Gotcha

210.6

Wednesday the 25th was Sebastian's "Gotcha Day" (as his rescue organization calls it), the anniversary of the date when I adopted him. It's hard to believe he has been my dog for EIGHT years! I have now had him longer than I had my previous dog Saffron, who missed eight years by less than two weeks.

Sebastian has his annoying habits, just like any dog, but he is super-smart, friendly and lovable. My life has been immeasurably enriched by having him in it for the past eight years.

Thank you, Sebastian, for being such a wonderful companion!

(The photo of him above was taken during our engagement photo session in October 2008.)

Hmm

210.6

I can't quite figure out why I always seem to weigh less in the days right after my weekly weigh-in than I do on the day of my weigh-in.

So anyway. . . .

211.8 (at home)
212.4 (official JC WI)

I am a day late weighing in this week--had to go out of town for a deposition yesterday--and still only down 0.3 lbs from last week. Honestly? Given the level of effort I put into my eating last week, I'll take it.

My week started out well, and I did make it to the gym four times. . . . but I ate four more meals out than I'd planned--I actually ate more dinners & lunches out than on plan--and I didn't always make the best choices. (Witness last night's stop at In N Out Burger on the way home from Tucson and the pasta I ordered last Saturday when grilled salmon & vegetables was available instead.)

So what is the take-home lesson from last week? For one thing, I need to be better about adjusting when plans change, interfering with my planned menu for the day. On at least two occasions, I could've made a healthier choice and did not. I also still need to eat more fruits and vegetables; I got in at least 5 servings most days but could've done better.

On the other hand, I'm not going to beat myself up. Overall, I am generally making better choices, and even the "slips" I had this week were not as bad as they could've been. For instance, yes, I ate In N Out Burger last night, but I got a single burger, rather than my usual double, and drank a diet soda rather than my usual Dr Pepper or lemonade. I could've ordered pasta with a cream sauce or cheese but instead I opted for pasta with shrimp in an arrabiata sauce.

And let's face it: I am faced with temptations every day and am trying to overcome years of bad habits, so lasting change isn't going to happen overnight.

Moving forward. . . . .

Query (post #700)

Do you consider it disrespectful, disloyal, or otherwise inappropriate for a married man to send a woman he had a relationship with in high school a message on Fac.ebo.ok including the following:

Hope all is well, you look great, and I see you are married. He is a lucky guy, you were always a sweet heart!

Other factors to consider: the man in question has other ex-girlfriends on his friends list besides the recipient of this message; he and his wife have been married for 16 years and have two children, ages 15 and 9; and the sender and recipient have not seen one another in nearly 20 years.

Woohoo!

210.2

Yesterday was another 100% on-plan day. I didn't go to the gym but did take the dogs on a 15-minute walk.

I can't wait to get under 210. It's been over 18 months since I weighed less than 210. ;-)

Baby steps. . . . .

Pat on the back

211.0

I must pat myself on the back because I had a 100% on-plan day yesterday. I ate all my planned meals and snacks and nothing extra. I ate 6 1/2 servings of fruits and veggies (strawberries, a peach, an apple, spring mix greens, low sodium V8, cauliflower, and a banana--whew!). I drank over 3 liters of water.

In addition, I went to the gym and did 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer plus some strength training and stretching. Very good!

If every day could be like yesterday, I would be at my goal weight much, much sooner. I am learning to become more accepting of the ebb and flow of this process, though.

Today is one of my "rest" days from the gym (that term makes me chuckle because it's not as though I work out so often or so intensely that I actually need a rest), and MM and I are going to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner. Breakfast is under my belt, and my healthy lunch and snacks are with me here at work. Should be another good day.

Slip

211.6

I must confess, I had a big slip-up eating-wise yesterday. I was feeling very down all afternoon after spending too much time entering my billable time in our computer system and generally dwelling on all the negative things in my life.

I decided I was going to "treat" myself with some off-plan food. I was tempted to go to Chino Bandido again, but I didn't want to go quite that far off plan. So I went to Qdoba and had a mini quesadilla and mini nachos.

All told, my little "splurge" cost me close to 1000 calories. Not great, but I estimate about half the calories of what I would have ordered at Chino Bandido. I tried to ameliorate some of the damage by just having fruit & cereal with milk for dinner.

I have to say, the meal *did* make me feel better, at least temporarily. Of course, after a couple of hours, I felt icky because I'm just not used to eating like that anymore.

Today my mood is slightly improved--trying to focus on the positive--and I am back on track.

And ironically, the scale was the lowest this morning that it's been in days. Go figure. . . . .

Week 6 re-cap

212.2 (at home)
212.7 (official JC WI)

I was down 1 more pound at this morning's official weigh-in. I am making slow but steady progress: in six weeks, I have lost 8.4 lbs. Not exactly dramatic results, but I'll take it.

I suspect my loss for this week might have been a little more if not for the fact that I had dinner at my in-laws last night and ate more steak than I should have. (Probably 6-7 oz instead of the 3-4 oz I'd budgeted for.) Oh well.

I am noticing a difference in the way my clothes fit, and I have had a few people comment that I look like I am losing weight. So that's good.

At this pace, I won't reach a "healthy" BMI until early July 2011. . . . but at least I am sticking with it and making some headway. My last several attempts at weight loss have lasted less than a month, so just the fact that I have managed to stick with this for six weeks is encouraging.

I do think I could be doing more. I still struggle with getting in all my fruits and vegetables some days. I only go to the gym 2-3 times most weeks (though I got in 4 workouts this past week). I have had the occasional slip-up where I've eaten things that weren't on my plan for the day.

But because I know I am going to be doing this for a long, long time, I don't want to burn out. So I am taking it easy on myself and learning to be content with these smaller losses which are the result of not working quite as hard as I could.

Plugging along

212.4 (this morning)
211.0 (Wednesday morning)
213.7 (official JC WI on Monday night)

I have been remiss in updating, primarily due to the fact that I have actually been busy at work this week for the first time in months. I'm not complaining--I actually couldn't be happier to be busy again--just explaining.

My official loss for last week, based on Monday night's weigh-in, was 1.1 lbs. I'll take it. Because I usually weigh in before 9:00 a.m., without having eaten breakfast, and weighed in this time at 6:00 p.m., I probably actually lost more for that week. . . . but it will all even out in the end.

The scale is up a little this morning due to my eating a late dinner plus 320 calories or so worth of wheat bread which was not on my list of planned foods. Oops. That's what happens when you schedule your hair appointment at the time you'd normally be eating dinner and then go to the grocery store famished: you end up buying things you shouldn't.

I got right back on track this morning. That is one thing I am fairly proud of myself for in the these 5+ weeks on Jenny Craig; I've had some slips, but in each instance, I have immediately gotten back on track. So often in the past, I've allowed one meal, or one day, of poor choices to lead to my quitting altogether; not this time.

My gym bag is packed for my second gym workout of the week tonight. So things are going pretty well.

212.2

The scale was up a little this morning after a not-so-great eating day yesterday. Through no intent (or fault) of my own, I ended up eating breakfast at 8:15 a.m. and not having lunch until 2:00 p.m. . . . . at which time I was FAMISHED and ate one more slice of veggie pizza than I should have (plus a Hansen's soda which I didn't realize until after I'd drunk it--duh!--was not diet and in fact had 150 calories).

I also know I didn't drink enough water or eat enough veggies yesterday, and I only got in one serving each of fruit and dairy (as opposed to the 3 and 2 servings, respectively, I was supposed to). And I'd had a sensible dinner out Saturday night, but still a dinner out, so I'd probably consumed more sodium than usual.

Given all this, I am not too bummed out about the fact that the scale is up a little from earlier in the week. I feel confident that now that I am back on track and drinking lots of water again, the number will come down again.

No JC weight for today yet, as I had to move this morning's appointment to after work due to a deposition this morning. And with a later-in-the-day-than-usual weigh-in, it's almost a sure thing that I won't show a loss at the scale. . . . or if anything, a smaller loss than usual.

Ah well. Onward and upward (er, downward?).

Ya-hoo!

211.2

Was THRILLED by the number on the scale this morning. Looking back, I haven't been under 210 in over 18 months. Can't wait to get there!

Today will be a challenge with lunch and dinner out. I had input about the places and have planned good choices. Fingers crossed that I can stay strong and stick with them.

Scale hop

212.4

I know some say it's bad to weigh daily, but I sure hope this morning's weight is real!

Another Tuesday

214.0

I thought I had a headache when I first woke up this morning. Then I realized it was just the feeling of dread at having to go to work. Ugh.

The scale was kind this morning. So that's nice.

My day's meals are planned, with lunch and snacks here at my office. My gym bag is packed, and I'll be meeting MM there around 6:30 this evening. I'm already on my third 12-oz glass of water of the 8 per day I usually drink, and it's not yet noon here. So I am on track to have a good day, weight loss/healthwise.

Now if I could just finish entering my billable time for the second half of July in our computer system, I'd be all set. Three days down, eight more to go. Why do I do this to myself?

That's more like it

214.8 at JC
215.0 at home

I had a decent loss at this morning's WI: down 2.2 lbs. Interestingly, I believe my effort this past week was about equal to that of the two previous weeks in which I lost little or no weight; in fact, I only went to the gym twice, vs. the three to four times a week I'd gone during the other weeks. Whatever, I'll take it.

This puts me at a total of 6.3 lbs lost for my first four weeks back at JC. Not stellar results, but certainly a step in the right direction. If I could continue to lose weight at this rate, I could be under 200 in a little over 9 weeks. It would take just over 41 more weeks to get to a "healthy" BMI at this rate (for me, that translates to a weight of 149). That's less than a year, actually just a little over 9 months. That sounds reasonable.

I must confess, I did not eat all the servings of fruit which I was supposed to last week. So this week I am going to focus on being more diligent about getting in all my fruits & veggies, in addition to just generally staying "on plan."

Plugging along

215.6

The scale was down a little this morning but still not even back to what it was this time last week. Ugh. So frustrating.

I've concluded that all I can do for now is keep doing what I'm doing. Following the JC plan as diligently as I can, minimizing my eating out (and making healthy choices when I do eat out), drinking a lot of water (3 liters or so a day), and exercising at least three times a week.

I still wish it wasn't so hard every single day and am still troubled by the fact that my losses are coming VERY slooooowly this go 'round. But I know I will get to a healthy weight eventually if I just keep at it. . . . even if it takes over two years.

I really think that the fact that I am now 7 years older than when I successfully lost 35 pounds in 4 months on Weight Watchers has a lot to do with this. And I can't do anything about being older.

So that's where I'm at.

Question for FB users

I hesitate to post this because I wonder at this point whether anyone is even still reading. Anyway. . . . .

I have a question for those of you who are on Fac.ebo.ok. What is the appropriate etiquette for dealing with a friend request from someone you know but do not like?

Twice I have faced the situation where a high school classmate of mine who I haven't seen since high school graduation (over 22 years ago) and with whom I was never friends sent me friend requests. With the first person, I ignored TWO friend requests from her, and when she sent a third, I finally relented and confirmed her, thinking that I would just delete her later. (Oddly enough, she initiated a "chat" with me not long after I finally accepted and through that chat, I learned that she and her husband have also struggled with infertility. Actually, at this point, they have given up and are just living childless.)

Now I have the same dilemma with a second person. Again, she has now sent me a second friend request even though I ignored the first one. It has been in in-box limbo for a week or so. This person is someone of whom I have not one positive memory from childhood. In fact, we lived less than two blocks apart, and yet I've never been inside her house or vice versa, so that should tell you something about our "relationship" or lack thereof.

Thoughts? My instincts tell me to just "ignore" again but am wondering if anyone else has faced a similar situation.

Frustrated & a little angry

216.6 at home
217.0 at JC

Despite being 100% on plan for five out of seven days this week, I only lost 0.6 lbs at today's weigh-in. I know I should be happy to see the scale moving down at all, and I know that if I continue to lose 0.6 lbs every week, I will eventually get to my goal weight (in over two years) . . . . but I'm pissed.

This morning's number on the scale was the highest one I'd seen in days. By last Wednesday, I'd gotten down to 215.something every day and even had one day of 214.4. But MM and his parents wanted to go out for Mexican food last night, and even though I made one of the better available choices, I know that it was higher in fat and sodium than what I should've been eating. Couple that with lunch and dinner out on Saturday (lunch was sushi & miso; dinner was a salad with grilled chicken and no dressing), and it's not hard to see why the scale is up this morning.

The other, main reason I am feeling so frustrated and angry is that this level of effort at weight loss used to work for me. In prior weight loss attempts, if I were exercising 3-4 days a week--as I did last week--and eating on-plan 5-6 days, I would consistently lose weight. Now it seems that in order to see any kind of significant loss, I am going to have to be on-plan every day and/or step up the frequency of my exercise.

Is this possible? Theoretically, yes. It's hard for me to imagine, though, that I could follow any eating plan 100% and never have a slip-up, especially given how often I eat out. Unless I want to give up a significant portion of my social life, eating out is going to continue to be a part of my life. And given that I have been forcing myself to go to the gym three days a week--and that I am unable to exercise outside this time of year due to the near-daily high heat index--I would think that exercising 5-6 days a week is pretty much out of the question. (Not to mention the other commitments I have which might prevent me from doing that.)

On the one hand, I only have myself to blame. I ate what I ate, and those choices caused the result they caused.

On the other hand, I don't understand why this has to be so frickin' difficult! I am, by a conservative estimate, nearly 70 lbs overweight. It would seem to me that, for someone my current size, SOME positive changes should result in weight loss. I shouldn't have to work my a$$ off at this point to see decent losses at the scale. I anticipate having to work harder when I'm closer to my ideal weight range, but I did not anticipate it being such a struggle to lose weight when I'm well over 200 lbs.

Vent over. It is what it is. I suppose all I can do is keep working at it.

Sick day

215.2

I stayed home from work yesterday; I called in sick. I woke up feeling achy all over and just exhausted, with a slight scratchy throat, so I thought I must be coming down with something. After sleeping until nearly 11:00 a.m., I woke up feeling fine, so in retrospect I don't think I was really sick. Maybe just residual effects of staying up later than usual to watch a baseball game that went into extra innings or just sick and tired.

I am, and have been, in a definite funk. (I hesitate to call it a "depression" because I just don't think it is quite that severe.) I felt better for a few days when I first starting applying for other jobs and when I had an interview, and in the rush of motivation which came with restarting JC, but over the past few days, my mood has once again deteriorated.

I think my feelings stem primarily from just feeling "stuck." Our inability to achieve parenthood thus far has meant that I am stuck in my personal life for the time being. I can't move forward with plans to live a childless life, because we don't know for sure yet whether that is where we will end up. And I obviously can't make plans for parenthood when it is equally uncertain. Certain travel and hobbies are limited by the need to save money, both due to my decreased income related to my decreased workload and due to not knowing whether we may have to shell out big bucks for fertility treatment in the not-so-distant future.

Now I feel stuck at work as well. Not only do I feel stuck in my specific job because I haven't been able to find another one and because things have been so slow (adversely affecting my income), but I don't feel like I have grown much here professionally for a while. I am the type of person who craves constant learning and, to a certain degree, change, so "celebrating" three years at this job today does not feel like a celebration at all. Even economics notwithstanding, I want to do something else. Work at a different firm, go back to criminal prosecution, take an in-house counsel position, something.

I am stuck in Phoenix, too, by virtue of the fact that I own a home here that we couldn't sell without suffering a financial loss. Also, my husband's job is here, and my in-laws relocated to the area to be near MM, their only child. I am no longer free to move if I want, and while this fact didn't bother me when I was content with my life, it is bothering me now. (Ironically, I think back on the years when I was unsettled and moving often and longing to be rooted in one place. Well, now I am.)

I have stayed pretty much on track with JC this week, aside from a tiny half slice of thin crust pizza last night substituted for my evening snack of fruit and yogurt and filching a small chocolate chip cookie on Wednesday night. So I guess that is one thing I can feel good about.

My inclination is to just whole up in my house on the couch or in bed with books and TV, but I don't have that luxury. I guess it's a good thing I am forced to work full-time. . . . keeps me from having a breakdown.

Post & dash

215.0

Had a 100% on plan day eating-wise yesterday, plus a very good workout at the gym: 10 minutes of weight training followed by 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I also drank over 3 liters of water and went for a 20-minute walk with our dogs. Yippee!

Perhaps not surprisingly, my energy level yesterday was high. Too bad most of the day was spent stuck at work, but I did get a few things done at home in the evening, though I wasn't home from the gym until after 7:30.

Tomorrow promises to be an equally good day. Food planned, gym bag packed, already downed almost a liter of water. Good times.

Maintain

216.0

Yesterday's weight at home was 217.0 and at my JC centre 217.6. So I didn't lose anything for my second week; I maintained. Given how I ate over the weekend in San Diego, I'll take it.

I got right back on the horse yesterday, sticking to my eating plan and drinking loads of water (nearly 3 liters). I was worn out and didn't make the gym--I hate going on Mondays anyway because it's also extra crowded--but I have my stuff packed and will be going today after work.

I plan to see a loss this week. I can hardly fail to lose if I follow the plan and exercise, right? I mean, it's WAY too early for me to plateau.

BTW, trip to San Diego was great. Had my first Pinkberry, and it was delicious! Perfect weather. Very relaxing.