Feeling down

217.6

I have had a couple of days of feeling pretty low. Usually I can snap myself out of these moods within a few hours or so by reflecting upon all the good things in my life (which are many). These past two days, though, that hasn't been working. So I thought that perhaps writing down all the reasons life's got me down this week might help me break out of my funk.

**My right forearm. I posted photos of the bruising to my arm as a result of Hunter's bite, but I haven't really written anything more about it. The bruising and swelling are 90% resolved, but something is wrong with my arm. I cannot extend it fully now without pain, and I have a hard, painful lump under the skin a couple of inches from the bend of my arm, as well as some smaller lumps in the area. I am beginning to think that I have a muscle or tendon tear of some type, and I am afraid that I am going to need surgery to fix it. (It has been two weeks and it certainly isn't getting better on its own.)

I have pain in the area with the lumps, particularly with certain movements, and often a feeling of tightness and/or pulling there also. Given that I am very right-hand-dominant, this has adversely affected my daily life.

I have an appointment with my PCP at 1:00 today. Not sure what he can do for something like this, but I'm hoping that he can at least get the ball rolling by ordering some tests and referring me to a specialist if intervention is needed.

I have never had any kind of surgery in my life and have never had general anesthesia. When you consider that fact along with my prior career as a hospital nurse and my current career as a medical malpractice attorney, I think it's easy to see why the thought of any type of surgery scares the sh1t out of me.

**Money. I earn a decent salary and usually have a fair amount of discretionary income. . . . at least in comparison to other times in my life. For the past two years, that has meant that I can take the occasional trip without going into debt, buy clothes when I need them, eat out when I want, and get massages, pedicures, and the like. Since July 3, I have spent nearly $1000 of my own money on Hunter-related expenses. (The total would be $1300, but $300 came out of our joint account.) And with today's doctor's appointment and the uncertainty about what will be necessary to fix whatever is wrong with my arm, that total is only going to increase.

I am thankful that I at least have the money to spend, but spending it has left me pretty tapped out for spending money for the next couple of months. In my current job over the past nearly-two years, I have grown used to not really worrying a lot about money and being able to spend within reason. I don't like this feeling of being strapped for cash. I have been trying to pay off the little bit of credit card debt that I have and save. These unexpected expenses are not helping.

**My weight and out-of-control, less-than-healthful eating. (Though the scale is inexplicably lower this morning, despite eating all three meals out yesterday. Weird.)

**Work. Lord knows, in this economy, I am happy just to have a job (and one that pays me a decent salary; see above). But having said that, I have been working on nothing but the most boring crap of late! Civil practice is fairly dry in general--the majority of most days is spent reading, writing, and, well, thinking--but I haven't even been to a deposition in two weeks. Plus I have had two ongoing research projects which are BORING AS HELL, and I am thoroughly sick of them. I am trying to write a motion in another case and have hit a major writer's block. . . . which is not helped by the fact that there is no real deadline for the motion. I am tired of sitting alone in my office and really missing my days as a prosecutor.

**Hunter. As I am writing this post, MM called to let me know the results of his follow-up vet visit, and the news is not good. Apparently the poor lamb has no feeling whatsoever in his tail. This problem was one of the potential complications of his tail fracture. He has another visit in two weeks, and if his sensation isn't returned, he will have to have his tail amputated. Otherwise gangrene could set in and be potentially life-threatening.