Halfway through 2006

219.0

As my title notes, today marks the halfway point for this year. I set three personal goals on January 1st:

1) Play fewer computer games
2) Organize home
3) Resume exercise & healthy eating to lose weight

What steps have I taken toward achieving these goals? What have I accomplished so far?

• I do definitely play on the computer less. I am averaging only 1-2 a week for less than 30 minutes each time. I have accomplished this through setting a timer when I play 90% of the time and reading more.
• I subscribe to flylady.net and get daily email reminders from them. My kitchen is cleaned before bed probably 5 nights out of 7, on average. I make the bed 2-3 days out of the week (up from zero on January 1st). I have begun s-l-o-w-l-y decluttering our guest room.
• On January 1st, I weighed 197 lbs. While on Zoloft, I gained a lot of weight; when I rejoined Weight Watchers last Tuesday (after stopping the Zoloft), I weighed in at 224.8. (That's 27.8 lbs gained in six months)
• On the positive side, I did rejoin WW last Tuesday. I have been following the program faithfully since then and lost 4.4 lbs my first week back.
• I have been exercising sporadically since January: I'm gung-ho for a week or two, then let the exercise slide. In the past 2 weeks, I have worked out 5 times (walking or elliptical trainer). I hope to continue to increase the frequency of my workouts.

Being on Zoloft has set me back tremendously on my third goal: rather than losing weight the first half of 2006, I gained almost 30 lbs! It is frustrating, but I am putting it behind me and focusing on the present & the future.

I still need to do more on getting organized, too. I have a couple of incentives now, too: I have mentioned my 10-year-old friend's visit 3 weeks from today, and that is one incentive. As of yesterday, there is another as well. . . .

About a month ago, on a whim, I noticed that one could apply on-line for a job in a neighboring municipality's prosecutor's office. I have been pretty content at work since December and not actively seeking other employment. When I saw how simple the application process was for "Other County," I sent in a resume.

I received a call yesterday from Other County's HR department asking me to set up an interview. I now have an interview on Thursday, July 20th at 2:00.

Before I write more about this, let me first clarify: I am NOT "counting my chickens before they're hatched" by thinking ahead. It's my nature to plan things and think them to death before they happen.

Having said that, if I get a job offer from Other County, I will probably take it, provided it is doing what I want to do (more on that in a minute). Which will mean a move of approximately 100 miles from my current home. By all accounts, Other County is a better office in which to work than the office in which I currently work; in any event, it is definitely a much larger office in a much larger city. Additionally, Other County's base salary is $4500/year more than my current salary. . . and I know I would make more than their base salary because I have been practicing law for a year-and-a-half and have done 19 jury trials and almost 100 bench trials. Because of the differing cultures & policies between the two agencies, it takes most lawyers in Other County 5-6 years to do that many trials.

I have several close friends in the county seat of Other County, too, including my best friend K. All would be thrilled for me to move there. I also lived there for a year when I was still a nurse, and I liked it. Where I currently live, I have several friends at work, but only 2 non-work friends. Most of my social life here consists of doing things with SL.

So we'll see what happens. SL & I have talked about it, and if I get an offer from Other County, he will seek employment there, too. But we will probably have to live apart for at least a couple of months if I get an offer and take the job. It'll take him time to find a position somewhere, and he will have to give a 30-day notice to his current employer.

Even though the salary in Other County is more than I currently make, I am not going to take a job there unless I can immediately handle felony trial cases, as I am already doing here. I spent a year of hell trying misdemeanor cases in the worst-possibly-imaginable work environment. I have no intention of returning to that, even for more money. I hope they won't want me to do that, but we'll see. If they do, I'll be declining any offer made.

Who knows? I may not even get an offer, but I think the odds are better than even that they will want to hire me: many of the attorneys Other County hires are straight out of law school, and compared to them, I am an experienced prosecutor. I also interview well. BUT I am just thinking ahead, not getting my hopes up. If I don't get the job, I will very contentedly stay in my current position and won't have all the hassle of relocating.

Ms. Cranky Pants

220.4

For some reason I woke up "on the wrong side of the bed" today. It could be because I didn't get home from the jail until after 11:00 p.m. and was too keyed up to go to sleep until after midnight. Last night was the fourth consecutive night I had to go to the jail in the evening to make bond recommendations at initial appearances; I think all those (relatively) late nights have caught up to me.

I sallied forth to a nearby coffee shop for a pick-me-up. In addition to a yummy iced cafe mocha (non-fat milk), I bought my favorite pastry there: a chocolate espresso scone. 10 points for the whole outing, but well worth it in my view, because I felt perkier since the sugar & caffeine have kicked in. :)

I've hardly seen SL this week because of having to drive down to the jail at 8:30 each evening. Monday I saw him for about 10 minutes before going to sleep; Tuesday the same (& when I got home, he had been drinking beer, which annoyed me: I hate for him to drink during the week!); and last night, too. He is going to cook us a yummy chicken & veggie stir-fry for dinner, and we may watch a movie we Netflixed (I'm voting for Proof). On the other hand, SL may want to watch the Mariners game; they've been playing the Diamondbacks. It'll be nice to relax.

Follow up on Tuesday night's weigh in

218.8

I weighed 220.4 at my first week weigh in for a loss of 4.4 lbs. I was pretty psyched.

As is typical, my successful first week has lead to increased motivation. I have had no trouble staying within my points the past two days, and I have been getting up early to walk.

Not too much else new going on here. I am exploring the possibility of getting a job at another prosecutorial agency in an adjacent county. It's early yet, though: I don't even know whether they are going to call me for an interview, although I think there is a high likelihood. . . since at least on paper I am quite qualified.

Looking forward to my 4-day weekend coming up!

End of first week back

219.2

I have my end-of-first-week weigh-in tonight at WW. I am optimistic that I will see a loss, though I doubt my weight at 7 pm will be what it was this morning. Aside from not eating enough fruits/veggies, I had a good week. I stayed within points (in other words, I didn't use more than my 35 flex points for the week); I walked 2 days for 30 minutes each and worked out on the elliptical 2 days, so a total of 4 days of exercise out of the 7; I ate very little chocolate (or, really, any empty calories); and I always drink lots & lots of water. I'm pretty happy with my performance so far. . . but I know it's early days yet. :)

Got up early today & walked Sebastian. He was SO happy. He saw several lizards & 2 bunnies, plus a yellow lab running the other way on the path. I certainly wish I had his zest for life. SL has said that if someone could discover the brain chemical that makes Sebastian so happy and bottle that chemical, he'd make millions of dollars.

Not that I am down or anything. In fact, I am feeling very good. Since stopping the Zoloft, I have a lot more energy. I'm sure it also helps that I have been exercising and eating better.

I stayed late at work last night and cleaned off my desk (which looked like a file cabinet had exploded on it). It was such a good feeling to walk in from court this morning and see an orderly desk! I have a to-do list written out and high hopes for getting lots accomplished.

Off now to pick up a big healthy salad for lunch. I will check in later with my weigh-in results.

Monday, Monday

219.0 (yes!)

I was happy to see my weight this morning. . . lowest number I've seen in a while! I'm sure my "official" weigh-in tomorrow evening will be higher (since it won't be first-thing-in-the-morning or naked), but I'm hoping I will post a loss. Keep that motivation going.

I am having no trouble staying within my points today, but I am not doing so well on the fruit/veggie front: I've had exactly zero servings of both. I have a healthy dinner working in the crockpot at home that will give me at least one serving of veg, but I am going to have to start making more of an effort on that part of the plan.

It would help if I had money! I checked my bank balance on-line this morning (as I do every morning because I am paranoid about fraud, prosecuting property crimes as I do) and realized I miscalculated and overdrew my account. Oops! So in addition to having less money than I thought until next payday (this Friday, June 30th), I also now owe overdraft fees. (sigh) You'd think at age 35 this would no longer be an issue.

I know lots of people in the world have it way worse than me, but it is more than a little frustrating to be my age, have 3 degrees, and still struggle financially. (SL is in the same boat; in fact, he has a lot more debt than I do & earns about the same salary, so he is worse off.) I know that money isn't everything, but the stress of worrying about how you are going to make it from paycheck to paycheck is not fun. Plus my relative poverty holds me back from doing things I really want to do, like buy a house & have a child. Anyway. . .

I debate looking for another job (because God knows I could be making more money somewhere else), but I like what I do & don't want to quit. SL wants to change jobs; he is just waiting for the end of a full year with his current employer because then he will get profit sharing. He's brought in plenty of money for his boss, so he ought to get something out of that.

SL suggested going to a movie tonight, so we are going to see Nacho Libre or Click (probably the former, if the timing works out). And that's my life.

17th anniversary

221.0

I had another pretty good WW day yesterday. I dipped into flex points again, but I also went and exercised on the elliptical trainer for 30 minutes & worked up a good sweat. I also managed to get in 4 servings of fruits/veggies, which is really good for me. (I know WW recommends a minimum of 5 servings of fruits/veggies daily, but I can rarely get to that. . . even back in 2003 when I successfully lost 35 lbs on WW.)

Today I slept in, but also went and worked out this afternoon (just got back). Yea me! I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, and another 6 minutes on the treadmill. . . plus about 5-6 minutes round trip walking to and from the workout room.

It's a hot one again today here, and it's partly cloudy & a little humid. Not to the level of humidity in, say, Houston or Virginia, but humid for here. (Humidity here is usually <20% all the time: it's a desert.)

I received an invitation to a baby shower for our friend A today. I hope I can attend. I'm also invited to a bridal shower the same day, but I am hoping to coordinate my schedule so that I can go to both.

I finished a couple of books this week: The Sinister Pig by Tony Hillerman, and The Nanny Diaries. I liked them both. The Nanny Diaries was a good fast read, but I couldn't relate at all to the Mrs. X character. . . I guess because I don't know any super-rich people like that. My reading plan for the weekend is to finish Guns, Germs, & Steel so that SL can read it; I've got about 50 pages to go.

Oh, the title of this post. Today marks seventeen years since I was installed as Grand Worthy Advisor of New Mexico Rainbow. (For those not familiar, Rainbow is a youth organization sponsored by the Masons; being G.W.A. is like being state president, but with more pomp & circumstance.) It's hard to believe this much time has passed! I was 18 then. Wow.

I totally ripped this off from someone else's blog, but decided to include it to keep today's post from being so b-o-r-i-n-g.

1) How old do you wish you were?
28, but only if I could still know everything I know now.

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I had just gotten out of the shower--getting ready to go to Torts at 9:00 a.m.--when a friend called to tell me what was going on. My first thought as I was standing buck-naked was "who the hell is calling me at 8 am?"

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Get pi$$ed, but then forget about it.

4) Do you consider yourself kind?
Um, most of the time. Especially to friends & family

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
I'd only get a tattoo if it were a question of life or death. And then I'd get a really small one where no one would ever see it.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be?
Spanish

7) Do you know your neighbors?
We know a few of them to say hi to, but I wouldn't say I know them.

8)What do you consider a vacation?
Traveling away from home and not having to work.

9) Do you follow your horoscope?
Nope. I do read it daily for amusement, though.

10) Would you move for the person you loved?
Hmmm, that's a tough one. Probably, but there would definitely be limits; for instance, I have already told SL that I will never move to Alaska (his home state).

11) Are you touchy feely?
No. I'm affectionate with SL & Sebastian, but I have a pretty large "personal space" and have actually been given some sh1t by friends for being stand-off-ish.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
I believe they attract; I don't know if I believe that it will lead to a lasting relationship.

13) Dream job?
U.S. Supreme Court Justice

14) Favorite channel(s)
I don't watch a lot of TV. Discovery Health, I guess.

15) Favorite place to go on a weekend?
If I could go anywhere, I'd go to the beach. It's a little far from home, though.

16) Showers or Bath.
Shower. I don't like baths.

17) Do you paint your nails?
Rarely. And even when I do, it's clear or a very pale pink for the fingernails. I've been known to slap some red on my toenails.

18) Do you trust people easily?
I'd say I'm middle-of-the-road on that.

19) What are your phobias?
Bees

20) Do you want kids?
YES!

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
I used to, but now I just blog.

22) Where would you rather be right now?
On a tropical beach somewhere.

23) Heavy or light sleep?
Very heavy. Once I'm out, you could drive a semi through my bedroom & it wouldn't wake me.

24) Are you paranoid?
Nah

25) Are you impatient?
Yep

26) How do you feel about interracial couples?
I have no problem with them.

27) Have you been burned by love?
Yes

28) What's your life motto?
I don't know that I have one. I had a counselor once tell me it was "Be all that you can be," like the U.S. Army commercials.

29) What's your main ring tone on your cell?
I like to change it up, but right now it's a Mozart piano sonata.

30) What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping!

31) Who was your last text message from?
SL

32) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
My own.

33) What color shirt are you wearing?
Light blue

34) Most recent movie you watched?
Not sure. . . The DaVinci Code(?)

35) Name five things you have on you at all times?
Cell phone, Imitrex, ibuprofen, pen, wallet

36) What color are your bed sheets?
A light sage green

37) How much cash do you have on you right now?
About $33

38) What is your favorite part of chicken?
Breast

39) What's your favorite town/city?
To visit, or to live (cost no object)?
Visit: London
Live: San Diego

40) I can't wait till...
I lose some frickin' weight.

41) What did you have for dinner last night?
Healthmex Chicken Burrito from Rubio's

42) How tall are you barefoot?
Five foot four & three-quarters

43) Have you ever smoked crack?
God, no. I've never even smoked pot!

44) Do you own a gun?
No, and I never will.

45) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water

46) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I don't have one!

47) What time did you wake up today?
SL woke me around 7; I went back to sleep until 9:45.

48) Current worry?
Weight

49) Current hate?
Kreatyv baby names

50) Favorite place to be?
In bed

51) Where would you like to travel?
England, Italy, Ireland again

52) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
I hope to still be in this same basic area, but have at least one child.

53) last thing you ate?
Turkey sandwich on whole wheat.

54) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Anything! I especially like to sing "On My Own" from Les Miserables.

55) Last person that made you laugh?
SL

56) Worst injury you've ever had?
I broke a toe in college.

57) Does someone have a crush on you?
I don't think so.

58) What is your favorite candy?
Godiva or Ghirardelli chocolate

Boring, mundane post

220.4

I fell back asleep this morning after turning off the alarm, so I missed my morning walk with Sebastian (poor boy). I may go & use the elliptical trainer at our complex's workout room after work. (I say "may" because it gets hot in there; the air conditioning does not work well.)

WW is going OK. I ate more than my allotted points yesterday, but I had many flex points to cover, so all is well. Today I have been kind-of hungry, but have done well so far: Kashi Go Lean Crunch & milk for breakfast, a salad & some baked Lays for lunch. So far, so good.

Not too much planned for the weekend, but I'm glad it's Friday (as always). My morning of presenting cases to the grand jury went fine; I was glad to learn it was only a morning and not all day. Woohoo!

I am going to try & be as productive as I can for the next 3+ hours before leaving work.

2nd On Program Day

Today is my 2nd day back on WW, and so far, so good. I was a bit hungry today, but I drank lots of water and had a couple of low-point snacks and was fine. SL is on his way home with a points-friendly dinner right now.

Uneventful day at work. I spent most of the morning in court, and the afternoon catching up on what I missed yesterday (though there wasn't much).

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday! This hot weather just does not put me in the mood for work. SL & I have no plans for the weekend. I am going to take M out on Sunday; I haven't seen her for about 3 weeks. I think I am going to take her swimming if she is in the mood for that; otherwise, maybe to go see a movie (I'm thinking either Over the Hedge or Cars).

I decided today that I am going to take off July 3rd so that I can have a 4-day weekend. SL has to work; too bad! At least I will be to relax, chill by the pool, and maybe get a project or two done around the house. We bought tickets to see Ron White on July 1st, too; that should be fun.

220.6

Just a quick note before I hop in the shower to get ready for work.

I actually got up and walked this morning! At last! Sebastian and I did 28 minutes on a nearby trail. He saw about 15 huge lizards, which thrilled him.

I am very frickin' out-of-shape. My knees and lower back hurt during the walk: something that has NEVER happened to me before! I'm glad I am getting back on track.

This morning's weight just illustrates the difference between weighing in the evening versus weighing in the morning; I don't really believe that I have already lost 4.2 lbs after one day on program with WW.

More later, ta ta for now!

Headache again

224.8 (sigh)

Woke up again this morning with a migraine. I think that is the fourth headache I've had in the past week. I took meds, called my secretary to tell her I'd be in late (if at all), & eventually fell back asleep. . . but by the time I woke up, it was afternoon & going to work for just a few hours seemed pointless.

Not quite sure why I am getting so many headaches lately--maybe Zoloft withdrawal?--my stress level is relatively low & I am drinking lots of water. Ah well. Thank God for ibuprofen & Imitrex.

I went and re-joined WW as planned last night. The meeting was unexpectedly emotional for me. I weighed 12.6 lbs more than my start weight back in January 2003, which was 212.2. More than a little depressing, as this is my highest weight ever.

On a positive note, I am feeling enthusiastic about "working the program." Now that my darn headache is finally gone, I am going to work out on the elliptical trainer in our complex's exercise room this evening (it's way too hot to go walking outside). SL seems enthusiastic about WW, too. Baby steps.

I think I am going to take advantage of being home from work much earlier than usual to get some de-cluttering done. I have an impetus to clean the guest room now as my friend D's 10-year-old son is coming out to stay with me for a weekend one month from today. Not even a 10-year-old could sleep in that room as it is currently: too much crap!

Another new start

I am joining Weight Watchers tonight (for--I think--the fourth time). Tuesday evenings at 7:00 p.m. seem like a day/time that will work for me. Also, a woman from my office also goes to that meeting and says she likes the leader.

I am actually excited to re-join. I hope my enthusiasm continues.

Now if I can just figure out a way to get my lazy carcass out of bed earlier to take Sebastian for a morning walk. I also may start participating in a work-sponsored walking program; they are opening the local convention center over the lunch hour for people to walk. (It is WAY too hot here in the summers to be walking outside: it hasn't been under 105 for the daytime high in almost two weeks.)

SL is enthusiastic, too. We both really, really need to do something about our weight.

I am completely off the Zoloft now; I took the last half-dose on Sunday morning. I am also completely off birth control since last Thursday. I figure my body will be completely drug free later this week.

I am also switching doctors. The practice I was assigned to was just too hard to get an appointment with. (I'd also had a bad experience with a covering physician there once.) The new doctor is right next door to SL's work. My initial consultation with her is on July 10th.

Not much else to tell. It's blistering hot! Slow week at work due to the judicial conference.

Awkwardness re marital status

Odd comment from my sister V this morning on the telephone. She said that my father told her that SL & I are getting married! He based this information on a brief conversation during this past weekend's visit. That conversation went something like this:

Dad: So, have you & (SL) talked about marriage?

Me: We've talked about it, as far as when & where we'd do it if we decide to do it. And we both think our relationship is probably headed that way eventually.

Dad: Well, I don't see an engagement ring, ha ha ha.

Me: Well (SL) is not impulsive and likes to take things slowly, so it would probably take him more than 16 months to make that kind of decision. It took him almost 3 months just to ask me for a date.

Stepmom: But you HAVE talked about marriage?

Me: Yes

(Nodding all around)

That was pretty much the extent of it. And from that he got the impression that we are going to get married. Interesting.

V was 99% sure it wasn't true because she knows I would definitely tell her before Dad if I got engaged. We both had a little chuckle over it, actually. I told her I think that Stepmom initiated this conversation because she is bothered by the fact that SL & I "live in sin." Because she & Dad were letting us sleep in the same room at their house, I think it made her feel better to believe we are thisclose to getting married.

I am 35 years old and have never been married. (I've never even been engaged, though I have lived with one other man besides SL, had 3 bona fide marriage proposals, and had one other relationship at age 28/29 that I thought would lead to marriage.) Believe it or not, the fact that I am never-married is not a big deal to me. I will admit that there have been times in my adult life that I have despaired of ever marrying and have been very bothered by my single status. But I had some kind of mental shift during law school, in my early 30s, and now I am fine with the idea of never getting married. I love SL and am very happy with our relationship. But to be honest, aside from his expressed desire that we be married before we have a child, I really don't care whether we marry or not.

The way I see it, SL & I have a good, healthy relationship as is. I am not a church-going person who is bothered by our current arrangement, nor are any of the people close to me (with the notable exception of my stepmom & perhaps my dad). I am not financially dependent on SL, nor is he on me. I don't really see what getting married would add to our relationship. We already have a commitment; neither of us is going anywhere. And I think each of us would want to retain a certain degree of independence & autonomy in certain areas of our lives, even we did marry: I know *I* would, after 35 years of singlehood.

I know from the experience of friends and from my own parents that the simple act of getting legally married doesn't guarantee that your relationship will last. The commitment happens in your mind and in your heart or not at all; having a formal ceremony just puts the world on notice of it and makes things legal. It certainly seems to give an air of legitimacy to your relationship in the eyes of many people.

I have felt a lot of "peer pressure" to marry ever since we moved in together last October, but particularly since our relationship passed the one-year mark. . . closely followed by my 35th birthday. Funny the expectations people have for us.

Just thought all this was interesting. . .

Goofy picture of me from the weekend

Home again

SL & I are home after our loooooong trip to my dad's. It was really good to see Dad and my stepmom and B, my step-nephew. (Not sure if that's the right term to use. He's my deceased stepbrother's 20-year-old son. My dad & stepmom raised him from age 8 after my stepbrother died, so he is almost like a much-younger brother to my sister and me.) And we had delicious Mexican food, as planned; we also bought home some of my favorite tamales. SL is going to take 3 dozen to his father when he flies home to Alaska next month because his dad fell in love with them when I brought them some after Christmas last year.

Only (small) downside to my weekend was that I continued to be headache-y. Though I never developed a full-blown migraine, I had to take ibuprofen & Imitrex both days. I hope tomorrow will be headache-free.

As expected, Sebastian was thrilled to see us when we went to pick him up. I missed my boy. :)

Back to work in the morning. I have a lot I hope to get done this week. It should be a relatively quiet week at work because the judges will be gone to a judicial conference Wednesday through Friday. I hope it will be a productive one as well.

SL & I talked a lot on the drive up & back this weekend. I am definitely joining Weight Watchers on Tuesday evening, and he is going to follow the plan with me. I'm feeling positive about it.

Two more days of reduced-dose Zoloft and I will be stopping it altogether. (I'm also think that weaning off the Zoloft might be a part of the reason I had headaches on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.) I hope that without the medication I will be less tired and will be able to lose all this f*&%in' weight I've gained.

G'night.

Imitrex worked

It took a couple of hours for full relief, but by the time SL & I went out to dinner around 6:30, my headache was 90% gone. (It's now 100% gone.) Whew!

Heading home early

Over the past hour, I have developed a headache. I've tried caffeine & 600 mg of ibuprofen, but the headache is getting worse instead of better. I'm going to take an Imitrex now and head home.

TGIF

I'm so glad it's almost the weekend! This week has seemed interminably long for some reason. Several co-workers have remarked that they've felt the same, so I don't think it's just me. Maybe part of the reason is that it's been God-awful hot: over 105 every day this week.

I had my monthly book club dinner last night. It was fun! The restaurant was delicious; it more than lived up to my expectations. We had a really good turnout, and all but one of the attendees had read the book. Everyone who'd read the book liked it, too, which was gratifying since it was my selection.

Sebastian was all excited this morning when I mentioned Dickens' name. I shouldn't have said it, actually, because dogs have no concept of "you'll see him tomorrow." So when he heard his name, he thought he was going to Dickens' house right then.

Today is my fourth day on a half dose of Zoloft, and I still feel fine. I have slept a lot the last couple of days, but have otherwise been my usual self.

I intend to re-join Weight Watchers this coming Tuesday. I know I have said this a few times already, but I think I will actually do it now. I have the money, and once I am off all medications, I'll have no excuse not to. I wish SL would go to meetings with me, but he has already informed me he will not. He has no problem following the program with me; he just doesn't want to go to meetings. Ah well.

Off to dad's tomorrow morning. I hope everything goes smoothly with our trip.

Happy Humpday

So far I am on my second day of reduced-dose of Zoloft and I feel fine. I am actually less tired than I have been most mornings of late. I also gave up caffeine as of yesterday, so that makes my relative perkiness all the more remarkable. (I had a cup of coffee on Monday morning and nothing since. The caffeine was getting to be a habit, so I thought what better time to quit it, too, since I am trying to be drug free.)

Not much else noteworthy going on. I am going to get tickets for SL & I to go see Ron White (aka Tatersalad). SL really loves all those comedians on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I despise Larry the Cable Guy, but I actually find Ron White amusing. I figure "turnabout is fair play" and SL got tickets to Les Mis for me.

SL & I are driving 4 hours each way to visit my dad for Father's Day this weekend. I am looking forward to seeing my dad and to eating some good Mexican food. Not looking forward to that long, boring drive, though. I'm also a little sad to be away from Sebastian for the weekend again. But he is going to stay with K & her dog Dickens, so I know they'll have fun.

I have my monthly book club dinner tomorrow night. It is at a restaurant I've never tried before that serves "Pacific rim cuisine," so I'm excited about it.

Hope I continue to feel good and don't get all mental. LOL

The choice for me: drug-free

As of last night, I have come to a decision: I am stopping Zoloft and birth control pills. I didn't get to see my doctor yesterday due to a scheduling snafu at their office, and she didn't return my call. But regardless, I have decided to go off my medications.

SL & I can certainly use an alternate method of birth control (though he's not really happy about my decision). And I just don't feel that my depression was ever severe enough to justify dealing with the side effects I have had. The low energy, sleepiness, and most of all, the 25+ weight gain in 6 months, are not worth it to me.

Sure, I will probably be irritable again and will probably have some low times emotionally. But frankly, weighing over 220 lbs MAKES ME DEPRESSED. So does having low energy. I do not think that the benefit I have received from this drug is worth the side effects.

So that's that. I am weaning myself off the Zoloft gradually so I don't get SSRI withdrawal, and I have only 3 BCPs left in this pack. By the end of next week, 95% of the drugs should be out of my system. And then I'll see how I feel.

Weekend update

My weekend went mostly as planned. I was awakened shortly after 4 a.m. Saturday by a migraine. Horrible pain behind my left eye & nausea. Yuck. As luck would have it, I had run out of Imitrex, so I had to drive to a 24-hrs Walgreens to get a refill; it wasn't ready until almost 5 a.m.

My migraine was about 85% resolved by 9:00 a.m. after two doses of Imitrex and some intermittent sleep. I ran my planned Saturday morning errands (more about that in a minute), but then felt icky again. So I came home, took more meds, and slept. By the time I woke up, it was after 2 p.m. Needless to say, our plan to head up to Phoenix around 11:00 was out the window; we finally left a little after 3:00.

Once we arrived in Phoenix, we hung out with KMC for about an hour, then headed out to the planned dinner with my law school friends. I saw a couple of acquaintances I hadn't seen in a really long time, which was fun. Only downside was that we were a large group--12 people in all--so I didn't get to talk as much with my closest friends as I would've liked. We ate at Buca di Beppo, which was very yummy! SL loves eating there (even though he doesn't necessarily love hanging out with my friends; he is shy).

Today we slept late, then had brunch with KMC before heading to the ballpark early. (SL wanted to avoid the worst of the crowds and visit the Team Shop.) We ended up leaving the game early because our team was losing 13-1 in the seventh inning (the final score was 15-2). We stopped by In n Out Burger to pick up dinner, then headed home.

Aside from Saturday morning's migraine, I had a good weekend. We are going to be out of town next weekend, too, as we are taking a road trip to visit my dad for Father's Day.

Sebastian was very happy to see us when we arrived at K's to pick him up!

When I went to the video editor's on Saturday morning, I was very happy with the way the images on the 8 mm film have held up over time. The one bad thing, though, was that there were no films later than 1971, which means no footage of my sister. (She had suspected that this might happen.) I am now debating whether she will want a copy of the DVD when it's finished since she isn't on it. I think I will still get her one, since it obviously has footage of many people she loves: both our parents; both our grandmas (now deceased); various cousins, aunts, & uncles; and of course, her favorite sister. ha ha

Guilty on all counts

That is all. Thank you.

Waiting

I just finished a trial this morning. I am now waiting for the jury's verdict. I know I did the best I could with something less than a slam dunk case. We'll see what happens. Waiting is the worst.

I have a fun weekend planned. Tomorrow morning, I am going in to review the 8 mm films from my early childhood that I am having put on a DVD. As soon as I finish that, SL & I are heading to Phoenix where we will be staying with my best friend KMC. Tomorrow evening, we're having a dinner with a large group of law school friends at Buca di Beppo--yum! Then on Sunday we are going to watch the Diamondbacks play the Mets. Fun, fun, fun.

Poor Sebastian has to go and stay with old roommate K and her dog Dickens. I'm sure he'll have fun with Dickens, even though he'll miss his mom. :)

I love movies

Where's a harpoon?

When I started this blog, I thought it would be a good way to track weight loss, among other things. Instead it has turned out to be a way to track weight GAIN.

This morning I weighed 220. That's right. I am now 8 lbs OVER the weight at which I started Weight Watchers back in January 2003.

I really feel like just throwing up my hands and saying fuck it. I have been exercising (intermittently), I have not changed my eating habits for the worse, and yet my weight just continues to go up, up, up.

I see my doctor next Monday and plan to discuss stopping the Zoloft I am taking. I truly believe that it is 90% responsible for this weight gain. However, even if I get off the Zoloft, I am already 220! When I think back to how much hard effort it took to lose weight back in 2003, it makes me want to cry. I just don't think I have it in me to put forth that kind of effort. I literally thought about food & exercise most of every day back in 2003; for me, it takes that measure of focus to lose weight. I have too many other things going on now to make Weight Watchers & exercise my #1 priority.

Anyway. . . just venting.

I belong in Dublin!

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Funny thing: I actually AM 50% Irish

You're 50% Irish

You're probably less Irish than you think you are... But you're still more Irish than most.

How Irish Are You?

Generosity, procrastination, & accomplishment

It seems an age since I blogged, though it really hasn't been that long. To sum up what's been happening with me. . .

SL bought me the sweetest gift on Friday: a gift certificate for an hour-long massage! He knows I get a lot of tension in my neck & upper back, and I've been talking for a while about how much I'd like to get a massage but just don't have the money to spend on one right now. I can't wait to put that gift certificate to good use! What a thoughtful gift.

Like many people, I am a procrastinator. (One of my oft-repeated mottos is "If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.") I also became spoiled over the years I was a nurse and a student by having free time on weekdays to run errands. As a result of these two facts, I had an accumulation of errands that I could only run on Saturday mornings. (Going to the post office, taking 8 mm film to a video editor, taking a pair of pants in for alterations, among other assorted tasks.) This past Saturday, I finally "bit the bullet" and forced myself to get EVERYTHING done. I even visited Hallmark & bought my Father's Day cards already. What a good feeling! The only thing about the morning that wasn't good was that it was like a million degrees out. (Seriously, I think we set a record high: it was about 106 or soomething.)

As I've mentioned before, I am constantly struggling to keep my home clean and to get rid of clutter. I'm very organized in my mind, but in my home, not so much. Sunday evening, I did the Flylady Crisis Cleaning (from flylady.net). I was surprised at how much I accomplished in a total of one-and-a-half hours working in 15-minute increments! I completely cleaned the kitchen (with the exception of cleaning out the refrigerator), including unloading and re-loading the dishwasher; I completely tidied up the living room, including vacuuming (and believe me, that room was a disaster); and I cleaned everything in my bathroom but the tub. Pretty cool. I kept the momentum going and got 5 loads of laundry done, too. (I normally do laundry on Monday or Tuesday nights and do 6-8 loads; that's for both of us for the whole week.) Last night I washed towels, our sheets, and some clothes I needed for work. And because the laundry room was not being used by anyone else, I took advantage of that and also washed bathmats and mattress pads. Now I'll only have 2-3 loads to wash tonight or tomorrow.

I sound like a dork as I re-read this, but I had such a good feeling of accomplishment from getting all this done. Makes me wonder why I put this kind of stuff off all the time. Now if I could just tackle my clutter. It's pretty pathetic that SL & I have lived in this place since October 2005 and I still have boxes that I have not unpacked. (sigh)

Other than cleaning and errands, I spent most of the weekend reading. I'm taking a break from Guns, Germs, & Steel (about 2/3 of the way through) and have started The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillippa Gregory. I like historical fiction. I also bought a few other books this weekend: The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason (my July book club selection), the 2nd Bridget Jones book, and The Nannie Diaries. (I'd always planned to read the last two, but seeing that The Nannie Diaries is being made into a movie inspired me to finally get it.)

SL & I had lunch with our friends M & A on Saturday. That was a pleasant surprise. They moved about 100 miles away about 6 weeks ago, and we hadn't seen them since. They were just in town for the day. It was good to see them & to catch up.

What else is going on? I have a trial this week--yea! This will be my third consecutive auto theft trial. Frankly, I am ready to do something a little different, like a home burglary or something. But I'll take it.

All about me

I saw this on someone else's blog and thought it was a cool idea. . .

I AM: a prosecutor
I WANT: to be thinner
I WISH: I were a mom
I HATE: stupidity
I MISS: my sister
I FEAR: that I will never have a child of my own
I WONDER: how my life would be different if I had taken the other "fork in the road" at various junctures
I REGRET: waiting this long to have a child
I AM NOT: patient
I DANCE: whenever I get the chance
I SING: a lot: in the car, in the shower, even at my desk at work. I'd sing in trial if I didn't think it'd draw an objection from defense counsel or offend the jurors
I CRY: infrequently. . . can't remember the last time
I AM NOT ALWAYS: organized
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: a mess!
I WRITE: in my blog, at work, and to friends
I CONFUSE: calm unemotionality with a lack of caring
I NEED: new navy blue shoes for work
I SHOULD: get rid of a lot of the clutter I am holding on to
I START: lots of home organizing projects, but seldom finish them
I FINISH: anything chocolate I bring into my home