Awkwardness re marital status

Odd comment from my sister V this morning on the telephone. She said that my father told her that SL & I are getting married! He based this information on a brief conversation during this past weekend's visit. That conversation went something like this:

Dad: So, have you & (SL) talked about marriage?

Me: We've talked about it, as far as when & where we'd do it if we decide to do it. And we both think our relationship is probably headed that way eventually.

Dad: Well, I don't see an engagement ring, ha ha ha.

Me: Well (SL) is not impulsive and likes to take things slowly, so it would probably take him more than 16 months to make that kind of decision. It took him almost 3 months just to ask me for a date.

Stepmom: But you HAVE talked about marriage?

Me: Yes

(Nodding all around)

That was pretty much the extent of it. And from that he got the impression that we are going to get married. Interesting.

V was 99% sure it wasn't true because she knows I would definitely tell her before Dad if I got engaged. We both had a little chuckle over it, actually. I told her I think that Stepmom initiated this conversation because she is bothered by the fact that SL & I "live in sin." Because she & Dad were letting us sleep in the same room at their house, I think it made her feel better to believe we are thisclose to getting married.

I am 35 years old and have never been married. (I've never even been engaged, though I have lived with one other man besides SL, had 3 bona fide marriage proposals, and had one other relationship at age 28/29 that I thought would lead to marriage.) Believe it or not, the fact that I am never-married is not a big deal to me. I will admit that there have been times in my adult life that I have despaired of ever marrying and have been very bothered by my single status. But I had some kind of mental shift during law school, in my early 30s, and now I am fine with the idea of never getting married. I love SL and am very happy with our relationship. But to be honest, aside from his expressed desire that we be married before we have a child, I really don't care whether we marry or not.

The way I see it, SL & I have a good, healthy relationship as is. I am not a church-going person who is bothered by our current arrangement, nor are any of the people close to me (with the notable exception of my stepmom & perhaps my dad). I am not financially dependent on SL, nor is he on me. I don't really see what getting married would add to our relationship. We already have a commitment; neither of us is going anywhere. And I think each of us would want to retain a certain degree of independence & autonomy in certain areas of our lives, even we did marry: I know *I* would, after 35 years of singlehood.

I know from the experience of friends and from my own parents that the simple act of getting legally married doesn't guarantee that your relationship will last. The commitment happens in your mind and in your heart or not at all; having a formal ceremony just puts the world on notice of it and makes things legal. It certainly seems to give an air of legitimacy to your relationship in the eyes of many people.

I have felt a lot of "peer pressure" to marry ever since we moved in together last October, but particularly since our relationship passed the one-year mark. . . closely followed by my 35th birthday. Funny the expectations people have for us.

Just thought all this was interesting. . .