NYC

Our trip started out with a very late arrival at Newark airport. The gate agent in Phoenix made me check my bag because it was a half-inch over their height limit, so we were further delayed waiting for my bag to come out on the baggage claim carousel. (It took FOREVER at nearly midnight.)

Bags finally in hand, we had to take the air train to the rail station and then the rail into Manhattan to Penn Station. From Penn Station, we took a cab to our hotel on the upper west side. Needless to say, it was quite late by the time we reached the hotel. MM didn't eat on the plane--didn't like their (limited) options--so we hit an all-night diner which was actually super cute and quite yummy.

Despite our late arrival, we were up bright and early on Thursday for our tour of Manhattan. MM booked a 5+ hour tour for us because it was his first-ever visit to NYC, and he didn't want to miss any of the highlights.

The tour was fun for me, too. Even though I've visited NYC lots of times, I hadn't done many of the typical tourist things there. My parents met and married in NYC and were living in Queens when I was born. Over the years after we moved to the Southwest, when we went back to visit NYC, it was generally to visit friends and family, not to sightsee. My sister and I paid Manhattan a long weekend visit in the fall of '99 and saw Les Miserables on Broadway, shopped on Fifth Avenue, walked through Central Park and around Rockefeller Plaza, and visited Chinatown and Little Italy. . . but aside from that, I'd never really played tourist there.

Our tour really give us a quick and fairly comprehensive overview of Manhattan. Our guide was very knowledgeable and pleasant; he'd lived his whole life in Queens. MM's favorite stop on the trip was Rockefeller Plaza:



The only slight downside of the tour was that it was overcast throughout and rained some during the day. Oh well; you can't control the weather. It didn't interfere with our enjoyment but did make it harder for me to get good photos of what we saw.

As luck would have it, we finished with our tour right before my sister V and company arrived at the condo in Hoboken. My BIL works for a large luxury home builder who routinely retains ownership of a unit (be it house or condo) in the communities it builds for use by its employees. For a nominal fee, my BIL can rent one of these "guesthouses" in any city where his employer has built a development.

The unit we stayed in was on the 10th floor of the building. We learned during our stay that NY Giants quarterback Eli Manning owns a 3000-square-foot unit on the top (12th) floor.

MM and I took the ferry from Pier 79 in Manhattan (just up the street from the famous Chelsea Piers) and then walked the three short blocks to the condo. The views from the waterfront windows--which basically took up an entire wall of the unit--were spectacular!







My nephew Rowan had no clue who we were at first but was happy to see us nonetheless. He had changed SO much since we saw him just before Thanksgiving! He recently got his first big boy haircut and is a couple of inches taller. . . . but the real changes were in his language skills and his attitude. He is now talking in complete sentences and is a typical two-year-old in that he wants to do anything you don't want him to do and nothing that you do want him to do.

V was apologetic that the second bedroom ended up having two twin beds instead of a queen. Little did she know that this would be a major plus to MM: there are few things he likes better than having the bed all to himself. The only thing that could've been better would have been a full-sized bed all to himself.

I awoke Friday to snow flurries! I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually seen snow falling. The flurries were so thick that the view of the Manhattan skyline was obscured. The snow didn't stick, though, and stopped completely before 11:00 a.m. MM slept in on Friday (he'd only slept about an hour the first night) and later we took the ferry back into the city and met V and family at the Top of the Rock observatory deck. The views from there were simply spectacular. A sample:



When Rowan had a meltdown, my BIL decided that he needed to go back to the condo for the afternoon. (I'm not entirely sure that this wasn't a convenient excuse for BIL to watch the NCAA basketball tournament in comfort. . . ) MM and I then spent the rest of the afternoon/evening walking around Times Square, save for an hour or so spent in the ESPN Zone. (A mecca for MM at any time, and particularly so during "the Big Dance.") Everywhere we went was packed with people, as might be expected.

I took the following photo because MM is a HUGE Will Farrell fan:



This fellow would allow you to pose with him for a photo if you gave him a couple of bucks; I took his photo for free. Note the animal-print fedora and sequined man-bag. I dubbed him "Pimp Elmo."



Friday night we had dinner and drinks in Hoboken with a (very entertaining) college friend of V's. MM didn't mind because both the establishments we visited had TV sets featuring NCAA basketball games.

The five of us got up early-ish again on Saturday to visit Ellis Island. Rowan graced us with this wonderful pose shortly after our arrival there:



Visiting a museum with a two-year-old was a challenge. Rowan thought that the rails around the exhibits were provided as handholds to aid his climbing onto the exhibit platforms. Needless to say, he spent a lot of time with his daddy and/or in the stroller.

V and family headed home for naptime after Ellis Island, and MM and I continued on to Liberty Island to see the statue. We both feel it is a total rip-off that you can no longer go up into the crown.



After taking the wrong ferry from Liberty Island and ending up in Battery Park (rather than in NJ, where we started), MM took a cab to Pier 79 and another ferry back to NJ to rest for a few hours and spend time with the family. We returned to Manhattan in the evening for a New York Rangers hockey game at "the famous" Madison Square Garden:



The game was fun: the fans got really into the game, our seats were excellent, and the Rangers won, 5-3.

Sunday we just relaxed and hung out with the family until it was time to go to the airport.

We packed a lot into just three days! One small regret of MM's was that we didn't get to spend more time in Central Park; we briefly visited Strawberry Fields and rode through the park on our tour, but didn't have time to wander through the park or take a horse-drawn carriage ride. I wished I could have seen more of V and Rowan, but my BIL's decision to return to the condo in the early afternoon on both Friday and Saturday--ostensibly so that Rowan could nap--limited my time with both of them. Also, I would've liked to have eaten at some awesome NYC restaurants. Most of our meals were quick, on-the-run affairs.

But that's OK. We still had a great time, and we certainly did a lot more than we missed!

Back

218.8 (Oh.My.God)

Just a quick post to say that I am back from our trip to NYC and back at work today. I will write a longer post this evening with a recap of our trip (which, I will say in brief, was awesome).

I was absolutely horrified by this morning's weight. Yes, the scale has been slowly creeping upward over the past few weeks, but today's number is quite close to 220. . . a number I've not often seen over the past several years. (Though it's not unprecedented for me: I was as heavy as 225 in 1998 and up to almost 235 around the time of my breakup with SL in 2007.)

Today I have been pounding down the water like it's going out of style--I'm starting on my third liter now, and it's 3:00 here--and have eaten healthfully thus far. Dinner will be a bit of a challenge because I don't really have any food in the house--having been gone the past five days--and it's always a challenge to find a healthier option when not preparing your own meal. I'm contemplating a salad with chicken from a restaurant not far from our house.

I brought my gym clothes to work and will be heading straight to the gym when I leave the office this evening. I am actually really looking forward to a workout: though MM and I did a lot of walking while in NYC, I only worked out once during our trip, and I had to cut that short 'cause my underwear kept falling down while I was on the treadmill. LOL

As I do after any time away from my usual routine, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings going through my mind. All good stuff, though. I came home as contented with my life as ever. . . . which is a good thing and not always the way I've felt after coming home from a vacation. ;-)

Stay tuned for some NYC and Rowan photos. . . .

No news is good news, right?

I realized this evening that I haven't written an entry since Friday! I try to be a bit more diligent in keeping up with the blog than that. Sorry to anyone who cares. ;-)

Life is good, just a little hectic. My weekend was good: we had dinner with friends of MM's on Friday night, followed by some karaoke; Saturday was spent mostly at the Renaissance Festival with C and her man W (fun!) and watching Milk in the evening; Sunday was catch-up on all my long-neglected household chores and watching Rachel Getting Married in the evening after dinner at The Keg (one of MM's new favorite restaurants).

I have been very nose-to-the-grindstone at work the past two days because I am leaving work early tomorrow and taking Thursday and Friday completely off so that we can GO TO NEW YORK! Well, technically we are flying into Newark and staying in Hoboken. . . . but somehow saying "We're going to New Jersey!" just doesn't sound as exciting. Plus we plan to spend the majority of our leisure time over the four-day weekend in Manhattan, so we really are going there to visit NYC, not Jersey.

I can hardly wait to see my nephew Rowan! My BIL had him sing me "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on Friday on the phone, and it was about the cutest thing evah. I'm going to take many, many photos of him and give him lots of hugs and kisses!! Of course, I'm also looking forward to seeing my sister and even my BIL, I must admit. The sight-seeing and other stuff we have planned should be lots of fun, too.

It's my usual bedtime (I know, I'm lame), and I still need to finish packing before I can hit the hay. I'm waiting up for MM for another half hour anyway; he's been out celebrating St. Paddy's Day with one of his buddies.

Oh, and I'm loving my piano lessons! I was in such a joyful mood this evening after my lesson!

I will return with lots of pictures of sights and the little dude! Have a great rest of the week and weekend!

Lovin' life

I am in a very good mood today. The sun is shining (well, ok, that's true over 300 days a year here), I slept well and awoke refreshed, and even though it's Friday the 13th, things are going my way.

MM and I found out yesterday that we are getting over $7500 back on our federal and state income taxes! Seems that because we were both single and withholding at the highest allowable rate throughout the year, we overpaid big time.

We are being responsible with our refund: we are planning to spend a small portion of it on our NYC trip next week but are also putting some into long-term savings (we're trying to build that "6 months' living expenses" experts say we should all have saved), paying off some debt (mine), and setting some aside for expenses that we know we will be incurring in the next few months.

It is really nice to have a little unexpected inflow of cash. Sure, we should probably adjust our withholding so that we get a little more each paycheck. . . but getting the lump sum in the spring is nicer in a way.

When I first logged on to my work email this morning, I learned that a motion for summary judgment that I filed nearly seven months ago was finally ruled upon and granted! No more delays! The federal magistrate had previously granted the prisoner plaintiff three extensions of time to respond, and yet he had never filed anything. As the associate on the case, it was most frustrating for me because I had to monitor the file, respond to all of the plaintiff's extension requests, and periodically file motions asking the court to rule on our motion. . . in addition to having written the original motion for summary judgment.

The best part of all is that the fact that the motion for summary judgment was granted means the case is over!! I am really glad to get it off my case list. (Now if I could just achieve the same outcome in two other self-represented prisoner cases in which I've filed motions for summary judgment. . .

Though work has been pretty much status quo, I have had a pretty productive week. Things are picking up for me also, and I'm glad. In January and February, I had so little work that I was not only bored but mildly concerned about my job security. I'd communicated to the partners that I wasn't busy enough, and more cases were assigned to me. As usual, it took several weeks for me to see the effects of that, but now I'm finally getting more work.

I always feel better about my job when I feel that I'm actually contributing something to the firm and helping the clients. And I love getting out of the office for depositions and meetings: a nice break from the reading, writing, and researching that is usually the majority of my time.

I am looking forward to going to the Renaissance Faire tomorrow! I've wanted to go for several years, and I'm finally getting to do it. It'll also be fun to see my friend C, who we are meeting there with her boyfriend who I have not yet met.

MM says he is not looking forward to the Ren Faire but he's "not dreading it." LOL. He is only going because I want to go; what a good husband. Bless his tolerance!

I've still been finding old friends on Facebook, too. I didn't really realize how many people I've known over the years! (Guess it's partly a function of having moved around so much as an adult.) It's fun how learning where people are now and reminiscing about the past. It does make me feel a little old at times. . . . but hey, I *will* be 38 next Saturday! ;-)

We are still hoping to adopt Darius. He was bitten by another dog about 2 weeks ago and is still recovering from his wounds. (He had two large, open wounds on his right hip that had to have drains; the photos his current owner sent looked awful!) We will have to wait until we return from our trip to introduce the boys but have tentatively scheduled a get-together for the week after we return.

Oh, and of course I am excited to visit NYC and see my sister and the irrepressible Rowan next week! Should be a great trip.

Back to billing. . .

I wanna wake up in a city that doesn't sleep. . .

215.8 (bleh)

I liked my St. Paddy's Day template and had planned to keep it up through at least the 17th. . . but I've changed to "I heart puppies" at my sister's request because she said the green/orange combo was "making [her] eyes bleed."

Not too much new going on here. We are going to the Renaissance Fair on Saturday, so I will be sure to bring my camera and capture some of the (no doubt) interesting sights there.

This time next week, we will be on a bus tour of NYC! I can't wait! We're excited about our trip: MM has never visited Manhattan, and it's been nearly ten years since I've been there. And of course, I am looking forward to seeing my sister V and Rowan!

Work is status quo. My blog is going through a boring phase. . . .

Our last Coyotes game of the season

First, let me say thanks so much for all the comments on my previous post about Sebastian! I wanted to email each commenter personally, but a few of you (Jenn, Michella, Flying Monkeys) have your blogger accounts set up so that I can't email you back.

Anyway, I certainly appreciate the support, and I sincerely hope that Sebastian manages to live a long time despite his diagnosis. The more time I've had to digest the news, the more I've realized that it's not necessarily a "death sentence" for him--he doesn't have terminal cancer or something--and he may be able to live quite a while even with this problem. Time will tell.

While the NHL hockey season is not yet over, all chance of the Phoenix Coyotes going to the playoffs is gone. So the game MM and I went to last Saturday will be our last for this season. (Sadly, we attended five games together this season, and the team lost four of them. And played horribly for three of those four losses.)

Technically last Saturday's game won't be our last NHL game of the season because we are going to watch the Rangers play at Madison Square Garden on the 21st. But we won't be attending any more Coyotes games this year.

One of MM's favorite part of the games is the "donnybrooks," as he calls them. Anyone who watches hockey at all knows that there are a lot of fights, especially between teams with a history of rivalry or in close games. My dad often repeated this old joke: "I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out." When your team is playing poorly and losing, sometimes the fights are the most entertaining part of the game.

Here are a few photos from the game; we played the St. Louis Blues, in case anyone is interested.

Pre-game stuff












MM posing in our seats













Play in progress









The best fight of the night, toward the end of the third period (can't remember who the combatants were, but as you can see, the officials had to move the goal net out of the way for them).

Bad news at the vet

Sebastian went in for his annual physical and shots today. While examining him, his vet (Dr. Clark) discovered that he has a leaking mitral valve.

Dr. Clark said that, as these leaks go, Sebastian's is mild--currently a 1 on a 1-5 scale--but that this type of heart disease is progressive. We had already noticed some decreased activity tolerance (which we had attributed to age; he was 7 in October) which we now know is related to this problem. Dr. Clark told us to be on the lookout for any type of mild wheeze or cough with excitement or activity. When Sebastian starts to display these symptoms, he will have to go on medication.

Dr. Clark said that he "doesn't think this will shorten his life span," but the normal life expectancy for a Golden Retriever is 10-12 years. . . . so even if Sebastian only lives another two-and-a-half years, a vet would probably consider his life span "normal." Because I have gone to great pains throughout his life to keep Sebastian slim and healthy--many people have told me that he's one of the skinniest Goldens they've seen--I had long hoped that he would be an exception to the normal life span range and live to 14 or 15. Some Goldens do; I'd hoped Sebastian would be one of them.

I'm sad. I actually cried when we left the vet's office. . . not just a tear or two, but really cried. (Freaked MM out a little, I think, because he's never seen me cry before, beyond just tearing up a bit a few times.)

I know this news isn't a "death sentence" for Sebastian. But it's a reminder for me that he is not going to be around forever. . . . and maybe not even for as many years as I thought.

You might think. . . .

that Sebastian would enjoy having me work from home for the morning.

But you'd be wrong.

No, he seemed decidedly perplexed and inconvenienced by my presence at home. By 11:00 a.m., he'd elected to go about his day as usual and settle in on his Orvis Deluxe Comfort Couch.

For much for my thinking that my boy is lonely without me. . .

Bitter, party of one

OK, one more thing. In the records and documents I am reviewing, the (baby) plaintiff's mother is, understandably, frequently referenced. Mom is a 24-year-old Mexican national living illegally in this country. She has an 8th grade education (all courtesy of American public schools).

Normally I could care less what someone's legal status or education level is. I'm really not one to get up in arms about people who come to live here without proper documentation. But I find myself offended by this woman because she is unmarried and has four children (including the plaintiff).

Four children. By age 24. And here I sit at age almost-38--educated, employed, married--with none.

Yeah, I'd say I'm getting bitter.

Have a sparkling day!

215.2 (ugh)

My last three days at work have been largely occupied with reviewing a foot-tall stack of medical records and related documents. Some of the documents are emails exchanged between various parties and treaters, including doctors, nurses and therapists. One of the therapists consistently signs off her emails with the sentence in my subject line.

Just wondering (1) what the hell *is* a "sparkling day" and how does one have one? and (2) if anyone else thinks that this is an unprofessional sign-off for email? If I read this in a personal email, I'd think it was a bit cheesy; reading it in a professional email seems wholly inappropriate to me.

Thoughts? Maybe I'm just a grouchy bitch who is sick of document review? LOL

Why is it that. . .

every time I decide I am going to start eating more healthfully, I'm suddenly hungrier than usual? This despite having eaten the same breakfast I eat probably 4-5 days a week: instant oatmeal.

And I'm talking actual, physical hunger here. . . . that unpleasant nagging gnawing in my stomach. I'm not even complaining about my psychological longing for less-healthful foods.

[sigh]

10 Things I Love About Living in Phoenix

214.4 (bleh)

1. The winter weather: it's sunny, usually in the 65-80 range, and rarely rains.
2. I can see beautiful mountains no matter where I drive in the city (& surrounding areas).
3. Lots of nearby hiking opportunities.
4. Restaurants I love that you can't find everywhere, like In N Out Burger, My Florist Cafe, Oregano's.
5. The freeway that makes up the majority of my route to and from work every day is beautifully landscaped and kept very clean.
6. Our sports teams: Coyotes (NHL), Diamondbacks (MLB), Suns (NBA), Cardinals (NFL), and the ability to go to their games.
7. Baseball spring training: lots of major league teams do spring training here and in the nearby suburbs.
8. So many awesome resorts!
9. Easy to get around.
10. I can fly non-stop to most major U.S. cities from our airport.

A "little brother" for Sebastian?

Ever since I've Sebastian has lived with me, I have wanted to get a companion for him. When I was in law school and we lived with my friend K, her Dalmatian Dickens was Sebastian's best friend; they loved each other. I always thought that once I bought a house I would get a second dog.

When my relationship with MM first started getting serious, we weren't even sure that he'd be able to live with Sebastian due to his allergies. With the help of Flonase and Zyrtec (plus the Advair he already took daily), MM has been able to live with Sebastian and be relatively symptom-free (95%, in his words). MM has been reluctant, however, to let me get a second dog.

Recently an email went out in my office about a dog needing a home. Because I work with a lot of dog lovers, these emails appear in my inbox at least once every couple of weeks. When MM saw the photos of this particular dog, though, he agreed that we could look into adopting him.

Apparently my husband loves German Shepherds. Who knew? I thought he only liked Schnauzers and bulldogs.

The dog's name is Darius, and he is a two-year-old, 98-pound, purebred German Shepherd. His "mom" is moving to Guatemala to build houses with Habitat for Humanity for three years and cannot take him with her. He has been trained, neutered, and obviously well cared-for.

MM and I have been jokingly asking Sebastian for a week if he wants a little brother. He, of course, has no clue what we're talking about.

We met Darius face-to-face for the first time Friday over lunch. He was fetching the ball at his neighborhood park, one of his favorite pasttimes. He was extremely focused and very fast.

Darius is from a Czech line of German Shepherds, many of whom have been trained as police dogs. He likes to work. He seems like a very sweet and smart dog, though with a very different personality from Sebastian's. (Sebastian has never focused on anything but food or petting.)

We are taking things slowly. I think Darius's "mom" wanted to meet and assess us first before introducing the dogs. . . which I think is fine and shows her love for her dog. The next step will be allowing the two dogs to meet in a neutral location, and we plan to do that within the next week. If they get along, we will then bring Darius to stay at our house for a few days and see (1) how he gets along with Sebastian and (2) whether MM's allergies can tolerate the second dog in the home. Twice the dogs means twice the hair and dander, and the texture of Darius's coat is quite different from Sebastian's.

So we'll see. I am cautiously optimistic.

Who likes his doggy door?

Before we bought our doggy door, MM wondered if Sebastian would ever use it. I assured him that Sebastian loves being outside, so long as he knows he can come back in whenever he wants.

Here is evidence that I was right: the boy sunning himself on our patio while I was getting ready for work one recent morning.

Positivity

The tone of my blog has been decidedly negative the past few entries. Although I suppose this is understandable, given that I've been feeling crappy, it's totally unnecessary, and I want to turn it around.

So I decided that today I would blog about some of the many things in my life for which I am grateful. (In that same spirit of positivity, I am not posting my weight today because it was scary high and I would then feel the need to post possible explanations for this fact. . . which would potentially lead to some negativity. lol)

**I am grateful for my general good health. Since becoming active on Facebook, I have become reacquainted with lots of people from my past. Two of the women who are "friends" are living with chronic diseases for which there are no known cures. (I know one of these friends personally; the other is the half-sister of a friend of mine, knows my sister and went to my high school four years after me.)

Knowing two people close to my own age who are struggling with their health makes me really stop and think about how fortunate I am. Neither of these women did anything to cause their illnesses; they were just unlucky. Much as I've bitched since I've had this cold, it's nothing compared to what they live with every day.

**I am grateful for my husband. When I was 20 years old, I made a "bucket list." (I called it "Things to Do Before I Die.") I still have the list and review it occasionally to see what I've accomplished on the list. One of the items on my list was "Marry a man who truly loves and respects me." I have certainly accomplished that with MM.

MM does more than his fair share of the household chores. He provides a lot of stability for someone like me who struggles with routine because he is extremely routine-oriented. He supports all my interests and activities. And best of all, he makes me laugh nearly every day. I am very lucky to have found him.

**I am grateful for the typical American life I lead. Every "complaint" I have is a "first world" concern. I don't have to worry about a place to sleep, food to eat, clean water to drink, or my safety. It's easy to forget that the majority of the world doesn't live like this.

Girl and horse

Case of the Mondays

(don't know my weight: haven't weighed in 3 days)

I am mostly over my cold but have some lingering nasal congestion and just cannot shake my cough. It wouldn't be so bad if it were merely an annoying, occasional hack, but I have a tendency to go into a bronchospasm when I cough, especially if I happen to be lying down at the time. Thus my coughing continues to wake me up at night, and it's hard to feel good when you're not getting a good night's sleep. (Yeah, I have friends with newborns who are probably thinking "tell me about it!")

Nearly my whole day yesterday was taken up with a trip to Tucson. M, the little girl for whom I am a CASA through the juvenile court, turned 9 yesterday, so naturally I wanted to take her out for her birthday. I first met M just before her 4th birthday, so our relationship is a long one, especially by the standards of a legally-orphaned 9-year-old in foster care.

M's first choice for her birthday was a trip to Club Libby Lu to have her hair and makeup done. Because Club Libby Lu closed all its North American locations on January 31, I had to come up with a Plan B. M also loves horses, so I had the idea that getting to groom a horse might be a good alternative. (When she was much younger, she would often go to the stables to pet and feed horses with her grandparents.)

Lucky for me, my friend K lives in Tucson, owns a horse, and was willing to let M interact with the lovely 5-year-old "Buttercup." Although M quickly grew bored with brushing Buttercup, she did enjoy it and also enjoyed seeing her and all the other horses at the stable. I let her use my digital camera to photograph the horses, and I think she took 40-50 shots of the various horses there. (I'll have to post a sampling once I get them uploaded from my camera.)

After our trip to the stable, I took M to Chuck E. Cheese's for a while. The place was packed to the gills; we had to wait a while just to get in, and then every available table was occupied. The pizza was icky as usual and, as usual, M ate only one piece. . . . leaving me to wonder (not for the first time) why I even bothered getting a pizza. M (and I) won enough tickets for her to get a few small prizes, and she was happy with her outing.

I was glad to do what I could to give M a happy birthday. She liked her presents from me and had fun. (I got her a stuffed puppy that looks like a Golden but is actually a yellow Lab which she named "Sebastian, Jr." and the first book in the Twilight series.) I dropped her off in time for the family party her foster parents had planned for her. I could see that there were other gifts there for M and a delicious chocolate cake, so I think overall she had a pretty good day.

I returned home exhausted. I hadn't had a good night's sleep (coughing); forgot sunscreen and got a little sunburn from being at the stable; an hour at Chuck E. Cheese's is enough to raise any adult's blood pressure; and there was heavy traffic on the road back to Phoenix. (Did I forget to mention that it is a 5-hour round trip from my house to M's?)

Needless to say, after the day I had yesterday and another poor night's sleep, I didn't exactly wake up "rarin' to go" today. I dragged my lazy a$$ into work around 10:30 and have been sorta kinda working since then.

After working out a lot for a while there--26 out of 30 days, remember?--I now have only exercised ONCE since the 11th. And that was a session in the pool at the gym, not as vigorous as my usual sessions. I am more than a little annoyed that my relatively successful 30-day exercise challenge ended up being followed by nearly two weeks of basically forced inactivity, between the issues with my hip and this awful cold. (On the plus side, I haven't had any hip pain or noticable tightness for over a week.)


I desperately need to get back to the gym and plan to start tonight! I have my gym bag packed and plan to meet MM at the gym at 6:45 tonight. Not quite sure how this is going to go with my cough, but I have an inhaler and will scale back the intensity of my workout if necessary. Surely I can make it through 30 minutes on the treadmill, even with my cough, as long as I don't overdo it. Hell, I'll walk 3 miles per hour if I have to; at least it's exercise.

AND I need to start my 30-day fruit & veggie challenge. Maybe I will shoot to start on Wednesday. It's the first day of Lent, so that could be good.

Tired of being sick!

213 (meh)

I haven't blogged the past couple of days because I've had nothing new to share. I continue to fight this cold which yesterday moved into my lungs also. It's really great having a cough deep in my chest and hocking up green phlegm--NOT. I am a horrible, horrible patient and have no patience or tolerance whatsoever for being sick.

Oh, and I learned this week that deep tissue massage is contraindicated when you're ill. Who knew? So I had to cancel Tuesday night's massage and will have to reschedule.

Last night I had the first decent night's sleep I've had since I got this cold, so I'm optimistic that perhaps I've turned a corner and will now start improving. My head congestion seems slightly less today, too. So we'll see.

I haven't worked out all week, and I've missed it. I simply have not had the energy. All pain in my right hip/buttock is gone, so that's a plus. Maybe a week or so of forced inactivity was just what my piriformis muscle needed to get back to normal.

Feeling like ass, I also haven't felt much like eating. It's been great for Sebastian because I'm not even finishing the small, simple meals I've fixed for myself, leaving lots of leftovers for him. Because I've had zero energy, I didn't start my nine-servings-a-day of fruits/veggies thing; just couldn't put forth the effort to prepare them.

MM has done the best thing that can be done for me when I'm sick, which is basically just to leave me alone. I've slept in the guest room the past three nights because my tossing & turning and snoring were keeping him awake.

Although I'm still not 100%, I'm at work today because I am preparing to take three depositions tomorrow, as well as completing various small assignments that I need to get done. Thank goodness I'm not really that busy at work at the moment; my concentration level is decidedly below its usual.

MM has been wanting to go out to eat the past few nights. I hope I am feeling well enough this evening to accomodate his desire.

I feel icky

213.4

I am feeling decidedly sub-par today. The head cold that started as a scratchy throat on Sunday evening has now fully developed. I didn't sleep much last night because my congestion made it hard to find a comfortable position that allowed me to breathe. Ugh.

On the plus side. . . . my right piriformis muscle is doing much better. I swam laps on Sunday for exercise because I am still avoiding walking, jogging, and the elliptical trainer. I drove to Tucson and back yesterday for a deposition--five hours sitting for the drive alone, not including the 2+ hours in the deposition--and had only an occasional mild twinge. A far cry from the red hot poker of pain I'd been having. I am optimistic that by early next week I can resume the elliptical trainer and walking (I'll probably avoid jogging because I think that caused a big part of the problem in the first place).

I have a massage scheduled for this evening. I have the usual tightness in my neck and upper back and am going to also ask the therapist to work on my right piriformis and the surrounding area. Lying on my stomach for the massage with this head congestion should be a real joy--NOT.

We did have a nice weekend. Friday night we had dinner and drinks with some friends of MM's, and that was fun. Saturday night we had dinner at my in-laws because one of my MIL's cousins and her family were in town from North Dakota. After dinner, we went to a hockey game. Sunday we did nothing except the usual household chores, but it was actually kind of nice to have anything else going on.

MM sent me a dozen red roses for Valentine's Day and also bought me a sapphire necklace. What a good husband! He was happy with the CDs I got him and didn't feel bad that his gifts to me were much more expensive. ;-)

Gotta try to get some shizz done. . .

Self-Love Day 2009

I'm posting this blog entry in honor of self-love day 2009. Here's how it works: I'm going to share something that I love about myself and ask anyone reading this blog entry to share something you love about me, too.

What do I love about me? I have to admit that I have a pretty healthy self-esteem, so while I realize that I'm far from perfect--hell, most of this blog is about my imperfections and struggles--I also don't find it hard to name something I love about myself.

I love that I am intelligent. No matter what career path one chooses, having a little bit more smarts than the next guy is always a plus. Over the (many) years I was a student, my native intelligence has allowed me to spend countless hours surfing the 'net, reading, and just generally chillin' while others studied. ;-)

In contrast to my entries for the past two self-love days, when I posted about qualities that I have cultivated in myself (self-awareness and being a good friend), the fact that I am intelligent is through no fault of my own. Nope, just a God-given gift. And boy am I fortunate.

87%

215.4 (ugh)

Yesterday was the last day of my 30-day exercise challenge, and I fell a little short of my goal. I will say, though, that my decision not to exercise yesterday was not made out of laziness. I really wanted to work out, but made a conscious choice not to due to the issue I'm having with my right hip/buttock. It stinks.

Although I'd really hoped to achieve 100% compliance, 26 days out of 30 is about 87% or an average of about six days a week. I'm pretty proud of that.

Not sure why the scale is up again. I had KFC for dinner, which I imagine is quite high in sodium, so perhaps that's why.

When I looked back on my entry for this same time last year, I realized that I'm about 10-12 lbs heavier now than I was then. Bummer!

Not much else to share. I aim to start my 30-day challenge for eating nine servings and fruits and vegetables a day next Tuesday.

In short

214.4 (late dinner)

I'm too lazy to write a full-fledged entry for today, so bullet points it is. (Yeah, I know they're actually asterisks; bullet points didn't show up in the post for some unknown reason. . . )

**I got to visit my friend C's four-week-old baby last night. I was amazed how much he'd grown in just the little over two weeks since I last saw him. He is very cute and a good baby.

**My "30 days of exercise" challenge ends today. Assuming I exercise tonight, I will have worked out 27 of the last 30 days. And even if I skip tonight, I've already exercised 26 of the past 30 days. Not too shabby!

**My 30-day exercise challenge has left me with some discomfort beyond just the expected sore muscles. Because I always walk, walk/jog, or do the elliptical trainer, I have not always been diligent about stretching, and I probably need new shoes, I have managed to irritate my right piriformis muscle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piriformis_muscle). It hurts most when I'm sitting, which is GREAT when you have a desk job. [sigh] I've been stretching at least twice a day (it's super tight, especially when compared with the left) and applying heat and ice, and it seems to be improving. But yikes. It's also caused numbess and tingling in my right thigh in addition to the pain. Not fun.

**Even though my 30-day challenge is over, I am going to continue to exercise at least five days a week. I feel so much better than I did before I started, and it truly is beginning to feel like a habit to me. Shocking!

**I am gradually gearing up for my next 30-day challenge by beginning to eat more fruit this week. Because fruit is easier to prepare and take along--and because I like them better--I figured I'd start with fruits before veggies.

**I have my first piano lesson tonight! I've wanted to learn to play since I was a child. A friend at work gave me an electronic keyboard that her sons no longer use so I will be able to practice at home between lessons, too.

**I still need to buy part of MM's Valentine's Day gift. I feel a bit pressured about getting things he will like because he got me some awesome gifts last year (http://lovesseabass.blogspot.com/2008/02/presidents-day.html) and has hinted that he got me something "over the top" this year. (He bought my Valentine's Day gift before Christmas, actually.) So far, I've bought him two CDs by The Samples (a band he once mentioned that he loved in college and hadn't heard in years) and am planning on getting him some quality gummy bears and a nice card, too. I may also bust out and go to Victoria's Secret (with a gift card my friend N sent me for my wedding--thanks, N) and get some sexy underwear or something. I have the feeling he's still going to out-gift me, though. Suggestions?

**I got tickets this week for MM and I to go the Jimmy Buffett concert in May! We are psyched about it. Neither of us have never seen him in concert and we have both wanted to for a long time; it's just so hard to get tickets 'cause they usually sell out fast.

**Work is slow. Not managably slow. More like "I don't have enough to do" slow. It stinks. I'd prefer being hella busy to this.

**Because I've been feeling that I'm in something of a life rut, I've been researching activities for MM and me to do on the weekends. This weekend is set: we have dinner with friends on Friday, a hockey game on Saturday, and dinner with his folks on Sunday. The following weekend we are going to Tucson to visit M for her 9th birthday, so next weekend is pretty full, too. After that, I want to hike at least every other week while the weather is still cool enough, and I want to go to the Renaissance Faire. (I've been talking about it since law school and have never gone.) Not sure what else to plan. There is lots to do in Arizona, but it has to be within an hour's drive of us because MM hates driving distances. ;-)

**I'm a dork I know, but I'm loving Facebook. I have become reacquainted with several people I hadn't talked to in YEARS, and it's been so fun! (Could also be related to the fact that I am not busy at work. . . )

Becoming Zen

Is the author of the blog Zen Habits reading my blog to get ideas? ;-)

After my post yesterday, I found this in my feed reader this morning: http://zenhabits.net/2009/02/conquer-the-fears-lurking-in-the-dark-corners-of-your-mind/#comments.

I thought it was an interesting coincidence that this appeared the morning after I posted about my greatest fear. I also find the post to be good practical advice for conquering many fears.

Not sure how to practically apply his suggestions to my particular fear, though. . . .

Fear

There are four ways you can handle fear. You can go over it, under it, or around it. But if you are ever to put fear behind you, you must walk straight through it. Once you put fear behind you, leave it there.
~Donna A. Favors

213.2

I came to a realization during my Saturday morning acupuncture session. For those of you who've never had acupuncture--I was in this category until a few weeks ago--once the practitioner inserts the needles, you basically just lie still and relax for 20-30 minutes once they're in. You really can't move around because you'd dislodge the needles. Because of this forced inactivity, it's easy to relax and to meditate (or cogitate) during acupuncture.

I have been growing increasingly more unhappy every month that I've been off the pill and have not gotten pregnant. This month things finally got to the point where I spent a good portion of Friday crying off and on. (I *rarely* cry. Normally I can go months and months without crying over anything.)

Because this type of reaction is so unlike me, I found myself analyzing the reasons behind it. Trying to conceive and being unsuccessful month after month is frustrating, to be sure. Frustration is usually not enough to make me cry, though. A huge part of trying to get pregnant is completely outside my control. Really, all I can do is take care of my body, have sex at the right times, and pray. But although I hate not being in control, especially over big things feeling out of control also isn't something that I'd generally cry over.

As I lay on the acupuncture table relaxing, it finally came to me. I am upset because I am afraid. Afraid that I won't ever get pregnant. Afraid that I will never bear a child of my own. Afraid that I will never be a mother. And afraid of the toll that this may eventually take on my relationship with MM.

It is fear, not frustration or impatience, that has made me cry. Fear and uncertainty. Fear that has developed over the past ten months that I have been off the pill and not gotten pregnant. Fear that seems less unfounded with each passing unsuccessful cycle.

It's not the waiting that's getting to me. Hell, I have already waited many, many years to even TRY to get pregnant. I waited years to meet someone I could marry, someone I loved enough and with whom I had a healthy enough relationship to have a fighting chance of success in marriage. I am experienced at waiting for things. I may not like it, but I'm accustomed to it.

If I knew for sure that I would get pregnant someday, so long as we keep trying, I believe that my fear would subside. But in this arena, there are no guarantees for any woman who is almost 38 years old and has never conceived. There is no way, short of divine intervention, for me to ever KNOW that I will eventually be pregnant.

I don't know that there is a way to walk through this fear. Certainly I have visualized a life where I never have a child of my own. . . . but deep down inside, I never thought that it would be the life I'd ultimately live.

I will say that it's been a recurrent theme in my life that few things turn out the way I thought they would. Each time life has taken an unexpected turn, I've ended up being happier with the life I have than with the life I had planned.

I can't imagine, though, that I would ever get to a point where I'd be truly OK with never being a mother. But maybe I will.

Tagged

THE RULES: Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own. Step 2: tag— tag eight other un-tagged people. So, here we go!

Make a list of things you can see without getting up: A framed photo of Sebastian; a box of paperback books; a photo of MM and me taken at the Venetian last November just before our wedding; my BlackBerry; a photo of my nephew Rowan; a framed print I bought in Ireland in 2002; a lead crystal carving of a Golden Retriever; my digital camera; my wedding photos (waiting to go into the album); some bills.

What were you like when you were five? I was inquisitive and loved to learn.

What are you wearing now? A black Guinness T-shirt and black lounge pants.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? Just finished Goodnight Nobdoy by Jennifer Weiner today.

Do you nap a lot? When I have the time.

Who was the last person you hugged? My husband

What’s your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Don't really have one

What was the last thing you ate today? A hamburger cooked by MM

What is the best purchase you've ever made? Toyota Prius

What websites do you always visit when you go online? bloglines, facebook, google, yahoo

What was the last thing you bought? Fry bread

What are you listening to right now? ESPN's Sports Center

If you could have any super power, what would it be? The ability to turn dog poo into gold

What is your favorite weather, and why? Phoenix winter weather: 70s, clear, sunny

What time do you usually get up? 7:45

What is your most challenging goal right now? Getting organized

Say something to the person who tagged you: Thanks for the blog entry idea! ;-)

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? On Maui

Favorite vacation spot? Can't really pick A favorite. I can visit DC again and again

What is your favorite children’s book? The Velveteen Rabbit

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you: Chocolate

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be? Jesus

Favorite song: Currently, Single Ladies by Beyonce

Name one thing you would most like to change about yourself: My weight.

Name a bad habit: I tend to obsess about things in a negative way.

What are you looking forward to this year? Seeing my nephew next month, and celebrating all our "firsts" as a married couple: first Valentine's Day, first Easter, etc.

Benefits of daily exercise

213.2



I only have six days left in the 30 days from my original 30-day challenge; my first day of exercise to start my streak was January 13th. (I remember because a good friend had a baby the same day.) Assuming I work out every day for the next six--and I see no reason at the moment why this can't happen--I will have worked out 28 of the 30 days.

A 93%. Not 100%, but not too shabby. Actually, just having worked out 22 of the past 24 days works out to slightly more than six days a week of exercise. Excellent! For the past 3+ weeks, I have FINALLY been doing MORE exercise than my doctor recommended.

I have to say, I have seen LOADS of benefits from this daily exercise thing. I am sleeping better and snoring less. (Yes, I sometimes snore. Poor MM.) My energy level is higher--and more constant--throughout the day. Because my energy level is higher, I am able to concentrate better at work. (Well, I *would* be able to concentrate better if I wasn't preoccupied with non-work stuff.) I am finally, FINALLY having fewer headaches: I've only had one (mild) migraine since the 30-day challenge started and fewer tension headaches. When I do have to take medication for a headache, I can take less and the headaches don't last as long.

I perceive a significant difference in my exercise endurance, too. I can jog longer, go faster, and generally feel better while working out than I did before. It's no longer a struggle to get through a 30-minute workout. In fact, most days I quite enjoy it. For example, I had a kick-ass 30-minute workout on the elliptical trainer last night at the gym. . . . so good, in fact, that when the 30-minute program ended, I hopped on the treadmill and jogged for five more minutes! I certainly didn't do that prior to this challenge.

Because I have also quit caffeine, started acupuncture, and gone for an hour-long massage every other week since starting this 30-day challenge, I cannot say with absolute certainty that all the things I mentioned above are attributable to (almost) daily exercise.

The scale hasn't really changed much with increasing my exercise, but I do notice I am slightly firmer in places, and MM says I look a little smaller to him. And honestly, I didn't start this challenge to lose weight (though it would've been nice!), so I'm fine with this.

I am on board with doing another 30-day challenge, and my next one will be to actually eat the RDA-recommended nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day. I've been reading up on ways to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet. Assuming I can get to the grocery store on the 16th and get prepared, I will probably start on the 17th because I want to complete my exercise challenge first and want to start at the beginning of a week. (Our office is closed the 16th for Presidents' Day.)

I think that this next challenge will be tougher for me than the exercise challenge. We shall see!

Insensitive much?

213.8

You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.
~Maya Angelou

Now that I've reached an age where 40 no longer seems old, I've sometimes had cause to reflect on things I've done and said in the past. At no time has this been more true than since MM and I started actively trying to have a child of our own. As I've written here before, I naively thought that this endeavor would be accomplished in a relatively short time. Certainly no longer than six months. I was even concerned for a while that I'd get pregnant before we were married. (This seems laughable to me now.)

When I was younger, I used to routinely ask couples who'd been married more than six months when they were going to have a baby. It never occurred to me that the mere question might cause some of these people pain.

Likewise, I used to have no qualms about asking a couple whose only child was at least 2 when/if they planned to have another. Again, I never realized that there might be reasons that this wasn't part of their plan.

I used to think that women who were willing to put their bodies and minds through all sorts of stress with fertility treatments were missing the point and that they should "just adopt." I used to think that I would never subject myself to all that "unnecessary" poking, prodding and stress.

I used to think that when the day came that I decided to have a baby of my own, I'd have some fun, passionate, unprotected sex and get the job done in no time flat. I figured I would even have the luxury of deciding which month of the year might be most convenient for me to be giving birth.

I used to think (though, thank goodness, I never said to anyone) that maybe people who couldn't have a baby on their own "weren't meant to be parents."

I used to think (though, again, I never said to anyone) that people who were trying for a while to get pregnant should "just relax and stop trying."

I have learned a lot in the past several months.

#500

212.6

This post is my 500th, and I can't even be bothered to think of something interesting to write about. I'm in a funk today for the same reason I've been in a funk many, many times over the past ten months.

I couldn't let the day go by without posting my lower weight, though! And that's even after having a HUGE dinner out with my friend M yesterday before the gym.

90% is still an A

213.2







As my ticker shows, I missed another day of working out since my last post: this one was last night. Again, I did walk the dog to the park and back, but I don't count that as a workout; it's activity, yes, but I definitely don't get my heart rate up.

I had tummy problems yesterday morning (no, not morning sickness), so I stayed home from work. I felt better in the evening, but still run-down and generally lethargic (despite a 4-hour nap). So those were my reasons (excuses) for not working out.

Anyway. Onward and upward. I've brought my workout clothes with me to work today and I'll be meeting MM at the gym as usual this evening.

Aside from the after effects of yesterday's GI upset, I feel pretty much back to normal today. Don't have much of an appetite, though, but hey! That's a good thing. All I've eaten today is a packet of instant organic oatmeal, and even though it's 2:00 here, I'm still not hungry. I'm not knockin' it! Just drinking water continuously.

One of the partners settled a case today which was going to trial in two weeks. I've been working a lot on that case the last few weeks, so I can now focus on other things. The settlement was an excellent outcome for our client, so I am happy about it for that reason as well.

Today's post is #499. Gonna try to make the next one special. . . .

Broke my streak

212.8 (ah, the irony!)

Yesterday I continued to be unusually and inexplicably tired, and in the late afternoon I started getting a headache as well. So I went home, put a hot compress on my neck and shoulders, and went to sleep.

I was awakened by a phone call from MM a little after 6 p.m.--almost two hours after I'd gone to sleep--and at that time my headache was worse, but not so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep until 8 p.m.

When I woke up at 8, I had a full-on migraine. (I will still NEVER understand how a headache can get worse--or even develop--while I'm sleeping!). I took some Excedrin--even though I am giving up caffeine--and by 9:00 I felt a bit better. Still not 100%, though.

Unfortunately, I didn't feel well enough to work out. I did take Sebastian to the park--about a 15-minute round-trip walk with a 10-minute break at the park for him to run--but I didn't do any other exercise yesterday. :-(

Ah well. If I end up working out "only" 29 days out of 30, I will still be pretty happy with that. It certainly represents a significant increase in exercise from what I had been doing! I'd hoped for 100% compliance, but perhaps that was too lofty a goal. I will be working out tonight for sure, so it's "right back on the horse" today.

After a full night's sleep (yes, in spite of having slept almost four hours in the afternoon/evening), I woke up today feeling refreshed and back to normal. And shock of shocks, the scale was the lowest it's been since I started this 30-day challenge. WTF is up with that?!

Tomorrow is my second acupuncture session. I am certainly going to mention to the doc that my headaches continue (though it seems that their frequency and severity is decreasing). I'm looking forward to the session, truth be told: the first one was quite relaxing.

Weekend plans: relaxing night at home tonight with MM; eye doctor, leg wax, and acupuncture tomorrow, with lunch with KC worked in, followed by a Coyotes hockey game in the evening. Sunday will be loads of household chores--I'm woefully behind on them--and dinner with the in-laws.

TGIF!

So.inexplicably.tired

215.2 (figures)

Just as I suspected: the scale is back up today. The fact that dinner last night was a late meal of spaghetti and meatballs (and salad & breadsticks) at the Olive Garden is a likely contributing factor.

Ever since my alarm went off the first time this morning, I have been so very, very tired. I have no explanation for why I'm so tired. I went to bed at a decent hour and got a good and full night's sleep. I exercised yesterday after work, just as I have for all of the last sixteen days. I took my herbs and nutritional supplements just as usual. I'm drinking plenty of water.

I so badly want a cup of coffee, but I am staying strong. It helps that I really don't like the coffee that my firm provides; in order to have a cup of coffee I'd enjoy, I'd have to actually drive to the nearest Starbucks about five minutes away.

I'm too tired to think of anything more interesting to write, and I have a bunch of work stuff I've gotta get done. Maybe I'll take a brisk walk around the block and see if that helps. . . .

Edited to add: I did a brisk 10-minute walk outside, and I think it helped. It is a beautiful sunny day outside. It felt good just to get outdoors for a little while.

Halfway there. . .

213.2

As of last night's workout, I am halfway through my 30-day workout challenge. I am quite proud of myself and am already noticing many positive effects from exercising daily. This morning, the scale was actually down a little, too. . . . even though I actually ate quite a bit last night. I don't trust it, though. We'll see what it does over the next few days. It's apt to go back up again.

I was thinking last night as I was on the phone with a friend in Tucson that one downside of this daily exercise challenge is that I've become more boring. Every evening after work, I go straight to the gym. After getting home, eating dinner, and spending some time with Sebastian, I really don't do much of anything else except maybe read for a while.

To be fair, part of the reason I don't do much else in the evenings is also because I am electing to spend time with my husband in lieu of doing other things. So I guess in that sense I'm just becoming a boring married person. LOL

If/when I successfully complete this 30-day challenge, I think the next thing I am going to challenge myself to do is to eat more vegetables. I don't come anywhere near the recommended nine servings a day; I'm usually doing well to get in 3-4 servings.

At nearly 38 years old, with known high cholesterol and a family history of diabetes and heart disease, I'd say it's long past time for me to be focusing on forming healthy habits. . . . and not just solely for the sake of weight loss. So that's what I'll be working on this year.

One day at a time

215.0 (see?)

On contemplating my unchanging weight this morning, I was briefly reminded of an experience I had with a college boyfriend. (To maintain his anonymity, I will refer to him as "Pig Farmer." Some readers will get a chuckle out of this, for various reasons, but there is a specific reason for this moniker that will especially amuse a couple of my readers who will actually remember when I dated Pig Farmer.)

Pig Farmer was in the Army, which (as many of you may be aware) has weight restrictions for its enlistees. When Pig Farmer needed to drop a few pounds to get back under his weight limit, he would just play an extra couple of games of pick-up basketball every week. He didn't cut back on his eating or do any other type of extra exercise. . . well, to be fair, he already did daily PT *and* he was only 19 years old. But that small increase in his activity was always enough for him to drop 10-15 pounds in a couple of weeks.

Hearing Pig Farmer talk about this gave me my first window into how weight loss is different for men than it is for women. I don't know any woman (now or when I was in college) who could lose ANY weight simply by playing a little extra hoops with no dietary modifications whatsoever.

Actually, over the years I'd suspected that exercise alone would not make me lose weight, but I finally confirmed this during my first year of law school. Prior to that time, generally when I would undertake a program of regular exercise, it would be accompanied with dieting. (I was always kind of an "all or nothing" sort.) But during my first year in law school, I started working out regularly for the stress reduction and didn't really make a sincere effort to change my eating habits.

For over a year, I worked out 3-4 days a week for about 30 minutes at a time. Nothing overly strenuous: a brisk walk or the elliptical trainer. And during that year, I think I lost about two pounds.

(Eventually, once I was well in the habit of daily exercise, I did end up also modifying my eating habits and had lots of success on Weight Watchers, losing about 35 pounds in four months. But that's another post.)

Yesterday marked my 13th consecutive day of working out. My friend V and I went on a 3.8-mile hike which took us just under two hours. It was an absolutely beautiful day weather-wise, and the hike we went on--a new one for me--had some very gorgeous desert scenery and awesome views. We took Sebastian, too, so he also got a workout in. ;-)

I haven't decided yet whether I'll be going to the gym tonight or for a brisk walk around the neighborhood; it will depend in part on what time MM gets off work. But I will certainly be doing one or the other.

In addition to my daily exercise, I've quit caffeine (again). I started seeing a Traditional Chinese Medicine doc on Friday and had my first acupuncture session. She recommended that I quit caffeine and gave me various herbs to take. I haven't had a cup of coffee since Thursday morning, though I did have to break down and take some Excedrin for a mild headache on Saturday afternoon.

Surprisingly, unlike the last time I tried to give up coffee, my energy level and concentration have both been fine. Not sure if this is due to my daily exercise, the acupuncture, the herbs, or just plain good luck. . . . but I'll take it. ;-)

In other news. . . . Mom left yesterday morning to begin her trek back home to Ohio. I will miss her. Although he gets along well with her, MM is glad she's gone. She *was* with us for nearly three months, so I can see why he feels this way. He is looking forward to our having our house to ourselves again. . . for the first time as a married couple.

P.S. I am coming up on 500 posts and would like to post "something special" for post #500. Any suggestions for a topic?

12 days down

216.2 (yep, it's up)

Don't have much to write about, but wanted to update on my 30-day challenge. Today was my 12th consecutive day of exercise, and I had a GREAT workout. I can already perceive an increase in my endurance, and I'm having to work harder to get my heart rate up. Hard to believe I'm already seeing progress.

Even better, I have more energy and am sleeping better at night. AND. . . I'm giving up coffee. Yep. I haven't had any caffeine at all since Thursday morning (except the caffeine in a dose of Excedrin I had to take this afternoon for a mild headache).

Today is my mom's last day with us. I hope she has a safe journey back to Ohio.

Suitable for children?

An experience I had today made me think of an issue on which I'm interested to hear the opinions of other intelligent women. ;-)

Is there anywhere that it is inappropriate to take your pre-school-aged children?

When I was a hospital nurse, I thought it was highly inappropriate when people brought their small children in to visit. I believe an exception can be made in instances when the child is coming to see a dying (or at least gravely ill) relative--especially a parent, grandparent, or sibling--but nearly all the chlidren I saw were there with parents who were visiting someone who would be returning home from the hospital in, at most, a few days.

Hospitals are full of germs, as well as many other hazards, so bringing small children there risks their health. Small children also harbor lots of germs themselves, putting the (already sick) patients at (further) risk of infections.

As a prosecutor, I often saw people bringing their small children to court for criminal sentencings, and sometimes even for trials. I never thought that seeing "Daddy," "Mommy," or "Uncle So-and-So" in an orange jumpsuit on his/her way to prison was a good thing for those children. . . . not to mention the fact that small children often disrupt these types of proceedings when they attend.

Many is the time that I've watched R-rated movies and other patrons have brought their small children along. Sometimes these were movies that gave *me* nightmares.

I couldn't imagine taking my own small child to any of the above places (or some others), and yet others apparently thought that this behavior was appropriate.

Is it me? Is it because I don't have kids? Is there something I don't "get"?

Don't get me wrong: I *love* kids! I don't even mind them in upscale restaurants or other similar places where I've heard others say they'd rather not see them. I just think that some places are "not suitable for children."

Please weigh in.

Everything happens for a reason

215.6 (note how 8 consecutive days of working out has not moved this number down)

I notice that often when something negative or undesirable happens to us, friends and family reassure us by repeating the phrase that is the title of this post: "everything happens for a reason."

I know I've had discussions with at least a couple of my friends about whether, in fact, this is the case. . . . or whether we just frame things this way in retrospect. As an example, some might say that the "reason" that things didn't work out with my ex-fiance SL and me was so that "something better" could come into my life in the form of my relationship with MM.

BUT. . . . did my break-up with SL REALLY happen so that I could meet and marry MM? Couldn't it simply be that I broke up with SL because not marrying him was a better idea than marrying him, and then eventually (and inevitably) I fell in love with someone new who just happens to be a better fit for me?

Does anything that happens to us TRULY happen for a reason?

Discuss.

7 days

214.4

Just wanted to "toot my own horn" a little (actually, I hate that expression) and say that I have exercised seven of the last seven days. That's right: I'm almost 1/4 of the way to my goal of 30 workouts in 30 days.

I usually do the elliptical trainer, but I have mixed it up a little and done a brisk walk in my neighborhood one evening and alternated jogging and walking on the treadmill another evening. I even worked out when I had a headache on Thursday night; I just walked more slowly than my usual pace, but still covered close to 2 miles.

Yea me!!

Of course, as predicted, the scale really hasn't budged. Ah well. One thing at a time. . . .

Meme

If you got trapped in an elevator with someone, who would you want it to be?
Conor Jackson

What is your favorite cereal?
Kashi Go Lean Crunch

Do you own any cowboy boots?
Not anymore

What is something you would never do in public?
Tweeze the hairs off my chin

Have you ever had really strange dreams?
Yep

Name a friend or loved one who has passed away.
Both grandmas, stepdad

What’s your earliest memory?
Forgetting to stop playing to use the potty and having an "accident"

Have you ever broken a bone before, and if so, how?
I've broken two different toes

Have you ever stepped in dog poo?
Yes

Ever bitten your toenails?
Nope

Who is your all time hero?
I don’t have one.

What colors do you think mix well?
Red white and blue

What did you eat recently?
2 soy sausage patties and an ounce of cheddar cheese

What was your favorite cartoon movie as a child?
I don’t remember having one.

What’s your favorite movie now?
I have several. I really like Clueless

Do you paint your toenails?
Sometimes

Is your computer a fast and awesome computer?
It's all right

What do you do, or want to do for a living?
I'm a lawyer

If one of your long lost exes called you and asked for you back, would you take them back?
Hell no.

Have you ever been a heart-breaker?
Yes.

What’s your favorite instrument?
Clarinet

What is a country you want to visit badly before you die?
Italy

Have you made a bucket list?
Yes

What things in history amuse you the most?
Sarah Palin

Have you ever eaten lipstick?
Nope

What are 3 accessories you have to be equipped with when you go out?
I'm not a big accessories person

Have you ever licked a window before?
Nope

If someone dared you to run across a busy street for 1 thousand dollars, would you?
Nope

Would you kill someone for 9 million dollars?
Depends on who it is

Who is your worst enemy right now and why?
I don't really have any enemies (at least not as far as I know, lol)

Have you ever been in a physical fight with anyone before?
Only my sister.

What brand of cell phone do you have, and which service provider?
BlackBerry by Verizon

Do you wear slippers or socks?
Neither

Do your feet stink?
Not usually

Have you ever picked your butt in public?
Probably

What is the strangest pet you’ve ever owned?
I've only had the usual: cats, dogs, fish. My sister and I did keep a tadpole once for a few weeks (& managed to kill him before he became a frog).

Do you love life or hate it?
Love

Who is the hottest person in the entire universe, in your opinion?
How could I possibly narrow this down to one?

What do you do every night before bed?
Make sure my alarm is set. . . otherwise I'd be even later to work every day.

Quick note

213.6

I have several projects which need to be completed today, so I don't have time for a long entry. I did want to post my weight (yea!) and the fact that I made it to the gym last night on my own! God, I can't remember the last time that happened. . . . certainly before I dated MM! I have my gym stuff in my office as I type this and will be headed there after work to meet MM for workout #3 of my 30-workout challenge.

MM was surprised when I told him about my contemplated challenge to myself and a little skeptical that I will actually follow through. He also said "if you go to the gym every day for a month, you're sure to lose weight." Um, yeah. Not so much. He doesn't get the whole "must exercise and eat better simultaneously" thing.

I have been bringing my lunch to work every day to save time and money, but I don't always bring something healthful. Still, I guess it's probably better for me than eating out. Although today I brought Chipotle leftovers from last night; definitely NOT a very nutritious meal.

I had an hour-long massage last night, and it was awesome. I really need to get back on track with getting bi-weekly massages; it really helps my sleep and cuts down on my headaches. Last night's massage was my first since Maui, so I'd seriously gotten out of the habit.

I'm glad it's Thursday! I have a three-day weekend this weekend because we have Monday off for "Civil Rights Day" (as MLK Day is called in Arizona).

Now back to work. . . .

30 days

215.2

Anyone who has known me for a long time will tell you that I need something to obsess over. I guess I'm just a mentally restless person or something, but I've always been this way.

Most of my life, I've obsessed over men I dated/wanted to date/had dated or other equally useless things. Occasionally I've had some healthier obsessions, like weight loss or law school.

Being obsessive is not an entirely bad thing. It gives me focus--something I am otherwise sadly lacking--and I can get a lot accomplished when I'm fixated on something.

I've made up my mind that I am going to obsess about exercise. (Yeah, I know that's not exactly how obsessions work--I can't really just "make up my mind" to obsess about something--but go with it.) I've been half-a$$ing my doctor-ordered "three times a week" working out for over a year, but no more. Starting today (actually, yesterday), my goal is going to be to work out seven days a week.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get some form of aerobic exercise for 30 minutes every day. Do I think I will be 100% successful? Probably not, which is why I'm aiming for every day. I figure even if I fall short of my goal, I will probably still meet and exceed the three workouts a week I am supposed to be doing.

I really should also focus on improving my eating, but I am going to concentrate on one thing at a time. I am going to aim for thirty 30-minute workouts in the next thirty days.

It's not a tumor

212.6 (hmm)

I left work after an hour yesterday because I had a headache. Actually, I had some degree of headache from Saturday afternoon on. I've always gotten a lot more headaches than the average person, in addition to having migraines, but lately it's been really out of hand. I'm going to ask my dentist about TMJ when I see him in a few weeks, and I'm also going to get my eyes checked soon; I have a suspicion that my contacts prescription needs updating.

I hardly ate anything yesterday--nauseated and/or sleeping most of the day---so I suppose that would account for the weight I saw this morning. I fully expect to be back to the 214-215 range tomorrow.

Thank goodness, I feel fine this morning. But yesterday I literally slept from 11:00 a.m. to 2:30, and then again from 3:00 to 5:00. . . . after having had 8 hours of sleep the night before, too. AND I still went to bed last night by 11:00. Crazy.

Friday night's party was good. It was great to see the guest of honor, as well as lots of old co-workers. There were a couple of folks I'd hoped to see who didn't make it and a couple of folks I saw from a distance but didn't get chance to talk with before they left the party. SL was there, too, as expected. I didn't talk to him, but I did wave at him from a little distance away, and he waved back. And MM got to see him and reacted about as I would have expected.

Recall my post about my friend D who had not acknowledged my wedding. I've still heard nothing from her. Yesterday was her 40th birthday, and for the first time since we've known each other, I did nothing to commemorate her birthday. (Usually I send a card and also call.) Rather than send the angry letter I posted a few weeks ago. . . . I figured I would just stop talking to her. And it seems to have worked. It's sad to have to end a long friendship, but what else to do? I know she never would have "gotten it" and I couldn't go on with the status quo. Looking back, I'm surprised that I was able to maintain such a one-sided friendship for as long as I did; that type of relationship is really very uncharacteristic for me.

Not much else going on. Mom is only going to be here until 1/25 or 1/26, so I will probably spend a good portion of this weekend with her. I'm also hoping to meet KC for lunch. The week ahead should be uneventful. I guess that's good.

Good and bad

I've been in a down mood most of the day--actually crying a little off and on--because I am about to get my period. No, my low mood and tears aren't related to PMS; I'm sad because this cycle was my tenth off birth control and I'm still not pregnant.

I could write several more pages on that topic, but at this point I'm emotionally spent. . . . so I'll just leave it at that.

On a more positive note. . . . I'm going to a party tonight that I've been looking forward to for weeks! The man who trained me when I started working as a prosecutor--someone I greatly admire and esteem--recently retired and is hosting a retirement party in Tucson. He has invited all the people he ever supervised. . . . which is a fair number, given his nearly-35-year career with that office and the rate of attorney turnover. (From what I hear, there will be 150-200 guests.) Several friends (and many more acquaintances) who I haven't seen in a long time will be in attendance. I'm excited to see everyone and catch up!

Interestingly, my ex-fiance SL is also on the guest list and has RSVP'd that he will be attending (we met at work and worked at the same place for the first several months of our relationship). So if he shows up, I will also be seeing him for the first time in a long time. I don't even know if he knows that I am married. And MM will be seeing SL for the first time. Most of the people at the party knew SL and me during the era when we were a couple. Could be a little awkward. . . .

I'll be spending the night at my friend L's and seeing little M in the morning before I head back to Phoenix.

Today's been a crappy end to a busy week. . . . I can use some enjoyment!

Repulsed

215.8 (ugh)

I have been particularly repulsed by myself lately. Although I am about 65-75 lbs overweight, I usually don't spend a lot of time dwelling on how fat I look. . . . probably because I have been fat to some degree or another my entire adult life and have grown accustomed to it. Usually if my weight is bothering me, it's because I've had a hard time finding clothes in my size, I have no/low energy, or my weight is holding me back from doing something I want to do, like hiking the Grand Canyon.

But the past few weeks, I've just felt that my body is gross. Every time I sit down, I notice my huge belly. I know my a$$ is huge, too, but thankfully don't own a full-length mirror and so only really notice it in the shower. My calves are really thick. My upper arms have way more jiggle than I'd like. When I saw my wedding photos, I was reminded afresh that there's no two ways about it: I'm a fat girl.

Now that I'm married, in addition to feeling bad and frustrated with myself for my weight, I also feel bad for MM. MM works out five days a week, eats small portions, and has good genes, so he is pretty slim. (5'8" and about 165 lbs) Although I only weigh a few lbs more than I did when we met (I weighed 211.4 on the day of our first date) and he tells me that he loves me no matter what. . . . I can't help but feel that he deserves a wife who is in better shape.

MM often encourages me to go to the gym with him--and sometimes I do--but he focuses totally on my health, in particular the fact that my cholesterol is high and my doctor says I am supposed to be exercising at least 30 minutes three times a week. I know, though, that even if I actually did all three workouts a week (& more), I won't lose any weight. I will only lose weight if I exercise AND diligently police every bite of food I put into my mouth.

Anyway. . . it remains to be seen whether these feelings motivate me to any action.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

(wt=??)

MM and I returned this afternoon from visiting my father and stepmother in southern New Mexico. We arrived to heavy cloud cover and wet roads from yet another rainy day here in Phoenix. WTF is going on with our weather? All this rain just seems unusual for us this time of year; we generally get the majority of our rainfall in late summer.

Anyhoo, the visit with the parents was (mostly) good. We did manage to irk one or both of them on Friday (long story, and I'm not even sure we figured out exactly what did the irking), but they were over it by the time we returned from our hike, and there were no further "incidents."

MM was unimpressed with my alma mater, NMSU, and with the Las Cruces area in general (except for the hike, which he thought was beautiful). He has expressed a willingness to return once a year in the future, but not more than that, barring some unforeseen circumstance. He figures that that should satisfy the parents since "it's more than (my BIL) does." True, but my BIL has the luxury of living many states away rather than one state away. We shall see.

Tomorrow is back to the ol' grind. I had to do some research on Westlaw this evening for a motion response that I must draft before noon tomorrow; I couldn't access Westlaw from home and thus had not completed the research on NYE. [sigh] Ah well.

People continue to pop out of the woodwork on Facebook for me. It's kind of fun, actually.

Now that it's January, I intend to start sorting through the several boxes of crap I brought with me from my old place. I also want to organize the closets in my bathroom 'cause they're a mess and I can't find stuff. Oh, and start exercising more and eating more healthfully.

Right. So I'll just get crackin' on all that tomorrow, then.