10/27/10

213.2 (official JC WI on Fri. 10/22--did not weigh since)

I did return to Jenny Craig last Friday, as planned. However, I really didn't re-start the plan until Monday. So we'll see if I lose any weight this week.

Life is hectic and crazy this week. It is my last week at my current job, and in typical fashion, I have left a bunch of must-do projects until the last minute. I am also going out of town for the weekend (MM and I are going to Disneyland, yea) and starting my new job on Monday.

So I haven't jumped back on the exercise wagon yet, but with all I have going on this week, I am being kind to myself.

Hope to report going great guns again soon!

Turning myself in

213.2 (was 215.2 yesterday!)

I'm going back to Jenny Craig on Friday. I've been off the rails for long enough and need to get back to the hard work of losing weight.

Stay tuned.

Off again

211.6

I decided not to go to Jen.ny Craig last Friday because I still had eight days' worth of lunches and dinners. I ate out a lot over the weekend, which is usual for me, but I have continued to eat out since, which is not.

My choices haven't been terrible but they certainly haven't been the choices of anyone who is seriously trying to lose weight.

So I guess I am kind-of off the wagon again.

209.6

My week has been fair. I still have yet to make it to the gym, though I may go tonight. I have had a few things I've eaten which were off-plan--for example, I was craving guacamole all day Monday and had some Monday night, with chips--but overall, not too bad.

I hope this number holds through Friday morning's weigh-in! We shall see.

The irony

209.6 (at home)
210.4 (official JC WI)

The irony of the fact that I officially lost 1.4 lbs this week is that I put in minimal effort. I didn't go to the gym a single time (though I did walk the dogs 5 nights, but that is far from vigorous exercise). I didn't eat all my vegetable servings each day. I had cravings for bread and for a bean burrito on two different days, and I gave in to them, resulting in 250 calories each day that were not planned or budgeted for.

And yet I lost weight.

WTF? What about the weeks when I've busted my hump and lost little or nothing?!

Oh well. I'll take it!

I'll take it

211.6 (at home)
211.8 (at official JC weigh-in)

Just a quick update to say that I officially lost 2.8 lbs this past week but really, am more just back to where I was before my sister's visit.

Hoping for a better week this week. . . . I really want to get under 210!

Bleh

210.6

I have been slowly getting back on track this week. Yesterday I ate on plan except for not quite getting in all my required fruits and veggies. Still, I did get in three servings, which is better than I usually do when eating on my own.

I woke up today feeling exhausted and off. Not sure what that's about, but it certainly isn't helpful on a day when I have a lot of (mostly boring) work to complete for three deadlines tomorrow. Ugh.

In light of how crappy I'm feeling and how much work I have (which will likely keep me at the office until late), I've decided to skip the gym one more day. Yes, I would probably ultimately have more energy if I worked out, but I just can't face it today. I am dealing with a couple of other things personally--waiting to see whether I get a job offer, for one--so I am going to be gentle with myself this week.

Minimal damage done

211.6

The scale showed the exact same number this morning as it did six days ago, when I wrote my last post. Whew. Guess I didn't do too much damage with my off-plan eating this weekend. I tried not to go crazy, but I know I didn't always make the healthiest choices, and my exercise consisted of a little swimming, a couple of walks with the dogs, and A LOT of chasing after my nephew.

I had a wonderful visit with my sister and nephew! I will post some photos from the visit when I finish editing them (soon); I took 175 photos!

Today my gym bag is packed, I brought a healthy lunch to work, and I've just gotten started on the three liters of water I plan to drink today. Onward and upward.

Hiatus

211.6

I am taking a li'l hiatus from Jenny Craig through next week. I wasn't great about staying on-plan last week, and my sister is coming into town tomorrow.

In light of this, I am merely hoping to maintain, rather than lose. Wish me luck.

Gotcha

210.6

Wednesday the 25th was Sebastian's "Gotcha Day" (as his rescue organization calls it), the anniversary of the date when I adopted him. It's hard to believe he has been my dog for EIGHT years! I have now had him longer than I had my previous dog Saffron, who missed eight years by less than two weeks.

Sebastian has his annoying habits, just like any dog, but he is super-smart, friendly and lovable. My life has been immeasurably enriched by having him in it for the past eight years.

Thank you, Sebastian, for being such a wonderful companion!

(The photo of him above was taken during our engagement photo session in October 2008.)

Hmm

210.6

I can't quite figure out why I always seem to weigh less in the days right after my weekly weigh-in than I do on the day of my weigh-in.

So anyway. . . .

211.8 (at home)
212.4 (official JC WI)

I am a day late weighing in this week--had to go out of town for a deposition yesterday--and still only down 0.3 lbs from last week. Honestly? Given the level of effort I put into my eating last week, I'll take it.

My week started out well, and I did make it to the gym four times. . . . but I ate four more meals out than I'd planned--I actually ate more dinners & lunches out than on plan--and I didn't always make the best choices. (Witness last night's stop at In N Out Burger on the way home from Tucson and the pasta I ordered last Saturday when grilled salmon & vegetables was available instead.)

So what is the take-home lesson from last week? For one thing, I need to be better about adjusting when plans change, interfering with my planned menu for the day. On at least two occasions, I could've made a healthier choice and did not. I also still need to eat more fruits and vegetables; I got in at least 5 servings most days but could've done better.

On the other hand, I'm not going to beat myself up. Overall, I am generally making better choices, and even the "slips" I had this week were not as bad as they could've been. For instance, yes, I ate In N Out Burger last night, but I got a single burger, rather than my usual double, and drank a diet soda rather than my usual Dr Pepper or lemonade. I could've ordered pasta with a cream sauce or cheese but instead I opted for pasta with shrimp in an arrabiata sauce.

And let's face it: I am faced with temptations every day and am trying to overcome years of bad habits, so lasting change isn't going to happen overnight.

Moving forward. . . . .

Query (post #700)

Do you consider it disrespectful, disloyal, or otherwise inappropriate for a married man to send a woman he had a relationship with in high school a message on Fac.ebo.ok including the following:

Hope all is well, you look great, and I see you are married. He is a lucky guy, you were always a sweet heart!

Other factors to consider: the man in question has other ex-girlfriends on his friends list besides the recipient of this message; he and his wife have been married for 16 years and have two children, ages 15 and 9; and the sender and recipient have not seen one another in nearly 20 years.

Woohoo!

210.2

Yesterday was another 100% on-plan day. I didn't go to the gym but did take the dogs on a 15-minute walk.

I can't wait to get under 210. It's been over 18 months since I weighed less than 210. ;-)

Baby steps. . . . .

Pat on the back

211.0

I must pat myself on the back because I had a 100% on-plan day yesterday. I ate all my planned meals and snacks and nothing extra. I ate 6 1/2 servings of fruits and veggies (strawberries, a peach, an apple, spring mix greens, low sodium V8, cauliflower, and a banana--whew!). I drank over 3 liters of water.

In addition, I went to the gym and did 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer plus some strength training and stretching. Very good!

If every day could be like yesterday, I would be at my goal weight much, much sooner. I am learning to become more accepting of the ebb and flow of this process, though.

Today is one of my "rest" days from the gym (that term makes me chuckle because it's not as though I work out so often or so intensely that I actually need a rest), and MM and I are going to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner. Breakfast is under my belt, and my healthy lunch and snacks are with me here at work. Should be another good day.

Slip

211.6

I must confess, I had a big slip-up eating-wise yesterday. I was feeling very down all afternoon after spending too much time entering my billable time in our computer system and generally dwelling on all the negative things in my life.

I decided I was going to "treat" myself with some off-plan food. I was tempted to go to Chino Bandido again, but I didn't want to go quite that far off plan. So I went to Qdoba and had a mini quesadilla and mini nachos.

All told, my little "splurge" cost me close to 1000 calories. Not great, but I estimate about half the calories of what I would have ordered at Chino Bandido. I tried to ameliorate some of the damage by just having fruit & cereal with milk for dinner.

I have to say, the meal *did* make me feel better, at least temporarily. Of course, after a couple of hours, I felt icky because I'm just not used to eating like that anymore.

Today my mood is slightly improved--trying to focus on the positive--and I am back on track.

And ironically, the scale was the lowest this morning that it's been in days. Go figure. . . . .

Week 6 re-cap

212.2 (at home)
212.7 (official JC WI)

I was down 1 more pound at this morning's official weigh-in. I am making slow but steady progress: in six weeks, I have lost 8.4 lbs. Not exactly dramatic results, but I'll take it.

I suspect my loss for this week might have been a little more if not for the fact that I had dinner at my in-laws last night and ate more steak than I should have. (Probably 6-7 oz instead of the 3-4 oz I'd budgeted for.) Oh well.

I am noticing a difference in the way my clothes fit, and I have had a few people comment that I look like I am losing weight. So that's good.

At this pace, I won't reach a "healthy" BMI until early July 2011. . . . but at least I am sticking with it and making some headway. My last several attempts at weight loss have lasted less than a month, so just the fact that I have managed to stick with this for six weeks is encouraging.

I do think I could be doing more. I still struggle with getting in all my fruits and vegetables some days. I only go to the gym 2-3 times most weeks (though I got in 4 workouts this past week). I have had the occasional slip-up where I've eaten things that weren't on my plan for the day.

But because I know I am going to be doing this for a long, long time, I don't want to burn out. So I am taking it easy on myself and learning to be content with these smaller losses which are the result of not working quite as hard as I could.

Plugging along

212.4 (this morning)
211.0 (Wednesday morning)
213.7 (official JC WI on Monday night)

I have been remiss in updating, primarily due to the fact that I have actually been busy at work this week for the first time in months. I'm not complaining--I actually couldn't be happier to be busy again--just explaining.

My official loss for last week, based on Monday night's weigh-in, was 1.1 lbs. I'll take it. Because I usually weigh in before 9:00 a.m., without having eaten breakfast, and weighed in this time at 6:00 p.m., I probably actually lost more for that week. . . . but it will all even out in the end.

The scale is up a little this morning due to my eating a late dinner plus 320 calories or so worth of wheat bread which was not on my list of planned foods. Oops. That's what happens when you schedule your hair appointment at the time you'd normally be eating dinner and then go to the grocery store famished: you end up buying things you shouldn't.

I got right back on track this morning. That is one thing I am fairly proud of myself for in the these 5+ weeks on Jenny Craig; I've had some slips, but in each instance, I have immediately gotten back on track. So often in the past, I've allowed one meal, or one day, of poor choices to lead to my quitting altogether; not this time.

My gym bag is packed for my second gym workout of the week tonight. So things are going pretty well.

212.2

The scale was up a little this morning after a not-so-great eating day yesterday. Through no intent (or fault) of my own, I ended up eating breakfast at 8:15 a.m. and not having lunch until 2:00 p.m. . . . . at which time I was FAMISHED and ate one more slice of veggie pizza than I should have (plus a Hansen's soda which I didn't realize until after I'd drunk it--duh!--was not diet and in fact had 150 calories).

I also know I didn't drink enough water or eat enough veggies yesterday, and I only got in one serving each of fruit and dairy (as opposed to the 3 and 2 servings, respectively, I was supposed to). And I'd had a sensible dinner out Saturday night, but still a dinner out, so I'd probably consumed more sodium than usual.

Given all this, I am not too bummed out about the fact that the scale is up a little from earlier in the week. I feel confident that now that I am back on track and drinking lots of water again, the number will come down again.

No JC weight for today yet, as I had to move this morning's appointment to after work due to a deposition this morning. And with a later-in-the-day-than-usual weigh-in, it's almost a sure thing that I won't show a loss at the scale. . . . or if anything, a smaller loss than usual.

Ah well. Onward and upward (er, downward?).

Ya-hoo!

211.2

Was THRILLED by the number on the scale this morning. Looking back, I haven't been under 210 in over 18 months. Can't wait to get there!

Today will be a challenge with lunch and dinner out. I had input about the places and have planned good choices. Fingers crossed that I can stay strong and stick with them.

Scale hop

212.4

I know some say it's bad to weigh daily, but I sure hope this morning's weight is real!

Another Tuesday

214.0

I thought I had a headache when I first woke up this morning. Then I realized it was just the feeling of dread at having to go to work. Ugh.

The scale was kind this morning. So that's nice.

My day's meals are planned, with lunch and snacks here at my office. My gym bag is packed, and I'll be meeting MM there around 6:30 this evening. I'm already on my third 12-oz glass of water of the 8 per day I usually drink, and it's not yet noon here. So I am on track to have a good day, weight loss/healthwise.

Now if I could just finish entering my billable time for the second half of July in our computer system, I'd be all set. Three days down, eight more to go. Why do I do this to myself?

That's more like it

214.8 at JC
215.0 at home

I had a decent loss at this morning's WI: down 2.2 lbs. Interestingly, I believe my effort this past week was about equal to that of the two previous weeks in which I lost little or no weight; in fact, I only went to the gym twice, vs. the three to four times a week I'd gone during the other weeks. Whatever, I'll take it.

This puts me at a total of 6.3 lbs lost for my first four weeks back at JC. Not stellar results, but certainly a step in the right direction. If I could continue to lose weight at this rate, I could be under 200 in a little over 9 weeks. It would take just over 41 more weeks to get to a "healthy" BMI at this rate (for me, that translates to a weight of 149). That's less than a year, actually just a little over 9 months. That sounds reasonable.

I must confess, I did not eat all the servings of fruit which I was supposed to last week. So this week I am going to focus on being more diligent about getting in all my fruits & veggies, in addition to just generally staying "on plan."

Plugging along

215.6

The scale was down a little this morning but still not even back to what it was this time last week. Ugh. So frustrating.

I've concluded that all I can do for now is keep doing what I'm doing. Following the JC plan as diligently as I can, minimizing my eating out (and making healthy choices when I do eat out), drinking a lot of water (3 liters or so a day), and exercising at least three times a week.

I still wish it wasn't so hard every single day and am still troubled by the fact that my losses are coming VERY slooooowly this go 'round. But I know I will get to a healthy weight eventually if I just keep at it. . . . even if it takes over two years.

I really think that the fact that I am now 7 years older than when I successfully lost 35 pounds in 4 months on Weight Watchers has a lot to do with this. And I can't do anything about being older.

So that's where I'm at.

Question for FB users

I hesitate to post this because I wonder at this point whether anyone is even still reading. Anyway. . . . .

I have a question for those of you who are on Fac.ebo.ok. What is the appropriate etiquette for dealing with a friend request from someone you know but do not like?

Twice I have faced the situation where a high school classmate of mine who I haven't seen since high school graduation (over 22 years ago) and with whom I was never friends sent me friend requests. With the first person, I ignored TWO friend requests from her, and when she sent a third, I finally relented and confirmed her, thinking that I would just delete her later. (Oddly enough, she initiated a "chat" with me not long after I finally accepted and through that chat, I learned that she and her husband have also struggled with infertility. Actually, at this point, they have given up and are just living childless.)

Now I have the same dilemma with a second person. Again, she has now sent me a second friend request even though I ignored the first one. It has been in in-box limbo for a week or so. This person is someone of whom I have not one positive memory from childhood. In fact, we lived less than two blocks apart, and yet I've never been inside her house or vice versa, so that should tell you something about our "relationship" or lack thereof.

Thoughts? My instincts tell me to just "ignore" again but am wondering if anyone else has faced a similar situation.

Frustrated & a little angry

216.6 at home
217.0 at JC

Despite being 100% on plan for five out of seven days this week, I only lost 0.6 lbs at today's weigh-in. I know I should be happy to see the scale moving down at all, and I know that if I continue to lose 0.6 lbs every week, I will eventually get to my goal weight (in over two years) . . . . but I'm pissed.

This morning's number on the scale was the highest one I'd seen in days. By last Wednesday, I'd gotten down to 215.something every day and even had one day of 214.4. But MM and his parents wanted to go out for Mexican food last night, and even though I made one of the better available choices, I know that it was higher in fat and sodium than what I should've been eating. Couple that with lunch and dinner out on Saturday (lunch was sushi & miso; dinner was a salad with grilled chicken and no dressing), and it's not hard to see why the scale is up this morning.

The other, main reason I am feeling so frustrated and angry is that this level of effort at weight loss used to work for me. In prior weight loss attempts, if I were exercising 3-4 days a week--as I did last week--and eating on-plan 5-6 days, I would consistently lose weight. Now it seems that in order to see any kind of significant loss, I am going to have to be on-plan every day and/or step up the frequency of my exercise.

Is this possible? Theoretically, yes. It's hard for me to imagine, though, that I could follow any eating plan 100% and never have a slip-up, especially given how often I eat out. Unless I want to give up a significant portion of my social life, eating out is going to continue to be a part of my life. And given that I have been forcing myself to go to the gym three days a week--and that I am unable to exercise outside this time of year due to the near-daily high heat index--I would think that exercising 5-6 days a week is pretty much out of the question. (Not to mention the other commitments I have which might prevent me from doing that.)

On the one hand, I only have myself to blame. I ate what I ate, and those choices caused the result they caused.

On the other hand, I don't understand why this has to be so frickin' difficult! I am, by a conservative estimate, nearly 70 lbs overweight. It would seem to me that, for someone my current size, SOME positive changes should result in weight loss. I shouldn't have to work my a$$ off at this point to see decent losses at the scale. I anticipate having to work harder when I'm closer to my ideal weight range, but I did not anticipate it being such a struggle to lose weight when I'm well over 200 lbs.

Vent over. It is what it is. I suppose all I can do is keep working at it.

Sick day

215.2

I stayed home from work yesterday; I called in sick. I woke up feeling achy all over and just exhausted, with a slight scratchy throat, so I thought I must be coming down with something. After sleeping until nearly 11:00 a.m., I woke up feeling fine, so in retrospect I don't think I was really sick. Maybe just residual effects of staying up later than usual to watch a baseball game that went into extra innings or just sick and tired.

I am, and have been, in a definite funk. (I hesitate to call it a "depression" because I just don't think it is quite that severe.) I felt better for a few days when I first starting applying for other jobs and when I had an interview, and in the rush of motivation which came with restarting JC, but over the past few days, my mood has once again deteriorated.

I think my feelings stem primarily from just feeling "stuck." Our inability to achieve parenthood thus far has meant that I am stuck in my personal life for the time being. I can't move forward with plans to live a childless life, because we don't know for sure yet whether that is where we will end up. And I obviously can't make plans for parenthood when it is equally uncertain. Certain travel and hobbies are limited by the need to save money, both due to my decreased income related to my decreased workload and due to not knowing whether we may have to shell out big bucks for fertility treatment in the not-so-distant future.

Now I feel stuck at work as well. Not only do I feel stuck in my specific job because I haven't been able to find another one and because things have been so slow (adversely affecting my income), but I don't feel like I have grown much here professionally for a while. I am the type of person who craves constant learning and, to a certain degree, change, so "celebrating" three years at this job today does not feel like a celebration at all. Even economics notwithstanding, I want to do something else. Work at a different firm, go back to criminal prosecution, take an in-house counsel position, something.

I am stuck in Phoenix, too, by virtue of the fact that I own a home here that we couldn't sell without suffering a financial loss. Also, my husband's job is here, and my in-laws relocated to the area to be near MM, their only child. I am no longer free to move if I want, and while this fact didn't bother me when I was content with my life, it is bothering me now. (Ironically, I think back on the years when I was unsettled and moving often and longing to be rooted in one place. Well, now I am.)

I have stayed pretty much on track with JC this week, aside from a tiny half slice of thin crust pizza last night substituted for my evening snack of fruit and yogurt and filching a small chocolate chip cookie on Wednesday night. So I guess that is one thing I can feel good about.

My inclination is to just whole up in my house on the couch or in bed with books and TV, but I don't have that luxury. I guess it's a good thing I am forced to work full-time. . . . keeps me from having a breakdown.

Post & dash

215.0

Had a 100% on plan day eating-wise yesterday, plus a very good workout at the gym: 10 minutes of weight training followed by 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I also drank over 3 liters of water and went for a 20-minute walk with our dogs. Yippee!

Perhaps not surprisingly, my energy level yesterday was high. Too bad most of the day was spent stuck at work, but I did get a few things done at home in the evening, though I wasn't home from the gym until after 7:30.

Tomorrow promises to be an equally good day. Food planned, gym bag packed, already downed almost a liter of water. Good times.

Maintain

216.0

Yesterday's weight at home was 217.0 and at my JC centre 217.6. So I didn't lose anything for my second week; I maintained. Given how I ate over the weekend in San Diego, I'll take it.

I got right back on the horse yesterday, sticking to my eating plan and drinking loads of water (nearly 3 liters). I was worn out and didn't make the gym--I hate going on Mondays anyway because it's also extra crowded--but I have my stuff packed and will be going today after work.

I plan to see a loss this week. I can hardly fail to lose if I follow the plan and exercise, right? I mean, it's WAY too early for me to plateau.

BTW, trip to San Diego was great. Had my first Pinkberry, and it was delicious! Perfect weather. Very relaxing.

Slow progress

216.4

Despite the fact that I skipped the gym last night (I'd signed up for an evening continuing legal education course I forgot about), the scale was still down just a little more this morning. Nice! I'll take it.

My eating was 100% on program yesterday, and I am proud of myself. I didn't let Wednesday night's slip at dinner turn into a long, downward slide, as I often have in the past.

I am coming to realize that working full time does not leave me nearly enough time to do all the things I most enjoy. I don't dislike my job--and I like it MUCH better than any job I had in my previous career--but working 40+ hours a week makes it hard to have time for other things. I would like to devote more time to reading, spending time with friends, talking to my out-of-town friends on the phone, and volunteering, but between work and the mundane activities of daily life, like laundry, meal preparation, and other chores, it seems that I have little time.

Oh well. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who feels this way. Truth be told, in the current economic climate, I am grateful just to have a full-time job and shouldn't complain about it taking up too much of my time. ;-)

Unfortunately, the whole "work smarter, not harder" concept does not apply to attorneys who work in civil practice; it's all about the billable hour. So I just have to accept that I am going to be spending the majority of my waking hours working until/unless I change to a less demanding, or part-time, job.

I am having a hard time getting motivated to exercise these days. I know I feel better and have more energy when I do it, but getting myself to the gym has been a challenge. And because it doesn't get under 100 degrees until well after 9 p.m. this time of year, outdoor exercise is out. (Unless I wanted to get up around dawn to work out, which I know from experience is unlikely to happen.)

Maybe as I continue to improve my eating and to slowly lose weight, I will feel more like working out. Cooler weather would help, too, but I have to wait until, oh, October for that.

Why

216.6

Beginning around 4:00 yesterday afternoon, I was seized by a sudden yearning to eat something carb-laden and fatty. I'll admit that the inclination to go "off program" for a meal arose even earlier in the day. I had resisted the urge earlier in the day to visit Qdoba for their delicious nachos--which I had been eating at least 2-3 times a week prior to re-starting JC after the July 4th holiday--but the desire to eat something "bad" built and built as the afternoon progressed.

I ended up losing the battle of wills with myself and getting dinner at Chi.no Band.ido, a local Chinese-Mexican fusion place which has been featured on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. (I know it sounds weird, but trust me, it is fantastic!) I had a jerk chicken quesadilla, a machaca burrito, refried beans, and fried rice with more jerk chicken, and I enjoyed it tremendously. The food there are always great, but it was a particular treat after more than a week of eating healthfully again.

I have to admit, I felt a little bit like an addict as I was driving to the restaurant, which is about 15-20 minutes from my office and not really on my way home. (I have to detour 10-15 minutes off my usual route to get there.) I felt driven to get the food. It was actually kinda weird, and I don't know why I had this strong, near-irresistible yen for this particular food.

I tried several techniques which have worked in the past for talking myself out of eating this dinner: refocusing on my reasons for wanting to lose weight, planning ways to jazz up the dinner I'd had planned, reminding myself that I would be eating out this weekend, drinking extra water, taking a little walk around the office (inside; it was 109 here yesterday). None of them worked. And the desire certainly didn't stem from true hunger, as I had eaten all my planned meals and snacks for the day and spaced them appropriately and had had plenty of water.

Oddly enough, after eating this fatty, salty, carb-rich feast, the scale was down an entire pound this morning from Tuesday morning's weigh-in. Who knows why.

I am going to ameliorate last night's damage by being 100% on plan today and drinking lots and lots of water. (I drink at least 2 liters of water every day and have been trying to get to 3 liters a day since re-starting JC.) I am also going to the gym and will do cardio in addition to the weight-lifting I'd planned to burn some additional calories.

I'm not beating myself up over my slip--I'm human, and it's going to take me a year to get to a healthy weight at a reasonable rate of 1-2 lbs/week--but am perplexed about why it happened.

Success!

217.6

The above was my weight at JC this morning. Oddly enough, it was slightly less than what I weighed on my scale at home first thing in the morning: 217.8. Go figure.

This translates to 3.5 lbs lost my first week back on JC. Hooray! I was actually a little uncertain about whether I would lose weight at all because I only followed the plan religiously for five of the seven days, and I did relatively little exercise. During the entire week, I lifted weights twice, did a total of less than 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer, and went for 3-4 20-minute-or-more walks with the dogs. (Walking the dogs, while still technically "exercise," does not get my heart rate up to an aerobic level.)

I would have to get down to 199 to be at a 10% loss from my starting weight of 221.1. Even if I lose an average of 2 lbs a week, that should still take 9-10 more weeks.

Onward and upward, er, downward. At least the scale is once again moving down and not up. Baby steps.

218.8

No, I didn't really lose 2.2 lbs overnight. Today's weight just takes me back to where I was last Friday morning, the day of my official first weigh-in at JC, and reflects the end to water retention caused by poor weekend food choices.

Even though I understand this, it's stil nice to see the scale move (back) down.

My first day of JC was OK. I had only one minor deviation from my pre-planned menu, and I know it made a difference of less than 100 calories. As a side note, I had forgotten how many fruits and vegetables I'd have to eat! Wow.

The only exercise I got was a 20-minute walk with the dogs at what I would describe as a slow-to-moderate pace. Guess it's better than nothing.

Small changes

221.0 (yikes!)

I am absolutely horrified--though, sadly, not all that surprised--by the number on the scale this morning. I know I ate poorly yesterday, but wow. Just wow.

I have a few updates from my last post (of nearly two weeks ago).

• I have been actively looking for, and applying for, jobs since my last post. I have an interview at another law firm on Friday morning.
• I decided on a whim to try Jenny Craig again instead of doing the hCG diet. I just don't have $650+ to spend on weight loss at the moment, particularly with the uncertainty about my work situation, and I have had my doubts about whether I could manage to only eat 500 calories a day.
• I started Jenny Craig this morning. My official first weigh-in was Friday afternoon, and I weighed 221.1 lbs there. . . . which is very close to what I weighed in 1997 (or 1998?) when I joined JC for the first time. (My start weight then was 222.2.)
• I made it to the gym two days last week. Not great, but it's a start. I focused more on weights than on cardio to ease myself back into things. (I enjoy strength training much more than cardio.)
• After a straight week of nearly-daily headaches, including two full-fledged migraines, I have now had no headaches for almost another week. Hmm.

So that's what's going on with me. As usual, I am perversely glad to be getting my eating under control. One potential bump in the road is the trip to San Diego which MM and I have planned for a week from Friday. I hope to make healthier choices while we're there and kick a$$ before and after with my lovely pre-packaged foods. ;-)

Funk

218.2

I have once again been MIA from the blog for a while.  Decreased attention to weight loss seems to equal decreased attention to the blog lately.

I have been feeling particularly low for the last couple of days about two situations which are mostly outside my control.  One is something that I don't intend to talk about on this blog (not my marriage), and the other is work.  One of the legal nurse consultants at my firm was laid off last week due to decreased workload, and the two named partners who run the firm on a day-to-day basis told me yesterday that they are likely going to lay off one of the secretaries as well for the same reason.

Couple these layoffs with the facts that I have been experiencing a decrease in my own workload over the past few months, I know the other associate attorney at my firm is also short of work, and I am the newer of the two associates by several years, and I'm sure you can see why I am worried that I may be laid off next.

I have applied for a couple of positions by sending my resume this week, and I have plans to apply for a couple more which have longer, more complicated application processes in the next week or so.  I have put the word out among my attorney friends in my city that I am looking.  Now there is not much more I can do except wait and hope that I find something before the axe drops at my current job.

None of the positions I've seen, including the ones I am applying for, are exactly what I want to be doing for a job. . . . but we are heavily dependent on my income, and beggars can't be choosers.

I am not despairing, and I think perhaps some good may even come out of this situation in the end.  I have known for a while that my current position was not going to be my job for the rest of my career, and so this may be the spur I need to move on to something else.  However, I hate the tension at the office; I hate the stress over not being able to bill enough hours; and I am not really happy about basically being forced to look for another job, rather than choosing to do so in my own time.

My other situation, as I mentioned, is not for public consumption.  Suffice it to say, it is something that has been getting me down for a while and has gotten worse of late.  I have very little power or control over changing the situation, which just makes it more difficult for me to tolerate.  It is not a situation where I am willing to just make me peace and accept the status quo.

In an attempt to exercise some control over something I CAN control, I am going to start working on losing weight again.  I am going away Thursday night for the whole weekend, but when I return, I am going to work out for 30 minutes minimum six days a week and eat nothing but whole foods.  I'll likely be blogging more for some accountability.

I am also going to do the hCG diet when we return from San Diego in July.  (I have to wait because I have to get my PCP's approval and some labwork done, and I also needed to pick a time when I would be in town for three weeks straight.)  I posted about the diet a few weeks ago as a possibility, but now I have actually made the appointments necessary to get started.  (If you are interested in learning more about the exact hCG diet I will be following, you can read about it here.)

I have some doubts about whether I can follow a 500 calories/day diet for three weeks, and I am not entirely sure that doing so is healthy. . . . but I am desperate to do something drastic about my weight.  I know two people in real life and three online who have successfully lost 20 lbs or more doing this program, and I am going to give it a shot.

So that's where I'm at.  Hoping that some positive action will help me shake my current funk.

Hmm

219.0

I'm relieved to see a number under 220 on the scale this morning. I guess I was just retaining water the past few days?

Sad that 219 can inspire feelings of relief rather than revulsion and a desire to reduce the number. . . .

Stymied

220.6 (Oh.My.God)

The number on the scale this morning is appalling to me. I am hoping that it is primarily a result of bad food choices yesterday and water retention associated with those bad food choices (which included orange chicken, a huge burrito, and In N Out burger). I have been in the 217-218 range of late, which is bad enough, but not over 220. Alarming.

I'm frustrated because I have a medical situation going on which is preventing me from exercising as much or as vigorously as I would like. I know from experience that any positive change in my eating habits will not result in weight loss for me unless I am also working out regularly at a moderate-to-high intensity. Because I know that diet alone will not help me lose weight, the fact that I can't exercise as hard or as often as I need to in order to lose weight means I have even less motivation to change my diet than usual. Ugh.

The one positive thing I have to report is that my headaches have decreased of late. I'm not sure if this is just a coincidence--my headaches do seem to naturally ebb and flow--or a result of my following the tips in this book, which I read just before Memorial Day. I have cut a number of foods out of my diet which I used to eat regularly, based on the book's recommendations. (You can find the list of foods which the author names as potential migraine triggers here.)

I had previously eliminated alcohol, MSG, and cured meats from my diet, but I wasn't even aware that many of the foods listed in this book could trigger migraines. Raisins? Bananas? Who knew?

In addition to the migraines that I get on a fairly regular basis, I also usually have what I would describe as tension headaches nearly every day. . . . or at least 4-5 days a week. Over the past week, I have had four completely headache-free days, and I have only taken two doses of aspirin and one dose of extra-strength Tylenol in the past week plus. To people who don't suffer from chronic headaches, this may sound like no big deal, but for years I have regularly taken Advil and/or Excedrin at least 3-4 days a week, sometimes multiple doses a day, for my headaches. . . . in addition to taking Imitrex for moderate-to-severe migraines. So having used only three doses of any medication in nine days is huge for me.

Also, I quit my daily cup of coffee a little over two months ago, but I had not eliminated caffeine 100% from my diet. I still had an occasional soda or iced tea when I ate out--which I do frequently--and took Excedrin, which contains caffeine, for headaches. As of today I have been completely caffeine-free for nine days. I feel I am actually concentrating better than I did when I was drinking coffee every morning.

I am giving serious consideration to doing the hCG diet later this summer, when I am medically permitted to. (You can read about the exact diet I'm considering here.) I know a few people in real life, as well as a few online, who have lost 15-20 lbs in three weeks following this program and have kept it off after returning to regular eating. I could really use the jump-start to get back on track.

The two downsides I see are the cost ($600+) and the strictness of the eating plan. MM thinks it isn't worth the money if there is a chance I will regain the weight. . . . but isn't there always a chance of that, with any diet? I lost 35 lbs the "right" (healthful) way, using Weight Watchers in 2003, and I regained all that weight; today I weigh even more than I did when I started Weight Watchers (I was a little over 212 then).

I don't know. If I do the diet, I need to do it during three weeks when I have no travel or social obligations, so it's not even a possibility until later in the summer.

Aside from feeling stuck in regard to my weight and better in regard to my headaches, not much to report. Work is a combination of boredom and stress. I am way over-scheduled for this month but am looking forward to seeing my sister and nephew this coming weekend. With our second 110-degree day in a row, I have reached the time of year when I question my choice to live in Phoenix.

Yawn

219.2 (wow, depressing)

At this point, I figure no one is even reading this blog any more. But it's still good for me to write about my feelings and chronicle my efforts.

As evidenced not only by the number on the scale above but also by the fact that I recently became winded walking up 5 flights of steps to my car in a parking garage, I desperately need to get my weight under control. I know how to do this--exercise regularly and make healthier food choices--but as ever, there is a disconnect between what I know and what I do.

I've read from numerous sources over the years that exercising first thing in the morning is supposed to give you more energy. I've seen evidence of this firsthand in several people I know.

I bought all the food I need to (yet again) restart South Beach this week. Cutting out sugar and starches just seems to work for me. I also decided to walk 15-30 minutes each weekday morning and focus on weight training when I go to the gym in the evenings. (Not only would this help "jump start" my day, it would also help the dogs get more exercise. Hunter needs to lose weight, and Sebastian needs to stay active for his heart.)

Planning to start the week off on a good foot, I put my plan into motion this morning. I woke up an hour earlier than usual today so that I could walk the dogs and have a leisurely breakfast before leaving for work. I took the dogs on a brisk 15-minute walk around the neighborhood (starting small, baby steps), followed by 8-10 minutes of stretching. I ate a healthy breakfast: scrambled eggs, salsa, V8, and 2 glasses of water. I felt full of energy when I hopped in the shower.

I have now been at work for a little over an hour-and-a-half, and I am really, really tired. It's not lack of sleep due to getting up earlier. . . . I went to bed earlier to compensate and still got about 7.5 hours of sleep. I gave up coffee (again) in mid-April and have grown accustomed to not having it every morning, so it's not lack of caffeine.

So riddle me this: if morning exercise gives you so much energy, why am I frickin' exhausted today? *sigh*

I'm starting to think that this whole "morning exercise will give you more energy throughout the day" thing is one of those habits that doesn't pay off right away. I probably have to do it for several days before I'll see the benefit.

Healthy lifestyle changes would sure be easier if I could see some immediate results.

SNAFU

216.4

My blog is sadly neglected of late. I have nothing to write about. Life is uneventful, unless you want to read my complaints about work and billable hours, and who wants to read that? (I am looking for another job, but it's not the ideal time to be job hunting.)

I am off the wagon again with healthy eating and exercise. I walk the dogs most evenings and make it to the gym maybe once a week, and that's the extent of my physical activity. I've given up on pilates, and I don't stretch regularly, though I have pain in my right piriformis almost all the time and sometimes in my lower back, too. I try to watch my portions and make healthier choices, but I know I'm not eating enough fruits & veggies.

My house is once again in chaos. You wouldn't know if if you came to visit because the common areas look OK, but that is due more to MM's efforts than to mine. Our home office looks almost as bad as it did before my BFF and I decluttered it last fall. I never even put away the Christmas decorations, which are shoved willy-nilly into random open boxes in the room. I never organized my bathroom cabinets as I'd planned, and my closet has fallen into disarray as well.

Right now I really don't care about my obesity, my sloth or the chaos in my house. My stress over work and the impact on our finances is my primary focus. I hate money worries!

So that's me in a nutshell. Still alive but apathetic.

Upward trend

217.0

I spoke too soon yesterday about the headaches; not two hours after I wrote my post, I developed a headache which persisted through aspirin and a cup of tea and was only relieved after I broke down and took some ibu.prof.en. Thankfully not a migraine but still annoying when I've been doing so well off caffeine.

The scale is up more today. I sometimes why I bother to weigh myself (almost) daily. It certainly doesn't seem to cause much change in my behavior.

I feel really bloated actually. MM and I had dinner at the Oli.ve Ga.rden (or "The OG," as he calls it) last night. Probably not the healthiest choice. I am drinking lots of water today and have a healthy dinner thawing in the refrigerator at home. So I hope to get rid of some of this bloat.

(almost) caffeine-free

216.2

It has been 13 days today since I last had a cup of coffee. My horrible migraines of the third weekend of April convinced me that perhaps I should have another go at giving up caffeine. While I have still had tea on occasion, at this point I have eliminated my daily morning cup of coffee entirely.

I'm not gonna lie; quitting has not been easy. Last week in particular was hard. . . . I felt sleepy and sluggish a lot during the day and had some mild headaches (which, surprise surprise, responded to one Ex.cedrin tablet. . . which contains 65 mg of caffeine). I was literally sleeping nine hours a night in order to wake up feeling rested, and the feeling still wasn't lasting all day.

Now, almost two weeks in, I am back to just sleeping eight hours a night. More often than not over the past several days, I have woken up before my alarm, feeling rested. My concentration at work has been fine. Today and yesterday I have felt the most energetic I have felt in a long time.

I have not been exercising (aside from walking the dogs for 20-30 minutes most evenings) and have not been focused on eating any particular way. Aside from cutting out the coffee, the only other change I've made is that I started five days ago taking a daily supplement for migraines called Mig.reLi.ef, which is a blend of riboflavin, magnesium and feverfew.

I am happy to report that, aside from the mild headaches I've had up until several days ago from caffeine withdrawal, I have had no headaches since April 11. This past Sunday, I made the 5-hour round trip drive to Tucson and even spent the better part of an hour out in the direct sunlight and did not get a migraine. (I often come home from trips like that with a bad headache.) I hope this trend continues; we shall see.

From the weight posted above, it's probably clear that I haven't been making an effort in the weight loss department. I have not been eating horribly, and I always drink 8-10 glasses of water a day, but I haven't been eating many fruits or veggies of late (and as I said, I haven't been exercising). The scale is starting to creep up again, and I know I need to get back on track.

Not much else to report. Work has been VERY slow this month, which for me is actually more stressful than being busy, but now I finally have a few projects. I'd better get to 'em.

Memory Lane

(forgot to weigh)

I've been thinking for a while about posting an excerpt from my one of my teenage diaries, just for fun. I'd thought, in fact, about posting about my first sexu.al experience, which I wrote about in detail the day after it happened.

So last night I dug out the journal for the relevant time period, and the first entry, dated June 14, 1986, began as follows:

"Sometimes I get so sick of life. I hate being fat and unpopular. . . . It's really depressing."

Um, yeah.

Reading on, I expressed my desire to "lose 20 lbs by the time school starts, 30-35 lbs eventually." Knowing that my high school goal weight was always 125 allows me to extrapolate that I must have weighed between 155 and 160 when I wrote this entry.

Ah, what I wouldn't give to weigh 160 now! Hey, it's only 55 lbs or so less than I weighed the last time I stepped on a scale.

How sad is it that, nearly 24 years later, I am still struggling with my weight? While I would no longer say I am "sick of life" and would not describe myself today as "unpopular"--what does that even mean, at 39?--it is still depressing to be fat.

Wow, good thing I didn't know at 15 that 24 years later not only would I not be "thin," I'd be even fatter than I was then. . . . I probably would have just ended it all. LOL

I guess I can take some comfort in the fact that I am much happier in my life overall than I was at 15, even if I am still not happy with my weight. As a good friend pointed out when I shared this diary entry with her, a big part of the reason I'm happier with life now is that the majority of my life now is of my own design and choosing, whereas at 15, it was mostly either of my parents' design or other circumstances beyond my control.

It has taken me a while to get to this point, but I am now (mostly) living the life *I* want to live.

Mixed bag

216.2

This weekend was a mixture of good and bad. The good included lots of "quality time" with MM. We went to the zoo on Saturday and out to lunch after, and went to a movie (Date Night) together on Sunday afternoon. Because my mom had been in town from early March until Easter, it had actually been a while since MM and I went out and did something fun, just the two of us.

We also had lunch Sunday with an old, old band camp friend of mine whom I had not seen in nearly 26 years. (She and I found one another on Fac.ebo.ok several months ago, and she was in town for a medical conference.) That was fun! I enjoyed seeing her and meeting her husband and daughters.

The bad: I went home around 1:00 on Friday afternoon when the headache I woke up with before 6:00 a.m. took a turn for the worse and added nausea to the mix. After a dose of prescription medication, I spent a few hours in bed and felt OK by 6:00 p.m. or so. Another headache started Saturday afternoon after the zoo and developed into a full-blown, debilitating migraine in short order. So I spent most of Saturday afternoon and evening in bed in horrible pain; none of the medications I took helped. It was awful. Thank G-d, I only get a headache that severe that can't be at least decreased by medication a few times a year.

Sunday I woke up headache-free but felt groggy and hungover from the previous day's headache and medications. I ended up going to bed at 9:00 p.m. and didn't finish my laundry or go to the grocery store.

This morning I woke up just after 7 with a mild headache. I took Ex.cedr.in and slept for another hour, and now I feel OK. . . . no headache but still not feeling 100%, a little tired despite over 10 hours of sleep.

I hate periods like this when my migraines are worse and more frequent! The hardest part is that I don't usually know what triggers these more-severe migraines, making it very hard to do anything to prevent them. The only possible trigger I could identify on Saturday was sun exposure. Even though I wore a hat, I was out in the sun for the better part of two hours while at the zoo. However, I live in Arizona, so I am often in the sun, and it's not every day that it leads to a severe migraine like Saturday's.

Moving on. . . . .

I would like to get back to the gym this week, assuming my head cooperates. (Clearly I am not going to bust out a full-on aerobic workout if I have a migraine.) Currently planning to go Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday morning.

Oh, happy anniversary to my sister V and her husband. They were married in Vegas 7 years ago today!

I suck

215.8

• Into week three "off the wagon." Wow, I think that's longer than I lasted on South Beach this go 'round.
  
• Ate Mexican/Chinese fusion for dinner last night (delicious but NOT a healthy choice)
• No exercise all week (I've even skipped a few dog walks)
• Scale is, predictably, climbing
• Unmotivated to change course

I suck. Why do I hate my body so much?

#667

215.2

I have been sitting at 666 posts for a few days, and though I really don't have much to write about, I decided I need to post because it was getting a little creepy seeing that number. ;-)

Probably not a surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog for a while: I used my trip to Las Vegas and lack of fresh foods in my house upon my return as a convenient excuse for slacking on the healthy eating and exercise. Good choices have gradually become fewer and fewer, to the point where I ate two bowls of blue corn tortilla chips with guacamole after work last night and three Girl Scout cookies (Tagalongs, my fave) after a healthy dinner.

I have been walking the dogs nearly every evening, so I have not been totally inactive, but I haven't been doing anything that actually elevates my heart rate into an aerobic range since before we left on our trip. . . ten days ago. I am totally off the wagon with my Pi.lat.es; haven't done the DVD once since Mom arrived the first week of March.

Also not a surprise: my energy level and mood have been for sh1t the last few days due to crappy eating and little exercise. When will I ever learn?

I really haven't got much else to report. I did have a good, relaxing weekend. We took my CASA child M to a spring training game on Sunday, and she enjoyed it, especially getting autographs before the game and running the bases afterward. I am volunteering on the "Woof Line" (general information line) for the boys' rescue organization this week, and I have already had more calls in two days than I did during the whole week the last time it was my turn to check the Woof Line.

Besides my sloth and work, Mom is still here through the day after Easter. We have enjoyed her visit (MM often comments on how much easier a houseguest she is than my dad and stepmom) and will be both glad and sorry to see her go. Sorry because we will miss her, and glad because we will once again have the house to ourselves.

The weather here has been absolutely gorgeous of late! I love this time of year in Phoenix. A month from now, it will be getting hot. Ugh.

Choices

214.4

I think it's normal to have days that make you question your life choices, even if only for a moment. (I know I had those days often when I was a hospital nurse.) I remember my ex-fiance SL used to say that when he was walking to court each morning, pulling a roller-bag full of files, he would look at the homeless people lounging on the grassy knoll en route and wonder if perhaps they didn't have the right idea and whether *he* was the "unfortunate" one.

Today was one of those days for me. I spent over six hours today in a mostly-useless deposition, while outside it is a beautiful, clear, sunny day. (Thankfully, we have a lot of days like this in Phoenix.) We didn't break for lunch, so my lunch consisted of some Corn Nuts and a 100-calorie snack pack of grasshopper cookies. . . very healthful. Instead of sitting in a conference room, watching the witness via videoconference in San Diego and listening to him and the other defense attorney arguing back and forth, I could have been hiking, or walking my dogs, in the nice weather, communing with nature.

Now that I am finally back in the office, I have two motion responses which must be completed before tomorrow morning, so I have at least three hours of work ahead of me, possibly more. It will be hours before I get to go home and see my husband, mom, and dogs (not necessarily in that order).

Oh well. I know that things can always be--and have been!--worse.

I'm back

214.6

I am back at work this morning following our extended-weekend trip to Las Vegas. The trip was good. The weather was nice, and we spent some time relaxing at the Mandalay Bay Beach. Our suite was awesome! My birthday itself was good: we spent most of the day at the Beach, and then went out for a delicious dinner at Nove' at The Palms, followed by O at Bellagio. Our seats at O ended up being in the very front row, and MM was pulled up on stage to dance with one of the clowns during one of their segments. (Too bad no photography is allowed; I would have loved to get a picture of that!) The whole show was great! I love Cirque du Soleil.

Monday we rode the roller coaster at New York/New York and took an outdoor gondola ride at The Venetian. Both activities I'd done before but really enjoy.

I lost a little money gambling, but no more than I'd budgeted to lose, and overall, the trip went just as we had planned.

While we were gone, I didn't work out at all, though I did get in a lot of walking (somewhat inevitable in Vegas). I did not stay 100% on plan with South Beach, but I did minimize my intake of less-healthy carbs, ate more lean protein than I might otherwise have done, and watched my portion sizes. I made it my goal not to ever leave the table uncomfortably stuffed, and I achieved that goal even at the buffet. It felt good not to waste vacation time in a "food coma."

I know I am a little dehydrated today, between flying and not drinking as much water as usual while I was out of my usual routine, so I am rehydrating. I have already downed my first liter of water this morning and am starting on my second. I have a healthy plan in place for lunch and dinner and will walk the dogs tonight after work. (I'll hold off on returning to the gym until tomorrow evening.)

The one tiny dark cloud over my weekend was that MM did a couple of things that really annoyed me. In fact, one of the things he did really pi$$ed me off, to the point where I really lost my temper. The thought crossed my mind after that incident that perhaps I am not tolerant enough to be married. (Yes, I have had this thought before, in prior relationships.)

It is a bit distressing that, after only 16 months of marriage and about 2 1/2 years together, my husband is already getting on my nerves. . . . to the point where I am giving serious consideration to just vacationing separately in future. Prior to this trip, I have enjoyed traveling with MM, so I'm not sure if his behavior has gotten worse, or if I becoming less tolerant, or both.

Oh well. Nothing MM did is a "divorceable offense," and he is unlikely to change (though he always claims he will), so I suppose I am just going to have to learn to be more tolerant.

Back to work! I must admit, I was kinda glad to have to come back to the office today in some ways. . . . .

Random Tuesday

215.2

I started adding "good" carbs back into my diet on Saturday. Since then, I've eaten fruit, whole grain bread, and brown rice. I also had a piece of cheesecake at my in-laws' on Sunday evening. Between these two factors, the scale jumped back up to 215.something yesterday and has stayed there.

I am not overly discouraged because I am still consistently down from the 220 I was when I started South Beach a couple of weeks ago. Plus, past experience tells me that I almost always have a small rebound gain when I start eating carbs again.

I need to ramp up my exercise again. I've been walking the dogs nearly every evening, but with my mom here, I have usually been taking her along. Which is great because she needs the exercise, but it also means that I am walking at a significantly slower pace. . . . a pace that doesn't even come close to elevating my heart rate into an aerobic workout zone. (I've stopped even wearing my heart monitor because my heart rate stays too slow even for a "light" workout when I'm walking with Mom.)

I did go to the gym on Saturday and had a good 30-minute workout on the elliptical trainer. If I want to keep losing weight, I know I need to be more diligent about making these workouts happen more than once a week.

MM and I leave on Saturday morning for a 4-day trip to Vegas. While we are there, I am going to focus on better choices and portion control. I know I am going to eat pasta, and possibly cake, on Sunday, which is my birthday. I should have ample opportunity to exercise while I'm there.

Not much else to report. Ho hum, ho hum.

Downward trend

213.8

I was quite surprised to see this morning's number on the scale. We had dinner at Red Lob.ster last night, and while I avoided carbs (except for one small bite of a biscuit), my dinner was certainly higher in fat and in sodium than what I would normally eat if I had dinner at home. Truth be told, I was expecting to see the number on the scale go up this morning. Maybe this South Beach diet really works. . . .

I do perceive a little bit of weight loss in my midsection, believe it or not. I can tell a slight difference in the way the waistlines of my pants fit, too. I'm not sure I will be truly convinced that this is "real" weight loss until I get down at least 10 lbs from where I started, though. As of today, I am down 6.2 lbs from my start weight of 220, so perhaps in the next few weeks, I will see 210!

I am still slacking on the exercise front. This morning I woke up with a headache for the second day in a row (yesterday's was at 3:15 a.m.), and though it has subsided to a dull ache at this point, thanks to medication, I'm not feeling a trip to the gym this evening. I will walk the dogs for sure sometime after work, because they didn't get to go for a walk last night, but that will probably be it for exercise for me today.

My food plan for today is simple. I am meeting my mom at a nearby Mexican restaurant for lunch, so my goal is to avoid the chips and tortillas and get something with some good protein. I am going to allow myself to have pinto beans, though technically I shouldn't be having them while I am still on Phase One of SB. For dinner, I am going to bake salmon fillets and steam some mixed vegetables. I'll have some lowfat string cheese for a snack if needed. I'm also drinking lots of water in hopes that it'll ease my headache; I doubt it's related to dehydration, but it can't hurt.

It seems that all I've written about lately are my efforts on the diet and exercise front, but I am hoping that the accountability will help me stay on track. I find that I can usually stick with any diet/exercise plan for a few weeks; it's the longer-term commitment that often evades me.

P.S. I added a weight loss ticker today. At first, I put my usual turtle (or snail) on the ticker, but I changed it to a star in hopes of projecting a more positive attitude about my eventual success. ;-)

My husband says I'm cruel

214.6

I'm still rockin' the South Beach. It's gotten easier, truth be told. The exercise still hasn't picked up, but I am walking the dogs for 20 minutes each night, so that's something.

I woke this morning to headlines about the death-by-overdose of 80s star Cor.ey Ha.im. I must confess, he is little more than a familiar name to me. While I have no doubt seen a couple of his movies when they came out over 20 years ago, they were not among my favorites, and I don't watch reality television,

Even MM mentioned this to me as soon as he was up. (The first thing MM does every morning is check CNN on his BlackBerry, before he is even out of bed.) When I told him that I don't see why the death of a washed-up child actor who was a known drug addict rates as front page news, he told me that I'm cruel.

Don't get me wrong. I think that the untimely death of anyone at age 38 is sad. I just don't see why it's all that newsworthy.

Maybe I am cruel. I still don't really get it. With all that is going on in the world, Co.rey Ha.im's overdose is the most important thing that has happened thus far today?

Weekend re-cap

216.0 (too bad; yesterday's was 215.4)

I enjoyed my weekend, and my eating was pretty good. I ate a big and late-ish dinner last night, which I believe is the reason the scale is up slightly this morning from the day before. Nevertheless, I am down 4 lbs today from where I was a week ago, so I'll take it!

The weekend weather put a damper on my exercise plans. I did take the dogs for their walk Friday evening, as planned, but I opted to skip the gym on Saturday morning because I had planned a 3-hour hike for Sunday. That turned out to be a bad decision. Unfortunately, the weather turned rainy earlier than expected on Sunday, and my hiking plans had to be scrapped. I ended up getting no exercise on Saturday or Sunday. Bummer.

All in all, last week was a decent one for my exercise-wise. I fell short of my goal of 2 miles of walking, 6 days a week, but I did get in four 30-minute (or longer) workouts. Not bad.

It is still overcast and intermittently sprinkling here today. I didn't do a good job of planning ahead today and did not bring my gym bag to work; in fact, I haven't even emptied it since last week's single trip to the gym on Wednesday evening. So no trip to the gym today. Even if the weather clears up a little later, I'd say outdoor exercise is probably out. The ground is soaked and muddy throughout our development at the moment, so unless I stuck solely to streets and sidewalks (which I usually don't do), it would be a messy walk, especially with the dogs. Maybe I will brave it anyway; we'll see.

I also did not come prepared with meals and snacks today. I had a good breakfast: a mini-omelet with two eggs and salsa. Lunch is easy: I'll just get a grilled chicken salad from one of the several restaurants near my office that make good ones. I have a healthful dinner planned which will take me only a few minutes to whip up once I'm home: leftover salmon from the weekend and frozen veggies. Snacks will be more difficult, and I usually eat two, one between breakfast and lunch and one a few hours after lunch. At the moment, I am not at all hungry, but we'll see how the day goes. There is a Fresh & Easy a few minutes from my office, and I can go there for some lowfat cottage cheese or something if necessary.

I had a productive day yesterday. My mom came to my office and helped me clean up my filing, desk and credenza, so the office looks far neater and more organized than usual. I'm hoping that it will inspire me to be more productive this week! I also did three loads of laundry and put them away, in addition to a bunch of clothes that have been hanging around the bedroom for a while. For some reason, having my mom around inspires me to be more organized. . . . which is very ironic, considering that my mom is quite DISorganized herself. (My sister and I used to rib her that we were going to nominate her for an episode of "Hoarders." She's actually not quite that bad, but she is a clutterbug.) Maybe she reminds me of what I don't want to be like. . . . a cautionary tale, rather than a good example to follow. Who knows.

Duty calls, so I have to get back to work.

Quickie

215.8 or 216.8 (depending on which step on the scale is to be believed)

All in all, I think I did pretty well yesterday. As I'd anticipated, I got in no exercise, but I did say no to the delicious boxtys and Irish soda bread being served at the Irish pub where we had dinner. . . both of which were very tempting. I had a huge salad with grilled chicken breast for lunch, broccoli and cauliflower with hummus for an afternoon snack, and for dinner, some seared Ahi tuna skewers and the innards of a Philly cheesesteak sandwich. Not ideal, but still low-carb.

I am out of fresh veggies at home, so today's lunch will be another salad with chicken. I will probably pan-fry some peppers and chicken sausage for dinner--yum!

I am already planning my getaway from work today so I can get home early enough to walk the doggies while it's still light. It's shaping up to be a beautiful day here!

Here's to the weekend!!

I'll take it

216.4

Yesterday was not a perfect day, but I'll take it. I ended up eating a little bit of crispy tortilla strips which were in my southwestern chicken salad for dinner and two cheese sticks, and I only walked 20 minutes, or a little over 1 mile, for exercise, but considering I had a bad headache in the afternoon and my mom arrived around 5:00 p.m., I'll count it as a good day.

Progress not perfection, right?

The scale was down a little bit more this morning. Always encouraging. I am fully prepared to weigh tomorrow and see no change, or even a slight gain. I was prepared for that this morning, actually, and was pleasantly surprised that I still showed a "loss."

This evening may be a challenge. We are meeting friends for dinner at a pub, and I'm not sure what the menu is. Exercise is not going to happen either because of our dinner, unless it ends much earlier than I think it will and I can still get in a walk with the dogs before bedtime. Well, even if I skip tonight's walk, I still have the whole weekend to make it up. And I am planning on a 3-hour hike on Sunday, if it doesn't pour rain.

Firing on all cylinders

216.8

The scale shows down another pound today. This is all the more satisfying given that I started my period today, which usually means a temporary gain on the scale. Even though I know this is not true "weight loss," it's still nice to see a lower number. . . . makes me feel that I am getting closer to being under 200 (my immediate, short-term goal) all the time. ;-)

Yesterday was a pretty good day, diet- and exercise-wise. I followed SB Phase One to the letter, with one small exception: I allowed myself to add 1/4 cup of pinto beans to my salad at lunch. Just adding that little bit of "good" carbs to the meal helped tremendously; I felt full for nearly 4 hours, and I had no nausea and no energy slump. I ate every 3-4 hours throughout the day and never felt hungry, except when it was time for my next meal or snack.

In lieu of walking 2 miles, I did 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer at the gym. (Distance of 2.39 miles total.) I had a really kick-a$$ workout. . . . the kind of workout where I felt I could've just kept going for an hour had I wanted to. I kept my heart rate up near the top of my target range throughout and generally felt awesome. Nice. (On a side note: I am absolutely loving the Po.lar heart rate monitor I got for Christmas.)

Today is off to a little rockier start, as I had an early appointment and was running behind, due to waking up with a slight headache (second day in a row waking up with a headache). I've made the right food choices so far but will have to pick up lunch out somewhere. I have a couple of SB-compliant options in mind.

Exercise might be tricky as well, as my mother arrives this evening. Perhaps I will persuade her to go along with me on my 2-mile walk, though I know her pace is way below what would actually elevate my heart rate. Any exercise is better than none, though.

It feels really good to be in control of my eating again and to be exercising more regularly. Why do I tend to forget how much I enjoy this when I slip back into my habitual, slovenly ways?

Hope this trend continues. . . . and thanks to my sister for giving me the kick in the a$$ I needed to recommit.

Pizza, the temptor

217.8

I continue to chuckle at how much the scale lies. Really? I lost 2.2 lbs since yesterday morning? I think not.

My first day back on SB was pretty good. I had a little bit of an energy crash in the afternoon, probably due to the fact that I ate no carbs at all. (I'd slept great and had no other explanation for my slump.) I also felt faintly nauseated after eating 3 1/2 servings of vegetables at lunch (a HUGE salad). So maybe I won't pack that many veggies into one sitting again.

I walked for 34 minutes, burning 193 calories according to my heart monitor, but I think my distance fell slightly short of the 2 miles I'd planned. I'm not 100% sure because I haven't mapped that route or measured the distance.

I had one little slip: MM ordered a pizza for dinner, and I had two bites after eating my own dinner. It was thin crust with no toppings (on the bites I ate), so it wasn't the end of the world, but still. . . . carbs.

I drank my usual 2-3 liters of water. I had a massage yesterday afternoon, and my massage therapist commented immediately that she could tell I was very well-hydrated. I was peeing every 30-45 minutes there for a while during the day; far more than I thought was proportional to my water intake, which was curious.

We shall see how today goes. I am planning to hit the elliptical for 30 minutes this evening to knock out my daily 2 miles. I usually go around 2.25 miles in 3 minutes on there, so I can make up for the mileage I missed last night, too.

Recommitting

220.0

I restarted the South Beach diet today for about the 50th time (OK, maybe more like the tenth or eleventh.) I am helping my sister stay on track as she loses weight in preparation for her 20th high school reunion in June. Obviously I should be working on losing weight for my own reasons, but I'll take this as a motivator for now.

In addition to doing SB, we are going to walk 2 miles a day, six days a week. Keeping it simple. I may knock out some of my days as a 30-minute session on the elliptical trainer instead; we'll see.

My mom arrives for her annual visit on Wednesday evening. She will be here until just after Easter, so a little over a month. So I need to figure her into the equation, too.

Not much else to say about that. I'd need to lose exactly 70 lbs to reach a healthy BMI of 25 (150 lbs for my height of 5'5"). A doable goal, but a long-term one, to be sure. . . . clearly, I'm not going to get there in the next 2 months, or even the next 6 months.

Wish me luck. . . . .

Humdrum

218.0

Lately I am feeling like I am just living each day. I don't mean that statement in the positive, Zen way in which it might be interpreted (though I believe that there is certainly something to be said for living in the present and enjoying each moment.)

I mean that I am not taking a global view of my life or working toward any medium- or long-term goals. I just get up each morning and do what I must do to get through that day: go to work, eat, sleep, walk dogs, hygiene, etc. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed. Humdrum.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy most aspects of my life. To the contrary; I am quite content. I am happy in my marriage. I love my dogs. I have great friends and family and am getting along fine with all of them and seeing as much of them as is reasonably possible, given everyone's schedules, distance and finances. I have lots of "me" time, and I have been making an effort to relax and read more in the evenings, once my "to be read" pile grew to over 15 books shortly after Christmas.

Work is the same as ever: some aspects are interesting, some less so. I still don't love billable hours, but I have realized that they are a necessary evil of my current position. I recognize and acknowledge the many positive aspects of my present job, and I know that, given the state of the economy and the job market, now is not the time for me to be looking to change jobs, even if I were that frustrated at work (which I'm not, most days).

I just feel ineffectual and directionless. To an objective outside observer, I would think my life looks pretty good. And no doubt, some third party would probably tell me that I have accomplished plenty in my life. From my perspective, though, I am the same fat, out-of-shape, disorganized person I was when I started this blog over four years ago. . . . honestly, I have been that same person for much, much longer.

I am OK with being in a somewhat stagnant place at work for the moment. I anticipate I will make a job change again at some point when the job outlook is better. I have some ideas about that but am totally aware that now is not the time. Looking at things from a broader perspective, I am even OK with being a somewhat mediocre lawyer. I still prefer it to my previous career.

But my acceptance of the current state of affairs with my career shouldn't mean that I have no goals on which I can focus. Quite the opposite. In fact, remaining in my same position while not having to learn a new one, and not job-searching, should free me up to focus more on other things. . . . things like exercising more, eating right, getting more organized at home, writing the novel I've often talked about and never started. Instead, I find myself as stagnant in my non-work life as I am at the office.

I am at a loss about what will shake me out of my complacency. I've tried baby steps. I've made attempts at a slow return to exercise a few times already this year. I am gung ho for a few days and then peter out. I start out most days with a healthy breakfast and a plan. Some days I actually stick to the plan, but as many days, I don't. I've tried doing "just 15 minutes" of cleaning and decluttering, and while it has kept the house from falling into complete chaos (along with MM's more regular cleaning routine), I have not made much progress.

Perhaps I need therapy? A cattle prod? To hire a "life coach"? I don't know.

The scale lies

218.2

I was totally perplexed by the number I saw on the scale this morning. I was out of town all weekend, so today is the first time I'd weighed myself since Thursday morning, when the scale showed 220.0. I did not have a good weekend food-wise: I attended a baby shower on Saturday and ate brownies and cake (among other things). Yesterday's food consisted of huevos rancheros and a caffe mocha for breakfast, a sub sandwich for lunch, ice cream & chicken strips for an afternoon snack, and ramen noodles for dinner.

I know I didn't drink enough water either day, and I didn't get enough sleep either. I didn't exercise at all.

Yet in spite of all this, I am, at least on the scale, almost two pounds lighter today. It makes no sense! I weighed myself three times in different positions on the tile, and each measurement was the same. So odd.

Oh, and by the way: I certainly don't look or feel any thinner. Nope, I'm as fat this morning as I was last Thursday.

As I was driving back to Phoenix from Tucson yesterday, I was thinking about the fact that my 40th birthday was a mere 13 months away and figuring out in my head how much weight I would have to lose during that timeframe to be at a a healthy BMI on my 40th birthday. (Yes, it is a long, boring drive, and I have way too much time to think while making it.)

In order to weigh 150 on my 40th birthday--which would give me a BMI of 25.0--I would have to average nearly 6 lbs of weight loss a month from now until then, or 1.25 lbs per week. This goal would be well within the guidelines for healthy weight loss.

Something to think about. . . .

Magical thinking

We all engage in magical thinking from time to time. I was aware of it just this week while watching the Olympics. . . . like somehow my holding my breath or yelling "look out!" will help a downhill skier who's about to crash or the figure skater whose landing looks wobbly.

This afternoon, I have been engaging in another type of magical thinking. . . . thinking that I somehow caused something bad to happen to someone, simply by thinking about it.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a message I'd like to send to my "first" (I will call him "E") on Fac.eb.ook about hoping that what he did to me didn't happen to his daughter, who is now the same age I was then. The post spurred comments about whether I had been raped, and I was quick to point out that what happened between this guy and me, while reprehensible on his part, due to his older age and greater experience, was not criminal.

I had lunch today with E's sister. We were in the same high school class and were friends (notwithstanding her brother's mistreatment of me). During the planning for our 20th high school reunion a couple of years ago, we learned that we both live in the Phoenix metro area, though at opposite ends. We work around 30 minutes from one another and have had lunch twice since then.

I hadn't seen her in over a year. She had alluded to 2009 being "a tough year for our family" in her email to schedule lunch, so I knew she had some bad news to impart. She told me first about her financial struggles and her other brother's impending divorce, which has been a long time coming. (They were having marital problems when I saw her last, and they weren't new then.)

Then she told me something that gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. After telling me about her younger brother's divorce, she said "But that's nothing compared to what happened to E" and proceeded to tell me how his 15-year-old daughter was basically raped by the two older brothers of one of her friends. E and his daughter live in a small town--even smaller than our hometown--and the parents of these guys are friends of E and his wife, people they have known since childhood.

Apparently while E's daughter was sleeping over at her friend's house, after the parents went to bed, the four teenagers started playing drinking games. E's daughter--who my friend describes as "a good girl" and her favorite niece--was unaccustomed to alcohol and soon passed out. While she was semi-conscious, each of the guys, her friend's brothers, "took advantage of her."

The girl didn't tell her parents for a few days out of fear of being punished for drinking, but E finally found out what had happened when he noticed significant changes in his daughter's behavior and probed further. The police are involved, and prosecution of the assailants is being pursued.

Once he learned about what had happened to his daughter, E fell into a deep depression. My friend said he would keep her and his mom on the phone for hours, talking about all the "bad things" he had done in his life and how G-d was punishing him. She believed he was suicidal at one point and had their father force him to seek help.

E is now on antidepressants and doing OK, but their ordeal is far from over. The case is still making its way through the courts, and E's daughter may have to testify at trial. Meanwhile, one of the guys apologized to the girl for his behavior and the other has been sending her hateful text messages calling her a "slut."

I know that my thought of "I hope no guy does to her what you did to me at her age" did not cause this--it happened before I even wrote that post, in fact--but I couldn't help the eerie feeling I had while hearing about this. I think anyone would be horrified to find that a 15-year-old had been raped, but my feelings went beyond that. I felt guilty, even though I did nothing to cause this.

Given the tenor of my previous post, one might think I would take some perverse pleasure in knowing that E had to go through something like this, but I don't. Maybe I don't really hate him as much as I thought I did.

Maybe I just find it impossible to take any pleasure in something so awful happening to an old friend's favorite niece.

Like a broken record

220.0 (ugh)

• I have been filled with self-loathing the past several weeks as I have watched the scale creeping slowly and inexorably up, up, up. However, my self-loathing has provided me with little to no motivation to stop its climb. (Why I even bother to weigh every morning is beyond me.) My eating habits, while never great, have not really changed that much since Christmas, and yet I am now gaining weight where I wasn't before. Perhaps it's middle age? I have made a couple of starts at resuming regular exercise, but even those have been short-lived and motivated more by avoidance of pain/injury than by a desire to get in shape and lose weight. WTF is wrong with me?!
  
• I am enjoying watching the Olympics. I'm not a big fan of most winter sports, having grown up in the desert and not ever participating in them myself, but I LOVE women's figure skating especially. And Lindsey Vonn is originally from MM's hometown, so of course we've had to watch the downhill skiing.
• I continue to be plagued by headaches. I woke up with a migraine yesterday and had to use heavy-duty drugs. I had a little residual headache this morning which, happily, has responded to a single dose of Ex.cedrin.
• My dad is having some health issues. (Actually, he lives with several chronic conditions, so he is always having health issues to some extent.) He had to be transfused with three units of blood yesterday for a very low hemoglobin/hematocrit, and the doctors do not know why/how his blood counts got so low. They are going to have to run tests to try to figure out where the blood loss is coming from. Meanwhile, Dad is tired, weak and short of breath as a result of being so anemic. He also just got over pneumonia which was diagnosed just after New Year's. Dad will be 68 years old on March 15, so these problems are more than usually concerning.
• I am looking forward to a fun-filled but busy weekend in my old stomping grounds of Tucson!
• The weather here in Phoenix this week has been absolutely beautiful. . . . the kind of days I'll want to think of fondly in July when it's 110+ for weeks at a time.

You decide

220.6 (OMG, I really weigh 220)

A certain couple I know recently had a disagreement about a minor issue, but I want to get my readers' take on who was in the right and who was in the wrong.

"A" and "B" are a married couple. (I am purposely going to refrain from telling you the genders of either spouse to avoid gender bias.) Because A knew that B was only working four hours today and would not be going into work until 1:00 p.m., A asked B to take A's car to have its emissions testing done. The car needs to be tested by Monday, which is a federal holiday, which essentially means that the testing needs to get done this evening or sometime this weekend.

In the interest of not cutting into time they both wanted to spend together over the weekend, and knowing that the wait times at the emissions testing centers are the shortest on weekday mornings, B (grudgingly) agreed to switch cars with A for the day and take the car to the emissions testing center this morning before going to work. A and B left their cars respective keys out for each other on the kitchen table prior to going to bed last night.

This morning A left for work in B's car, as arranged. A had been at work less than an hour when B called to say that B had left B's wallet in B's car. B has no cash, no ATM card, and no ID, since they are all in B's wallet. B cannot write a check and cannot get cash at the bank without ID. Thus, B has no way to pay the $30 for emissions testing for A's car.

B believes that this is A's fault and that A should have noticed that B's wallet was in the car when A got in the car to drive to work. B is angry with A for inconveniencing B even further, because now B will have to take A's car to the emissions testing center this afternoon, when the wait times are bound to be longer than they would have been this morning.

A maintains that this is B's fault. B knew that A would be taking B's car for the day. It was therefore B's responsibility to ensure that anything B needed out of B's car was removed. A believes that this task could and should have been accomplished when the parties exchanged keys last night.

Thoughts? Who do you think is right?

Yet another sign that I am a terrible person

219.4

As is likely apparent from previous posts, I spend a little time on Fac.ebo.ok every day. (OK, some days more than a little.) One of the features of the site is the "news feed" which informs you about the activities of your "friends" . . . . like their status updates, whether they have posted photos or links to websites, and--most germane to this post--whether they have changed their relationship status.

Fac.ebo.ok offers a few choices for relationship status: single, married, in a relationship, and the ever popular "it's complicated." Fac.ebo.ok's reporting of changed relationship status was the way I first learned of a friend's break-up with her fiance shortly before Christmas. Today I noticed that a high school classmate of mine who I'll call "C" had changed his status from "married" to "it's complicated."

Interestingly, I had lunch with C's sister last summer (she was a friend of mine in high school; small town), and she had mentioned that he and his wife were having marital problems. Now, given the change in relationship status, I am guessing that they are getting divorced. They have been married pretty close to 20 years, I think; I know they have a son who is nearly 18.

I know it's wrong that my first thought was to let my divorced high school friend know that C may soon be back on the market. My friend was in C's class, and I know she has always found him attractive. There is an "all 80s" reunion for our high school in June, and she will no doubt see C there, assuming he attends (and I see no reason why he wouldn't, given that he still lives in New Mexico).

I guess I figure, hey! My friend didn't break up their marriage, and there's no reason why she shouldn't pursue an opportunity.

Yeah, I'm probably going to hell.

February's not off to a good start

On February 1, I had to leave work after only a couple of hours due to a worsening migraine. . . . and then deal with an additional "headache" trying to get my prescription migraine medicine that our insurance decided it will not pay for.

On February 2, I woke up with a red, painful right eye which grew worse through the day. By afternoon, I'd decided I needed to go to the eye doctor and was diagnosed with keratitis of the cornea. I'm glad I didn't follow my first inclination and just wait it out because it can lead to blindness if untreated. A $40 office visit and $40 worth of 4-times-a-day eye drops and I'm told the eye should improve soon. I can't wear my contact lenses for at least a week.

Today, February 3, I've woken up to gray skies with a slight headache, some lingering discomfort and redness in my eye, and a complete disinterest in going to work, where I have to spend the first three hours of my day attending a Webinar on Managing Law Practice Risk which is required by the firm's insurance carrier.

I am manning the "Woof Line" for Rescue a Golden this week and having difficulty even remembering to check the number once a day (no calls yet, though, thank goodness) and have been dealing with a non-working home phone that has required me to make two calls to the company which provides our phone service.

On top of all this, I started my period yesterday and have cramps.

Yeah, this month is not off to a good start. . . . .

(On a positive note, I did my second session of Pilates yesterday evening and went for a brisk 30-minute walk. Yea me!)

So. . . .

218.2

Recently I received an invitation from a law school classmate to participate in the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk this November. I was gung ho to do something for a great cause. . . . until I started thinking about what preparation for this event would actually entail.

The 3-Day consists of walking 20 miles a day, 3 consecutive days, for a total of 60 miles. There are rest stops along the route with water and snacks. From all I have heard, it is a very well-managed event.

In addition to devoting three days to walking, I would have to raise $2300 in donations in order to participate and pay a non-refundable $90 processing fee.

But it's not the distance or the donations that have me hesitating to sign up. It's my fear that I would not do the training required to prepare and would thus find myself physically unable to do the walk. It would be completely in character for me to wake up on October 1 and say "Oh sh1t! It's only 5 weeks until the Walk, and I haven't been training!"

A law school friend who did the 3-Day in '08 told me that it takes 16-24 weeks to train, depending on which program you use. You have to walk six days a week. You start gradually, only walking about 2 miles a day, and work up to walking 16 miles by the end.

When I mentioned that I found this prospect daunting, she said "Well, you probably exercise six days a week anyway, right?" Yeah. Uh, no, I don't already exercise six days a week. I know that I SHOULD exercise six a days a week, but I don't. (Let me also mention here that this friend has two small children, a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old, in addition to her full-time job.)

I then feel doubly ashamed for being afraid to commit to this. There is absolutely nothing preventing me from training for this! In fact, the majority of the training schedule would only consist of my doing what I should already be doing anyway: walking around a half hour, six days a week. (The doggies would love that, too.)

I hate that I am such a lazy slug that I can't even commit to doing this for a worthy cause, not to mention being unable to motivate myself to do it for my own health.

So tell me I should do it and how to make myself do the training.