The Maid of Honor Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLM) Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience, you are The Maid of Honor. Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch"--and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you. We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect...so you can respect yourself. Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.
204.4 The scale makes no sense to me. As previously noted here, I have been off the South Beach eating plan for about a week. I have not exactly been eating with reckless abandon, but I have not been very mindful about healthful eating either. I haven't gotten to go to the gym since last Tuesday. In spite of all this, the scale was lower this morning than when I left for San Francisco. Weird. This morning I put on a pair of pants I bought just after Christmas which I have not worn in a few weeks. They fit perfectly when I bought them (& the last time I wore them) and are now loose: I keep having to pull them up. So I am definitely getting smaller, whether the scale is moving or not. Onward and upward today: I ate my bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch with 1% milk this morning and had a skinny hazelnut latte on the way to work. I brought a South Beach entree for lunch and have plans for a healthy dinner of salad with tofu and pizza on whole wheat crust. MM and I are going to the gym to make up for missing last night; Tuesdays & Thursdays are our usual nights to work out together. I'm glad to be back and getting back into a normal routine. I have a sh1tload to do at work; it's frickin' unbelievable. I have already cancelled my haircut and massage I'd scheduled for Saturday because I am planning on spending the entire day working. I have six assignments due next week; four are pleadings that must be filed with courts. All my work is reviewed by the partner assigned to the case before it goes out, so I need to have a couple of these projects done before Monday. Because I will be in a deposition tomorrow morning and two depositions all of Friday afternoon, I won't have much other time to get stuff done. Ugh. On that note: gotta get back to work! ;-)
205.8 (not bad, could’ve been worse)
I’m typing this as I’m on a flight to San Francisco and will post it once I check in to my hotel and have wireless internet access. I’m going to San Francisco because I’ll be attending a deposition this afternoon and two more depositions tomorrow before flying back to Phoenix tomorrow evening. The witnesses for these depositions are the plaintiff, his mother, and a family friend in one of my more interesting medical malpractice cases; I’m actually looking forward to them because I think they will probably be interesting. Also, after spending so much time working on this case, I’m just curious to see them face-to-face. I am not the attorney taking the lead on the depositions, so that’s less stressful for me, too.
It’s also fun to visit a different city. Although I’ve been to SF before, it’s been about six years. I won’t have much time to explore, but a change of scene is nice. Though I am leaving a shitload of work I could be doing behind in the office these two days. Ah well.
I once again had a busy weekend. Friday night, MM and I went to dinner, then decided we were both too tired for a late movie and just hung out at his house instead. Saturday morning, Mom and I went to brunch, then to my office for a couple of hours where she helped me with some file organization I’d been putting off.
Saturday night I drove up to Tucson to attend friend L’s bachelorette party. The party was fun, and it was good to see several friends/acquaintances from my old job. I stayed out really late for me: past midnight! ;) I limited myself to four drinks, despite the temptation to have more, and I was still tired the next day. (Did I mention that two of the drinks were a Jello shot in the shape of a penis—complete with testicles—and a “blow job”?)
I stayed with my friend M at my old house in Tucson, who woke me up early on Sunday (at my request) so that we could chat before she headed out for the day. (We knew it would probably be the only chance we’d have to see each other and talk while I was in town.)
Mid-morning on Sunday I picked up my CASA child M for an outing. Because Friday was M’s 8th birthday, I let her choose what we would do; she wanted to see the Hannah Montana concert movie. Between the movie and the toys I bought her, I think she was happy with how the day turned out. ;)
I drove home to Phoenix in the late afternoon. Within an hour of arriving home, MM came to take Mom and me out to dinner and a movie. We enjoyed our dinner, but didn’t much care for the movie, Be Kind Rewind. But MM couldn’t complain much because it was his suggestion. LOL
So that was my weekend. In addition to drinking alcohol on Saturday night, I didn’t eat very well. Not huge amounts, but I have definitely not been following the South Beach plan: I didn’t eat a single meal at home, the only vegetables I had all weekend were in my salad at last night’s dinner, and trips to Arby’s and McDonald’s were some of my meals. Ugh. While I am out of town today and tomorrow, I am going to try to get back on track; I really have no reason not to. I’m going to work out at the hotel’s gym this evening, and MM and I are going to go to LA Fitness together on Wednesday and Thursday nights when I return.
I’m lucky that Mom is in town for this trip because she is taking care of Sebastian for me. The poor boy has been sadly neglected by me over the past few days; I know he’s glad that “Grandma De” is here to fill the void. He looked very sad when he saw me leaving this morning.
That’s my life in a nutshell. I’ve been too busy to do much deep thinking of late: I have lots of irons in the fire at work, and the things I’m working on generally require focused attention. Even my drives to and from Tucson were not times for quiet reflection because I used the time to call friends I haven’t talked with in weeks and catch up.
It’s ironic, too, that I’ve been particularly busy of late because I was finally beginning to feel some motivation to get my apartment organized and decluttered. But it’s pretty hard to do that when you aren’t even sleeping at home four nights out of a week.
I’m happy with my life. I sometimes think, though, that it’s so full now, between work, MM, my friends, my family, and my volunteer work with CASA, that I really don’t have time for anything else. Yet in spite of this thought, I am planning to take on more volunteering as a pet therapy team with Sebastian and even contemplate having a child in the not-so-distant future. Oh well. I suppose, like anyone else, I will somehow manage to find a way to juggle all the things I want to do. It’s hard to imagine how I will continue to be a good employee, daughter/sister, friend, and girlfriend if I have a child, though.
204.4 (was 205.8 yesterday) I stayed home from work yesterday because I woke up with GI distress. I worked a couple of hours from home in the afternoon, but really couldn't get much done because I hadn't brought much work home with me. Well, there was PLENTY waiting for me when I got to the office this morning! I spent most of today preparing documents relevant to a court order we received yesterday afternoon while I was out; we have a short turnaround time and governmental clients, so I really had to get the ball rolling ASAP. One thing I dislike about being a lawyer (compared to being a nurse): taking a day off is a bitch. All my work waits for me when I'm out of the office. At the hospital, you could take vacation or a sick day, and someone else would do your work (take care of patients) in your stead; I never came back to work and had things piled up. Ah well. It's been overcast and gray here all day: a very un-Arizona-like day overall. I never complain about cooler weather here, though, because I know I will have all the warmth I want and more all summer long. I have been off the wagon with South Beach since Wednesday night. Not sure what came over me. MM wanted to order pizza, and I joined him in that. I've done that once or twice before since starting SB, but this time I've gone beyond that one meal and continued to eat carbs & sugar (I had a piece of chocolate cake for breakfast today). This next few days will be a challenge eating-wise: I have a bachelorette party tomorrow night, Chuck E. Cheese's on Sunday, and travel Monday and Tuesday. Also, I probably won't get much exercise in: I may hit the gym in the morning (if I'm not a lazy slug) and on Monday night at the hotel (if I'm not too swamped with work), but that'll probably be it. [sigh] On a positive note, Sebastian is going to become a therapy dog! I attended an informational session last night for a local group called Gabriel's Angels; volunteers visit abused & neglected children in crisis nurseries, domestic violence shelters, and group homes. The requirements may take a while to complete, but are not terribly arduous, and I think he will enjoy it: he loves giving love to everyone he meets, and he is terrific with kids. I'm out.
204.0 Considering my mom and I had Mexican food for dinner last night--and everything I ate had a ton of melted cheese on it--I'm not too disappointed with this morning's scale reading. It does seem that I am not going to be getting under 200 lbs any time soon, though. MM and I are going to the gym this evening. (I went last night, too.) I'm looking forward to seeing him! We will probaby get dinner at Chipotle after, unless he changes his mind and decides he wants something else. ;-) I'm not really in the mood to be at the office today. Maybe it's because I was off the past four days. Oh well. I may cut out early and work at home for a few hours. It's a gorgeous day today: high 60s/low 70s, sunny with just a few high clouds. Lovely. Gotta get back to working on a lovely motion. . . . .
203.6
My office was closed today, so I didn't have to go to work. I'd intended to work some from home, but that didn't happen--ah well. My calendar tomorrow is literally empty--no appointments or deadlines--so I can probably get mostly caught up even though I did nothing today.
Mom and I saw Definitely, Maybe with Mike's mom today, then had lunch at Claim Jumper. We had fun; I liked the movie.
Yesterday Mom and I took Sebastian to the dog park. He made several friends there and played a lot. One dog in particular didn't leave Sebastian's side for about 45 minutes; even when Sebastian would lie down to rest, this dog ("Floyd") would lie down with him. . . . on top of him, actually. It was really cute:
 Sebastian is still exhausted today from his hour or so at the dog park yesterday. I guess he really isn't a puppy anymore. :-(
MM took me to dinner last night at The Melting Pot for a late Valentine's celebration. I enjoyed it. We were in a little private booth with curtains around it and everything. . . . very romantic. ;-) He really went all out for Valentine's Day, I will say: in addition to my dozen red roses and the romantic dinner, he also got me a 60-minute massage at the spa of a local world-class resort. My roses still look gorgeous; two are fully open now and smell great. I can't wait to enjoy my massage!
I spent almost an hour today "decluttering" my wardrobe. I got rid of a bunch of things that no longer fit or that I'm tired of; I gave about 10-12 items to my mom and am giving almost 50 to Goodwill. It felt really good to purge my closets and unpack a few boxes I hadn't touched since 2-3 moves ago! It did highlight, however, how I am lacking some key basics in a size that currently fits me. (Based on all the clothes I tried on today, I'm a solid 16 at the moment.) Now I'm going to have to go shopping at some point in the near future. . . . . oh well. I went to the gym this evening. It felt good to get a workout in. I will only be able to go to the gym on Tuesday evening this week because of other commitments the other nights. Maybe I will go Saturday morning, too, to get my three days in.
203.4 The scale remains over 200, in spite of my efforts. Whatever. Mom and I are in Pearland, just outside Houston, Texas, for my friend D's wedding. The wedding went off uneventfully this evening. We'll be visiting D and her family at home tomorrow morning, then heading back to the airport before noon to catch our flight back to Phoenix. It's been raining since we got here; it was misting/drizzling when we landed and pouring by the time we got back to our hotel tonight. MM says it was raining today in Phoenix, too, though just a light rain. I'd thought I might work out at the fitness center in our hotel, but I forget to bring my workout clothes and shoes. Oh well. Maybe I will hit the gym tomorrow afternoon upon my return if we're on time and I'm not too tired. I can hardly believe it, but I never had coffee today! I had about 12 oz of diet Coke and no other caffeine. I had a little headache for a while in the afternoon, but overall the caffeine withdrawal wasn't as bad as I'd feared. I'm glad I was able to be here for D's wedding.
202.4 In honor of one of my favorite bloggers ( www.snackiepoo.com), I'm posting for Self-Love Day today. I'll post one thing I love about myself, and readers who wish to do so can post one thing they love about me, too. One thing I love about myself is that I am self-aware. I know my flaws, and I keep thinking about ways of trying to improve myself. Yes, I fall down often, but I get back up and try again. No one is perfect, and I believe that there's no glory in only taking pride in our native gifts; the struggle is part of our purpose.
203.4 (better) The scale is back to where I might expect to see it this morning. Is it possible that, after my eating on Sunday, it took three days for my weight to return to normal? Who knows. I had a good eating day yesterday and did 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer (with my heart rate in the aerobic range). I'm driving to Yuma today for a deposition and a court hearing. It's over three hours each way. Mom is going along for the ride. After court, I'm having dinner with friends F and T. I haven't seen them since last March: they moved away from Tucson the same weekend that SL and I broke up. I really like them, though in some ways I always considered F to be a closer friend of SL's than of mine; F would have been SL's best man at our wedding. In any event, the road trip will be nice; I'll bill a lot of hours for today, between the depo, hearing, and travel; and it'll be fun to see F and T (and their 13-month-old son). Seven plus hours of driving would be kind of boring if Mom weren't going with me. Poor Sebastian is going to be alone all day. He has gotten quite used to "Grandma De" spending at least part of each day with him. MM is coming by after work to feed and walk him, as we will be back very late (likely after 11:00). MM sent me a dozen long-stemmed red roses for Valentine's Day! They arrived at my office yesterday, and they're gorgeous. He says this is "the first half" of my gift, so I can't imagine what else he's getting me. What a sweetie. We went to the gym last night and to IHOP for dinner with Mom, as planned. He's wonderful! ;-)
205.0 (whatever) The scale remains up, but I'm not going to focus on it today. All I can do is make healthy food choices each day and exercise; the weight loss will eventually come if I keep doing those things. I ate at home last night and had a healthful meal, and Mom and I took the dog for a walk around the neighborhood, so yesterday was a good day. I really don't feel much like working today, which is bad because I have quite a few things I need to get done. Ah well. I'll snap out of it shortly, I'm sure. One of the downsides of private practice: unlike when I worked for the government, I don't have the luxury of doing nothing all day, even for one day. MM and I are going to the gym this evening after work. Mom saw an ad on TV for free pancakes at IHOP today, so she is determined to go there for dinner. Pancakes are definitely not on my list of South Beach-compliant foods, but I'll just order something else, I guess. Not much else exciting to report. Friday morning, Mom and I fly to Houston for my friend D's wedding; we'll be flying back the following afternoon. MM and I are going to a hockey game on Saturday night, then to The Melting Pot on Sunday for a late Valentine's celebration. Monday my office is closed for Presidents' Day, so Mom and I are going to a movie with MM's mom (Definitely, Maybe). Just gotta get through the week. . . .
205.2
I ate a lot of "forbidden" carbs yesterday, and I believe that's why the scale is up this morning. I had a regular caffe mocha with sugar, pizza for lunch, and a chocolate muffin and two chocolate chip cookies with dinner. I may well be a little dehydrated, too, as we did a lot of walking outside (and it was close to 80 degrees), and I didn't drink much water until dinner.
I had a busy and fun weekend. Friday night Mom and I had dinner at Pei Wei; later I went over to MM's and spent the night. Saturday Mom, KC, and I drove to Wickenburg for a local festival. The trip itself turned out to be something of a bust, but it was still good to spend time with KC, and we saw some beautiful country.
Saturday evening MM and I went out for BBQ, then back to his place to watch a movie (we turned it off halfway through because it moved too slowly).
Sunday late morning, Mom, MM, and I met my friend KH and her mom for a historic home tour in KH's neighborhood (her house was built in 1930). The home tour was really cool; there was also an associated street fair. We all enjoyed ourselves; even MM, who went more to humor me than because he wanted to. It was a gorgeous day: sunny, clear, 77 degrees.
Another fun part of Sunday was seeing KH's baby son, who is not-quite-7-months-old. He's a real cutie. He was very interested in MM's baseball cap and kept trying to pull it off. First time I've seen MM interact with a baby.
I found out this morning that I'll be going to Yuma on Wednesday for a deposition. I've invited Mom to go along for a road trip: I figure she can go to the mall while I'm at the depo. My first-ever trip to Yuma. I may try to meet friends F and T, who now live in Yuma, for dinner while we're there, too.
202.6 (yes) I was a little concerned before I hopped on the scale this morning because I ate out last night, and that often translates to a (temporary) "gain" for me. I made a healthy choice--pizza with a whole-wheat crust and a salad with tofu--but I still thought I might see a higher number this morning. So I'm psyched! I can't wait to get under 200. I know, I know. . . . it shouldn't be all about the scale. But seeing a lower number always seems to give a mental boost. Because today is casual Friday, I'm wearing my favorite jeans to work. They are definitely getting loose on me. . . . which on the one hand makes me happy, because it's clear evidence of weight losss. . . . but on the other hand is a bummer because it means I may have to buy new jeans some time soon. Typical workday. I'm glad it's almost the weekend.
203.6
I'm at a deposition this morning. I'm glad to be out of the office; I have been writing or doing research all week, and it was getting a little old. The plaintiffs' attorney is long-winded, which is boring but also means a longer deposition and thus more time out of the office.
I'm feeling pretty well today. Still a little cough, but overall I seem to be coughing less. I'll be going to the gym with MM this evening, and I'm looking forward to it.
After the gym, MM is taking Mom and me to dinner. We will probably get pizza; I'm hoping we will go to a little place that offers whole wheat crust and salads with tofu.
I hope MM and Mom like each other. I'm sure it'll be fine.
Why is it so difficult and slow to lose weight? I've been following SB Phase 2, eating veggies, drinking lots of water, went to the gym on Tuesday, walked the dog the past two evenings, and still the scale is staying about the same: just under 205. When I was gaining weight, I know it came on more quickly then this; I gained about 15 lbs in less than 3 months leading up to my planned wedding to SL alone.
Ah well. I guess I should count my blessings that my constant battle with weight is my only physical struggle: I don't have asthma, allergies, diabetes, drug addiction, or mental illness. Well, and my migraines, but they are not frequent, thank God.
I will say this: eating the way I have been over the past 4+ weeks, my energy level has been much higher and more constant. Going along with that, I've also felt a lot clearer mentally. I occasionally have an urge to eat chocolate, and I still think longingly of cake, brownies, and the like, but I wouldn't say I crave them; the urges are totally mental, not physical at all. I genuinely feel that I could continue to eat this way indefinitely.
I've also really enjoyed getting back to the gym. In fact, I was quite bummed when my bronchitis derailed my gym routine. MM provides good motivation for me on the exercise front because he's so dedicated; when we have plans to go to the gym together, I never consider skipping.
The view I'm taking now of the whole diet/exercise thing is that I am going to have to make daily efforts for life. I'm interested to see what effect my improved diet and increased exercise will have on my cholesterol levels when I go back to the doctor in July. Obviously, I hope that my efforts will get my numbers into a healthy range. I'd also like to look better, but this time appearance is definitely secondary in my mind.
And as I have mentioned before on this blog, one of my reasons for wanting to lose weight and improve my general is to increase my chances of a healthy pregnancy some day. I'm still not entirely sure that a pregnancy is in my future. . . but just in case.
Gotta pay attention now. . .
204.8 (but I forgot to weigh before eating) The scale is up again this morning, but I refuse to stress about it because I had finished breakfast before I realized that I hadn't weighed yet. I don't think weighing after eating gives an accurate weight. I still can't shake my frickin' cough. It's really annoying. I honestly don't know how I would live with asthma or allergies; if I coughed like this all the time, it would drive me nuts. As it is, it's been less than a week since I finished antibiotics for my bronchitis, so it's not unexpected that some cough lingers. Luckily I don't cough at night, so it's not disturbing my sleep, but it bugs me during the day. Well, one good thing about my cough: it encourages me to drink extra water because I am constantly thinking that moistening my throat will make me cough less. MM and I went to the gym last night, and I did 28 minutes on the elliptical trainer (people were waiting). I used the elliptical trainer that uses the upper body also, so I didn't lift weights, too. My cough actually wasn't that bad while I was working out, and overall I felt pretty good. It was good to get back into the gym routine. For some unknown reason, I had some lower GI distress yesterday evening before and during my workout, so that was unpleasant, but it didn't interfere with my eating dinner at Chipotle after the gym. MM and I will hit the gym tomorrow night again, too. I took Sebastian for a 20-minute walk with my mom before the gym yesterday and plan to do the same this evening. The boy needs his exercise, and it's good for Mom and me to get out and walk, too. Work is blah. I have stuff to do, but I'm not working on anything that I'd classify as interesting. Ah well. MM told me today on the phone that he is going to use part of his half-day off tomorrow to get my Valentine's gift. He won't tell me what it is, but apparently it is going to take him some time to "arrange" it. Hmmm. I guess a surprise will be fun.
203.8 OK, so I guess yesterday's scale reading wasn't as accurate as I had hoped. Yesterday was an average eating day for me, and I drank a ton of water. I also felt good, so today's weight may be more accurate--who knows. MM and I are going to the gym this evening. I haven't worked out since 1/25, so I'm looking forward to getting back on track. I am totally recovered from my bronchitis, except for a lingering occasional cough; nothing that should adversely affect my workout, though. I am down 11 lbs since starting South Beach on 1/2, so that's something to be happy about. If I could lose just half that much each month, I could weigh what I should weigh before the end of this year. I am primarily exercising and dieting this time because of my health, so any progress I make is good. I'll be interested to see how much weight I can lose--and what effect it will have on my cholesterol levels--between now and early July when I go back to the doctor. I wore some size 14 pants to work yesterday, too, so I am obviously getting smaller. . . . albeit not as quickly as I'd like. Today's pants are size 16 and a little loose on me. So I'm getting there. Today the sun is out again, which is nice. It's rare for us to have a day without sunshine here. I don't mind a gloomy, gray day once in a while, but I don't like a steady diet of them. (If I did, I'd live in Seattle or Cork instead of Phoenix!) Here's hoping for a good workout!
201.8 (yippee) Very happy with the number on the scale this morning. I'm thinking it's probably pretty accurate: my eating was average all weekend, I shouldn't be dehydrated, and my period is over. Time will tell, I suppose. If this is a true reading, I should be under 200 very soon. MM and I (along with some friends of his) hung out down by the arena yesterday since the Super Bowl was in town. It was fun hearing all the live music and seeing the fans milling around. We got a really funny photo with some folks dressed as Patriots. Later we returned to MM's place to watch the actual game, which was exciting, even for those of us who didn't care about the outcome. The only downside of my weekend was that I started getting a headache when the game started, and it developed into a migraine. (Not sure what triggered it: I drank less than half a beer a few hours before, so maybe that did it.) Imitrex & ibuprofen did not get rid of my migraine, so I ended up going to bed at 9:00. I felt 100% again this morning, though, thank goodness. I'm just as in love with MM as ever! He's a great guy. He discovered this weekend that I have this blog; he was using my BlackBerry to access espn.com and saw the url. He was very curious to read it, but didn't when I asked him not to. He did ask that I not post his photo or real name on here because of his job, so I will honor that request. Mom is here. We had our outing with MM's mom on Saturday, and it went well. It's cloudy and rainy here today. I never complain about cooler weather here, though, because the summers are so long and brutal. Back to work!
203.2 (yes!) I am not a particularly political person. Pressed to identify my views, I would likely say that I am a Democrat and a liberal, though I'm mostly more middle-of-the-road and am registered as an independent. Goodness knows, I have several friends who are quite liberal. . . . letting me know that I am not that far left in my views. The first presidential election I voted in was the 1992 election: George HW Bush v. Bill Clinton. I voted for Clinton in 1992 and again in 1996. I LOVED Bill Clinton. I have not yet decided for whom I will vote in this year's presidential election, but when MM called me yesterday to ask if I wanted to go hear Bill Clinton speak--he was in town campaigning for Hillary--I jumped at the chance. MM and I went to hear him speak, and I enjoyed it. I still love Bill Clinton. I wish he could run for president again. On our way home from the rally, I had this thought: if I were with SL, last night's outing never would have happen. As a conservative, SL would never have suggested going to see Bill Clinton speak; he wouldn't even have been willing to go had I suggested it. One of many nice things about having a liberal Democrat boyfriend. ;-) My mom finally arrived last night just before we left for the rally. It'll be good to have her here. I was pretty psyched about the number on the scale this morning. . . . particularly given the fact that I ate dinner after 10:00 p.m. last night at In N Out Burger. (I had my burger "protein style"--no bun--but I did eat half an order of french fries.) If I weigh 203.2 while I'm on my period, after not working out for a week and having In N Out the night before, I must be pretty darn close to 200. In a way, it's really sad that my weight loss goal at the moment is simply to weigh less than 200 lbs. . . . . but hey, baby steps. I'm also looking forward to fitting into my size 14 clothes again. A few items fit at the moment, and my size 16 stuff is getting loose, but I'm not quite to size 14 yet. Had MM and I not gone to the Clinton rally last night, I would've gone to the gym. I finally felt up to it. Perhaps I will go tonight after work. . . . maybe not, though, because Mom is expecting to go to dinner with me. Saturday morning, maybe? Busy weekend ahead. I'll be eating out a lot, so I just hope I can make good food choices.
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