Thoughts on challenge format

I'm so excited that I've had FIVE people respond that they are interested in doing a weight loss and/or fitness challenge! I think this will definitey be a case of "the more the merrier."

While doing a little research on the best way to approach the challenge, I ran across this website: http://fatbet.net/home.aspx?ReturnUrl=%2fbets.aspx. Is anyone familiar with it? Know anyone who's used it, good or bad?

And to my ladies who are "in" for the challenge. . . . what do you think about using this tool for the weight loss challenge portion? One cool feature I noticed about the site is that keeps your actual weight confidential and only reveals the amount you want to use. You all know that I am very open about my "number," but I realize that not everyone is.

Being relatively impoverished by vet bills currently, I wouldn't be thinking of investing much money in this: certainly no more than $10 apiece, if that!

My current thoughts about the challenge are to have a weight loss portion, a la Biggest Loser, comparing percentage lost each week with a designated weigh-in day for everyone in the group; a fitness portion, where I (or some other group member on a rotating basis) come up with a challenge which must be performed that week (like doing 2 miles on the treadmill and reporting back with a time); and perhaps a nutrition challenge as well (like trying a new/seldom-eaten vegetable or something).

I am totally open to suggestions. What do you all think? (Feel free to weigh in on the format of the challenge--pun intended--whether you want to participate in the challenge or not.)

Challenge anyone?

215.6

Although today's scale reading was still lower than I've seen lately (despite my making no effort to eat better, save eating out less for financial reasons), it is still MUCH higher than I'd like to see it. I'd like to kick-start a weight loss and/or fitness challenge. I seem to do better when I'm competing on some levels with others (sick and twisted, I know).

Anyone else interested? If so, comment below. . . . and include your email address if it doesn't appear in your Blogger profile so I can reach you.

Thanks!!

P.S. Today is the fifth anniversary of my completion of the bar exam. God willing, I will never leave Arizona while I am still a lawyer and have to endure that ordeal again.

I'm alive

I have been very negligent about blogging of late, but I am gradually getting back to normal after a super-stressful week last week. I'd posted last Wednesday that both doggies were home and doing fine. Unfortunately, Sebastian didn't stay that way.

Sebastian began having diarrhea over the course of the evening and then vomited early Thursday morning. To make a long story short, he had to go back to the vet's on Thursday for more testing (he had labwork and a modified barium swallow), and the vet feared he might have gastrointestinal bleeding or a perforated ulcer.

I was in tears on Thursday morning, and not just because of the huge vet bill. I was genuinely afraid that Sebastian might die. He was very much not himself: he lay down on the floor of the exam room with his head on his paws while the vet was in the room simply because he was too weak and tired not to. (Usually he is pacing around or nudging the vet for petting.)

I don't mean to overdramatize, but Sebastian is my boy. If Hunter were to die, I would be sad, but I have not yet bonded with Hunter in the same way that I have with Sebastian. If Sebastian died--especially if his death were due in part to my own carelessness--I would be devastated. (Maybe one of the perils of being 38 and childless is that I've transferred all my maternal energies to my golden retriever.) So I was a wreck most of Thursday.

All's well that ends well, though. All Sebastian's tests came back normal, and though he had more diarrhea when I picked up him Thursday afternoon and continued to be not-quite-himself through Friday, he is now 100% back to normal. He's no worse for wear except that he is still on a bland diet for another week or so, taking an antibiotic to help restore his normal intestinal flora, and has a bald spot on his leg from where his IV was. Here he is tonight post-walk, with a close-up shot of his bald spot:



Hunter is fit as a fiddle and has been since coming home Wednesday. I could almost believe that Hunter ate no Rimadyl tablets while Sebastian ate all 25 himself. To give equal time, here are a couple of shots of Hunter from when CP was visiting:


Hunter also went to his first basic obedience class with MM last Saturday while I was in Tucson visiting my CASA child M. He is the only non-puppy in the class but did very well!

Eating has been so-so. MM and I have agreed to only eat out two nights a week until the vet bills are paid off, and I haven't been eating out for lunches either, so I'm probably eating a little healthier just by virtue of eating at home. Fruits & veggies still haven't been as abundant as they should be. . . . my usual failing eating-wise.

I went to the gym tonight and felt good about it. I plan to go at least four times this week. My arm still hurts some while walking or using the elliptical trainer, but I'm dealing with it.

Oh, and about my arm: it is slightly improved but still far from 100% normal. I have an MRI scheduled for August 4th.

I had a good, focused, productive day at work today and am hoping for another one tomorrow. And that's about all that's new here.

More dog drama

For those reading this blog who do not follow me on Facebook, a little update is in order. I arrived home from work Monday to find Hunter's vial of Rima.dyl--which had contained 25 tablets that morning--torn open and empty on Sebastian's dog bed. (Sebastian also greeted me with a vial of Ultram, Hunter's other pain med, in his mouth.)

After calling pet poison control and learning that a Rima.dyl overdose of this size can cause liver and kidney failure, I rushed the boys to the emergency vet clinic. Treatment for Rima.dyl overdose required making the dogs vomit first (Sebastian actually puked up 6 intact Rima.dyl tablets), activated charcoal, various meds to prevent gastrointestinal bleeding, and 48 hours of IV fluids and lab monitoring.

Thank goodness, both boys are home now and doing fine. Their labs this morning were 100 percent normal, and they don't seem to have suffered any complications. They have to continue four meds for a week to prevent GI problems.

Though the care they received was VERY expensive, it was obviously top-notch and effective.

I pray this is the last problem the dogs have for a while!

Oh, one bit of good news for Hunter. The vet who saw him the past two days doesn't believe that amputation of his tail is indicated right now. So that's a relief.

Effective immediately, I have no other hobbies--no piano lessons, no massages, no new books--until the vet bill is paid off. The dogs are my only hobby. LOL

Accomplishing nearly nothing

217.0 (who knows? I ate crap all weekend)

Thank you for the comments and support on my last post. I think it's important for me to remember that we all go through funks at times, and they usually don't last all that long.

My weekend was so-so. It didn't help that it was kicked off by a 5+ hour wait in the ER on Friday afternoon/evening--at one of our firm's client hospitals, no less--that resulted in no answers about my arm. Starting your weekend by driving home 30 minutes while sobbing with anger and frustration and b1tching to friends, family and husband is not something I'd recommend if you're looking to relax.

Needless to say, I basically did nothing on Friday night. (I was too over-wrought to even eat until I'd been home nearly an hour.) Happily, however, a book I have been greatly anticipating from my paperback swapping site arrived in the mail that evening and I started reading it. I continued to read the book throughout the weekend and am now over 500 pages into it. (It is close to 700 pages long, so I have a ways to go.)

Saturday I helped MM with some housework--vacuuming and dusting, neglecting the bathrooms and laundry--and read. MM and I went to see The Taking of Pelham 123, which we enjoyed. I cooked tacos on Saturday night. (Whoopee, right? Hey, any time I cook a meal at all, it is noteworthy. Not so much with the domestic skills, this one.)

Sunday was more of the same: reading, petting dogs, and basically doing nothing. Sunday evening, we did meet MM's parents for dinner at Famous Dave's and watch new episodes of True Blood and Hung on HBO. That was fun.

So today it was back to the ol' grind. My most dreaded task of the day was entering my billable time in our time keeping system. Ugh. (I'd intended to do it Friday after my doctor's appointment, but never came back to the office 'cause my PCP sent me to the ER.) Entering my time took me over two hours. Other than that, I worked on a variety of other projects. One good thing about the day: my favorite partner (he's the one who hired me and with whom I most enjoy working) returned from his three-week vacation. It was nice to have him back in the office.

About my right arm: at least my PCP ("Dr H") is taking my problem seriously, even if the ER staff did not. I called his office right after it opened this morning to recap my Friday visit to the ER and let him know that my arm has not improved (or gotten worse, for that matter). His nurse called me shortly after 1:30 to have me come in today to get bloodwork to check for infection, and they are in the process of getting approval for a MRI of my arm. If it is approved, Dr H will await the results before deciding what to do next. If the MRI is denied, he will refer me to an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in hands/arms for further work-up.

I am relieved that I will soon be getting some further testing. It does not seem at all normal to me that I should still be having pain with movement and lumps under my skin after 2+ weeks, when my bruise and swelling have basically gone away. There has been no real change--for better or for worse--in my lumps and pain since the day after the initial injury. I (and my nurse friends, at work and otherwise) have speculated about possible causes, but the truth is, I have no idea what is wrong with my arm. (Hell, even Dr H is perplexed by my symptoms.)

I went back to the gym two days last week (Friday night was supposed to be my third day, but that didn't happen, thanks to my unplanned ER visit). It felt good to work out, but it also bothered my arm some. And I haven't even tried to lift weights for fear of pain. Can't wait to have this resolved and healed.

MM and I have become convinced over the weekend that Hunter can feel at least parts of his tail. We have agreed that, without clear and convincing evidence that he indeed lacks all sensation and has stopped using his tail, we will not amputate it. Hunter still won't lift his tail but does continue to move it vigorously from side to side.

I can't think that the vet is 100% convinced that he has no sensation either because when MM brought Hunter home on Friday, he also brought home more pain killers that she'd prescribed. If the dog has no feeling in his tail, he would have no need for pain killers, no? He is going back on July 31 for another follow-up visit.

So that's what's going on here. I can feel my funk wanting to recede. Perhaps once I get some answers about my arm, I will be able to get back into a better frame of mind.

Feeling down

217.6

I have had a couple of days of feeling pretty low. Usually I can snap myself out of these moods within a few hours or so by reflecting upon all the good things in my life (which are many). These past two days, though, that hasn't been working. So I thought that perhaps writing down all the reasons life's got me down this week might help me break out of my funk.

**My right forearm. I posted photos of the bruising to my arm as a result of Hunter's bite, but I haven't really written anything more about it. The bruising and swelling are 90% resolved, but something is wrong with my arm. I cannot extend it fully now without pain, and I have a hard, painful lump under the skin a couple of inches from the bend of my arm, as well as some smaller lumps in the area. I am beginning to think that I have a muscle or tendon tear of some type, and I am afraid that I am going to need surgery to fix it. (It has been two weeks and it certainly isn't getting better on its own.)

I have pain in the area with the lumps, particularly with certain movements, and often a feeling of tightness and/or pulling there also. Given that I am very right-hand-dominant, this has adversely affected my daily life.

I have an appointment with my PCP at 1:00 today. Not sure what he can do for something like this, but I'm hoping that he can at least get the ball rolling by ordering some tests and referring me to a specialist if intervention is needed.

I have never had any kind of surgery in my life and have never had general anesthesia. When you consider that fact along with my prior career as a hospital nurse and my current career as a medical malpractice attorney, I think it's easy to see why the thought of any type of surgery scares the sh1t out of me.

**Money. I earn a decent salary and usually have a fair amount of discretionary income. . . . at least in comparison to other times in my life. For the past two years, that has meant that I can take the occasional trip without going into debt, buy clothes when I need them, eat out when I want, and get massages, pedicures, and the like. Since July 3, I have spent nearly $1000 of my own money on Hunter-related expenses. (The total would be $1300, but $300 came out of our joint account.) And with today's doctor's appointment and the uncertainty about what will be necessary to fix whatever is wrong with my arm, that total is only going to increase.

I am thankful that I at least have the money to spend, but spending it has left me pretty tapped out for spending money for the next couple of months. In my current job over the past nearly-two years, I have grown used to not really worrying a lot about money and being able to spend within reason. I don't like this feeling of being strapped for cash. I have been trying to pay off the little bit of credit card debt that I have and save. These unexpected expenses are not helping.

**My weight and out-of-control, less-than-healthful eating. (Though the scale is inexplicably lower this morning, despite eating all three meals out yesterday. Weird.)

**Work. Lord knows, in this economy, I am happy just to have a job (and one that pays me a decent salary; see above). But having said that, I have been working on nothing but the most boring crap of late! Civil practice is fairly dry in general--the majority of most days is spent reading, writing, and, well, thinking--but I haven't even been to a deposition in two weeks. Plus I have had two ongoing research projects which are BORING AS HELL, and I am thoroughly sick of them. I am trying to write a motion in another case and have hit a major writer's block. . . . which is not helped by the fact that there is no real deadline for the motion. I am tired of sitting alone in my office and really missing my days as a prosecutor.

**Hunter. As I am writing this post, MM called to let me know the results of his follow-up vet visit, and the news is not good. Apparently the poor lamb has no feeling whatsoever in his tail. This problem was one of the potential complications of his tail fracture. He has another visit in two weeks, and if his sensation isn't returned, he will have to have his tail amputated. Otherwise gangrene could set in and be potentially life-threatening.

Owning it

219.2

When I first saw that weight on the scale yesterday, I thought it was a fluke due to pizza for dinner and dehydration. Alas, the scale showed precisely the same number this morning. So I guess I have to believe it now.

I'm not even going to go off on my usual rant about how hard it is for me to lose weight and how easy it is for me to gain it. The fact of the matter is, I have worked out once in the past two weeks and have been eating pretty much whatever I want during that time. At 38, you think I would have figured out by now that following this pattern of behavior means I am going to gain weight. Sheesh.

I did go back to the gym last night, finally. I did a solid 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer, but no weight training. I took a hiatus from working out this time because of my arm injury. While my arm was still very bruised and swollen, it hurt to swing it, and it REALLY hurt if, by chance, I accidentally brushed it against things. Because of that, I didn't want to get on the elliptical trainer or the treadmill--both of which have bars on the sides--and it is WAY too hot to exercise outdoors this time of year, so walking/jogging around the neighborhood was out. (Today's high temp was 111; Saturday's was 114.)

My arm is better. . . better as in "improved," not 100% healed. The bruising is nearly gone, but I still have some pain and swelling, as well as some lumps/bumps under the skin, a couple of which are visible and the rest of which are easily palpated. I am going to go to my PCP on Friday to get it looked at. I would be more worried that some muscle or tendon damage had been done if I didn't have full range of motion and normal strength (albeit with some discomfort).

Not surprisingly, when I am not working out regularly and eating more crap than usual, I have been really tired lately and had almost zero energy. Of course, feeling tired and having low energy often leads to laziness about workouts and food, so it's a nasty cycle.

Reading back on this post, it's so BLAH. That's pretty much the way I feel. Hope I can kick myself in the a$$ again soon.

Dog drama in pictures

Close up of the area where Hunter tried to claw through the drywall to escape the fireworks on July 4th.


Photo of damage to the door (after we'd cleaned up all the debris)

Bruise on right forearm, Monday 7/6

Bruise on right forearm, 7/4

My "assailant," mere hours after the "crime"

Bruise on right forearm, morning of 7/3, several hours after it happened

Stress and drama

When I read all the comments on my last post, I felt bad about the sarcastic remark I made about the lack of comments about my dog troubles post. When I wrote the post about the dogs, I was feeling stressed out and was hoping for some support and feedback. I'm sure you know how it is to put something out there in hopes of getting a response and hearing nothing back. I think I felt that either no one was reading what I'd written or that no one cared.

Anyway, the sarcasm was petty and immature of me, as I am certain that anyone who takes the time to read my drivel has their own things going on, some of which are probably harder and more stressful than my dog drama. I meant it to be funny, but I think it came across snarky instead. It's nice to know that people are still reading, so I thank you for commenting.

Tension between the dogs continues. Over the past few days, I have come to the realization that my presence is a source of much of this tension. My friend CP is still staying with us, and she tells me that during the day when I am at work, the boys generally ignore one another and sleep in different parts of the common areas. Yesterday afternoon she saw the dogs play-wrestling on the grass in the backyard, which is the first positive interaction they have had since their first fight early last Friday morning. She doesn't notice them "mad dogging" each other when she is at our house alone with them. (Though I notice it in the evenings when I'm home.)

We have an appointment on Friday afternoon at 3:00 with a dog trainer/behaviorist (recommended by our vet) who is coming to do an in-home consultation. He suggested that we do what it takes to prevent more fights, up to and including keeping them separated. We have put away all toys and chew bones, and we have always fed them separately, so the only remaining point of contention seems to be me. I am being careful not to pet either of the dogs where the other can see me petting and am generally showing much less attention to their activities.

Hunter seems to be trying to make up with Sebastian. There have been a few times that he has gone up to him and nuzzled his neck and licked his face. Sebastian has not been receptive, though; he turns his head away and ignores Hunter when Hunter approaches him. (The trainer says that Sebastian is "correcting" Hunter by this response.)

On a positive note, Hunter seems to be doing very well physically. He doesn't seem to be in pain, and he is eating well. (In addition to his usual dry food, I am supplementing his feedings with a high protein canned food--yes, I am giving Sebastian some, too--and giving both dogs daily multivitamin supplements with extra calcium.) He is a little anxious, but that seems to be more due to the conflict with Sebastian than anything else. Hunter even wags his tail a little--just the end, like a pendulum, as he will not lift it--and I don't think he'd do that if it hurt him.

I really hope that the "dog whisperer" can help us resolve this situation. Although he said he couldn't really give me a full opinion before meeting the dogs, he sounded optimistic on the phone and has dealt with similar situations many times. It is stressful watching the boys all the time, waiting for something else to happen, and I hate not being able to pet them. I don't want to get rid of Hunter for several reasons. . . . not the least of which is that I don't want to send the message to Sebastian that he can drive someone out of our home with aggression. Letting Sebastian think that would not bode well for the future possibility of children.

The bruise on my right forearm is becoming quite colorful. After going to urgent care to have it examined on Monday afternoon, I have been taking prescription-strength ibuprofen and applying warm compresses to the area. (Apparently I have a large hematoma beneath the bruising also.) It hurts a little but seems to be generally improving. I really should post some photos of my arm because it is by far the worst bruise I've ever had and one of the worst I've ever seen, except perhaps in people who have suffered blunt force trauma through a motor vehicle accident or bludgeoning. I am very fortunate that despite causing a huge bruise, the bite did not break my skin. I haven't been going to the gym because my arm hurts quite a bit by the end of the day--what with typing, etc., all day at work--but plan to get back into that soon as well. I have a massage tonight and a work commitment tomorrow evening, but perhaps I will go back starting on Friday evening, depending on how my arm feels then.

Other than the dog drama, life is pretty much status quo. I'm still eating like crap (though I plan to get back on track over the weekend or on Monday at the latest). Work is busy but not too crazy. I have been staying up later in the evenings with CP visiting, and between that and the stress with the dogs and with a trial starting next one for my supervising partner--not to mention the effects of less exercise and poor eating--I've been exhausted.

I also have a weird skin issue going on which started a day or two before the dog fight/bite and has progressed since then. I was told on Monday at the urgent care clinic that it is pityriasis rosea. No one knows exactly what causes it, and it is not contagious. There is no treatment for it, but I am told that it will clear up on its own within a few weeks. Meanwhile, it is annoying because some of the patches are itchy. It is also unsightly: MM is totally grossed out by the patches, though he was relieved to learn that it's not contagious. Luckily, most of the patches are on my torso and upper arms and legs, so only a few are visible when I am clothed.

Yikes

215.6

I guess this is what a week of going back to my "normal" way of eating plus pizza and two pieces of chocolate cake with ice cream for dinner will do to the scale.

Oh, and thanks for the support on my last post. I'm being sarcastic, actually, 'cause no one even commented. Guess no one is reading anymore. . . . or if they are, they have nothing to say about my dog drama. (When I told MM that I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore, his response was "why would they? You're not Carrie Bradshaw. You are a boring married woman now." Nice.)

I am too tired, busy, stressed and in pain to really care about the scale at the moment.

Dog troubles

We have been dealing with some awful things with our two wonderful Golden Retrievers. As anyone who reads this blog knows, I have Sebastian, who will be 8 in October, who I adopted from rescue when he was 10 months old. Although Sebastian was diagnosed with mild mitral valve insufficiency at his annual check-up in March, it has only caused him to have a little activity intolerance so far, and he is generally healthy. Sebastian is placid, friendly and confident.

As I've posted about here, we adopted 4-year-old Hunter in early May. Prior to coming into rescue, Hunter's previous owner kept him in the backyard and used him as the stud for his backyard breeding operation. He had never lived in a house until a few weeks prior to coming to live in ours. Based on his behavior and reactions to various things, we are 99.9% sure that his prior owner was abusive. He certainly yelled at the dog and, we believe, likely hit him also.

For nearly two months, Sebastian and Hunter got along great. They play-wrestled together, slept together, shared toys & chew-bones, went on walks and to the park. I've posted photos of them together here, and I think it was obvious that things were going well.

Hunter has had a lot of problems since we adopted him, some of which I have written about previously. To briefly re-cap, he came to us having been exposed to kennel cough--which he developed within the first few days of coming to our house--and with a small earflap hematoma which grew large enough to require surgery to remove it. Post-operatively, he developed right-sided facial paralysis which lasted about a week and then gradually resolved on its own.

The last weekend in June, MM and I were talking about how great it was that Hunter was finally healthy and well and feeling very good about having adopted him. We were discussing how much more confident and calm he was becoming as he settled in and felt better.

I guess we spoke too soon.

On Sunday 6/28, another dog ran into Hunter's rear end at the park when both were running to catch a ball. We knew that Hunter was hurt because he yelped several times and refused to get up from where he'd been knocked to the grass for a few minutes. Eventually he stood and walked home, and his gait seemed fine.

Over the next few days, we noticed that Hunter was slow to get up and down from sitting and lying down. We still thought that he was bruised or had strained a muscle in one of his legs. We continued with his daily walks, though we stopped taking him to the park for fetch after one session two days after the collision obviously caused him pain.

Thursday night I fell asleep on the couch during the news, and MM let me stay there and went into our bedroom on his own. He left the dogs in the living room with me. A little after two in the morning, I was awakened out of a deep sleep by growling, snarling, and snapping. My first thought was to break up the fight, and I stumbled over in the dark and grabbed the waist of the first dog I touched (who happened to be Hunter). In the process, I was bitten on the left hand and right forearm. (Yes, I know: my own fault for jumping in the middle of a dog fight.) My right forearm in particular is still, three days later, deeply bruised and swollen and quite painful.

This event was so uncharacteristic of both dogs that I knew right away that something must be wrong. I took Hunter to the vet the following day and learned (after $600 of diagnostics) that he has a hairline fracture in one of the bones at the base of his tail. He is on two strong painkillers, prophylactic antibiotics, and rest for two weeks. He must return for a repeat x-ray in two weeks, and if the fracture does not heal on its own, they will have to amputate his tail. Poor lamb.

Since Thursday night's fight, the dogs have gotten in one other fight (over food, initiated by Sebastian!) and have been split up once for growling at one another, though no fight resulted. This type of behavior is so unlike both these dogs, and MM and I have been totally stressed out about it. MM is afraid that Hunter (being younger & stronger) will seriously injure or kill Sebastian, and I can't say his fear is unfounded.

I have a call out to a dog behavior specialist recommended by our vet. I am hoping to set up a home visit where someone can come out and work with us and help us fix this situation that has developed.

In additional to the tail fracture and the fighting, we learned the hard way Saturday night that Hunter is afraid of fireworks. I felt like such a dumbass because, what with all his other anxieties, I really should have guessed. Though to be fair, it is illegal to set off your own fireworks in our city, and we don't live anywhere near any of the approved shows. Regardless, apparently some neighbors a few doors down were setting off small fireworks. . . . the type that make a lot of popping sounds.

We arrived home to find the bottom half of the molding around our front door ripped off and parts of it chewed into small pieces on the floor. Hunter tried to claw his way out through the wall next to that door; he dug through the drywall all the way to the studs in places, leaving a huge pile of plaster dust on the floor and plaster stuck on his fur and claws. There were little smudges of blood on the floor and on the wall and molding, too, as he had cut his pads trying to claw out of the house. All told, he did an estimated $500-600 worth of damage.

I felt so horrible for Hunter when we arrived home and saw what he had done. How terrified he must have been to cause such damage! He was still panting heavily and drooling everywhere when we got home. . . . two things he does when scared, as we learned the first day we brought him home. It took 15-20 minutes to soothe him and calm him down, and he still jumped with every little pop he heard outside. As we cleaned up the mess he'd made, he was cowering and obviously afraid of being punished. We never even raised our voices to him, though, and made an attempt to project a calm air, once we overcame the initial shock of walking in and seeing the destruction.

So my two Goldens, who usually bring me much joy and entertainment, have been causing us some serious stress the past few days. There have been no fights now for a little over 36 hours, but we still aren't sure how exactly things will be resolved.

Halfway through 2009: a retrospective

The past few years on July 1st, I have stopped and thought "how can this year be half over already?!" (My mom warned me years ago that this happens as you get older. . .) This year is no exception.

Looking back at my blog posts for early January 2009, I do note that this year I didn't formally make any new year's resolutions. One good thing about that: I don't have to look back and dwell on all the things I've failed to do over the past six months. LOL

I do see, though, that even then, I was feeling frustrated and repulsed by my weight and my lack of motivation to do anything about it. On the plus side, it looks like my weight was a LITTLE higher six months ago: trending between 213 and 216, whereas now it's usually between 211 and 213. (Wow! BIG difference! LOL) I started a 30-day exercise challenge in the middle of the month and ended up exercising 28 of 30 days. (Of course, that also led to problems with my right piriformis muscle that continue to plague me today, but I digress.)

Oh, and on the home organization front, I see that I made reference in early January to finally unpacking and sorting through all the boxes from our move in September 2008. Yeah, guess what? It's now July, and that still hasn't happened. Surprise, surprise. I still haven't found some things that I *know* I brought from the old place, and I still have Christmas stuff sitting out in my home office.

So what useful information have I gleaned from looking back at the beginning of the year? Hmmm. The only thing I can discern is that I am still struggling with the same things today that I was struggling with then. Not sure how to feel about that.

On a more positive note, MM and I just passed seven months of marriage, and that is still going well. I am still gainfully employed. I am still blessed with wonderful friends, and my parents and in-laws are in (reasonably) good health. I was able to visit V and Rowan once since the beginning of the year, and I have plans to see them again in September.

OK, so I'm still fat and disorganized. Life is still pretty good.

EDITED TO ADD: OK, after I wrote this, I stumbled across this list from a December 30, 2008 blog post. So far, the only I've accomplished is #7, though I am working on #2 (because I'm being made to!). And so far, so good on #8, which is totally beyond my control.

Top ten things that I would like to do (or see happen) in 2009 (not listed in order of importance or likelihood)

1. Become more routine-oriented
2. Become a more efficient biller at work
3. Visit Rowan at least three times (especially now that he is getting to an age where he'll know whether or not I'm there!)
4. Lose weight (yeah, it's on the list again)
5. Get more organized at home (this one, too)
6. Get pregnant
7. Adopt another dog
8. My parents to stay in good health
9. See more of my friends
10. Write a first chapter for a novel

Off the rails

212.6

So yeah, less than 30 days since starting South Beach and exercise for my most recent attempt at weight loss, I am basically in non-compliance. I've cut back on carbs considerably from my pre-SB eating but am not really following the program fully and am certainly not eating enough veggies. I only went to the gym twice last week (and both times had scaled-back workouts). With my various social commitments, I've been eating out more than I should and not always making the healthiest choices.

To be fair, I had to scale back my workouts, though I didn't have to cut them down to only two in a week. And we all know how much harder it is to make healthier food choices when eating out nearly every meal. Not impossible, but harder.

I am jumping back on the exercise wagon full-steam tonight. I've got my gym clothes and iPod packed and ready to go. MM is counting on my meeting him at the gym (which is a helpful motivator). I would've gone last night but I had a migraine yesterday.

As for the healthier eating, I do have healthy foods at work for lunch (Lean Cuisine with supplemental veggies) and have some wholesome ready-to-cook meals in the freezer at home for dinner. I didn't bring any between-meal snacks to work, though, so I hope I don't succumb to the candy dish out of hunger this afternoon. (Be strong!)

I'm still optimistic that one (or more) of my friends is going to jump on with me and start doing a challenge. I think that might give me a little added incentive. Not that I can rely on others for my motivation, but a little healthy competition can be a good thing.

On the plus side, the scale hasn't really gone back up too much, despite my lesser efforts the past week or two. I am still 4.4 lbs less than when I started this time on June 1.

Another week almost over

It's funny that how often I post on my blog seems to be directly correlated to how well I'm doing with food and exercise. When I was gung-ho the first couple of weeks back on track, I was posting nearly every day. Now that my enthusiasm has waned, I'm lucky to put up a post twice a week. Tsk, tsk.

Aside from not being as diligent with the healthy eating and exercise this past week or so, my other reason for not posting much is that I don't have much to share. I have a lot going on--work is busy, my CASA case has been busy, I've had quite a few social commitments--but nothing that is interesting to write (or read) about. Plus I have been more "nose to the grindstone" at work of late after getting a talking-to about my billable hours last week.

I don't know if others feel this way, but it seems to me that each day once I finish work, go to the gym (or to my piano lesson or to meet friends), eat dinner, spend a little time with my husband, and walk the dogs, there is not time for much else in my day. I guess this is how most people's lives are? I've even brought work home a few nights this week, and it has sucked up the little bit of "free time" I have in the evenings. . . time that I would usually spend unwinding by reading for pleasure.

The above is one reason that I often think that I don't know how I would ever integrate a child into my life. It certainly feels to me that my life is already about as full as it can get! ;-)

A high school friend of mine ("CP") is coming into town today to stay with us for a week or so while she works for a nursing agency here and looks for a more permanent position. It will be good to see her and catch up. Having a house guest adds just one more thing to my "to do" list, too, though.

I plan to get back on track with the healthier eating Monday and will go to the gym at least one day this weekend with MM. (I will try to make healthier choices over the weekend but know that I will be eating out a lot.)

In addition to entertaining CP, plans for the weekend include taking the dogs to Petsmart tomorrow morning for grooming (it'll be Hunter's first time; hope he does OK), dinner with friends C and her husband and baby tomorrow night, and lunch with KC on Sunday. In between, I need to work for 4-5 hours, clean out my car, and clean out/reorganize my closet, which has gotten to a point where I am having a hard time finding things to wear for work.

Fun, fun, fun. . . . .

MM and I discussed last week the fact that we neglected to plan anything for the three-day weekend we have coming up next week for Independence Day. We talked about various options for weekend getaways and ultimately decided that we didn't feel like going out of town. So we have absolutely nothing planned, which is actually sounding pretty good to me at the moment.

Quick check-in

211.8

As predicted, I am not nearly as gung ho about healthier eating and exercise, three weeks in, as I was when I started. My eating this past weekend left much to be desired--way to few veggies and even some (gasp!) off-limits carbs, including nacho chips--and I only made it to the gym twice last week. (I've been plagued with migraine headaches again the past few days.)

I plan on going to the gym after work this evening and going to the grocery store after that to pick up some groceries, including fresh veggies. (Part of the problem last week was that I never went to the grocery store and was therefore forced to either eat out or eat convenience foods I had at home.) I am still on reduced-intensity in regard to my exercise, but that doesn't mean I can't exercise at least 3-4 days this week.

I was surprised that the scale gave me the reading it did this morning: Sunday's number was 213.0. We ate out last night for my in-laws' anniversary/Fathers Day and I had a pasta in a cream sauce. Not at all South Beach compliant.

Well, today is a new day. I haven't eaten at all today yet (felt vaguely nauseated so only had a cup of coffee with cream & Splenda) but have my low-carb Lean Cuisine entree and some supplemental frozen veggies for lunch and am planning on a chicken salad for dinner. I'll get back on track.

Plugging along

212.0

My weight seems to be hovering around the same 212-213 range this week. Given that I have been reintroducing carbs and have scaled back my workouts, I'll take it. I am well-hydrated and getting plenty of rest, and my energy levels remain high on the South Beach-style eating. (Oh, and I had to laugh at Lisa's comments on the last couple of posts. As far as I know, I am not pregnant. LOL)

I did a 30-minute workout on the elliptical trainer last night, but nothing too intense; I kept my heart rate in the 130s. (Usually I aim for mid-to-high 140s with a jump into the 150s during my "speed bursts.") It felt good to get a little exercise.

One benefit of working out less has been that my right piriformis muscle is no longer bothering me. I had gotten to where it was sore most of the time and worse after sitting all day. I had an intense deep-tissue massage last Wednesday, and the therapist--someone I go to regularly--worked that area for 10-15 minutes. At my request, she used so much pressure that it hurt at times and I was faintly bruised and sore the next day. She definitely worked out the tightness, though, and it has not returned.

I think that scaling back my workouts has helped a lot with my piriforimis tightness, too. As much as I like the idea of working out every day (or at least 5-6 days a week) and as much as that helps speed my weight loss, I think that for now I am going to have to settle for 3-4 days a week. Working out at that frequency these past two weeks, my piriformis tightness and pain have not returned post-massage.

Work has been busy, which is an especially good thing because my supervising attorney had a talk with me yesterday about my billable hours. For those reading who are not lawyers in private practice (count your blessings), my entire day must be broken down into tenth-of-an-hour increments and billed to clients. I have no problem doing the work but am not great about tracking my time. I am sure that I often underestimate the time I spend on tasks, and there are several things I do that I (apparently wrongly) understood I could not bill for. My supervisor's solution is to have the most junior partner in the firm--who is a "great biller" and someone with whom I get along well--monitor my timesheets and activities for a month to see if I can improve on capturing all my time.

I can't really complain, though. I know that there are some firms where your pay can be docked if your billables are not where they should be; some firms will even eventually fire an attorney for billing below requirements. Although I don't like billing, I understand that it is a "necessary evil," and I am actually looking forward to improving on it in a way. I've had lots of Catholic guilt over the past months when my billables have been below my target.

Starting at the end of next week, the two partners for whom I do 85% percent of my work will both be on vacation, one for a week and the other for three weeks (he's going to Maui for 10 days, and I'm so envious!). Not sure if having them gone will result in more or less work for me, though.

I am going to Tucson tomorrow to visit my CASA child M. To make a long story short, M was urgently removed from the home where she had been placed with some potential adoptive parents on Tuesday and is currently in a group home. I had been planning to visit her tomorrow in any case, and now that she has been disrupted, it is especially important that I do so. Though I am NOT looking forward to the 5-hour round trip drive! Ugh.

Other than my trip to Tucson, MM and I have plans to see The Proposal on Sunday morning (his suggestion, believe it or not) and to take his parents out to dinner on Sunday evening. Not only is Sunday Fathers Day, it is also my in-laws' 40th wedding anniversary. Pretty impressive.

In between all my commitments, I am hoping to do some laundry and go to the grocery store and do all the usual stuff I need to do to prepare for the week. I have had a real hankering lately to do some organizing and de-cluttering at home; alas, I have not really had the time. By the time we get home from dinner and the gym each evening, it's usually around 8:00 and I don't have time do much besides take the boys to the park and read for a little while. And this week I have also brought work home a few nights. I've also gone to bed before 10:00 twice this week.

Ooh, forgot to mention that MM and I are having the Merry Maids come tomorrow to do a thorough deep-cleaning of our house. We (well, mostly MM) do a good job of keeping the house fairly clean, but we don't scrub baseboards or wash windows or dust the tops of cabinets and that kind of thing. It'll be nice to come home to a spic and span house! We are also looking into getting monthly maid service. (Monthly may sound odd, but it is a compromise: MM thought we should only get a deep-cleaning twice a year, and I wanted to get bi-weekly maid service.) Hooray!

The scale is a lying jade

213.0 this morning.

Which makes no sense to me, considering that I am eating less than usual and still complying with South Beach. Sure, I have scaled back my workouts. . . but can't figure out why the scale is creeping up.

Water retention maybe? I usually have no problem drinking 2-3 liters a day but lately haven't been drinking as much, between feeling bloated and/or nauseated. Plus plain water just hasn't tasted as good to me the past few days, though it's the same filtered water (at work) that I've always been drinking for the past nearly-two years.

Hmmm.

Exercise break

212.0

The scale sure is a weird thing. I've been dieting long enough to know not to freak out over one day's reading, but I find it very perplexing that my weight went up 0.2 lbs from yesterday when I ate basically half as much on Monday as I usually do, due to GI upset. Huh.

I've been trying to drink lots of water today because I know yesterday's intake was way below what it should have been. It's hard to drink water when you're really bloated and mildly nauseated, though.

Not too much new to report. I am taking a few days off from exercise and will return to the gym on Thursday evening. Not only do I think it's good for me to take a break once a while, I have another reason for taking it easy that has nothing to do with my weight loss efforts or laziness. (Not one I plan to discuss on this blog, though. ;-P )

Continuing with reintroducing some "good" carbs, I had corn tortillas and pinto beans with lunch today. Plenty of fiber, though I'm not sure if that'll actually be a good thing, given how bloated I was yesterday. Oh well. I had a taste for Mexican food, and there aren't a lot of lower/healthier carb options there.

Piano tonight and then I plan to get caught up on some stuff around the house that has been sadly neglected of late. Hey, if I'm going to take time off from the gym, I should at least use it wisely to do other stuff, right?

Monday weigh-in

211.8

Week 2 of South Beach went well, as evidenced by the weight above. I didn't work out as often or as intensely because my right hip started bothering me again. I still got in three workouts over the course of the week, though.

Eating was easier this past week because the carb cravings were less. Plus I've had very little appetite; not sure what that's about, but I'll take it.

One criticism of my eating over the past few days: I haven't been getting enough veggies in. I will work on that this week. I'll also be reintroducing some "good carbs." Well, truth be told, I allowed myself to have a slice of whole wheat toast on Saturday and some whole wheat crackers last night, so I've actually already started reintroducing some good carbs.

I think a 5.2-lb loss over two weeks is pretty respectable. Just need to keep chipping away at this. . . .

Post and dash

212.6

I'm writing this (short) post on my BlackBerry as I sit in an exam room at the vet waiting for Hunter to have the stitches removed from his right ear. (Hunter is doing very well, btw. All facial paralysis resolved and surgical site healing well. God willing, this poor dog won't have to come to the vet again until next year's annual appointment.)

Just had to share my weight from this morning. I weighed myself three times because I couldn't believe it. Hope it's accurate! But I won't change my ticker 'cause I chose Mondays as my "official" weigh-in day.

This & that

214.4

The scale is down 2.6 lbs from last Monday, and I'm quite happy about that! Reading about others' 5+ lb losses makes me a little bummed that I didn't lose more, but really, at this point, any time the scale is moving down, I'm satisfied.

MM and I had a wonderful, relaxing weekend at the resort. We relaxed by the pool and in the "lazy river," did some shopping at a nearby open-air mall (went to Crate & Barrel, among other stores), ate at a couple of fancier-than-usual restaurants, and just hung out.

I did the best I could with eating. I didn't have any carbs, for which I was proud of myself. . . . especially given the fact that Friday night's restaurant served me a HUGE portion of brown rice (which I love) and Saturday night's dinner was at an Italian restaurant with some delicious pasta dishes available and bread. At the same time, I'm sure I ate more fat (and more food in general) and fewer veggies than I should have, and I know I didn't drink enough water. But today is a new day, and I can get right back on track.

I also worked out Friday evening between work and heading to the resort and also at the resort's fitness center on Saturday afternoon, in addition to doing a lot of walking around the resort and around a nearby shopping center. All told, I exercised 5 of my first 7 days back on track; not too shabby.

I made a discovery yesterday when I actually went back and read the South Beach Diet book. (When I re-started, I went by memory and didn't re-read.) I'd forgotten that full-fat dairy products are not allowed on SB. However, I must have half-and-half (and Splenda) in my coffee in the mornings. Having only acquired the habit of drinking coffee after age 33, I'm not a "real" coffee drinker and need something to help the flavor be less bitter. Usually I accomplish this through mocha syrup and the like, so I actually think that cutting back to simply 2 Splenda packets and 2-3 oz of half-and-half is progress.

Oh, and before someone helpfully suggests that I either (a) use non-fat or low-fat milk or fat-free half-and-half, or (b) use sugar free mocha syrup, let me say that I have tried these options and don't like the taste. There is something special and unique about Starbucks's mocha syrup that doesn't taste like anything else I've found, sugar-free or not. Plus with fat-free half-and-half, I can't help but think "what the hell is this made of?!" Both cream and whole milk have fat, so it makes no sense to me.

For now, even though I know it's not allowed, I am going to continue to use my 3 oz of half-and-half in the one cup of coffee I am allowing myself per day. Regular half-and-half is about 40 calories per oz, according to sparkpeople so it's worth it to me.

My right piriformis muscle is acting up again. Starting on Friday morning, I have started to have the same dull ache (and occasional stabbing pain) in the same spot as before. Because I don't foresee too many other realistic options for me for regular exercise besides walking or using the elliptical trainer, I really don't know what to do about this except continuing to stretch well after workouts and continuing to work on strengthening the surrounding muscles. I can't even take NSAIDs to help with the pain and inflammation because my doctor has warned me off them for now (long, unrelated story there).

I've been wanting MM to try a yoga class for a long time, and he has agreed to go to one with me at our gym tomorrow night! Now to see if he will follow through. . . .

All dressed up with somewhere to go

215.0

I couldn't believe the number on the scale this morning--in a good way, for a change--and had to weigh myself three times to be sure. Yep, I have gone down two pounds since Monday morning. Hooray!

I stayed on track with my eating yesterday but didn't exercise. For some reason, I just didn't feel physically like doing it. This wasn't my usual lack of motivation thing; it was more my body didn't feel prepared to go out and do 30 minutes of cardio. Part of the issue could have been that I had an hour-long massage from 5 to 6 and was just too loose and relaxed. And I still have a lot of muscle soreness all over from the various exercises I'd done the prior three days, especially in my legs.

In any event, I made a conscious decision to skip last night's workout; I figured I was due, after three straight days at the gym. At about 8:30, I was hit with a wave of exhaustion that kinda came out of nowhere. So I was actually in bed by 9:00, though it took at least another half hour for me to actually fall asleep.

I will hit the gym this evening before MM and I head to the resort for the weekend.

This weekend's eating should be challenging because so far I have been staying on track mostly by preparing the majority of my meals myself, and that will not be an option while staying in a hotel. I am optimistic that I can still make it work, though; so many people do "low carb" eating nowadays that I feel confident in my ability to find foods that are SB-compliant. Though I may have to eat a little more Phase Two at a meal or two than I'd hoped.

I must not have that many readers who are married with children 'cause my last post only garnered one comment. Either that, or the rest of you are keeping mum on the subject.

One little grouse and then I'll close. My office is quite casual, and I almost always wear jeans to work on Fridays (truth be told, I have done it mid-week on occasion, too). The exception to this is when I have a deposition or a court appearance on a Friday. My supervising partner and I have to appear in federal court at 4:00 today (ugh! on a Friday!), so I will have to get all dressed up for work today. Well, who knows, maybe it will lead to increased productivity today. LOL

Have a great weekend!

Quick query for all who are willing to share

For those of you who have been married and also had children. . . .

Which brought you more happiness overall: being a spouse or parent?

I'm interested in hearing any and all opinions on this topic.

(Is there even anyone who reads this blog who is married with children besides my sister and my friend K?)

Starting SB Day 4

216.4

Day 3 of SB Phase One yesterday was fine. Still some carb cravings, but no real hunger, except when 3+ hours had passed since my last meal or snack, which seems totally appropriate to me. I wasn't able to eat entirely as planned, as I learned on returning home from work that our refrigerator was set on too cold a temperature and froze my lettuce for my salad. So no salad for dinner; I ended up eating salmon and a little cheese on their own with half a cucumber instead. Kind of a weird dinner, but it worked.

A quick peek at my sparkpeople nutrition tracker shows that I have consistently eaten between 1400 and 1600 calories a day, even though I am not counting calories (or points). And I am definitely doing low carb: every day the "daily nutrition feedback" report tells me that I have fallen below the goal for carbohydrates. That's just I want at this point.

Exercise was, once again, challenging. For the cardio, I actually did the workout for Day 4 and will do Day 3's workout today. The challenge was now compounded by the fact that I am sore from the prior two days of working out! Tonight's exercise session will be at home: I have a massage from 5 to 6 and just don't see myself driving straight to the gym after that. So I will do my strength training in my living room with the dumbbells I have at home and will do a brisk 30-minute walk with the dogs once the sun goes down for my cardio.

I am pretty proud of myself so far. I know three days in a row of consistency is not much, but it's huge compared to what I'd been doing for a long time prior to this week! Baby steps, right?

Oh, and not to let negativity into my mostly positive post. . . . but can I share that I am sick of preparing my meals? Just tired of it! That fact really highlights for me how often I either eat out or eat convenience foods.

Accountability

(forgot to weigh before breakfast)

Not much exciting to report, but I wanted to post anyway for accountability purposes. I survived Day 2 of SB Phase One yesterday and had fewer carb cravings (but still had some). I ate what I'd planned and only what I'd planned, which is a good feeling. I have been tracking my food on sparkpeople.com, too, and it's interesting to read the feedback the site provides once you've tracked your whole day of food.

I also hit the gym last night and did Day 2 of the 2-week Turnaround Mo turned me on to. Once again, the cardio was challenging and the strength training didn't seem hard, but I am feeling it today! I have my gym stuff packed to work out tonight again, too. This time, MM will actually be meeting me at the gym.

My right piriformis muscle (the one that gave me trouble when I did my 30-day exercise challenge earlier this year) has been tight and a little sore, but I am spending 10 minutes stretching well after each workout and getting up to walk around no less than once an hour. Because that muscle is irritated by forward motion and by sitting--two activities that I cannot eliminate entirely--I will just have to live with some discomfort, I think. At least I am not having the stabbing-hot-poker-type pain there that I had back in February, and I haven't had any numbness or tingling in my right thigh as I did before.

I brought my healthy lunch and snacks to work and am planning on another salad for dinner, perhaps with tuna instead of chicken this time; we'll see.

Happy Humpday!

Kickin' my own ass

217.2

My first day of South Beach Phase One yesterday was a little challenging. I was hungry at times and craving carbs like nobody's business! But interestingly, as Hilly noted in the comments of yesterday's post, I did feel much peppier. And my concentration was better, too, which is huge for me. Of late, I have so often felt tired and had a hard time focusing.

Today I don't feel as great, but I don't think I can blame it on the diet: I woke up between 5 and 5:30 this morning with a bad headache (maybe the start of a migraine). I took Excedrin, and then went back to sleep for a couple of hours. . . . but now it's 10:45, and I am still sluggish, drowsy (eyelids feel heavy), and have a mild throbbing in my head.

I must give props to Mo for her suggestion in yesterday's comments for the two-week turnaround. I did Day 1 of Week 1 yesterday, and found the cardio quite challenging; I sweated a lot more than I usually do during my workout. The strength training didn't feel all that difficult at the time, but I am mildly sore today, which is a good sign that I actually worked some muscles. I am going to do Day 2 this evening.

Days like today make it really hard to stick to healthier eating and exercise. When I feel sub-par, I get a bad case of the "f$&k its" and don't feel like putting forth the effort. It's all I can do to get out of bed and get to work, let alone put forth any extra effort in any area of my life. Plus there is no enjoyment in doing cardio when I'm sluggish and headache-y.

Oh well. That's life! Every day isn't going to be a bed of roses, right? If I want to do this, I have to find a way to kick my ass into gear, even when I don't want to.

My one small problem yesterday was that I didn't time out my meals and snacks appropriately. This meant that I didn't have an afternoon snack, so I went to the gym hungry and was ravenous by the time I finished my workout. Allowing myself to get over-hungry often leads to overeating or poor food choices (not to mention making me quite irritable). Instead of hitting a drive-through somewhere on my way home--as would be my usual M.O.--I walked over to the Trader Joe's in the same complex as my gym and picked up some low-fat cheese and pistachios to snack on during the drive home. I ended up eating a little more fat than I'd planned, but it was a far cry from my usual eating habits. Dinner was the same healthy chicken salad that I had planned. . . . I just bought it at TJ's rather than preparing it myself when I arrived home, as I'd intended. Whew! Crisis averted.

Today I have all the "provisions" I need to get me through the day, plus an extra snack just in case. I've got my gym bag packed and will go work out after my piano lesson.

Oh, and I forgot to mention: MM had to skip the gym last night (had to arrest someone) and will be going to a different gym location than me tonight. That's right, people: I am working out despite the fact that my husband won't be at the gym with me! Ha! Now there's dedication.

P.S. Anyone have any suggestions for something low-carb to order when eating Italian? I'm usually all over the pasta, but I'd like to finish out two weeks of Phase One without interruption. We have planning for weeks to have dinner at Maggiano's this weekend.

It's on

217.0

(photo taken at 0725 this morning)

After seeing numbers on the scale in the range of 220-point-something at the end of last week and mulling it over, I have decided to do something about my weight (for the million-and-first time). To that end, I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought all the food (I think) I need to start the South Beach diet Phase One today.

Yesterday I went to the gym with MM in the morning and did a (slower-than-usual) 30-minute walk on the treadmill in the morning and walked to the park with MM and the doggies in the evening (about 10 minutes round trip). I also had a healthy salad and some soup for dinner. Funny how just one day of eating healthier and getting some exercise affects the scale: I was 219.4 on Saturday morning!

I was surprised to see 217.0 on the scale this morning, but I am glad my weight adjusted itself before I started trying to lose weight again. Although I must say, it would have been very encouraging if the scale had waited a day to go down and I'd seen a 2.4-pound "loss" immediately. LOL

Aside from planning on challenges with my sister and a friend to get/keep me motivated, I haven't put any thought at all into how long I intend to do this. If I go by BMI, I am far above what I should weigh: one calculator I found (and like) online tells me that my current BMI is 36.1, which is in the 87th percentile for my age and height (yikes!). It lists my "people's choice ideal weight" as 160 pounds and notes that the medical recommendation for my weight is 116-150 pounds.

Going by the more generous standard--and really, I don't see any possible way for me to EVER weigh less than 150 pounds--I need to lose 57 pounds. Even if I averaged a pound a week of loss, that would take me over a year to achieve.

So at this point. . . . . baby steps. I am going to do chip away at this slowly. My first goal is to see the scale under 200 pounds. . . . . something that hasn't happened in a while.

Repulsed

220.4

I am a fat, disgusting pig.

I have no one to blame but myself for this weight. Well, and maybe bad genes, to a certain extent. Although nothing in my genes compelled me to order a big ol' plate o' nachos for dinner last night rather than opting for a healthier choice. (My not-fat husband ordered a chicken Caesar salad.)

I have my gym gear with me today and will be visiting the gym for the first time in about two weeks. So that's a start.

However, breakfast was a caffe mocha (non-fat, natch) and a mushroom piadini from Starbucks. Not so great a start in terms of food choice.

Potpourri

219.0

I haven't updated in a while--again--and quite a bit has been going on. I also would like to blog about the fact that the scale is gradually creeping up, up, up--I am now 7 pounds heavier than when I started Weight Watchers in 2003 and perilously close to 220--but I seem to be complacent about it. Well, actually I am repulsed by myself, but it hasn't spurred me to any action. I may have to wait until later in the week to blog about my self-loathing in more detail. . . . ;-)

Work has been busy! A case to which I am assigned was scheduled to go to trial on June 9, so the past two weeks, I have been spending 80-90% of my time working on various trial preparation stuff: indexing depositions, reviewing exhibits, drafting pre-trial motions, etc. We found out at 2:30 last Friday afternoon that an issue has come up (for the plaintiffs) that will prevent the trial from going forward as scheduled. I'm actually kind-of glad the trial is being continued because now I can focus on the deadlines I have in other cases, which are several: I have five projects due this week or on Monday of next.

But for Friday's development, I would have had to work several hours yesterday. As it was, I spent the entire day doing nothing productive. I didn't even do housework, laundry, or grocery shopping, though I needed to do all three! I did no work, and I didn't write the court report for my CASA case that is due before close of business today. Instead, I relaxed: I surfed the internet and played games; read two books; and watched three movies on TV (Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, Napoleon Dynamite, and Idiocracy) and part of the Diamondbacks game. It was wonderful!

My dad and stepmom were visiting from Friday afternoon around 3:30until early Monday morning. We had a good visit with them. It was good to see them, and they seemed to enjoy themselves. My dad made the comment that MM "grows on you," which sort-of implies that he didn't like him before but now he does. I thought it was funny. (As for my stepmom, she seems to have liked MM at both of their prior meetings. . . . but she is inclined to be less critical than my father.)

The four of us went to my in-laws' for dinner on Sunday. All the parents seemed to get along well; it was the first time that my stepmom met my FIL, though she had met my MIL before and my dad had met both my MIL and FIL previously. Other than dinner at the Ms', we also went to a movie (Night at the Museum), to the farmers' market, and out to eat a few times, plus watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (good, but depressing).

I love my father; however, visits with him and stepmom can be a tad tricky, for a variety of reasons that are too complicated to discuss in this post. Suffice it to say that I count any visit as a success if (1) he and I don't get in an argument; (2) we don't talk about religion; and (3) nothing offends him or his wife. Check, check, and check.

Lots of developments on the Hunter front, too. Since my last post, the poor thing developed right-sided facial paralysis which now seems to be resolving. For two days, his right jowl was drooping, causing food and water to dribble out and lots of slobbering; he couldn't blink his right eye; and his right nostril doesn't flare. He can now blink and is less droopy but still doesn't have full sensation or movement. He has been at the vet's three times in the past eight days. The good news is that he had his right ear bandages removed today, and his ear is healing well. I'm extra glad that the bandages are off because they have rubbed raw spots on the skin of his throat and under his left (unoperated) ear (which will now require a twice-daily powder to treat). The vet is encouraged at the improvement in his facial paralysis, and he doesn't have to go back for two more weeks for removal of his ear stitches.

While I have been exceptionally busy at work for the past week plus, MM was also very busy last week and continues to be this week. (Funny how that works out.) We have both been pretty stressed out between both our jobs, taking the dog to the vet multiple times, and preparing for my parents' visit. We have nothing planned this week or weekend, and I think we are both glad!

I can't think of too much more that's going on. I still feel like I'd love to take a couple of days off to get caught up on "life," but I do feel more relaxed after having a lazy day yesterday.

Tonight is piano lesson and probably a trip to the grocery store to pick up some food; I have basically nothing to eat at home but a couple of frozen dinners for lunches, frozen edamame, and instant oatmeal. LOL

Pitiful Hunter

First, let me say that Hunter's surgery and recovery went fine, and from a medical perspective, he is doing well. He came through his procedure OK.

MM picked Hunter up from the vet a little after 10:00 a.m. yesterday. He told me he looked pitiful, but I didn't really grasp how pitiful until I saw him for myself after 5:00 p.m.

When I arrived home yesterday, I saw that in addition to being obviously subdued and groggy and just not himself, he has a pressure dressing on his right ear that makes it stick straight out from his head. This pressure dressing is held in place by a bandage wrapped around his head. And topping all that off is a horrible "e collar." Well, to be fair, it's not horrible: it's clear, so he can still see things to the sides. But he keeps bumping it into things, and it makes eating and drinking tricky. (I took some photos of him to show just how pitiful he looked but have not gotten around to uploading them.)

Hunter spent most of yesterday evening sleeping. He seemed more himself this morning, though he still is obviously bothered by the e collar and the bandages. He is taking two different pain medications and an antibiotic for the next two weeks.

Hunter goes back to the vet on 5/27 for bandage removal and has to wear the e collar at all times when unattended until then. He also can't go outside without supervision, so the doggy door is blocked for both boys (and Sebastian is NOT happy about it).

Poor thing. I'm glad he came out of the surgery OK, though.

Hunter news

Seems like lately the only posts on this blog that garner more than one or two comments are the ones I write about the dogs. Maybe most of my readers have abandoned me. Given the sporadic posting and the mostly dull content, I wouldn't blame them. :-)

So it's a good thing I have something to report about one of the dogs. Hunter has recovered nicely from his kennel cough--without ever infecting Sebastian, despite constant interaction with him--and is settling into our home well. However, on Thursday evening (just before leaving to the Jimmy Buffett concert), I noticed that a lump on his right ear flap which the vet had told me to keep an eye on had grown larger, firmer, and painful.

To make a long story short, Hunter saw the vet Saturday morning and is back at the vet today to have surgery on an ear flap hematoma. Apparently these are common in Goldens and, if large like his, will not heal on their own without causing permanent deformity of the ear that can lead to chronic ear infections. They are often a result of the dog shaking his head or scratching at his ear due to infection, but curiously, Hunter's ear is not infected.

Poor Hunter. In addition to being a mistreated yard dog most of his life, in the span of a little over a month, he has been neutered, had kennel cough, and now this surgery. Rough life.

I should find out soon how the surgery went and whether he will be able to come home tonight. He will have a bandage around his head (like a Revolutionary War veteran) for a week and 25-30 stitches in his right ear for a total of three weeks.

Keep Hunter in your thoughts. I hope he does OK.

Educational anniversaries

A trivial tidbit about me: by sheer coincidence, I graduated from college (undergrad) and from law school on the same date, ten years apart. Today, May 14, is that date.

Today it has been 5 years since I graduated from law school and 15 years since graduating college.

I wonder where I'd be today and what I'd be doing had I never finished college. Aside from the obvious fact that I'd probably be much worse off financially, my life would be different in a lot other ways, too.

Had I never gone to law school, more likely than not, I would still be working as a nurse in some form or fashion. (Assuming I hadn't had a mental breakdown by now. LOL) It's also possible that I might have gone back to school for something else: before law school, I considered getting a PhD in psychology or a MBA, among other things. I also considered becoming a legal nurse consultant.

Had I never graduated from college, though, I never would have been a nurse in the first place. I never would have gone to law school. Considering the fact that I met a majority of my friends in adulthood through either my jobs or in law school, I wouldn't even have the same people in my life.

I'm not even sure that I would've met MM. I first moved to Arizona due to a nursing job; I stayed in Arizona to attend law school. I moved from Tucson back to Phoenix due to a legal job. Changing any small part of the chain of events could've led me down an entirely different path.

Interesting to contemplate. Sometimes I wish the technologies we see in sci-fi were true. It would be cool to have a way to see my "alternate realities."

Wednesday already?

I have become a lazy blogger of late! It's certainly not because I have nothing I want to write. I had good intentions of writing a post about our weekend trip to San Antonio, complete with photos; I've just never gotten around to it. I've been exceptionally tired, and once I get home from work and the gym and eat dinner, take the dogs to the park, and give them some love, I don't seem to have time or energy left to do anything else before bed.

Lately it seems that no matter what time I go to bed, I wake up tired (and sometimes with a mild headache, too). I've actually gotten Starbucks caffe mochas twice in the past week or so simply because I *had* to be able to focus and concentrate at work and couldn't do it without some caffeine. I'm actually mildly concerned about this because I don't think there is any reason for me to be this tired all the time. I've been exercising 2-3 times a week; my eating has been about the same as ever (meaning a typical "American" diet, interspersed with stabs at eating more healthy, whole foods); I seem to be sleeping soundly and well; I have no more stress than usual going on; I even bought a new pillow that cradles my neck wonderfully. Hmmm.

I never went in for my annual physical in January, and I've been thinking that I should make an appointment for a physical and address this with my doctor. At a minimum, he will probably want to check my cholesterol and triglyceride levels, so I can probably ask him to check some other bloodwork at the same time to see if I am anemic or having thyroid issues or something.

Anyhoo. . . . before anyone gets ideas, let me be clear that there is absolutely NO chance that I am pregnant! So that's not what's making me tired. ;-)

I will save more detailed information about our trip to San Antonio for when I get around to writing that post complete with photos. Suffice it to say that we had a good, relaxing time.

The golden boys fared well in our absence. Hunter was apparently fearful of our dog sitter initially at her first visit but warmed up to her quickly once he realized that she knew his name and wanted to give him love. His kennel cough is nearly all cleared up, too: he only has the occasional hack now instead of that awful choking sound. Fortunately, Sebastian has never gotten sick, though I suppose we can't be certain that he won't for another few days, given the 5-14-day incubation period of kennel cough. We are optimistic, though, as it has been eleven days already since Hunter came to live with us and just over a week since he started showing kennel cough symptoms himself.

I booked our flights to DC for our fall vacation today. Otherwise it's just been work, work, work. My supervising partner has a case set for trial in less than a month, so that has been taking up a lot of time. It's a case to which I've been assigned from the beginning (about 19-20 months?). If the trial goes forward as scheduled on June 9, I will get to attend jury selection. . . . in Yuma. We shall see; the judge currently has a murder trial scheduled the previous week, so that may cause us to get bumped.

Getting back to it. . . .

Quick notes

215.8 (whew!)

1. Reading In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto has inspired me to start eating healthier once again. I've been adding more whole foods to my diet. . . . mainly fruits & veggies. As a result (and having gone to the gym twice this week), my weight is down from a scary 218.4 on Monday.

2. For years Sebastian has positioned himself on the bathmat while I shower. Now when I get out of the shower in the mornings, here is the scene in the bathroom:



3. Hunter has kennel cough. Though we didn't know it until Monday, he was briefly exposed in his foster home and started coughing during the night on Tuesday/early Wednesday. Except for having the characteristic cough, he doesn't seem very sick: he's eating and has a normal energy level. but went to the vet and is now on antibiotics and a cough suppressant. So far, Sebastian is healthy, and though kennel cough is highly contagious, the vet said that some dogs never catch it even if exposed. We are optimistic that that will be the case with Sebastian.

4. Off to San Antonio tomorrow night. Saturday's forecast calls for a record high of 98. Ugh.

Weekend recap

In addition to bringing Hunter home, I had a very busy (and fun!) weekend.

Friday night MM and I drove down to Tucson to join K and several other friends for a performance at the Gaslight Theatre. I hadn't been to anything there since probably my first or second year of law school, and it was a lot of fun. MM doesn't even like live theater (and hates musicals), and he enjoyed it, too, to his surprise.

It was fun to see K and celebrate her birthday with her. We also enjoyed seeing the others friends there and chatting with friends L and M, who graciously allowed us to spend the night at their house so that we wouldn't have to drive back to Phoenix at 11:00 p.m.

Saturday morning, MM and I visited M at the home of her adoptive parents. Her adoption is not a "done deal" yet, but M is now spending every weekend with the Ls, from Friday night through Monday morning. She will continue with this routine for the next few weeks, until school ends for the year, at which time she will move in with the Ls full-time.

I was looking forward to meeting Mr. and Mrs. L. Everything I've heard about them is positive, and Mrs. L and I had talked on the phone, but it was nice to actually meet them face-to-face. M seemed content at their house and showed us around with great pride. She loves her bedroom--which has been specially painted with "fairy dust" and Tinkerbell and decorated with Hannah Montana posters she chose--and knows the names of all four dogs.

MM also had a favorable impression of the Ls, which means a lot to me because I consider him to be, in many ways, a better judge of people than I. He is slightly more cynical, and because of his job, is used to evaluating people's veracity and sincerity. Whether because of his job or otherwise, he is far more observant about other people than I and will often notice things that I will not, or at least will notice them sooner.

On our way home, we picked up Hunter in Tempe. As I have blogged about his first days in our home at length in another post, suffice it to say that Saturday afternoon and evening were mainly taken up with helping Hunter adjust to our home, save an hour or so to grab dinner at Red Robin.

Sunday morning, the dogs had me up by 6:30, and I could not go back to sleep (rare for me). Although I was tired, being awakened so early had the unintended consequence of allowing me to do the majority of my household chores before leaving for a bridal shower at 11:30. In fact, I got more down before 9:00 a.m. on Sunday than I often get done all day on Sundays!

The surprise bridal shower (interesting concept, right?) for a coworker took place at a local thoroughbred race track called Turf Paradise. I had never been there before and had quite a good time, despite losing all of the $12 I wagered. We were inside in the air conditioning--a must when the high temp is in the 90s--and had a yummy lunch while watching the racing.

After the shower, I was able to relax at home for a couple of hours with my latest read (In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto) before heading out to meet BFF KC for dinner. Sunday was KC's birthday, and I really wanted to celebrate with her! (She doesn't usually make a big deal out of her birthday, but I subscribe to a different philosophy on that issue.) We had a yummy dinner at one of her favorite restaurants, and then were in time to catch a showing of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (we both love Matthew McConaughey).

While I was home relaxing and out to dinner, MM was out with his parents for an early Mothers Day dinner because we will be in San Antonio next Sunday. He returned home around the same time my movie started and took the boys to the park for their nightly exercise.

All in all, a great weekend.

Hunter is here!

Hunter is adjusting to life in our home. From the time we picked him up at around 1:30 on Saturday afternoon until he fell asleep long after midnight, he panted nearly non-stop and slobbered profusely. Sebastian is not a drooler, so I could see that MM was frankly disgusted by this. I figured the excessive slobbering and panting was just due to nerves, and I was right. By Saturday morning, both had subsided considerably.

Sebastian and Hunter played and wrestled constantly from the time they met in the park up to and past bedtime on Saturday night. They took turns humping one another, though to be fair, I will say that Sebastian started that. They would stop and rest for 2-3 minutes and then start playing again.

Both dogs awoke early on Sunday morning tired and much more subdued than the day before. I think they were worn out from Saturday! I didn't see them wrestling at all on Sunday.

Hunter has had only one "accident" in the house: he peed in the kitchen on Saturday afternoon. Once I caught him in the act and redirected him to the backyard with a "no," he has been using the doggy door faithfully and doing all his business outside. We have worked out feeding time. Hunter seems to be settling in (though he is still far more "alert" to our activities than Sebastian, who knows our routines).

Hunter is super sweet. He loves petting and seeks it out even more than Sebastian, something I didn't really think was possible. LOL

Hunter is just a smidge taller than Sebastian, but has a much more typical Golden Retriever body type: he has a broader head and chest, and though he is not overweight, probably outweighs Sebastian by 10-15 pounds. He reminds me of a big, cuddly teddy bear.

Unless he is sleeping soundly, Hunter follows Sebastian or me around all the time. He is a little wary of MM. We had been told that he seemed a little nervous around men, and it's true. We think that his previous owner, a man, likely yelled at him and perhaps even hit him. If MM makes what Hunter perceives to be a sudden move, Hunter will cringe and cower.

Hunter has also been startled by what we'd consider some normal household sounds, like the air conditioner kicking on. A baseball player on MM's 50-inch big screen TV took him by surprise and led to some investigation of the TV (including sniffing behind the set, which Sebastian does if he hears a cat on TV). He doesn't seem to like the vacuum--will walk away if it comes near him--but that's not uncommon.

We were told that Hunter likes to fetch tennis balls, and that's true, too. MM is very happy to finally have a retriever who fetches. He is more than willing to give Hunter time to overcome his nervousness of him, too.

Actually, MM has been trying to avoid petting the dogs too much because he doesn't want to aggravate his allergies. If MM's allergies get too bad, we won't be able to keep Hunter. But so far so good.

Here are a few photos of our new boy.


Here he is in our dining area on Sunday. What a sweet face!


Wrestling with Sebastian on his first day here


The boys while MM was on the internet and I was practicing the keyboard last night. The spare bedroom we use for our home office is small, but they both managed to find somewhere to lie down in there.



Wrestling this morning