Thursday, August 30, 2007
Posted by S at 7:35 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Posted by S at 12:06 PM
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Posted by S at 8:12 AM
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Posted by S at 3:35 PM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Posted by S at 9:34 AM
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Posted by S at 9:33 AM
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
As much fun as it's been writing all about my angst over J, even I am getting a little tired of reading my recent posts. So I stole this meme from a blogger who is a complete stranger to me. . . . though we live in the same metro area.
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
A: attorney. That's my current career, and I really enjoy it. I know most people hate lawyers, but to me, the law is fun. Law school was three of the best years of my life, and I like practicing law, too.
N: nurse. That's my old career. Despite the fact that the work was fulfilling. . . . I don't miss it at all! I haven't worked a day in the hospital in a little over 6 years and have never regretted leaving it once in that entire time.
G: genuine. One of my best qualities, IMHO, is that whatever else I may be, I am genuine. I think 4 out 5 friends of S surveyed would agree. . .
E: educated. I have three degrees: two undergrad--nursing & psychology--plus my J.D. According to wikipedia.org, only 3% of the U.S. population holds a professional degree, so now that I have my law degree, I am part of a small minority. (27.2% of the U.S. population has at least a bachelor's degree.) I don't think having three degrees makes me better than other people; I find a distinct difference between education and intelligence. For me, earning my degrees was a pleasure because I've always been a big ol' geek who loves school. I'd get three more degrees if I didn't have to work for a living. . . .
L: love. Love is always a big part of my life, no matter what. Love for friends, family, men, Sebastian. My love life this year has been bad, bad. . . . and I love my Golden Retriever very much, more than most people I know. LOL Honestly, Sebastian is way more lovable than most people.
A: aunt. Becoming an aunt is one of the best things that has happened to me in the past year. I love little Rowan so much! Isn't he the cutest?
Posted by S at 9:16 PM
Posted by S at 8:27 PM
Monday, August 20, 2007
Posted by S at 10:42 AM
Sunday, August 19, 2007
I took down the super-long post I wrote late Friday night. I don't think too many people who know me in real life could find this blog, but just in case, I decided that I didn't want all that information out there. If these were only my own secrets I were sharing, it'd be a different situation, but despite my use of initials and pseudonyms for referring to people in my life, it's not outside the realm of possibility that someone could find one of my entries. Chalk it up to former prosecutor's paranoia. . . .
In place of that post, let me just say the following: after a 5-hour conversation with him on Friday night, I now know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that J and I will never again be romantically involved. The reason for this conclusion is such that this is an uneqivocal statement. I know, I know, I'm always posting about resolving to be "just friends" with him, etc. . . . .but this conversation revealed things that are absolutely unchangeable and an insurmountable barrier to any future between us, now or ever. If I wrote the reason for knowing we can never be together, I guarantee 99.9% of readers would agree. . . . but in the interest of protecting J's privacy, I won't. Let's just say. . . . what I learned is an unqualified deal-breaker for me, and a significant change in circumstance from when we dated in our 20's.
However, I feel certain that we will continue to be good friends. . . . likely even closer friends than we have been up to this point, for a few reasons which I can't get into.
Ever since I first got back in touch with J, I have assumed that the universe had a purpose for our reunion. I still believe that our reconnection was no coincidence . . . . only the purpose is not what I thought it was. In the beginning--and at several times subsequent--I naively thought that he was brought back into my life so that we could go back to where things went wrong between us before and start over.
Now I know that the real reasons, while not as romantic, are more profound. After our most recent long talk, I've come to a some important realizations, both about him and about myself. Chief among these is this: the fact that things worked out the way they did for us saved me from an unfathomable amount of grief and emotional trauma. THIS is the textbook example of a situation where one thanks God for unanswered prayers, truly.
There were literally hundreds of nights--before, during, and after dating J--that I asked God to allow us to be together, always. For a long time, J was the gold standard to whom I compared every other man. I now know why God's answer to my request to be with him was an emphatic NO. . . . and am wholly convinced that this answer spared me literally years of suffering.
I am being a bit cryptic, but trust me, this is big, big, big. I do not use these words lightly. Marriage between J and me would have been disastrous for me. . . . not because he is not a wonderful person, because he is. But I truly thank God, albeit belatedly, for not granting my petition.
J is still my "one that got away" (http://lovesseabass.blogspot.com/2007/07/one-that-got-away.html) . . . . but knowing what I know now, I'm so glad that "we" didn't happen! I can't even begin to explain how glad.
J and I also did a thorough post-mortem of our relationship of old. I came away from that with a very good feeling. He actually did care about me back then, even more than I'd realized, and is genuinely remorseful for the pain he caused me. And I was amazed & flattered by the little things about our time together that he remembers.
Posted by S at 7:08 PM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Posted by S at 8:10 PM
Look at me exercising the self-discipline! :)
Posted by S at 12:51 PM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Posted by S at 4:35 PM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I have been lying in bed since after 11:00. . . . over an hour now, and I cannot for the life of me get to sleep! I'm tired--weary, really--just not drowsy. It's too weird. I've tried all the usual stuff: counting sheep, warm milk, reading. Nothing doing.
I know I am going to be wiped tomorrow, and I have to go to court in the morning for one of the partners. Ah well. I know I will struggle through, with the help of Starbucks, but this sucks! I can't imagine how mental I would get if I suffered with insomnia regularly. . . . sleep is SO important to me.
Posted by S at 12:27 AM
Monday, August 13, 2007
I didn't exercise because I had a headache most of the day and because it was God-awful hot. And I won't be exercising tonight because I have to go to traffic school. :(
Posted by S at 11:56 AM
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Posted by S at 10:20 AM
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Posted by S at 10:24 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
I've decided my blog is boring. Sure, occasionally, I'll write a good entry. . . but by and large, much like my daily life, it's not very exciting. Ah well. I enjoying recording my various thoughts here, so I'm not going to let the boring factor stop me. This is why I titled the blog rambling and random musings. . . . because that's about all it is.
Posted by S at 3:27 PM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Posted by S at 8:03 PM
WTF is wrong with me? I guess I'll never learn. . . . .
Posted by S at 1:03 PM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Posted by S at 10:48 AM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Posted by S at 8:28 AM