Good second date

208.4

First, to address the scale: I am certain that this morning's weight is a fluke. I ate very little yesterday because I had butterflies in my stomach from about 11:00 on, and I had a beer yesterday evening before dinner. I think the combination of alcohol and not eating much is making my weight a little lower than usual today. Much as I would like to believe I really weigh 208.4, I don't.

I had an excellent second date with Minneapolis Man last night. (From now on, I will refer to him as M.M. Coincidentally, in addition to standing for Minneapolis Man, those are his actual initials.) I know he had fun, too, because he told me on the drive home that, as good a time as he'd had with me the week before, last night was even better. (Awww. . . . )

His final words to me as we said our goodbyes outside my gate were "see you soon," so I'm sure it won't be long before I hear from him again. I mean, after last night's date, it is pretty clear that something special is happening here for both of us. He made reference to the "connection" he feels with me and told me point-blank at dinner that now that he's met me, he doesn't want to go out with anyone else.

In my cynical way, I'd probably be thinking that he just said these things to have sex with me. . . . but we actually had a frank talk about the sex thing, too, and he was well aware that it wouldn't be happening last night or any time soon. After a heated make-out session in his car between dinner and the movie, as we were walking into the theatre, I made it clear that sex was not on last night's agenda. Our exchange went something like this:

MM: "So what are the odds of our finishing what we started later?"

S: "Do you mean having sex?"

MM: "Yes"

S: "Tonight? Zero."

MM: "Oh. Well, I hope you're not offended that I asked."

S: "Nope. If you didn't ask, I couldn't say yes, right?"

I think he was a bit taken aback by my bluntness. . . . but I think he liked it, too.

We talked about this topic again on the drive home after the movie--who knows, maybe he'd hoped that the canoodling in the theatre might have changed my mind on the subject. LOL I reminded him of a conversation we'd had at dinner the previous week:

S: "Remember when you told me last week that you hate it when you have sex with a woman on the second date and she immediately believes that you're in love with her?"

MM (hesitantly): "Yes."

S: "Do you remember how I said that I have no problem per se with anyone who does that, but that a woman should know herself and how well she can handle that situation?"

MM: "Uh huh"

S: "Well, I know myself well enough to know that, once I have sex with you, I will have certain expectations of you that it wouldn't be fair for me to have after two dates. So I can't go there yet."

He acknowledged this and went on to deliver the typical guy response: that waiting can be better, anticipation builds tension, blah, blah, blah. So it seems, at least at the moment, that he is at least resigned to the fact that it's not gonna happen soon.

We made out for another 10 minutes or so when he dropped me off. I know that he was hoping to weaken my resolve and get me to change my answer to yes--as most men would--but it didn't happen. I also fibbed a little and told him that my mom was upstairs. . . . well, actually, I said "my mom is staying with me, so. . . " and just let him conclude that she was in my apartment, even though she's actually in California at the moment. I thought if he came up, my resolve might, in fact, weaken. . . . and besides, my apartment is a mess. LOL

In addition to really liking him as a person and enjoying his company, I'm into him physically, too. Which is kind-of weird to me, because he is actually not at all my usual physical type: he is shorter, slimmer, and blond. I usually like men who are at least 5'10" or so, broad & big, and dark-haired. But anyway. Personality counts for a lot with me, so that's probably the explanation; I just like him enough that the fact that he doesn't fit my usual physical expectation isn't a big deal to me.

MM seems very, very sweet. I am well aware that men act quite differently while they are still trying to get you into bed with them, so it remains to be seen whether he will continue to act the same way. But right now, he is affectionate and funny and considerate and fun.

I'd also like to point out how unusual it is for me to be nervous or excited about something/someone to the point where I can't eat. I didn't have lunch yesterday because I had butterflies all day, so I thought I'd be starving by dinner. Then I ate most of my salad, only picked at my entree, and had no bread. Weird. I must really like MM. LOL

I don't think I am jumping to a conclusion when I say that I think we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other. And I still haven't found anything wrong with him: it's shocking! LOL

We saw "The Kingdom," which was really good. A little violent for my taste, but I guess the violence was necessary to the plot. I don't mind it quite as much when it's needed to move the story along; I just closed my eyes on some of the worst parts.

That was my evening!

Oh, and to follow up on my freak-out of Thursday night after MM learned that I planned to "check up on him". . . . he actually brought it up as soon as I got in the car last night. He said I should just ignore the burlap sack and the shovel in the back seat--a reference to my comment that my parents would freak out if my body were found buried out in the desert. He showed me his badge and his driver's license, too.

It was actually pretty funny. I didn't offend him, but he was very surprised, and upon further reflection, said he thought more women should be as cautious as me, especially with online dating. He has the type of personality that he loves giving me a hard time (I really like that, btw), so I think he just couldn't let the opportunity to tease me about it pass.

At dinner, he asked me if I had in fact checked him out and how. When I told him I had done some limited research, he was curious to know what I'd learned. . . . and a little freaked out to find out how much information about him is out there on the internet. (I can particularly understand this, given his job.) I told him that he'd better hope that none of his probationers have my research skills, or he might be getting some uninvited visitors to his home. LOL

Conversation between us is so easy. It's really fun to hang out with him.

TGIF

210.0

I'm taking a break from running again this morning. My legs feel pretty much back to normal, but I just want to be on the safe side. Plus, to be honest, I just don't feel like working out. Lazy, I know.

I ended up not walking Sebastian last night. Actually, I ended up not enjoying my first Mom-free evening in weeks because I worked late, then had a headache. I am feeling better today, thank goodness.

M.B. called me last night right as I was leaving the office to work out the details of our date tonight. He is picking me up at 6:00 for dinner and a movie. I'm looking forward to it!

I had a bit of an awkward moment with M.B. last night: after hanging up with him, I talked with my friend M, who (rightly) pointed out that I probably shouldn't be picked up at my place by someone whose last name I didn't even know. So I called M.B. right back and asked him his last name. He readily told me what it is, then it came up that I might "check him out" before the date. He seemed to find this very amusing. He assured me that he has a clean record, given what he does for a living (probation officers generally have criminal background checks, I'd guess), and that if I wanted, he'd bring "a complete dossier" on our date, including a list of all his ex-girlfriends.

I'm afraid that now he thinks I'm a bit of a nutcase, but better safe than sorry, I say. I'd hope that, given the job he does, he'd be well aware that there can be some weirdos out there. My own paranoia (& M's, probably) is due to being a former prosecutor, I think: this kind of thing didn't used to occur to me.

By the way. . . . I did look him up on line. He lives where he says he does, and I found his name and birth year associated with addresses in all the several cities where he's told he's lived. So unless he's assumed someone else's identity, he is probably what he appears to be. LOL

Totally off the topic of M.B. (who, depending on how tonight goes, may soon be promoted to M.M.--Minneapolis MAN). . . . can I just share that I puffy-heart my new job on paydays? LOL It's still so nice to log on and check my checking account and see that bigger-than-I'm-used-to deposit every other Friday. Gotta enjoy this feeling while it lasts. . .

Glad it's Friday!

Taking a break

211.8

By choice, I didn't work out this morning. My thigh muscles were sore most of yesterday, and the outside of my right knee was hurting. I figured the best approach--and two marathoner friends agreed--would be to take a little break from running.

Now I suppose I could've just walked. . . . but nah. I'll work out again on Saturday morning before heading up to Tucson. And I'll walk Sebastian tonight, so that will be a little bit of light exercise at least.

We had dinner with V last night as planned; it was really good to see her. Mom seemed to enjoy herself, too, so that was good.

Mom is leaving this morning to drive to California and visit some cousins. She'll be gone until Sunday evening. I'm sure she'll be glad to get a little break from me. LOL

I emailed Minneapolis Boy yesterday morning. Nothing major, just a little note to see how his week is going. When I got home from dinner last night, I'd gotten an enthusiastic email back. Aww. I'm looking forward to seeing him on Friday--tomorrow! I sure hope this turns out OK. After all the bad luck I've had with my love life this year, surely I'm due for a change. Right??

We shall see. . . .

I came to a decision on my drive to work. Since my successful date with M.B. last Friday, I have been attempting to maintain an even keel and curb my enthusiasm for him. Now I've decided: why? Life is short; I should enjoy my giddy feelings to the full. Goodness knows, I don't hit it off with a man this way very often. And even if things progress between us, I won't have these feelings for long; they are, by definition, short-lived. I've been trying to protect myself from hurt and disappointment by pretending to be blase'. No more.

What's the worst thing that can happen? He won't like me, or I'll find out something about him that I don't like. Life goes on. Considering what I've gone through in the past several months, how much worse could it be if this doesn't work out? I called off my wedding, ending things with someone I loved who was one of my best friends (SL), all because of his drinking. That was obviously very emotional. Then I found out that the guy I'd looked on as my "one who got away" and my gold standard ideal for the past 14 years (J) started having sex with men three years after we broke up and now knows he's bisexual. If I got through those two experiences in six months--and I did, and came out stronger for them--anything that happens with M.B. should be a walk in the park by comparison. LOL

Hump Day

211.8

I'm glad it's Wednesday; almost halfway through the week! I usually look forward to the weekends, but more so when I have fun stuff planned.

Tonight Mom & I are having dinner with my friend V. I haven't seen her in several weeks, and she's been on a 2-week vacation to Asia since then. So we should have lots to talk about.

For some reason, I came home in a blah mood yesterday. I think it may be the result of sitting at my computer researching all afternoon. When I'm doing a lot of legal research on Lexis or Westlaw, I kinda zone out, and it can be hard to return to a normal mood after that; I noticed the same thing in law school. I didn't really feel back to normal until J called me shortly before bedtime. (He is a frickin' riot, by the way; my ribs were hurting, he had me laughing so hard.) I'm fine this morning, though.

Nebraska Boy called last night, and we had a chat. He seems nice, but I'm starting to lose interest in meeting him. I think it's partly because I'm feeling more like he & I are not on the same level intellectually--he's smart, but not educated. Plus, he tends to dominate the conversation, which is OK, but the topics aren't ones that particularly interest me; it seems as though we don't actually share many interests. And, to be completely fair, it's probably partly because I am more focused on Minneapolis Boy. I have always been pretty much a "one-man woman." Playing the field doesn't generally work too well for me because I nearly always end up liking one man more than the others. Well, at this point, Nebraska Boy has hinted at a face-to-face meeting, but we haven't set anything up. So I think I will just let it lie for now. Who knows: maybe I wasn't into the conversation last night because I was in a mood. Next time we talk could be different.

Things have picked up a bit at work, thank God! I've been doing some legal research for a co-worker. It's not the most exciting thing in the world, but it sure beats having nothing to do.

Love me some Kashi cereal

210.8

I wimped out this morning and only did 1.25 miles on the treadmill. I wore the wrong shoes, and my right foot was hurting after only about 8-9 minutes. I suppose I could've pushed through and at least walked the rest of the two miles, but I didn't. The last thing I want to do is cause myself some pain that will make me stop exercising again.

In addition to hitting the treadmill on three consecutive mornings (yea!), I have also walked Sebastian about a mile each evening for the past 4 out of 6 nights. It's so nice that it's actually cool enough to enjoy walking him in the evenings now! Honestly, I don't mind the daytime highs close to 100. . . . so long as it cools off at night.

Minneapolis Boy called me last night around 6:30 to set up a date for this weekend. I briefly toyed with the idea of calling him, but ultimately decided to let him call me. . . . I had a feeling he would. We are going out Friday for dinner & a movie. (He wanted to see me Saturday night, but I'm going to be in Tucson.) Our conversation was brief--we caught up on each other's weekends and set up this date--but it was good to hear from him. Still not a misstep from him; I love it when men call me early in the week to schedule a date because I'm kinda type A and start making my weekend plans on Mondays. I admit, I am looking forward to seeing him again. . . . ;) And I'm trying NOT to focus my attention on trying to find things about him not to like. LOL

Nebraska Boy and I have been playing phone tag for the past few days. I suspect we will be meeting face-to-face some time in the near future as well. Honestly, but for the fact that I have had so many other things going on, we might've met already. . . . but it's kinda hard to set up dates when you have a lot of weekend plans already. He seems nice and fun to talk with. We'll see.

There is one other guy from match that I'm actively emailing, and no other prospects. I tell ya, the results this time have been pretty meager. Well, as my friend KK has said. . . . I'm only looking to meet one man, really. If I end up meeting someone I like through this process, I'm sure I'll pretty much forget about the fact that I didn't have as many prospects as I would've like. :)

Our speed dating event got cancelled! Or, rather, postponed to October, due to "an unusual, unforeseen imbalance in men and women." Hmmph. KC is still on board for doing it next month, and we can't get our $$ back, so I guess I will, too. What a disappointment, though!

Now that it's finally cooling off a bit here, I'd like to get back out hiking. There are several peaks and trails in the Phx metro area that I've never hiked. I need to start recruiting some partners. . . . I know V will go with me (schedule permitting) and KC might, too. I might even hit up J, if he's not too busy studying.

It's only Tuesday! Ugh.

Little things

On the whole, I consider myself to be a rational and pragmatic person. (One of several reasons why law has been such a good fit for me as a career.) But there is one small part of me--by no means the dominant part--that is a bit of a mushy romantic. That little part of me is easily charmed by stupid little things.

Even though this aspect of my personality is not the one in charge (most of the time), I do believe that it's the one that gets me into a lot of trouble in my love life. The logical and sane S knows what should be done. . . . but then there is this little 5% who's voting for another option.

I was going to write down some examples of these dumb little things men do that charm me. . . . but honestly, I almost cannot bring myself to do it. For one, I'm not even aware of all of them, until a man does one and I think "aha! I like that." Also, the ones of which I am aware sound so frickin' dumb when I put them down into words. I really do pride myself on being "smart." And smart people don't place stock in dumb things.

OK, an example: I have a thing for left-handed men. (Is that not irrational??) I'm not sure why/when that started, but I know that, as far back as J in college--and maybe farther--I've found left-handedness a turn-on. (Yes, J is a lefty.) The two men in my law school for whom I carried a torch--neither of which I ever dated--were both lefties. R, who I dated back in 2000 when I lived in Phx before, was a lefty. (Oddly, two of the partners at my current firm are left-handed. . . . but as they are married, in their 60's, and my bosses, I am somehow manage to resist the appeal. LOL)

Guess who else is left-handed?

Another dumb thing: I like it when men call me by my name. No "darling" or "sweetie" or "baby" for me; I like to hear my name. As a former psych major, I know that there is research that says that all human beings enjoy hearing the sound of their own names, so this one isn't entirely irrational. The only thing that makes it irrational is how a man can score big points with me by just calling me "S." I mean, what else should he call me, really? It's not that I love my name or anything; I think it's just that when a man uses my name, I know that he knows that is with ME, not just the femme du jour.

I'm going to stop here because I already feel all girly and silly. I continue to try to quash this 5% of my personality. . . . and I continue to fail.

Isn't lettuce a vegetable?

211.6 (better)



As reflected above, my weight is slightly down this morning over what it's been the past week or so. My eating habits of late have not been good. It's not so much the quantities of food I've been eating--because I haven't really been eating a lot--so much as the foods I've been choosing. For example, the only vegetables I had all weekend were a handful of baby carrots at C's party and the lettuce on last night's tostada. LOL

Now that I'm actively dating again (aside: does 2 dates in 2 weeks count as "actively dating"? whateva), I have begun thinking of the possibility of a man seeing me naked. If nothing else has scared me into taking control of my weight, that should. . . . the thought of any man seeing my body naked in its current state is a disheartening one indeed.

I have gotten up before 7:00 the past two mornings and done my little treadmill workout. (I'm sitting here sweating as I type this.) I was proud of myself today: 2 miles only took me 29 minutes and 30 seconds. I stepped up the proportion of jogging to walking this morning and jogged 3 minutes, then walked 2 minutes. . . . I had been jogging 2 minutes, then walking 3 minutes.

I feel really good at the moment. Yesterday I felt like a slug all day in spite of getting up early and exercising. My mom thinks I need to be taking a multivitamin. Ah, if only the answer to improving my mood were so simple.

In contrast to yesterday's sluggish mood, I was in a fantastic mood all day Saturday. In addition to my warm, fuzzy feelings after Friday night's successful date, I had an activity-filled day, too. Mom and I put in an appearance at a co-worker's birthday party; that turned out to be more fun than I had anticipated. I did a good deed and picked up KC's dog from the kennel a day earlier than she expected; he was very grateful. Then I went to dinner at C's, where I got to chat with several friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. Good times all around.

To top it off, the weather was fabulous all weekend. Really. Saturday night was beautiful: a light rainstorm, followed by a little bit of a cool breeze. Yesterday's daytime high was only 87, so that was AWESOME.

I hope I get more work to do this week. I have a pretty busy week socially: tomorrow night, KC & I are going speed-dating, and Wednesday night, my mom & I are meeting my friend V for dinner. (I haven't seen V in 6-7 weeks.) Saturday morning I am going to Tucson for the weekend. Should be fun.

Magical thinking

213.4 (ugh)

Why is it that when something goes badly, I have a nearly irresistible urge to share it with others. . . and when something goes well, I want to keep it to myself? Wouldn't it make more sense to keep my bullsh1t to myself and share my joys?

I think I engage in the kind of "magical thinking" you see in small children, at least on some level. You know: that somehow, by my thoughts, I can cause something to happen in the world around me. . . . something over which, in fact, my thoughts/feelings have no influence. Like when I think the Diamondbacks lost a game because I watched it. Or an example given on wikipedia: the child who believes "it is raining because I feel sad."

I believe that by relating something good, the "spell" will be broken, and I'll jinx myself just by revealing my thoughts on the subject. It'll either be as though telling the good news will make it seem as though it didn't really happen, or it will ensure that no more good come out of said situation. (Yeah, I probably need [more] therapy. LOL)

In years past, I have definitely been an over-sharer. Not with strangers, but with my friends (& sister). They have certainly heard details of my life--especially my love life--that might have more prudently been kept to myself. As I have mentioned before in this blog, I have a strong tendency to overthink and overanalyze everything, and particularly in regard to men.

Bearing all that preface in mind. . . . I had one of the more fun first dates last night that I've had in a long time. I met Minneapolis Boy for drinks, as planned. Drinks progressed to dinner, and after dinner we went to hear live blues at a club near my place at his suggestion. Conversation was easy and fun; actually, there was not a single thing about him that I could point to as a negative. (Well, he is a little shorter than most of the men I've dated, but I knew that before last night.) The mere fact that I can find nothing "wrong" with him is unusual and a little concerning. . . . . friends will tell you that I can find SOMETHING wrong with any man I go out with.

We talked, laughed, and even danced. He kissed me good night. It was a very enjoyable evening. In the interest of not feeling I have jinxed myself and will never hear from him again, I'm going to leave it at that. . . . ;)

Busy day planned today. Mom & I are going out for breakfast; I've committed myself to finishing my unpacking this weekend, and she's going to "crack the whip" for me. I need to make an appearance at a colleague's 40th birthday party, then pick up KC's dog from the kennel (poor guy). This evening my friend C is hosting dinner at her house for a group of friends from our law school class. In addition to C and her man and KH & her husband, I will be seeing other folks I really like and have not seen since I moved to Phoenix. So I'm looking forward to it; it should be really fun.

Once again, I am reminded of the fact that I am no longer a party girl. I went to bed at midnight after drinking a margarita and 2 beers between 7 and 11 p.m., and I woke up with a headache this morning. Ugh. I'm hydrating and have already taken 600 mg of ibuprofen. How lame am I.

Doggy's day out

(211.4)

I have had a very boring day at work, to end a boring week. I just don't have any work to do! There are primarily two frustrating things about this: one is that I feel guilty not "paying my way"--when I'm not billing clients, the firm is basically paying my (not inconsiderable) salary for nothing. Also, I know there is going to come a day when I am hella busy and wishing I could've done some of the work I'll have then before. Aye, aye, aye.

The two highlights of the day so far: I had lunch with my secretary and paralegal, and my mom brough Sebastian by the office for a visit. Sebastian got lots of love from most everyone and very much enjoyed himself.

I'm meeting Minneapolis Boy at 6:30 for drinks. I'm looking forward to it. Although I have not met him face-to-face, he seems like a good prospect. We'll see.

Nada mas. . .

Status quo

213.4 (4th consecutive day at this weight)

I haven't been keeping up with the blogging this week. My excuse--if I need one--is that not much noteworthy has been going on. I get tired of writing boring blog entries, and I'm sure the few people who read this blog get equally tired of reading them. :)

So what's new with me? Yesterday morning I removed the stitches from my finger laceration. KC was going to do it for me, but she had to fly to L.A. unexpectedly, and I didn't want to wait. It actually wasn't all that hard; would've been even easier if I could've used both hands. My wound seems to be healing. I still think it's likely that I'm going to end up with an ugly scar, but oh well. It's not as though I make my living as a hand model.

I'm having drinks with Minneapolis boy after work on Friday. We had a brief chat on the phone on Tuesday night. I can offer no solid opinions on what I think of him until we meet face-to-face. I will say that he sounds personable--has a sexy voice, too--and normal, and he scored points with me by calling early in the week and picking a place I like that is way closer to my home than his. But the jury is still out on him until we actually meet.

Activity on match, which, as I've written previously, has never been robust this go 'round, has slowed to a trickle. I have one other guy with whom I've been corresponding that I imagine I will soon be meeting face-to-face (I'll call him "Nebraska boy"), and I got an email from someone new yesterday. Other than that, nada at the moment. Ah well. I've really been struck by how much less interest "I" have generated this time, but I'm not dwelling on it.

I developed a migraine mid-morning yesterday. I think the headache may have started as a result of skipping my morning caffe mocha and dehydration, then escalated from there. I struggled through the afternoon, then went home a little early and napped in a dark room for an hour. (This was after multiple doses of Imitrex and NSAIDs.) This morning I feel back to normal, so that's good.

Still no real exercise this week. I did walk Sebastian on both Monday & Tuesday nights, so I guess that was better than nothing. But I still feel like a slug. I haven't been on the treadmill in 12 days! My laziness is awful.

Not much else to tell. Blah, blah, blah. . . .

The key is Consistency

213.4 (ugh)

Once again, I did not get up early enough to exercise. I suck. I am back to exerting no self-discipline. I genuinely don't know what my problem is. Ah well.

I was at a running store today over lunch with a co-worker who is training for a marathon in January; she needed to buy new running shoes, and I wanted to look around. The clerk assisting us asked if I run, too; my co-worker said that I had recently started running again. (Yeah, she doesn't know that I haven't even been on the treadmill in over a week. . . anyway.) The clerk, who has been distance running for almost 30 years, said "the key is consistency. Run at least 3-4 times every week."

Yeah. . . . he's probably right. And if he is, it seems that I will never run even a half-marathon, because I don't seem capable of being consistent. Aside from eating, sleeping, & basic hygiene, there are very few things I do on any routine schedule. It's sad, really.

My mom is still here, and that's going OK. She & I are getting along pretty well--no arguments, though I have gotten annoyed with her once or twice--and she seems to be enjoying herself. She is actually pretty low-maintenance as parents go.

I *was* able to finally walk Sebastian last night; it rained and cooled things off quite nicely. Today hasn't been too God-awful hot either, so I plan to walk him again as soon as the sun goes down this evening. Walking Sebastian around the neighborhood is great for him, and better for me than sitting on the couch. . . . but not vigorous enough to be a true aerobic workout for me. I should still be hitting the treadmill in the mornings.

Another guy I've been emailing on match has suggested a face-to-face meeting; we'll see if it materializes. He is "M," a probation officer. . . not to be confused with "M" in my blog entry of a couple of weeks ago. (That M sent me two emails after our first & only phone call, and I haven't heard a peep out of him in about 10 days.)

As I'm typing this, I'm realizing that referring to these guys by initials is getting cumbersome and confusing. Maybe I will have to start making up nicknames instead. Otherwise I'll soon be blogging about three different men called "J." So we'll call this latest M "Minneapolis boy" because that's where he's originally from. ("Probation boy" would make him sound like a felon. . . . )

Aside from J, whom I met for drinks last Friday (aka Philosopher guy), there are two other guys from match with whom I am in regular contact besides Minneapolis boy, but I've not yet met either face-to-face. I think I won't bother nicknaming any guy until/unless I set up a face-to-face meeting with him.

My finger is itching but otherwise seems fine. I'm going to get KC to remove my stitches on Wednesday night. I can already tell I'm going to have an ugly scar. Ah well.

Alcohol and lack of sleep = tired & grumpy

214 (eek!)

I stayed out until the wee hours last night--OK, so I was only out until 11:30--and I've been exhausted today. I had a whopping three beers between 5 & 11. It's a good thing I don't actually party anymore; if I feel this wiped out just because I drank 3 beers and stayed up past midnight, I can't imagine how bad off I'd be if I really still partied.

I've had three cups of coffee over the course of the day, and I'm still tired. I could go for a nap, but am determined to tough it out. And anyway, I am going out to dinner in just over an hour. . . . so I don't have time for a nap. Shucks.

Yesterday after work, I met "J" from match.com for a drink. He is younger--31--and a grad student at ASU. We had a fun time. I enjoyed hanging out with him, and he was actually slightly better looking in person than online. I don't know that I see anything long-term on the horizon with him, though; he seems so young and is clearly not looking for a committed relationship. Still, if he's interested, I'll probably hang out with him again.

After leaving the bar where I met Match J, I met my friend J for dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant near my place. Is it wrong that hanging out with my friend J was more fun than hanging out with Match J? LOL Lower stress, I guess. After dinner, we went to a little British pub (also near my place) and had a few drinks. Good times.

J tells me that he and his "ex" A have come to the conclusion that they are going to get back together. So she is going to move out here and is looking for jobs. I hope that works out for him. I doubt it will, but I hope it does, for his sake.

Once A moves here, I'm sure I will be seeing less of J. I'm enjoying our friendship now, though. After his revelations of a few weeks ago and coming to the realization that he and I would never be together again in a romantic way, I almost regretted that we ever got back in touch. But I don't feel that way now. I really do enjoy his company; he's terrific!

Going to a comedy show with KC tonight. Should be fun.

I have a few other prospects from match.com that I'm emailing back and forth with. It's so odd how this online dating stuff works, so who knows what, if anything, will come of them. Time will tell.

I got a haircut and highlights today. I like the way they turned out. It was fun getting caught up with my hairstylist; I hadn't seen him in about 4 years and a lot has happened in both our lives since then. :)

Blah

214.4 (YIKES)

I've been in a bit of a funk today. Not quite sure what my problem is. Today is no different than yesterday or the day before. I guess it's just "one of those days"?

Scale is WAY up today. Why? Well, I have not had nearly enough water the past two days, and last night's dinner consisted entirely of fried food (chicken nuggets & tater tots). And I have still haven't exercised since injuring my finger. Come to think of it. . . maybe this crappy eating and lack of exercise are contributing to my foul mood. Hmmm.

It is still God-awful hot here. Yesterday's high temperature was 107, according to the news. The record high for 9/12 is 110; the normal high temp is 101. So we were closer to the record than to normal. At 10:15 last night, it was still 97. The extended forecast doesn't show anything below 100 in the next week. Ugh.

Poor Sebastian has not been walked any evening this week because of the heat. (I won't take him if the outside temp is over 95.) Good thing my mom is staying at my place, or he'd probably be getting into some mischief during the workday.

In addition to no evening walks, I have not gotten up and exercised any day this week. To tell the truth, in addition to my innate laziness, I am a little worried that jogging (or even brisk walking) will make my finger hurt. I can type with only an occasional twinge of pain, but anything more vigorous hurts. I can't even let my left hand swing at my side as normal or my finger throbs. I can't curl my finger around things to hold them. I'm a big wimp about pain. I suppose I could hold my hand up, but I'm afraid just raising my heart rate will make the cut throb.

Pain aside, my finger wound does seem to be healing. The stitches are still in place, the edges of the laceration are well-approximated, and there are no signs of infection. The finger itself is still slightly swollen, but improved. Aside from the inconvenience of not having full use of my left index finger and the pain, no real complaints.

That's all folks.

New sensation

213.0 (ugh)

I had planned to post an updated photo of my finger laceration, but I can't seem to get the lighting right. Funny how the lighting at the urgent care was ideal for me to get a good shot with my camera phone. . . .

My finger is healing. It was numb all day Monday--after the doctor had told me the anesthetic would wear off in "6-8 hours"--and that was a little concerning. I woke up on Tuesday with normal sensation, and it's been fine since. Except now my finger is sore and hurts every time something brushes it. :( In addition to the (normal & expected) pain, it's still pretty swollen and a little bruised around the base. Ugh.

My weight: Mom & I went out for pizza last night. It was delicious, but I ate an entire 10" pie on my own. . . . the last 2 slices at 10:30 p.m. Plus, I have not exercised since injuring my finger. So I was not at all surprised to see the scale up this morning. Saddened, but not surprised. :)

KC & I are going to go to a comedy show at a bar for a while this evening with our new MeetUp group. The bar is less than 2 blocks from my apartment. If it weren't so close, I doubt I'd bother, but I've been wanting to check the place out, too. I kind of dread changing clothes, reapplying makeup, and redoing my hair on a work night. But I want to see some of the other folks in the group.

Friday night I am supposed to meet a guy from match for a drink. He sounds nice enough, and he is younger: 31. I can't decide whether I want to do it or not. . . but now I've already committed myself so I should follow through. Don't know whether this will be a love connection or not. Hmmmm.

Looks like I am back to my usual boring, mundane posts. :)

Where were you when you heard the news?

As I'm sure is true for most of us, I have a vivid memory of where I was and what I was doing when I first heard of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.

I was a few weeks into my first semester of law school at the University of Arizona, living in Tucson. I had just gotten out of the shower--it was a little before 8:00 a.m. in Arizona, and my first class was at 9:00--when my landline phone rang. I received few calls on that line, and almost none before 8:00 a.m.

When I answered the phone, it was a law school friend of mine, C. C said "Have you turned on the TV this morning? They're reporting that someone bombed the World Trade Center or something." After a few seconds of disbelief, I turned on the TV and saw the first images of the first plane hitting the World Trade Center. At this point, no one seemed to know whether what had happened was a tragic accident or an intentional act by persons unknown.

As news reports continued and I learned that another plane had hit the Pentagon, my first thought was for my sister, V, who at the time worked only a few blocks from the White House. I thought that if any place might be another target, it could be the White House. I had a hard time reaching V at first; when I finally did, she said that nearly everyone was leaving the city and that the DC streets were totally gridlocked.

I called my parents and several close friends in other parts of the country to make sure that they were OK, then headed to school. The mood there was somber. TVs had been set up in the lobby, and many students were watching the endless news reports. Everyone was quiet, shocked into disbelief. (A rare thing with future lawyers, to be sure.)

I'll never forget seeing the news footage of those poor people jumping from the building before it collapsed, or the feelings of uncertainty and fear that we all felt as we watched helplessly. Though unlike many, I was never naive enough, even before 9/11, to think that we Americans were truly "safe" from terrorism, seeing events like these actually unfolding was very traumatic.

I suppose I am fortunate in that no one I knew personally was killed in the attacks. Still, there is no doubt that the attacks had a profound effect on our country and life as we knew it. Our world has changed. . . and not for the better.

Ouch

Here is an example of the tragic results of my attempting to prepare a meal. (A warning: this is not for the squeamish. . . )







































On the plus side, the doctor who sutured me up was cute, single, and quite personable. :)

First time

210.2 (so close. . . . )

I saw 209.6 on the scale Friday morning and haven't been under 210 since! Well, my eating hasn't been horrible since Friday, but it hasn't been great either. Friday night at happy hour, I didn't eat much, but what I did eat wasn't very healthful: tostada, taco, enchiladas, and a margarita. Mom and I went out for brunch yesterday, then got take away from Pei Wei last night for dinner. I had a stir-fry with tofu & vegetables with brown rice, so it was relatively healthy. . . but I know the portion was more-than-a-meal, and eating Asian food always makes me retain water because of all the sodium.

Today hasn't started out too much better. We went out for brunch again, and I had cream cheese-filled crepes, in addition to eggs and sausage. I do have a healthy dinner planned, though: chicken breasts stuffed with green chile and a tossed salad with avocado, tomatoes, and provolone.

And I *did* do my treadmill workout this morning. (You know: the one I'm supposed to be doing 5 mornings a week. LOL) I slightly increased my jogging vs walking time and completed my 2 miles in 30 minutes, 44 seconds. Again, I note that I have been full of energy all day after getting in my morning exercise. You'd think that alone would encourage me to do it regularly.

Things are quite different here at my apartment with my mom here. She loves to watch TV, so it has been on pretty much nonstop since she returned Friday. (She does at least turn it off at bedtime.) She's watched several classic movies; they have been a special interest of hers since I was a child (& probably before that!). At least they beat the usual drivel that's on the TV. . . and they certainly are better than most of the shows to which SL used to subject me!

I don't realize how much I appreciate my "aloneness" until someone is here 24/7. So in addition to the enjoyment Mom's visit has brought me, it's a good reminder to appreciate my usual daily life.

Mom had her first-ever Starbucks coffee today. She said it was "too strong and too expensive." :)

Putting myself out there

212.2 (aw man!)

KC and I went to happy hour as planned last night. Here's photographic proof:

Honestly, I don't think KC had that great a time--she didn't seem to, anyway--but maybe it is just harder for her to "get back out there" than it is for me. (She is still in love with her most recent ex-boyfriend.) I had fun. The crowd was a little older than I'd hoped, but in a way it was nice to be one of the younger (and, if I may immodestly say so, more attractive) women there. LOL Two different guys spent quite a bit of time talking to him; I'm sure they were both interested in me (it was pretty obvious). The first one didn't appeal to me as a romantic prospect; the second one kind-of did and was pretty attractive. And I saw a third man I found attractive; we exchanged a few glances and smiles but never actually talked.

I met several women, too, who were fun to chat with. All in all, I like the group and am sure I will attend other group activities. That's one of the reasons I didn't pursue anything with the second guy I talked with: I figure I will likely see him again. (Ditto for #3.)

I posted some new photos on my match.com profile. Response to my profile has increased significantly since they were approved, and two men with whom I've already been chatting also emailed raving about the new shots. :) So I guess KK and V were right.

J also browsed my profile on Thursday night. (To, as he said, give his "unsolicited opinion.") He said the old photos I had "didn't do [me] justice" and suggested new ones. So I guess he was right, too.

I have a handful of prospects from match at the moment. "M" is a 42-year-old, never married guy, who lists his job as "real estate investor." We had a 20-minute chat on the phone Thursday night; he was articulate and sounds interesting. I have a few questions in my mind about him, but no per se red flags.

"D" is my age, twice divorced, has a 7-year-old son, and works in IT. We "chatted" on Yahoo messenger Friday night for about 90 minutes. Despite his baggage (2 ex-wives & a kid), I actually think I'm a bit more interested in him than in M. We share quite a few similar interests, and he has the kind of quirky sense of humor I like. . . plus he seems really sweet.

BUT it's early days yet: I haven't even meet either of these men face-to-face yet. Who knows how I'll feel once we meet?

I think I am going to meet D for a drink one night this week after work; we "talked" about it last night and exchanged phone numbers. M has not suggested a face-to-face meeting yet, but I believe it is merely a matter of time until he does; we had a good conversation, and he has emailed me at least three more times since we talked. So clearly he's interested.

In addition to M and D, I have exchanged emails with a few other guys who seem to have potential. But we'll see. I've also fielded several emails from guys who could never be contenders, for various reasons, but that is par for the course with this online dating thing.

My mom is back as of yesterday afternoon. We walked the dog this morning, then went to brunch. Otherwise, we've been mostly hanging around the office. I wanted to spend this weekend spending time with her; don't want her to feel neglected. She is going to be here for most of the next six weeks or so, so obviously we won't be spending ALL our time together. . . but I want to spend some time with her. This weekend was ideal: no looming deadlines at work; KC is working; J is swamped with schoolwork and couldn't hang out anyway; KH and V are out of town; and C has other stuff going on. So I'm not really sacrificing anything. . . but Mom doesn't know that. ;)

Weight

209.6

That is all. Just had to share.

Tooting my horn

211.4

KC & I met for dinner last night (healthy, salad with dressing on side) at one of my favorite restaurants near me. They have fabulous bread, but I am proud to say that I limited myself to one piece with no butter. I can always have more on another day. . . . it wasn't my last supper.

I'm proud of myself: I walked Sebastian last night again (2 nights in a row, woo-hoo), and this morning, I actually got up and hit the treadmill! It took my 31 minutes, 20 seconds to walk/jog 2 miles exactly. Right now I am very sweaty (it's more humid than usual out today and already in the low 90's), but I feel fabulous! I should totally do this every morning! Woo hoo carrots!

I've had a few nibbles of interest on match in the past day or so. I'm currently emailing two guys who both sound OK. One has kids, but at least he is my age (or nearly so--37). I put up two different pictures of myself that I had randomly stored on the computer. (One is the same picture as on this blog, the other is a picture of me outside the Bellagio in Vegas in July.)

Not to toot my own horn. . . . but I've been surprised how much older than me guys my age look. I guess I haven't aged too badly. Of course, men usually don't wear makeup to conceal their flaws either, so maybe it's not a fair comparison.

KC & I are going to a happy hour on Friday with a new MeetUp group we joined. We're hoping it'll be a good way to meet some new people. I like the friends I have, but I get a little tired of hanging out with nothing but other lawyers (except KC, of course). And much as I love my friends, none of them are really in a position to introduce me to new men. . . . unless those men are lawyers. LOL

I've gotta crank out some billable hours at work today. Things have been very scattered on Tuesday & Wednesday, so I haven't billed as much as I needed to. I'm sure it'll all even out by month's end.

Discovery

210.6

It's shocking: for once, I actually had a relatively productive evening yesterday. I unpacked six of the remaining boxes in the living room. . . . and I actually put most of the stuff that came out of them away where it belongs. Also, I took Sebastian for a 20-minute walk as soon as the outside temperature dropped to 95 (around 9:30 p.m.)

The weirdest part of actually doing something around the place? It took less than an hour. That's right. I am always putting this task off with dread, and when I get off my a$$ and do it, it doesn't take half the time I thought it would.

While unpacking, I also ran across a lot of things I forgot I had. Good times.

I had good intentions to get up this morning and hit the treadmill, but I had a hard time falling asleep (maybe I went for the walk too close to bedtime?), so there was no way I was getting out of bed at 6:00. Ah well. Baby steps.

Re the match.com thing: the consensus (among 2 close friends & my sister) seems to be that the photos I posted on my profile are unflattering. (Washed out, bad hair day, one didn't like one of my outfits.) I have taken them down, but will have to wait until at least this weekend to take more. Needless to say, with no photos at all, my profile is not generating any emails. . . but that's to be expected. We all know that men are visual creatures.

I liked the number I saw on the scale this morning! It'd be nice to break under 210 soon.

Babies & my Granny

Another friend of mine told me today that she is pregnant. I am very excited for my friends N & R (who I met in law school). They have been married for nearly 9 years and are one of the few truly happy married couples I know; I have long thought they had a remarkably stable relationship. They had been trying to conceive for almost a year, so this is very exciting news.

I got an email today from another law school classmate of mine that she had her baby early this morning. I know of at least two other law school classmates who are having babies before the end of this year, and my friend KK from college is pregnant with her third baby.

All these little babies! Honestly, any time someone who is a functional member of society wants to bring a new life into the world, I'm all for it. I'm happy for my friends.

Today would have been my paternal grandmother's 104th birthday. She passed away in 1988, so she's been gone for almost 19 years. "Granny" will always be very special to me; even after all this time, there is still hardly a day that goes by that I don't think of her. She came from Ireland to live with us when I was one-year-old; after my parents' divorce, she was really more like a mother to my sister and me than our actual mother. (We lived with my dad post-divorce and only saw my mom two or three times a month.)

Granny was very loving, but also strict. She was a devout Catholic who prayed the rosary daily. . . and sometimes became a little impatient with my "American" way of questioning our faith. Granny often said that she only ever had one boyfriend--her husband. Granny devoted her life to taking care of her family; she actually enjoyed "keeping house" and cooking. I came home from school every day to her home-baked brown bread; she preferred to make our beds herself, as we didn't do them up to her standards (to this day, I find it hard to remember to make my own bed!).

Granny was Irish to the core; aside from one year of living in New York right before the Great Depression, she only came to the U.S. to live at age 69. She had a lovely brogue and thought that Ireland was "a little bit of heaven that fell from the sky." She told us wonderful stories about leprechauns and distant ancestors.

Most of my best childhood memories involve Granny in some way; I was very blessed to grow up with her.

I love you still, Granny! I know that you are in heaven, praying for me.

Lazy

212.4

Once again, I am a lazy ass. I reset the alarm 3 times and just got up at 8:00. . . so no exercise this morning. Grrrr. . . . why do I have so little self-discipline??

Still no results from match.com. I got one email from a 55-year-old man in Yuma. First of all, Yuma is hours away; second, 55? Hello??! Whatever. I'm beginning to think I have thrown away the money I spent on this membership. It's weird how just 3-4 years and 30 lbs makes such a difference; I'd have thought that here in Phoenix, with a bigger dating pool, I'd have more results. Ah well.

I need to just let it go and forget about it.

Blah day

214.4 (yikes!)

No work today because of Labor Day. I have basically done nothing but laze around. My apartment continues to be in a state of chaos, I have at least 8-10 boxes that I have not yet unpacked. . . but I just didn't feel like doing anything today. I've been in a funk, but don't have a specific reason that I can put my finger on for my bad mood.

KC & I posted our profiles on match.com last night after returning home from the D-backs game. So far no one who interests me has emailed, but it's been less than 24 hours and it's a holiday weekend, so I suppose it's too soon to jump to conclusions about the ultimate outcome. I suspect that the level of interest that I saw when I did this back in late '03/early '04 will be significantly less this time. . . . if for no other reason, because I am 30 lbs heavier and 3 years older. Well, we'll see.

I couldn't even prod myself in the a$$ enough to make myself walk/run on the treadmill today. Ho hum.

Looking for inspiration

Maybe this will help. . . .

Odd dream

212.8 (whatever)

Just before waking up this morning, I had the oddest dream about SL (my ex-fiance of 5 months, for those not in the know). One of the weird parts about it is that it didn't leave me feeling upset.

In my dream, SL had become part of an up-and-coming rock band and was going on tour. (He was still working as a lawyer at the same firm for his "day job," though.) This part in and of itself is weird because SL has no musical talents whatsoever and is definitely not a performer in any sense of that word: he refuses to sing (though I've heard him once drunk, and he has a pleasant enough voice) and the closest he's ever come to playing any musical instrument is rockin' out to Guitar Hero on the Playstation2.

I learned through the grapevine that he was going away and, for some reason, felt compelled to go and say goodbye to him. I also learned that he had a new girlfriend, 21 years old. As rumor had it, she was actually his second girlfriend since me. (His first was a dead ringer for a beautiful blond woman I worked with in Plano, TX, back in late 1998.)

For some reason, I met the girlfriend first; she drove me to SL's place in her car (a convertible, natch). She was gorgeous: far superior to me in every physical way. Slender, but womanly; beautiful, long, shampoo-commercial-quality dark brown hair; perfect features. Her name was Lisa, and she was actually very nice to me. As we talked, it became clear that she was enamored of SL, but also that she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. She "couldn't believe" that I was 36 years old.

Then I went to SL's apartment, where he was packing up his gear for the road trip. SL looked the same, except that he had gained weight and was dressing "flashier." He was very happy to see me and hugged me with great affection. He asked if I would keep an eye on his place and gave me his car keys. When I asked why he didn't ask Lisa to keep an eye on his stuff, he just shrugged. (A man of few words even in my dreams.)

While we were very affectionate, it was in a totally sexless way. It was like we were best friends, but even in the dream, we hadn't seen each other in months. The dream ended when some other guys from "the band" came in and told SL they were ready to go.

Not sure what (if anything) this dream means, but I wanted to post it while it's still fresh in my mind. If nothing else, it's more interesting than the drivel I've been writing on here of late. ;)

No shockers here. . .

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

You Are Destined to Struggle With Your Weight

Like most people, you find it a little difficult to stay at at weight you're comfortable with. If you change a few habits and make food less important, you may find the struggle hardly exists anymore.

Are You Destined To Be Overweight?

Your Vocabulary Score: A

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary! You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness. Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all. In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted. And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Random

211.6

Once again, the scale makes no sense to me. I only exercised one day this past week, and after coming home from work yesterday, I gave into temptation and had Mexican food (carne asada tacos, plus some rice & refried beans). I also had a bowl of cereal close to bedtime. Yet despite these things which would logically make the scale go up, I weigh less today than I've weighed the past two days, and I'm back to what I weighed on Tuesday. Weird. I'll take it: it just doesn't make sense.

I did not feel like going out or doing anything last night, so I stayed home and watched TV. . . . something I rarely do (now that I'm not living with SL anymore). I watched the movie 13 Going on 30 with Jennifer Garner, which was predictable, but cute; then I caught the tail-end of Hitch--I love Will Smith.

I was very lazy. And I have to admit, it was nice. I didn't even read or surf the internet--just flat watched TV. Didn't even talk on the phone, which is almost unheard-of for me.

These happy-ending movies did make a bit depressed. . . . especially 13 Going on 30. We can't all go back to an earlier time in our lives and make love turn out right, as I have learned over the past few months with J. Ah well. It was still nice to relax and veg out.

Today a new mattress & box spring are being delivered; I bought them after work yesterday. (My mom is coming back on Wednesday, and I didn't want to continue to sleep on the air mattress once she returns. . . it has killed my back.) KC is coming over to help me assemble my new Ikea bedroom furniture. So my bedroom will be totally changed by the time I go to bed tonight. I'm also going to go to Bed, Bath, & Beyond today to buy a mattress pad and perhaps a new comforter or coverlet for the new bed. Good times.

KC and I are going out tonight, too. I always really liked the bar we are going to back in 2000 when we lived in Phx before; it'll be interesting to see how the crowd there is changed and how I feel about it now that I'm 7 years older.

I scored free tickets to the D-backs game on Sunday from someone through work. They're good seats: in the area right behind the dugout, about halfway back. The team has been playing well, so it should be fun. This will be only the second game I've been to this season. . . . both with free tickets. LOL

Gotta go hit the treadmill before my delivery guy arrives.