Bleh

I feel icky today for some reason. I didn't eat breakfast before leaving for the office, so I thought that was the reason I felt faintly nauseated. . . . but now I've eaten lunch and still feel icky. Hrmph.

In addition to feeling physically sub-par, I just don't want to work today. I am slogging through some projects because I have deadlines and I have no choice. . . . but I'd like nothing better than to spend the whole day on the couch reading a good novel instead. ANYWAY. . . .

To update: my period showed up on Saturday, right on schedule, as predicted. I had a brief phone call from the RE's office yesterday afternoon to review the paperwork we had submitted and to confirm our initial consultation for October 14th. Apparently no actual testing will be done at the first visit; rather, we will meet with the doctor (who is very qualified and was voted one of the Best Doctors in Phoenix), and he will review our histories and design a "treatment plan" for us.

At this point, I am not at all planning to have any treatment, if by "treatment" they mean interventions that involve my shooting my body full of hormones. A friend of mine sought care from a RE a few years back, and she told me that her doctor didn't try to push them into doing intervention. But I've also heard the reverse from some people: that their doctors were suggesting IVF at the first appointment.

I intend to make it clear to the RE at the first appointment that there are definite limits to what MM and I will do in order to have a baby of our own and that we are primarily interested in getting tested to see if there are any problems that will prevent this from happening naturally.

I am in no way judging or criticizing those people who use advanced reproductive technology to get pregnant. I just don't think that it's something I can do. I am prone to mild depression anyway, so I certainly don't want to put drugs into my body that will alter my mood. And I have a job that requires me to be able to focus and concentrate; from what I've read, many fertility drugs have a negative impact on cognitive function.

So we shall see what happens. I have not entirely given up hope that we will get this done on our own before we even complete the diagnostic phase. I certainly hope that is the case.

Anyhoo. . . . I really need another obsession. Getting back on track with the healthier eating and exercise would be an obvious first choice, particularly since our planned wedding date is now less than two months away. . . but so far, I'm not feelin' it. (I also never feel icky like I do today when I'm eating low-carb and exercising.)

I'm going to do the fitness boot camp starting on Monday. Maybe that'll kick my a$$ into gear. . . .

Doc Holliday: December 2000 to September 2008

My sister V bought "Doc" from a pet store in March 2001. V bought Doc in the early stages of her relationship with her boyfriend (now husband) "D." The puppy was named after D's favorite Tombstone character, Doc Holliday.

When V bought Doc, he was a very cute black Lab/German Shepherd mix puppy, not more than 3 months old, who had been returned to the store by a previous owner. . . a not-so-bright fellow who thought keeping the puppy caged while he worked 15+ hours a day was a good idea. Not surprisingly, Doc had attempted to escape from the plastic kennel in which he was confined. I often ribbed V about her dog being a "return."

V's "Li'l Pup" lived with D at first because V's roommate at the time was allergic to dogs. (Ironically, the roommate later married a man who owned a dog, but that's another post.) Of course, V saw Doc regularly while he lived with D, and V moved in with D in May.

D had a dog of his own when they met (still does), and our family had dogs throughout our childhood, but Doc was the first dog who was V's own dog. Despite his separation anxiety and his typical canine bad habit of chewing up many, many things, including shoes, furniture, and window sills, V loved Doc almost as if he were her own child.

In return, Doc was very loyal to V. He followed V from room to room whenever she was at home and slept with her in the bed at night: no mean feat for a dog who was nearly 100 pounds full-grown! Doc liked few things better than being near his "mom" and getting petted.

Doc was a very energetic dog. Doc had that joie de vive that, though not universal, is unique to dogs. Every day was a pleasure and an opportunity for new adventures for him.

Doc loved life and lived it to its doggy fullest. He loved water, so he loved accompanying V and her family on trips to their Outer Banks beach house. When he visited my mom in Ohio, he fearlessly jumped off the boat dock into the lake near her home and swam until exhausted.

Doc could chase a frisbee for hours. On the day my sister graduated from law school in May 2002, he did just that, keeping every guest who was willing to throw the frisbee occupied throughout her graduation party. At one point in his life, his obsession with the frisbee grew to the point where the frisbee could not be referred to by its real name unless the person mentioning it wanted to go outside and throw it for him. You couldn't even spell out f-r-i-s-b-e-e because he knew what that meant, too!

Doc also loved his toys. Each day when his people returned home, he would greet them with a toy in his mouth. . . or a shoe, if no toy was handy. Once my nephew Rowan arrived, Doc thought that Rowan's stuffed toys were his, too, and could often be found carrying them in his mouth.

As Rowan has begun to feed himself, Doc would often station himself near his high chair so that he'd be ready to receive the tidbits of food that Rowan would either drop or throw down for him. Like all dogs, Doc liked people food. He was especially fond of Chik Fil A chicken nuggets, and V often bought them for him as a treat.

Our father says he will remember the way that Doc used to stare at you intently when he wanted your attention and the endearing way he had of getting you to let him out. He would jump around excitedly until you said the word "out" or "outside." Then he would run halfway to the door and back until he was sure that you were really going to let him out.

In 2006, Doc had to undergo surgery on both his back legs within several months due to degenerative arthritis. The surgeries, akin to total knee replacements in humans, each required 6-8 weeks of recovery during which Doc could not run or jump. In addition to the pain and temporary limitations on Doc's activity, the surgeries were expensive: each cost nearly $3000. Yet even after having gone through the first surgery, knowing the expense, V didn't hesitate to get the second surgery when Doc needed it later the same year. (After the second surgery, in an homage to the 70's TV show "The Six Million Dollar Man," V took to referring to Doc jokingly--but accurately--as "the Six Thousand Dollar Dog.")

Both Doc's surgeries were successful, and after recovering from them, he was once again able to run and jump. V has noticed over the past months, though, that activities that used to come easily to Doc have been getting more difficult for him: he has a harder time getting on and off the bed and often lets out an audible grunt on landing. Doc's vet told them a few weeks ago that the arthritis in Doc's legs continues to progress in spite of his surgeries and that they could expect him to be in an increasing amount of pain.

Like the loss of any cherished friend, Doc's passing will leave a void for V that will not easily--if ever--be filled.

Hope

Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man.
--Friedrich Nietzsche

Since I gave up hope, I feel a lot better.
--Steve Taylor

Prior to meeting MM, falling in love with MM, and beginning to believe that I would build a life with MM, I had given up hope of ever having my own child. I'd actually given up that hope twice. The first time was when I decided to change careers at age 30 while still unmarried and childless; I realized that this choice greatly decreased the likelihood that I would be in a position to focus on motherhood. I gave it up again when my relationship with SL ended; I truly believed at that time, based on my relationship history, that it would be years before I would fall in love again, and I thought that there was a strong possibility I wouldn't ever marry. Single motherhood has never much appealed to me: being a parent is one of the hardest things in the world, and I couldn't fathom choosing to do it alone!

I have always had a strong mothering instinct and knew that eventually it would have to find an outlet other than Golden Retrievers. I had a vague plan in my mind that once I had reached my early-to-mid 40s and all prospect of my own, biological child was passed, I would adopt a child from foster care. Baby or slightly older child: it didn't much matter to me. Until then, I would devote myself to developing my career, spending time with friends, and pursuing hobbies.

However. . . I fell in love with a man who wants a child of his own. And while I had put that dream out of my mind prior to meeting him, apparently I had never totally given up on the idea because it was readily revived once I knew that it was again a possibility. I was happy, eager to revive it.

Thus the hope of having a child of my own was reborn. And to tell you the truth, since that hope has returned, I've felt worse than when I had just accepted that it would likely never happen.

I have written here before about our decision to stop using birth control and our efforts to get me pregnant. My period is due tomorrow, and every sign is pointing toward it arriving right on schedule yet again. For six cycles--just over five months--MM and I have done everything "right," but I'm still not pregnant.

I know, I know: five months really isn't that long--especially at my age!--and "God will bless us when He thinks the time is right." "Some people try for years!" BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. We should "just relax"! I haven't told many people of our efforts; in spite of that fact, I've pretty much heard every imaginable platitude already in regard to our failure to conceive to date.

I'm sure that there aren't appreciably more babies or pregnant women in the world today than there were six months ago. . . but I am now acutely aware of both in a way that I wasn't before. Thank God I have not yet reached the point where I cannot be happy when a friend or family member announces her own pregnancy. . . but I fear I am moving in that direction. (I am already bitter when I hear that one of the felons MM supervises has fathered another child, primarily because these pregnancies are almost invariably unintended and unwanted.)

Technically, I am not "infertile," as infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after trying for a year. (Some doctors say six months of trying if you're over 35, as I am.) Even by the looser, six-month standard, I won't be "infertile" unless we don't conceive this coming cycle. In spite of that fact, I have already scheduled a consultation with a reproductive endocrinologist (an OB/GYN specializing in the treatment of reproductive disorders) for us; the appointment is on October 14th.

By the time the appointment arrives, we will be just days shy of six months of "trying." While I fear that something is wrong with either MM or I that is preventing us from making a baby, I fear almost equally that nothing is wrong, except that I am old to be trying for a first pregnancy. If we find out that something is wrong that cannot be fixed, what then? If we find out that NOTHING is wrong, I guess we just keep "trying"?

I regularly visit a website on which I chart my cycles, and that website has message boards. From visiting these message boards, I am well aware that many women have had (and are having) a more difficult journey to parenthood than I have had thus far. My own sister "tried" for over two years before conceiving her son, and I know more than one person who has had to have IVF in order to become a mom.

BUT. . . knowing that other people have it worse than I do has never been a solace to me in any other area of my life, and it's not a solace to me here. I'm only five months in, and I'm already thoroughly sick of this.

Sometimes I wish I had never revived my hope for a child. I was much more contented when I had set it aside.

Another stolen meme

My favorite age: hmmm. I'll say "in my 30s," because it's been my best decade yet and I can't pick just one year in there!
My best friend: MM would want me to say him, but I'd say KC. . . unless canines qualify, and then it'd be Sebastian.
My celebrity crush: Conor Jackson of the Arizona Diamondbacks
My defining characteristic: Intelligence
My most evil moment: Hmmm. I honestly can't think of anything I've done that I'd classify as "evil."
My favorite food: green chile chicken enchiladas (with hot genuine Hatch green chiles)
My grossest injury: I sliced into my left index finger a little over a year ago while cutting an avocado.
My biggest hatred: stupid people.
My most illegal activity: letting my dog run in the park unleashed (yeah, I'm a rebel).
My need for justice: I am outraged by anyone who harms a child!
My most knowledgeable field: oddly enough, I'd say relationships.
My life’s goal: to make a difference.
My mother’s influence: she taught me to make lists and to never forget to commemorate loved ones' birthdays and special occasions with a card.
My nerdiest point: Uh. . . my whole life I've been nerdy! I guess I'll say high school.
My oldest memory: at age 2, sitting on the back stoop of the house I lived in from age 2 to age 5 after being punished for having a potty-training "accident."
My perfect date: Being with someone who makes me laugh and talking into the wee hours. . . the setting wouldn't matter much.
My unanswered question: Why are we here?
My random fact: I like raisins, but hate raisin bread.
My stupidest decision: not breaking up with SL when I first knew he had a drinking problem.
My favorite television show: Friends
My style of underwear: Hip huggers
My favorite vegetable: Zucchini
My weakest trait: I am overly critical and have unrealistically high expectations of people and situations.
My X-men power: time travel
My strongest yearning: in general, to live a life of purpose. I also yearn to be a mother.
My moment of Zen: petting Sebastian in the evenings.

Wake me up when September ends

207.6 (ugh)

I haven't written an entry for a while. . . primarily because I don't really have much about which to write. Life is clipping along pretty much as normal.

My eating has been so-so. I am complying with the Core plan about half the time. Unfortunately, I am probably consuming in excess of the 35 points allowed for the week of non-Core foods, and I know I'm not eating enough fruits & veggies (though I'm making an effort). I went to the grocery store on Monday night and bought healthful provisions. . . but I've still not been 100% Core-compliant.

I had three consecutive weeks when I couldn't make it to my usual Weight Watchers meeting due to the move, depositions, etc. So now I haven't gone to a meeting in four weeks. But my work friend (who goes with me) and I plan to go back next Tuesday.

MM and I are doing our usual 3-times-a-week workouts. Each session I do 25-30 minutes on either the elliptical trainer or the treadmill and some upper body work: either assisted pull-ups and triceps dips or free weights. Nothing new or exciting.

I am at the point in my cycle where I should know within the next few days whether I am pregnant or not. I am guessing that I'm not--no pessimism, just realistic knowledge of the odds per cycle--and if that is the case, I've decided that I am going to do that fitness boot camp this next month. (It'd probably be safe to do even if I were pregnant, but I wouldn't want to take any chances.)

The fitness boot camp starts on Monday October 6. I will do it three days a week at 5:30 a.m. (ugh!), and continue my three days a week of gym workouts with MM. Surely six days a week of exercise should make me lose some weight!! I know there is no way I'd get up that early on my own to exercise. . . but somehow I think that if I spend my hard-earned money on it, I will do it.

Our spa is nearing completion! The company called MM today to tell him that there is only one more step in the construction process. They expect it to be finished by the end of the week.

I'll be really glad when the spa is done. . . not only because I want to see how it turns out--and use it, of course--but because then the landscapers can get started. Once the landscaping is done and our ceiling fans are installed (Friday morning), the house will be "finished" except for buying a few more decorative items for the great room. (We did already order some art for one of the walls.)

What else to share? I spent all day last Saturday in Tucson. I drove up to visit M, the little girl with whom I volunteer. She is going through yet another difficult transition in her young life, so I will be seeing her more often for a while. I got to briefly see a couple of friends, too, while I was in town.

Today I am getting an hour-long massage after work. I need it! I am also meeting my friend C for dinner. It'll be good to see her: she is pregnant and gets bigger each time we get together. ;-)

This weekend will be spent de-cluttering/cleaning at my old apartment; working (I'm hella behind); and having a night out with some friends of MM's. Probably slightly more drudgery than fun, but some weekends are like that.

Hard to believe it's almost October. . . .

Boot camp?

207.2 (better)

Not much to report. A big case that I've been involved in settled yesterday. It was a very good outcome for our client. That case was responsible for a lot of my billing in May and June especially and would've resulted in lots more billables in a few months if we'd gone to trial. But it was a case that needed to be settled: a verdict at trial could've been in the tens of millions of dollar.

Construction on our spa started yesterday, a day ahead of schedule. I'll be excited when it's complete and the landscaping can be done. The yards look pretty crappy at the moment: they are both just plain reddish-brown dirt.

I hit the gym with MM last night as planned. I am considering signing up for a 4-week boot camp. There is one starting on October 6. If I go three days a week (MWF), it will cost just over $200. I think that might be just what I need to kick my a$$ into gear. And I could still work out with MM on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday or Sunday.

The main downside to the boot camp? It starts at 5:30 a.m. Ugh. On the other hand, though, it would give me plenty of time to get done, get home, and get to work, even on days when I have an early meeting or hearing.

That's about the news here. Nothing really exciting going on! No news is good news, I guess. ;-)

One week

209.2 [sigh]

It's depressing how just one week of poor food choices and less exercise than usual can lead to a significant gain. . . . while one week of "good" behavior rarely goes far.

It's been 6 days since we moved in to our house. In those 6 days, I've eaten out much more than usual and not made all healthy choices. I've only made it to the gym once. On some days, I haven't even had enough water. . . which is a healthy habit I usually maintain even when I'm not trying to lose weight.

I am slowly getting back on track, but I do mean slowly. I skipped breakfast this morning because I needed to come to work earlier than usual. Now it's 9:15, I'm starving, and the office is serving breakfast pastries in honor of those with September birthdays at 10:00. Yeah, I could say that I'm going to pass on the pastries and eat some of the instant oatmeal I have in my drawer. . . but I'd be kidding myself. I'm gonna have pastries.

Well, I did bring a healthy lunch, and MM and I will be going to the gym this evening. (We've had to switch to a different gym location, though, and I'm not sure yet how busy it is at 7:00 pm.) Dinner will likely be a healthier option, too. So as I say, slowly getting back on track.

I've felt much more sluggish and unfocused since allowing lots of carbs to creep back into my diet, too. You would think that this would spur me to go back to eating Core/SB style. . . but I just haven't put in the planning that's required.

Other than eating/exercise, life is fine. We are pretty much settled into our new house. The only "must buy" items left are art for the living room and master bedroom. (I already own lots of things that I like, but MM wants us to choose things together that we will both like.) Ground-breaking on our spa should start this week. Work is busy, but not crazy.

This coming weekend I will likely be going to Tucson to visit my CASA child. There has been some drama there, but nothing I can write about on my blog. Suffice it to say that this poor 8-year-old girl is going through yet another difficult transition in her young life. Sunday MM and I may go to his parents' house for dinner. No other plans made, and I doubt I'll have time for much else.

Oh, I did want to mention one thing: I found sparkly flip-flops to match the dress I bought for the wedding! I actually bought 2 pairs because I couldn't decide between two styles. Together the 2 pairs of flip-flops cost just over $5. My entire wedding outfit is going to be less than $40! LOL

I am blessed

I will admit that I was in a bit of a mood earlier today for absolutely no good reason. My mood turned out to be nothing that a day of no work, having Indian food for lunch, and a pedicure couldn't cure.

As I am sitting around our new house waiting on MM to get home, I started thinking how very blessed I am. I spend a lot of time thinking/kvetching about things I don't have or that haven't gone my way, but spend very little time thinking about the ways in which I am extremely fortunate. Many of the good things in my life have come to me at least in part through my own efforts: my job, our new house and furniture, Sebastian, even--to some degree--my friends. But some of the good things I have in my life can only be described as gifts; they came to me through no effort on my part.

A few examples:

**I have always had the base of a happy childhood because I grew up in a home with parents who loved and cared for me and didn't abuse or neglect me. Not once in my childhood did I ever go to sleep cold, hungry, or afraid. I always had a comfortable and safe house in which to live, clothes to wear, food to eat, and the knowledge that I was loved. That fact alone sets me apart from many people I know.

**My father's mother lived with us from the time I was 1 until I was 17. In addition to being a loving and positive force in my life, she was a woman of deep faith who had lived most of her life during a very different time. . . almost in a different world. I can't even begin to explain the ways in which she shaped my growth; I still think of her almost every day, and she's been gone for nearly 20 years.

**I have a sister who is now one of my closest friends. I didn't always value her presence in my life when we were children, and like many children, wished at times that I could have been the only one. I certainly have appreciated my sister since we have been grown. (I hope I've shown her this enough!)

**Learning always came easily to me; as a result, school was always more of a joy than a chore. My love of school is what allowed me to go back and pursue my second career at age 30. . . a career that has brought me much more intellectual fulfillment and greater earnings.

**I was born in the United States. When I stop and think about the rights and privileges that are mine solely as a result of this happy accident, I am humbled. As much as I (& many of my friends) complain about what is wrong with this country, I can think of only a handful of others in which I would be willing to live my life.

**I am healthy. Yes, I now have high cholesterol and have always struggled with my weight. I will probably continue to struggle with both for the rest of my life. But I wake up nearly every morning feeling good, with no pain, and my body has been able to do just about everything I've demanded of it so far.

Yes, I have done what I can to make "the right choices" in my life. . . but many of the things that are probably most responsible for my happiness are things that I didn't--couldn't--choose at all.

Bullet Point Friday

206.8 (sigh)

I am feeling wholly unmotivated to work today. I brought about 8-10 hours' worth of stuff home with me yesterday so that I could "work from home" today; so far, aside from responding to emails I've done zero. It's not the end of the world, but it *does* mean I will have to catch up on this crap over the weekend. NOT good!

We are basically moved into our house. Furniture and appliances were delivered yesterday, so now it feels like we actually live here.

Projects still to be completed: ceiling fans (to be installed next week); garage door opener (to be installed Monday); partially in-ground spa (breaking ground early next week and will take 2-3 weeks to complete); and landscaping (cannot be started until spa is complete). I have a few little items to buy for the house, but nothing major.

Because of lack of time (& my stress level), I left quite a bit of stuff behind at my old apartment to sort through "later." The pain in the ass thing about that is that I am now going to have to set aside a half day on 3-4 weekends to go and deal with all that crap. I guess at the time I figured it would be better to spread out the suffering and not deal with it all at once as we were scrambling to get ready for our move. But now that we are in the new house, I'm over it and don't want to deal with it! Oh well. No one else is going to take care of this for me, so I've just got to suck it up and do it.

I've got to get back on track with the Core plan. I've skipped Weight Watchers the past two weeks, and I've been eating out a lot the past few days, mainly because we didn't have a refrigerator until yesterday afternoon. Must stop the regain that is happening before it gets out of control. . .

Yesterday I felt strangely tense and disconnected all day. I am chalking it up to the move and all the stress related to that. I'm sure it's not relationship related because spending the evening with MM actually made me feel less tense and disconnected.

A completely random aside: I ordered the Furminator from drugstore.com just before the move and used it on Sebastian just before he went to stay with my future in-laws. It's appropos of nothing, but I couldn't resist including a photo of all the hair I got off!

About the house photos: our carpet color looks off in the photo of the great room where Sebastian is seen on the left side. . . but I included it anyway because he's in it. The colors in the other photos are much more true-to-life.

Movin' on up

(forgot to weigh--oops!)

Lots going on today! MM and I had our walk-through at the new house this morning, and it went well. There are a few minor things--mostly cosmetic--that need to be repaired, but not much. Our home inspector only found a handful of things, too, so it shouldn't take long for the builder to fix them.

I am super excited about moving in! NOT super excited about the process--because everyone knows how much moving sucks A$$--but thrilled to be living in our new home. It's even nicer for me because I've never owned my own home before, I've never lived in a brand-new house, and I've never moved into any home knowing that I could stay as long as I wanted (and would likely stay at least 5-6 years). Woohoo!

The movers will be at my apartment between 7:30 and 8:00 tomorrow morning, and there are several things that need to happen before then. I have a few things left to pack, and we are taking Sebastian to stay with MM's parents this evening so that he'll be out of the way during the move and all the deliveries and installations over the next two days. (I'm going to miss my boy!) Plus MM and I need to get organized because quite a few things in my apartment are not going to the new house. . . or at least aren't going tomorrow with the movers. (One way of slightly reducing my workload and stress level related to the move has been that we have decided to pay out my lease--which ends in November--instead of breaking it. The cost to us is the same, and this will allow me to deal with odds and ends and everything that I'm giving away in the next 8-9 weeks.)

After supervising the loading of my belongings tomorrow morning, I will drive up to our new community and pick up our keys while MM accompanies the movers to his storage room to get his stuff. I plan to take a few of my more valuable or fragile items with me in my car and will move them in while I wait for MM and the movers to arrive. Specifically, I really need to make sure that my computer and modem are there and turned on in the appropriate room before the cable guy arrives; I can't go too long without my internet connection, especially if I need to work from home.

I will likely end up spending the entire day at the house and not going to work at all. It'll likely be close to noon by the time the movers are done. We're expecting the cable guy and someone from the gas company in the afternoon, and I want to get as much unpacking done as possible. (In typical fashion, MM thinks we should get all the unpacking done on Wednesday.)

MM will be taking Thursday off as well because there are more deliveries scheduled: refrigerator, washer/dryer, new sectional for great room, ceiling fans, and a few other things I can't remember at the moment. He's so good to take care of all this for us!

Will update again soon. . .

Bling bling

Big day

207.2 (grumble, grumble)

To first address my weight above: I went more than a little overboard with some whole wheat pasta last night. . . I meant to eat two servings (bad enough) and ate about 3 1/2 servings instead. I felt uncomfortably full afterwards and wondered (for about the gazillionth time) why I had done it.

Anyway. . . the scale is usually up the morning after I overeat, so I'm not too stressed out about. I have made healthy choices so far today, and not coincidentally, have not felt overstuffed and icky.

MM is coming to my office to meet me in less than an hour. We will be going to pick up our rings, then going to the title company to pre-sign all the documents for our house closing! Our house is supposed to be completed today. Our walk-through is on Tuesday morning, and we will be able to pick up our keys first thing Wednesday morning. Exciting!!

I will take a photo or two of my engagement ring this evening and post them on the blog for my readers' enjoyment. ;-) I love my ring, but it is really basic and not very difficult to envision: it's a simple, white gold, 6-prong setting with a 1-carat round solitaire diamond. No sidestones, no baguettes, nothing fancy. It suits me perfectly. (Although I would've loved to get another sapphire ring instead, MM wouldn't hear of it. . . and I guess that would've been poor form, given the fact that the engagement ring SL gave me was a sapphire.)

I am not a fancy girl: I rarely wear makeup, don't dress up much, and don't wear a lot of jewelry. I'm not sure if this is because of my personality (logical and practical), the fact that I was raised by my dad after age 9, or because of all my years as a nurse when those behaviors were not particularly desirable (my BFF is a hospital nurse and wears makeup daily and loves to dress up and accessorize with jewelry).

For these reasons--and because the style I chose is classic and will never look dated--I wanted a relatively plain and unadorned style for my engagement ring. I just think it fits me better.

After getting the rings and signing our papers, MM and I hope to go up and look at the house one more time informally before next week's walk-through.

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relaxed

206.8

So obviously things are sh1tty on the weight loss front, and I started my period today. . . . but otherwise life is actually pretty good!

I had a bit of a rough weekend eating-wise. Even so, I was proud of myself simply because it could've been so much worse. I have made some progress in improving my eating habits, and even if they're slow, baby steps, I'll take it.

I had my first relaxing weekend in a long time. I was determined not to keep myself on a tight timeframe for anything, not to go to work or think/stress about work, and not to force myself to do any household chores. . . . simply because it'd been way too long since I just relaxed and because I know it'll be a while before I get to do so again.

Mission accomplished! MM met friends C and her husband C for the Diamondbacks game on Friday night, and the team actually won handily (9-3?). I had chicken nachos, which sounds bad. . . but actually, I usually have a hot dog AND nachos AND ice cream later, so that was actually a "healthy" choice, relative to my usual choices.

Pre-game, MM officially proposed to me. We have known for a while that we are going to get married--and have even booked a little wedding package in Maui for the day after Thanksgiving--but he wanted to actually ASK me before he bought me an engagement ring. Very sweet.

Saturday MM and I went to the gym; visited my friend KH's new baby; and went engagement ring shopping. MM bought me a lovely diamond solitaire. The diamond is being mounted and the ring sized this week; we will pick it up on Friday afternoon. We also bought our wedding bands, so that was all pretty exciting.

We also visited our house on Saturday, and I took several pictures. It is still a bit of a work-in-progress, but it's getting there! Just a couple of photos for now:


Aside from a few little details, the main things still needed appear to be the paint and the carpeting. I'm excited to see the finished product! ;-)

Sunday MM and I saw The House Bunny (save your $$; a rental at best) and had dinner with his parents at a local pizzeria.

Monday I had a massage in the morning. Then KC and I had lunch and went shopping. I resisted the urge to buy about 5 shirts I loved at Macy's--I reminded myself that I'd just spent nearly $800 on MM's wedding band on Saturday--although I did buy one that was on sale for less than $20. Best of all, I bought a very cute dress to wear for our li'l beach wedding. Finding a dress that was right for the occasion has been difficult: I don't want to wear a wedding dress, and I don't want anything too dressy. I had certain colors in mind, too. Add to all that the fact that I'm currently wearing a size 16--which makes shopping for anything more difficult because many designers only go to size 14 and even the "big girls" stores are often sold out of 16--and I am totally psyched to have found a dress.

And even better: it was on major reduction! The sale price was about 80% off the original price. Yes!

Ironic to think that I paid nearly $600 (if you include alterations) for a dress for my wedding to SL that I never wore and ended up donating to charity. . . . and I paid $29.99+tax for this dress that doesn't even need alterations! Hell, I paid more for some items in my current summer wardrobe than I did for this dress.

Anyhoo. . . . I love it when a plan comes together. Now all I have to do is buy some sequined flip-flops, and I'm all set for my beach wedding.

Work is still hella busy and will be for the foreseeable future. Oh well: job security. I'm just taking one day at a time with it because mentally I can't handle thinking too far ahead! ;-) And that's all I have to do say about that. . .

Life is good. Truly. And the fact that I can say that even though my period is here and the scale is up highlights how true it is.