Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Posted by S at 7:50 AM
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Posted by S at 12:40 PM
Monday, November 26, 2007
Keep a grateful journal. Every night, list five things that happened this day that you are grateful for. What it will being to do is change your perspective of your day and your life. If you can learn to focus on what you have, you will always see that the universe is abundant; you will have more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough.
I have read the same or similar suggestions from several other sources since. For a few months in late 1998 and into early 1999, I wrote regularly in my gratitude journal. . . . if not every night, then at least 3-4 nights a week on average. I adapted it to three things a day, finding five too difficult sometimes. Considering my lack of self-discipline, that is pretty good for me.
Lately I have begun thinking that I need to resume this habit. Finding three things each day for which I was thankful was sometimes easy, sometimes difficult, but always seemed to give me a greater appreciation of that day.
It is so easy to live our lives looking forward, to how things will be, and back, to how they were, or how we wish they had been. I want to be fully present in the here-and-now, and I’ve found that keeping the gratitude journal was a good way for me to do this. . . . in addition to the reasons that Oprah suggests.
I doubt I will post my gratitude journal entries here, as many of them are quite cheesy and personal. I might throw in an occasional one to spice things up, but for me, this exercise seems to work best if I keep my thoughts private and actually write them out by hand in a pretty little book just before I go to sleep.
In that spirit, and in the spirit of the recently-concluded Thanksgiving Day holiday, here are a few things for which I am grateful:
*My nephew Rowan. Being an aunt is way cool: all of the fun of being with a baby and none of the responsibility of being a parent. It’s neat to see Rowan’s different characteristics, especially the ones that seem to come from our side of the family. He is in that wonderful phase where he is exploring his world using all his senses. You can almost sense all that he is learning from his observations.
*The airplane. I have to admit, I don’t like flying much. . . . not because I fear it (I don’t at all), but because it is a hassle and very tiring. Plus it makes me feel faintly nauseated. However, inconveniences aside, it is such a quick way to travel. It would be next-to-impossible for me to visit my sister and nephew without the airplane; 3000+ miles is just too far for someone who only gets two weeks a year of vacation to travel for a visit.
*My sister. As a child, I sometimes wished I didn’t have siblings. (Don’t all kids, in their own selfishness, wish this? Especially first-borns?) At least since college, I have been very grateful to have my sister. Our relationship is fairly close, especially considering that we have not lived within 3000 miles of one another since graduating from college in 1994. It is a wonderful thing to have someone you can talk with who has known you almost all your (& all her) life; who knows your crazy family, because she’s a part of it; and who is someone you would choose as a friend if she weren’t already your sister.
I could probably post more, but that’ll be my three for today. :)
Not wholly looking forward to getting home. I have a couple of things I must accomplish today at work before 5:00, and I’m a little stressed about that. Best case scenario, I will likely not arrive at the office before 1:00 or so. (Not much point in worrying about it at the moment, however: I am stuck on the plane and can’t make it arrive any faster than its schedule arrival.)
In addition to the crap I have to face at work, I left my apartment a mess before I left. It really sucks to come home to a messy, disorganized home. You’d think I’d have thought of this before I left, but nope. In fairness to myself . . . . I did think of it, but work and spending time with MM took precedence over the two hours or so it would have taken to set things to rights in my apartment. I can’t really say that my priorities were out of whack there. :)
Add to all this the fact that I am really tired. I got up at 2:30 a.m. Arizona time this morning, after going to sleep at around 9:00 p.m. Arizona time. I need my eight hours of sleep to function optimally. . . . more when I am stressed, physically, mentally or emotionally. Travel is stressful for my body, at least, so between that stress and my relative lack of sleep, I will probably sleep like a baby tonight.
I *am* looking forward to seeing Sebastian and MM. Yes, in that order. LOL I have talked to MM once and texted him a few times since I left, while I have had zero contact with Sebastian (obviously). Plus, Sebastian has never told me that he’s thinking of ending things with me, for any reason. tee hee
I am planning to leave work at 6:30 today and drive out to my friend’s house to pick Sebastian up. We will then stop at MM’s on our way home; MM told me before I left (& again on the phone Saturday) that he wants to see me tonight. Poor Sebastian will have to be sequestered in one of the upstairs bedrooms so that MM’s allergies don’t act up, but I do want to see MM.
I thought that this trip and my time away from MM might give me a needed opportunity to think clearly about him and our situation. I think what I realized is that I’ve had clarity all along. No new revelations came to me, and my perspective hasn’t changed. My feelings for him are still as strong as ever. My doubts about the relationship have not increased or diminished.
I am more than a little hurt (& a little resentful) that, by sharing his feelings with me, MM has put me in the position of worrying about what’s going to happen between us. I have been so proud of myself for having been mostly serene about “where this is going.” Though it may not seem so from reading this blog, I have never been so relaxed & Zen about a relationship before. . . . particularly not one where I really care about the man.
My sister thinks that I am silly to worry about his breaking up with me. Her belief is that, were he genuinely planning to do so, he’d have just done it and not talked with me about it and his feelings. And she may be right . . . . but I am now unable to completely silence the little voice of doubt in my head. Before our conversation of 11/18, that voice was either absent, or so quiet that it was easily ignored.
Damn him for taking our nice, easy, casual relationship and making it stressful for me! :)
Anyway. . . . I just need to let it go and let whatever is going to happen, happen. I am not going to positively affect anything by worrying and obsessing over it.
Posted by S at 5:36 PM
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
I was perplexed as to why an airline would cancel a direct flight between two major U.S. cities on the busiest travel day of the air and more than a little annoyed, but because I had no alternative--a refund was not an option--I had to change the flight.
Posted by S at 12:06 PM
Posted by S at 9:47 AM
Monday, November 19, 2007
Posted by S at 3:10 PM
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Posted by S at 1:05 PM
Thursday, November 15, 2007
We are going hiking on Saturday afternoon and will spend the evening and the night together. (I've got to go to Tucson early Sunday morning.) And he is taking me to the airport next Wednesday when I leave for DC.
And I have nothing else to report. . . .
Posted by S at 9:41 AM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Posted by S at 8:17 PM
Monday, November 12, 2007
Posted by S at 10:26 AM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Much as I enjoy my usual boring daily posts about my relationships and mental status, I thought I'd mix it up today. ;-)
1. Do you like cheese? I love it! One of my favorite foods.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Hell no! I have never done drugs of any type and never would.
3. Do you own a gun? No.
4. Your favorite song? Too many I love to pick one favorite; my current fave is Paralyzer by Finger Eleven
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like 'em when I'm in the mood for them, especially at baseball games.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Angels We Have Heard on High. P.S. I hate secular holiday songs.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Starbucks caffe mocha
9. Can you do push ups? Yeah, about 20 real ones, 30 "girl" ones
10. Is your bathroom clean? Relatively ;-)
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My faux pearl Edwardian-style ring; I call it my un-engagement ring because I bought it for that finger after I broke my engagement and returned the ring
12. Favorite Hobby? Hiking
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Don't think I have one. Breasts aren't really consider a "secret weapon"
14. Do you have A.D.D.? No.
15. What is one trait you hate about yourself? My temper
16. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. (1) I'm so tired of hearing about my friend's ex-husband! (2) I'm totally into MM (3) Should I eat??
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought: All purchased yesterday: a shower caddy, a shirt for my nephew and panties from Old Navy
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: water, coffee, Dr Pepper
20. Current worry right now? Getting all my work done by the applicable deadlines
21. Current hate? "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy! Just stick a sharp stick in my eye, why don't you?
22. Favorite place to be? On a tropical beach with a great book. . . . or in MM's arms :-)
23. How did you bring in the New Year? At a party watching my ex-fiance pass out drunk and fall to the floor just as the ball dropped
24. Where would you like to go? When? To heaven when I die; to DC to see my nephew and on a weekend trip to anywhere with MM soon; to Italy before I die
26. Do you own slippers? Yes.
27. What shirt are you wearing? A blue T-shirt of MM's from Old Navy
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No; too slippery
29. Can you whistle? Yep.
30. Three favorite colors? Royal blue, green, and pastel blue
31. Would you be a pirate? No.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? You name it, I sing it
33. Favorite girl's name? Alexandra
34. Favorite boy's name? Robert
35. What's in your pocket right now? Nothing
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Something silly MM said
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Wizard of Oz
38. Worst injury you've ever had? I had a severe laceration to my left index finger requiring 7 stitches a little over 2 months ago
39. Do you love where you live? Most of the time
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? One
41. Who is your loudest friend? Me! LOL. OK, my friend M in Tucson.
42. Who is your most silent friend? C
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Not that I know of. . .
44. Do you wish on shooting stars? Sometimes
45. What is your favorite book? Too many to choose one. To Kill a Mockingbird is way up there, so I'll say that, since MM recently told me it is his favorite.
46. What is your favorite candy? Godiva chocolate
47. Favorite Sports Team? Arizona Diamondbacks
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Hmmm. Don't know
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Watching comedian Robert Schimmel at the Tempe Improv
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Which time? I guess it doesn't matter, because I thought of having sex with MM every time I woke up this morning, actually. ;-)
Posted by S at 4:29 PM
Friday, November 09, 2007
Posted by S at 11:08 AM
Thursday, November 08, 2007
In regard to my meeting his parents Saturday. . . . when MM first picked me up last night, he said that he'd decided not to pick me up after getting them from the airport because he sensed that I didn't want to meet them. That was, in fact, incorrect, and I told him so. So now the plan is that he will pick me up on his way to the airport. (He assures me that they will not be freaked out when he shows up at the airport with me. LOL)
He asked me again right before leaving, too, if I was sure I wanted to meet them and assured me that I didn't have to if I didn't want to. He has gone out of his way to give the impression that this is not a big deal to him and that he doesn't care whether we meet. . . . but I wonder.
After we drop off his parents on Saturday night, we are going to a comedy show at the Tempe Improv (his idea/suggestion). It should be fun! First time we've done that together, and I've never been to the Tempe Improv.
MM also invited me to a Thanksgiving party at his work on the 20th (he is going to be dressed up as an elf!) and a holiday party with one of his friends from work right after Thanksgiving. So it sounds like he's planning on my being around. ;-)
I am really getting more and more attached to MM. I would be a little more freaked out about it if I didn't completely get the impression that the feeling is mutual. He is very affectionate with me--and not even in a sexual way--and, in spite of our "arrangement," talks about me and us in a way that lets me know that our relationship is important to him.
Aside from my "arrangement" with MM--which is going very well, in my opinion--life in general is good. I am quite busy now at work. It used to be a simple matter for me to think of my upcoming deadlines and assignments, but I have been assigned to so many new cases in the past three weeks that I now feel a bit scattered. Well, I know I'll manage things OK. It's just a mental adjustment to go from having too little work to do to having a lot to do.
No plans to do anything tonight. Tomorrow is my payday, and in my usual fashion, I have almost no money left in my checking account--and haven't had all week. (Savings? Ha! I have none.) Once my direct deposit hits my account early tomorrow morning, I will finally have some discretionary income once again. I hate this living paycheck to paycheck sh1t, but whatever. I'm making some progress on that front.
Friday night KC & I are going to have a late dinner together once she gets off work. That should be fun.
Posted by S at 9:52 AM
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Posted by S at 7:36 AM
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Posted by S at 4:11 PM
Monday, November 05, 2007
Posted by S at 2:34 PM
Posted by S at 9:22 AM
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Posted by S at 10:23 AM