Monday, July 16, 2007

Wait: my life *is* a movie


I have had an interesting and fun weekend. It feels really weird to be sitting home in my pajamas on a Monday morning. . . but weird in a good way. Kinda makes me wish I had taken more than a week off between jobs so I could have more days like this. LOL

Friday was an emotional day for me at the old job. The staff & attorneys on my trial team threw me a potluck breakfast. I got some very sweet gifts from people, too, including a card that made me verklempt from the woman who was my secretary for my first 15 months up there. I do believe that making this job change is the right thing for me, on many levels, but it's hard to leave people you've known and grown fond of over the past few years. Particularly when I know that it is highly likely that I won't be seeing these folks again. If I were staying in Tucson, that might be different, but it is what it is.

Friday evening, a lot of attorneys--both from my office and a few from the defense bar--showed up for happy hour to send me off. It was really fun. I had quite a bit to drink. First time in a long time I have gotten drunk. :)

In the past couple of months, I had developed a little crush on a friend I will call F. I have known F since he was a prosecutor in our office; he started just a couple of months before I did. Considering I started dating SL just two months after starting that job, I had never thought of F in anything but a friendly way until recently. I don't know that he is someone I would want to date under normal circumstances--he is a very nice person, but has some baggage, including the fact that he is a divorced/single dad of a 5-year-old daughter--but given that I am moving away very shortly, I thought it might be fun to have a brief fling with him.

Although I had had this crush for a couple of months, I couldn't have done anything about it until recently: F is a defense attorney now and was representing a defendant I was prosecuting. However, now that I have ended my employment at the office, there is no longer any conflict in my pursuing a. . . ahem. . . romantic relationship with F.

F came to happy hour and actually stuck around after the majority of people had left. After 9:00, the group was down to just F, my friend E, my roommate M, and me. M and I had been strategizing earlier in the week about how I could manage to hook up with F. LOL She talked with me in the bathroom when we left our original watering hole and headed to a different bar across the street with suggestions about how to "close the deal."

But I just wasn't feelin' it. Don't get me wrong: I still found F attractive, and I was enjoying his company. . . but I just wasn't getting the vibe that he was interested in me. M was like "why else would he still be hanging out with us if he weren't into you?" But I was unsure and just didn't want to press the issue, despite the fact that I had had quite a bit to drink. M told me I was a chicken, and I conceded that she might be right.

Well, on the drive home, though I was still drunk (or maybe BECAUSE I was still drunk), I decided to text message F and tell him I was interested in him. (Aye, aye, aye. Let no one claim that alcohol does not adversely affect one's ability to think clearly and make good decisions.) On Saturday morning, he responded to my text and told me that he was flattered by my interest, but didn't have romantic feelings for me and hoped we could still be friends. And, oh, by the way. . . he has a crush on my roommate.

M just about died when I relayed this information to her. She first was concerned that my feelings would be hurt (they weren't), then felt really stupid that she had spent all of Friday night trying to figure out how to get me into bed with this guy who, as it turns out, was interested in her the whole time. LOL

To top things off, F text-messaged me last night, hoping to talk to me about his crush on M. (I wouldn't have been opposed to talking with him about it. . . but M arrived home right as he called, so clearly we couldn't discuss the situation then.)

Well, I suppose my life is nothing if not eventful and unpredictable. I don't know too many women who could be telling someone they'd like to hook up with them on a Friday night and by Monday be helping them to figure out how to date a friend of theirs. LOL

My mom has been telling me for years that my life is not a Hollywood movie. Nonetheless, I couldn't help thinking that this whole situation was a bit reminiscent of the Elton/Tai/Cher triangle in the movie Clueless. (For any who haven't seen Clueless. . . main character Cher thinks she is making progress in trying to get her friend Elton together with new girl Tai. . . but Elton really wants Cher and thinks that she shares his interest.)

I've finally arrived at the conclusion that Mom's half right. My life *is* like a movie. It's just that it's actually more like a dark-toned indy flick (think Chasing Amy) rather than one of your happy-ending blockbuster romantic comedies or chick flicks. No chance Meg Ryan is gonna play the lead in THIS story. LOL

I have to say that I have gotten a lot of amusement out of this situation (after my very short-lived and mild feeling of disappointment upon first receiving F's text). I can't remember the last time I've laughed so much about something. It's actually been quite entertaining for me. . .

I spent most of the rest of the weekend doing fun stuff and just relaxing. I thought about starting my packing several times, but never actually acted on that impulse. I took Sebastian on a play date to the dog park early Saturday morning, where he rolled in a pit of mud and generally got himself filthy; he literally had mud everywhere but on his muzzle, even in his ears. Saturday night, I went to a showing of The Sound of Music at a beautifully restored historic theatre in downtown Tucson with B, my former paralegal.

In the midst of all this activity, I still found time to relax and read, and to talk with J on the phone for over an hour and a half. I still don't know where that is going, but I am really enjoying my friendship with him. Because of the combination of our shared history, juxtaposed with the many years that we were out of touch, there is a strange mix of the familiar and the unexplored there.

I cannot pinpoint precisely when it happened, but some time in the past week or so, I have undergone a sort of mental shift about my relationship with J. I am no longer obsessing about him and "what might happen;" I am just enjoying the relationship for what it is. . . which at this point is simply a nice, unique friendship. He is someone with whom I have so much in common and with whom I have always had a wonderful rapport. (I will concede that it is much easier to set aside lustful feelings for someone when you are only talking to him via phone, email, and text, versus seeing him in person. . . so I can't guarantee that this shift will be of a long duration. LOL)

Assuming I get back from Vegas as scheduled and am not too tired--and if his parents don't arrive in Phoenix earlier than expected--we are going to get together for dinner on Friday when I fly back. I'm looking forward to seeing him again. And despite our 2-hour lunch and Saturday's long phone conversation, I still don't feel that we've even scratched the surface of things to talk about. Regardless of what happens, that's gotta count for something. It certainly beats the hell out of starting anything with someone new. At this point, I am in a mindset to cherish good conversation over sex anyway. Good conversation just seems so much harder to find.

Sunday I took my CASA child M to the children's museum and to Petsmart to buy a toy for Sebastian (at her request). I hadn't seen M for about 6 weeks, so it was good to see her and spend some time with her. She is doing well, and I'm very happy about that. Sunday evening, I got a wild hair and decided to actually cook a meal from scratch. . . something that I only do about 3-4 times a year. I tried out a new recipe for chicken breasts stuffed with green chile and cheese, and it was delicious!

Today I have to go to the dentist at 1:00 to get a filling . . . gotta get that done before I no longer have dental insurance. . . but otherwise have nothing else I have to do . It's nice to be at leisure!