Sick day

215.2

I stayed home from work yesterday; I called in sick. I woke up feeling achy all over and just exhausted, with a slight scratchy throat, so I thought I must be coming down with something. After sleeping until nearly 11:00 a.m., I woke up feeling fine, so in retrospect I don't think I was really sick. Maybe just residual effects of staying up later than usual to watch a baseball game that went into extra innings or just sick and tired.

I am, and have been, in a definite funk. (I hesitate to call it a "depression" because I just don't think it is quite that severe.) I felt better for a few days when I first starting applying for other jobs and when I had an interview, and in the rush of motivation which came with restarting JC, but over the past few days, my mood has once again deteriorated.

I think my feelings stem primarily from just feeling "stuck." Our inability to achieve parenthood thus far has meant that I am stuck in my personal life for the time being. I can't move forward with plans to live a childless life, because we don't know for sure yet whether that is where we will end up. And I obviously can't make plans for parenthood when it is equally uncertain. Certain travel and hobbies are limited by the need to save money, both due to my decreased income related to my decreased workload and due to not knowing whether we may have to shell out big bucks for fertility treatment in the not-so-distant future.

Now I feel stuck at work as well. Not only do I feel stuck in my specific job because I haven't been able to find another one and because things have been so slow (adversely affecting my income), but I don't feel like I have grown much here professionally for a while. I am the type of person who craves constant learning and, to a certain degree, change, so "celebrating" three years at this job today does not feel like a celebration at all. Even economics notwithstanding, I want to do something else. Work at a different firm, go back to criminal prosecution, take an in-house counsel position, something.

I am stuck in Phoenix, too, by virtue of the fact that I own a home here that we couldn't sell without suffering a financial loss. Also, my husband's job is here, and my in-laws relocated to the area to be near MM, their only child. I am no longer free to move if I want, and while this fact didn't bother me when I was content with my life, it is bothering me now. (Ironically, I think back on the years when I was unsettled and moving often and longing to be rooted in one place. Well, now I am.)

I have stayed pretty much on track with JC this week, aside from a tiny half slice of thin crust pizza last night substituted for my evening snack of fruit and yogurt and filching a small chocolate chip cookie on Wednesday night. So I guess that is one thing I can feel good about.

My inclination is to just whole up in my house on the couch or in bed with books and TV, but I don't have that luxury. I guess it's a good thing I am forced to work full-time. . . . keeps me from having a breakdown.

Post & dash

215.0

Had a 100% on plan day eating-wise yesterday, plus a very good workout at the gym: 10 minutes of weight training followed by 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I also drank over 3 liters of water and went for a 20-minute walk with our dogs. Yippee!

Perhaps not surprisingly, my energy level yesterday was high. Too bad most of the day was spent stuck at work, but I did get a few things done at home in the evening, though I wasn't home from the gym until after 7:30.

Tomorrow promises to be an equally good day. Food planned, gym bag packed, already downed almost a liter of water. Good times.

Maintain

216.0

Yesterday's weight at home was 217.0 and at my JC centre 217.6. So I didn't lose anything for my second week; I maintained. Given how I ate over the weekend in San Diego, I'll take it.

I got right back on the horse yesterday, sticking to my eating plan and drinking loads of water (nearly 3 liters). I was worn out and didn't make the gym--I hate going on Mondays anyway because it's also extra crowded--but I have my stuff packed and will be going today after work.

I plan to see a loss this week. I can hardly fail to lose if I follow the plan and exercise, right? I mean, it's WAY too early for me to plateau.

BTW, trip to San Diego was great. Had my first Pinkberry, and it was delicious! Perfect weather. Very relaxing.

Slow progress

216.4

Despite the fact that I skipped the gym last night (I'd signed up for an evening continuing legal education course I forgot about), the scale was still down just a little more this morning. Nice! I'll take it.

My eating was 100% on program yesterday, and I am proud of myself. I didn't let Wednesday night's slip at dinner turn into a long, downward slide, as I often have in the past.

I am coming to realize that working full time does not leave me nearly enough time to do all the things I most enjoy. I don't dislike my job--and I like it MUCH better than any job I had in my previous career--but working 40+ hours a week makes it hard to have time for other things. I would like to devote more time to reading, spending time with friends, talking to my out-of-town friends on the phone, and volunteering, but between work and the mundane activities of daily life, like laundry, meal preparation, and other chores, it seems that I have little time.

Oh well. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who feels this way. Truth be told, in the current economic climate, I am grateful just to have a full-time job and shouldn't complain about it taking up too much of my time. ;-)

Unfortunately, the whole "work smarter, not harder" concept does not apply to attorneys who work in civil practice; it's all about the billable hour. So I just have to accept that I am going to be spending the majority of my waking hours working until/unless I change to a less demanding, or part-time, job.

I am having a hard time getting motivated to exercise these days. I know I feel better and have more energy when I do it, but getting myself to the gym has been a challenge. And because it doesn't get under 100 degrees until well after 9 p.m. this time of year, outdoor exercise is out. (Unless I wanted to get up around dawn to work out, which I know from experience is unlikely to happen.)

Maybe as I continue to improve my eating and to slowly lose weight, I will feel more like working out. Cooler weather would help, too, but I have to wait until, oh, October for that.

Why

216.6

Beginning around 4:00 yesterday afternoon, I was seized by a sudden yearning to eat something carb-laden and fatty. I'll admit that the inclination to go "off program" for a meal arose even earlier in the day. I had resisted the urge earlier in the day to visit Qdoba for their delicious nachos--which I had been eating at least 2-3 times a week prior to re-starting JC after the July 4th holiday--but the desire to eat something "bad" built and built as the afternoon progressed.

I ended up losing the battle of wills with myself and getting dinner at Chi.no Band.ido, a local Chinese-Mexican fusion place which has been featured on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. (I know it sounds weird, but trust me, it is fantastic!) I had a jerk chicken quesadilla, a machaca burrito, refried beans, and fried rice with more jerk chicken, and I enjoyed it tremendously. The food there are always great, but it was a particular treat after more than a week of eating healthfully again.

I have to admit, I felt a little bit like an addict as I was driving to the restaurant, which is about 15-20 minutes from my office and not really on my way home. (I have to detour 10-15 minutes off my usual route to get there.) I felt driven to get the food. It was actually kinda weird, and I don't know why I had this strong, near-irresistible yen for this particular food.

I tried several techniques which have worked in the past for talking myself out of eating this dinner: refocusing on my reasons for wanting to lose weight, planning ways to jazz up the dinner I'd had planned, reminding myself that I would be eating out this weekend, drinking extra water, taking a little walk around the office (inside; it was 109 here yesterday). None of them worked. And the desire certainly didn't stem from true hunger, as I had eaten all my planned meals and snacks for the day and spaced them appropriately and had had plenty of water.

Oddly enough, after eating this fatty, salty, carb-rich feast, the scale was down an entire pound this morning from Tuesday morning's weigh-in. Who knows why.

I am going to ameliorate last night's damage by being 100% on plan today and drinking lots and lots of water. (I drink at least 2 liters of water every day and have been trying to get to 3 liters a day since re-starting JC.) I am also going to the gym and will do cardio in addition to the weight-lifting I'd planned to burn some additional calories.

I'm not beating myself up over my slip--I'm human, and it's going to take me a year to get to a healthy weight at a reasonable rate of 1-2 lbs/week--but am perplexed about why it happened.

Success!

217.6

The above was my weight at JC this morning. Oddly enough, it was slightly less than what I weighed on my scale at home first thing in the morning: 217.8. Go figure.

This translates to 3.5 lbs lost my first week back on JC. Hooray! I was actually a little uncertain about whether I would lose weight at all because I only followed the plan religiously for five of the seven days, and I did relatively little exercise. During the entire week, I lifted weights twice, did a total of less than 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer, and went for 3-4 20-minute-or-more walks with the dogs. (Walking the dogs, while still technically "exercise," does not get my heart rate up to an aerobic level.)

I would have to get down to 199 to be at a 10% loss from my starting weight of 221.1. Even if I lose an average of 2 lbs a week, that should still take 9-10 more weeks.

Onward and upward, er, downward. At least the scale is once again moving down and not up. Baby steps.

218.8

No, I didn't really lose 2.2 lbs overnight. Today's weight just takes me back to where I was last Friday morning, the day of my official first weigh-in at JC, and reflects the end to water retention caused by poor weekend food choices.

Even though I understand this, it's stil nice to see the scale move (back) down.

My first day of JC was OK. I had only one minor deviation from my pre-planned menu, and I know it made a difference of less than 100 calories. As a side note, I had forgotten how many fruits and vegetables I'd have to eat! Wow.

The only exercise I got was a 20-minute walk with the dogs at what I would describe as a slow-to-moderate pace. Guess it's better than nothing.

Small changes

221.0 (yikes!)

I am absolutely horrified--though, sadly, not all that surprised--by the number on the scale this morning. I know I ate poorly yesterday, but wow. Just wow.

I have a few updates from my last post (of nearly two weeks ago).

• I have been actively looking for, and applying for, jobs since my last post. I have an interview at another law firm on Friday morning.
• I decided on a whim to try Jenny Craig again instead of doing the hCG diet. I just don't have $650+ to spend on weight loss at the moment, particularly with the uncertainty about my work situation, and I have had my doubts about whether I could manage to only eat 500 calories a day.
• I started Jenny Craig this morning. My official first weigh-in was Friday afternoon, and I weighed 221.1 lbs there. . . . which is very close to what I weighed in 1997 (or 1998?) when I joined JC for the first time. (My start weight then was 222.2.)
• I made it to the gym two days last week. Not great, but it's a start. I focused more on weights than on cardio to ease myself back into things. (I enjoy strength training much more than cardio.)
• After a straight week of nearly-daily headaches, including two full-fledged migraines, I have now had no headaches for almost another week. Hmm.

So that's what's going on with me. As usual, I am perversely glad to be getting my eating under control. One potential bump in the road is the trip to San Diego which MM and I have planned for a week from Friday. I hope to make healthier choices while we're there and kick a$$ before and after with my lovely pre-packaged foods. ;-)

Funk

218.2

I have once again been MIA from the blog for a while.  Decreased attention to weight loss seems to equal decreased attention to the blog lately.

I have been feeling particularly low for the last couple of days about two situations which are mostly outside my control.  One is something that I don't intend to talk about on this blog (not my marriage), and the other is work.  One of the legal nurse consultants at my firm was laid off last week due to decreased workload, and the two named partners who run the firm on a day-to-day basis told me yesterday that they are likely going to lay off one of the secretaries as well for the same reason.

Couple these layoffs with the facts that I have been experiencing a decrease in my own workload over the past few months, I know the other associate attorney at my firm is also short of work, and I am the newer of the two associates by several years, and I'm sure you can see why I am worried that I may be laid off next.

I have applied for a couple of positions by sending my resume this week, and I have plans to apply for a couple more which have longer, more complicated application processes in the next week or so.  I have put the word out among my attorney friends in my city that I am looking.  Now there is not much more I can do except wait and hope that I find something before the axe drops at my current job.

None of the positions I've seen, including the ones I am applying for, are exactly what I want to be doing for a job. . . . but we are heavily dependent on my income, and beggars can't be choosers.

I am not despairing, and I think perhaps some good may even come out of this situation in the end.  I have known for a while that my current position was not going to be my job for the rest of my career, and so this may be the spur I need to move on to something else.  However, I hate the tension at the office; I hate the stress over not being able to bill enough hours; and I am not really happy about basically being forced to look for another job, rather than choosing to do so in my own time.

My other situation, as I mentioned, is not for public consumption.  Suffice it to say, it is something that has been getting me down for a while and has gotten worse of late.  I have very little power or control over changing the situation, which just makes it more difficult for me to tolerate.  It is not a situation where I am willing to just make me peace and accept the status quo.

In an attempt to exercise some control over something I CAN control, I am going to start working on losing weight again.  I am going away Thursday night for the whole weekend, but when I return, I am going to work out for 30 minutes minimum six days a week and eat nothing but whole foods.  I'll likely be blogging more for some accountability.

I am also going to do the hCG diet when we return from San Diego in July.  (I have to wait because I have to get my PCP's approval and some labwork done, and I also needed to pick a time when I would be in town for three weeks straight.)  I posted about the diet a few weeks ago as a possibility, but now I have actually made the appointments necessary to get started.  (If you are interested in learning more about the exact hCG diet I will be following, you can read about it here.)

I have some doubts about whether I can follow a 500 calories/day diet for three weeks, and I am not entirely sure that doing so is healthy. . . . but I am desperate to do something drastic about my weight.  I know two people in real life and three online who have successfully lost 20 lbs or more doing this program, and I am going to give it a shot.

So that's where I'm at.  Hoping that some positive action will help me shake my current funk.

Hmm

219.0

I'm relieved to see a number under 220 on the scale this morning. I guess I was just retaining water the past few days?

Sad that 219 can inspire feelings of relief rather than revulsion and a desire to reduce the number. . . .

Stymied

220.6 (Oh.My.God)

The number on the scale this morning is appalling to me. I am hoping that it is primarily a result of bad food choices yesterday and water retention associated with those bad food choices (which included orange chicken, a huge burrito, and In N Out burger). I have been in the 217-218 range of late, which is bad enough, but not over 220. Alarming.

I'm frustrated because I have a medical situation going on which is preventing me from exercising as much or as vigorously as I would like. I know from experience that any positive change in my eating habits will not result in weight loss for me unless I am also working out regularly at a moderate-to-high intensity. Because I know that diet alone will not help me lose weight, the fact that I can't exercise as hard or as often as I need to in order to lose weight means I have even less motivation to change my diet than usual. Ugh.

The one positive thing I have to report is that my headaches have decreased of late. I'm not sure if this is just a coincidence--my headaches do seem to naturally ebb and flow--or a result of my following the tips in this book, which I read just before Memorial Day. I have cut a number of foods out of my diet which I used to eat regularly, based on the book's recommendations. (You can find the list of foods which the author names as potential migraine triggers here.)

I had previously eliminated alcohol, MSG, and cured meats from my diet, but I wasn't even aware that many of the foods listed in this book could trigger migraines. Raisins? Bananas? Who knew?

In addition to the migraines that I get on a fairly regular basis, I also usually have what I would describe as tension headaches nearly every day. . . . or at least 4-5 days a week. Over the past week, I have had four completely headache-free days, and I have only taken two doses of aspirin and one dose of extra-strength Tylenol in the past week plus. To people who don't suffer from chronic headaches, this may sound like no big deal, but for years I have regularly taken Advil and/or Excedrin at least 3-4 days a week, sometimes multiple doses a day, for my headaches. . . . in addition to taking Imitrex for moderate-to-severe migraines. So having used only three doses of any medication in nine days is huge for me.

Also, I quit my daily cup of coffee a little over two months ago, but I had not eliminated caffeine 100% from my diet. I still had an occasional soda or iced tea when I ate out--which I do frequently--and took Excedrin, which contains caffeine, for headaches. As of today I have been completely caffeine-free for nine days. I feel I am actually concentrating better than I did when I was drinking coffee every morning.

I am giving serious consideration to doing the hCG diet later this summer, when I am medically permitted to. (You can read about the exact diet I'm considering here.) I know a few people in real life, as well as a few online, who have lost 15-20 lbs in three weeks following this program and have kept it off after returning to regular eating. I could really use the jump-start to get back on track.

The two downsides I see are the cost ($600+) and the strictness of the eating plan. MM thinks it isn't worth the money if there is a chance I will regain the weight. . . . but isn't there always a chance of that, with any diet? I lost 35 lbs the "right" (healthful) way, using Weight Watchers in 2003, and I regained all that weight; today I weigh even more than I did when I started Weight Watchers (I was a little over 212 then).

I don't know. If I do the diet, I need to do it during three weeks when I have no travel or social obligations, so it's not even a possibility until later in the summer.

Aside from feeling stuck in regard to my weight and better in regard to my headaches, not much to report. Work is a combination of boredom and stress. I am way over-scheduled for this month but am looking forward to seeing my sister and nephew this coming weekend. With our second 110-degree day in a row, I have reached the time of year when I question my choice to live in Phoenix.

Yawn

219.2 (wow, depressing)

At this point, I figure no one is even reading this blog any more. But it's still good for me to write about my feelings and chronicle my efforts.

As evidenced not only by the number on the scale above but also by the fact that I recently became winded walking up 5 flights of steps to my car in a parking garage, I desperately need to get my weight under control. I know how to do this--exercise regularly and make healthier food choices--but as ever, there is a disconnect between what I know and what I do.

I've read from numerous sources over the years that exercising first thing in the morning is supposed to give you more energy. I've seen evidence of this firsthand in several people I know.

I bought all the food I need to (yet again) restart South Beach this week. Cutting out sugar and starches just seems to work for me. I also decided to walk 15-30 minutes each weekday morning and focus on weight training when I go to the gym in the evenings. (Not only would this help "jump start" my day, it would also help the dogs get more exercise. Hunter needs to lose weight, and Sebastian needs to stay active for his heart.)

Planning to start the week off on a good foot, I put my plan into motion this morning. I woke up an hour earlier than usual today so that I could walk the dogs and have a leisurely breakfast before leaving for work. I took the dogs on a brisk 15-minute walk around the neighborhood (starting small, baby steps), followed by 8-10 minutes of stretching. I ate a healthy breakfast: scrambled eggs, salsa, V8, and 2 glasses of water. I felt full of energy when I hopped in the shower.

I have now been at work for a little over an hour-and-a-half, and I am really, really tired. It's not lack of sleep due to getting up earlier. . . . I went to bed earlier to compensate and still got about 7.5 hours of sleep. I gave up coffee (again) in mid-April and have grown accustomed to not having it every morning, so it's not lack of caffeine.

So riddle me this: if morning exercise gives you so much energy, why am I frickin' exhausted today? *sigh*

I'm starting to think that this whole "morning exercise will give you more energy throughout the day" thing is one of those habits that doesn't pay off right away. I probably have to do it for several days before I'll see the benefit.

Healthy lifestyle changes would sure be easier if I could see some immediate results.

SNAFU

216.4

My blog is sadly neglected of late. I have nothing to write about. Life is uneventful, unless you want to read my complaints about work and billable hours, and who wants to read that? (I am looking for another job, but it's not the ideal time to be job hunting.)

I am off the wagon again with healthy eating and exercise. I walk the dogs most evenings and make it to the gym maybe once a week, and that's the extent of my physical activity. I've given up on pilates, and I don't stretch regularly, though I have pain in my right piriformis almost all the time and sometimes in my lower back, too. I try to watch my portions and make healthier choices, but I know I'm not eating enough fruits & veggies.

My house is once again in chaos. You wouldn't know if if you came to visit because the common areas look OK, but that is due more to MM's efforts than to mine. Our home office looks almost as bad as it did before my BFF and I decluttered it last fall. I never even put away the Christmas decorations, which are shoved willy-nilly into random open boxes in the room. I never organized my bathroom cabinets as I'd planned, and my closet has fallen into disarray as well.

Right now I really don't care about my obesity, my sloth or the chaos in my house. My stress over work and the impact on our finances is my primary focus. I hate money worries!

So that's me in a nutshell. Still alive but apathetic.

Upward trend

217.0

I spoke too soon yesterday about the headaches; not two hours after I wrote my post, I developed a headache which persisted through aspirin and a cup of tea and was only relieved after I broke down and took some ibu.prof.en. Thankfully not a migraine but still annoying when I've been doing so well off caffeine.

The scale is up more today. I sometimes why I bother to weigh myself (almost) daily. It certainly doesn't seem to cause much change in my behavior.

I feel really bloated actually. MM and I had dinner at the Oli.ve Ga.rden (or "The OG," as he calls it) last night. Probably not the healthiest choice. I am drinking lots of water today and have a healthy dinner thawing in the refrigerator at home. So I hope to get rid of some of this bloat.

(almost) caffeine-free

216.2

It has been 13 days today since I last had a cup of coffee. My horrible migraines of the third weekend of April convinced me that perhaps I should have another go at giving up caffeine. While I have still had tea on occasion, at this point I have eliminated my daily morning cup of coffee entirely.

I'm not gonna lie; quitting has not been easy. Last week in particular was hard. . . . I felt sleepy and sluggish a lot during the day and had some mild headaches (which, surprise surprise, responded to one Ex.cedrin tablet. . . which contains 65 mg of caffeine). I was literally sleeping nine hours a night in order to wake up feeling rested, and the feeling still wasn't lasting all day.

Now, almost two weeks in, I am back to just sleeping eight hours a night. More often than not over the past several days, I have woken up before my alarm, feeling rested. My concentration at work has been fine. Today and yesterday I have felt the most energetic I have felt in a long time.

I have not been exercising (aside from walking the dogs for 20-30 minutes most evenings) and have not been focused on eating any particular way. Aside from cutting out the coffee, the only other change I've made is that I started five days ago taking a daily supplement for migraines called Mig.reLi.ef, which is a blend of riboflavin, magnesium and feverfew.

I am happy to report that, aside from the mild headaches I've had up until several days ago from caffeine withdrawal, I have had no headaches since April 11. This past Sunday, I made the 5-hour round trip drive to Tucson and even spent the better part of an hour out in the direct sunlight and did not get a migraine. (I often come home from trips like that with a bad headache.) I hope this trend continues; we shall see.

From the weight posted above, it's probably clear that I haven't been making an effort in the weight loss department. I have not been eating horribly, and I always drink 8-10 glasses of water a day, but I haven't been eating many fruits or veggies of late (and as I said, I haven't been exercising). The scale is starting to creep up again, and I know I need to get back on track.

Not much else to report. Work has been VERY slow this month, which for me is actually more stressful than being busy, but now I finally have a few projects. I'd better get to 'em.

Memory Lane

(forgot to weigh)

I've been thinking for a while about posting an excerpt from my one of my teenage diaries, just for fun. I'd thought, in fact, about posting about my first sexu.al experience, which I wrote about in detail the day after it happened.

So last night I dug out the journal for the relevant time period, and the first entry, dated June 14, 1986, began as follows:

"Sometimes I get so sick of life. I hate being fat and unpopular. . . . It's really depressing."

Um, yeah.

Reading on, I expressed my desire to "lose 20 lbs by the time school starts, 30-35 lbs eventually." Knowing that my high school goal weight was always 125 allows me to extrapolate that I must have weighed between 155 and 160 when I wrote this entry.

Ah, what I wouldn't give to weigh 160 now! Hey, it's only 55 lbs or so less than I weighed the last time I stepped on a scale.

How sad is it that, nearly 24 years later, I am still struggling with my weight? While I would no longer say I am "sick of life" and would not describe myself today as "unpopular"--what does that even mean, at 39?--it is still depressing to be fat.

Wow, good thing I didn't know at 15 that 24 years later not only would I not be "thin," I'd be even fatter than I was then. . . . I probably would have just ended it all. LOL

I guess I can take some comfort in the fact that I am much happier in my life overall than I was at 15, even if I am still not happy with my weight. As a good friend pointed out when I shared this diary entry with her, a big part of the reason I'm happier with life now is that the majority of my life now is of my own design and choosing, whereas at 15, it was mostly either of my parents' design or other circumstances beyond my control.

It has taken me a while to get to this point, but I am now (mostly) living the life *I* want to live.

Mixed bag

216.2

This weekend was a mixture of good and bad. The good included lots of "quality time" with MM. We went to the zoo on Saturday and out to lunch after, and went to a movie (Date Night) together on Sunday afternoon. Because my mom had been in town from early March until Easter, it had actually been a while since MM and I went out and did something fun, just the two of us.

We also had lunch Sunday with an old, old band camp friend of mine whom I had not seen in nearly 26 years. (She and I found one another on Fac.ebo.ok several months ago, and she was in town for a medical conference.) That was fun! I enjoyed seeing her and meeting her husband and daughters.

The bad: I went home around 1:00 on Friday afternoon when the headache I woke up with before 6:00 a.m. took a turn for the worse and added nausea to the mix. After a dose of prescription medication, I spent a few hours in bed and felt OK by 6:00 p.m. or so. Another headache started Saturday afternoon after the zoo and developed into a full-blown, debilitating migraine in short order. So I spent most of Saturday afternoon and evening in bed in horrible pain; none of the medications I took helped. It was awful. Thank G-d, I only get a headache that severe that can't be at least decreased by medication a few times a year.

Sunday I woke up headache-free but felt groggy and hungover from the previous day's headache and medications. I ended up going to bed at 9:00 p.m. and didn't finish my laundry or go to the grocery store.

This morning I woke up just after 7 with a mild headache. I took Ex.cedr.in and slept for another hour, and now I feel OK. . . . no headache but still not feeling 100%, a little tired despite over 10 hours of sleep.

I hate periods like this when my migraines are worse and more frequent! The hardest part is that I don't usually know what triggers these more-severe migraines, making it very hard to do anything to prevent them. The only possible trigger I could identify on Saturday was sun exposure. Even though I wore a hat, I was out in the sun for the better part of two hours while at the zoo. However, I live in Arizona, so I am often in the sun, and it's not every day that it leads to a severe migraine like Saturday's.

Moving on. . . . .

I would like to get back to the gym this week, assuming my head cooperates. (Clearly I am not going to bust out a full-on aerobic workout if I have a migraine.) Currently planning to go Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday morning.

Oh, happy anniversary to my sister V and her husband. They were married in Vegas 7 years ago today!

I suck

215.8

• Into week three "off the wagon." Wow, I think that's longer than I lasted on South Beach this go 'round.
  
• Ate Mexican/Chinese fusion for dinner last night (delicious but NOT a healthy choice)
• No exercise all week (I've even skipped a few dog walks)
• Scale is, predictably, climbing
• Unmotivated to change course

I suck. Why do I hate my body so much?

#667

215.2

I have been sitting at 666 posts for a few days, and though I really don't have much to write about, I decided I need to post because it was getting a little creepy seeing that number. ;-)

Probably not a surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog for a while: I used my trip to Las Vegas and lack of fresh foods in my house upon my return as a convenient excuse for slacking on the healthy eating and exercise. Good choices have gradually become fewer and fewer, to the point where I ate two bowls of blue corn tortilla chips with guacamole after work last night and three Girl Scout cookies (Tagalongs, my fave) after a healthy dinner.

I have been walking the dogs nearly every evening, so I have not been totally inactive, but I haven't been doing anything that actually elevates my heart rate into an aerobic range since before we left on our trip. . . ten days ago. I am totally off the wagon with my Pi.lat.es; haven't done the DVD once since Mom arrived the first week of March.

Also not a surprise: my energy level and mood have been for sh1t the last few days due to crappy eating and little exercise. When will I ever learn?

I really haven't got much else to report. I did have a good, relaxing weekend. We took my CASA child M to a spring training game on Sunday, and she enjoyed it, especially getting autographs before the game and running the bases afterward. I am volunteering on the "Woof Line" (general information line) for the boys' rescue organization this week, and I have already had more calls in two days than I did during the whole week the last time it was my turn to check the Woof Line.

Besides my sloth and work, Mom is still here through the day after Easter. We have enjoyed her visit (MM often comments on how much easier a houseguest she is than my dad and stepmom) and will be both glad and sorry to see her go. Sorry because we will miss her, and glad because we will once again have the house to ourselves.

The weather here has been absolutely gorgeous of late! I love this time of year in Phoenix. A month from now, it will be getting hot. Ugh.

Choices

214.4

I think it's normal to have days that make you question your life choices, even if only for a moment. (I know I had those days often when I was a hospital nurse.) I remember my ex-fiance SL used to say that when he was walking to court each morning, pulling a roller-bag full of files, he would look at the homeless people lounging on the grassy knoll en route and wonder if perhaps they didn't have the right idea and whether *he* was the "unfortunate" one.

Today was one of those days for me. I spent over six hours today in a mostly-useless deposition, while outside it is a beautiful, clear, sunny day. (Thankfully, we have a lot of days like this in Phoenix.) We didn't break for lunch, so my lunch consisted of some Corn Nuts and a 100-calorie snack pack of grasshopper cookies. . . very healthful. Instead of sitting in a conference room, watching the witness via videoconference in San Diego and listening to him and the other defense attorney arguing back and forth, I could have been hiking, or walking my dogs, in the nice weather, communing with nature.

Now that I am finally back in the office, I have two motion responses which must be completed before tomorrow morning, so I have at least three hours of work ahead of me, possibly more. It will be hours before I get to go home and see my husband, mom, and dogs (not necessarily in that order).

Oh well. I know that things can always be--and have been!--worse.