Best friend

205.4 (ugh)

My mood is slightly improved today, but I'm still not my usual chipper self. I have my moods like anyone else, but generally I've been pretty happy the past several months. Not so this week.

Maybe I will perk up once I finish my caffe mocha. . . .

Back at the office, working on some more boring sh1t. At least I have a deposition to attend for a while this afternoon; it'll be nice to get out of the office for a while.

I tried to talk to MM about my bad mood last night, but he kept saying that no one is in a bad mood for "no reason" and that there must BE a reason and I just don't know what it is. . . . . maybe I'm unhappy in our relationship or don't really want to buy a house together. Ugh. I love the guy, but it's hard to deal with his worries sometimes. I am certain that my bad mood has NOTHING to do with us: in fact, talking to him yesterday was the highlight of my day. Surely I wouldn't feel that way if I were unhappy in the relationship.

In a way I feel like I can't talk with MM about my feelings because he always fears the worst and takes it personally if I say I'm not happy. Although this is not currently a huge problem for me, I will say that I don't think this is a good thing for the future of our relationship.

He is fond of saying that I am his best friend, and I know he likes to think that he is my best friend, too. But to me a best friend is someone you can tell anything without fear of being judged or pushing them away, and unfortunately, I don't feel that about him. To the contrary: I feel that I have to be somewhat careful what I tell him, for fear I will hurt his feelings or give him cause for (further) anxiety.

Anyway. . . . . .

MM and I are hitting the gym this evening after work. Maybe that'll help my mood.