Ennui

205

I woke up this morning and did not want to come to work. This feeling has persisted throughout the workday. The tasks I knew I had on tap for today were either tedious or annoying.

I have been in my current position now for nearly eight months. Although the job has grown slightly more stressful over the past few weeks as my workload has increased, by and large, I've had no major complaints. I am earning a decent salary for the first time ever, so for the first time in my adult life, I don't lie awake at night wondering how I am going to pay my bills.

My one complaint, if any, about this job is that it's boring. Sitting at a desk, reading, writing, and doing research all day: not my idea of excitement. In order to bill enough hours each day, I have to basically shut myself in my office and avoid interacting with people on anything but a professional basis.

In many ways, being a prosecutor was perfect for me: the right mix between interacting with regular people and thinking about legal concepts. And I loved doing trials, though I didn't always like the stress associated with being in a very trial-focused job. I certainly didn't like the pay at my former job.

My three years of law school were three of the best of my life, and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. Yet I sometimes wonder if there is still something out there that would be a better fit for me than being a lawyer.
When I think of continuing to do what I'm doing now indefinitely--or becoming a partner at my current firm--the idea is not at all appealing. That thought alone makes me think that I should be doing something else. But what?

I am not ready to give up on the practice of law at this point. But I am beginning to think that a future at this firm is not in the cards for me.