Putting thoughts into action. . . .

214.8 (ugh)

C and I had dinner last night, and I found out that she eloped last Monday! I knew that this was coming some time soon--she has been living with the same man for some time and had mentioned that they would be eloping when they decided the time was right to marry--but of course it was a surprise to me. As this is the most optimistic act performed by one of my friends in recent memory, I was excited. ;-) And I do genuinely like her husband: he's a very nice guy.

Isn't it funny how we often put off an onerous task, only to find that when we actually "just do it" it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be? At least, I find that this happens to me all the time. This morning, I decided to bite the bullet and clear off my desk. I hate to do it, because it's a pain in the ass and because it's not "billable" time. Once I actually got down to it, it took less than half an hour. Now things are neatly filed, except for my "action" piles, and my inbox is actually empty for the first time in weeks. What a good feeling!

Tonight I am meeting my friend V for a late dinner. I haven't seen her in well over a month--I can't remember the last time we got together, actually--so it'll be good to catch up. She says she has fallen in love with someone she met on match.com, and I have not heard much about him yet except a few short emails. (Caveat: I will say that V falls in love much more quickly than your average woman--she makes me look cautious. LOL)

It's funny: I have as many evening obligations this week as I had last week, but for some reason, I don't feel as stressed out. Maybe it's because I have been a little less busy during the workdays, and also because my commitments for this week are just that: MY commitments. I mean, they are outings with friends that I have scheduled, rather than parties I am obligated to attend because of work. Choice is an important factor in how stressed I feel, I think.

Tomorrow night I have nothing planned, so I will likely use that time to do my laundry, clean up, take the dog for a long walk, and generally relax. I have started reading Love in the Time of Cholera (I've wanted to read it since seeing the movie Serendipity, but seeing it on Oprah's list jogged my memory), and I'd like to get more into it if I can before I go on my trip. I do have a few more gift cards to buy, but I am trying to do all my errands on my lunch hours this week so that I don't have to do them in the evenings.

Oh, I just have to write about a discussion MM and I had on Saturday about my weight. While we were at Bellagio, I took a picture of us in front of one of the Christmas trees (two posts ago). A random stranger saw me take the picture and offered to take a picture of us together. When I was looking at the picture she took afterwards, I commented that I'd have to be doing some cropping because she'd taken a full body shot. MM said "what's wrong with that?" (Spoken like someone who has always been thin.)

So I had to explain to him that I don't allow anyone to photograph me below the waist because I'm fat. After a few minutes, he asked me why, if my weight bothers me, I don't do something about it. (Of course, he prefaced this by saying he doesn't think I'm fat and thinks I look fine.) At the time, I kind of laughed it off, told him it's something I've always struggled with and probably always will, and that he really can't understand because he's naturally thin.

Later, when I was reflecting on our exchange, I started thinking: you know, he's right. If it bothers me that I'm at my current weight, why don't I do something about it? It's not as thought I could ever "fix" my obesity, and I truly do believe that I will likely always struggle with my weight. And I accepted long ago that a big factor in my being fat is unlucky genetics.

But, at the same time, I know from prior experience that I can affect SOME change in this area if I put forth the effort. I can see why he made the remark: it is not in character for me to have an aspect of my life with which I am dissatisfied, yet do nothing about it.

It's all well and good for me to say this has been a lifelong problem (true) and that it's difficult/impossible to "fix" (also true). But if I am unhappy enough about it to comment on it, I should make an effort to change it.

Having said all that, however, I have slept in the past two mornings instead of hitting the treadmill and still got my caffe mocha & bacon & egg breakfast sandwich at Starbuck's this morning. I sure wish I could make the connection between my thoughts about my weight and my actions.