Thursday, March 20, 2008

Not Me

204.8 (yesterday was 203.8)
I really don't know what the f&%^ is wrong with me lately. I cannot shake this latest cold I've got: I've now had it for a week. I haven't felt weak or tired or achy since the first 2-3 days, but I continue to be plagued with head congestion and periodic coughing fits. The coughing fits give me headaches, too, which totally sucks. Nothing seems to relieve these headaches, either. . . . except not coughing.
May I just add that, yes, I HAVE been drinking lots of fluids, getting plenty of rest, taking multi-vitamins and extra vitamin C and zinc, and taking Zicam. None of that sh1t has worked to kick this.
In addition to not being physically recovered from my THIRD F&%^ING COLD THIS YEAR, I just have not been myself. I'm not sure what's wrong with me at the moment, but I have felt an odd desire to just drop completely out of my life: my job, my relationships. These past few days, I have felt like I could leave everything but Sebastian behind. Which is odd, because I'm not having any problems per se with any area of my life currently (except, perhaps, my health).
MM and I went to a baseball spring training game last night. It was OK. (See, just the mere fact that I found it "OK" shows that I'm not the usual me. Normally I love going to these games! WTF is wrong with me!?)
MM is pretty good at reading my moods--being the sensitive person that he is--and he immediately sensed that I was "different" and not just because I was coughing and blowing my nose constantly. Of course, being MM, he assumed that I was different because I had a problem with him specifically or with "us." It's hard to explain to someone that I'm just not feeling like myself. I tried, and also chalked it up to being tired (which, by then, I was). And I think he accepted that.
I was exhausted once again this morning, despite appearing to have slept a full night. So I decided I wouldn't go in to work until noon. (Ostensibly, I'm "working from home." OK, I am linked up to the work email system.) I will have to make up the hours I didn't bill this morning this weekend, but right now I don't really care. My entire mood is "whatever."
As for eating and exercise, I've been eating reasonably, but not following any type of structured eating plan. My weight has remained between 203 and 206 these past few weeks. I have not been to the gym in two weeks, though: last week, MM was sick (& I had other evening commitments), and this week, I have not physically felt up to exercising. I'd like to get back to the gym; I do think it helps me. But there is no way I can work out with the congestion and coughing fits I've been having.
I really hate being sick, and I really hate the mood I've been in. I hope I snap out of this sh1t soon.
Tomorrow is my 37th birthday. As I predicted months ago when I first learned that MM is a big college hoops fan, his team (Indiana) is playing on my birthday. We are going to have dinner at a sports bar tomorrow night and watch the game. My real "birthday celebration" will be on Saturday night, when MM is taking me to a nice Japanese restaurant with some of my friends.
Mom is gone at the moment: her mother-in-law passed away unexpectedly on Monday morning, so she is back in Ohio for the services. She will be back next Tuesday.
I'm out of things to share. If someone reading has an explanation for my mood (or why I've already had three frickin' colds this year, plus bronchitis), I'm all ears. ;-)


JessiferSeabs said...

My guess is that you just have the blahs from being sick so much! I'd suggest Seasonal Affect Disorder, like me, but since I just got back from your neck of the woods, I don't think that's the case!