Sunday, December 28, 2008

How to end a friendship. . . .

No, I'm not mailing this. I wrote it to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head and onto the page.

It has been over a month since you and I have spoken. At this point, you may be wondering why I have not been in touch. Given the many years that we have known each other and been friends, I’ve decided that I should make my feelings clear rather than simply avoiding contact with you, as I have done thus far.

To be succinct, I have been hurt by your failure to acknowledge my marriage in any way, shape or form. I didn’t expect much in the way of recognition, despite the fact that I attended both your weddings. A simple text message, email, or phone call would have sufficed and would be no more or less than I have received from many people in my life with whom I am not even in regular contact. However, it seems that even simple acknowledgement of the fact that I am married—or even that I took a vacation to someplace I’d long wanted to visit—was too much to expect.

Your lack of any response whatsoever to what is an extremely happy and significant event in my life has given me cause to re-examine my friendship with you. After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that our friendship has been mostly one-sided for a long time. I have made excuses for your behavior in the past, but in light of this most recent display of thoughtlessness, I cannot continue to do so.

Clearly you have not been too busy to text, email or send me a letter, given the fact that, since my return from Maui, you have found the time to send me two text messages about things going on in your life, a forwarded email about friends, and a Christmas letter. Apparently, though I know you had the time, you have not seen fit to congratulate me or even to mention my marriage. . . . or even my trip to Maui.

In my opinion, anyone who would fail to acknowledge an important event like a wedding for someone who she claims is a close friend, barring some type of dire emergency in her own life, is not someone with whom I want to associate myself. I do not know the reasons for your behavior, and at this point I no longer care.

I wish you well and hope that you find some happiness in your life. I cannot say that I will miss our friendship, primarily because it's been years since you have showed much interest in my life or offered me much support. I will say, though, that I am sorry to be ending a friendship of over twenty years’ duration with someone who I once considered as close as family, and I will miss hearing about your sons’ progress as they grow up.

Signed, S


Alli said...

I am so sorry you are going through that with someone you thought was your friend. I am going through something similar with one of my friends recently-- actually two of them. I have decided that 2009 is the year for honesty. Honesty with them if they question why I dont make an effort to speak/see them anymore and honesty with myself that they are not worthy of my friendship anymore.

TUWABVB said...

This whole situation is just crappy. I don't understand how someone could be so self-centered, especially at such a happy time in your life.

Have you decided how you are going to handle it? I think it's a great idea to get your feelings out like you did. But I think this person also needs to know how selfish she acted. I just feel bad about the whole thing and I want her to know how much she screwed up.