Thursday, August 19, 2010

Query (post #700)

Do you consider it disrespectful, disloyal, or otherwise inappropriate for a married man to send a woman he had a relationship with in high school a message on Fac.ebo.ok including the following:

Hope all is well, you look great, and I see you are married. He is a lucky guy, you were always a sweet heart!

Other factors to consider: the man in question has other ex-girlfriends on his friends list besides the recipient of this message; he and his wife have been married for 16 years and have two children, ages 15 and 9; and the sender and recipient have not seen one another in nearly 20 years.


sybil law said...

No, to all 3.
Not unless the guy has a history of trying to chat up women on the sly, or another reason that would make it suspicious.
My husband talks to his ex girlfriends, I talk to my ex boyfriends on FB. No big deal.
He didn't say, "Man, i was thinking about that time we got naked and got it on behind the bleachers and I'd really love to do it again soon". He said she looks great and she was always a sweetheart. Friendly and complimentary, but hardly inappropriate.

Unknown said...

2 years ago I would have had a problem with it, but I was a different person then. Now? I don't see a problem with it. My man is friends with his ex-wife, and ex-girlfriend on FB and it doesn't bother me.
He is still in contact with them on the phone even, usually weekly, and I'm ok with that.
I am friends with most of the guys at work, and I talk on the phone to guys I went to school with, along with friend them on FB.
If you're not ok with it, that say something about you, about him, and about the state of your relationship.

Land family said...

I've come to realize this is standard facebook communication where normally there is no chance you're going to run into the person. It's a kind of flirtatiousness that I've had to get used to, or just not add any male friends or exes. Which, I don't think I have any real relationship exes because none of those ended well! But guys I dated, had semi relationships with have *ALL* nearly done similar things. I was beginning to think fb was nothing more than 30-40 hookups, but I've come to realize most are harmless. Most. I had one guy (married) coming on to me REAL STRONG. He's 1,800 miles away so I wasn't too worried, thought he was being silly, etc. Then he tells me to be careful and delete messages! I had to cut that off, even though it was hella fun. I wouldn't want to disrespect or hurt my husband.

I don't agree that it says something bad about you if you don't wish to be friends and in contact with your exes. It's entirely personal. I don't see it as being necessary-things ended poorly, more bad times than good, etc. What is there to talk about? What an a-hole he was (annd likely still is)? Granted, I've been with my husband for 15 years and I'm 37. *All* of my prior relationships were immature and honestly, not that deep. His ex (wife) cheated on him. Why should we all be friends? We have let go of them and moved on. Our true past relationships no longer matter to us.

But I respect my BFF who lets her ex, along with his wife and kids, come stay with her.

And honestly, I keep that kind of fb stuff to a minimum. If kept in check like that, I do feel it's harmless. But if it continues and builds, it could be trouble.

Flying Monkeys said...

I might be a tad weirded out if my DH received that but he wouldn't be weirded out if I did. Maybe he's more confident. I didn't see anything suggestive in that comment, it seemed harmless to me.