Give me your opinion. . . .

As I've written before, MM and I have been considering the idea of getting a second dog for some time. I blogged about our plans to adopt Darius (which later fell through). We also made contact with a local Schnauzer rescue group before MM decided he didn't want to get a Schnauzer anymore. (Despite his staunchly maintaining the status of his childhood Schnauzer, "Samuel von Woofer" aka "Sammy Schnauzer" as "the best dog ever," MM has grown to love large dogs more since living with Sebastian.)

I have long wanted a second dog. . . . a second Golden, to be more precise. I've loved the breed for years, and after having my very own Golden for nearly seven years, I only love Goldens more now. So there has been no back and forth or true consideration on my part; MM is the one who hasn't been sure.

MM has at last come around to my way of thinking (LOL), and we have submitted an adoption application with Rescue a Golden of Arizona, the same organization through which I adopted Sebastian back in 2002. Tomorrow night I have a home visit from a member of the Golden Evaluation Team ("GET") to see if our home is a suitable environment for a Golden.

Once our home visit occurs and our home is approved (to me, a foregone conclusion, given that I know what they are looking for: mainly, no open pool that is accessible where the dog could drown, a fenced yard from which the Golden could not escape, and a doggy door), the next step will be for us to choose the dog we would like to adopt. (In regard to our home, I might also add that Sebastian has been living here safely and happily for seven months.) Once we choose the dog, we--MM, Sebastian, and I--will meet him in a neutral location. If all goes well with the meeting, after a 24-hour waiting period, we could adopt the dog.

MM and I have looked at the "Available Dogs" section of the RAG of AZ website and have narrowed our selection down to three dogs: Gavin (09-046), Buddy (09-050), or Greeley (09-071). All of the Goldens look absolutely adorable, and I would be up for adopting any of them. MM helped me narrow down our choices, though, by expressing a preference for a dog aged 1 to 3 years (not a puppy, but still young), a male (so we'll have "two boys"), and a dog who is housebroken.

I am having a really hard time choosing among the three dogs! Aside from the information available on the website (http://www.golden-retriever.org/available_dogs/list/), I only know a little something extra about Gavin. When I set up the home visit, I asked about him specifically because MMhad remarked on how cute his photo was. Apparently Gavin had a "meet and greet" with a family this weekend who decided that he was not for them because he is "too active." (Not sure what they were expecting from a year-old Golden, but anyway. . . . )

I plan to ask the GET member for more information about Buddy and Greeley tomorrow night. It might help to learn a little more about each dog and his history than is posted on the website. MM has said that he would like to meet all three dogs so that he could compare them to one another, but I'm not sure that RAG of AZ would permit this, and even if they would allow us to meet all three dogs before committing to one, they'd likely think we were a bit flaky. And logistically, it would be much more complicated to set up meetings with three different dogs in three different foster homes all over the Phoenix metro area. Another issue: one or more of the dogs might be adopted by someone else while we are debating among them.

Without having any more information than I've provided, though. . . . which Golden would you choose? Please leave me a comment and let me know. All opinions welcome!!

Meme Friday

You can do this, too, if you wish.

1. Join me in writing a lazy blog post!

2. Put a little spice in your day!

3. Happiness is elusive but wonderful.

4. Tired and confused.

5. I'm waiting for parenthood.

6. Chocolate is hard to resist.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to taking a nap; tomorrow my plans include lunch with KC and Sunday, I want to sleep in!

Negligence

This blog has been sadly neglected of late! I attribute this to the fact that work has been busy and I have had (another!) head cold since Saturday evening. Between feeling generally ICK and reserving my mental energy/concentration for work-related writing projects, there just isn't much left for the ol' blog.

MM and I had a nice Easter weekend. Saturday morning I got a haircut (taking a break from coloring because my hair is VERY dry); had acupuncture (as I do nearly every Saturday); and then met KC for sushi (yum!). It was a rainy, gray day. . . . very unusual for Phoenix! (I actually like days like that once in a while for variety.)

After sushi, KC and I went shopping at Lane Bryant; I needed a few new, spring things for work, and I had a coupon for LB, as well as a $50 Visa gift card from my birthday, thanks to my in-laws. I successfully found two pairs of slacks and four tops and also bought some lacy underwear because it was on sale. (I'm sure MM gets tired of seeing nothing but cotton hip huggers all the time, lol.) By the time I got home, I had only a short time to relax before MM and I headed out for C's son's baptism.

I very much enjoyed being godmother to C's little boy! My first time as a godmother. (Though I hear plans are being made for Rowan to be baptized when we visit in September.) The church was an Episcopal one, so the service was very much like the Catholic masses I am used to. Familiarity is always nice! The church looked especially lovely, being decorated for Easter with many fragrant lilies and other white flowers. MM kept giving me surreptitious eye rolls because the service lasted an hour-and-a-half, but that was to be expected. (MM hadn't been to church in many years.) Poor MM couldn't even sit by me because I had to sit near the other sponsor and the parents.

I really should post a few photos from the baptism. MM took a few cute ones of me with the baby after church. Will have to check with C and ask if she minds my posting her baby's photo on my blog. ;-)

Sunday I slept in (restless night due to coughing and congestion) and then just vegged out until going to my in-laws' around 2:30. We spent the afternoon/evening with them and were home by 8:00 and watched "Yes Man." (We enjoyed the movie but were glad we rented it instead of paying to see it in the theater.)

Had I not gotten sick, it really would have been a darn-near-perfect weekend. Ah well.

After watching Yes Man, MM decided that we needed to take a spontaneous trip somewhere. But MM being MM (and me being me), instead of actually taking a trip somewhere spontaneously, he told me that we are going to visit San Antonio the second weekend in May. (He's not much good at surprises.) MM has never been to San Antonio, and it's a city I've visited several times and really enjoy, so the trip should be fun!

Much to my relief, one of the partners with whom I work a lot ("T") settled a big case of ours last Friday. Not only was it a case that really needed to be settled from our client's perspective, it also was coming up for trial in June. . . . at the same time that another partner will be in trial on another case of mine. I was not looking forward to spending the next 6-8 weeks doing pre-trial preparation for two cases basically simultaneously--in addition to handling all of my regular work, including several new cases that will soon be entering discovery--so I was glad T settled his case.

While in Tucson for work last week, I got to visit M (the child in foster care with whom I've volunteered for the past 5+ years). M is going through yet another transition right now because she is getting to know a couple who interested in adopting her. I was glad to be able to get M's perspective on how things are going--I'm told that the "getting acquainted" is going splendidly from the parents' perspective--and learn that she likes them. There have been several visits between the parents and M now, and things seem to be going well. I am cautiously optimistic that, after over 4 years, 3 foster homes, and 4 other failed adoptions (though M only knew about one of those), she may finally have a found a permanent home.

I also got to stay with my friend (& old roommate) K while in Tucson, and it was great to catch up with her! We don't talk often, but it's always fun to see her. Gotta love being able to mix business with a little pleasure. . . .

Post and dash. . .

I *am* going to post my "crazy" incident from high school. Truly I am. It's just that work has been hella busy this week and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. SO glad that tomorrow is Friday!

Meanwhile, enjoy this li'l meme I found. . .

1. What was the last thing you ate? A green chile chicken tamale
2. I say the color purple, what do you think of? Barney the dinosaur
3. Lamps or ceiling lights? Both, but more ceiling lights.
4. What color rabbit is your favorite? White? I don't know!
5. Your car breaks down on a deserted road and your cell phone has no signal - what do you do? Start trying to flag down cars that pass while walking up the road in an attempt to get a better cell phone signal.
6. What is one thing most of your friends do online that you just can't understand the fascination and do not participate in? Actually, I'm more into online stuff than most of my friends. But I am not on Twitter.
7. What do you need right now? Sleep!
8. The most serious injury you've had was. . . . a deep laceration to my left index finger that required seven stitches to close.
9. What is the most evil thing you've ever done? I don't think I've done anything truly evil. I do feel bad about having gone off on various people in anger over the years, though. If you're reading this, I'm sorry (V, lol).
10. Give us some random fact about you. I attended college for 11 semesters and one summer session and earned 75% more credits than I needed to graduate. . . . all because I changed my major three times.

Why is that. . . .

I have over 50 blogs in my Google reader and have still had nothing to read for the past two hours?

Don't these bloggers know that I need something to read to relieve the monotony of my day? I can't look at work all day long!

Blog, people, blog!

Living life

216.8

Now that my sister called me out in the comments section of my last post, I am going to have to post about the incident that she referenced. I didn't have time to finish a post about it yesterday but hope to some time this week. I think when you read it you will agree that it qualifies as a pretty crazy thing to do.

Aside from being utterly appalled at my willingness to watch the scale creeping up, up, up with no apparent reaction or change in my behavior, I don't really have much to write about. Work is busy but good. Things with MM are good. No news is good news, I guess.

This Saturday I will be a godmother to my friend C's not-quite-3-month-old son. I'm excited! MM is even going to church with me for the event, a first for us!

Tomorrow after work I am driving to Tucson because I have a deposition there on Thursday morning. I will be staying with my friend K, who I haven't seen in a while, and visiting M, the little girl I volunteer with. So it'll be nice to see them and mix a little pleasure with business.

Oh, and I'm still taking my piano lessons, and I really like them! I can play several songs quite tunefully, though I still have a long way to go. And even though I enjoy playing, I still find it challenging to make myself set aside the time to sit down and practice. Yet another example of my lack of self-discipline. . . .

I'm just going through one of those relatively uneventful periods at the moment. I'm living life!

Lazy Friday meme post

216.2

Spending time on Facebook has gotten me to thinking back to high school more often, so I thought this meme might be fun.

1. Would you return to high school life for a week? Why or why not?
Not just no, but HELL NO. I hated high school.

2. Who were/are you in high school?
My high school really wasn't large enough to have true cliques a la John Hughes movies. But I was in band and drama and considered a brainy "good girl." I wasn't particularly popular but neither was I an outcast; I fell somewhere in the middle.

3. What was/is your favorite high school hangout? What did/do you do there?
Sonic Drive-In, simply because it was the only hangout in my hometown. People sat around and talked, played their music too loud, and made plans to meet at various parties at homes or (more often) at the nearby lake.

4. What were/are your favorite three songs in high school?
Hmmm, tough one. I loved music then just as I do now, so it's hard to narrow it down.
I'll say "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran, "Crazy for You" by Madonna, and "Head to Toe" by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam.

5. What was the craziest thing you did in high school?
Sadly, I never did anything really crazy in high school. I got drunk a few times and wasted a lot of time pining over guys who weren't worth my devotion. . . . but nothing out of the ordinary.

Blah

Today has been kind of a "blah" day. I had a hard time getting started this morning and, although I got a good, full night's sleep, have felt tired all day. I'm working on projects at work that aren't particularly engaging, which also doesn't help my energy level. And I decided to try a new Mexican restaurant for lunch, and my chicken burrito left me vaguely gassy. . . or maybe it was my high fiber breakfast cereal.

I am supposed to start my period today, and it hasn't arrived. I'm not tracking my cycles in any way these days except by reference to a calendar, so I don't think it's even fair to say that my period is "late." I feel no symptoms whatsoever--of impending period or of early pregnancy--and I have no reason to believe that I might be pregnant. (In fact, of all months, this past one was our worst yet in terms of timing.)

Guess I am just having an off day. I even worked out last night and had a nice, healthy salad with grilled chicken for dinner and ate a healthy breakfast of Kashi Go Lean Crunch and lowfat milk. Just goes to show that healthy habits don't necessarily guarantee good energy levels (though, of course, they help).

I would have headed home already and just called it a (mostly wasted) day, but for the facts that I have work to do and I am meeting my friend V for dinner after work. I've been looking forward to seeing V--it's been a couple of months, and she's gotten engaged since the last time we got together--but I'm just so blah today.

Positive news to report. . . . .

I bought some new running shoes over the weekend and tried them out at the gym for the first time last night. I am happy to say that after 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer, my right piriformis muscle is not bothering me today. I still notice that the right side is tighter than the left when I stretch after exercise, but the difference between the two sides is less than it was, and both are getting looser and easier to stretch out. I think the new shoes helped!

The weather here has been absolutely beautiful since we returned from NYC. Perfect days: sunny, just a puff or two of cloud, light-to-no breezes, high temps in the 70s. These are the days I will recall with fondness to remind me why I continue to live in Phoenix when it's 110+ outside. MM and I went hiking with Sebastian last Saturday to take advantage of the great weather, and it was so nice!

I finally--after multiple attempts over the past six months or so--made (brief) contact today with my first cousin in Ireland! With the time difference and some issues going on with her house that meant that she and her family had to temporarily relocate (long story), I hadn't been able to reach her on the phone since early last fall. It had gotten to the point where my sister, my parents and I were getting concerned. So it was great to hear her voice today, and I'm looking forward to catching up on all her news when she calls me back on Saturday.

Two friends had baby girls this week. One is a former coworker of mine who is better friends (and still works) with my best friend KC; the other is the girl I used to babysit (yeah, she's nearly 26 now) whose mother has known me since childhood and whose half-sister is a friend of mine since high school. "Mackenzie" and "Camille" and their moms are all doing well.

MM and I are both mad planners; spontaneity is mostly a foreign concept to us. True to form, I have already been doing some research and planning about our anticipated trip to DC in the fall. As we did last trip in July '08, we intend to spend a portion of the trip with my sister and her family and a portion playing tourist. To be fair, we both want to see the White House this trip, and tickets to do so must be obtained about six months in advance. . . . so I'm not totally "jumping the gun" on this one, as I am wont to do.

That's pretty much all the current events here. Oh, one other little update: we won't be adopting Darius the German Shepherd after all. His current owner has decided to give him to the Phoenix Police Department, and he is going to become a canine officer. Exciting for him, but sad for us. In light of this development, MM has once again concluded that perhaps a second dog is not a good idea at the moment. Stay tuned.

Seven Deadly Sins

No real surprises here except the "low" score on wrath. Maybe I *am* making some progress in learning to control my temper. . .

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Very Low

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Aging

218.0 (ugh)

Age is a strange thing. As I've mentioned, this past Saturday was my 38th birthday. It just so happens that one of the filing clerks at our firm turned 18 the day after I turned 38. It's weird to think that I am 20 years (and one day) older than her! And it got me thinking about what *I* was like when I turned 18.

You hear people say that they feel the same as they did 20 years ago. I can't say that. In fact, in most ways, I feel better. When I was 18, I was still getting to know myself. I may have seemed fairly confident to people who knew me then, but although I had high self-esteem, I didn't always have a lot of confidence. Fear held me back from doing a lot of things that I'd do today almost without hesitation, and I spent a lot of time dwelling on things that were outside my control. I also had a penchant for picking horrible men with whom to get involved in those days. Money was a constant issue and worry for me at that age, too. I was a college student with a low-paying, part-time job and next to no parental support.

It's obvious that I'm better off financially now than I was then. (Or actually, at any other time in my life.) From a mental health perspective, I believe I am also much better off today than I was when I turned 18. Sure, I had good things in my life then and would have considered myself a generally happy person. Now I am just so much more comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. I am aware of my faults and my strengths. I accept who I am and do what I can to maximize my strengths and work on my flaws.

One constant? I struggled with my weight then, too. Though I probably weighed between 165 and 170, I thought I was a huge cow. Ah, what I wouldn't give to be that weight today! ;-)

Though I think I am generally better off at 38 than I was at 18, I acknowledge that I definitely notice differences in myself that are not so positive. Gray hairs. Lines on my face. Blotchy skin where it used to be smooth and clear. (Believe it or not, I never wore foundation at 18: I didn't need it.) My knees ache now when I exercise (though that's probably due to weight gain as much as it is to aging). It's harder to lose weight. I can't stay up as late as I could then. I can't drink like I could then. I get heartburn now if I eat certain foods.

All in all, I will say this honestly: But for the effect that my age has on my fertility, I would much rather be 38 than be 18 again.

Puzzled

217.6

Remember my writing a few months ago about a friend of mine ("D") who never acknowledged my wedding?

I wrote about my intention to put her on "indefinite ignore," and I've followed through with that plan. I haven't spoken to her since the week before we left for Maui--over four months now--whereas prior to this I'd never gone more than two weeks without talking to her in about 15 years. Her 40th birthday was January 12th, and I didn't even send her a card. I also didn't acknowledge her son's 9th birthday on February 1st (before I used to send each of her three sons a birthday card) or her first wedding anniversary on February 15th (even though I sent her an anniversary card every year that she was married to her first husband).

Her only contact with me was a text message sent two days after her birthday saying "how have you been?" I followed someone's suggestion and responded with a snarky "enjoying married life" response and had heard nothing from her since.

Until I got the mail on Monday evening and found that she had sent me a birthday card. The card itself was pretty generic, and the handwritten note inside was what one might write to any friend with whom one hasn't spoken in a while. Still no mention made of my marriage, and I kept my maiden name, so I didn't even have the satisfaction of seeing the small acknowledgement that seeing MM's surname after my first name on the envelope might have been.

I'm totally puzzled by this. To me, if a friend went from weekly contact to zero phone calls in four months and stopped commemorating my birthday and anniversary--when previously cards on those occasions had been the norm--it would be patently obvious to me that the friend was pissed off. I might not immediately know WHY she was angry, but I'd know for sure that something was up

Apparently D doesn't get it. My mom theorized that she *does* get that I'm mad and is trying to make up. . . but I don't think so. Wouldn't a logical first step in making up with an angry friend be to find out why she is angry with you and apologize or atone for that behavior? That step is completely lacking in this situation.

Mom also thinks that perhaps D thinks that my lack of contact is due to my marriage, but that makes no sense to me either. I've never been one of those women who ignores my female friends when I'm in a relationship. . . a fact that you think someone who had known me for over 20 years would know. Also, even if a newly-married friend might talk to you less often, surely no one would assume that she'd stop talking to you at all.

Anyhoo. I don't feel that her card requires any response on my part. Just curious about what might be in her mind.

NYC

Our trip started out with a very late arrival at Newark airport. The gate agent in Phoenix made me check my bag because it was a half-inch over their height limit, so we were further delayed waiting for my bag to come out on the baggage claim carousel. (It took FOREVER at nearly midnight.)

Bags finally in hand, we had to take the air train to the rail station and then the rail into Manhattan to Penn Station. From Penn Station, we took a cab to our hotel on the upper west side. Needless to say, it was quite late by the time we reached the hotel. MM didn't eat on the plane--didn't like their (limited) options--so we hit an all-night diner which was actually super cute and quite yummy.

Despite our late arrival, we were up bright and early on Thursday for our tour of Manhattan. MM booked a 5+ hour tour for us because it was his first-ever visit to NYC, and he didn't want to miss any of the highlights.

The tour was fun for me, too. Even though I've visited NYC lots of times, I hadn't done many of the typical tourist things there. My parents met and married in NYC and were living in Queens when I was born. Over the years after we moved to the Southwest, when we went back to visit NYC, it was generally to visit friends and family, not to sightsee. My sister and I paid Manhattan a long weekend visit in the fall of '99 and saw Les Miserables on Broadway, shopped on Fifth Avenue, walked through Central Park and around Rockefeller Plaza, and visited Chinatown and Little Italy. . . but aside from that, I'd never really played tourist there.

Our tour really give us a quick and fairly comprehensive overview of Manhattan. Our guide was very knowledgeable and pleasant; he'd lived his whole life in Queens. MM's favorite stop on the trip was Rockefeller Plaza:



The only slight downside of the tour was that it was overcast throughout and rained some during the day. Oh well; you can't control the weather. It didn't interfere with our enjoyment but did make it harder for me to get good photos of what we saw.

As luck would have it, we finished with our tour right before my sister V and company arrived at the condo in Hoboken. My BIL works for a large luxury home builder who routinely retains ownership of a unit (be it house or condo) in the communities it builds for use by its employees. For a nominal fee, my BIL can rent one of these "guesthouses" in any city where his employer has built a development.

The unit we stayed in was on the 10th floor of the building. We learned during our stay that NY Giants quarterback Eli Manning owns a 3000-square-foot unit on the top (12th) floor.

MM and I took the ferry from Pier 79 in Manhattan (just up the street from the famous Chelsea Piers) and then walked the three short blocks to the condo. The views from the waterfront windows--which basically took up an entire wall of the unit--were spectacular!







My nephew Rowan had no clue who we were at first but was happy to see us nonetheless. He had changed SO much since we saw him just before Thanksgiving! He recently got his first big boy haircut and is a couple of inches taller. . . . but the real changes were in his language skills and his attitude. He is now talking in complete sentences and is a typical two-year-old in that he wants to do anything you don't want him to do and nothing that you do want him to do.

V was apologetic that the second bedroom ended up having two twin beds instead of a queen. Little did she know that this would be a major plus to MM: there are few things he likes better than having the bed all to himself. The only thing that could've been better would have been a full-sized bed all to himself.

I awoke Friday to snow flurries! I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually seen snow falling. The flurries were so thick that the view of the Manhattan skyline was obscured. The snow didn't stick, though, and stopped completely before 11:00 a.m. MM slept in on Friday (he'd only slept about an hour the first night) and later we took the ferry back into the city and met V and family at the Top of the Rock observatory deck. The views from there were simply spectacular. A sample:



When Rowan had a meltdown, my BIL decided that he needed to go back to the condo for the afternoon. (I'm not entirely sure that this wasn't a convenient excuse for BIL to watch the NCAA basketball tournament in comfort. . . ) MM and I then spent the rest of the afternoon/evening walking around Times Square, save for an hour or so spent in the ESPN Zone. (A mecca for MM at any time, and particularly so during "the Big Dance.") Everywhere we went was packed with people, as might be expected.

I took the following photo because MM is a HUGE Will Farrell fan:



This fellow would allow you to pose with him for a photo if you gave him a couple of bucks; I took his photo for free. Note the animal-print fedora and sequined man-bag. I dubbed him "Pimp Elmo."



Friday night we had dinner and drinks in Hoboken with a (very entertaining) college friend of V's. MM didn't mind because both the establishments we visited had TV sets featuring NCAA basketball games.

The five of us got up early-ish again on Saturday to visit Ellis Island. Rowan graced us with this wonderful pose shortly after our arrival there:



Visiting a museum with a two-year-old was a challenge. Rowan thought that the rails around the exhibits were provided as handholds to aid his climbing onto the exhibit platforms. Needless to say, he spent a lot of time with his daddy and/or in the stroller.

V and family headed home for naptime after Ellis Island, and MM and I continued on to Liberty Island to see the statue. We both feel it is a total rip-off that you can no longer go up into the crown.



After taking the wrong ferry from Liberty Island and ending up in Battery Park (rather than in NJ, where we started), MM took a cab to Pier 79 and another ferry back to NJ to rest for a few hours and spend time with the family. We returned to Manhattan in the evening for a New York Rangers hockey game at "the famous" Madison Square Garden:



The game was fun: the fans got really into the game, our seats were excellent, and the Rangers won, 5-3.

Sunday we just relaxed and hung out with the family until it was time to go to the airport.

We packed a lot into just three days! One small regret of MM's was that we didn't get to spend more time in Central Park; we briefly visited Strawberry Fields and rode through the park on our tour, but didn't have time to wander through the park or take a horse-drawn carriage ride. I wished I could have seen more of V and Rowan, but my BIL's decision to return to the condo in the early afternoon on both Friday and Saturday--ostensibly so that Rowan could nap--limited my time with both of them. Also, I would've liked to have eaten at some awesome NYC restaurants. Most of our meals were quick, on-the-run affairs.

But that's OK. We still had a great time, and we certainly did a lot more than we missed!

Back

218.8 (Oh.My.God)

Just a quick post to say that I am back from our trip to NYC and back at work today. I will write a longer post this evening with a recap of our trip (which, I will say in brief, was awesome).

I was absolutely horrified by this morning's weight. Yes, the scale has been slowly creeping upward over the past few weeks, but today's number is quite close to 220. . . a number I've not often seen over the past several years. (Though it's not unprecedented for me: I was as heavy as 225 in 1998 and up to almost 235 around the time of my breakup with SL in 2007.)

Today I have been pounding down the water like it's going out of style--I'm starting on my third liter now, and it's 3:00 here--and have eaten healthfully thus far. Dinner will be a bit of a challenge because I don't really have any food in the house--having been gone the past five days--and it's always a challenge to find a healthier option when not preparing your own meal. I'm contemplating a salad with chicken from a restaurant not far from our house.

I brought my gym clothes to work and will be heading straight to the gym when I leave the office this evening. I am actually really looking forward to a workout: though MM and I did a lot of walking while in NYC, I only worked out once during our trip, and I had to cut that short 'cause my underwear kept falling down while I was on the treadmill. LOL

As I do after any time away from my usual routine, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings going through my mind. All good stuff, though. I came home as contented with my life as ever. . . . which is a good thing and not always the way I've felt after coming home from a vacation. ;-)

Stay tuned for some NYC and Rowan photos. . . .

No news is good news, right?

I realized this evening that I haven't written an entry since Friday! I try to be a bit more diligent in keeping up with the blog than that. Sorry to anyone who cares. ;-)

Life is good, just a little hectic. My weekend was good: we had dinner with friends of MM's on Friday night, followed by some karaoke; Saturday was spent mostly at the Renaissance Festival with C and her man W (fun!) and watching Milk in the evening; Sunday was catch-up on all my long-neglected household chores and watching Rachel Getting Married in the evening after dinner at The Keg (one of MM's new favorite restaurants).

I have been very nose-to-the-grindstone at work the past two days because I am leaving work early tomorrow and taking Thursday and Friday completely off so that we can GO TO NEW YORK! Well, technically we are flying into Newark and staying in Hoboken. . . . but somehow saying "We're going to New Jersey!" just doesn't sound as exciting. Plus we plan to spend the majority of our leisure time over the four-day weekend in Manhattan, so we really are going there to visit NYC, not Jersey.

I can hardly wait to see my nephew Rowan! My BIL had him sing me "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on Friday on the phone, and it was about the cutest thing evah. I'm going to take many, many photos of him and give him lots of hugs and kisses!! Of course, I'm also looking forward to seeing my sister and even my BIL, I must admit. The sight-seeing and other stuff we have planned should be lots of fun, too.

It's my usual bedtime (I know, I'm lame), and I still need to finish packing before I can hit the hay. I'm waiting up for MM for another half hour anyway; he's been out celebrating St. Paddy's Day with one of his buddies.

Oh, and I'm loving my piano lessons! I was in such a joyful mood this evening after my lesson!

I will return with lots of pictures of sights and the little dude! Have a great rest of the week and weekend!

Lovin' life

I am in a very good mood today. The sun is shining (well, ok, that's true over 300 days a year here), I slept well and awoke refreshed, and even though it's Friday the 13th, things are going my way.

MM and I found out yesterday that we are getting over $7500 back on our federal and state income taxes! Seems that because we were both single and withholding at the highest allowable rate throughout the year, we overpaid big time.

We are being responsible with our refund: we are planning to spend a small portion of it on our NYC trip next week but are also putting some into long-term savings (we're trying to build that "6 months' living expenses" experts say we should all have saved), paying off some debt (mine), and setting some aside for expenses that we know we will be incurring in the next few months.

It is really nice to have a little unexpected inflow of cash. Sure, we should probably adjust our withholding so that we get a little more each paycheck. . . but getting the lump sum in the spring is nicer in a way.

When I first logged on to my work email this morning, I learned that a motion for summary judgment that I filed nearly seven months ago was finally ruled upon and granted! No more delays! The federal magistrate had previously granted the prisoner plaintiff three extensions of time to respond, and yet he had never filed anything. As the associate on the case, it was most frustrating for me because I had to monitor the file, respond to all of the plaintiff's extension requests, and periodically file motions asking the court to rule on our motion. . . in addition to having written the original motion for summary judgment.

The best part of all is that the fact that the motion for summary judgment was granted means the case is over!! I am really glad to get it off my case list. (Now if I could just achieve the same outcome in two other self-represented prisoner cases in which I've filed motions for summary judgment. . .

Though work has been pretty much status quo, I have had a pretty productive week. Things are picking up for me also, and I'm glad. In January and February, I had so little work that I was not only bored but mildly concerned about my job security. I'd communicated to the partners that I wasn't busy enough, and more cases were assigned to me. As usual, it took several weeks for me to see the effects of that, but now I'm finally getting more work.

I always feel better about my job when I feel that I'm actually contributing something to the firm and helping the clients. And I love getting out of the office for depositions and meetings: a nice break from the reading, writing, and researching that is usually the majority of my time.

I am looking forward to going to the Renaissance Faire tomorrow! I've wanted to go for several years, and I'm finally getting to do it. It'll also be fun to see my friend C, who we are meeting there with her boyfriend who I have not yet met.

MM says he is not looking forward to the Ren Faire but he's "not dreading it." LOL. He is only going because I want to go; what a good husband. Bless his tolerance!

I've still been finding old friends on Facebook, too. I didn't really realize how many people I've known over the years! (Guess it's partly a function of having moved around so much as an adult.) It's fun how learning where people are now and reminiscing about the past. It does make me feel a little old at times. . . . but hey, I *will* be 38 next Saturday! ;-)

We are still hoping to adopt Darius. He was bitten by another dog about 2 weeks ago and is still recovering from his wounds. (He had two large, open wounds on his right hip that had to have drains; the photos his current owner sent looked awful!) We will have to wait until we return from our trip to introduce the boys but have tentatively scheduled a get-together for the week after we return.

Oh, and of course I am excited to visit NYC and see my sister and the irrepressible Rowan next week! Should be a great trip.

Back to billing. . .

I wanna wake up in a city that doesn't sleep. . .

215.8 (bleh)

I liked my St. Paddy's Day template and had planned to keep it up through at least the 17th. . . but I've changed to "I heart puppies" at my sister's request because she said the green/orange combo was "making [her] eyes bleed."

Not too much new going on here. We are going to the Renaissance Fair on Saturday, so I will be sure to bring my camera and capture some of the (no doubt) interesting sights there.

This time next week, we will be on a bus tour of NYC! I can't wait! We're excited about our trip: MM has never visited Manhattan, and it's been nearly ten years since I've been there. And of course, I am looking forward to seeing my sister V and Rowan!

Work is status quo. My blog is going through a boring phase. . . .

Our last Coyotes game of the season

First, let me say thanks so much for all the comments on my previous post about Sebastian! I wanted to email each commenter personally, but a few of you (Jenn, Michella, Flying Monkeys) have your blogger accounts set up so that I can't email you back.

Anyway, I certainly appreciate the support, and I sincerely hope that Sebastian manages to live a long time despite his diagnosis. The more time I've had to digest the news, the more I've realized that it's not necessarily a "death sentence" for him--he doesn't have terminal cancer or something--and he may be able to live quite a while even with this problem. Time will tell.

While the NHL hockey season is not yet over, all chance of the Phoenix Coyotes going to the playoffs is gone. So the game MM and I went to last Saturday will be our last for this season. (Sadly, we attended five games together this season, and the team lost four of them. And played horribly for three of those four losses.)

Technically last Saturday's game won't be our last NHL game of the season because we are going to watch the Rangers play at Madison Square Garden on the 21st. But we won't be attending any more Coyotes games this year.

One of MM's favorite part of the games is the "donnybrooks," as he calls them. Anyone who watches hockey at all knows that there are a lot of fights, especially between teams with a history of rivalry or in close games. My dad often repeated this old joke: "I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out." When your team is playing poorly and losing, sometimes the fights are the most entertaining part of the game.

Here are a few photos from the game; we played the St. Louis Blues, in case anyone is interested.

Pre-game stuff












MM posing in our seats













Play in progress









The best fight of the night, toward the end of the third period (can't remember who the combatants were, but as you can see, the officials had to move the goal net out of the way for them).

Bad news at the vet

Sebastian went in for his annual physical and shots today. While examining him, his vet (Dr. Clark) discovered that he has a leaking mitral valve.

Dr. Clark said that, as these leaks go, Sebastian's is mild--currently a 1 on a 1-5 scale--but that this type of heart disease is progressive. We had already noticed some decreased activity tolerance (which we had attributed to age; he was 7 in October) which we now know is related to this problem. Dr. Clark told us to be on the lookout for any type of mild wheeze or cough with excitement or activity. When Sebastian starts to display these symptoms, he will have to go on medication.

Dr. Clark said that he "doesn't think this will shorten his life span," but the normal life expectancy for a Golden Retriever is 10-12 years. . . . so even if Sebastian only lives another two-and-a-half years, a vet would probably consider his life span "normal." Because I have gone to great pains throughout his life to keep Sebastian slim and healthy--many people have told me that he's one of the skinniest Goldens they've seen--I had long hoped that he would be an exception to the normal life span range and live to 14 or 15. Some Goldens do; I'd hoped Sebastian would be one of them.

I'm sad. I actually cried when we left the vet's office. . . not just a tear or two, but really cried. (Freaked MM out a little, I think, because he's never seen me cry before, beyond just tearing up a bit a few times.)

I know this news isn't a "death sentence" for Sebastian. But it's a reminder for me that he is not going to be around forever. . . . and maybe not even for as many years as I thought.

You might think. . . .

that Sebastian would enjoy having me work from home for the morning.

But you'd be wrong.

No, he seemed decidedly perplexed and inconvenienced by my presence at home. By 11:00 a.m., he'd elected to go about his day as usual and settle in on his Orvis Deluxe Comfort Couch.

For much for my thinking that my boy is lonely without me. . .

Bitter, party of one

OK, one more thing. In the records and documents I am reviewing, the (baby) plaintiff's mother is, understandably, frequently referenced. Mom is a 24-year-old Mexican national living illegally in this country. She has an 8th grade education (all courtesy of American public schools).

Normally I could care less what someone's legal status or education level is. I'm really not one to get up in arms about people who come to live here without proper documentation. But I find myself offended by this woman because she is unmarried and has four children (including the plaintiff).

Four children. By age 24. And here I sit at age almost-38--educated, employed, married--with none.

Yeah, I'd say I'm getting bitter.

Have a sparkling day!

215.2 (ugh)

My last three days at work have been largely occupied with reviewing a foot-tall stack of medical records and related documents. Some of the documents are emails exchanged between various parties and treaters, including doctors, nurses and therapists. One of the therapists consistently signs off her emails with the sentence in my subject line.

Just wondering (1) what the hell *is* a "sparkling day" and how does one have one? and (2) if anyone else thinks that this is an unprofessional sign-off for email? If I read this in a personal email, I'd think it was a bit cheesy; reading it in a professional email seems wholly inappropriate to me.

Thoughts? Maybe I'm just a grouchy bitch who is sick of document review? LOL

Why is it that. . .

every time I decide I am going to start eating more healthfully, I'm suddenly hungrier than usual? This despite having eaten the same breakfast I eat probably 4-5 days a week: instant oatmeal.

And I'm talking actual, physical hunger here. . . . that unpleasant nagging gnawing in my stomach. I'm not even complaining about my psychological longing for less-healthful foods.

[sigh]

10 Things I Love About Living in Phoenix

214.4 (bleh)

1. The winter weather: it's sunny, usually in the 65-80 range, and rarely rains.
2. I can see beautiful mountains no matter where I drive in the city (& surrounding areas).
3. Lots of nearby hiking opportunities.
4. Restaurants I love that you can't find everywhere, like In N Out Burger, My Florist Cafe, Oregano's.
5. The freeway that makes up the majority of my route to and from work every day is beautifully landscaped and kept very clean.
6. Our sports teams: Coyotes (NHL), Diamondbacks (MLB), Suns (NBA), Cardinals (NFL), and the ability to go to their games.
7. Baseball spring training: lots of major league teams do spring training here and in the nearby suburbs.
8. So many awesome resorts!
9. Easy to get around.
10. I can fly non-stop to most major U.S. cities from our airport.

A "little brother" for Sebastian?

Ever since I've Sebastian has lived with me, I have wanted to get a companion for him. When I was in law school and we lived with my friend K, her Dalmatian Dickens was Sebastian's best friend; they loved each other. I always thought that once I bought a house I would get a second dog.

When my relationship with MM first started getting serious, we weren't even sure that he'd be able to live with Sebastian due to his allergies. With the help of Flonase and Zyrtec (plus the Advair he already took daily), MM has been able to live with Sebastian and be relatively symptom-free (95%, in his words). MM has been reluctant, however, to let me get a second dog.

Recently an email went out in my office about a dog needing a home. Because I work with a lot of dog lovers, these emails appear in my inbox at least once every couple of weeks. When MM saw the photos of this particular dog, though, he agreed that we could look into adopting him.

Apparently my husband loves German Shepherds. Who knew? I thought he only liked Schnauzers and bulldogs.

The dog's name is Darius, and he is a two-year-old, 98-pound, purebred German Shepherd. His "mom" is moving to Guatemala to build houses with Habitat for Humanity for three years and cannot take him with her. He has been trained, neutered, and obviously well cared-for.

MM and I have been jokingly asking Sebastian for a week if he wants a little brother. He, of course, has no clue what we're talking about.

We met Darius face-to-face for the first time Friday over lunch. He was fetching the ball at his neighborhood park, one of his favorite pasttimes. He was extremely focused and very fast.

Darius is from a Czech line of German Shepherds, many of whom have been trained as police dogs. He likes to work. He seems like a very sweet and smart dog, though with a very different personality from Sebastian's. (Sebastian has never focused on anything but food or petting.)

We are taking things slowly. I think Darius's "mom" wanted to meet and assess us first before introducing the dogs. . . which I think is fine and shows her love for her dog. The next step will be allowing the two dogs to meet in a neutral location, and we plan to do that within the next week. If they get along, we will then bring Darius to stay at our house for a few days and see (1) how he gets along with Sebastian and (2) whether MM's allergies can tolerate the second dog in the home. Twice the dogs means twice the hair and dander, and the texture of Darius's coat is quite different from Sebastian's.

So we'll see. I am cautiously optimistic.

Who likes his doggy door?

Before we bought our doggy door, MM wondered if Sebastian would ever use it. I assured him that Sebastian loves being outside, so long as he knows he can come back in whenever he wants.

Here is evidence that I was right: the boy sunning himself on our patio while I was getting ready for work one recent morning.

Positivity

The tone of my blog has been decidedly negative the past few entries. Although I suppose this is understandable, given that I've been feeling crappy, it's totally unnecessary, and I want to turn it around.

So I decided that today I would blog about some of the many things in my life for which I am grateful. (In that same spirit of positivity, I am not posting my weight today because it was scary high and I would then feel the need to post possible explanations for this fact. . . which would potentially lead to some negativity. lol)

**I am grateful for my general good health. Since becoming active on Facebook, I have become reacquainted with lots of people from my past. Two of the women who are "friends" are living with chronic diseases for which there are no known cures. (I know one of these friends personally; the other is the half-sister of a friend of mine, knows my sister and went to my high school four years after me.)

Knowing two people close to my own age who are struggling with their health makes me really stop and think about how fortunate I am. Neither of these women did anything to cause their illnesses; they were just unlucky. Much as I've bitched since I've had this cold, it's nothing compared to what they live with every day.

**I am grateful for my husband. When I was 20 years old, I made a "bucket list." (I called it "Things to Do Before I Die.") I still have the list and review it occasionally to see what I've accomplished on the list. One of the items on my list was "Marry a man who truly loves and respects me." I have certainly accomplished that with MM.

MM does more than his fair share of the household chores. He provides a lot of stability for someone like me who struggles with routine because he is extremely routine-oriented. He supports all my interests and activities. And best of all, he makes me laugh nearly every day. I am very lucky to have found him.

**I am grateful for the typical American life I lead. Every "complaint" I have is a "first world" concern. I don't have to worry about a place to sleep, food to eat, clean water to drink, or my safety. It's easy to forget that the majority of the world doesn't live like this.

Girl and horse

Case of the Mondays

(don't know my weight: haven't weighed in 3 days)

I am mostly over my cold but have some lingering nasal congestion and just cannot shake my cough. It wouldn't be so bad if it were merely an annoying, occasional hack, but I have a tendency to go into a bronchospasm when I cough, especially if I happen to be lying down at the time. Thus my coughing continues to wake me up at night, and it's hard to feel good when you're not getting a good night's sleep. (Yeah, I have friends with newborns who are probably thinking "tell me about it!")

Nearly my whole day yesterday was taken up with a trip to Tucson. M, the little girl for whom I am a CASA through the juvenile court, turned 9 yesterday, so naturally I wanted to take her out for her birthday. I first met M just before her 4th birthday, so our relationship is a long one, especially by the standards of a legally-orphaned 9-year-old in foster care.

M's first choice for her birthday was a trip to Club Libby Lu to have her hair and makeup done. Because Club Libby Lu closed all its North American locations on January 31, I had to come up with a Plan B. M also loves horses, so I had the idea that getting to groom a horse might be a good alternative. (When she was much younger, she would often go to the stables to pet and feed horses with her grandparents.)

Lucky for me, my friend K lives in Tucson, owns a horse, and was willing to let M interact with the lovely 5-year-old "Buttercup." Although M quickly grew bored with brushing Buttercup, she did enjoy it and also enjoyed seeing her and all the other horses at the stable. I let her use my digital camera to photograph the horses, and I think she took 40-50 shots of the various horses there. (I'll have to post a sampling once I get them uploaded from my camera.)

After our trip to the stable, I took M to Chuck E. Cheese's for a while. The place was packed to the gills; we had to wait a while just to get in, and then every available table was occupied. The pizza was icky as usual and, as usual, M ate only one piece. . . . leaving me to wonder (not for the first time) why I even bothered getting a pizza. M (and I) won enough tickets for her to get a few small prizes, and she was happy with her outing.

I was glad to do what I could to give M a happy birthday. She liked her presents from me and had fun. (I got her a stuffed puppy that looks like a Golden but is actually a yellow Lab which she named "Sebastian, Jr." and the first book in the Twilight series.) I dropped her off in time for the family party her foster parents had planned for her. I could see that there were other gifts there for M and a delicious chocolate cake, so I think overall she had a pretty good day.

I returned home exhausted. I hadn't had a good night's sleep (coughing); forgot sunscreen and got a little sunburn from being at the stable; an hour at Chuck E. Cheese's is enough to raise any adult's blood pressure; and there was heavy traffic on the road back to Phoenix. (Did I forget to mention that it is a 5-hour round trip from my house to M's?)

Needless to say, after the day I had yesterday and another poor night's sleep, I didn't exactly wake up "rarin' to go" today. I dragged my lazy a$$ into work around 10:30 and have been sorta kinda working since then.

After working out a lot for a while there--26 out of 30 days, remember?--I now have only exercised ONCE since the 11th. And that was a session in the pool at the gym, not as vigorous as my usual sessions. I am more than a little annoyed that my relatively successful 30-day exercise challenge ended up being followed by nearly two weeks of basically forced inactivity, between the issues with my hip and this awful cold. (On the plus side, I haven't had any hip pain or noticable tightness for over a week.)


I desperately need to get back to the gym and plan to start tonight! I have my gym bag packed and plan to meet MM at the gym at 6:45 tonight. Not quite sure how this is going to go with my cough, but I have an inhaler and will scale back the intensity of my workout if necessary. Surely I can make it through 30 minutes on the treadmill, even with my cough, as long as I don't overdo it. Hell, I'll walk 3 miles per hour if I have to; at least it's exercise.

AND I need to start my 30-day fruit & veggie challenge. Maybe I will shoot to start on Wednesday. It's the first day of Lent, so that could be good.

Tired of being sick!

213 (meh)

I haven't blogged the past couple of days because I've had nothing new to share. I continue to fight this cold which yesterday moved into my lungs also. It's really great having a cough deep in my chest and hocking up green phlegm--NOT. I am a horrible, horrible patient and have no patience or tolerance whatsoever for being sick.

Oh, and I learned this week that deep tissue massage is contraindicated when you're ill. Who knew? So I had to cancel Tuesday night's massage and will have to reschedule.

Last night I had the first decent night's sleep I've had since I got this cold, so I'm optimistic that perhaps I've turned a corner and will now start improving. My head congestion seems slightly less today, too. So we'll see.

I haven't worked out all week, and I've missed it. I simply have not had the energy. All pain in my right hip/buttock is gone, so that's a plus. Maybe a week or so of forced inactivity was just what my piriformis muscle needed to get back to normal.

Feeling like ass, I also haven't felt much like eating. It's been great for Sebastian because I'm not even finishing the small, simple meals I've fixed for myself, leaving lots of leftovers for him. Because I've had zero energy, I didn't start my nine-servings-a-day of fruits/veggies thing; just couldn't put forth the effort to prepare them.

MM has done the best thing that can be done for me when I'm sick, which is basically just to leave me alone. I've slept in the guest room the past three nights because my tossing & turning and snoring were keeping him awake.

Although I'm still not 100%, I'm at work today because I am preparing to take three depositions tomorrow, as well as completing various small assignments that I need to get done. Thank goodness I'm not really that busy at work at the moment; my concentration level is decidedly below its usual.

MM has been wanting to go out to eat the past few nights. I hope I am feeling well enough this evening to accomodate his desire.

I feel icky

213.4

I am feeling decidedly sub-par today. The head cold that started as a scratchy throat on Sunday evening has now fully developed. I didn't sleep much last night because my congestion made it hard to find a comfortable position that allowed me to breathe. Ugh.

On the plus side. . . . my right piriformis muscle is doing much better. I swam laps on Sunday for exercise because I am still avoiding walking, jogging, and the elliptical trainer. I drove to Tucson and back yesterday for a deposition--five hours sitting for the drive alone, not including the 2+ hours in the deposition--and had only an occasional mild twinge. A far cry from the red hot poker of pain I'd been having. I am optimistic that by early next week I can resume the elliptical trainer and walking (I'll probably avoid jogging because I think that caused a big part of the problem in the first place).

I have a massage scheduled for this evening. I have the usual tightness in my neck and upper back and am going to also ask the therapist to work on my right piriformis and the surrounding area. Lying on my stomach for the massage with this head congestion should be a real joy--NOT.

We did have a nice weekend. Friday night we had dinner and drinks with some friends of MM's, and that was fun. Saturday night we had dinner at my in-laws because one of my MIL's cousins and her family were in town from North Dakota. After dinner, we went to a hockey game. Sunday we did nothing except the usual household chores, but it was actually kind of nice to have anything else going on.

MM sent me a dozen red roses for Valentine's Day and also bought me a sapphire necklace. What a good husband! He was happy with the CDs I got him and didn't feel bad that his gifts to me were much more expensive. ;-)

Gotta try to get some shizz done. . .

Self-Love Day 2009

I'm posting this blog entry in honor of self-love day 2009. Here's how it works: I'm going to share something that I love about myself and ask anyone reading this blog entry to share something you love about me, too.

What do I love about me? I have to admit that I have a pretty healthy self-esteem, so while I realize that I'm far from perfect--hell, most of this blog is about my imperfections and struggles--I also don't find it hard to name something I love about myself.

I love that I am intelligent. No matter what career path one chooses, having a little bit more smarts than the next guy is always a plus. Over the (many) years I was a student, my native intelligence has allowed me to spend countless hours surfing the 'net, reading, and just generally chillin' while others studied. ;-)

In contrast to my entries for the past two self-love days, when I posted about qualities that I have cultivated in myself (self-awareness and being a good friend), the fact that I am intelligent is through no fault of my own. Nope, just a God-given gift. And boy am I fortunate.

87%

215.4 (ugh)

Yesterday was the last day of my 30-day exercise challenge, and I fell a little short of my goal. I will say, though, that my decision not to exercise yesterday was not made out of laziness. I really wanted to work out, but made a conscious choice not to due to the issue I'm having with my right hip/buttock. It stinks.

Although I'd really hoped to achieve 100% compliance, 26 days out of 30 is about 87% or an average of about six days a week. I'm pretty proud of that.

Not sure why the scale is up again. I had KFC for dinner, which I imagine is quite high in sodium, so perhaps that's why.

When I looked back on my entry for this same time last year, I realized that I'm about 10-12 lbs heavier now than I was then. Bummer!

Not much else to share. I aim to start my 30-day challenge for eating nine servings and fruits and vegetables a day next Tuesday.

In short

214.4 (late dinner)

I'm too lazy to write a full-fledged entry for today, so bullet points it is. (Yeah, I know they're actually asterisks; bullet points didn't show up in the post for some unknown reason. . . )

**I got to visit my friend C's four-week-old baby last night. I was amazed how much he'd grown in just the little over two weeks since I last saw him. He is very cute and a good baby.

**My "30 days of exercise" challenge ends today. Assuming I exercise tonight, I will have worked out 27 of the last 30 days. And even if I skip tonight, I've already exercised 26 of the past 30 days. Not too shabby!

**My 30-day exercise challenge has left me with some discomfort beyond just the expected sore muscles. Because I always walk, walk/jog, or do the elliptical trainer, I have not always been diligent about stretching, and I probably need new shoes, I have managed to irritate my right piriformis muscle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piriformis_muscle). It hurts most when I'm sitting, which is GREAT when you have a desk job. [sigh] I've been stretching at least twice a day (it's super tight, especially when compared with the left) and applying heat and ice, and it seems to be improving. But yikes. It's also caused numbess and tingling in my right thigh in addition to the pain. Not fun.

**Even though my 30-day challenge is over, I am going to continue to exercise at least five days a week. I feel so much better than I did before I started, and it truly is beginning to feel like a habit to me. Shocking!

**I am gradually gearing up for my next 30-day challenge by beginning to eat more fruit this week. Because fruit is easier to prepare and take along--and because I like them better--I figured I'd start with fruits before veggies.

**I have my first piano lesson tonight! I've wanted to learn to play since I was a child. A friend at work gave me an electronic keyboard that her sons no longer use so I will be able to practice at home between lessons, too.

**I still need to buy part of MM's Valentine's Day gift. I feel a bit pressured about getting things he will like because he got me some awesome gifts last year (http://lovesseabass.blogspot.com/2008/02/presidents-day.html) and has hinted that he got me something "over the top" this year. (He bought my Valentine's Day gift before Christmas, actually.) So far, I've bought him two CDs by The Samples (a band he once mentioned that he loved in college and hadn't heard in years) and am planning on getting him some quality gummy bears and a nice card, too. I may also bust out and go to Victoria's Secret (with a gift card my friend N sent me for my wedding--thanks, N) and get some sexy underwear or something. I have the feeling he's still going to out-gift me, though. Suggestions?

**I got tickets this week for MM and I to go the Jimmy Buffett concert in May! We are psyched about it. Neither of us have never seen him in concert and we have both wanted to for a long time; it's just so hard to get tickets 'cause they usually sell out fast.

**Work is slow. Not managably slow. More like "I don't have enough to do" slow. It stinks. I'd prefer being hella busy to this.

**Because I've been feeling that I'm in something of a life rut, I've been researching activities for MM and me to do on the weekends. This weekend is set: we have dinner with friends on Friday, a hockey game on Saturday, and dinner with his folks on Sunday. The following weekend we are going to Tucson to visit M for her 9th birthday, so next weekend is pretty full, too. After that, I want to hike at least every other week while the weather is still cool enough, and I want to go to the Renaissance Faire. (I've been talking about it since law school and have never gone.) Not sure what else to plan. There is lots to do in Arizona, but it has to be within an hour's drive of us because MM hates driving distances. ;-)

**I'm a dork I know, but I'm loving Facebook. I have become reacquainted with several people I hadn't talked to in YEARS, and it's been so fun! (Could also be related to the fact that I am not busy at work. . . )

Becoming Zen

Is the author of the blog Zen Habits reading my blog to get ideas? ;-)

After my post yesterday, I found this in my feed reader this morning: http://zenhabits.net/2009/02/conquer-the-fears-lurking-in-the-dark-corners-of-your-mind/#comments.

I thought it was an interesting coincidence that this appeared the morning after I posted about my greatest fear. I also find the post to be good practical advice for conquering many fears.

Not sure how to practically apply his suggestions to my particular fear, though. . . .

Fear

There are four ways you can handle fear. You can go over it, under it, or around it. But if you are ever to put fear behind you, you must walk straight through it. Once you put fear behind you, leave it there.
~Donna A. Favors

213.2

I came to a realization during my Saturday morning acupuncture session. For those of you who've never had acupuncture--I was in this category until a few weeks ago--once the practitioner inserts the needles, you basically just lie still and relax for 20-30 minutes once they're in. You really can't move around because you'd dislodge the needles. Because of this forced inactivity, it's easy to relax and to meditate (or cogitate) during acupuncture.

I have been growing increasingly more unhappy every month that I've been off the pill and have not gotten pregnant. This month things finally got to the point where I spent a good portion of Friday crying off and on. (I *rarely* cry. Normally I can go months and months without crying over anything.)

Because this type of reaction is so unlike me, I found myself analyzing the reasons behind it. Trying to conceive and being unsuccessful month after month is frustrating, to be sure. Frustration is usually not enough to make me cry, though. A huge part of trying to get pregnant is completely outside my control. Really, all I can do is take care of my body, have sex at the right times, and pray. But although I hate not being in control, especially over big things feeling out of control also isn't something that I'd generally cry over.

As I lay on the acupuncture table relaxing, it finally came to me. I am upset because I am afraid. Afraid that I won't ever get pregnant. Afraid that I will never bear a child of my own. Afraid that I will never be a mother. And afraid of the toll that this may eventually take on my relationship with MM.

It is fear, not frustration or impatience, that has made me cry. Fear and uncertainty. Fear that has developed over the past ten months that I have been off the pill and not gotten pregnant. Fear that seems less unfounded with each passing unsuccessful cycle.

It's not the waiting that's getting to me. Hell, I have already waited many, many years to even TRY to get pregnant. I waited years to meet someone I could marry, someone I loved enough and with whom I had a healthy enough relationship to have a fighting chance of success in marriage. I am experienced at waiting for things. I may not like it, but I'm accustomed to it.

If I knew for sure that I would get pregnant someday, so long as we keep trying, I believe that my fear would subside. But in this arena, there are no guarantees for any woman who is almost 38 years old and has never conceived. There is no way, short of divine intervention, for me to ever KNOW that I will eventually be pregnant.

I don't know that there is a way to walk through this fear. Certainly I have visualized a life where I never have a child of my own. . . . but deep down inside, I never thought that it would be the life I'd ultimately live.

I will say that it's been a recurrent theme in my life that few things turn out the way I thought they would. Each time life has taken an unexpected turn, I've ended up being happier with the life I have than with the life I had planned.

I can't imagine, though, that I would ever get to a point where I'd be truly OK with never being a mother. But maybe I will.

Tagged

THE RULES: Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own. Step 2: tag— tag eight other un-tagged people. So, here we go!

Make a list of things you can see without getting up: A framed photo of Sebastian; a box of paperback books; a photo of MM and me taken at the Venetian last November just before our wedding; my BlackBerry; a photo of my nephew Rowan; a framed print I bought in Ireland in 2002; a lead crystal carving of a Golden Retriever; my digital camera; my wedding photos (waiting to go into the album); some bills.

What were you like when you were five? I was inquisitive and loved to learn.

What are you wearing now? A black Guinness T-shirt and black lounge pants.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? Just finished Goodnight Nobdoy by Jennifer Weiner today.

Do you nap a lot? When I have the time.

Who was the last person you hugged? My husband

What’s your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Don't really have one

What was the last thing you ate today? A hamburger cooked by MM

What is the best purchase you've ever made? Toyota Prius

What websites do you always visit when you go online? bloglines, facebook, google, yahoo

What was the last thing you bought? Fry bread

What are you listening to right now? ESPN's Sports Center

If you could have any super power, what would it be? The ability to turn dog poo into gold

What is your favorite weather, and why? Phoenix winter weather: 70s, clear, sunny

What time do you usually get up? 7:45

What is your most challenging goal right now? Getting organized

Say something to the person who tagged you: Thanks for the blog entry idea! ;-)

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? On Maui

Favorite vacation spot? Can't really pick A favorite. I can visit DC again and again

What is your favorite children’s book? The Velveteen Rabbit

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you: Chocolate

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be? Jesus

Favorite song: Currently, Single Ladies by Beyonce

Name one thing you would most like to change about yourself: My weight.

Name a bad habit: I tend to obsess about things in a negative way.

What are you looking forward to this year? Seeing my nephew next month, and celebrating all our "firsts" as a married couple: first Valentine's Day, first Easter, etc.

Benefits of daily exercise

213.2



I only have six days left in the 30 days from my original 30-day challenge; my first day of exercise to start my streak was January 13th. (I remember because a good friend had a baby the same day.) Assuming I work out every day for the next six--and I see no reason at the moment why this can't happen--I will have worked out 28 of the 30 days.

A 93%. Not 100%, but not too shabby. Actually, just having worked out 22 of the past 24 days works out to slightly more than six days a week of exercise. Excellent! For the past 3+ weeks, I have FINALLY been doing MORE exercise than my doctor recommended.

I have to say, I have seen LOADS of benefits from this daily exercise thing. I am sleeping better and snoring less. (Yes, I sometimes snore. Poor MM.) My energy level is higher--and more constant--throughout the day. Because my energy level is higher, I am able to concentrate better at work. (Well, I *would* be able to concentrate better if I wasn't preoccupied with non-work stuff.) I am finally, FINALLY having fewer headaches: I've only had one (mild) migraine since the 30-day challenge started and fewer tension headaches. When I do have to take medication for a headache, I can take less and the headaches don't last as long.

I perceive a significant difference in my exercise endurance, too. I can jog longer, go faster, and generally feel better while working out than I did before. It's no longer a struggle to get through a 30-minute workout. In fact, most days I quite enjoy it. For example, I had a kick-ass 30-minute workout on the elliptical trainer last night at the gym. . . . so good, in fact, that when the 30-minute program ended, I hopped on the treadmill and jogged for five more minutes! I certainly didn't do that prior to this challenge.

Because I have also quit caffeine, started acupuncture, and gone for an hour-long massage every other week since starting this 30-day challenge, I cannot say with absolute certainty that all the things I mentioned above are attributable to (almost) daily exercise.

The scale hasn't really changed much with increasing my exercise, but I do notice I am slightly firmer in places, and MM says I look a little smaller to him. And honestly, I didn't start this challenge to lose weight (though it would've been nice!), so I'm fine with this.

I am on board with doing another 30-day challenge, and my next one will be to actually eat the RDA-recommended nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day. I've been reading up on ways to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet. Assuming I can get to the grocery store on the 16th and get prepared, I will probably start on the 17th because I want to complete my exercise challenge first and want to start at the beginning of a week. (Our office is closed the 16th for Presidents' Day.)

I think that this next challenge will be tougher for me than the exercise challenge. We shall see!

Insensitive much?

213.8

You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.
~Maya Angelou

Now that I've reached an age where 40 no longer seems old, I've sometimes had cause to reflect on things I've done and said in the past. At no time has this been more true than since MM and I started actively trying to have a child of our own. As I've written here before, I naively thought that this endeavor would be accomplished in a relatively short time. Certainly no longer than six months. I was even concerned for a while that I'd get pregnant before we were married. (This seems laughable to me now.)

When I was younger, I used to routinely ask couples who'd been married more than six months when they were going to have a baby. It never occurred to me that the mere question might cause some of these people pain.

Likewise, I used to have no qualms about asking a couple whose only child was at least 2 when/if they planned to have another. Again, I never realized that there might be reasons that this wasn't part of their plan.

I used to think that women who were willing to put their bodies and minds through all sorts of stress with fertility treatments were missing the point and that they should "just adopt." I used to think that I would never subject myself to all that "unnecessary" poking, prodding and stress.

I used to think that when the day came that I decided to have a baby of my own, I'd have some fun, passionate, unprotected sex and get the job done in no time flat. I figured I would even have the luxury of deciding which month of the year might be most convenient for me to be giving birth.

I used to think (though, thank goodness, I never said to anyone) that maybe people who couldn't have a baby on their own "weren't meant to be parents."

I used to think (though, again, I never said to anyone) that people who were trying for a while to get pregnant should "just relax and stop trying."

I have learned a lot in the past several months.

#500

212.6

This post is my 500th, and I can't even be bothered to think of something interesting to write about. I'm in a funk today for the same reason I've been in a funk many, many times over the past ten months.

I couldn't let the day go by without posting my lower weight, though! And that's even after having a HUGE dinner out with my friend M yesterday before the gym.

90% is still an A

213.2







As my ticker shows, I missed another day of working out since my last post: this one was last night. Again, I did walk the dog to the park and back, but I don't count that as a workout; it's activity, yes, but I definitely don't get my heart rate up.

I had tummy problems yesterday morning (no, not morning sickness), so I stayed home from work. I felt better in the evening, but still run-down and generally lethargic (despite a 4-hour nap). So those were my reasons (excuses) for not working out.

Anyway. Onward and upward. I've brought my workout clothes with me to work today and I'll be meeting MM at the gym as usual this evening.

Aside from the after effects of yesterday's GI upset, I feel pretty much back to normal today. Don't have much of an appetite, though, but hey! That's a good thing. All I've eaten today is a packet of instant organic oatmeal, and even though it's 2:00 here, I'm still not hungry. I'm not knockin' it! Just drinking water continuously.

One of the partners settled a case today which was going to trial in two weeks. I've been working a lot on that case the last few weeks, so I can now focus on other things. The settlement was an excellent outcome for our client, so I am happy about it for that reason as well.

Today's post is #499. Gonna try to make the next one special. . . .