Coupleness

214.2 (ugh)

I was having a debate the other day with a couple of different friends--one happily married, one single at 43--about the benefits of marriage. In other words: what does being legally married actually add to your relationship? (Feel free to weigh in with any and all comments.) Thus far, no one has given me a reason that I find compelling.

Having said that. . . . one friend asked "If MM asked you in a year to marry him, what would you say?" And I had to admit that, despite the fact that I kinda don't see the benefit of marriage, I'd probably say yes. LOL My reason would be that if someone I loved and planned to be with anyway believed that getting married would add something to our relationship, I'd be willing to do it. . . . even if I didn't necessarily agree.

Hmmm. ANYWAY. . . . I am certainly not contemplating marriage with MM at this point! The friend who posed that hypothetical merely used MM to illustrate his point because he is the man I am currently dating.

OK, let's put it straight: MM isn't just "the man I'm currently dating;" he's my boyfriend. Yes, I actually wrote that word. He calls me his girlfriend and introduces me to others as his girlfriend, and I definitely consider him my boyfriend (for lack of a better word to describe the 34-year-old man I love and date). So he's my boyfriend.

Things between MM and me have been going very well of late. We went to Zoo Lights last night, which was quite fun. Made us want to go back to visit the zoo some time during the day so we could actually see the animals, though. And because I was downtown for a deposition today that finished just before noon, we were able to have lunch together. Awww. First time we'd done that.

We have been talking more regularly on the phone and for longer periods of time. We continue to enjoy each other's company, and we have already made plans to spend New Year's Eve together. In fact, we are both feeling easier about discussing things we may do together in the future (say, 2-3 months from now) without having to give a disclaimer like "if we're still together then." Today's lunch aside, we really aren't seeing each other much more often than we had been. . . . but it's a bit difficult between our respective work schedules and the distance between our homes: we live almost 30 miles apart. (I live closer to his work than he does, but his allergy to Sebastian makes it impossible for him to spend the night at my place without feeling miserable.)

I have noticed a subtle change in the dynamic of our relationship since our pre-Thanksgiving talk. (You know, the one where he told me he might not be able to continue seeing me: http://lovesseabass.blogspot.com/2007/11/just-when-i-think-things-are-going-well.html) We are both feeling our way into being more committed to one another. Despite our original intention to keep things casual, we had both developed some pretty strong feelings for each other; putting them into words during that discussion just made what was already under the surface explicit.

I notice small differences in our interactions. For my part, I no longer stop before calling or texting him to think "Will this be too much? Will he think I'm not giving him his space?" Now, if I feel the urge to talk to him, I don't hesitate--I call. I have grown to rely on him a little more, as someone I can talk with if I have a problem, for instance. He is, in some ways, more careful around me. . . . quicker to sense (& comment on) my mood, more likely to apologize if (in his typical blunt fashion) he says something without thinking that he fears may hurt my feelings. On the other hand, at times he seems more comfortable around me; it varies.

I don't feel at all that it is too soon for us to be getting involved like this. It feels right. We continue to take things slowly. I am still enjoying the relationship as much as ever. And now I don't have to call him "this guy I'm dating." LOL

P.S. On a less happy note. . . . am I a fat tub of lard or what?! I need to get back on the healthier eating/exercise track. I did take Sebastian for a 30-minute walk tonight. . . . . but I will admit that my primary motivation was the fact that *he* needed the exercise. (He's chewed something up every day this week and last night while I was sleeping.) Aye, aye, aye.