Tagged

THE RULES: Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own. Step 2: tag— tag eight other un-tagged people. So, here we go!

Make a list of things you can see without getting up: A framed photo of Sebastian; a box of paperback books; a photo of MM and me taken at the Venetian last November just before our wedding; my BlackBerry; a photo of my nephew Rowan; a framed print I bought in Ireland in 2002; a lead crystal carving of a Golden Retriever; my digital camera; my wedding photos (waiting to go into the album); some bills.

What were you like when you were five? I was inquisitive and loved to learn.

What are you wearing now? A black Guinness T-shirt and black lounge pants.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? Just finished Goodnight Nobdoy by Jennifer Weiner today.

Do you nap a lot? When I have the time.

Who was the last person you hugged? My husband

What’s your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Don't really have one

What was the last thing you ate today? A hamburger cooked by MM

What is the best purchase you've ever made? Toyota Prius

What websites do you always visit when you go online? bloglines, facebook, google, yahoo

What was the last thing you bought? Fry bread

What are you listening to right now? ESPN's Sports Center

If you could have any super power, what would it be? The ability to turn dog poo into gold

What is your favorite weather, and why? Phoenix winter weather: 70s, clear, sunny

What time do you usually get up? 7:45

What is your most challenging goal right now? Getting organized

Say something to the person who tagged you: Thanks for the blog entry idea! ;-)

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? On Maui

Favorite vacation spot? Can't really pick A favorite. I can visit DC again and again

What is your favorite children’s book? The Velveteen Rabbit

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you: Chocolate

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be? Jesus

Favorite song: Currently, Single Ladies by Beyonce

Name one thing you would most like to change about yourself: My weight.

Name a bad habit: I tend to obsess about things in a negative way.

What are you looking forward to this year? Seeing my nephew next month, and celebrating all our "firsts" as a married couple: first Valentine's Day, first Easter, etc.

Benefits of daily exercise

213.2



I only have six days left in the 30 days from my original 30-day challenge; my first day of exercise to start my streak was January 13th. (I remember because a good friend had a baby the same day.) Assuming I work out every day for the next six--and I see no reason at the moment why this can't happen--I will have worked out 28 of the 30 days.

A 93%. Not 100%, but not too shabby. Actually, just having worked out 22 of the past 24 days works out to slightly more than six days a week of exercise. Excellent! For the past 3+ weeks, I have FINALLY been doing MORE exercise than my doctor recommended.

I have to say, I have seen LOADS of benefits from this daily exercise thing. I am sleeping better and snoring less. (Yes, I sometimes snore. Poor MM.) My energy level is higher--and more constant--throughout the day. Because my energy level is higher, I am able to concentrate better at work. (Well, I *would* be able to concentrate better if I wasn't preoccupied with non-work stuff.) I am finally, FINALLY having fewer headaches: I've only had one (mild) migraine since the 30-day challenge started and fewer tension headaches. When I do have to take medication for a headache, I can take less and the headaches don't last as long.

I perceive a significant difference in my exercise endurance, too. I can jog longer, go faster, and generally feel better while working out than I did before. It's no longer a struggle to get through a 30-minute workout. In fact, most days I quite enjoy it. For example, I had a kick-ass 30-minute workout on the elliptical trainer last night at the gym. . . . so good, in fact, that when the 30-minute program ended, I hopped on the treadmill and jogged for five more minutes! I certainly didn't do that prior to this challenge.

Because I have also quit caffeine, started acupuncture, and gone for an hour-long massage every other week since starting this 30-day challenge, I cannot say with absolute certainty that all the things I mentioned above are attributable to (almost) daily exercise.

The scale hasn't really changed much with increasing my exercise, but I do notice I am slightly firmer in places, and MM says I look a little smaller to him. And honestly, I didn't start this challenge to lose weight (though it would've been nice!), so I'm fine with this.

I am on board with doing another 30-day challenge, and my next one will be to actually eat the RDA-recommended nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day. I've been reading up on ways to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet. Assuming I can get to the grocery store on the 16th and get prepared, I will probably start on the 17th because I want to complete my exercise challenge first and want to start at the beginning of a week. (Our office is closed the 16th for Presidents' Day.)

I think that this next challenge will be tougher for me than the exercise challenge. We shall see!

Insensitive much?

213.8

You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.
~Maya Angelou

Now that I've reached an age where 40 no longer seems old, I've sometimes had cause to reflect on things I've done and said in the past. At no time has this been more true than since MM and I started actively trying to have a child of our own. As I've written here before, I naively thought that this endeavor would be accomplished in a relatively short time. Certainly no longer than six months. I was even concerned for a while that I'd get pregnant before we were married. (This seems laughable to me now.)

When I was younger, I used to routinely ask couples who'd been married more than six months when they were going to have a baby. It never occurred to me that the mere question might cause some of these people pain.

Likewise, I used to have no qualms about asking a couple whose only child was at least 2 when/if they planned to have another. Again, I never realized that there might be reasons that this wasn't part of their plan.

I used to think that women who were willing to put their bodies and minds through all sorts of stress with fertility treatments were missing the point and that they should "just adopt." I used to think that I would never subject myself to all that "unnecessary" poking, prodding and stress.

I used to think that when the day came that I decided to have a baby of my own, I'd have some fun, passionate, unprotected sex and get the job done in no time flat. I figured I would even have the luxury of deciding which month of the year might be most convenient for me to be giving birth.

I used to think (though, thank goodness, I never said to anyone) that maybe people who couldn't have a baby on their own "weren't meant to be parents."

I used to think (though, again, I never said to anyone) that people who were trying for a while to get pregnant should "just relax and stop trying."

I have learned a lot in the past several months.

#500

212.6

This post is my 500th, and I can't even be bothered to think of something interesting to write about. I'm in a funk today for the same reason I've been in a funk many, many times over the past ten months.

I couldn't let the day go by without posting my lower weight, though! And that's even after having a HUGE dinner out with my friend M yesterday before the gym.

90% is still an A

213.2







As my ticker shows, I missed another day of working out since my last post: this one was last night. Again, I did walk the dog to the park and back, but I don't count that as a workout; it's activity, yes, but I definitely don't get my heart rate up.

I had tummy problems yesterday morning (no, not morning sickness), so I stayed home from work. I felt better in the evening, but still run-down and generally lethargic (despite a 4-hour nap). So those were my reasons (excuses) for not working out.

Anyway. Onward and upward. I've brought my workout clothes with me to work today and I'll be meeting MM at the gym as usual this evening.

Aside from the after effects of yesterday's GI upset, I feel pretty much back to normal today. Don't have much of an appetite, though, but hey! That's a good thing. All I've eaten today is a packet of instant organic oatmeal, and even though it's 2:00 here, I'm still not hungry. I'm not knockin' it! Just drinking water continuously.

One of the partners settled a case today which was going to trial in two weeks. I've been working a lot on that case the last few weeks, so I can now focus on other things. The settlement was an excellent outcome for our client, so I am happy about it for that reason as well.

Today's post is #499. Gonna try to make the next one special. . . .

Broke my streak

212.8 (ah, the irony!)

Yesterday I continued to be unusually and inexplicably tired, and in the late afternoon I started getting a headache as well. So I went home, put a hot compress on my neck and shoulders, and went to sleep.

I was awakened by a phone call from MM a little after 6 p.m.--almost two hours after I'd gone to sleep--and at that time my headache was worse, but not so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep until 8 p.m.

When I woke up at 8, I had a full-on migraine. (I will still NEVER understand how a headache can get worse--or even develop--while I'm sleeping!). I took some Excedrin--even though I am giving up caffeine--and by 9:00 I felt a bit better. Still not 100%, though.

Unfortunately, I didn't feel well enough to work out. I did take Sebastian to the park--about a 15-minute round-trip walk with a 10-minute break at the park for him to run--but I didn't do any other exercise yesterday. :-(

Ah well. If I end up working out "only" 29 days out of 30, I will still be pretty happy with that. It certainly represents a significant increase in exercise from what I had been doing! I'd hoped for 100% compliance, but perhaps that was too lofty a goal. I will be working out tonight for sure, so it's "right back on the horse" today.

After a full night's sleep (yes, in spite of having slept almost four hours in the afternoon/evening), I woke up today feeling refreshed and back to normal. And shock of shocks, the scale was the lowest it's been since I started this 30-day challenge. WTF is up with that?!

Tomorrow is my second acupuncture session. I am certainly going to mention to the doc that my headaches continue (though it seems that their frequency and severity is decreasing). I'm looking forward to the session, truth be told: the first one was quite relaxing.

Weekend plans: relaxing night at home tonight with MM; eye doctor, leg wax, and acupuncture tomorrow, with lunch with KC worked in, followed by a Coyotes hockey game in the evening. Sunday will be loads of household chores--I'm woefully behind on them--and dinner with the in-laws.

TGIF!

So.inexplicably.tired

215.2 (figures)

Just as I suspected: the scale is back up today. The fact that dinner last night was a late meal of spaghetti and meatballs (and salad & breadsticks) at the Olive Garden is a likely contributing factor.

Ever since my alarm went off the first time this morning, I have been so very, very tired. I have no explanation for why I'm so tired. I went to bed at a decent hour and got a good and full night's sleep. I exercised yesterday after work, just as I have for all of the last sixteen days. I took my herbs and nutritional supplements just as usual. I'm drinking plenty of water.

I so badly want a cup of coffee, but I am staying strong. It helps that I really don't like the coffee that my firm provides; in order to have a cup of coffee I'd enjoy, I'd have to actually drive to the nearest Starbucks about five minutes away.

I'm too tired to think of anything more interesting to write, and I have a bunch of work stuff I've gotta get done. Maybe I'll take a brisk walk around the block and see if that helps. . . .

Edited to add: I did a brisk 10-minute walk outside, and I think it helped. It is a beautiful sunny day outside. It felt good just to get outdoors for a little while.

Halfway there. . .

213.2

As of last night's workout, I am halfway through my 30-day workout challenge. I am quite proud of myself and am already noticing many positive effects from exercising daily. This morning, the scale was actually down a little, too. . . . even though I actually ate quite a bit last night. I don't trust it, though. We'll see what it does over the next few days. It's apt to go back up again.

I was thinking last night as I was on the phone with a friend in Tucson that one downside of this daily exercise challenge is that I've become more boring. Every evening after work, I go straight to the gym. After getting home, eating dinner, and spending some time with Sebastian, I really don't do much of anything else except maybe read for a while.

To be fair, part of the reason I don't do much else in the evenings is also because I am electing to spend time with my husband in lieu of doing other things. So I guess in that sense I'm just becoming a boring married person. LOL

If/when I successfully complete this 30-day challenge, I think the next thing I am going to challenge myself to do is to eat more vegetables. I don't come anywhere near the recommended nine servings a day; I'm usually doing well to get in 3-4 servings.

At nearly 38 years old, with known high cholesterol and a family history of diabetes and heart disease, I'd say it's long past time for me to be focusing on forming healthy habits. . . . and not just solely for the sake of weight loss. So that's what I'll be working on this year.

One day at a time

215.0 (see?)

On contemplating my unchanging weight this morning, I was briefly reminded of an experience I had with a college boyfriend. (To maintain his anonymity, I will refer to him as "Pig Farmer." Some readers will get a chuckle out of this, for various reasons, but there is a specific reason for this moniker that will especially amuse a couple of my readers who will actually remember when I dated Pig Farmer.)

Pig Farmer was in the Army, which (as many of you may be aware) has weight restrictions for its enlistees. When Pig Farmer needed to drop a few pounds to get back under his weight limit, he would just play an extra couple of games of pick-up basketball every week. He didn't cut back on his eating or do any other type of extra exercise. . . well, to be fair, he already did daily PT *and* he was only 19 years old. But that small increase in his activity was always enough for him to drop 10-15 pounds in a couple of weeks.

Hearing Pig Farmer talk about this gave me my first window into how weight loss is different for men than it is for women. I don't know any woman (now or when I was in college) who could lose ANY weight simply by playing a little extra hoops with no dietary modifications whatsoever.

Actually, over the years I'd suspected that exercise alone would not make me lose weight, but I finally confirmed this during my first year of law school. Prior to that time, generally when I would undertake a program of regular exercise, it would be accompanied with dieting. (I was always kind of an "all or nothing" sort.) But during my first year in law school, I started working out regularly for the stress reduction and didn't really make a sincere effort to change my eating habits.

For over a year, I worked out 3-4 days a week for about 30 minutes at a time. Nothing overly strenuous: a brisk walk or the elliptical trainer. And during that year, I think I lost about two pounds.

(Eventually, once I was well in the habit of daily exercise, I did end up also modifying my eating habits and had lots of success on Weight Watchers, losing about 35 pounds in four months. But that's another post.)

Yesterday marked my 13th consecutive day of working out. My friend V and I went on a 3.8-mile hike which took us just under two hours. It was an absolutely beautiful day weather-wise, and the hike we went on--a new one for me--had some very gorgeous desert scenery and awesome views. We took Sebastian, too, so he also got a workout in. ;-)

I haven't decided yet whether I'll be going to the gym tonight or for a brisk walk around the neighborhood; it will depend in part on what time MM gets off work. But I will certainly be doing one or the other.

In addition to my daily exercise, I've quit caffeine (again). I started seeing a Traditional Chinese Medicine doc on Friday and had my first acupuncture session. She recommended that I quit caffeine and gave me various herbs to take. I haven't had a cup of coffee since Thursday morning, though I did have to break down and take some Excedrin for a mild headache on Saturday afternoon.

Surprisingly, unlike the last time I tried to give up coffee, my energy level and concentration have both been fine. Not sure if this is due to my daily exercise, the acupuncture, the herbs, or just plain good luck. . . . but I'll take it. ;-)

In other news. . . . Mom left yesterday morning to begin her trek back home to Ohio. I will miss her. Although he gets along well with her, MM is glad she's gone. She *was* with us for nearly three months, so I can see why he feels this way. He is looking forward to our having our house to ourselves again. . . for the first time as a married couple.

P.S. I am coming up on 500 posts and would like to post "something special" for post #500. Any suggestions for a topic?

12 days down

216.2 (yep, it's up)

Don't have much to write about, but wanted to update on my 30-day challenge. Today was my 12th consecutive day of exercise, and I had a GREAT workout. I can already perceive an increase in my endurance, and I'm having to work harder to get my heart rate up. Hard to believe I'm already seeing progress.

Even better, I have more energy and am sleeping better at night. AND. . . I'm giving up coffee. Yep. I haven't had any caffeine at all since Thursday morning (except the caffeine in a dose of Excedrin I had to take this afternoon for a mild headache).

Today is my mom's last day with us. I hope she has a safe journey back to Ohio.

Suitable for children?

An experience I had today made me think of an issue on which I'm interested to hear the opinions of other intelligent women. ;-)

Is there anywhere that it is inappropriate to take your pre-school-aged children?

When I was a hospital nurse, I thought it was highly inappropriate when people brought their small children in to visit. I believe an exception can be made in instances when the child is coming to see a dying (or at least gravely ill) relative--especially a parent, grandparent, or sibling--but nearly all the chlidren I saw were there with parents who were visiting someone who would be returning home from the hospital in, at most, a few days.

Hospitals are full of germs, as well as many other hazards, so bringing small children there risks their health. Small children also harbor lots of germs themselves, putting the (already sick) patients at (further) risk of infections.

As a prosecutor, I often saw people bringing their small children to court for criminal sentencings, and sometimes even for trials. I never thought that seeing "Daddy," "Mommy," or "Uncle So-and-So" in an orange jumpsuit on his/her way to prison was a good thing for those children. . . . not to mention the fact that small children often disrupt these types of proceedings when they attend.

Many is the time that I've watched R-rated movies and other patrons have brought their small children along. Sometimes these were movies that gave *me* nightmares.

I couldn't imagine taking my own small child to any of the above places (or some others), and yet others apparently thought that this behavior was appropriate.

Is it me? Is it because I don't have kids? Is there something I don't "get"?

Don't get me wrong: I *love* kids! I don't even mind them in upscale restaurants or other similar places where I've heard others say they'd rather not see them. I just think that some places are "not suitable for children."

Please weigh in.

Everything happens for a reason

215.6 (note how 8 consecutive days of working out has not moved this number down)

I notice that often when something negative or undesirable happens to us, friends and family reassure us by repeating the phrase that is the title of this post: "everything happens for a reason."

I know I've had discussions with at least a couple of my friends about whether, in fact, this is the case. . . . or whether we just frame things this way in retrospect. As an example, some might say that the "reason" that things didn't work out with my ex-fiance SL and me was so that "something better" could come into my life in the form of my relationship with MM.

BUT. . . . did my break-up with SL REALLY happen so that I could meet and marry MM? Couldn't it simply be that I broke up with SL because not marrying him was a better idea than marrying him, and then eventually (and inevitably) I fell in love with someone new who just happens to be a better fit for me?

Does anything that happens to us TRULY happen for a reason?

Discuss.

7 days

214.4

Just wanted to "toot my own horn" a little (actually, I hate that expression) and say that I have exercised seven of the last seven days. That's right: I'm almost 1/4 of the way to my goal of 30 workouts in 30 days.

I usually do the elliptical trainer, but I have mixed it up a little and done a brisk walk in my neighborhood one evening and alternated jogging and walking on the treadmill another evening. I even worked out when I had a headache on Thursday night; I just walked more slowly than my usual pace, but still covered close to 2 miles.

Yea me!!

Of course, as predicted, the scale really hasn't budged. Ah well. One thing at a time. . . .

Meme

If you got trapped in an elevator with someone, who would you want it to be?
Conor Jackson

What is your favorite cereal?
Kashi Go Lean Crunch

Do you own any cowboy boots?
Not anymore

What is something you would never do in public?
Tweeze the hairs off my chin

Have you ever had really strange dreams?
Yep

Name a friend or loved one who has passed away.
Both grandmas, stepdad

What’s your earliest memory?
Forgetting to stop playing to use the potty and having an "accident"

Have you ever broken a bone before, and if so, how?
I've broken two different toes

Have you ever stepped in dog poo?
Yes

Ever bitten your toenails?
Nope

Who is your all time hero?
I don’t have one.

What colors do you think mix well?
Red white and blue

What did you eat recently?
2 soy sausage patties and an ounce of cheddar cheese

What was your favorite cartoon movie as a child?
I don’t remember having one.

What’s your favorite movie now?
I have several. I really like Clueless

Do you paint your toenails?
Sometimes

Is your computer a fast and awesome computer?
It's all right

What do you do, or want to do for a living?
I'm a lawyer

If one of your long lost exes called you and asked for you back, would you take them back?
Hell no.

Have you ever been a heart-breaker?
Yes.

What’s your favorite instrument?
Clarinet

What is a country you want to visit badly before you die?
Italy

Have you made a bucket list?
Yes

What things in history amuse you the most?
Sarah Palin

Have you ever eaten lipstick?
Nope

What are 3 accessories you have to be equipped with when you go out?
I'm not a big accessories person

Have you ever licked a window before?
Nope

If someone dared you to run across a busy street for 1 thousand dollars, would you?
Nope

Would you kill someone for 9 million dollars?
Depends on who it is

Who is your worst enemy right now and why?
I don't really have any enemies (at least not as far as I know, lol)

Have you ever been in a physical fight with anyone before?
Only my sister.

What brand of cell phone do you have, and which service provider?
BlackBerry by Verizon

Do you wear slippers or socks?
Neither

Do your feet stink?
Not usually

Have you ever picked your butt in public?
Probably

What is the strangest pet you’ve ever owned?
I've only had the usual: cats, dogs, fish. My sister and I did keep a tadpole once for a few weeks (& managed to kill him before he became a frog).

Do you love life or hate it?
Love

Who is the hottest person in the entire universe, in your opinion?
How could I possibly narrow this down to one?

What do you do every night before bed?
Make sure my alarm is set. . . otherwise I'd be even later to work every day.

Quick note

213.6

I have several projects which need to be completed today, so I don't have time for a long entry. I did want to post my weight (yea!) and the fact that I made it to the gym last night on my own! God, I can't remember the last time that happened. . . . certainly before I dated MM! I have my gym stuff in my office as I type this and will be headed there after work to meet MM for workout #3 of my 30-workout challenge.

MM was surprised when I told him about my contemplated challenge to myself and a little skeptical that I will actually follow through. He also said "if you go to the gym every day for a month, you're sure to lose weight." Um, yeah. Not so much. He doesn't get the whole "must exercise and eat better simultaneously" thing.

I have been bringing my lunch to work every day to save time and money, but I don't always bring something healthful. Still, I guess it's probably better for me than eating out. Although today I brought Chipotle leftovers from last night; definitely NOT a very nutritious meal.

I had an hour-long massage last night, and it was awesome. I really need to get back on track with getting bi-weekly massages; it really helps my sleep and cuts down on my headaches. Last night's massage was my first since Maui, so I'd seriously gotten out of the habit.

I'm glad it's Thursday! I have a three-day weekend this weekend because we have Monday off for "Civil Rights Day" (as MLK Day is called in Arizona).

Now back to work. . . .

30 days

215.2

Anyone who has known me for a long time will tell you that I need something to obsess over. I guess I'm just a mentally restless person or something, but I've always been this way.

Most of my life, I've obsessed over men I dated/wanted to date/had dated or other equally useless things. Occasionally I've had some healthier obsessions, like weight loss or law school.

Being obsessive is not an entirely bad thing. It gives me focus--something I am otherwise sadly lacking--and I can get a lot accomplished when I'm fixated on something.

I've made up my mind that I am going to obsess about exercise. (Yeah, I know that's not exactly how obsessions work--I can't really just "make up my mind" to obsess about something--but go with it.) I've been half-a$$ing my doctor-ordered "three times a week" working out for over a year, but no more. Starting today (actually, yesterday), my goal is going to be to work out seven days a week.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get some form of aerobic exercise for 30 minutes every day. Do I think I will be 100% successful? Probably not, which is why I'm aiming for every day. I figure even if I fall short of my goal, I will probably still meet and exceed the three workouts a week I am supposed to be doing.

I really should also focus on improving my eating, but I am going to concentrate on one thing at a time. I am going to aim for thirty 30-minute workouts in the next thirty days.

It's not a tumor

212.6 (hmm)

I left work after an hour yesterday because I had a headache. Actually, I had some degree of headache from Saturday afternoon on. I've always gotten a lot more headaches than the average person, in addition to having migraines, but lately it's been really out of hand. I'm going to ask my dentist about TMJ when I see him in a few weeks, and I'm also going to get my eyes checked soon; I have a suspicion that my contacts prescription needs updating.

I hardly ate anything yesterday--nauseated and/or sleeping most of the day---so I suppose that would account for the weight I saw this morning. I fully expect to be back to the 214-215 range tomorrow.

Thank goodness, I feel fine this morning. But yesterday I literally slept from 11:00 a.m. to 2:30, and then again from 3:00 to 5:00. . . . after having had 8 hours of sleep the night before, too. AND I still went to bed last night by 11:00. Crazy.

Friday night's party was good. It was great to see the guest of honor, as well as lots of old co-workers. There were a couple of folks I'd hoped to see who didn't make it and a couple of folks I saw from a distance but didn't get chance to talk with before they left the party. SL was there, too, as expected. I didn't talk to him, but I did wave at him from a little distance away, and he waved back. And MM got to see him and reacted about as I would have expected.

Recall my post about my friend D who had not acknowledged my wedding. I've still heard nothing from her. Yesterday was her 40th birthday, and for the first time since we've known each other, I did nothing to commemorate her birthday. (Usually I send a card and also call.) Rather than send the angry letter I posted a few weeks ago. . . . I figured I would just stop talking to her. And it seems to have worked. It's sad to have to end a long friendship, but what else to do? I know she never would have "gotten it" and I couldn't go on with the status quo. Looking back, I'm surprised that I was able to maintain such a one-sided friendship for as long as I did; that type of relationship is really very uncharacteristic for me.

Not much else going on. Mom is only going to be here until 1/25 or 1/26, so I will probably spend a good portion of this weekend with her. I'm also hoping to meet KC for lunch. The week ahead should be uneventful. I guess that's good.

Good and bad

I've been in a down mood most of the day--actually crying a little off and on--because I am about to get my period. No, my low mood and tears aren't related to PMS; I'm sad because this cycle was my tenth off birth control and I'm still not pregnant.

I could write several more pages on that topic, but at this point I'm emotionally spent. . . . so I'll just leave it at that.

On a more positive note. . . . I'm going to a party tonight that I've been looking forward to for weeks! The man who trained me when I started working as a prosecutor--someone I greatly admire and esteem--recently retired and is hosting a retirement party in Tucson. He has invited all the people he ever supervised. . . . which is a fair number, given his nearly-35-year career with that office and the rate of attorney turnover. (From what I hear, there will be 150-200 guests.) Several friends (and many more acquaintances) who I haven't seen in a long time will be in attendance. I'm excited to see everyone and catch up!

Interestingly, my ex-fiance SL is also on the guest list and has RSVP'd that he will be attending (we met at work and worked at the same place for the first several months of our relationship). So if he shows up, I will also be seeing him for the first time in a long time. I don't even know if he knows that I am married. And MM will be seeing SL for the first time. Most of the people at the party knew SL and me during the era when we were a couple. Could be a little awkward. . . .

I'll be spending the night at my friend L's and seeing little M in the morning before I head back to Phoenix.

Today's been a crappy end to a busy week. . . . I can use some enjoyment!

Repulsed

215.8 (ugh)

I have been particularly repulsed by myself lately. Although I am about 65-75 lbs overweight, I usually don't spend a lot of time dwelling on how fat I look. . . . probably because I have been fat to some degree or another my entire adult life and have grown accustomed to it. Usually if my weight is bothering me, it's because I've had a hard time finding clothes in my size, I have no/low energy, or my weight is holding me back from doing something I want to do, like hiking the Grand Canyon.

But the past few weeks, I've just felt that my body is gross. Every time I sit down, I notice my huge belly. I know my a$$ is huge, too, but thankfully don't own a full-length mirror and so only really notice it in the shower. My calves are really thick. My upper arms have way more jiggle than I'd like. When I saw my wedding photos, I was reminded afresh that there's no two ways about it: I'm a fat girl.

Now that I'm married, in addition to feeling bad and frustrated with myself for my weight, I also feel bad for MM. MM works out five days a week, eats small portions, and has good genes, so he is pretty slim. (5'8" and about 165 lbs) Although I only weigh a few lbs more than I did when we met (I weighed 211.4 on the day of our first date) and he tells me that he loves me no matter what. . . . I can't help but feel that he deserves a wife who is in better shape.

MM often encourages me to go to the gym with him--and sometimes I do--but he focuses totally on my health, in particular the fact that my cholesterol is high and my doctor says I am supposed to be exercising at least 30 minutes three times a week. I know, though, that even if I actually did all three workouts a week (& more), I won't lose any weight. I will only lose weight if I exercise AND diligently police every bite of food I put into my mouth.

Anyway. . . it remains to be seen whether these feelings motivate me to any action.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

(wt=??)

MM and I returned this afternoon from visiting my father and stepmother in southern New Mexico. We arrived to heavy cloud cover and wet roads from yet another rainy day here in Phoenix. WTF is going on with our weather? All this rain just seems unusual for us this time of year; we generally get the majority of our rainfall in late summer.

Anyhoo, the visit with the parents was (mostly) good. We did manage to irk one or both of them on Friday (long story, and I'm not even sure we figured out exactly what did the irking), but they were over it by the time we returned from our hike, and there were no further "incidents."

MM was unimpressed with my alma mater, NMSU, and with the Las Cruces area in general (except for the hike, which he thought was beautiful). He has expressed a willingness to return once a year in the future, but not more than that, barring some unforeseen circumstance. He figures that that should satisfy the parents since "it's more than (my BIL) does." True, but my BIL has the luxury of living many states away rather than one state away. We shall see.

Tomorrow is back to the ol' grind. I had to do some research on Westlaw this evening for a motion response that I must draft before noon tomorrow; I couldn't access Westlaw from home and thus had not completed the research on NYE. [sigh] Ah well.

People continue to pop out of the woodwork on Facebook for me. It's kind of fun, actually.

Now that it's January, I intend to start sorting through the several boxes of crap I brought with me from my old place. I also want to organize the closets in my bathroom 'cause they're a mess and I can't find stuff. Oh, and start exercising more and eating more healthfully.

Right. So I'll just get crackin' on all that tomorrow, then.