Monday, November 19, 2007

Just when I think things are going well. . . .

As usual, when I have a genuine concern/problem, I am reluctant to blog about it. I do want to say that some things came up between MM and me this weekend that were unexpected.
I thought things were progressing quite well between us--that we were enjoying each other's company and developing feelings for one another--and while these things are also true, we may not be together much longer, depending on circumstances. It's a bit of a weird thing to have the man you are seeing tell you that he loves you, thinks you are perfect for him, and can see a real relationship with you. . . . only to have him also tell you in the same discussion that he is not sure if he can continue to date you. (sigh)
Anyway. . . . I am not particularly trying to be cryptic. I'm just too worn-out to explain the whole situation here. Because of the talk we had last night, I didn't get much sleep: I ended up staying at his place, not going to sleep until after 1:00, then getting up at 5:30 to drive home. (Side note: there was already an insane amount of traffic on the freeways at 6:00 a.m. Never again will I spend the night at his place on a weeknight, no matter the inducement.)
In addition to being emotional and sleep-deprived, I am hella busy at work today. Typical Monday, plus I had a deposition in the morning, and one of the partners is gearing up for a trial next week. Couple all that with the fact that I am trying to tie up loose ends to leave town on Wednesday, and it's not been a particularly pleasant day. Ah well.
It never ceases to amaze me how bad my timing is. If MM had told me two weeks ago the things he told me yesterday, I would have pulled back from him and probably avoided a lot of (potential) hurt feelings. Instead, he gave me every indication that he was happy with the way things were going and that he was falling for me, too. So I let myself be open to that possibility and let myself get attached. Now look where I am.
I don't know what will happen. At this point, everything after this week is a question mark. I know I am seeing him tomorrow night, and I know he is still taking me to the airport on Wednesday; beyond that, who knows.
Well, whatever happens, this, too, shall pass. Hard to maintain a healthy perspective on 4 hours' sleep, though.
Gotta get back to work . . . . .


JessiferSeabs said...

I'm so sorry. Really, I am so SO sorry. WTF happened?!??!

I am deep in the throes of rejection from The Broker (although we were nowhere NEAR as serious as you guys), and it hurts.