I feel icky

213.4

I am feeling decidedly sub-par today. The head cold that started as a scratchy throat on Sunday evening has now fully developed. I didn't sleep much last night because my congestion made it hard to find a comfortable position that allowed me to breathe. Ugh.

On the plus side. . . . my right piriformis muscle is doing much better. I swam laps on Sunday for exercise because I am still avoiding walking, jogging, and the elliptical trainer. I drove to Tucson and back yesterday for a deposition--five hours sitting for the drive alone, not including the 2+ hours in the deposition--and had only an occasional mild twinge. A far cry from the red hot poker of pain I'd been having. I am optimistic that by early next week I can resume the elliptical trainer and walking (I'll probably avoid jogging because I think that caused a big part of the problem in the first place).

I have a massage scheduled for this evening. I have the usual tightness in my neck and upper back and am going to also ask the therapist to work on my right piriformis and the surrounding area. Lying on my stomach for the massage with this head congestion should be a real joy--NOT.

We did have a nice weekend. Friday night we had dinner and drinks with some friends of MM's, and that was fun. Saturday night we had dinner at my in-laws because one of my MIL's cousins and her family were in town from North Dakota. After dinner, we went to a hockey game. Sunday we did nothing except the usual household chores, but it was actually kind of nice to have anything else going on.

MM sent me a dozen red roses for Valentine's Day and also bought me a sapphire necklace. What a good husband! He was happy with the CDs I got him and didn't feel bad that his gifts to me were much more expensive. ;-)

Gotta try to get some shizz done. . .

Self-Love Day 2009

I'm posting this blog entry in honor of self-love day 2009. Here's how it works: I'm going to share something that I love about myself and ask anyone reading this blog entry to share something you love about me, too.

What do I love about me? I have to admit that I have a pretty healthy self-esteem, so while I realize that I'm far from perfect--hell, most of this blog is about my imperfections and struggles--I also don't find it hard to name something I love about myself.

I love that I am intelligent. No matter what career path one chooses, having a little bit more smarts than the next guy is always a plus. Over the (many) years I was a student, my native intelligence has allowed me to spend countless hours surfing the 'net, reading, and just generally chillin' while others studied. ;-)

In contrast to my entries for the past two self-love days, when I posted about qualities that I have cultivated in myself (self-awareness and being a good friend), the fact that I am intelligent is through no fault of my own. Nope, just a God-given gift. And boy am I fortunate.

87%

215.4 (ugh)

Yesterday was the last day of my 30-day exercise challenge, and I fell a little short of my goal. I will say, though, that my decision not to exercise yesterday was not made out of laziness. I really wanted to work out, but made a conscious choice not to due to the issue I'm having with my right hip/buttock. It stinks.

Although I'd really hoped to achieve 100% compliance, 26 days out of 30 is about 87% or an average of about six days a week. I'm pretty proud of that.

Not sure why the scale is up again. I had KFC for dinner, which I imagine is quite high in sodium, so perhaps that's why.

When I looked back on my entry for this same time last year, I realized that I'm about 10-12 lbs heavier now than I was then. Bummer!

Not much else to share. I aim to start my 30-day challenge for eating nine servings and fruits and vegetables a day next Tuesday.

In short

214.4 (late dinner)

I'm too lazy to write a full-fledged entry for today, so bullet points it is. (Yeah, I know they're actually asterisks; bullet points didn't show up in the post for some unknown reason. . . )

**I got to visit my friend C's four-week-old baby last night. I was amazed how much he'd grown in just the little over two weeks since I last saw him. He is very cute and a good baby.

**My "30 days of exercise" challenge ends today. Assuming I exercise tonight, I will have worked out 27 of the last 30 days. And even if I skip tonight, I've already exercised 26 of the past 30 days. Not too shabby!

**My 30-day exercise challenge has left me with some discomfort beyond just the expected sore muscles. Because I always walk, walk/jog, or do the elliptical trainer, I have not always been diligent about stretching, and I probably need new shoes, I have managed to irritate my right piriformis muscle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piriformis_muscle). It hurts most when I'm sitting, which is GREAT when you have a desk job. [sigh] I've been stretching at least twice a day (it's super tight, especially when compared with the left) and applying heat and ice, and it seems to be improving. But yikes. It's also caused numbess and tingling in my right thigh in addition to the pain. Not fun.

**Even though my 30-day challenge is over, I am going to continue to exercise at least five days a week. I feel so much better than I did before I started, and it truly is beginning to feel like a habit to me. Shocking!

**I am gradually gearing up for my next 30-day challenge by beginning to eat more fruit this week. Because fruit is easier to prepare and take along--and because I like them better--I figured I'd start with fruits before veggies.

**I have my first piano lesson tonight! I've wanted to learn to play since I was a child. A friend at work gave me an electronic keyboard that her sons no longer use so I will be able to practice at home between lessons, too.

**I still need to buy part of MM's Valentine's Day gift. I feel a bit pressured about getting things he will like because he got me some awesome gifts last year (http://lovesseabass.blogspot.com/2008/02/presidents-day.html) and has hinted that he got me something "over the top" this year. (He bought my Valentine's Day gift before Christmas, actually.) So far, I've bought him two CDs by The Samples (a band he once mentioned that he loved in college and hadn't heard in years) and am planning on getting him some quality gummy bears and a nice card, too. I may also bust out and go to Victoria's Secret (with a gift card my friend N sent me for my wedding--thanks, N) and get some sexy underwear or something. I have the feeling he's still going to out-gift me, though. Suggestions?

**I got tickets this week for MM and I to go the Jimmy Buffett concert in May! We are psyched about it. Neither of us have never seen him in concert and we have both wanted to for a long time; it's just so hard to get tickets 'cause they usually sell out fast.

**Work is slow. Not managably slow. More like "I don't have enough to do" slow. It stinks. I'd prefer being hella busy to this.

**Because I've been feeling that I'm in something of a life rut, I've been researching activities for MM and me to do on the weekends. This weekend is set: we have dinner with friends on Friday, a hockey game on Saturday, and dinner with his folks on Sunday. The following weekend we are going to Tucson to visit M for her 9th birthday, so next weekend is pretty full, too. After that, I want to hike at least every other week while the weather is still cool enough, and I want to go to the Renaissance Faire. (I've been talking about it since law school and have never gone.) Not sure what else to plan. There is lots to do in Arizona, but it has to be within an hour's drive of us because MM hates driving distances. ;-)

**I'm a dork I know, but I'm loving Facebook. I have become reacquainted with several people I hadn't talked to in YEARS, and it's been so fun! (Could also be related to the fact that I am not busy at work. . . )

Becoming Zen

Is the author of the blog Zen Habits reading my blog to get ideas? ;-)

After my post yesterday, I found this in my feed reader this morning: http://zenhabits.net/2009/02/conquer-the-fears-lurking-in-the-dark-corners-of-your-mind/#comments.

I thought it was an interesting coincidence that this appeared the morning after I posted about my greatest fear. I also find the post to be good practical advice for conquering many fears.

Not sure how to practically apply his suggestions to my particular fear, though. . . .

Fear

There are four ways you can handle fear. You can go over it, under it, or around it. But if you are ever to put fear behind you, you must walk straight through it. Once you put fear behind you, leave it there.
~Donna A. Favors

213.2

I came to a realization during my Saturday morning acupuncture session. For those of you who've never had acupuncture--I was in this category until a few weeks ago--once the practitioner inserts the needles, you basically just lie still and relax for 20-30 minutes once they're in. You really can't move around because you'd dislodge the needles. Because of this forced inactivity, it's easy to relax and to meditate (or cogitate) during acupuncture.

I have been growing increasingly more unhappy every month that I've been off the pill and have not gotten pregnant. This month things finally got to the point where I spent a good portion of Friday crying off and on. (I *rarely* cry. Normally I can go months and months without crying over anything.)

Because this type of reaction is so unlike me, I found myself analyzing the reasons behind it. Trying to conceive and being unsuccessful month after month is frustrating, to be sure. Frustration is usually not enough to make me cry, though. A huge part of trying to get pregnant is completely outside my control. Really, all I can do is take care of my body, have sex at the right times, and pray. But although I hate not being in control, especially over big things feeling out of control also isn't something that I'd generally cry over.

As I lay on the acupuncture table relaxing, it finally came to me. I am upset because I am afraid. Afraid that I won't ever get pregnant. Afraid that I will never bear a child of my own. Afraid that I will never be a mother. And afraid of the toll that this may eventually take on my relationship with MM.

It is fear, not frustration or impatience, that has made me cry. Fear and uncertainty. Fear that has developed over the past ten months that I have been off the pill and not gotten pregnant. Fear that seems less unfounded with each passing unsuccessful cycle.

It's not the waiting that's getting to me. Hell, I have already waited many, many years to even TRY to get pregnant. I waited years to meet someone I could marry, someone I loved enough and with whom I had a healthy enough relationship to have a fighting chance of success in marriage. I am experienced at waiting for things. I may not like it, but I'm accustomed to it.

If I knew for sure that I would get pregnant someday, so long as we keep trying, I believe that my fear would subside. But in this arena, there are no guarantees for any woman who is almost 38 years old and has never conceived. There is no way, short of divine intervention, for me to ever KNOW that I will eventually be pregnant.

I don't know that there is a way to walk through this fear. Certainly I have visualized a life where I never have a child of my own. . . . but deep down inside, I never thought that it would be the life I'd ultimately live.

I will say that it's been a recurrent theme in my life that few things turn out the way I thought they would. Each time life has taken an unexpected turn, I've ended up being happier with the life I have than with the life I had planned.

I can't imagine, though, that I would ever get to a point where I'd be truly OK with never being a mother. But maybe I will.

Tagged

THE RULES: Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own. Step 2: tag— tag eight other un-tagged people. So, here we go!

Make a list of things you can see without getting up: A framed photo of Sebastian; a box of paperback books; a photo of MM and me taken at the Venetian last November just before our wedding; my BlackBerry; a photo of my nephew Rowan; a framed print I bought in Ireland in 2002; a lead crystal carving of a Golden Retriever; my digital camera; my wedding photos (waiting to go into the album); some bills.

What were you like when you were five? I was inquisitive and loved to learn.

What are you wearing now? A black Guinness T-shirt and black lounge pants.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? Just finished Goodnight Nobdoy by Jennifer Weiner today.

Do you nap a lot? When I have the time.

Who was the last person you hugged? My husband

What’s your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Don't really have one

What was the last thing you ate today? A hamburger cooked by MM

What is the best purchase you've ever made? Toyota Prius

What websites do you always visit when you go online? bloglines, facebook, google, yahoo

What was the last thing you bought? Fry bread

What are you listening to right now? ESPN's Sports Center

If you could have any super power, what would it be? The ability to turn dog poo into gold

What is your favorite weather, and why? Phoenix winter weather: 70s, clear, sunny

What time do you usually get up? 7:45

What is your most challenging goal right now? Getting organized

Say something to the person who tagged you: Thanks for the blog entry idea! ;-)

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? On Maui

Favorite vacation spot? Can't really pick A favorite. I can visit DC again and again

What is your favorite children’s book? The Velveteen Rabbit

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you: Chocolate

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be? Jesus

Favorite song: Currently, Single Ladies by Beyonce

Name one thing you would most like to change about yourself: My weight.

Name a bad habit: I tend to obsess about things in a negative way.

What are you looking forward to this year? Seeing my nephew next month, and celebrating all our "firsts" as a married couple: first Valentine's Day, first Easter, etc.

Benefits of daily exercise

213.2



I only have six days left in the 30 days from my original 30-day challenge; my first day of exercise to start my streak was January 13th. (I remember because a good friend had a baby the same day.) Assuming I work out every day for the next six--and I see no reason at the moment why this can't happen--I will have worked out 28 of the 30 days.

A 93%. Not 100%, but not too shabby. Actually, just having worked out 22 of the past 24 days works out to slightly more than six days a week of exercise. Excellent! For the past 3+ weeks, I have FINALLY been doing MORE exercise than my doctor recommended.

I have to say, I have seen LOADS of benefits from this daily exercise thing. I am sleeping better and snoring less. (Yes, I sometimes snore. Poor MM.) My energy level is higher--and more constant--throughout the day. Because my energy level is higher, I am able to concentrate better at work. (Well, I *would* be able to concentrate better if I wasn't preoccupied with non-work stuff.) I am finally, FINALLY having fewer headaches: I've only had one (mild) migraine since the 30-day challenge started and fewer tension headaches. When I do have to take medication for a headache, I can take less and the headaches don't last as long.

I perceive a significant difference in my exercise endurance, too. I can jog longer, go faster, and generally feel better while working out than I did before. It's no longer a struggle to get through a 30-minute workout. In fact, most days I quite enjoy it. For example, I had a kick-ass 30-minute workout on the elliptical trainer last night at the gym. . . . so good, in fact, that when the 30-minute program ended, I hopped on the treadmill and jogged for five more minutes! I certainly didn't do that prior to this challenge.

Because I have also quit caffeine, started acupuncture, and gone for an hour-long massage every other week since starting this 30-day challenge, I cannot say with absolute certainty that all the things I mentioned above are attributable to (almost) daily exercise.

The scale hasn't really changed much with increasing my exercise, but I do notice I am slightly firmer in places, and MM says I look a little smaller to him. And honestly, I didn't start this challenge to lose weight (though it would've been nice!), so I'm fine with this.

I am on board with doing another 30-day challenge, and my next one will be to actually eat the RDA-recommended nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day. I've been reading up on ways to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet. Assuming I can get to the grocery store on the 16th and get prepared, I will probably start on the 17th because I want to complete my exercise challenge first and want to start at the beginning of a week. (Our office is closed the 16th for Presidents' Day.)

I think that this next challenge will be tougher for me than the exercise challenge. We shall see!

Insensitive much?

213.8

You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.
~Maya Angelou

Now that I've reached an age where 40 no longer seems old, I've sometimes had cause to reflect on things I've done and said in the past. At no time has this been more true than since MM and I started actively trying to have a child of our own. As I've written here before, I naively thought that this endeavor would be accomplished in a relatively short time. Certainly no longer than six months. I was even concerned for a while that I'd get pregnant before we were married. (This seems laughable to me now.)

When I was younger, I used to routinely ask couples who'd been married more than six months when they were going to have a baby. It never occurred to me that the mere question might cause some of these people pain.

Likewise, I used to have no qualms about asking a couple whose only child was at least 2 when/if they planned to have another. Again, I never realized that there might be reasons that this wasn't part of their plan.

I used to think that women who were willing to put their bodies and minds through all sorts of stress with fertility treatments were missing the point and that they should "just adopt." I used to think that I would never subject myself to all that "unnecessary" poking, prodding and stress.

I used to think that when the day came that I decided to have a baby of my own, I'd have some fun, passionate, unprotected sex and get the job done in no time flat. I figured I would even have the luxury of deciding which month of the year might be most convenient for me to be giving birth.

I used to think (though, thank goodness, I never said to anyone) that maybe people who couldn't have a baby on their own "weren't meant to be parents."

I used to think (though, again, I never said to anyone) that people who were trying for a while to get pregnant should "just relax and stop trying."

I have learned a lot in the past several months.

#500

212.6

This post is my 500th, and I can't even be bothered to think of something interesting to write about. I'm in a funk today for the same reason I've been in a funk many, many times over the past ten months.

I couldn't let the day go by without posting my lower weight, though! And that's even after having a HUGE dinner out with my friend M yesterday before the gym.

90% is still an A

213.2







As my ticker shows, I missed another day of working out since my last post: this one was last night. Again, I did walk the dog to the park and back, but I don't count that as a workout; it's activity, yes, but I definitely don't get my heart rate up.

I had tummy problems yesterday morning (no, not morning sickness), so I stayed home from work. I felt better in the evening, but still run-down and generally lethargic (despite a 4-hour nap). So those were my reasons (excuses) for not working out.

Anyway. Onward and upward. I've brought my workout clothes with me to work today and I'll be meeting MM at the gym as usual this evening.

Aside from the after effects of yesterday's GI upset, I feel pretty much back to normal today. Don't have much of an appetite, though, but hey! That's a good thing. All I've eaten today is a packet of instant organic oatmeal, and even though it's 2:00 here, I'm still not hungry. I'm not knockin' it! Just drinking water continuously.

One of the partners settled a case today which was going to trial in two weeks. I've been working a lot on that case the last few weeks, so I can now focus on other things. The settlement was an excellent outcome for our client, so I am happy about it for that reason as well.

Today's post is #499. Gonna try to make the next one special. . . .

Broke my streak

212.8 (ah, the irony!)

Yesterday I continued to be unusually and inexplicably tired, and in the late afternoon I started getting a headache as well. So I went home, put a hot compress on my neck and shoulders, and went to sleep.

I was awakened by a phone call from MM a little after 6 p.m.--almost two hours after I'd gone to sleep--and at that time my headache was worse, but not so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep until 8 p.m.

When I woke up at 8, I had a full-on migraine. (I will still NEVER understand how a headache can get worse--or even develop--while I'm sleeping!). I took some Excedrin--even though I am giving up caffeine--and by 9:00 I felt a bit better. Still not 100%, though.

Unfortunately, I didn't feel well enough to work out. I did take Sebastian to the park--about a 15-minute round-trip walk with a 10-minute break at the park for him to run--but I didn't do any other exercise yesterday. :-(

Ah well. If I end up working out "only" 29 days out of 30, I will still be pretty happy with that. It certainly represents a significant increase in exercise from what I had been doing! I'd hoped for 100% compliance, but perhaps that was too lofty a goal. I will be working out tonight for sure, so it's "right back on the horse" today.

After a full night's sleep (yes, in spite of having slept almost four hours in the afternoon/evening), I woke up today feeling refreshed and back to normal. And shock of shocks, the scale was the lowest it's been since I started this 30-day challenge. WTF is up with that?!

Tomorrow is my second acupuncture session. I am certainly going to mention to the doc that my headaches continue (though it seems that their frequency and severity is decreasing). I'm looking forward to the session, truth be told: the first one was quite relaxing.

Weekend plans: relaxing night at home tonight with MM; eye doctor, leg wax, and acupuncture tomorrow, with lunch with KC worked in, followed by a Coyotes hockey game in the evening. Sunday will be loads of household chores--I'm woefully behind on them--and dinner with the in-laws.

TGIF!

So.inexplicably.tired

215.2 (figures)

Just as I suspected: the scale is back up today. The fact that dinner last night was a late meal of spaghetti and meatballs (and salad & breadsticks) at the Olive Garden is a likely contributing factor.

Ever since my alarm went off the first time this morning, I have been so very, very tired. I have no explanation for why I'm so tired. I went to bed at a decent hour and got a good and full night's sleep. I exercised yesterday after work, just as I have for all of the last sixteen days. I took my herbs and nutritional supplements just as usual. I'm drinking plenty of water.

I so badly want a cup of coffee, but I am staying strong. It helps that I really don't like the coffee that my firm provides; in order to have a cup of coffee I'd enjoy, I'd have to actually drive to the nearest Starbucks about five minutes away.

I'm too tired to think of anything more interesting to write, and I have a bunch of work stuff I've gotta get done. Maybe I'll take a brisk walk around the block and see if that helps. . . .

Edited to add: I did a brisk 10-minute walk outside, and I think it helped. It is a beautiful sunny day outside. It felt good just to get outdoors for a little while.

Halfway there. . .

213.2

As of last night's workout, I am halfway through my 30-day workout challenge. I am quite proud of myself and am already noticing many positive effects from exercising daily. This morning, the scale was actually down a little, too. . . . even though I actually ate quite a bit last night. I don't trust it, though. We'll see what it does over the next few days. It's apt to go back up again.

I was thinking last night as I was on the phone with a friend in Tucson that one downside of this daily exercise challenge is that I've become more boring. Every evening after work, I go straight to the gym. After getting home, eating dinner, and spending some time with Sebastian, I really don't do much of anything else except maybe read for a while.

To be fair, part of the reason I don't do much else in the evenings is also because I am electing to spend time with my husband in lieu of doing other things. So I guess in that sense I'm just becoming a boring married person. LOL

If/when I successfully complete this 30-day challenge, I think the next thing I am going to challenge myself to do is to eat more vegetables. I don't come anywhere near the recommended nine servings a day; I'm usually doing well to get in 3-4 servings.

At nearly 38 years old, with known high cholesterol and a family history of diabetes and heart disease, I'd say it's long past time for me to be focusing on forming healthy habits. . . . and not just solely for the sake of weight loss. So that's what I'll be working on this year.

One day at a time

215.0 (see?)

On contemplating my unchanging weight this morning, I was briefly reminded of an experience I had with a college boyfriend. (To maintain his anonymity, I will refer to him as "Pig Farmer." Some readers will get a chuckle out of this, for various reasons, but there is a specific reason for this moniker that will especially amuse a couple of my readers who will actually remember when I dated Pig Farmer.)

Pig Farmer was in the Army, which (as many of you may be aware) has weight restrictions for its enlistees. When Pig Farmer needed to drop a few pounds to get back under his weight limit, he would just play an extra couple of games of pick-up basketball every week. He didn't cut back on his eating or do any other type of extra exercise. . . well, to be fair, he already did daily PT *and* he was only 19 years old. But that small increase in his activity was always enough for him to drop 10-15 pounds in a couple of weeks.

Hearing Pig Farmer talk about this gave me my first window into how weight loss is different for men than it is for women. I don't know any woman (now or when I was in college) who could lose ANY weight simply by playing a little extra hoops with no dietary modifications whatsoever.

Actually, over the years I'd suspected that exercise alone would not make me lose weight, but I finally confirmed this during my first year of law school. Prior to that time, generally when I would undertake a program of regular exercise, it would be accompanied with dieting. (I was always kind of an "all or nothing" sort.) But during my first year in law school, I started working out regularly for the stress reduction and didn't really make a sincere effort to change my eating habits.

For over a year, I worked out 3-4 days a week for about 30 minutes at a time. Nothing overly strenuous: a brisk walk or the elliptical trainer. And during that year, I think I lost about two pounds.

(Eventually, once I was well in the habit of daily exercise, I did end up also modifying my eating habits and had lots of success on Weight Watchers, losing about 35 pounds in four months. But that's another post.)

Yesterday marked my 13th consecutive day of working out. My friend V and I went on a 3.8-mile hike which took us just under two hours. It was an absolutely beautiful day weather-wise, and the hike we went on--a new one for me--had some very gorgeous desert scenery and awesome views. We took Sebastian, too, so he also got a workout in. ;-)

I haven't decided yet whether I'll be going to the gym tonight or for a brisk walk around the neighborhood; it will depend in part on what time MM gets off work. But I will certainly be doing one or the other.

In addition to my daily exercise, I've quit caffeine (again). I started seeing a Traditional Chinese Medicine doc on Friday and had my first acupuncture session. She recommended that I quit caffeine and gave me various herbs to take. I haven't had a cup of coffee since Thursday morning, though I did have to break down and take some Excedrin for a mild headache on Saturday afternoon.

Surprisingly, unlike the last time I tried to give up coffee, my energy level and concentration have both been fine. Not sure if this is due to my daily exercise, the acupuncture, the herbs, or just plain good luck. . . . but I'll take it. ;-)

In other news. . . . Mom left yesterday morning to begin her trek back home to Ohio. I will miss her. Although he gets along well with her, MM is glad she's gone. She *was* with us for nearly three months, so I can see why he feels this way. He is looking forward to our having our house to ourselves again. . . for the first time as a married couple.

P.S. I am coming up on 500 posts and would like to post "something special" for post #500. Any suggestions for a topic?

12 days down

216.2 (yep, it's up)

Don't have much to write about, but wanted to update on my 30-day challenge. Today was my 12th consecutive day of exercise, and I had a GREAT workout. I can already perceive an increase in my endurance, and I'm having to work harder to get my heart rate up. Hard to believe I'm already seeing progress.

Even better, I have more energy and am sleeping better at night. AND. . . I'm giving up coffee. Yep. I haven't had any caffeine at all since Thursday morning (except the caffeine in a dose of Excedrin I had to take this afternoon for a mild headache).

Today is my mom's last day with us. I hope she has a safe journey back to Ohio.

Suitable for children?

An experience I had today made me think of an issue on which I'm interested to hear the opinions of other intelligent women. ;-)

Is there anywhere that it is inappropriate to take your pre-school-aged children?

When I was a hospital nurse, I thought it was highly inappropriate when people brought their small children in to visit. I believe an exception can be made in instances when the child is coming to see a dying (or at least gravely ill) relative--especially a parent, grandparent, or sibling--but nearly all the chlidren I saw were there with parents who were visiting someone who would be returning home from the hospital in, at most, a few days.

Hospitals are full of germs, as well as many other hazards, so bringing small children there risks their health. Small children also harbor lots of germs themselves, putting the (already sick) patients at (further) risk of infections.

As a prosecutor, I often saw people bringing their small children to court for criminal sentencings, and sometimes even for trials. I never thought that seeing "Daddy," "Mommy," or "Uncle So-and-So" in an orange jumpsuit on his/her way to prison was a good thing for those children. . . . not to mention the fact that small children often disrupt these types of proceedings when they attend.

Many is the time that I've watched R-rated movies and other patrons have brought their small children along. Sometimes these were movies that gave *me* nightmares.

I couldn't imagine taking my own small child to any of the above places (or some others), and yet others apparently thought that this behavior was appropriate.

Is it me? Is it because I don't have kids? Is there something I don't "get"?

Don't get me wrong: I *love* kids! I don't even mind them in upscale restaurants or other similar places where I've heard others say they'd rather not see them. I just think that some places are "not suitable for children."

Please weigh in.

Everything happens for a reason

215.6 (note how 8 consecutive days of working out has not moved this number down)

I notice that often when something negative or undesirable happens to us, friends and family reassure us by repeating the phrase that is the title of this post: "everything happens for a reason."

I know I've had discussions with at least a couple of my friends about whether, in fact, this is the case. . . . or whether we just frame things this way in retrospect. As an example, some might say that the "reason" that things didn't work out with my ex-fiance SL and me was so that "something better" could come into my life in the form of my relationship with MM.

BUT. . . . did my break-up with SL REALLY happen so that I could meet and marry MM? Couldn't it simply be that I broke up with SL because not marrying him was a better idea than marrying him, and then eventually (and inevitably) I fell in love with someone new who just happens to be a better fit for me?

Does anything that happens to us TRULY happen for a reason?

Discuss.

7 days

214.4

Just wanted to "toot my own horn" a little (actually, I hate that expression) and say that I have exercised seven of the last seven days. That's right: I'm almost 1/4 of the way to my goal of 30 workouts in 30 days.

I usually do the elliptical trainer, but I have mixed it up a little and done a brisk walk in my neighborhood one evening and alternated jogging and walking on the treadmill another evening. I even worked out when I had a headache on Thursday night; I just walked more slowly than my usual pace, but still covered close to 2 miles.

Yea me!!

Of course, as predicted, the scale really hasn't budged. Ah well. One thing at a time. . . .

Meme

If you got trapped in an elevator with someone, who would you want it to be?
Conor Jackson

What is your favorite cereal?
Kashi Go Lean Crunch

Do you own any cowboy boots?
Not anymore

What is something you would never do in public?
Tweeze the hairs off my chin

Have you ever had really strange dreams?
Yep

Name a friend or loved one who has passed away.
Both grandmas, stepdad

What’s your earliest memory?
Forgetting to stop playing to use the potty and having an "accident"

Have you ever broken a bone before, and if so, how?
I've broken two different toes

Have you ever stepped in dog poo?
Yes

Ever bitten your toenails?
Nope

Who is your all time hero?
I don’t have one.

What colors do you think mix well?
Red white and blue

What did you eat recently?
2 soy sausage patties and an ounce of cheddar cheese

What was your favorite cartoon movie as a child?
I don’t remember having one.

What’s your favorite movie now?
I have several. I really like Clueless

Do you paint your toenails?
Sometimes

Is your computer a fast and awesome computer?
It's all right

What do you do, or want to do for a living?
I'm a lawyer

If one of your long lost exes called you and asked for you back, would you take them back?
Hell no.

Have you ever been a heart-breaker?
Yes.

What’s your favorite instrument?
Clarinet

What is a country you want to visit badly before you die?
Italy

Have you made a bucket list?
Yes

What things in history amuse you the most?
Sarah Palin

Have you ever eaten lipstick?
Nope

What are 3 accessories you have to be equipped with when you go out?
I'm not a big accessories person

Have you ever licked a window before?
Nope

If someone dared you to run across a busy street for 1 thousand dollars, would you?
Nope

Would you kill someone for 9 million dollars?
Depends on who it is

Who is your worst enemy right now and why?
I don't really have any enemies (at least not as far as I know, lol)

Have you ever been in a physical fight with anyone before?
Only my sister.

What brand of cell phone do you have, and which service provider?
BlackBerry by Verizon

Do you wear slippers or socks?
Neither

Do your feet stink?
Not usually

Have you ever picked your butt in public?
Probably

What is the strangest pet you’ve ever owned?
I've only had the usual: cats, dogs, fish. My sister and I did keep a tadpole once for a few weeks (& managed to kill him before he became a frog).

Do you love life or hate it?
Love

Who is the hottest person in the entire universe, in your opinion?
How could I possibly narrow this down to one?

What do you do every night before bed?
Make sure my alarm is set. . . otherwise I'd be even later to work every day.

Quick note

213.6

I have several projects which need to be completed today, so I don't have time for a long entry. I did want to post my weight (yea!) and the fact that I made it to the gym last night on my own! God, I can't remember the last time that happened. . . . certainly before I dated MM! I have my gym stuff in my office as I type this and will be headed there after work to meet MM for workout #3 of my 30-workout challenge.

MM was surprised when I told him about my contemplated challenge to myself and a little skeptical that I will actually follow through. He also said "if you go to the gym every day for a month, you're sure to lose weight." Um, yeah. Not so much. He doesn't get the whole "must exercise and eat better simultaneously" thing.

I have been bringing my lunch to work every day to save time and money, but I don't always bring something healthful. Still, I guess it's probably better for me than eating out. Although today I brought Chipotle leftovers from last night; definitely NOT a very nutritious meal.

I had an hour-long massage last night, and it was awesome. I really need to get back on track with getting bi-weekly massages; it really helps my sleep and cuts down on my headaches. Last night's massage was my first since Maui, so I'd seriously gotten out of the habit.

I'm glad it's Thursday! I have a three-day weekend this weekend because we have Monday off for "Civil Rights Day" (as MLK Day is called in Arizona).

Now back to work. . . .

30 days

215.2

Anyone who has known me for a long time will tell you that I need something to obsess over. I guess I'm just a mentally restless person or something, but I've always been this way.

Most of my life, I've obsessed over men I dated/wanted to date/had dated or other equally useless things. Occasionally I've had some healthier obsessions, like weight loss or law school.

Being obsessive is not an entirely bad thing. It gives me focus--something I am otherwise sadly lacking--and I can get a lot accomplished when I'm fixated on something.

I've made up my mind that I am going to obsess about exercise. (Yeah, I know that's not exactly how obsessions work--I can't really just "make up my mind" to obsess about something--but go with it.) I've been half-a$$ing my doctor-ordered "three times a week" working out for over a year, but no more. Starting today (actually, yesterday), my goal is going to be to work out seven days a week.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get some form of aerobic exercise for 30 minutes every day. Do I think I will be 100% successful? Probably not, which is why I'm aiming for every day. I figure even if I fall short of my goal, I will probably still meet and exceed the three workouts a week I am supposed to be doing.

I really should also focus on improving my eating, but I am going to concentrate on one thing at a time. I am going to aim for thirty 30-minute workouts in the next thirty days.

It's not a tumor

212.6 (hmm)

I left work after an hour yesterday because I had a headache. Actually, I had some degree of headache from Saturday afternoon on. I've always gotten a lot more headaches than the average person, in addition to having migraines, but lately it's been really out of hand. I'm going to ask my dentist about TMJ when I see him in a few weeks, and I'm also going to get my eyes checked soon; I have a suspicion that my contacts prescription needs updating.

I hardly ate anything yesterday--nauseated and/or sleeping most of the day---so I suppose that would account for the weight I saw this morning. I fully expect to be back to the 214-215 range tomorrow.

Thank goodness, I feel fine this morning. But yesterday I literally slept from 11:00 a.m. to 2:30, and then again from 3:00 to 5:00. . . . after having had 8 hours of sleep the night before, too. AND I still went to bed last night by 11:00. Crazy.

Friday night's party was good. It was great to see the guest of honor, as well as lots of old co-workers. There were a couple of folks I'd hoped to see who didn't make it and a couple of folks I saw from a distance but didn't get chance to talk with before they left the party. SL was there, too, as expected. I didn't talk to him, but I did wave at him from a little distance away, and he waved back. And MM got to see him and reacted about as I would have expected.

Recall my post about my friend D who had not acknowledged my wedding. I've still heard nothing from her. Yesterday was her 40th birthday, and for the first time since we've known each other, I did nothing to commemorate her birthday. (Usually I send a card and also call.) Rather than send the angry letter I posted a few weeks ago. . . . I figured I would just stop talking to her. And it seems to have worked. It's sad to have to end a long friendship, but what else to do? I know she never would have "gotten it" and I couldn't go on with the status quo. Looking back, I'm surprised that I was able to maintain such a one-sided friendship for as long as I did; that type of relationship is really very uncharacteristic for me.

Not much else going on. Mom is only going to be here until 1/25 or 1/26, so I will probably spend a good portion of this weekend with her. I'm also hoping to meet KC for lunch. The week ahead should be uneventful. I guess that's good.

Good and bad

I've been in a down mood most of the day--actually crying a little off and on--because I am about to get my period. No, my low mood and tears aren't related to PMS; I'm sad because this cycle was my tenth off birth control and I'm still not pregnant.

I could write several more pages on that topic, but at this point I'm emotionally spent. . . . so I'll just leave it at that.

On a more positive note. . . . I'm going to a party tonight that I've been looking forward to for weeks! The man who trained me when I started working as a prosecutor--someone I greatly admire and esteem--recently retired and is hosting a retirement party in Tucson. He has invited all the people he ever supervised. . . . which is a fair number, given his nearly-35-year career with that office and the rate of attorney turnover. (From what I hear, there will be 150-200 guests.) Several friends (and many more acquaintances) who I haven't seen in a long time will be in attendance. I'm excited to see everyone and catch up!

Interestingly, my ex-fiance SL is also on the guest list and has RSVP'd that he will be attending (we met at work and worked at the same place for the first several months of our relationship). So if he shows up, I will also be seeing him for the first time in a long time. I don't even know if he knows that I am married. And MM will be seeing SL for the first time. Most of the people at the party knew SL and me during the era when we were a couple. Could be a little awkward. . . .

I'll be spending the night at my friend L's and seeing little M in the morning before I head back to Phoenix.

Today's been a crappy end to a busy week. . . . I can use some enjoyment!

Repulsed

215.8 (ugh)

I have been particularly repulsed by myself lately. Although I am about 65-75 lbs overweight, I usually don't spend a lot of time dwelling on how fat I look. . . . probably because I have been fat to some degree or another my entire adult life and have grown accustomed to it. Usually if my weight is bothering me, it's because I've had a hard time finding clothes in my size, I have no/low energy, or my weight is holding me back from doing something I want to do, like hiking the Grand Canyon.

But the past few weeks, I've just felt that my body is gross. Every time I sit down, I notice my huge belly. I know my a$$ is huge, too, but thankfully don't own a full-length mirror and so only really notice it in the shower. My calves are really thick. My upper arms have way more jiggle than I'd like. When I saw my wedding photos, I was reminded afresh that there's no two ways about it: I'm a fat girl.

Now that I'm married, in addition to feeling bad and frustrated with myself for my weight, I also feel bad for MM. MM works out five days a week, eats small portions, and has good genes, so he is pretty slim. (5'8" and about 165 lbs) Although I only weigh a few lbs more than I did when we met (I weighed 211.4 on the day of our first date) and he tells me that he loves me no matter what. . . . I can't help but feel that he deserves a wife who is in better shape.

MM often encourages me to go to the gym with him--and sometimes I do--but he focuses totally on my health, in particular the fact that my cholesterol is high and my doctor says I am supposed to be exercising at least 30 minutes three times a week. I know, though, that even if I actually did all three workouts a week (& more), I won't lose any weight. I will only lose weight if I exercise AND diligently police every bite of food I put into my mouth.

Anyway. . . it remains to be seen whether these feelings motivate me to any action.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

(wt=??)

MM and I returned this afternoon from visiting my father and stepmother in southern New Mexico. We arrived to heavy cloud cover and wet roads from yet another rainy day here in Phoenix. WTF is going on with our weather? All this rain just seems unusual for us this time of year; we generally get the majority of our rainfall in late summer.

Anyhoo, the visit with the parents was (mostly) good. We did manage to irk one or both of them on Friday (long story, and I'm not even sure we figured out exactly what did the irking), but they were over it by the time we returned from our hike, and there were no further "incidents."

MM was unimpressed with my alma mater, NMSU, and with the Las Cruces area in general (except for the hike, which he thought was beautiful). He has expressed a willingness to return once a year in the future, but not more than that, barring some unforeseen circumstance. He figures that that should satisfy the parents since "it's more than (my BIL) does." True, but my BIL has the luxury of living many states away rather than one state away. We shall see.

Tomorrow is back to the ol' grind. I had to do some research on Westlaw this evening for a motion response that I must draft before noon tomorrow; I couldn't access Westlaw from home and thus had not completed the research on NYE. [sigh] Ah well.

People continue to pop out of the woodwork on Facebook for me. It's kind of fun, actually.

Now that it's January, I intend to start sorting through the several boxes of crap I brought with me from my old place. I also want to organize the closets in my bathroom 'cause they're a mess and I can't find stuff. Oh, and start exercising more and eating more healthfully.

Right. So I'll just get crackin' on all that tomorrow, then.

Looking back

(haven't weighed myself in days. . . . so who knows?)

The end of the calendar year always seems to be a time for re-examining the preceding twelve months. Every other show on TV seems to be chronicling the "Top Ten" whatever that happened in 2008. (I've long believed that this is done, in large part, because the weeks before and after Christmas are quite slow news-wise.) I thought, why not include my own top ten lists? So here they are. . . .

Top ten things that happened in my life this year (roughly in date order)

1. Took my first deposition
2. Moved in with MM
3. Bought my first house
4. Got a favorable first performance evaluation at work and a raise
5. Visited Rocky Point (& took Sebastian to the beach) for the first time
6. Did a fitness boot camp
7. Visited Rowan twice
8. Got married! (They said it would never happen--ok, they didn't; I did)
9. Lost (and re-gained) about 10 lbs
10. Visited Maui

Top ten things that I would like to do (or see happen) in 2009 (not listed in order of importance or likelihood)

1. Become more routine-oriented
2. Become a more efficient biller at work
3. Visit Rowan at least three times (especially now that he is getting to an age where he'll know whether or not I'm there!)
4. Lose weight (yeah, it's on the list again)
5. Get more organized at home (this one, too)
6. Get pregnant
7. Adopt another dog
8. My parents to stay in good health
9. See more of my friends
10. Write a first chapter for a novel

Ten lessons I learned in 2008:

1. When my mom said half my friends would be "divorced and back out on the market" by the time I was ready to get married. . . . she was right (again).
2. If a 2-year-old sees something he wants, once he puts his hands on it and claims it as his own, it belongs to him, at least in his own mind. Take it back at your own risk!
3. Once you're married, everyone wants to know when/if you will be having children.
4. If you choose to do things that are unconventional--like eloping, keeping your own name after marriage, or not wearing a white dress for your wedding--there are people who will judge you and think you are strange.
5. White Americans WILL vote for an African-American man for president!
6. Sometimes even your closest friends can still surprise you with their behavior.
7. I'm happier if I have coffee in the mornings.
8. Life is easier if you get along with your in-laws.
9. Getting rid of things I don't need or use gives me a feeling of freedom.
10. Neither a healthy diet nor regular exercise alone will make me lose weight. I have to do both simultaneously! (OK, I knew this already, but I was in denial. And it's been reconfirmed.)

How to end a friendship. . . .

No, I'm not mailing this. I wrote it to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head and onto the page.

************************************
It has been over a month since you and I have spoken. At this point, you may be wondering why I have not been in touch. Given the many years that we have known each other and been friends, I’ve decided that I should make my feelings clear rather than simply avoiding contact with you, as I have done thus far.

To be succinct, I have been hurt by your failure to acknowledge my marriage in any way, shape or form. I didn’t expect much in the way of recognition, despite the fact that I attended both your weddings. A simple text message, email, or phone call would have sufficed and would be no more or less than I have received from many people in my life with whom I am not even in regular contact. However, it seems that even simple acknowledgement of the fact that I am married—or even that I took a vacation to someplace I’d long wanted to visit—was too much to expect.

Your lack of any response whatsoever to what is an extremely happy and significant event in my life has given me cause to re-examine my friendship with you. After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that our friendship has been mostly one-sided for a long time. I have made excuses for your behavior in the past, but in light of this most recent display of thoughtlessness, I cannot continue to do so.

Clearly you have not been too busy to text, email or send me a letter, given the fact that, since my return from Maui, you have found the time to send me two text messages about things going on in your life, a forwarded email about friends, and a Christmas letter. Apparently, though I know you had the time, you have not seen fit to congratulate me or even to mention my marriage. . . . or even my trip to Maui.

In my opinion, anyone who would fail to acknowledge an important event like a wedding for someone who she claims is a close friend, barring some type of dire emergency in her own life, is not someone with whom I want to associate myself. I do not know the reasons for your behavior, and at this point I no longer care.

I wish you well and hope that you find some happiness in your life. I cannot say that I will miss our friendship, primarily because it's been years since you have showed much interest in my life or offered me much support. I will say, though, that I am sorry to be ending a friendship of over twenty years’ duration with someone who I once considered as close as family, and I will miss hearing about your sons’ progress as they grow up.

Signed, S

Wedding photos

I really wish there was a way to post our professional photos on this blog; they turned out really great. Alas, the cost of the digital images themselves was too much to justify paying extra for them.

Instead here are a few shots taken by my mother-in-law before, during and after the ceremony.



Me post-spa and post-salon at lunch



MM and I at the beginning of the ceremony with our minister giving a traditional Hawaiian blessing (preceded by three blows on the conch shell)



Me smiling at the minister's banter (he was pretty funny)



MM and I looking at each other during the blessing



One of many kisses (this one after the exchange of leis). There were seven kisses during the ceremony alone: one after each of us said our vows; one after exchange of leis; one after exchange of rings; and one at the end.



Me blowing the minister's conch shell after the ceremony. It only took me two tries to get the right sound, though I wasn't nearly as loud as he was.



My MIL's version of a cute shot of the bouquet and our rings set up by the photographer/wedding coordinator



One of our posed shots after the ceremony. I love the long, multi-colored lei and the way the ocean looks in the background.



Another posed shot. Our videographer actually requested this one and then made MM do four (!) takes before he was satisfied. MM joked that the videographer "thinks he's Martin Scorcese." We were very happy with the way the video turned out, though, so it was worth it.

Christmas

We hosted Christmas Eve at our house, and then spent Christmas Day at my in-laws'. For Christmas Eve dinner, we had lasagna: an "M" family tradition since at least the early 1990s. I briefly considered making my own lasagna, but ended up getting it from Romano's Macaroni Grill instead.

Christmas Eve was the first time I've ever used my Noritake china which I received as a gift in 1990!



Sebastian posing in front of our faux fir on Christmas Eve. The number of presents doubled after MM's parents arrived.



The tree reflected in the mirror beside it



Hard to say from this photo whether Sebastian loves his Grandma J (my MIL, pictured) or just wants her leftover lasagna



Photographic proof that MM helps out around the house



Sebastian guarding his newest toy: a stuffed Spaniel from Ikea



Too tired even to wrestle with MM

Cuteness

A few shots of my friend K's kids from their visit last weekend.



This is her nine-year-old daughter. She was a bit more camera shy than her brother. A very sweet girl!



K with her nine-month-old son. Look at those cheeks!



The little guy on the move



Standing unassisted, using our couch for support

3 shopping days until Christmas. . .

I realized today that I still haven't posted my MIL's wedding photos as promised. Oops. Our professional photos are in the mail as of today, but I won't be able to post them on here because I was too cheap to pay for the rights to the digital images (it was a significant cost). I really should put up a few of us on our wedding day.

Not much to share. I'm really glad that I'm only working three days this week. Our office is closed on Thursday and Friday, so even though today is Monday, in a way it's like Wednesday already. ;-)

I woke up with a headache today and came to work late because of it. It sucks how many headaches I get, but since I am otherwise generally healthy, I guess it's just my cross to bear.

I learned today via Facebook that yet another of my law school classmates recently had a baby. I should seriously make a list of everyone from my law school class who's had a child int he past 18 months. I know it would be a lot of people. . . . at least 10-12, I'm thinking. And that's just of people that I hear/know about. . . maybe a third of our 160-member class.

An old, old friend contacted me today via Facebook, too. She is someone with whom I went to band camp when I was 13 years old. It was really weird--and really cool-to hear from her.

The weather here is gloomy and overcast again. Weird for Phoenix!

I had a fun visit with my college friend K and her family yesterday. Maybe I will post a few shots of her kids later along with my wedding photos. (K actually reads this blog. Hi!)

You can't always get what you want

In my life, I can't say that I've always gotten my way. It's a rare person who gets her way all the time. And I'm not sure living that way would be healthy.

I *can* say, though, that most everything I've wanted to achieve, I've achieved once I made up my mind that I'd try to do it. Sure, I've had dreams that I've allowed to fall by the wayside--for example, I long ago thought that I wanted to be a doctor--but by and large, when I've set out to do something, I've done it.

The things that have always been most difficult for me are those things that are elusive, that you can't do much to "get." Things like friendship, love and happiness. Even there, though, I believed that I could take affirmative steps in a direction that might lead me to those things, and I did. I changed careers so that I'd feel more satisfied at work and hopefully therefore happier with my life. I've moved. I've gone out of my way to meet people and to date.

Though you can't make someone be a friend, I am fortunate to have many people in my life today who deservedly bear the title. In that area of my life, I am blessed beyond what I probably deserve. Despite the elusiveness of both love and happiness, I eventually found both. I love MM and have a wonderful relationship (and now marriage) with him. I am happy with my life.

Now, though, I am in pursuit of something that is turning out to be equally elusive. . . . and just like I did when searching for love and happiness, I am having a devil of a time accepting that this is not something that I can "get." I guess I am too much of a controller or a concrete thinker or something. I find it next to impossible to "let things happen" or to "just relax" or "let go and let God." Pick your phrase: no matter how you word it, I am not a passive person who can accept the will of the universe.

But I need to be. I need to learn to "accept the things I cannot change."

I'll be damned if I know how to do it. . . .

God, I'm old

212.8

I almost didn't even blog today because I'm in a funk (again). The weather here has been very un-Phoenix-like again today: dreary, cold (low 50s), overcast, and raining.

I am attributing my feelings of apathy in part to the weather. The fact that my eating has not been the best, I haven't been to the gym in a week, and all my current work assignments are BORING could all be contributing factors as well.

Anyhoo. . . . while browsing around on Facebook today, I learned that someone whom I used to babysit is pregnant and due in April. I am genuinely happy for her--that's not the point--but man, did it make me feel old!

And I felt even older when I realized that this woman has been married for a year, has a master's degree, is a working family therapist, and is 25 years old. In other words, she is AN ADULT in every sense of the word. Wow. It's weird to think that someone who I knew when she still used a pacifier is now a genuine grown-up.

Add her to the list of people I know who are pregnant or have had a baby in the past 3 years. The list must be over 30 by now, with some names appearing twice. ;-)

What do you think?

I am annoyed with a friend (who I will call D) and wanted to get the opinions of objective outsiders about my situation. She is one of my friends who is not very active on the internet, so I know she doesn't read this blog; she wouldn't even know how to find it! So I feel safe in posting this, knowing that she won't see it.

D has yet to acknowledge our marriage! She has not emailed, texted, called, sent a card. . . nothing. Even though she's known for months that it was going to happen and when. Since I got home, she has sent me two text messages: one a week ago Saturday (12/6) to tell me her middle son placed 2nd in a race he ran, and one last Wednesday to tell me that her period arrived 3 days early (we are usually on the same cycle schedule and both of us are currently off the pill). But nothing about our wedding or the fact that I got married.

By way of background, D and I have been friends for over 20 years. I attended her first wedding in 1995, and I flew two states away and took a day off work (on a Friday) to attend her second wedding this past February. She has three children--now aged 12, 10, and 8--and I spent a week at her house helping her with each of them within the first few months of their lives. I also spent a week taking care of them after she had surgery several years ago.

D has a history of being self-centered--many of our conversations over the years have involved my listening to her problems with her husband (now ex-husband), children, or crazy mother--and it's not uncommon for us to talk for an hour and have none of it be about me. So I'm used to her ignoring what is going in my life. But I feel that failing to acknowledge my marriage is incredibly rude and perhaps more than I can excuse or forgive.

Thoughts? Opinions? Thus far I haven't responded to either of her messages. I'm at a bit of a loss about what to do. Part of me wants to call her out about her rudeness, but another part wants to just continue to ignore the situation (and her).

Wow, actual cool weather!

Here in Phoenix, we don't see much of what most people would consider cold weather. Today is an odd one: it's overcast and the current temperature is 54 degrees. If it were colder--and I lived in another part of the country--I'd almost say it looks like it's going to snow. But I know that won't happen in Phoenix. The forecast does call for rain, though.

My weekend was a busy and productive one. I've been having some difficulty getting into "the Christmas spirit" this year. MM and I bought our tree and wreaths on Saturday; I addressed all my (50+) Christmas cards and wrote something in about half of them; decided on our Christmas Eve menu; and Sebastian got his photo taken with Santa at Petsmart on Saturday. So things are starting to feel a bit more "seasonal."

Oh, and for those who were speculating whether I might be pregnant in response to my "Bleh" post of last week. . . . yeah, my period arrived early Sunday morning. So I guess I did just have a prolonged case of The Mondays.

Mom and I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" on Saturday night while MM was out with his friend. I love that movie! I really should buy it on DVD so that I could watch it more often. My sister often jokes that I'm "dead inside" because I hardly ever cry at things that others find moving. . . but that movie makes me tear up every time I watch it.

My dad is home from the hospital as of yesterday and doing better. My stepmom developed a cold after her surgery, so she's not feeling so hot. I'm sure it's not a fun time to be at their house! MM and I will be flying to visit them on New Year's Day: his first visit to New Mexico!

I finally got a few digital photos of our wedding from my MIL. Will post sometime this week. . . .

TGIF

213.8 (ugh)

I know I've used today's title for other blog posts, but nothing could more succinctly sum up my feelings about today. I need a weekend!

I continue to put off starting the South Beach diet. Yesterday was a tough day eating-wise: breakfast was what was provided at my legal education seminar (fruit, danish, & coffee); lunch was out; and dinner was at my firm's holiday client reception at a local resort. I always find it harder to eat healthfully when I'm not preparing my own food. I did eat quite a few roasted veggies and some fruit at the holiday reception, so I was proud of myself for that.

Lunch yesterday was fun. I met a friend from high school who I hadn't seen for over 20 years! We fell out of touch after graduation and just became reacquainted this past summer when plans were being made for our class's 20-year reunion--which neither of us attended--and we realized that we were both living/working in the Phoenix metro area.

It was interesting to catch up and find out what she's been up to for the past 20 years. Equally interesting: I had the sense that I'd want to be friends with her even if I met her today, something I wasn't expecting. So I'm sure we will be getting together again soon when time permits. Although we live in the same metro area, it'd be over an hour's drive from my house to hers, and we are both busy with work and personal stuff.

As usual, I have lots of stuff I need to get done this weekend, including finishing my Christmas shopping. (I only need to buy MM's gifts and three gift cards.) MM has plans to hang out with a friend on Saturday afternoon/evening, and I've made no plans; that's a rare occurrence! Of course, my mom is still staying with us, so I will hang out with her.

The good thing about Mom is that she won't mind if our time together is composed of my cleaning out my closet and sorting through some boxes. LOL Mom is also going to come with me to my office on Sunday to help me hang some photos and reorganize my desk and files. (As thanks, I'm going to take her out to brunch.)

My dad is in the hospital with pneumonia. The timing could hardly be worse because his wife had some outpatient surgery on Wednesday. (Actually, things could be slightly worse: my stepmom's surgery could've been more complicated, and then they'd both be in the hospital right now.) I talked with him this morning, and he said that he is feeling better. His doctor tells him that he can go home on Sunday if he continues to improve.

I cracked up when I read the comments on my last post. Too funny that people immediately thought I might be pregnant! Honestly, I am not in a position to even find out the answer to that question for at least another few days. And if I *were* pregnant. . . I'm not so sure I would write about it on this blog. Too many people IRL read it, and I wouldn't necessarily want everyone to know so early on. KWIM? I am of the school of thought that I would keep that news to myself--except for immediate family and a couple of close friends--until the 2nd trimester.

Only five-and-a-half hours until I can go home! Yea!

Bleh

212.4

I'm in a bit of a funk today. Not exactly sure what's wrong with me. I don't want to work--all my current tasks are boring--and my energy level is low. My eyes feel heavy and itchy, as though I didn't get enough sleep, even though I had my usual eight hours. I feel alternately mildly nauseated and hungry.

Anyhoo. This, too, shall pass. I suspect I am just suffering from a little post-vacation/post-wedding letdown. It's not an uncommon thing.

I have a laundry list of things I need to get done at home, but last night I did none of them. The only things I accomplished were writing a few thank you notes (surprisingly, some friends/family have sent us money and gift cards after our elopement) and uploading my snorkeling photos to the computer. Otherwise, I did nada. Well, I did go to the gym, as planned.

If my current state of mind continues, I can see this evening being more of the same.

Bleh.

Off

211.8

It's funny how the scale has been hanging around the same number for a while now. I'm wondering if this weight is one of those "set points" that my body likes? I do know that I've been at this approximate weight a few times during my adulthood.

Ever since we got back from Maui, I have felt slightly off. First, I was exhausted from jet lag, sleep deprivation, and travel. Then I was fighting a nasty cold (which seems to be mostly resolved now, thank goodness). Today I am well-rested and seem to be over my cold, but I still feel. . . not quite right.

I had a relatively healthy breakfast: 2 soy sausage patties and a sugar-free Frapuccino. (Hey, it beats the peppermint mocha & pastry that I usually have!) I've been drinking water and have almost finished my first liter of the day. But I've been feeling vaguely nauseated and had some heartburn for a while, too. I took a couple of Tums, so we'll see if that helps at all.

Yesterday evening I got upset over something that is not really that big deal and can likely be corrected. (No, I wasn't mad at MM.) Even at the time, I realized that my emotional reaction was out of proportion to the issue. . . yet even realizing this, I continued to feel upset. I used to never be hormonal, but maybe I am developing PMS later in life or something. . . . who knows.

When I went to the grocery store last weekend, I bought all the foods I needed to start the South Beach diet yesterday. But I also decided to bake a chocolate cake, thinking that my mom and MM would eat it. And I brought home leftovers from Sunday night's dinner at Romano's Macaroni Grill. My eating yesterday was definitely NOT SB-compliant or even healthy: the only vegetables I had were a few mushrooms in the cream sauce on my pasta, a small can of V8 with lunch, and a little bit of salsa on the burrito that was my dinner. And I ate two large pieces of chocolate cake.

So far today, I am off to a better start. Because I had dairy (in the form of the milk in my sugar-free Frappucino), I don't think I can really consider today a truly Phase One SB-compliant day. . . but if I stick with my planned lunch and dinner, I should be on track to at least a reasonably healthy day of eating. I brought a Lean Cuisine entree and some extra frozen veggies for lunch (along with V8 and a piece of lowfat cheese for an afternoon snack), and am planning on a Chik-Fil-A chargrilled chicken salad for dinner. I may have to throw the half-a-chocolate-cake that's left in the trash.

MM and I are going to the gym tonight, too. At the moment, I really don't feel like it. . . but I know I'll be glad I went. I actually worked out at the Hyatt's fitness center with MM three times while we were in Maui, but it's been over a week since I got any exercise: I haven't done anything since our return. Maybe working out will help me feel more back to normal, too.

Vegas/Maui recap

After a big ONE day back at work on Thursday (and my attorney holiday dinner that night), I woke up with a raging sore throat, aches, fatigue, and a headache on Friday morning. (And I didn't even drink at the party!) I guess that cold I'd been fighting off for over a week finally got the better of me. So I called in sick, slept for another three hours, and then spent the rest of the day rehydrating and taking it easy. As a result of feeling sub-par, I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I'd hoped to in the days that I've been home. . . but I have unpacked, done laundry, grocery-shopped, and done some housework.

AND. . . I finally got around to uploading and editing the photos from our trips!

Although our visit was a short one, it was great to see my sister V and her family in Vegas the weekend before Thanksgiving. My nephew Rowan is as cute as ever and is talking up a storm now! He amazes me with the number of words he knows and the sentences he can utter, to say nothing of his ability to parrot the words he hears (I almost had him saying "President Obama" in two days. Obama was easy; "president" was a bit tougher.) I took loads and loads of photos of him, but will include just a few here:

We took Rowan on the gondola ride at the Venetian. (It was one activity that none of us adults had done before, despite having been to Vegas numerous times since the hotel was built.) The second photo of the little guy shows the expression on his face as he watched the gondolier singing "Volare" in Italian. (And I swear I heard Rowan say "Volare" himself the next day!)

MM came very near to missing the Maui Invitational Tournament altogether: he flew home a day before me from Vegas so that he and his parents could fly out on Sunday morning. . . but picked up a raging case of (what was later diagnosed as) staph food poisoning at the Vegas airport. After awakening at 2:00 a.m. on Sunday with horrible vomiting, diarrhea, etc., he was in no shape to take a 6+-hour flight to Hawaii. Instead, he spent a few hours at an urgent care clinic receiving 3 liters of IV fluids and a shot in the butt for nausea. Poor lamb! When I arrived home a little before 10:00 p.m. on Sunday, he was huddling in a blanket on the couch, beet-red and shivering, with a fever of 101.6!

Luckily, between the care he got at the clinic and the TLC and Tylenol he got from his fiancee, MM was recovered enough on Monday morning to board my flight with me, though he was still far from 100%. He probably wasn't fully himself again until after we'd been in Maui for about 24 hours.

What can I say about Maui? Everything you read and hear about the island is true: it's an absolutely beautiful place. The resort where we stayed--the Hyatt Regency--was gorgeous, truly someone's vision of an island paradise. The grounds, the artwork, the beach promenade, the shops: everything was perfect. My photos don't even do it justice, so I won't post them here (the hotel's website has photos that put mine to shame). The resort even had swans, flamingos, and tropical penguins living on-site, as well as three talking parrots and a koi pond in the lobby.

We were lucky enough to get upgraded to an ocean-view room for our entire stay, rather than just for the three days after our wedding, as we'd anticipated. I could hear the waves crashing on the shore, even with our balcony door closed. . . what a wonderful sound to hear first thing each morning and last thing each night! The view from our balcony looked like this (the island visible in the distance is Lanai):

I spent several early mornings and evenings sitting on our balcony reading and enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of the ocean. (On a side note, I also read four complete novels during our trip! What bliss! I rarely got so much time to read in my usual daily life.)

We didn't do many of the typical tourist things that are recommended for first-time visitors to Maui--like driving the road to Hana or visiting Haleakala crater--in favor of enjoying the beauty of west Maui, on and near the resort. MM is not a big fan of road trips at any time, so he didn't want to spend lots of time in the car, and I acquiesced. (Marriage is about compromise, right?) We did go snorkeling at Molokini, as well as off Ka'anapali Beach near the hotel; went parasailing; took a sunset cruise up the coast of western Maui; and shopped in Lahaina.

And oh yeah, we got married!! ;-)

Our wedding was wonderful and exceeded our expectations. Everything went off without a hitch. The ceremony was a simple one, performed by a Hawaiian minister on the beach at D.T. Fleming Beach Park (just up the coast from Kapalua), complete with exchange of leis, a traditional Hawaiian blessing, a conch shell, and a ukulele. We couldn't have been happier with the way things turned out!

I obviously have no photos of my own of our wedding ceremony (pretty hard to shoot pictures when you're the bride!), but will ask my mother-in-law to email me some soon to post on here. I do have this photo of my bouquet to share:

Didn't it turn out well? (Bear in mind that I shot this photo the morning after the wedding, so a little wilt is visible.) My only requests were that it be primarily white (with only a small amount of pink, if necessary) and that it be composed entirely of flowers native to Hawaii.

After our wedding ceremony, we celebrated with a delicious dinner at Merriman's Kapalua, which is located right on Kapalua Bay. Eating at Merriman's was a very sweet gift to me from MM: he normally eschews any type of "foodie" eating establishments and is by no means an epicure, unless one considers Red Lobster and Outback Steakhouse "fine dining." LOL

Really, that pretty much sums up our trips. The only things I forgot to mention: MM attended (and enjoyed) some--though not all--of the tournament's games on Tuesday and Wednesday (duh!); and I did some shopping and unscheduled exploring of Maui's northwest shore with my mother-in-law on Tuesday. (The "unscheduled exploring" came as a result of my driving past the turnoff for Fleming Beach when I went to scout the location. When we saw the breathtaking scenery, we didn't want to turn back! And I haven't seen so many shades of green since Ireland!)

I had a tranquil and relaxing week and would go back to Maui in a heartbeat. . . even though flying over 6 hours there and back--not including delays--is no picnic.

So now I'm an old married lady. (And no, I don't feel any different.)

We're back

211.6

I only have time for a quick check-in, and I haven't even uploaded my photos from my camera yet. . . . but I wanted to say that I'm alive and married and back from Maui. We had a wonderful trip, our wedding was perfect--just what we wanted--and I really enjoyed seeing my sis and nephew the weekend before, too.

I'm back at work today and still trying to work my way through my inbox. I hope to write a comprehensive entry--complete with photos--by the end of the weekend.

P.S. I stepped on the scale with much trepidation this morning, thinking that it'd be way up after a week of eating with abandon. How awesome is it that I weigh about the same as before I left? Not that weighing 211+ is awesome, but it could be much worse. . .