Monday, April 21, 2008

Day 4 of no caffeine

203.6 (nice. . . but I know I was still dehydrated)

Update on the illness front: when I woke up today, despite feeling pretty good (& actually a little hungry), I made a decision to put nothing but water into my stomach until I was sure it would tolerate more than that. By noon, when my off-site meeting concluded, I had consumed 2.5 liters of water with no churning/knotting/cramping. (Side note: I still didn't need to pee, which is how I know I woke up dehydrated.)

I decided to take a chance and get a fruit smoothie for lunch. I am more than 3/4 of the way through the smoothie, and aside from feeling full, so far no ill effects. Yea! I continue to have a dull headache, but I get so many headaches from so many different causes that I'm not even sure what I should blame for this one: caffeine withdrawal? dehydration? illness? too much time on the computer? Could be any one of the above or a combination.

I am going to take advantage of this unexpected illness to not only kick my coffee addiction (which is pretty well history at this point, I think), but also to start (for the gazillionth time) to eat right. I joined sparkpeople this morning so that I will have a place to track my weights, menus, and workouts. (I've read good things about it from others and have been eager to try it out myself.) I am going to hit the grocery store this evening after work, while I still have little to no appetite, and purchase healthful foods for the week. And of course, I will be hitting the gym with MM on Tuesday and Thursday as usual; now if I can just manage to drag my lazy ass there on Saturday & Sunday, when he's not along, I'll be hitting my workout target!

Let's see if my good intentions translate to action. . . . . .

I know I recently complained about my negativity in the blog of late (though arguably, that *is* one of the purposes the blog serves). So I want to share something positive on here today (and I don't think my goood intentions to get back on track with eating right count: I've written those same sentiments more times than I'd care to admit!)

During a moment of quiet reflection this morning, I suddenly began thinking of MM and how much he means to me. I really love the guy and am very happy in our relationship. . . . happier than I have been in a romantic relationship in a long, long time (maybe ever?). I know that he is not a perfect person, but who falls in love with someone because he's perfect?! Actually, MM's little quirks make him more lovable to me. . . . not to say that I don't see their potential to eventually drive me nuts. LOL No one I love is perfect, but that doesn't make me love them less. . . . nor am I perfect myself, far from it.

I truly think that the two of us are a great fit. Being with him is comfortable, but can also be exciting. I feel as though I've known him for years instead of just seven months. It amazes me to think that someone who I met online, less than six months after breaking up with my fiance, has come to mean this much to me. When I met MM, for the first time in my life, I really wasn't looking for someone with whom to form a long-term relationship; I just thought I should get out there and date so I wouldn't get stuck in a rut of singlehood after my break-up with SL. I know MM wasn't looking to fall in love--he wasn't even looking for a girlfriend at first--yet here we are. Maybe this is what people mean when they say that love finds you when you are not looking for it. (An expression I've always thought was an annoying crock of shit, by the way.)

I worry sometimes about what the future will bring as our relationship progresses. . . . not because of any inherent caution on my part or because of doubts about us per se, but because I know firsthand that just loving someone is sometimes not enough to make things work long-term. But today I feel optimistic that we will successfully negotiate the changes coming in our relationship and will be together for a very long time.

I love you, MM.


Land family said...

I absolutely believe that you find love when you aren't looking. That's why I advise "lookers" to get a hobby and distract themselves and not obsess on FINDING SOMEONE. Your husband will always drive you crazy, no matter how deep in love you are. Spending ongoing near continual amounts of time with someone is bound to get to even the nicest person! But hopefully there is always something that brings you back to them; when you are in love, sex is reconnecting. It's bizarre.

Glad to hear you are feeling better. I'm so excited about you detoxing as part of the illness. Smart move!

JessiferSeabs said...

Hmmm, perhaps I should take this "love finds you when you aren't looking" advice to heart.

Hilly said...

I absolutely agree that love finds you when you aren't looking...the thing is that most of us can't stop looking, dammit!

I am hoping that your good mood stays intact because you deserve it.