Can't believe it's almost June. . .

I had a really enjoyable Memorial Day weekend. Friday night SL & I went out to dinner with F & T, as planned. We went to a really yummy Middle Eastern restaurant that I'd never been to. (It's actually quite close to our home and we've driven by lots of times & said we should try it.) The service was slow, but the food was delicious. And we didn't mind the slow service because we were in no hurry and it gave us time to chat.

Saturday I was a lazy bum: slept in late, then surfed the internet, and finally set off to my friend V's house. Stayed at V's until Monday morning. IMO, it really wasn't hot enough to swim in an unheated swimming pool, so I spent 90% of my time reading. I probably watched a total of 3 hours of television over 2 days. I finished The Breakdown Lane by Jacquelyn Mitchard, which I had started earlier in the week. I also got over halfway through Guns, Germs, & Steel by Jared Diamond; a very interesting read so far.

Monday morning I got up at a decent hour and drove home. Then SL & I almost immediately left for a pool party at our friend M's house. We picked up my CASA child, M, on the way. We were at the party for a little over 3 hours and had a good time. (I think M & I had more fun than SL, but he said it was OK.)

After SL & I got home from the party, he tried to persuade me to go with him to see the latest X Men movie, then gave up and went alone. I stayed home and watched Just Like Heaven, which had arrived via Netflix earlier in the week. (SL generally refuses to watch "chick flicks" and had said he did not want to see it.) I enjoyed it! I really like Reese Witherspoon, and I thought the movie's concept was an interesting twist on an idea. And of course, it had a happy ending: hooray!

As I was looking at tomorrow's calendar this afternoon, I couldn't believe tomorrow is May 31st! Once June is over--and it's a short month--we will be halfway through 2006! It's true when people say that time seems to pass more quickly as you get older. . . at least, it has seemed so to me. I have one of my busiest months for birthdays in June (6 total) and three wedding anniversaries, including my mom & stepdad's 25th anniversary. Hallmark makes a lot of money off me in the spring & summer!

I originally had four trials set in June, but it now looks like only two of those are going to go ahead as scheduled (the other two are being continued by the defense). I am going to pick up a trial for my friend F at the end of the month, too, I think. I have three trials set in July, so if all of those go, it should be a busy month. I already have two trials set in August, too (as well as one each in September and October). I'm glad: I'd like to be in trial just a little more often. Knowing how these things work, I will likely end up inundated with trials in the late summer/early fall: it seems it's always feast or famine, like with everything else.

SL is out late tonight for work. I am hoping to get a little bit of cleaning (& perhaps de-cluttering) done in his absence.

So on that note, I'll close.

Fender bender

So as I am leaving for work this morning (already running late), I collided with a neighbor's car as I was pulling out of my space. I honestly don't know if it was my fault, the other driver's fault, or a little of both: I looked in my rearview mirror before backing up and saw no one; the next thing I knew, bam.

The other driver was pretty upset. He is probably about 20 years old, and it is not even his car he was driving, it's his girlfriend's. Anyway, at least no one was hurt. And I guess that's what I have insurance for.

My poor Prius: I broke its right rear tail light cover and left several long, ugly scratches along the bumper. Although I will say, the damage to the other car (a Toyota Camry) was much worse: a large dent and several long, ugly scratches. [sigh]

I'm going to have to drive the Prius in its scarred condition for a while. My insurance policy does not cover a rental car, and I don't even have time to go in and get the damage assessed until next week some time. Oh well. None of the damage to my car will affect its ability to operate safely.

SL & I went to see The DaVinci Code on the spur of the moment last night. He really liked it; I thought it was OK. Of course, the book was much, much better. And they changed several things for the screenplay that didn't make a lot of sense to me. . . and left out some parts that I thought were really interesting in the book. Well, in fairness, I have yet to see a movie based on a book I have read where I wholeheartedly approved of the movie. In fact, the only movie-based-on-a-book I've seen where I thought the movie was at least as good as the book--if not better--was Silence of the Lambs. . . and I actually saw the movie before I read the book.

Off to my friend V's house tomorrow morning to cat sit. SL & I are supposed to meet our friend F and his wife T for dinner tonight, which should be fun.

Joyous Thursday

Third day this week I have exercised after work: SL & I just got back from our exercise room. We each did 10 minutes apiece on the elliptical trainer & on the treadmill. Tonight's dinner is salad, then leftover whole wheat spaghetti w/SL's vegetable-rich sauce. Yum!

Tomorrow is Friday, and I am so glad it's nearly the weekend! I have spring fever at the moment, I think. I am going to a friend's house about an hour and a half away to cat sit for her this weekend. I'll be back Monday morning to go to a friend's pool party. Should be a nice, relaxing weekend.

SL is not going with me to my friend's for the weekend; he has to work on Saturday. Ah well.

I'm feeling motivated to clean tonight! Weird. Perhaps after dinner I'll do some de-cluttering. . .

Hump Day

My plan to exercise is going pretty well. I walked Sebastian last night for a little over 2 miles. It was a gorgeous evening. SL did not go with us because he had to work late.

I had every intention of eating a healthy dinner, and as to WHAT I ate, it was: whole wheat pasta, tomato sauce, and a little sprinkling of feta cheese. The problem was I ate about 3 portions. :)

SL & I have a healthy dinner planned tonight, too. Either we will go together to the exercise room & work out, or I will walk Sebastian on the trail again; it depends on what time SL finishes work.

I've gotten darned little accomplished today (again) after a productive day yesterday. I don't know wtf is wrong with me lately; my concentration has been less than optimal.

Glad it's almost the (3-day) weekend!

Quick check in

Just wanted to report that SL & I exercised as planned yesterday evening. We each did 10 minutes on the treadmill & 10 minutes on the elliptical trainer and worked up a good sweat.

I didn't get any de-cluttering done because SL had a friend over to play Guitar Hero. Because the PS2 is in the room I'm working on, I couldn't be in there cleaning while they were playing their game. (Not enough space) Grrrr . . . oh well

I also didn't do any laundry last night! I am down to just one more pair of panties after today (and they're a pair I don't like), so I'll have to give in and do the laundry tonight.

SL & I did have a healthy dinner: baked chicken breasts with spaghetti squash & a sald.

Monday, Monday. . .

Back at work after a pretty fun weekend. SL & I went to the game as planned Saturday night, and our team won handily. (He observed that the game WAS, in fact, a lot more fun when our team won.) We missed seeing our friends while we were up there, but hope to catch them next time.

We got home late and slept in Sunday morning. Then I visited M. She wanted to go to a pet store and pet the puppies & kittens, so that's what we did. She also went with SL & I while we took Sebastian to a "self-service" dog wash near our home. She enjoyed herself. I'm happy because she is doing really well in her current foster home. She has been there for nearly a full year; that stability has made a huge difference to her. She is a much calmer child and her behavior is generally much better, too.

I spent the rest of Sunday doing not a whole heck of a lot. I need to do laundry tonight and hit the grocery store. Also, I have finally started de-cluttering a little! Shocking, I know. I spent a solid 20 minutes yesterday, and I hope to at least one more 15-minute session tonight. Baby steps. . .

SL & I had a talk yesterday about getting back on track with the healthy eating and exercise. We have both gained weight in the past 6 months, and we are both unhappy about it. (And we were both overweight BEFORE our recent weight gain, too.) I have been making an effort to walk in the mornings, but he doesn't really care for getting up early because he can never fall asleep until late. I suggested our working out together in our complex's workout room in the evenings, and he is considering it. He'd really like to go back to the gym and work out with our friend F, but their work schedules are not very complementary now. (Like many men, he'd prefer to lift weights over doing the treadmill or elliptical trainer.)

I am also going to re-join Weight Watchers this week. I do, in fact, blame much of my recent weight gain on Zoloft, and I still plan to explore my other options on that front when I see my doctor next month. However, at the same time, I am not doing everything I can to combat the problem. I have to make some effort to lose this weight. If I recommit to healthier eating & regular exercise and the scale doesn't budge, that will be a different story. But right now I am far from giving 100%.

SL is on board for cooking at home, eating out less, and eating more fruits & veggies. Though he has said these things before, and then we have gradually fallen back into bad habits. I hope to make these habits stick this time. (God, how many times have I said THAT?)

I am hoping that a friend from work will join WW with me. She has been talking about losing her pregnancy weight (note: her daughter was 2 in February) before having another child. It helps to do this kind of stuff with a buddy, I think.

Not much else new to report. It has been so windy here today! I hate wind--it usually makes me cranky. It hasn't had that effect on me today, though.

TGIF!

OK, so it is almost 3:00 in the afternoon, and so far, I have accomplished practically nothing today. I spent an hour-and-a-half in court this morning, just for the hearing to be continued by the defense; I attended a 45-minute team meeting; and I took a long lunch to celebrate the birthday one of our secretaries. Wonder how much I will get done in the next three hours. . .

I did find out something interesting today. My fervent hope when I came to work at the prosecutor's office was not to prosecute misdemeanor offenses or property crimes (which is what I have done so far), but to prosecute sex crimes and child abuse cases. (Side note for readers who may not know: I was a nurse before becoming a lawyer, and I have a strong interest in children's issues.)

There will soon be one or two openings on the "special victims unit" in our office, where these types of cases are handled. Apparently the supervisor of that unit is interested in having me come to the unit! Two other attorneys in the office have been "campaigning" to go to that unit, but she would rather have me. (According to my "source," she thinks I am a more "solid" attorney.)

I am not sure that this is a challenge I want just yet. . . I have only been a prosecutor for about 18 months. . . but it is nice to know that I am wanted. The supervisor (a prosecutor with >20 years of experience) must have a high opinion of me to prefer me over the other two, both of whom are good trial attorneys and one of whom is a "pet" of the elected official who runs the office. That was nice to hear.

SL & I are going to dinner tonight with a friend of his who is graduating from the firefighters' academy tomorrow. The friends' parents are in town, too, so it'll be the 5 of us. Not sure yet exactly when/where we are going.

Tomorrow evening we are going to a major league baseball game. That should be fun. SL pointed out that our team has not won at the 3 games we have attended, so I hope they win tomorrow.

What else to tell? I broke down and bought a few "fat clothes." It's blistering hot out. That's about all that's new.

Glad it's the weekend!

Computer games & clutter

I've re-discovered an old (guilty) pleasure from my law school days. It's the Yahoo game Literati (similar to Scrabble). It's a big time waster, but fun. (I'm playing right now while waiting for SL to arrive home.)

I have a tendency to get a bit addicted to computer games. I also find them to be a good stress reliever, so that may be part of it. There are several I cannot play without setting a timer for myself. Sad.

My sis & I were chatting on email today about the fact that we both have so much clutter we'd like to get rid of. (To be fair, she has more: partly because she is more sentimental, and partly because she owns a house, while I have always rented.) Yet here I sit playing on the computer when I could be spending some time de-cluttering. (sigh)

Weird weather here today; it was very warm, but overcast. SL says there is a 20% chance of rain tomorrow. When you live in a desert, even that small a chance of rain is something to get excited about. We haven't had any measurable rainfall yet this year where I live.

Tomorrow is my turn to spend the day presenting cases to the grand jury. (Each attorney in our office has to do it about once a quarter.) I don't mind doing it (usually), but it just means that I won't get much else done in the office tomorrow. Also, tomorrow a large group of employees from our office are taking a couple of hours off to lobby the powers-that-be for pay raises. Now I won't get to participate in that either. Ah well.

It should be an unexciting week. The biggest thing I have planned before the weekend is trying to plead out two of my least favorite cases. On Saturday SL & I are going to a major league baseball game. So that should be fun.

Which Les Mis character are you?

I'm Jean Valjean!
(No, really.) Some people may see me as a little sanctimonious, but though I care deeply about doing right, I'm not above a little skulduggery in a good cause. Being in touch with my spiritual side doesn't make me an easy target... on the contrary, in fact. Which Les Miserables Character Are You?

To love another person is to see the face of God

I woke up this morning before 5:30 a.m. with a migraine; horrible sharp pain behind my right eye plus nausea & dizziness. After a mega-dose of ibuprofen and two doses of Imitrex, the pain, etc., had subsided enough for me to fall asleep. I slept almost the whole day until 4:30, only getting up for less than an hour at noon in a vain attempt to go in to work.

I feel OK right now. My headache has subsided to a dull, all-over ache, and my other symptoms are gone. I'm not 100%, but much improved from this morning. I am still really tired, though. I'm always like that after a migraine. Not sure if that comes from the migraine itself or the medications.

On to happier news. . .

I finished my trial yesterday. The jury's verdict (after a little over an hour of deliberations) was guilty on all counts. Even better than the verdict, the judge told my supervisor that he was favorably impressed with the way I conducted the trial. He is the presiding criminal judge of that court, so his word carries some weight. I really enjoyed being back in trial.

SL & I went to see Les Mis last night. It was great! Our seats were very good, and of course I love the musical. SL even admitted it was "good." The music hall where it was performed was completely filled.

I hope to be feeling better tomorrow. I have several things I had hoped to accomplish at work before the end of the week.

Poor Sebastian got no walk this morning because of my migraine. I had gone 3 days in a row prior to today. Ah well. Back on track tomorrow, assuming I am feeling OK.

Back in trial attorney mode

I started my trial today. Things are progressing pretty quickly: I have already presented all my witnesses. In the morning, we will discuss a few legal issues out of the presence of the jury, then the defense will decide whether they are going to present any evidence. The defendant has no prior convictions, so he might testify himself. It will be exciting for me if he does--I don't often get the chance to cross-examine defendants.

The defense attorney is very experienced: he graduated from law school the same year I graduated from high school! (And I spent almost 6 of the intervening years in college, 7 years working as a nurse, and 3 years in law school.) I had had brief encounters with him before, and frankly thought he was a bit of a pompous ass, but he has been very professional and courteous throughout the trial thus far, which I appreciate. It sure makes for a long day in court when you have an a$$hole as opposing counsel. . . I know this because it's happened to me more than once in the past.

Other than trial, not too much going on. I am finally getting around to doing the 5 loads of laundry I didn't do on Sunday. (It would've been 6, but SL did one load last night because he was out of clothes for work.) I know it sounds crazy, but I actually like doing laundry. The only part I don't like is putting it away.

SL is taking me to see a performance of Les Miserables (with the Broadway cast) tomorrow night. I'm excited! I didn't even know the show was going to be in town; he found out all on his own and bought us tickets. What makes that extra special is that he despises musicals, but he knows I love Les Mis so he decided to go for me. Awwwww. . . what a good boyfriend. I saw Les Mis on Broadway in October 1999 and loved it. I have the soundtrack and listen to it in my car to & from work often. I not only love the show for itself, but it also reminds me of that very fun weekend I had with my sister in Manhattan in fall 1999.

I've been doing well with my walking this week. I've gotten up yesterday and today and walked Sebastian; Monday for 30 minutes, today for 22 (hit snooze, oops). I plan to go again tomorrow, and in fact, every day this week. Getting regular exercise really does help my energy level. And of course, Sebastian loves going for walks. After only a few days, he starts to expect to go every morning. I'm sure he'd go twice a day, given the opportunity.

SL has claimed that he was going to go walk with us both days, but so far he has flaked out twice. I think he has more stress at work than he lets on--he doesn't talk much to me about work because he "doesn't want to think about it" when he's not there. Unlike me, he is apt to internalize his feelings, partly because he's a guy and partly because of the way he was raised. (Neither of his parents are what you'd call communicative; none of them hug, kiss, or have ever said "I love you" to each other.)

Anyway, I think his work stress interferes with his sleep. It also often leads him to drinking a beer or two to relax, which further interferes with sleep. He is out tonight doing his side job for work. When we talked a little after 7 PM, he asked me to make sure he goes to bed early tonight. I plan to do my best; he certainly is stubborn, though. I often suggest things to help him unwind and sleep better, but he almost never takes my advice.

Last night after work I went to the mall to get some nice pantyhose to wear for trial. While at Macy's, I found 3 button-down shirts and a pair of pants that I liked, and they were all on sale for less than $20 each. So I bought 'em. I actually need clothes for work because I have gained so much f$%^in' weight that most of the clothes I have no longer fit my fat a$$.

Ta ta for now.

But Sunday is a day of rest

SL & his friend left on an overnight trip yesterday, so I have been left to my own devices since about 8:00 last night. I've enjoyed having some alone time. I've also gotten several things done around the house (and am optimistic that I will accomplish more before they return).

My friend A & I went to see The Sentinel this morning. It was pretty good. I figured out who "the mole" in the Secret Service was almost right away, but I still enjoyed it.

I'm reading another Greg Iles novel, Dead Sleep. It's good so far; I am about 100 pages into it. My last read, Marley & Me, was great; I enjoyed it and actually laughed out loud several times (SL looked at me like I was crazy). I'm going to send Marley & Me and the book by "the dog whisperer" to my sister to read.

Sebastian & I met my friend K and her dog for a long walk yesterday morning. It was fun. The dogs had a great time, though by the time we finished, it was getting a little too hot for them. Sebastian's tongue was about 4 times its normal size when we got finished, and he continued to pant for a long time after we got home. I made him lie in front of a small fan and squirted him down with water, and I think that helped him cool off.

I also got a haircut yesterday. No real change in style, but a significant trim--she took off about 2 inches. It looked good when I left the salon. The real test will be how it looks when I style it for work tomorrow.

I finally have a trial this week starting on Tuesday. It should be a short, 2-day trial; it's a simple, straight-forward case. I haven't been in trial since the end of February, so I'm looking forward to it. The only bummer is that a couple of my suits don't fit right now due to my weight gain. And the ones I can wear are snug. Ah well.

I still need to tackle a veritable mountain of laundry, among other things. Oh joy.

To be fat or unhappy

I saw a number on the scale this morning I haven't seen in many years: 216! I am now OVER the weight at which I started Weight Watchers in January 2003.

I had been so proud of myself. I lost 35 lbs total back in 2003, and I was able to maintain 25 lbs of that loss for over 2 years. Gradually during 2005, after I started working as a prosecutor, I re-gained 5 lbs. I have now gained almost 19 lbs since January 1, 2006!

WTF????? I'll admit my eating is not the greatest, and I have only been exercising sporadically. At the same time, these are the same basic behaviors I engaged in throughout 2005, with only a 5-lb weight gain for the entire year. I honestly do not think my lifestyle is the cause of this weight gain.

I have been pondering what has changed in my life since January to cause this significant weight gain. I changed positions at work, but I actually have a lot less stress now than I did before. . . so I have pretty much ruled stress-eating out as a cause of the gain. I did, however, start taking Zoloft in December.

If things keep on like this, I am risking some serious health problems. Diabetes and heart disease run on both sides of my family; my maternal grandmother died of complications of diabetes (15 years after having a quadruple bypass).

I know the information you find on the internet is not always 100% accurate, but with a few simple google searches today, I found out--guess what? Weight gain is a common side effect of Zoloft! (Actually, of all SSRIs, but Zoloft is worse than others.)

My sister posed the question: would I rather be fat or unhappy? (Hence my title for this post.) Frankly, I'm not quite sure how to answer that because being fat MAKES ME unhappy! Particularly when my weight is over 200 lbs and I have to buy clothes over size 14; it just makes it so damn hard to find decent professional clothing.

Also, I've been fat to some degree or another for years. I am 5'5", so an acceptable weight for me (high end) would be 145 lbs. The least I've weighed over the past fifteen years or so has been about 177; the most was 220. So I've been overweight, by any definition, all that time. It's not great.

I've also suffered from various levels of depression over those same fifteen years. Thank God, my depression has never been severe enough to make me seriously contemplate suicide or to require hospitalization. But the fact of the matter is, my periodic bouts of depression have definitely had an adverse effect on my life. And it has been really nice over the past few months to not feel that way.

I plan to up the exercise and perhaps re-join Weight Watchers (for some extra motivation). But I also think I need to get off the Zoloft ASAP & maybe try something else.

May already!

Back to work today, and things weren't nearly as bad as I'd feared they might be after my unplanned 2-day absence last week. I'm mostly caught up already. It was actually a pretty uneventful day, aside from being the hottest day we've had so far this year. (I think it got up to 93 degrees.)

SL is at his softball game right now. I decided not to go (what an unsupportive girlfriend I am, huh?). He got off work early, so he stopped by the office to pay the rent and pick up our new lease. What a nice guy.

Tomorrow should be more of the same. It is my mom's 61st birthday; it is also the 8th birthday of the son of one of my closest friends. So I'll be getting to sing the birthday song twice tomorrow! :)

I started reading Marley & Me last night. I am about 1/4 of the way into it. I'm enjoying it. It makes me glad Sebastian is a mellow dog, too. :)