Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Taking a step back

214.4 (grr. . . )
On the weight loss front, I am having a mixed week. As you can see above, my weight is actually up a little bit, and I'm not quite certain why that is.
I have been working out more consistently since moving to Phx: the past three evenings I've spent at least 30 minutes on the treadmill. I'd twisted my right ankle on moving day, so I've been gradually easing into more jogging. Monday night I jogged 9 of the 33+ minutes it took me to cover 2 miles; last night I jogged 11 minutes of the 33 minutes/2 miles. I've decided that I'm going to walk/jog 2 miles each time I work out, gradually adding more time jogging and decreasing the amount of time walking. Once I can jog the entire 2 miles, then I will think about either picking up my pace or increasing my distance or both.
My eating has been kind-of so-so. I am making an effort to get in more fruits & veggies, but still not getting to the 5 servings/day minimum that I know I should. I haven't been eating badly, per se, but I have been eating more than I should. I've been eating out less, but feeling very snacky at home for some reason. Hmmmm.
In addition to my treadmill time, I'm also walking Sebastian. . . not every day, as I'd planned, but at least 2-3 times/week. He deserves to be walked daily, of course, more than just around the complex to do his business, but it's been raining quite often and been hot & humid on other days. . . aside from the days when I've been just plain lazy. ;)
After learning some stuff about the situation with his "ex"-girlfriend and just doing some general reflecting, I have come to the conclusion that J and I can only be friends. . . despite whatever lingering lustful feelings I have toward him. ;) (To summarize: things are *so* not over between him & his ex, despite the fact that he claims they are, and I have grave concerns about his inability to commit in general.) To that end, I've decided to put a little distance between us. . . . not so much as he will likely even notice. . . . more for my own mental health.
In the first two weeks I lived in Phoenix, we got together 4 times and spent, in the aggregate, well over 3 hours talking on the phone. Believe me, this was no hardship; I enjoyed every minute of the time we spent together & talking. I have decided, though, that this is a bit excessive for someone who is only going to be my friend. . . I certainly didn't see any of my other Phx friends four times during those two weeks! The closest I came was a day and a night out with KC, and we had fewer phone contacts. . . and she's my best friend!
In any event, J and I went to a concert together last Friday night (unplanned: a friend offered me her tickets at 7:00 for an 8:00 show), then met for a movie (pre-planned) on Saturday evening. I had fun both times (& he seemed to, too). As per usual, we had a lot of laughs, great conversation, and at the end of the night, he hugged me and we parted. . . . nothing more.
Since Saturday evening, I have not heard from him. The logical part of my mind knows I should read absolutely nothing into this: he mentioned over the weekend that this week would be a bitch for him, and I know that dental school is keeping him very busy. (Class 8 to 5 Monday through Friday, at least one exam a week, and studying besides.) However, the illogical part of me is put out that he hasn't called, text'd, or emailed me.
The mere fact that I am upset by his lack of contact--Christ, it's only Wednesday morning! Would it bother me if any other friend hadn't called me "all week"?!--tells me that I am doing the right thing in taking a step back. Once again, I am allowing myself to become way more emotionally involved than the situation warrants. (That was part of what went wrong when I dated J back in college.)
So. . . . I continue to think I can handle being friends with J, even knowing that friends is all we will be. But I am trying to emotionally distant myself a little bit. Cheat me once, shame on you; cheat me twice, shame on me. Right?? A wiser person than I might just cease all contact with him, but I can't quite bring myself to do that; I like him and enjoy his company too much.
I'm having dinner with KC tonight & looking forward to it. She & I spent a very fun day shopping Saturday at Ikea, then at the mall. It's great to be living in the same city as her again! Friday night is a Diamondbacks game (that J may or may not be attending with me. . . . depending on whether we talk between now & then); Saturday night is The Melting Pot with my friend V. And I still have tons of unpacking to do, so I am by no means lacking in things to occupy my time.
I think I'm going to buy myself a new desktop computer this weekend. My personal laptop is nearly 6 years old--bought during my first year of law school--and is kind-of on its last legs. My job has issued me a laptop so that I can work from home and take it with me to depositions and on travel, but I'd like to be able to work from home on a computer with a bigger monitor. My eyes get strained even working on a standard-sized monitor; I can't imagine being on my work laptop, with its little screen, will be very good for my vision. Also, I just feel weird about putting my personal music & photos on the firm's laptop. So a new computer is definitely in order for me, now that I can afford one.