Friday, August 10, 2007



I've decided my blog is boring. Sure, occasionally, I'll write a good entry. . . but by and large, much like my daily life, it's not very exciting. Ah well. I enjoying recording my various thoughts here, so I'm not going to let the boring factor stop me. This is why I titled the blog rambling and random musings. . . . because that's about all it is.
It's so interesting to me how others' perceptions of us can differ so greatly from our perceptions of ourselves. My friend V--a bright, highly-educated, 41-year-old woman--is always telling me that she thinks I can have just about any man I want and how attractive I am. (Not in a gay way, LOL.) V says I need to "go out and meet an interim guy" . . . . as though doing this would be just about as easy as placing my order for one online.
Now, I'm not one of these people who has super-low self esteem or a poor self image. . . . . but I also own a mirror and am fully capable of making (I think) an objective evaluation of my appearance. I'm not ugly--I have some pleasing features and no huge, glaring flaws--but I am also considerably overweight (at least 50-60 lbs) and not as young as I used to be. . . . gray hairs and lines are now a regular feature of my appearance.
I am not saying that any intelligent man who took the time to know me wouldn't find me attractive and interesting. . . . but for the sake of this discourse, we are assuming that the initial attraction would be based on looks alone. I'm not feelin' it. I will tell you that this certainly has not been true of me, in my extensive experience with men.
Funny thing, though: when I was mentioning this to J last night in passing--not my thoughts/feelings, but V's contention that I could just go out and pick up a man as easy as snapping my fingers--he agreed. How odd is that.
On a related note, my friend D said to me the other day how "lucky" I am to be starting a "whole new life" here in Phoenix. Am I? I'll grant her that I've gotten a significant increase in pay (& frankly, an improvement in working conditions), but I've earned it at the loss of doing a job I loved. There is nothing wrong, per se, with my new job. . . . but compared to the job I had, it's a little on the boring side. And I had no burning desire to move to Phoenix: I was perfectly content to stay in little ol' Tucson. I am very fortunate in that I have good friends here in Phoenix already. . . . but I had good friends in Tucson, too. Aside from the "better" job, I don't really see that my life here is all that big an improvement over the life I had before. Hmmm.
Maybe I'd be happier if I could see myself the way V and D see me, instead of the way *I* see myself. LOL