Friday, November 09, 2007

Frankie say relax

212.2 (yikes!)
I am so glad it's Friday. I have felt very tired and drained most of this week, and I'm not quite sure why. Looking forward to relaxing and unwinding.
Shades of the old, pre-SL me have begun surfacing in my thoughts about my situation with MM. I am trying to be kind to myself and remember that I am doing something outside my 20-year norm with this relationship and that's bound to feel odd at times. . . . but I get frustrated with myself. Why can't I just relax and enjoy what is a great, problem-free arrangement?? Aargh!
Well, on the plus side, I still have my friends with whom I can talk about this. And they know I'm mental, so it's OK. ;-) In fact, I have been far more chill for far longer than any of them expected with MM. . . . based on my usual dating approach. Frankly, I have exceeded my own expectations in that regard, too.
I can't wait to see MM tomorrow night. I really love being with him. It's a little scary how much I like him, but I'm working through it. What's the worst that can happen? Things go south and I never see him again? I'll live. I am reminded of a line from a recent Maroon 5 song: "I've been here before; one day I'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore." Nothing will happen that I can't handle; therefore there is nothing to be afraid of.
I just have to remind myself that risk is inherent in living life. And right now no one is looking to change my (wonderful) status quo with MM.
Sebastian is going to stay with a coworker of mine for the weekend starting this afternoon. He will stay until mid-day on Sunday, provided he gets along with her dogs and everything goes well. This visit is his trial run prior to staying with her and her family for the six days I will be gone for Thanksgiving. I have no doubt it will go smoothly, but I didn't want to leave him there for the first time unless I knew I'd be around to go pick him up if things don't work out.
I'm going to miss my boy! I know my apartment will seem really empty without him. I'm going to be out tonight, and in the morning I'm going to get a haircut and highlights. I plan to nap in the afternoon because we are going to a 10:00 comedy show. Then MM is picking me up at 6:30-ish tomorrow. So I shouldn't be home alone much.
A quick aside: I'm wondering if I in some way offended my father during his recent visit. I have not heard anything from him this week. That is not unheard of, but I've noticed. I called this morning and left him a voicemail and have not heard back from him. Hmmm.
I think I am going to buy myself a new, good book to read this weekend. I could use a mental lift. My life is going great, but some escapism will do me good.
P.S. Just to be clear: there is absolutely not a single thing MM has done to make me get all weird about him. He has been as usual: we texted yesterday, and he called me in the evening for a brief chat (he's not much of a phone person). He said he plans to call me today, too. Our Saturday night is going on as planned. My feelings are all in my head and all about me. . . . not really about him.