Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Where's a harpoon?

When I started this blog, I thought it would be a good way to track weight loss, among other things. Instead it has turned out to be a way to track weight GAIN.

This morning I weighed 220. That's right. I am now 8 lbs OVER the weight at which I started Weight Watchers back in January 2003.

I really feel like just throwing up my hands and saying fuck it. I have been exercising (intermittently), I have not changed my eating habits for the worse, and yet my weight just continues to go up, up, up.

I see my doctor next Monday and plan to discuss stopping the Zoloft I am taking. I truly believe that it is 90% responsible for this weight gain. However, even if I get off the Zoloft, I am already 220! When I think back to how much hard effort it took to lose weight back in 2003, it makes me want to cry. I just don't think I have it in me to put forth that kind of effort. I literally thought about food & exercise most of every day back in 2003; for me, it takes that measure of focus to lose weight. I have too many other things going on now to make Weight Watchers & exercise my #1 priority.

Anyway. . . just venting.

1 comments:

Valerie said...

I am sorry you're so discouraged. :( I really hope your doc is able to offer you a drug that has better/fewer side effects.

I know it's easy for me to be all "rah rah" about it (especially since I can eat for 2 if I want to ;)), but try to think of it as dedicating the energy/time to YOU. You were so incredibly devoted to/successful on WW twice (post-(bad)Darren and in '03)--it has been an inspiration to me. I've always thought WW itself didn't really require *that* much extra effort--you're lunch-packing and grocery shopping anyway--why not pick healthy stuff? I just like that WW has the weigh-in/journaling accountability. You could even write about it here!

Anyway, I love you and want you to be happy. Your doc will help you get there "upstairs" and then you can work on the rest of you. :)