October has 31 days; 2 down

I woke up at 6:15 this morning, feeling mostly refreshed and ready to greet the day. I intended to go for my 2-mile walk with Sebastian, but instead I lay around in bed. Despite having risen an hour earlier than usual, I ended up at work only about 15 minutes earlier than I normally do.

I had a busy & stressful day at work. I planned to spend my afternoon preparing for my trial (I was in court all morning), and I did spend some time doing that. . . but more time was spent "putting out fires" and answering questions for my staff. (sigh)

It's only 9:15, and I'm already so tired. I will probably go to bed as soon as I finish this post. It's gonna be a long week.

My food choices today were OK. I had no breakfast, salad for lunch, and hot dogs & crackers for dinner, followed by a bowl of lowfat granola cereal for a snack. Drank lots of water as usual. Had no caffeine today and was surprised that I didn't really miss it.

Tomorrow afternoon is SL's interview with the managing partner of G&O. I hope he gets the job!

Had a nice chat with a couple of my law school friends after work, as well as a nice talk with my friend H on the way to work this morning. (H's newer baby girl is 1 month old today!) I also talked to my sis, and she is doing fine; fighting off a cold, but her pregnancy is going OK and she is surviving her bedrest (starting week #3).

Buenas noches!

Welcome to my nervous breakdown

(not weighing because I can't even be bothered)

Here I am, in my office on a Sunday, because I have so much f$%*in' work to do. I am in trial again starting Tuesday and lasting through Friday--and I have an evidentiary hearing tomorrow morning that will last at least until lunch--so I will have zero time in my office this week.

I am majorly stressed. I don't know how I am going to get through the next two months. Seriously. Just the work I have currently is more than I am going to be able to handle. . . and I know that other tasks will be coming my way because that's how it works in this office. I have three cases set for trial in November that I have only made a cursory review of; one of them is set for a date that I am out of the office for the birth of my nephew, so I'm going to have to try to beg someone else to take the trial for me. (Did I mention that an email has already gone out looking for someone to pick up an extra trial on that date for another attorney?) I have several other cases that have been recently acssigned to me that I have not reviewed, so I don't know if they are going to trial or not. And this applies only to my property & narcotics caseload; I also have my three new sex cases to factor in now. . . and they are all set for trial (one on 10/31, one on 12/12, and one on 12/19). It's going to take me a while just to get up to speed as to the law in those cases--an unfamiliar area for me--let alone the facts of the cases themselves.

AAAAARGGGHHHH!!!! I am going to lose my mind. I really do not see how I am going to handle all this.

My half-a$$ efforts at weight loss are really the furthest thing from my mind right now. I haven't exercised in over a month--my September challenge? HA! I never exercised AT ALL in September. . . not ONE minute, let alone 500 minutes.

Our home is in its usual state of chaos. . . and as usual, SL is little-to-no help in that department. I'll give the man credit: he can cook, he likes to cook, and he generally cleans up the kitchen after himself. But he is worse about leaving clutter around than I am. . . and that's saying something. And as far as deep cleaning goes, forget it: he has never swept or mopped the kitchen floor once in the nearly one year we've lived in that apartment. He's never dusted, and if he does laundry, it's his and none of mine (he claims I don't like the way he does my laundry. . . which is partially true, but wouldn't it be kinder to do it my way than to refuse to do it all??).

SL has promised me that the two overflowing baskets of his mail that have accumulated over the past several months (the man rarely ever opens his mail) will be cleared up before he goes to bed tonight. He rarely breaks his word, so I imagine he will actually get that done. . . probably not before *I* go to bed, but sometime before I get up tomorrow. He also has three overflowing baskets of CLEAN laundry (that *I* washed) to put away; he hasn't touched those in weeks either.

I let SL know that I won't wash any more of his clothes until/unless he puts away his clean laundry. Knowing him & his stubbornness, I anticipate I will be doing only *my* laundry when I return home this evening. . . . which just means that the bedroom hamper will still be full--of his clothes--even after I do laundry.

Well, as good as bitching about my situation feels, it's not getting anything done around here. So I'm gonna close and get back to work.

If you pray, pray for me. :)

How many trials can I do before the end of 2006?

224.6

I finished my trial at 2:30 on Wednesday afternoon (short trial). The jury deliberated for about 35 minutes and came back guilty. It was a relief to have that out of the way so that I could get back to preparing my bigger trial for next week (which also includes the same defendant plus an accomplice).

A while back I posted that I had expressed a desire to be assigned to the special victims unit in my office. Well, the chief criminal deputy (aka my supervisor's boss) decided to assign 3 cases each from this unit to me and to the other two interested attorneys. All of three of the cases reassigned to me are set for trial. So now in addition to my already brutal trial schedule, I have three more trials to do before the end of the year.

I really am not sure how I'm going to do all this. I don't know how I am going to keep up with all my desk work when I am in trial week after week after week. Plus, even if I didn't have other things to deal with besides my trial cases--and I *do* have other things to deal with--back-to-back trials barely leaves me time to prepare for the next trial(s).

Well, it looks like I am going to be spending a lot more time at work over the next couple of months. I told SL that I will be surprised if I don't have a nervous breakdown before Thanksgiving. I know he will be supportive.

At least I got the bulk of our wedding planning done already. I need to order the bridesmaid dresses soon and buy our invitations sometime next month; otherwise everything that needs to be done before the first of the year is taken care of. So I am free to focus wholly on work.

Aside from work stuff, not much is going on. I haven't been eating too much or too much "bad" stuff, but I haven't been planning meals or eating enough veggies. And I haven't been exercising. I need to at least start walking again; I think it'll really help my stress level, if nothing else.

Even though I'll be going in to my office Sunday afternoon to do more trial prep. . . I'm glad it's almost the weekend!

Two months from hell--coming up!

(haven't weighed in a few days)

I'm sleepy, but I wanted to do a quick blog entry because I know it will be days before I will have the time and the inclination again.

For the first time in a long time, I actually got nearly everything on my to-do list done today! (I didn't clean my bathroom, but it's not terrible, and it'll keep: no one but me ever uses it.) I was supposed to visit my CASA child M today, but something came up, and her foster dad called me about an hour before the visit to see if we could reschedule to next weekend. Though I was disappointed not to see her (I haven't seen her since before Labor Day), I was also relieved in a way because I had so frickin' much to do.

I have been out of town every weekend this month! All the trips were for fun stuff--Mom in town, Diamondbacks game, trip to New England for wedding, girl time with K--but it is tiring. And my upcoming trial schedule is likely to be hellacious.

I have a trial starting on Tuesday. (In the county where I practice, the Superior Court starts the majority of its trials on Tuesdays.) I have two trials the following Tuesday; thank goodness, I have enlisted help to cover the second trial. I have a trial scheduled the second week of October also. The third week of October, I will be at a 4-day training 250 miles from home. I have another trial the Tuesday after I return. I then have a one-week break for Halloween week (why, I don't know), then two trials each of the first two weeks of November. Whew!

I am "behind" on my yearly trial stats--it is the expectation of my boss that we will do 10-15 trials a year, and I've only done 4 so far--but I didn't really want to make up my entire deficit in a 2-month period! LOL It's going to be really stressful and busy being in trial back to back like this. I hope I survive it! :)

The one saving grace is that I have already done almost all the wedding stuff that has to be done until late January. The only two remaining things are ordering the bridesmaid dresses (which I *could* delegate to my maid of honor, if necessary) and ordering the invitations: SL & I have already selected them, we just need to order them--that could probably be delegated, too, to SL! :)

SL had a third interview with G&O last Friday. It went well. The lawyer with whom he interviewed used to work at the same office where I work (& where SL worked for about 2 years), so they knew one another slightly and had that shared experience to talk about. Also, she asked two of SL's former supervisors about him, and apparently they gave him glowing recommendations. She told him that she believes he has the job. . . but it's ultimately the managing partner's final decision. He is out of town a lot, but SL should be meeting with him in the next week or two. I will continue to keep my fingers crossed for him (us).

Gotta hit the hay.

P.S. I haven't given up on Dr. Phil's book; just haven't had time to read it the past few days. I will get back to it.

Fickle

225.2

I have been so tired today! I think my clock is still out of sync from being 3 time zones away for 5 days. I've had a cup of coffee now, though, and walked up 9 flights of stairs; hopefully that will perk me up.

Today is really my last day in my office until my next trial on Tuesday 9/26. Tomorrow I will be out of the office for training, and Monday I will be doing grand jury all day.

I think I have everything I need ready for trial--it should be simple & straightforward, a one-count indictment against a defendant who will not be present. There is always a bit of anxiety, though, not knowing what might come up last minute.

The scale is such a weird thing. As you can see above, I'm down 1.8 lbs since yesterday morning. Not for a moment do I really think I am 1.8 lbs lighter today than yesterday. :) Yet another reason not to allow the number on the scale to get me down: it's fickle.

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that I've started reading The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution by Dr. Phil. I know lots of people don't like Dr. Phil, but his no-nonsense approach appeals to me. I am only about 40 pages into the book, so we'll see what effect, if any it has on my behavior. Clearly just trying to power through like I did back in 2003 has not been working for me. So I am open to trying another approach.

It's a sad thing when not even my upcoming wedding can motivate me to get off my duff & exercise and eat better. Ah well.

Not much else new here.

My 100th post!

227.0 (whatever)

Long time no blog. SL & I just flew back yesterday from a 5-day trip to New England. We planned the trip so that we could attend the wedding of my friend (& former roommate) K in Newport, Rhode Island; we also stayed a couple of extra days so that SL could see Boston for the first time.

We had a very good time. The wedding was lovely, the weather was perfect for our entire stay--high 70s, sunny, slight breeze--and we got to see a lot in a short time. This was the first vacation I have taken since starting to work full time as a lawyer, and it was great.

Back at work today. Aside from being a little behind on reviewing new cases, things were OK at work in my absence. No disasters occurred during my absence. Hmmm. This may encourage to take another vacation some time. LOL

My sister has been placed on bedrest! Her doctor is concerned because her blood pressure is elevated and has ordered her to stop working and be on bedrest. She is only 31 weeks pregnant, so it could be a long 8-9 weeks if she goes full-term. . . or this could lead to an early delivery. I am worried about her and the baby. I hope the bedrest remedies the problem and that everything is OK. Needless to say, she is a bit freaked out about the whole thing, too. . . on several levels. She also hadn't planned to be on a 8-9-week medical leave prior to having the baby, so there are financial concerns as well. Poor thing.

As reflected above, my weight is the highest it's ever been. I'm sure the morning after a vacation is probably NOT the best time to decide to start weighing oneself again. Ah well. I figured I'd have to face the music eventually.

I did eat a lot of less-than-healthy things on the trip, so I may have, in fact, gained weight. We also did a lot of walking, though, so I probably got in quite a bit more activity than usual. I'm certain that I am dehydrated from flying, too: my engagement ring has been fitting really tight since yesterday (it's starting to return to normal now).

So far today, I've only had 10 pts: a protein shake for breakfast and a Lean Cuisine entree for lunch. I've also had 3 liters of water. I'm going to try to drink a total of 4 liters today to get my body back in a fluid balance. I've started having to pee every hour (at a minimum), so that's a good sign.

SL has a third interview at G&O on Friday. This interview is with the other attorney on whose trial team he will be working if he gets the job. My understanding is that he still has to interview with the managing partner who will then decide whether or not they will make him a job offer.

The interview process is taking quite a while! I'm actually encouraged by that; I can't help but think that they must be seriously considering SL to be expending all this time & energy on him. I think he is extremely qualified for the position and would be a good fit for their firm.

We are continuing to keep our fingers crossed. It will be HUGE for us if he gets this job. I don't want to get my hopes up, though, in case it falls through.

I have a short week this week: I'll only be in the office today & tomorrow, then out for an all-day training on Friday. I am going to spend the night with my best friend K on Friday night, and she & I are going to go get facials on Saturday morning. It'll be my first-ever facial, and I'm looking forward to it. (Of course, I am also looking forward to spending time with K.)

Better get back to it!

Brrrrr . . .

(on a scale boycott)

My office is frickin' freezing this afternoon! It is usually a bit on the chilly side in here. . . but this is beyond the usual. Wow. It's weird to be cold in Arizona in September.

I am working my way through to-do list, slowly but surely. I am going to be out of the office Friday, Monday, & Tuesday, so I'm trying to get things squared away before I leave on Thursday.

As I type this, SL has his second interview with G&O. I know he was nervous because he called at about 2 and told me so. I pray all goes well, and he gets the job. He is unhappy at work, and we could really use the money. SL looked up his current salary relative to other lawyers in his field in our area; his salary is in the 7th percentile. Sad.

We are slated to go to the gym tonight and lift weights. If we follow through, that'll be first exercise since the week before last. Slacker.

Back to work. . .

Some people are such idiots

(not weighing by choice)

I just had to post about something that happened this morning. SL & I have a wedding website set up so that our guests all over the country can learn a little about us as a couple and about our wedding plans. One of the features of the website is a guestbook. It's been really fun reading the comments family & friends have left for us.

I have the website set up so that I must approve comments before they can be viewed by anyone besides me who visits the guestbook. The website automatically sends me an email to review the comment once it is submitted by the person who wrote it.

I got one of those emails this morning. When I went to our website to review the comment, it was rude, rude, rude. The writer identified him/herself as "lisaloeb" and made a comment to the effect that SL & I together had enough extra fat "to feed a whole Alaskan town."

I feel pretty confident that this comment was not left by anyone who knows either of us. What pathetic person has nothing better to do with his/her time than leave a hateful comment like that on someone's wedding website?!

Whatever. I deleted the comment, and I've changed the website settings so that from now on people will have to have a password to view the guestbook and certain other pages on the website with personal information. Because the site that hosts our website does not have a directory, it hadn't occurred to me that anyone to whom we had not given the url would be visiting the site. Naive of me, I guess.

SL & I had a fun weekend. We got to see our friends M & A and their new baby girl yesterday. SL held the baby: first time in his life he has ever held an infant! He felt a little uncomfortable, but he did great; she even fell asleep while he was holding her.

We also went to the baseball game. It was a good one; the D-backs won, Brandon Webb pitched all 9 innings and only allowed one hit. Very fun.

Back to work in the morning. I have a short week again this week because we are leaving early Friday morning to fly to New England for a wedding. I'm really looking forward to the trip.

Lack of resolve

(have not weighed for a few days)

I had to laugh when I looked at the exercise goal that I posted for myself last time. I have not exercised once since my last blog entry. We didn't even go to the gym & lift weights this week, let alone did I do any aerobic exercise.

I think I have given up on the idea that I am going to lose any significant amount of weight any time soon. I went ahead and ordered my wedding dress Thursday in my current size. It is supposed to arrive the first week of January, so three full months before the wedding. That should give me plenty of time to get any needed alterations done.

I'm not really sure what my hang-up is re the whole weight loss thing. I'm just not "in the game" mentally. I can be dedicated for a few days or even a week. . . and then my resolve just dissolves and I revert to unhealthy habits.

I wish I could recapture that weight loss fervor I had back in 2003 and early 2004. From January to April 2003, I lost 35 lbs with really minimal effort. Really. I mean, I counted points and I exercised three times a week, but I didn't do much more than that. My main exercise was a brisk walk, and I rarely ate the 5 servings of fruits/veggies WW recommends, at least in the beginning. At the time, a friend said I was losing weight "like a snake shedding its skin" and that was pretty much true.

Post-Zoloft, however, my losses, if any, have come much, much more slowly. And I just don't seem to have the commitment to the whole exercise/weight loss regime that I had back then. Well.

I had a decent week at work. One very sad thing: my friend L, whom I have known since law school and who had been working at our office longer than me, has resigned. (Yesterday was her last day.) I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. She was one of those people whose office I could go to if I needed to vent or just get input about a sticky situation. Plus she is just way cool and fun; always able to put a smile on my face.

The saddest thing I've experienced at my current workplace is having so many of my friends leave. Of the group of lawyers I started with, five have now left (only me & two others are still there). I have to honestly say that I considered three of those five friends, and I really liked a fourth (the fifth person: I was glad he left, never liked). These numbers don't even include the staff members who have resigned or the people who worked on other trial teams who I only knew slightly but liked. It's depressing. I only have three people in the office now whom I consider trusted friends. That's not to say that I don't like my other colleagues; it's just that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else a secret or revealing uncertainty. Ah well. There are far more people left who I don't trust and cannot rely upon, and that's an unhappy circumstance.

SL got a call back for a 2nd interview from the firm that interviewed him last week. We are both really, really hoping he gets this job. He has been increasingly unhappy in his current position, so he needs a change. Also, this job will pay at least $30,000 a year more than he is making now. I can't even begin to describe what a difference that money would make to us as a couple. Within a year, he would be able to pay off all of his credit cards and buy a house. Not to mention we would no longer have to go into debt to finance the wedding. And we would actually be able to afford to have a child then. . . hell, I might even be able to work part-time for a while. . . a circumstance that's only a dream in our current financial situation. I pray they hire him!

We are off to Phoenix today to go watch the Diamondbacks play the St. Louis Cardinals. We are going to visit our friends M & A and their newborn daughter, too. Fun!

Yahoo avatar

Baby girls galore

222.2 (grrr. . . )

My eating this weekend was crappy. I started out on Saturday trying to make good choices. . . my friend K & I went to Chili's for lunch, and I chose a salad (drsg on the side), and we all had dinner at PF Chang's, where I again made a healthy choice. But by Sunday morning's breakfast at IHOP, those good intentions were down the crapper. Hence the gain on the scale this morning.

I'd like to say that I got right back on track today with healthy choices, but that would be a lie. I skipped breakfast because I had an early court hearing, and we had an office potluck for a friend who has resigned. I ate all kinds of unhealthy crap again today.

Well, in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, I'll think about it tomorrow. SL & I have a pretty healthy dinner planned; I do anticipate I will be back on track tomorrow.

SL & I are headed to the gym tonight to lift weights. I am still at zero minutes of aerobic exercise this month, and I won't be doing any today either. Well, there are still 25 days left in the month after today, right? Driving 11 hours (& over 800 miles) in one weekend doesn't really lend itself to getting a lot of exercise.

My friend H gave birth to her second daughter on Saturday--yea! She & I spoke briefly on Friday morning; the previous Tuesday had been her due date, but she seemed very serene despite the baby's arrival being late. I hope she and her family are doing well, and I hope for her sake that this new baby will be as good a baby as her first (who is now 21 mos old).

H's baby is the third baby girl born to a friend or family member of mine in the past thirty days. Our friends M & A (who moved away in April and who we will be visiting this coming weekend, yea) had their first child, a baby girl, on Aug 8th. My cousin B had her third child, a baby girl, on Aug 20th. And now H has brought another baby girl into the world. Fun, fun, fun! I love baby girls.

The ironic thing is, I still have several friends & family members who are expecting. . . but so far those who have found out the sex of their babies are all having boys. I guess August was the month for girl babies this year.

SL & I got into an argument over the stupidest thing yesterday when I got home: he opened up a Happy Meal toy that I got over the weekend & was saving for my CASA child. It really peeved me that he went ahead & unwrapped and assembled the toy! Stupid, I know, but WTF? It clearly wasn't for him, and half the fun of a new toy is opening it up!

Even though our fight started over something so dumb, other issues were brought up and tempers flared. Anyway, we chatted this afternoon, and I think we have resolved our tiff. (sigh)

Glad it's a short week!

P.S. Ooops! Forgot to say: it was good to see both my parents, however briefly. I wish they lived closer so I could see them more often. :)

New goal for September

218.2 (better)

I have been really happy with my eating efforts this week! I have not accomplished 100% of my goal--for instance, I didn't quite get in my 5 servings of fruits/veggies 2 days--but on the whole, I've done well. Tracking points, journaling, avoiding temptation to overeat (even when hungry), staying within points (if you include using flex & APs), drinking lots of water. SL & I have lifted weights twice this week and have an appointment to do a third session after work this evening.

The one thing I have been slacking on. . . for no apparent reason. . . is my aerobic exercise. As I'd posted before, I had been walking 2 miles at least 3-4 mornings a week. This week I haven't gone walking once.

Enter. . . the exercise ticker & my goal for September. I am committing, today, to do 500 minutes of aerobic exercise this month. The exercise can be in the form of walking, elliptical trainer, stairmaster, bike. . . so long as I do a little over 30 minutes 4 times a week, I should have no problem achieving my goal.

My one rule for this personal challenge to myself is that time spent lifting weights does NOT count toward the 500 minutes. I really enjoy lifting, and having SL go with me to the gym has provided lots of additional support (& getting ready to order my dress has supplied the motivation to tone up). But I think I will lose weight/inches more quickly & steadily if I add back the aerobic exercise.

My mom flies in tomorrow! She is only staying one night, but it'll be good to see her: I've only seen her once face-to-face since my law school graduation in May 2004, and that was about 18 months ago for about an hour. Her visit is going to lead to 11 hours of driving for me over the course of the weekend, but it'll be OK. I'll also get to see my dad very briefly, and that'll be nice, too.

Happy Labor Day weekend!

Mount Washmore

(forgot to weigh)

As I mentioned in my last post, I have found a wedding dress. After taking the weekend to think about it and gathering input from my "inner circle," I have decided to buy the dress. I am able to get it for over $100 less than the bridal salon is charging by ordering from netbride.com. . . which is great, because I'm now coming in slightly under budget for the cost of the dress.

I am going to order the dress the first week of October, so I have 5 weeks to try to lose as much weight as I can before I order. Despite my stepped-up exercise efforts, my eating has not been 100% on program, and as a result, I have not lost any weight or inches.

I am redoubling my efforts to lose before I order! As I type this, I am starving (& have been for the past 45 minutes), but I am determined to give an all-out effort before I order the dress.

I had an OK weekend. We went out to dinner with friends F & T Friday night. Saturday I had lunch with my friend A, and we went and visited my dress at the bridal salon (I'd hoped to try it on for her, but there were too many other customers ahead of us). SL & I went to the gym & lifted weights in the late afternoon. Sunday M came over and went swimming (she had a new bikini that she wanted to debut, lol).

As usual, I accomplished very little. Except that I am up to page 260-something in I Know This Much Is True. :)

Tonight SL & I are headed to the gym after work to lift weights. Our plan is to go Mon, Wed, Fri this week. We'll see if it comes to fruition. . . .

I really need to do some laundry tonight. Almost out of work clothes!

I may have found The Dress

I tried on this dress yesterday, and it was the first one I've really liked. I'd have to get the train bustled, though.

Here's the link:

http://www.morilee.com/DressDetail.aspx?C=2&D=3651&P=3

Life in cyberspace

220.4

My mood was improved today. I'm wondering if yesterday was PMS. . . ? Having never had PMS before, I can't be sure. But today is day 14 of my 28-day cycle--ovulation day--so I'm sure there have been some hormonal changes going on in my body in the past 24 or so hours. Hmmm. I'm going to have to keep an eye on that now that I'm off the pill.

I had a decent day at work. Didn't get quite as much done as I'd hope, but got a few things accomplished. There was an article in this month's Oprah magazine about how to accomplish more at work. I'm thinking I'm going to re-read it and perhaps put some of its suggestions to use. Goodness knows I could always improve on my efficiency.

Didn't get to the gym tonight as planned because we both got home late from work. I don't like to work out too late in the evening; it keeps me from having a restful night's sleep. I have my monthly book club dinner tomorrow night, so it looks like I'll only be getting in two weight-lifting sessions this week. Ah well. It's an improvement over what I was doing a month ago: not lifting weights at all!

SL claims he will go to the gym without me tomorrow night. We'll see. :)

I'm going wedding dress shopping with my friend A on Saturday. I am not going with the expectation that I will find anything I like; I'm looking on it more as a scouting mission. I called two bridal shops here that say they stock up to size 26. I'm just hoping to try on a few dresses with a similar silhouette and neckline to the dresses I've seen online that I like. I fully expect that the majority of the dresses I will see will be way too ornate and/or frou-frou for my taste. And I hope the salespeople aren't pushy.

I am bound and determined not to pay more than $350 for my wedding dress. Ideally, I'd like to stay under $300. Not including alterations, of course, which are also going to add up, no matter where/what I buy. Jeesh.

I'm debating buying a dress off the internet, either from eBay or from netbride.com. Of course, if I do either, I'll be buying a dress that I've never tried on. Not sure how I feel about that. . . especially given the fact that I am not a very good judge of what flatters me. I know what I like, but I don't necessarily know what looks good on me. That's what I have my girlfriends for!!

So glad the week's more than half over!

The Ring

Wrong side of the bed

220.2 (whatever)

For some reason, I have not been in a good mood today. If I start looking around for reasons to feel low, I can certainly come up with some. . . but to be honest, I am not entirely sure what has brought this on.

One thing I am definitely bummed about: my weight. I have been back on WW for a little over 2 months. I have been following the plan at least 75-80% of the time. I've been exercising A LOT. Yet my weight is basically at a standstill: I go down a few pounds, then back up a few pounds.

I am back at the point where I am just about ready to say "f$%* it." I am going to keep on with the exercise, though, because it makes me feel better, physically & mentally. Seriously, I think regular exercise helps my mood more than Zoloft did. . . and without the nasty side effects. But I don't see what the point is of limiting my food intake and avoiding foods I like just so that my weight can stay the same.

SL & I went to the gym and lifted weights last night. I was proud of us! (Of course, aside from our outing to the gym, I did nothing all evening & the house is still a total disaster. . . but whatever, that's another topic.) I also got up this morning and walked/jogged my 2 miles with Sebastian. I actually walked most of the route, but I did jog for 5-6 minutes total.

I had my annual physical yesterday. I like my new doctor. It is more than a little frustrating, though, how little any doctor can do to help with obesity. All my labwork came back normal (with the exception of borderline high cholesterol). So I don't have any kind of metabolic disorder causing my inability to lose weight; my thyroid function is also normal. When I told my doctor that I already exercise 4-5 days a week and don't eat poorly, she didn't look like she believed me, first of all. Then she suggested I might join Jenny Craig; I informed her that I already follow the WW plan and see no reason to pay lots of money to eat more processed food. At which point she basically shrugged and had nothing else to suggest.

Well, as I've mentioned before: another 20-30 lbs and I will be a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. I do sometimes wonder lately if this weight issue is going to get to that point. Limiting my food intake & exercising is clearly not accomplishing much of anything. All it's doing is frustrating me.

Another annoyance: I did a little advance research last night and called the bridal shops that Alfred Angelo's website claims stocks their dresses. (The four dresses I am most strongly considering buying are all Alfred Angelo.) Turns out there is not a store within 100 miles of where I live with all 4 styles in stock. I found one store that stocks my 4th choice style. . . but it's not in a color I want, and it's in a size 14 (which means it'd probably fit someone who normally wears a 10).

I don't know what the f*%^ I'm going to do about a wedding dress. I don't want to spend over $350 for my dress: we are not having a very formal wedding, and I'm only going to wear the thing once. Options seem to be quite limited in styles that I like that also come in my size.

I asked SL again yesterday if we could just ditch the wedding we have planned and get married at the courthouse, but he refused. I honestly don't want to be bothered with all this: the pressure of having everyone staring at my fat body in yards of white/ivory satin is really something I can do without. Plus, the expense: we are going into debt to pay for this wedding that I don't even really want! I know it's not girly of me to say this. . . but I've never wanted a traditional wedding, and I am even less inclined to have a big to-do now that I am 35 years old.

Anyway. . . I certainly hope my mood improves. Maybe I can force my lazy ass to do some cleaning when I get home today. Seeing my home clean & neat usually puts me in a better mood.

Wine & Whiskey

SL & I have spent most of the day napping. Our engagement party was last night, and we were up until after 1 am (which is VERY late for me!).

We had over 20 friends there. It was fun! Basically, it was a BBQ with the added occasion of celebrating our engagement. Everyone complimented the food, which was all made by SL: he grilled brats & burgers and made his homemade potato & macaroni salads.

I think the guests had fun, too. Lots of our friends already knew each other, but some did not. I hope the fact that everyone had a chance to get to know each other a little at this party will add to their enjoyment of our wedding in April.

Two of the friends at our party were pregnant, both due mid-January. One of the dads is SL's friend from law school; the other dad is a friend of ours from my office (who is also SL's best man). The moms didn't even really look pregnant to me yet, though SL said he thought they were "showing." One of the couples is telling people about the baby, while the other is keeping it under wraps for a little while longer.

We received 8(!) bottles of wine as gifts! Funniest part of that is they were all different brands & varieties. My friend M brought a 1.75-liter bottle of Bushmill's Irish Whiskey, and SL and 3-4 of our male guests polished it off. That's a LOT of frickin' whiskey for 4-5 people!

Oddly, on some level, I feel more "officially" engaged now that we had the party. (Having my engagement ring helps, too.) I know that we have a wedding date set and ceremony & reception sites reserved. . . but somehow having the party makes it seem more real to me. Strange.

Not much else going on. I should probably do some stuff around the house and some laundry, but I'm in a lazy mood. That stuff can wait until sometime during the week.

I didn't weigh myself the last two mornings; just forgot. My eating wasn't TOO bad at last night's party, and I only had 2 glasses of white wine to drink.

Last week's exercise: we went to the gym once to lift weights, and I walked about 2 miles 3 out of 5 mornings. I hope this coming week we will make it to the gym 3 nights, and I plan to walk 5 days this week. That's the plan!

Mixed result

My jury came back guilty on 4 of 9 counts, not guilty on 4, and hung on 1. Even though it's technically a "win" for me, I am pretty bummed: they acquitted & hung on the most serious 3 charges!

Side note: my "jailhouse snitch," who was the defendant's cellmate and to whom the defendant confessed all the offenses in my case, was missing with a felony warrant for his arrest. I'd asked a detective from our office to find him and he was unable to do so. The witness was arrested at noon today while my jury was still deliberating! If only he'd been picked up the day before, I'm almost certain the jury would have convicted on all counts.

Anyway. . . water under the bridge. Moving on. I learned A TON.

Looking forward to our engagement party on Saturday night! We'll have about 20 guests for a pool party/BBQ. SL is the grillmaster, after all. . . at least that's what he'll tell you.

I'll probably spend the whole day tomorrow at work trying to catch up on all the things I've been neglecting while preparing for and trying this most recent case. Oh joy! I also have to write my quarterly court report for my CASA duties, and I have a full-day (8-hr) training on Saturday.

Busy, busy, busy! :)

Waiting

217.8 (woo-hoo!)

My trial is nearly over: we finished closing arguments a little after 3:00 yesterday, and the jury is coming back to resume deliberations at 8:00 this morning. It's such a relief to have my part finished!

Don't get me wrong: I love being in trial. There are so many challenges to it: managing witnesses & witness scheduling; formulating your questions in such a way that the witness gives the information you need--and doesn't give out information that would not be admissible; relating to 12 strangers on your jury and attempting to persuade them that the defendant is guilty; and being on constant watch for defense strategies and shenanigans. I really love the mental challenge of it.

At the same time, it is stressful, for all the reasons I also love it. So much work goes into preparing a case for trial that there is a big build-up. . . then my stress level is up throughout the presentation of the case. . . and then the waiting starts.

Some prosecutors say that waiting for a verdict is the hardest part. On some levels, I'd agree: when the trial gets to this stage, the outcome is now out of your hands. Many lawyers are control freaks. . . probably not surpising, considering what we all have to go through to get to this point.

I will confess to being a big of a control freak myself (though mild compared to most of my colleagues). I will also say that, while waiting on a verdict is hard, it's also a relief. At least I have gotten to this point without royally f#$&ing something up! lol

Happy to see the scale down this morning, especially in light of the fact that I've indulged in some stress eating over the past 3 days. I've been keeping consistent with my workouts (walking in the mornings and lifting weights in the evenings 3 nights a week), so maybe that's what's made the difference.

Drive-by post

219.0 (I'll take it)

Just a really quick note. I've gotta hit the showers and head to work. My big trial starts this morning! I really hope I don't do anything to f$%^ it up and that our evidence is enough to convince 12 citizens that this scumbag, er, defendant is guilty.

I went to bed at 9:30 last night! How lame am I?! Stress does that to me.

I came up with a rockin' opening statement on my 2-mile walk this morning. (Funny how exercise clears your mind, isn't it?) So I am feeling more confident and I know I am prepared.

There could be some tricky twists and turns, but I think the trial will be fun. I just hope I don't do anything (major) wrong.

SL & I are going to join the gym tonight after work! Yea!

P.S. Weight is still up slightly, but after eating out last night at Chili's, I'll take it. Stayed within points, but usually just the sodium in restaurant food is enought to cause at least a temporary gain for me.

I got the ring!!

Such a naughty blogger! I should've written an entry sooner. I'll try to bring things up to date.

SL gave me my engagement ring on Friday!! It is exactly what I wanted (& what I posted on here a few weeks ago: http://lovesseabass.blogspot.com/2006/07/back-to-work-ugh_05.html ). It was kind-of a surprise because he had told me that it wouldn't arrive until next week. He had come to work to pick me up (he had car trouble, so he was driving mine) and snuck it onto my desk while I wasn't looking. He said later that he'd planned to wait until dinner that night, but couldn't wait any longer. Cute. A few of my friends at work were still at the office, so I got to show the ring off a little bit.

I tried to take some digital pics to post and show how it looks on my hand, but none of them turned out right, no matter how I set the flash. Ah well.

SL & I went to stay at the resort as planned yesterday for his birthday. To put it in a nutshell: the evening was not what we had hoped. He didn't like the hotel's restaurant where we had his birthday dinner; didn't care for any of the entrees on the menu, so his birthday dinner was soup & salad. (The restaurant was quite over-priced for the portion size & the mediocre food.) I felt nauseous during dinner and left the table once because I thought I might hurl. SL & I ended up having a fight later in the evening, so I went home and he stayed in the room by himself. Not exactly a great birthday memory.

Well, things are OK today. We talked and both apologized for our respective roles in the fiasco. And I told him that for his 32nd birthday next year, he is going to pick where he wants to go to avoid a repeat of this experience. :)

I hadn't done laundry (but for one necessary load) in almost 2 weeks, so I did 6 loads today. Whew. We both have clothes to wear now. (Except that one of my trial suits needs to go to the cleaners in the morning, or I will have nothing to wear for the 3rd day of my trial!)

Really, not too much else going on. Eating this weekend was just so-so: I didn't count points, but didn't really eat that badly. And I don't generally exercise on the weekends, and didn't this weekend.

SL's "birthday resolution" (his words, not mine) is to go back to the gym. He really enjoys working out: he played football & wrestled in high school--and was recruited for colleges in both sports, but didn't play--and used to power lift competitively in college. Ever since he started his current job last October(!), he gets out of work later and had quit going to the gym with our friend F as he used to.

I have seen a difference in SL since he has not been working out. Not only has he gained weight, his stress level is really high. We both have equally stressful jobs--we're both lawyers--but he doesn't have as many outlets for his stress: like many men, he doesn't talk about his feelings to anyone (he will to me, but only with prodding). Frankly, I worry about him; he is only 31, about 60-70 lbs overweight, uses smokeless tobacco, drinks more than he probably should, and has already been diagnosed with high blood pressure & put on medication for it.

I am 100% in support of his decision to get back to the gym. He needs it on so many levels. He has asked me to go with him for support and encouragement (as we all know, just getting your a$$ there is more than half the battle), and I'm on board. I've been doing the Buff Brides workouts in the evenings 3 nights a week anyway; I can just do my strength training at the gym instead of at home. If he ends up wanting to go more than 3 evenings a week, I will just do an extra workout on the elliptical trainer.

I'm back on track full steam tomorrow! Wish me luck. :)

Finally figured out how to use Ticker Factory

I shoulda smoked that fool

220.4 (sigh)

The scale was up this morning. Probably because I ate a somewhat heavy meal at 9:00 last night, and I am about to start my period. I'm not stressing about it.

Though I will probably continue to weigh daily--it's just become a part of my morning routine now--I am really focusing more on my size and how I look, i.e. how toned I am/am not. No one but me (& my doctor) knows my weight!

This morning marked my 4th consecutive morning exercising. I REALLY didn't want to do it this morning--was very lazy for some reason--but I made myself do it anyway. (Hell, I don't want to come to work some days, but I make myself do THAT.)

Because I have been developing shin splints, I thought it might be a good idea to take a day's break from walking. So I did 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer instead. I had a really good workout! My shins didn't bother me at all. The only negative was that I felt bad for Sebastian: he saw me get dressed and got all excited to go out, then didn't get to go. :(

Eating has been OK. SL made a dinner last night (one of his specialties) that was more points than I had to spend. But he was so excited to cook it for me that I didn't have the heart to turn him down. I have been totally avoiding sweets: no chocolate in over a week! I have a protein shake in the mornings (5 pts), a frozen entree for lunch (4-6 pts), and a reasonable dinner. I've had pistachios for a snack two afternoons and peanuts on another.

I am actually starting to see some muscle tone in my upper arms! I'm enjoying the Buff Brides workouts, but am thinking that I will probably need to do some heavier weights to really define my upper body. I am going to stick with this for now and see where it takes me. . . but I'm already thinking of getting a trainer & joining a nearby gym in early October. That'd give me 6 months until the wedding to tone up.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I've spent this week reviewing a big case that I'm taking to trial next week. The defendant is a very bad guy (also charged with 1st degree murder in another case). There are 10 separate felony counts in the case, and the events happened on two different dates, so there are a lot of witnesses and it's a bit cumbersome. In addition to trying to wrap my own mind around the facts, I am trying to puzzle out the best way to present them to 12 citizens of the community to prove his guilt. I am excited, though, because this will be the biggest & most serious case I've done to date.

As I believe I mentioned, SL & I are spending Saturday night at a local resort. We are also going to have a nice dinner at the hotel. It will be nice to "get away," even briefly. :)

P.S. Today's post's title is courtesy of next week's defendant: a direct quote of what he told his jailmate about what he should've done to the victim at whom he pointed a loaded .38 revolver.

Interesting website names

219.4 (yesterday: didn't weigh today)

Can I start out by saying that SL visits websites with some of the most interesting names? I realize he finds most of them by following links from some of his regular sites, but damn! The things that pop up on auto-complete when I type in a URL. . . .

My weekend has been good so far. I haven't exercised at all, but I may still do the elliptical trainer this afternoon. (Note: exercising on the weekends really isn't part of my plan for myself anyway, but if I can get it in, it's a bonus.) Eating has been OK: went to a tea party yesterday afternoon, then to a Mexican restaurant for dinner.

Yesterday I:

*attended initial appearances for work to make bond recommendations (I get paid $100 for doing them)

*took my CASA child M to a local "fun park" (I thought it was lame, but she enjoyed it)

*went to aforementioned tea party

*went to dinner

*read (I'm reading The Broker by John Grisham)

*tweaked our wedding website (added more photos and other stuff)

So far today, I have done basically nothing productive. As that was my plan, I'm happy about it. SL is making lunch; after we eat, I may clean up the nest a little. Otherwise, I just want to have a free, relaxing day.

My maid of honor K is such a wonderful friend! She is visiting her parents in El Paso and discovered that a new Alfred Angelo store just opened there. She called me to get the style numbers of the bridal and bridesmaid dresses I am considering from AA, then went with her mom for a try-on session so that she could photograph the dresses and report back to me about the colors and fabrics. All of her own accord! She rocks!!

I am feeling better about the wedding guest list. It looks like we are going to be able to get out of our contract at the MGM Grand (long story) and have the wedding at the Monte Carlo instead. Cost will be roughly the same, but the Monte Carlo's chapel can hold 100 guests, while the MGM's maximum was 65. Given that we have cut the guest list to bare bones (actually leaving off a lot of people we wanted to invite--especially mine!), I didn't see any way we could make it less than the 85 adults it is currently. You can never count on guests NOT attending, so we really needed a bigger space to accomodate our current guest list.

In my opinion, the two chapels are comparable in appearance and quality. The only reason I really went with the MGM in the first place is that it is a larger hotel with more things to do.

Not much else to tell. Here's to relaxation!

By the way. . . did ya notice the scale finally budged? Didja?? Because I did! Yee-ha!

About to give up

221.4 (sigh)

As I have mentioned in previous entries, I have been exercising regularly for the past two weeks. I have also been eating much better: less food, more fruits/veggies, and practically no "junk" (I have to say "practically" because I ate a piece of cake yesterday).

Yet, despite my significant efforts, I have lost no weight. None.

In a way, I guess I should just be glad that I haven't gained more. . . while on Zoloft, I went from around 197 to the 220s. But for f%^&'s sake! If I am putting forth this much effort, I expect to see some results!

My sis suggested that perhaps my difficulty is due to now being 35. Everyone knows that your metabolism slows in your late 30s/40s. However, I had never heard of such a RAPID change in metabolism. Back in 2003, I lost 35 lbs in 4 months by doing no more than following the WW points program and walking 45 minutes 3 times a week. I am exercising much more than that now. . . with no results. It seems crazy that there would be THAT big change in my metabolism between age 32 and age 35.

I intend to talk with my doctor about this at my annual app't on 8/21. But I am really at the point where I am about ready to just say forget it and accept that I will be buying plus sizes for the rest of my life. Why deprive myself of foods I enjoy & bust my ass if I'm just gonna be a fat biotch anyway?

Besides, if I gain about another 30 lbs, I'll be a candidate for gastric bypass. :)

On a roll. . .

220.4

I have been very proud of my exercising this week! I mentioned Monday night's Buff Brides workout in my last post. Here is a rundown of the other exercise I have done:

Tues AM: walked 2 miles (in 35 min) with dog
Tues lunch: took stairs up & down 9 flights (not formal exercise, but still)
Tues PM: did 30 min on the elliptical
Wed AM: skipped walk because of very sore leg muscles
Wed PM: did 2nd Buff Brides workout (but skipped lunges)
Thu AM: walked 2 miles (35 min) with dog
Thu PM: just walked 3 miles (1 hr) with dog

Not too shabby. I have been eating pretty well, too, though I did have a large piece of birthday cake this afternoon for my friend T's b-day. At least I have been eating lots of whole grains & fruits/veggies. I've also been drinking an Enzyme Diet Superfood protein shake each morning (recommended by my doctor).

I keep reminding myself to chill about the whole wedding dress thing. I have continued to look sporadically on the internet at dresses, despite my Monday vow to put the whole thing off for 6-8 weeks. I think, REALLY, I have looked enough now to have a good idea of what my options are, and I just need to put it out of my mind until I am ready to actually go into stores and try on more dresses. I tend to get obsessive about things, and it looks like shopping for my dress is going to be one of those things.

Not much else going on. SL is very busy at work this week: his boss is on vacation, and since he is with a two-man firm, he has to pick up boss's slack. He has also had closings to do in the evenings. . . nice for the extra $$, but it gets him home late (it's almost 8 pm here, and he's still not home yet).

Oh, and by the way. . . my sis found out that her baby is a BOY!

Nights in white satin. . .

221.2 (sigh)

I went to David's Bridal last night for a dress try-on app't. I've only seen a couple of styles there that are close to what I'm looking for, but it's not that easy to find bridal stores that have my size in stock. (18W fit "perfectly." Side note: my size-6 friend did not know what the "w" in 18W meant; I had to explain it to her. LOL

I will first say one positive thing about the try-on session: it inspired me to go home and do my Buff Brides workout and not to snack the rest of the evening! ;)

Let me just summarize the whole experience by saying there is nothing flattering about an ivory satin dress on a 220-lb woman. The dresses made me look even larger than I look in the clothes I usually wear. . . and that's saying something, because I by no means look thin.

Aside from the fact that I did not think the dresses were flattering, I also didn't really love any of the styles I tried on. I tried on 4 total: 2 had trains, which I do NOT want. Of the 2 with no trains, one had a big-ass fake flower on one hip which I did not like. The fourth was OK, but nothing I'd want to pay >$450 for.

Anyway. . . I did my weight-lifting last night and went for my 2-mile walk this morning. I ate a healthy breakfast and brought a healthy lunch. So if the try-on session served no other useful purpose. . . perhaps it provided an eye-opener to what I am going to like on my wedding day if I don't get my ass in gear.

No other news here. Lots of work to do today! Oh, and my sis should find out the gender of the baby today--yea!

Buff Bride-to-be

SL is snoring on the couch, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to update my blog.

I just got in from running a few errands. I went to Trader Joe's and picked up lots of healthy eats for the week. I also visited Play It Again Sports and bought an exercise ball and some 8# dumbbells. I stopped in to a Joann's and looked at the satins, too.

Buff Brides came in the mail today! (Side note: I had planned to buy the book, but someone on the Weight Watchers message boards was kind enough to mail me her--mostly unused--copy for free.) I plan to start the 24-week program on Monday; that's why I bought the exercise ball & dumbbells. It seems like a good basic, sensible weight-lifting program. Our wedding is exactly 36 weeks from today, so I would actually have time to do both programs outlined in the book: there is a 24-week program & a 12-week program.

I have been looking in bridal magazines and online at a lot of wedding dresses lately. I do NOT want to get married at my current size! And I am really leaning toward wearing a strapless dress. . . which means any toning of the upper body I can accomplish between now & the wedding will certainly be noticed. :) I have an appointment at David's Bridal on Monday evening to try on dresses and get an idea for what different styles look like on me.

My enthusiasm for WW has waned somewhat, but I am determined to keep at the weight loss thing. (I have forgotten to weigh myself the past several mornings, but suspect I am staying about the same, based on the way my clothes fit.) Exercise usually has a big impact on my weight loss, and I am hoping that starting this Buff Brides program will inspire me.

I did manage to get my lazy a$$ up to walk on Wed, Thu, & Fri this last week. The Buff Brides program has you lifting weights 3 days a week and working out aerobically for at least 25 minutes the other 4 days a week. I am going to modify this slightly: I am going to follow the weight-lifting schedule to the letter (in the evenings), but I am going to walk in the mornings, Mon to Fri, 5 days a week. The route Sebastian & I walk takes 35-40 minutes, depending on my pace. I don't think it will do any harm for me to add additional aerobic exercise: unlike many brides-to-be who buy the book, I am looking not only to tone up but to also lose weight.

If I end up taking my friend KK up on her offer to sew my dress, I actually have about 30 weeks to lose as much weight/inches as I can. I really think that if I make a constant and whole-hearted effort, I can go down 2-3 dress sizes between now and then.

In other wedding news. . . SL & I sent out the evite for our engagement party. It is going to be a small, BBQ/pool party at our complex's clubhouse. I hope people come! So far only 3 friends have RSVP'd yes, 2 maybes, and 4 no's. The majority of people invited have not yet RSVP'd. It is a ways off yet: August 19th.

SL & I are going to spend a night at a nearby resort for his 31st birthday! We made a reservation this week. We are fortunate to live in a city with many beautiful resorts; this particular one is less than 15 minutes from home. It'll be relaxing, and we got an AWESOME summertime rate.

Almost August already. . .

I have been remiss, once again, in keeping my blog updated. Tsk, tsk.

I had a fun weekend with D's son J. It was good to see my friend D, too: hadn't seen her since last October. She & her husband have parted ways & filed for divorce since then, so quite a lot is going on in her life. J was reluctant to leave on Sunday, so I guess he had a pretty good time with me. :)

My friend KK offered to make my wedding dress today! Pretty amazing. When I was describing the simple style that I want, she said she'd sew it. I know sewing is her hobby--she made me a beautiful quilt for my law school graduation & quilts regularly--but I would never have thought to ask her to make the dress. . . that just sounds difficult & time-consuming to me. I'm psyched! KK is going to make a sample dress first (in a less expensive material) so I can see how the style suits me and she can practice the pattern. She says she can do the final alterations needed after she & her husband arrive in Vegas for the wedding.

Our save-the-date cards arrived on Thursday; they turned out pretty cute. The only bummer was that I made a wee typographical error. OOPS! I'm hoping that not too many people notice (& that those who do don't say anything!).

SL & I also sent in the 50% deposit for our chapel reservation today. So it looks we really ARE getting married on April 7, 2007, at the MGM Grand! :)

I also sent out the evite today for our engagement party on August 19th. Fun!

Nothing else wedding-related going on. I have pretty much decided which bridesmaid dresses I want and am still looking around for cake toppers & favor ideas. But nothing urgent.

I am going to Weight Watchers tonight. (I missed last week because I was so busy getting ready for J's visit.) I'm pretty sure I will have a gain or a maintain: I didn't eat that well over the weekend, and I had nachos for lunch today. Going to get back on track, though.

Now that I know what the plan is for The Dress, I should be more motivated to start working out harder and more often and eating better. I want to lose as much weight as possible before committing myself to a size. I have asked SL to help. . . but we'll see. He always says he will, but then doesn't follow through.

BTW. . . SL bought me dozen long-stemmed roses in various colors last night. How sweet! (He just arrived home from Alaska yesterday morning.) The roses are on my desk right now, and they smell great!

It is good to have SL home. I missed him.

Starting over from square one

I am at my friend K's this morning because D and her son are flying in from Houston this morning. I may be weird, but I am looking forward to spending the weekend with D's 10-year-old son: he is a good kid, I've known him since he was a baby, and I have a lot of fun things planned. I hope all goes well.

I had my job interview yesterday afternoon at Other County. Let me just say that I didn't think it went very well. The panel's first question was "why do you want to become a criminal prosecutor." Hello?! I already AM a criminal prosecutor! Seems that they didn't even bother to look at my resume or the 20-page(!) supplemental application I had to fill out! They also seemed to take exception with the fact that I do not want to work in the juvenile division and only want to prosecute adults. They also indicated that it was their intention to assign me to the misdemeanors/preliminary hearings unit. No thanks. I told them plainly but politely that if their job offer was going to be do that, I would decline. Ihave been on a felony trial team for seven months; I have done more trials than one of Other County's attorneys would do in five years; I'm not going back to square one.

I didn't like prosecuting misdemeanors: I was MISERABLE 90% of the year I spent doing that at my current job. I literally went home crying 1-2 days a week in that position, it was so horrible. The only reasons I stuck it out were that it was my first job out of law school, I was gaining valuable trial experience, and there was hope that I could someday move on and try felonies (and I did).

On the other hand, I've really liked being a felony prosecutor. I fail to see what useful purpose would be served by making me start all over from square one. I would not be averse to a month or two of misd/prelims to learn how this particular office works. . . . but more than that would be a waste of time, in my opinion. For f#%^s sake, I practice law in the same state in a neighboring county: how different can this job from my current one?! All the laws and rules of procedure are the same. Only the names and faces of the judges, defense attorneys, and defendants will be different. . . and maybe some office policies.

Anyway. . . I am not optimistic about my chances of getting an offer. My law school friend M, who has worked there for nearly two years, said she had an equally "bad" interview there, as did her husband (who also works there). She thinks that they just act antagonistic to everyone to see how you will react. Whatever. Unless they were not serious about sticking me down on the first rung of the ladder, I won't take the job even if it's offered. And I don't think it will be.

The way this interview went makes me wonder how this office manages to recruit any experienced prosecutors from other jurisdictions. I'd venture to say that few attorneys with trial experience would want to go back to doing what they most likely started out doing.

M's take on my interview was totally different from mine. She thinks they will make me an offer and let me basically skip the lower level in the office (or at least be there for only a few weeks). She doesn't understand why they made such a big deal about my not wanting to work in juvenile because she says there are people lined up to work in that division in the office at the moment, and it does not have a high turnover rate. Also, as to misd/prelims, she said that the office has hired 29 "conditional hires": people waiting on July bar results. The bar exam isn't even until next week, and those people will not be admitted to the bar, even if they pass, until late October. Every single one of them will have to start from square one since they have never been attorneys. So M says they don't really need people for that area of the office either. These facts are the reason that M believes the panel was just testing me by bringing these assignments up. You know, was I going to say "I'll go wherever I'm needed" or stick to what I'd written on my paperwork.

Anyway, I'm over it. I can stay in my current position, where I am not unhappy and have some very interesting trials coming up, and avoid the inconvenience of moving one hundred miles away. SL will not have to hurry up and look for another job. Sure, I'm doing my current job for about $5000/year less than I could be in Other County. But oh well. It is certainly not worth the money to me to go back to doing what I've already done for another year or two! I wouldn't go back to square one for $10,000 more a year!

On to happier topics. . . I had dinner last night with M & our friend V. It was very fun to see them and to catch up! And we had a great meal: I went a little overboard with the eating. (Part of the reason was that I had felt icky all day due to nerves over the interview, so I'd not eaten much.) I even had a raspberry margarita--yum!

I also got to spend some time with K. (I am at her house right now.) We didn't get to hang out as much as I would have liked because she worked 12 hours yesterday and 12 hours today. . . but we did get to chat for a couple of hours. And she looked at my bridesmaid dress swatches. :)

I am looking forward to getting home later today. I miss Sebastian (who is staying with Dickens at K&J's). Also, we had our carpets cleaned yesterday and I want to see how they turned out. :)

SL is coming home on Monday. Yea! I have actually missed him more than I thought I would. It'll be nice to have him back. . . though he's joked that he wants to stay in Alaska until September: the daytime highs in Anchorage haven't even been above 65 since he's been there, and he is really enjoying being out of the heat. I know he misses me, though, and he's not REALLY going to stay in Alaska two more months.

I can't tell you why

216.4(nice)

Not sure why I'm seeing a lower number on the scale this morning. My eating hasn't been bad--I've been staying within my points--it just hasn't been particularly healthy: the only veggies that passed my lips yesterday were the trimmings on my turkey sandwich from Subway. Ah well. I'll take it.

I still have a lot of cleaning to do before I leave town tomorrow. I've pretty much accepted that the common areas are not going to be spotless. However, I am going to tidy up some tonight and clean the guest bathroom. Last night was spent cleaning the kitchen & doing eight loads of laundry.

I know my house will not be as neat as my friend's son is accustomed to at home. . . but he'll live. :)

Getting a little nervous about my interview tomorrow. I hope it goes well.

Quick post

217.8 (weird)

I have a TON of work I need to get through today, so this will be short.

I ate out at Oregano's last night with R, a friend from days in El Paso. I hadn't seen R in almost 4 years, even though she only lives about 100 miles away. It was good to see her & to catch up.

I went way overboard with my eating, though: I had a HUGE salad (the "Pablo Picasso"--delicioso!). Then R gave me her leftover baked ziti to take home for today's lunch. . . and I ended up eating it, too, at around 10 last night. Bad, bad, bad.

Yet despite this food frenzy, my weight is about the same as it has been for the past few days. Hmmm. I am finishing up my period, so maybe I was about to let go of some weight anyway and that evened things out. Who knows??

Unfortunately, I am going to have to skip my Weight Watchers meeting tonight. After meeting R for dinner last night, I now only have 2 nights to get my apartment ready for J's arrival on Friday. I still need to: clean SL's bathroom (including removing the porn & condoms); do laundry; tidy & vacuum living room; pick up all the general clutter in the place; make at least on trip to the storage room to drop off stuff. I estimate all this will take 3-4 hours of work. I sure hope I have a surge of motivation this evening. . .

I'm out!

Naughty blogger

(haven't weighed myself the past two days--I weighed 217.6 on Thursday & Friday)

I kinda fell off the blogging wagon. SL left Friday morning for a 10-day trip to Anchorage to visit his parents. Without him here, I've been a little bit out of my usual routine.

I believe I have mentioned before that I have been needing to clean out and de-clutter our guest room about, oh, since we moved in last October. (It had one week of cleanliness back in December, when SL's sister visited and slept there. But all I did then was move the boxes of clutter into our bedroom instead for the duration of her visit.)

Well, I am proud to say that some real progress was made in this room today! I still need to pick up some more of SL's stuff that has somehow made its way under the bed (darn cat), and I need to wash the (cat-hair-covered) sheets and put them back on the bed. Otherwise the room is company ready! It's not decorated, and it's nothing fancy. . . but it'll do for a 10-year-old. :)

There are also two boxes of my stuff in the living room waiting for me to sort through and toss or store. I've got to get all this done before my friend's son arrives on Friday. Actually, I have to get it all done before I leave town on Thursday, because I will not be returning home again after that until he arrives & comes home with me.

I also need to clean SL's bathroom (which is the guest bathroom) before Thursday. Not only is there some weird musty smell in there. . . he also kindly left two copies of Hustler and some condoms out in the open. Nice. I'm sure my friend D would appreciate her son learning about the female anatomy from Hustler. . . NOT!

Aside from my de-cluttering session, I had a pretty good weekend. (Not that the de-cluttering was bad, but it was work!) I covered bond recommendations at the morning initial appearances at the jail yesterday for a friend from work. Then I read and relaxed mostly, after running various errands.

This morning I picked M up for our bi-weekly outing. She did not want to go to the children's museum as suggested, and she is just getting over a sunburn, so she could not go swimming. What she really wanted to do was come to my house and visit Homer, SL's cat. (She loves cats and she is Homer's biggest fan: she even keeps a framed photo of him in her bedroom.) So that's what we did. She also played some games on the Disney website (her foster family does not have a computer in their home, so this is a novelty to her).

This afternoon I met my friend A for a movie. We saw You, Me, & Dupree, which I enjoyed. I laughed aloud several times. I like Owen Wilson, and I think Kate Hudson is so cute! I was also dog-sitting for my old roommate/friend K this weekend, so I was over at her house several times Friday, Saturday, & Sunday.

It's been an OK weekend eating-wise. I should have eaten more fruits and vegetables, but that is a recurring theme for me. I am on a kick that I need to clean out the cupboards and freezer, so I've been cooking most of the weekend and am planning to cook more this week while SL is gone. Tomorrow morning I am going to throw some frozen chicken & frozen veggies in the crockpot with some seasoning. That plus some brown rice will be tomorrow night's dinner (and probably Tuesday's lunch also).

Thursday is my job interview at the Other County Attorney's Office. I'm a little nervous. . . but in that healthy, on-your-game way. I have my outfit planned (black suit with pearls, no surprises there), and I even bought new pantyhose this weekend. It seems weird to admit this, but I wish SL were not away; I'd feel more confident about my interview if he were here to encourage me. I don't know why that is, as I have interviewed for many, many jobs in my time (and actually gotten offers from some of them), and I have never felt the need for any other person's feedback ahead of time. Hmmmm.

SL is enjoying his trip to Anchorage. He finally told his parents we are getting married--he'd wanted to wait and tell them face-to-face. Aside from his sister (and extended family), his parents are literally the last ones to know: all my family & friends know, and I believe all (or at least most) of SL's friends already know. He said they seemed happy, but they are not exactly jump-for-joy kind of people.

It's a bit of a weird family dynamic there. I try not to get in the middle of it. His parents have always been kind and polite to me; I have no personal beef with them. They are quiet and keep themselves to themselves, but SL is pretty much that way, too, at least until he gets to know someone well.

I am way ahead of the game with my wedding planning! I have reserved the restaurant for our reception, blocked hotel rooms for our guests at the hotel where we are getting married, reserved the chapel (though we still need to sign the contract & give them a 50% deposit once SL returns from Alaska), and ordered save-the-date cards. I have also made out the guest list (waiting on a few names and addresses from SL, but it's 90% done), reserved my hair/makeup artist, narrowed my bridesmaid dress choices down to four styles, and picked a date for our engagement party, plus drafted the engagement party guest list and designed an e-vite to send out. Whew!

I feel a lot more at peace about the whole wedding planning thing. I am still looking around at some things (like invitations and favor ideas), but I have months before I really have to decide anything else of substance. And I don't even have my engagement ring yet! I'm a "cart before the horse" kind of girl, though, so that's OK. Everything substantial I've done in my life has been ass-backwards.

It's been God-awful hot here. I believe the news said that the daytime high today was 103. Ick. It felt hotter, and my car's temperature gauge said it was 108 at one point. The temperature dropped 15 degrees while I was in the movie, and on the drive home I saw lightning, a darkening sky, and lots of wind. I hope this means we will get some rain; we could use it.

I've been a bad, bad girl

217.4

I am really surprised that my weight isn't up more after the way I ate yesterday.

We had a going-away breakfast at work for my legal assistant. It was pot-luck, so everyone brought something. There was fruit (2 kinds of melon mixed with grapes and raisins), lowfat yogurt, and granola; otherwise it was all baked goods. Muffins, zucchini bread, cinnamon rolls, bagels, and Krispy Kreme donuts.

I knew this breakfast was happening, so I started out with a plan: I ate a Luna bar on the way to work. I was supposed to be in court all morning, but it turned out the judge whose courtroom I was covering was not on the bench. So instead of being away from all the food, it was right next door to me. I then compounded my error by forgetting lunch.

I had: 2 bagels (1 w/cream cheese), a strawberry-filled powdered KK donut, two bowls of fruit, about 1/2 cup of yogurt with an equal amount of granola. Actually, as I type this out, that doesn't really sound all that bad compared to how I could have done. Hmmm. I also drank a TON of water: over 3 liters.

I ended up feeling tired all day, especially in the afternoon. I seriously could barely stay awake & concentrate, even after a diet Coke (that perked me about for about 30 minutes, but that's it). It's hard to work at a job that requires sitting at your desk reading for 90% of the day when you eat crap all day.

I actually got back on track last night; I had an oriental salad and a turkey wrap on a whole wheat tortilla for dinner. Yum! Today will be an on-plan day as well.

I hate to write another post. . .

216.8 (cool)

I noticed when I logged in today that I have 69 posts before writing this one. Makes me want to just stop there. (insert Beavis & Butthead laughter here)

I went to my W.W. meeting last night and weighed 220.0 there, for a total of 4.8 lbs lost. Not too bad, considering my misdeeds since my last weight on 6/27, but I'd hoped for a larger loss based on what I saw on my scale at home. As you can see above, I weighed 3.2 lbs less than that this morning. But whatever, I'll take it. Everyone knows you weigh more in the evening than in the morning; plus, I weigh nearly naked at home & can assure you I do NOT do that at the meetings! lol

As I was about to leave work last night, I got a call back from Lori White, the Vegas makeup artist I want for the wedding. Lori did the hair & makeup for my sister & her bridal party back in April 2003 and did an awesome job; I still think I look fabulous when I look at pictures of myself from that day. (My dad didn't even recognize me when I came down to brunch with hair & makeup done by Lori!)

Lori is available for the day of our wedding! Yea! She is a little pricy ($200 for my hair & makeup, $150 for each bridesmaid's hair & makeup), but I think it will be well worth it. I rarely wear makeup. . . usually only when I have a jury trial. . . and I only do something special to my hair once or twice a year. . . otherwise it just gets a little gel & a 2-minute shot with the blow dryer or gets put up or pulled back in a ponytail. Both my sister and my friend K (who is my maid of honor) strongly encouraged me to get hair & makeup professionally done for the wedding.

I've been looking more at bridesmaid dresses, too. I have come up with several styles I like in the colors I like (all various darker shades of blue). At this point, I think I've decided to stop looking and just wait a few months to make a final decision. It's a little difficult to order right now because my sister is pregnant. . . who knows what size she will be in April?

Obsession

217.6 (nice)

Tonight will be my second official Weight Watchers weigh-in (it should be my 3rd, but last Tuesday was July 4th). I hope I post a loss. . . I was 220.4 at my last weigh-in. Judging by this morning's weight on my bathroom scale, I should. I have recovered nicely from my couple of over-points days over the holiday weekend.

I talked yesterday to my oldest friend, C. C is the only friend from high school with whom I still keep in touch. Last time we talked a few weeks ago she told me that her husband of 16 years has asked for a divorce. Very sad news; she's my longest-married friend, and I really like her husband.

C seems to be handling the impending divorce pretty well. She told me she has been exercising at least 2 hours a day for the past 2 weeks. She has about 50 lbs she wants to lose and apparently doesn't want to waste much time doing it!

After hearing THAT, I would've been ashamed of myself if I couldn't manage to get in at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise! Right after getting off the phone with her, I went and did 30 minutes (combined) on the elliptical trainer & the treadmill. I worked up a good sweat and felt better for it afterwards.

Despite hearing C's workout schedule, I still didn't manage to get up early this morning and walk the dog. And I won't be able to work out this evening because of my WW meeting. But I hope her motivation will continue to motivate me! My goal is only to work out 3-4 days a week for 30 minutes each day, though, not 2 hours a day, 7 days a week. I know I couldn't sustain that pace for long!

On the way to work this morning, I had a nice chat with W, a friend from law school who is now in the JAG and lives in Virginia. He is getting married in October and was very excited to hear about our wedding plans. He assured me that SL means it when he says he doesn't want to be involved in the planning! Apparently W's fiancee has insisted on consulting him on every wedding-related decision, large & small, throughout their engagement. W has definitely not enjoyed this and encouraged me to leave SL out when I can. He's like "trust me, the man will not mind." hee hee

By the way, I have to share that I told SL about this exchange and he wholeheartedly agreed with W's advice. lol

I am feeling less obsessive about the wedding. I'm still excited, and I'm having a hard time keeping it to myself at work, but I have a good schedule laid out for when I need to accomplish various tasks. I am actually way ahead of the game on most of the planning aspects, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

I'm still thinking about bridesmaids' dresses, hairstyles for me and for the bridesmaids, and a few other things. But for the most part, I'm just getting back to my normal life. :)

10 things you will never hear me say

218.0 (ok)

Once again I am shamelessly ripping off an idea from someone else's blog. Here's the list:

1) Do you have that in a size 2?
2) Wow, that chocolate is way too rich for me.
3) Can we please go see Larry the Cable Guy?
4) Oh goody! A long wait in line at Sam's Club: my favorite!
5) I voted for George W. Bush.
6) I hate to see parents disciplining their children.
7) I think I'll name my daughter Muh-kay-luh.
8) No, I couldn't possibly accept more money to do this job.
9) I wish I still worked in the hospital.
10) Extra mayo, please.

I love this tiara

Not sure if I want to wear my hair up, though. . . I really think I'd prefer it down & curly.

Absentmindedness

219.8 (better)

I nearly forgot a court appearance this morning! I made it there just in the nick of time. I hate starting my day by rushing around. No one to blame but myself, though.

I think SL & I have decided on April 7, 2007, for our wedding date. It is the Saturday before Easter, but I don't think that will be a problem. Plus it makes the room rates & airfare to Vegas cheaper. SL's family is not religious, and he says they won't care. My sis considered Easter weekend for her wedding back in 2003; she ultimately went with the weekend before, but said that our parents had no objection to an Easter weekend wedding.

I need to get back in touch with the coordinator for the chapel and the coordinator for the restaurant where we are having our post-wedding dinner (instead of an actual reception) and let them know the new date. Then the planning can begin in earnest.

Ended up with a good WW day yesterday. Here's what I ate:
Luna bar (3 pts)
nonfat cafe con chocolate (4 pts)
TJ's black bean & corn enchiladas (5 pts)
94% fat-free popcorn bag (2 pts)
Babybel light cheese (2 pts)
1 serving high fiber bean/corn chips w/salsa (2 pts)
chicken & veggie stir-fry (4 pts)
1/2 c brown rice w/Tbsp soy sauce (2 pts)

Actually only 24 pts total! Not too shabby. Funny how even one day of eating light & drinking a lot of water can affect your weight; the scale showed me down 2.2 lbs this morning from Wednesday morning's weight.

Back to work: ugh!

222.0 (bad girl)

Is it just me, or is it harder to come back to work after a 4-day weekend than after the regular 2-day variety? I am not into being at work today.

I've been slightly "off the wagon" with WW over the weekend. While at home, I ate healthy foods and healthy portions of them. . . but we went out to dinner with friends on Friday night and I ate WAY too much garlic cheese bread. Then we went to a friend's for Independence Day last night and I sinned again: I had two servings of potato salad, two brats, and two pieces of cake, among other things.

Back on track today. I had a Luna bar for breakfast, a nonfat chocolate milk & coffee mid-morning (needed the caffeine to wake me up; it worked), a healthy Trader Joe's black bean & corn enchiladas for lunch, and 2 pts worth of popcorn this afternoon. I'm also drinking lots of water; I'm nearly finished with my 5th 500 ml bottle of the day.

I had good intentions of getting up and walking the dog this morning, but it didn't happen. As it turned out, I hit snooze so many times that I was almost late for work. . . let alone did I have enough time to exercise. Maybe after work tonight; we'll see.

Exciting news: SL & I have been seriously discussing getting married. . . as in, we have looked at dates, locations, etc., and are committed to doing this. We picked one date in March, but are likely going to reschedule (long story, multiple conflicts for people close to us). We have contacted a friend of mine who does professional photography to talk about setting up a date & time for our engagement photos. (We want to wait until he buys "the ring," so it probably won't be until after Labor Day.) I've previewed "save the date" cards and gotten SL's input re which style he likes.

By the way. . . here is the ring I want:

http://www.bluenile.com/product_details.asp?oid=5603&catid=112&filter_id=0&nav1=band_channel.asp&page=1&col=1&row=1&pos=1&set_shape=

Not cheap, but not nearly as expensive as a diamond engagement ring of the same size would cost. I love sapphires, and I've thought about getting a sapphire engagement ring ever since Lady Di did back in 1981. I'm not a big diamonds girl; never have been.

SL is well aware of my ring preference. I saved it to my bluenile.com wish list months ago, and he has the link to that in his browser's favorites. No chance he'll get it wrong. :)

That's all the news here!