I'm back

214.6

I am back at work this morning following our extended-weekend trip to Las Vegas. The trip was good. The weather was nice, and we spent some time relaxing at the Mandalay Bay Beach. Our suite was awesome! My birthday itself was good: we spent most of the day at the Beach, and then went out for a delicious dinner at Nove' at The Palms, followed by O at Bellagio. Our seats at O ended up being in the very front row, and MM was pulled up on stage to dance with one of the clowns during one of their segments. (Too bad no photography is allowed; I would have loved to get a picture of that!) The whole show was great! I love Cirque du Soleil.

Monday we rode the roller coaster at New York/New York and took an outdoor gondola ride at The Venetian. Both activities I'd done before but really enjoy.

I lost a little money gambling, but no more than I'd budgeted to lose, and overall, the trip went just as we had planned.

While we were gone, I didn't work out at all, though I did get in a lot of walking (somewhat inevitable in Vegas). I did not stay 100% on plan with South Beach, but I did minimize my intake of less-healthy carbs, ate more lean protein than I might otherwise have done, and watched my portion sizes. I made it my goal not to ever leave the table uncomfortably stuffed, and I achieved that goal even at the buffet. It felt good not to waste vacation time in a "food coma."

I know I am a little dehydrated today, between flying and not drinking as much water as usual while I was out of my usual routine, so I am rehydrating. I have already downed my first liter of water this morning and am starting on my second. I have a healthy plan in place for lunch and dinner and will walk the dogs tonight after work. (I'll hold off on returning to the gym until tomorrow evening.)

The one tiny dark cloud over my weekend was that MM did a couple of things that really annoyed me. In fact, one of the things he did really pi$$ed me off, to the point where I really lost my temper. The thought crossed my mind after that incident that perhaps I am not tolerant enough to be married. (Yes, I have had this thought before, in prior relationships.)

It is a bit distressing that, after only 16 months of marriage and about 2 1/2 years together, my husband is already getting on my nerves. . . . to the point where I am giving serious consideration to just vacationing separately in future. Prior to this trip, I have enjoyed traveling with MM, so I'm not sure if his behavior has gotten worse, or if I becoming less tolerant, or both.

Oh well. Nothing MM did is a "divorceable offense," and he is unlikely to change (though he always claims he will), so I suppose I am just going to have to learn to be more tolerant.

Back to work! I must admit, I was kinda glad to have to come back to the office today in some ways. . . . .

Random Tuesday

215.2

I started adding "good" carbs back into my diet on Saturday. Since then, I've eaten fruit, whole grain bread, and brown rice. I also had a piece of cheesecake at my in-laws' on Sunday evening. Between these two factors, the scale jumped back up to 215.something yesterday and has stayed there.

I am not overly discouraged because I am still consistently down from the 220 I was when I started South Beach a couple of weeks ago. Plus, past experience tells me that I almost always have a small rebound gain when I start eating carbs again.

I need to ramp up my exercise again. I've been walking the dogs nearly every evening, but with my mom here, I have usually been taking her along. Which is great because she needs the exercise, but it also means that I am walking at a significantly slower pace. . . . a pace that doesn't even come close to elevating my heart rate into an aerobic workout zone. (I've stopped even wearing my heart monitor because my heart rate stays too slow even for a "light" workout when I'm walking with Mom.)

I did go to the gym on Saturday and had a good 30-minute workout on the elliptical trainer. If I want to keep losing weight, I know I need to be more diligent about making these workouts happen more than once a week.

MM and I leave on Saturday morning for a 4-day trip to Vegas. While we are there, I am going to focus on better choices and portion control. I know I am going to eat pasta, and possibly cake, on Sunday, which is my birthday. I should have ample opportunity to exercise while I'm there.

Not much else to report. Ho hum, ho hum.

Downward trend

213.8

I was quite surprised to see this morning's number on the scale. We had dinner at Red Lob.ster last night, and while I avoided carbs (except for one small bite of a biscuit), my dinner was certainly higher in fat and in sodium than what I would normally eat if I had dinner at home. Truth be told, I was expecting to see the number on the scale go up this morning. Maybe this South Beach diet really works. . . .

I do perceive a little bit of weight loss in my midsection, believe it or not. I can tell a slight difference in the way the waistlines of my pants fit, too. I'm not sure I will be truly convinced that this is "real" weight loss until I get down at least 10 lbs from where I started, though. As of today, I am down 6.2 lbs from my start weight of 220, so perhaps in the next few weeks, I will see 210!

I am still slacking on the exercise front. This morning I woke up with a headache for the second day in a row (yesterday's was at 3:15 a.m.), and though it has subsided to a dull ache at this point, thanks to medication, I'm not feeling a trip to the gym this evening. I will walk the dogs for sure sometime after work, because they didn't get to go for a walk last night, but that will probably be it for exercise for me today.

My food plan for today is simple. I am meeting my mom at a nearby Mexican restaurant for lunch, so my goal is to avoid the chips and tortillas and get something with some good protein. I am going to allow myself to have pinto beans, though technically I shouldn't be having them while I am still on Phase One of SB. For dinner, I am going to bake salmon fillets and steam some mixed vegetables. I'll have some lowfat string cheese for a snack if needed. I'm also drinking lots of water in hopes that it'll ease my headache; I doubt it's related to dehydration, but it can't hurt.

It seems that all I've written about lately are my efforts on the diet and exercise front, but I am hoping that the accountability will help me stay on track. I find that I can usually stick with any diet/exercise plan for a few weeks; it's the longer-term commitment that often evades me.

P.S. I added a weight loss ticker today. At first, I put my usual turtle (or snail) on the ticker, but I changed it to a star in hopes of projecting a more positive attitude about my eventual success. ;-)

My husband says I'm cruel

214.6

I'm still rockin' the South Beach. It's gotten easier, truth be told. The exercise still hasn't picked up, but I am walking the dogs for 20 minutes each night, so that's something.

I woke this morning to headlines about the death-by-overdose of 80s star Cor.ey Ha.im. I must confess, he is little more than a familiar name to me. While I have no doubt seen a couple of his movies when they came out over 20 years ago, they were not among my favorites, and I don't watch reality television,

Even MM mentioned this to me as soon as he was up. (The first thing MM does every morning is check CNN on his BlackBerry, before he is even out of bed.) When I told him that I don't see why the death of a washed-up child actor who was a known drug addict rates as front page news, he told me that I'm cruel.

Don't get me wrong. I think that the untimely death of anyone at age 38 is sad. I just don't see why it's all that newsworthy.

Maybe I am cruel. I still don't really get it. With all that is going on in the world, Co.rey Ha.im's overdose is the most important thing that has happened thus far today?

Weekend re-cap

216.0 (too bad; yesterday's was 215.4)

I enjoyed my weekend, and my eating was pretty good. I ate a big and late-ish dinner last night, which I believe is the reason the scale is up slightly this morning from the day before. Nevertheless, I am down 4 lbs today from where I was a week ago, so I'll take it!

The weekend weather put a damper on my exercise plans. I did take the dogs for their walk Friday evening, as planned, but I opted to skip the gym on Saturday morning because I had planned a 3-hour hike for Sunday. That turned out to be a bad decision. Unfortunately, the weather turned rainy earlier than expected on Sunday, and my hiking plans had to be scrapped. I ended up getting no exercise on Saturday or Sunday. Bummer.

All in all, last week was a decent one for my exercise-wise. I fell short of my goal of 2 miles of walking, 6 days a week, but I did get in four 30-minute (or longer) workouts. Not bad.

It is still overcast and intermittently sprinkling here today. I didn't do a good job of planning ahead today and did not bring my gym bag to work; in fact, I haven't even emptied it since last week's single trip to the gym on Wednesday evening. So no trip to the gym today. Even if the weather clears up a little later, I'd say outdoor exercise is probably out. The ground is soaked and muddy throughout our development at the moment, so unless I stuck solely to streets and sidewalks (which I usually don't do), it would be a messy walk, especially with the dogs. Maybe I will brave it anyway; we'll see.

I also did not come prepared with meals and snacks today. I had a good breakfast: a mini-omelet with two eggs and salsa. Lunch is easy: I'll just get a grilled chicken salad from one of the several restaurants near my office that make good ones. I have a healthful dinner planned which will take me only a few minutes to whip up once I'm home: leftover salmon from the weekend and frozen veggies. Snacks will be more difficult, and I usually eat two, one between breakfast and lunch and one a few hours after lunch. At the moment, I am not at all hungry, but we'll see how the day goes. There is a Fresh & Easy a few minutes from my office, and I can go there for some lowfat cottage cheese or something if necessary.

I had a productive day yesterday. My mom came to my office and helped me clean up my filing, desk and credenza, so the office looks far neater and more organized than usual. I'm hoping that it will inspire me to be more productive this week! I also did three loads of laundry and put them away, in addition to a bunch of clothes that have been hanging around the bedroom for a while. For some reason, having my mom around inspires me to be more organized. . . . which is very ironic, considering that my mom is quite DISorganized herself. (My sister and I used to rib her that we were going to nominate her for an episode of "Hoarders." She's actually not quite that bad, but she is a clutterbug.) Maybe she reminds me of what I don't want to be like. . . . a cautionary tale, rather than a good example to follow. Who knows.

Duty calls, so I have to get back to work.

Quickie

215.8 or 216.8 (depending on which step on the scale is to be believed)

All in all, I think I did pretty well yesterday. As I'd anticipated, I got in no exercise, but I did say no to the delicious boxtys and Irish soda bread being served at the Irish pub where we had dinner. . . both of which were very tempting. I had a huge salad with grilled chicken breast for lunch, broccoli and cauliflower with hummus for an afternoon snack, and for dinner, some seared Ahi tuna skewers and the innards of a Philly cheesesteak sandwich. Not ideal, but still low-carb.

I am out of fresh veggies at home, so today's lunch will be another salad with chicken. I will probably pan-fry some peppers and chicken sausage for dinner--yum!

I am already planning my getaway from work today so I can get home early enough to walk the doggies while it's still light. It's shaping up to be a beautiful day here!

Here's to the weekend!!

I'll take it

216.4

Yesterday was not a perfect day, but I'll take it. I ended up eating a little bit of crispy tortilla strips which were in my southwestern chicken salad for dinner and two cheese sticks, and I only walked 20 minutes, or a little over 1 mile, for exercise, but considering I had a bad headache in the afternoon and my mom arrived around 5:00 p.m., I'll count it as a good day.

Progress not perfection, right?

The scale was down a little bit more this morning. Always encouraging. I am fully prepared to weigh tomorrow and see no change, or even a slight gain. I was prepared for that this morning, actually, and was pleasantly surprised that I still showed a "loss."

This evening may be a challenge. We are meeting friends for dinner at a pub, and I'm not sure what the menu is. Exercise is not going to happen either because of our dinner, unless it ends much earlier than I think it will and I can still get in a walk with the dogs before bedtime. Well, even if I skip tonight's walk, I still have the whole weekend to make it up. And I am planning on a 3-hour hike on Sunday, if it doesn't pour rain.

Firing on all cylinders

216.8

The scale shows down another pound today. This is all the more satisfying given that I started my period today, which usually means a temporary gain on the scale. Even though I know this is not true "weight loss," it's still nice to see a lower number. . . . makes me feel that I am getting closer to being under 200 (my immediate, short-term goal) all the time. ;-)

Yesterday was a pretty good day, diet- and exercise-wise. I followed SB Phase One to the letter, with one small exception: I allowed myself to add 1/4 cup of pinto beans to my salad at lunch. Just adding that little bit of "good" carbs to the meal helped tremendously; I felt full for nearly 4 hours, and I had no nausea and no energy slump. I ate every 3-4 hours throughout the day and never felt hungry, except when it was time for my next meal or snack.

In lieu of walking 2 miles, I did 32 minutes on the elliptical trainer at the gym. (Distance of 2.39 miles total.) I had a really kick-a$$ workout. . . . the kind of workout where I felt I could've just kept going for an hour had I wanted to. I kept my heart rate up near the top of my target range throughout and generally felt awesome. Nice. (On a side note: I am absolutely loving the Po.lar heart rate monitor I got for Christmas.)

Today is off to a little rockier start, as I had an early appointment and was running behind, due to waking up with a slight headache (second day in a row waking up with a headache). I've made the right food choices so far but will have to pick up lunch out somewhere. I have a couple of SB-compliant options in mind.

Exercise might be tricky as well, as my mother arrives this evening. Perhaps I will persuade her to go along with me on my 2-mile walk, though I know her pace is way below what would actually elevate my heart rate. Any exercise is better than none, though.

It feels really good to be in control of my eating again and to be exercising more regularly. Why do I tend to forget how much I enjoy this when I slip back into my habitual, slovenly ways?

Hope this trend continues. . . . and thanks to my sister for giving me the kick in the a$$ I needed to recommit.

Pizza, the temptor

217.8

I continue to chuckle at how much the scale lies. Really? I lost 2.2 lbs since yesterday morning? I think not.

My first day back on SB was pretty good. I had a little bit of an energy crash in the afternoon, probably due to the fact that I ate no carbs at all. (I'd slept great and had no other explanation for my slump.) I also felt faintly nauseated after eating 3 1/2 servings of vegetables at lunch (a HUGE salad). So maybe I won't pack that many veggies into one sitting again.

I walked for 34 minutes, burning 193 calories according to my heart monitor, but I think my distance fell slightly short of the 2 miles I'd planned. I'm not 100% sure because I haven't mapped that route or measured the distance.

I had one little slip: MM ordered a pizza for dinner, and I had two bites after eating my own dinner. It was thin crust with no toppings (on the bites I ate), so it wasn't the end of the world, but still. . . . carbs.

I drank my usual 2-3 liters of water. I had a massage yesterday afternoon, and my massage therapist commented immediately that she could tell I was very well-hydrated. I was peeing every 30-45 minutes there for a while during the day; far more than I thought was proportional to my water intake, which was curious.

We shall see how today goes. I am planning to hit the elliptical for 30 minutes this evening to knock out my daily 2 miles. I usually go around 2.25 miles in 3 minutes on there, so I can make up for the mileage I missed last night, too.

Recommitting

220.0

I restarted the South Beach diet today for about the 50th time (OK, maybe more like the tenth or eleventh.) I am helping my sister stay on track as she loses weight in preparation for her 20th high school reunion in June. Obviously I should be working on losing weight for my own reasons, but I'll take this as a motivator for now.

In addition to doing SB, we are going to walk 2 miles a day, six days a week. Keeping it simple. I may knock out some of my days as a 30-minute session on the elliptical trainer instead; we'll see.

My mom arrives for her annual visit on Wednesday evening. She will be here until just after Easter, so a little over a month. So I need to figure her into the equation, too.

Not much else to say about that. I'd need to lose exactly 70 lbs to reach a healthy BMI of 25 (150 lbs for my height of 5'5"). A doable goal, but a long-term one, to be sure. . . . clearly, I'm not going to get there in the next 2 months, or even the next 6 months.

Wish me luck. . . . .

Humdrum

218.0

Lately I am feeling like I am just living each day. I don't mean that statement in the positive, Zen way in which it might be interpreted (though I believe that there is certainly something to be said for living in the present and enjoying each moment.)

I mean that I am not taking a global view of my life or working toward any medium- or long-term goals. I just get up each morning and do what I must do to get through that day: go to work, eat, sleep, walk dogs, hygiene, etc. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed. Humdrum.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy most aspects of my life. To the contrary; I am quite content. I am happy in my marriage. I love my dogs. I have great friends and family and am getting along fine with all of them and seeing as much of them as is reasonably possible, given everyone's schedules, distance and finances. I have lots of "me" time, and I have been making an effort to relax and read more in the evenings, once my "to be read" pile grew to over 15 books shortly after Christmas.

Work is the same as ever: some aspects are interesting, some less so. I still don't love billable hours, but I have realized that they are a necessary evil of my current position. I recognize and acknowledge the many positive aspects of my present job, and I know that, given the state of the economy and the job market, now is not the time for me to be looking to change jobs, even if I were that frustrated at work (which I'm not, most days).

I just feel ineffectual and directionless. To an objective outside observer, I would think my life looks pretty good. And no doubt, some third party would probably tell me that I have accomplished plenty in my life. From my perspective, though, I am the same fat, out-of-shape, disorganized person I was when I started this blog over four years ago. . . . honestly, I have been that same person for much, much longer.

I am OK with being in a somewhat stagnant place at work for the moment. I anticipate I will make a job change again at some point when the job outlook is better. I have some ideas about that but am totally aware that now is not the time. Looking at things from a broader perspective, I am even OK with being a somewhat mediocre lawyer. I still prefer it to my previous career.

But my acceptance of the current state of affairs with my career shouldn't mean that I have no goals on which I can focus. Quite the opposite. In fact, remaining in my same position while not having to learn a new one, and not job-searching, should free me up to focus more on other things. . . . things like exercising more, eating right, getting more organized at home, writing the novel I've often talked about and never started. Instead, I find myself as stagnant in my non-work life as I am at the office.

I am at a loss about what will shake me out of my complacency. I've tried baby steps. I've made attempts at a slow return to exercise a few times already this year. I am gung ho for a few days and then peter out. I start out most days with a healthy breakfast and a plan. Some days I actually stick to the plan, but as many days, I don't. I've tried doing "just 15 minutes" of cleaning and decluttering, and while it has kept the house from falling into complete chaos (along with MM's more regular cleaning routine), I have not made much progress.

Perhaps I need therapy? A cattle prod? To hire a "life coach"? I don't know.

The scale lies

218.2

I was totally perplexed by the number I saw on the scale this morning. I was out of town all weekend, so today is the first time I'd weighed myself since Thursday morning, when the scale showed 220.0. I did not have a good weekend food-wise: I attended a baby shower on Saturday and ate brownies and cake (among other things). Yesterday's food consisted of huevos rancheros and a caffe mocha for breakfast, a sub sandwich for lunch, ice cream & chicken strips for an afternoon snack, and ramen noodles for dinner.

I know I didn't drink enough water either day, and I didn't get enough sleep either. I didn't exercise at all.

Yet in spite of all this, I am, at least on the scale, almost two pounds lighter today. It makes no sense! I weighed myself three times in different positions on the tile, and each measurement was the same. So odd.

Oh, and by the way: I certainly don't look or feel any thinner. Nope, I'm as fat this morning as I was last Thursday.

As I was driving back to Phoenix from Tucson yesterday, I was thinking about the fact that my 40th birthday was a mere 13 months away and figuring out in my head how much weight I would have to lose during that timeframe to be at a a healthy BMI on my 40th birthday. (Yes, it is a long, boring drive, and I have way too much time to think while making it.)

In order to weigh 150 on my 40th birthday--which would give me a BMI of 25.0--I would have to average nearly 6 lbs of weight loss a month from now until then, or 1.25 lbs per week. This goal would be well within the guidelines for healthy weight loss.

Something to think about. . . .

Magical thinking

We all engage in magical thinking from time to time. I was aware of it just this week while watching the Olympics. . . . like somehow my holding my breath or yelling "look out!" will help a downhill skier who's about to crash or the figure skater whose landing looks wobbly.

This afternoon, I have been engaging in another type of magical thinking. . . . thinking that I somehow caused something bad to happen to someone, simply by thinking about it.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a message I'd like to send to my "first" (I will call him "E") on Fac.eb.ook about hoping that what he did to me didn't happen to his daughter, who is now the same age I was then. The post spurred comments about whether I had been raped, and I was quick to point out that what happened between this guy and me, while reprehensible on his part, due to his older age and greater experience, was not criminal.

I had lunch today with E's sister. We were in the same high school class and were friends (notwithstanding her brother's mistreatment of me). During the planning for our 20th high school reunion a couple of years ago, we learned that we both live in the Phoenix metro area, though at opposite ends. We work around 30 minutes from one another and have had lunch twice since then.

I hadn't seen her in over a year. She had alluded to 2009 being "a tough year for our family" in her email to schedule lunch, so I knew she had some bad news to impart. She told me first about her financial struggles and her other brother's impending divorce, which has been a long time coming. (They were having marital problems when I saw her last, and they weren't new then.)

Then she told me something that gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. After telling me about her younger brother's divorce, she said "But that's nothing compared to what happened to E" and proceeded to tell me how his 15-year-old daughter was basically raped by the two older brothers of one of her friends. E and his daughter live in a small town--even smaller than our hometown--and the parents of these guys are friends of E and his wife, people they have known since childhood.

Apparently while E's daughter was sleeping over at her friend's house, after the parents went to bed, the four teenagers started playing drinking games. E's daughter--who my friend describes as "a good girl" and her favorite niece--was unaccustomed to alcohol and soon passed out. While she was semi-conscious, each of the guys, her friend's brothers, "took advantage of her."

The girl didn't tell her parents for a few days out of fear of being punished for drinking, but E finally found out what had happened when he noticed significant changes in his daughter's behavior and probed further. The police are involved, and prosecution of the assailants is being pursued.

Once he learned about what had happened to his daughter, E fell into a deep depression. My friend said he would keep her and his mom on the phone for hours, talking about all the "bad things" he had done in his life and how G-d was punishing him. She believed he was suicidal at one point and had their father force him to seek help.

E is now on antidepressants and doing OK, but their ordeal is far from over. The case is still making its way through the courts, and E's daughter may have to testify at trial. Meanwhile, one of the guys apologized to the girl for his behavior and the other has been sending her hateful text messages calling her a "slut."

I know that my thought of "I hope no guy does to her what you did to me at her age" did not cause this--it happened before I even wrote that post, in fact--but I couldn't help the eerie feeling I had while hearing about this. I think anyone would be horrified to find that a 15-year-old had been raped, but my feelings went beyond that. I felt guilty, even though I did nothing to cause this.

Given the tenor of my previous post, one might think I would take some perverse pleasure in knowing that E had to go through something like this, but I don't. Maybe I don't really hate him as much as I thought I did.

Maybe I just find it impossible to take any pleasure in something so awful happening to an old friend's favorite niece.

Like a broken record

220.0 (ugh)

• I have been filled with self-loathing the past several weeks as I have watched the scale creeping slowly and inexorably up, up, up. However, my self-loathing has provided me with little to no motivation to stop its climb. (Why I even bother to weigh every morning is beyond me.) My eating habits, while never great, have not really changed that much since Christmas, and yet I am now gaining weight where I wasn't before. Perhaps it's middle age? I have made a couple of starts at resuming regular exercise, but even those have been short-lived and motivated more by avoidance of pain/injury than by a desire to get in shape and lose weight. WTF is wrong with me?!
  
• I am enjoying watching the Olympics. I'm not a big fan of most winter sports, having grown up in the desert and not ever participating in them myself, but I LOVE women's figure skating especially. And Lindsey Vonn is originally from MM's hometown, so of course we've had to watch the downhill skiing.
• I continue to be plagued by headaches. I woke up with a migraine yesterday and had to use heavy-duty drugs. I had a little residual headache this morning which, happily, has responded to a single dose of Ex.cedrin.
• My dad is having some health issues. (Actually, he lives with several chronic conditions, so he is always having health issues to some extent.) He had to be transfused with three units of blood yesterday for a very low hemoglobin/hematocrit, and the doctors do not know why/how his blood counts got so low. They are going to have to run tests to try to figure out where the blood loss is coming from. Meanwhile, Dad is tired, weak and short of breath as a result of being so anemic. He also just got over pneumonia which was diagnosed just after New Year's. Dad will be 68 years old on March 15, so these problems are more than usually concerning.
• I am looking forward to a fun-filled but busy weekend in my old stomping grounds of Tucson!
• The weather here in Phoenix this week has been absolutely beautiful. . . . the kind of days I'll want to think of fondly in July when it's 110+ for weeks at a time.

You decide

220.6 (OMG, I really weigh 220)

A certain couple I know recently had a disagreement about a minor issue, but I want to get my readers' take on who was in the right and who was in the wrong.

"A" and "B" are a married couple. (I am purposely going to refrain from telling you the genders of either spouse to avoid gender bias.) Because A knew that B was only working four hours today and would not be going into work until 1:00 p.m., A asked B to take A's car to have its emissions testing done. The car needs to be tested by Monday, which is a federal holiday, which essentially means that the testing needs to get done this evening or sometime this weekend.

In the interest of not cutting into time they both wanted to spend together over the weekend, and knowing that the wait times at the emissions testing centers are the shortest on weekday mornings, B (grudgingly) agreed to switch cars with A for the day and take the car to the emissions testing center this morning before going to work. A and B left their cars respective keys out for each other on the kitchen table prior to going to bed last night.

This morning A left for work in B's car, as arranged. A had been at work less than an hour when B called to say that B had left B's wallet in B's car. B has no cash, no ATM card, and no ID, since they are all in B's wallet. B cannot write a check and cannot get cash at the bank without ID. Thus, B has no way to pay the $30 for emissions testing for A's car.

B believes that this is A's fault and that A should have noticed that B's wallet was in the car when A got in the car to drive to work. B is angry with A for inconveniencing B even further, because now B will have to take A's car to the emissions testing center this afternoon, when the wait times are bound to be longer than they would have been this morning.

A maintains that this is B's fault. B knew that A would be taking B's car for the day. It was therefore B's responsibility to ensure that anything B needed out of B's car was removed. A believes that this task could and should have been accomplished when the parties exchanged keys last night.

Thoughts? Who do you think is right?

Yet another sign that I am a terrible person

219.4

As is likely apparent from previous posts, I spend a little time on Fac.ebo.ok every day. (OK, some days more than a little.) One of the features of the site is the "news feed" which informs you about the activities of your "friends" . . . . like their status updates, whether they have posted photos or links to websites, and--most germane to this post--whether they have changed their relationship status.

Fac.ebo.ok offers a few choices for relationship status: single, married, in a relationship, and the ever popular "it's complicated." Fac.ebo.ok's reporting of changed relationship status was the way I first learned of a friend's break-up with her fiance shortly before Christmas. Today I noticed that a high school classmate of mine who I'll call "C" had changed his status from "married" to "it's complicated."

Interestingly, I had lunch with C's sister last summer (she was a friend of mine in high school; small town), and she had mentioned that he and his wife were having marital problems. Now, given the change in relationship status, I am guessing that they are getting divorced. They have been married pretty close to 20 years, I think; I know they have a son who is nearly 18.

I know it's wrong that my first thought was to let my divorced high school friend know that C may soon be back on the market. My friend was in C's class, and I know she has always found him attractive. There is an "all 80s" reunion for our high school in June, and she will no doubt see C there, assuming he attends (and I see no reason why he wouldn't, given that he still lives in New Mexico).

I guess I figure, hey! My friend didn't break up their marriage, and there's no reason why she shouldn't pursue an opportunity.

Yeah, I'm probably going to hell.

February's not off to a good start

On February 1, I had to leave work after only a couple of hours due to a worsening migraine. . . . and then deal with an additional "headache" trying to get my prescription migraine medicine that our insurance decided it will not pay for.

On February 2, I woke up with a red, painful right eye which grew worse through the day. By afternoon, I'd decided I needed to go to the eye doctor and was diagnosed with keratitis of the cornea. I'm glad I didn't follow my first inclination and just wait it out because it can lead to blindness if untreated. A $40 office visit and $40 worth of 4-times-a-day eye drops and I'm told the eye should improve soon. I can't wear my contact lenses for at least a week.

Today, February 3, I've woken up to gray skies with a slight headache, some lingering discomfort and redness in my eye, and a complete disinterest in going to work, where I have to spend the first three hours of my day attending a Webinar on Managing Law Practice Risk which is required by the firm's insurance carrier.

I am manning the "Woof Line" for Rescue a Golden this week and having difficulty even remembering to check the number once a day (no calls yet, though, thank goodness) and have been dealing with a non-working home phone that has required me to make two calls to the company which provides our phone service.

On top of all this, I started my period yesterday and have cramps.

Yeah, this month is not off to a good start. . . . .

(On a positive note, I did my second session of Pilates yesterday evening and went for a brisk 30-minute walk. Yea me!)

So. . . .

218.2

Recently I received an invitation from a law school classmate to participate in the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk this November. I was gung ho to do something for a great cause. . . . until I started thinking about what preparation for this event would actually entail.

The 3-Day consists of walking 20 miles a day, 3 consecutive days, for a total of 60 miles. There are rest stops along the route with water and snacks. From all I have heard, it is a very well-managed event.

In addition to devoting three days to walking, I would have to raise $2300 in donations in order to participate and pay a non-refundable $90 processing fee.

But it's not the distance or the donations that have me hesitating to sign up. It's my fear that I would not do the training required to prepare and would thus find myself physically unable to do the walk. It would be completely in character for me to wake up on October 1 and say "Oh sh1t! It's only 5 weeks until the Walk, and I haven't been training!"

A law school friend who did the 3-Day in '08 told me that it takes 16-24 weeks to train, depending on which program you use. You have to walk six days a week. You start gradually, only walking about 2 miles a day, and work up to walking 16 miles by the end.

When I mentioned that I found this prospect daunting, she said "Well, you probably exercise six days a week anyway, right?" Yeah. Uh, no, I don't already exercise six days a week. I know that I SHOULD exercise six a days a week, but I don't. (Let me also mention here that this friend has two small children, a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old, in addition to her full-time job.)

I then feel doubly ashamed for being afraid to commit to this. There is absolutely nothing preventing me from training for this! In fact, the majority of the training schedule would only consist of my doing what I should already be doing anyway: walking around a half hour, six days a week. (The doggies would love that, too.)

I hate that I am such a lazy slug that I can't even commit to doing this for a worthy cause, not to mention being unable to motivate myself to do it for my own health.

So tell me I should do it and how to make myself do the training.

Hometown

I think I've figured out why I have trouble remembering people from my hometown, and it's not due to early onset dementia. It's due to the fact that I HATE(D) MY HOMETOWN and most of the people in it!

I graduated from high school in 1988. Recently there has been talk on Fac.ebo.ok about the fact that the alumni from the classes of 1980 through 1989 are having an 80s reunion there this summer. A few people have asked me if I will be attending. The answer I'd like to give is "Not only No, but HELL NO."

I will never, not even for my 50th, if I live that long, attend a class reunion in my hometown. Most of the people I grew up with were obnoxious and ignorant, and I find it hard to believe that many of them will have improved with the passing of time.

Sure, there are some people in my high school class and the classes ahead of mine who I liked and might enjoy seeing again. . . . but the prospect of seeing these people is not outweighed by the certainty of having to tolerate a bunch of yahoos I didn't like in high school and probably still wouldn't like.

I've read and heard enough about many of my former classmates on Fac.ebo.ok to know that the ones who were obnoxious and ignorant continue to be obnoxious and ignorant. And many of the ones I liked have (wisely) moved away and fallen out of contact with everyone.

Am I the only one who feels this way about her hometown? I bless the day my father moved away from there and ensured that I would NEVER have to go back, even for a visit.

'Nuff said on this topic. I have already given it far more space on this blog and in my mind than it truly deserves.

Early onset dementia?

Ever since I have been active on Fac.ebo.ok the past year or so, I have noticed that I can't seem to remember many people from my hometown. It's almost like I've blocked out a significant portion of my years there. I'm not sure if this is common or not, but I am a little bothered by it.

As I may have mentioned before, my sister V and I grew up in a small town. Our four-year high school had only about 350 students total, and my graduating class was 69 people. Because there was little industry in the town where we lived, not a lot of people moved in or out. Sure, occasionally someone moved away (and I envied them!) or someone new moved to town (always an event), but for the most part, I went to school with the same people K-12. We moved there when I was 5, and my dad lived there until I was 19, so I spent essentially my entire childhood there.

Given the size of our hometown and the relative stability of its population, you would think that I would clearly remember everyone I knew there. . . . but this is not the case. On more than a few occasions, I have received a friend request from someone, or seen a name on someone else's friend list, and had to email V to see if she knew who the person was. Even more concerning: V usually knows who these people are, even though she is two years younger than I, with only a couple of exceptions.

Most recently, I've felt bad because there have been a lot of posts by classmates of mine about a man whose name I recognize as a high school classmate (or maybe from the class a year after me). "JS" is apparently fighting cancer--and may have died, based on someone's cryptic status update yesterday--and I have no memory of him beyond his name sounding familiar. I couldn't tell you what he looked like, what his personality was like, or any shared experience he and I had.

Why is it that I can remember the telephone number of the boy I liked in junior high school and just about every mean thing anyone did to me in my hometown, but I cannot remember anything but JS's name?

While "chatting" with a high school classmate on Fac.ebo.ok last week, she was referencing people I did not remember at all, who were apparently just one year ahead of me. In that instance, not only could I not retrieve any concrete memories of the person--as with JS--I couldn't even really remember the name.

I'd like to think that I can't recall these mostly irrelevant facts because my brain is so filled with other good stuff, but I am a little concerned that my memory is failing me at age 38.