Exciting news!

Well, not MY exciting news, but I am excited about it nonetheless.

I am going to be an aunt! My sister found out in the past few days that she is pregnant. She & her husband have been halfheartedly trying to conceive for over 2 years (they've been married almost 3), so this is a long-awaited event.

She is not very far along--her due date is November 21st--and I realize there are many things that could still go awry at this early stage. Still, I am excited: both for them and for myself!

I should clarify. I actually have several nieces and nephews through my step-siblings. However, V is my only sister; we grew up together and have the same mother and father. So this little niece/nephew will be my first biological niece/nephew.

Another unusual event this week: I heard from my ex-boyfriend R. We have been broken up for years (nearly 10, actually), but have always remained friends and kept in touch sporadically. I even attended his wedding 5 1/2 years ago.

R called to wish my a happy (belated) birthday. He is a very busy guy: his wife is a medical director at a busy suburban hospital, and they have 2 little girls under age 2, as well as her 15-year-old son. Due to his wife's demands at work, R is the primary caretaker for their two young daughters and also works part-time and goes to school part-time. So his plate is pretty full, and I wasn't remotely offended that he didn't send me a card or call me on my actual birthday.

It was great to talk to R. It makes me really happy to hear how well he is doing; he seems happy with his life. (I always knew he'd make a great dad.) By coincidence, he now lives about 20 minutes away from my sister (over 3000 miles from me). So I promised that when I fly out to see her & the new baby late this fall, I will come to visit him and his family.

All in all, I'm in quite a good mood today. The week is more than half over, and lots of good things are happening around me. I hope this can be a productive day as well.

Count your blessings. . .

• Despite the fact that I am the heaviest I have been in 3 years, I am still healthy. The only physical problem I ever are my migraines, and those are only occasional and mostly controlled by medication (thank G-d)
• I am fortunate to have a loving, considerate boyfriend on whom I can rely
• I am doing a job that I enjoy and does good for the community
• I have a wonderful dog who brings joy to me every day
• I live in a comfortable home (even though it's not as neat or organized as I would like)
• I drive a reliable car that I enjoy
• I am able to volunteer my time to M, who desperately needs consistency in her life. At age 6, she has known me longer than anyone else currently in her life
• I am blessed to have the love of many good friends
• Both my parents are still living, and my relationship with both of them is good
• I have a terrific sister (I only wish she lived closer so that I could see her more often)
• I am physically able to do all the things I want to do. Sure, I now get short of breath going up & down stairs, but I can still climb 'em!
• I live in a beautiful area of the country, with over 300 days of sunshine a year

Wow, I'm a lucky gal!

Happy Birthday to me

Today is my 35th birthday. Hard to believe I am this old! I feel almost exactly the same mentally as I felt at 25!

Short entry today because I have mounds and mounds of work on my desk and I am planning to take Friday off. So I've got to get all this done.

Found out this morning that my friend M, who works in our office with me and is on my same trial team, took a job in a neighboring city. I'm so sad! Not only will I miss him at work, he & his wife and SL & I have become good friends and regularly socialize. They are expecting their first baby in early August, and I was looking forward to spending time with all of them. Now they will be over 100 miles away. I'm sure it is a good decision for them--they both have family where they are moving and he will make more money--but I'm going to miss them.

SL is taking me out for a nice dinner tonight to celebrate my birthday. I'm excited about it!

I had a good visit with my dad last weekend. It seemed very short, though. And the drive is SO long and boring. . . .

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I'm so glad it's Friday! For some reason, this week has seemed really long to me. Nice to see it end.

This afternoon, as early as I can leave work, I am leaving to visit my father for the weekend. He lives in a neighboring state, in a city about 4 hours drive from where I live. Wednesday was his birthday, and this coming Tuesday is mine, so we are going to spend "our" birthday weekend together.

I'm looking forward to seeing my dad. Sometimes he drives me crazy, but I love him. And I know many of his traits that drive me crazy bug me precisely because I have the same personality traits, so I try to be tolerant.

SL gave me my birthday present early last night: an Ipod Nano. It's so cool! I can't believe how tiny it is. I will be able to load all the songs on all the CDs I own onto it and still have space for more. What a thoughtful gift-giver he is!

Much as I am looking forward to visiting my dad, I hate going there for the weekend. It is a long, boring drive, and I'll miss Sebastian (& SL, of course, but at least I can talk to him on the phone). Plus, when I go away for the weekend, I have no time to relax and to catch up on all the household stuff I neglect all week. . . and I've been neglecting the house more this week even than usual because I've felt so frickin' tired every day. Ah well. It's a trade-off.

Baby steps

I was looking back this week at my New Year's resolutions. They were:

• Begin eating more healthfully & exercising regularly again; lose 50 lbs in 2006
• Organize home
• Play fewer computer games

We are nearly 1/4 of the way through 2006. So far the only real accomplishment I can point to is that I finally overcame my "addiction" to Yahoo Bookworm. I am, in fact, spending far less time playing computer games.

As to my other resolutions, my progress has not been so good. I've written before about my lack of motivation to exercise and eat right. I am trying to take things a little at a time. So here are the things I did well today:

• I did bring my lunch to work today (Lean Cuisine panini)
• I ate a healthy breakfast (oatmeal)
• I didn't drink a cafe con chocolate this morning
• I ate no pastry (muffin, danish, scone, etc.) during the morning
• I drank 2 liters of water
• I cleaned the kitchen sink and counters
• I did 3 loads of laundry

That doesn't sound like much, but it's more than I've done lots of other days this year. . . .

Rain in the desert at last?

We are having some very atypical weather today, at least for the desert Southwest: it has been overcast and windy all day. Yet despite the wind & clouds, NO RAIN! We are in the middle of a drought, and I for one much prfer a nice rainy day to a windy, dusty one.

I had hoped to take Sebastian for a walk on the river path this morning, but I didn't take him because of the yucky weather. I hope it is clear tomorrow; Sebastian & I have plans to go hiking with my friend W & his 2 dogs. And W is moving to Phoenix soon, so Sebastian has to spend his quality time with the dogs while he can.

I had also intended to go into my office and work for a few hours today. SL left for his office at 1:00 and is just now heading home. I didn't go to the office, however, because I was engrossed in a good book. I read my first book by Greg Iles this past week--The Footprints of God--and now I am reading Blood Memory. I love finding a new author I like! Once I finally pulled myself away from the book, I got on the internet to look up some Core recipes on the Weight Watchers website and ended up visiting several weight loss websites & blogs looking for inspiration.

I did get a few things accomplished around the house. . . sorting through some clutter, balancing my checkbook, cleaning the kitchen (including cleaning out the fridge, yuck), general tidying up. I hope to get a few more things done around the house later this evening, too. I can always go to work tomorrow for a couple of hours, or even go in early on Monday morning, if need be.

Tonight I am going to discuss with SL my desire to start eating healthfully again and ask for his support. I'm sure he will be on board; he is always wanting to lose weight, too, and was just remarking this afternoon how fat he feels. Plus he much prefers eating in to eating out most of the time. He also just bought a new crockpot and is looking forward to cooking with it; I'm the only one who's used it so far.

I'm going to get SL to help me plan out some healthful dinners for the week. I'm also going to buy some fresh veggies & fruit, more of my favorite high fiber cereals, & some whole grain bread & sandwich meat for lunches.

Not only is planning meals ahead & making them yourself better for you. . . it's a heck of a lot cheaper, too. While going over my monthly budget today, I started thinking about how I can reallocate some resources so that I can do some traveling this year. (With my current salary, student loans, and car payment, that has not been an option recently.) If I save a little money each month (which I could easily do by eating out less), I should be able to take a short trip somewhere this summer. Maybe more than one trip, depending on where I go. I love to travel, and having a vacation planned gives me something to look forward to. Considering that starting in mid-April I have 10 trials scheduled in 7 weeks, I have a feeling that come July, I'm going to need a break!

As I sit here finishing this entry, it has finally started to rain! HOORAY!!

Ugh

I am still eating poorly and not exercising. I noticed again this morning that the pants I am wearing are tight, though they fit me fine about a month ago. I really need to start addressing this.

What the hell is wrong with me?

When I stepped on the bathroom scale this morning, I saw a number I had not seen in 3 years: 202.4! Yet in spite of this fact (and the fact that my size 14 clothes have been getting tighter & tighter over the past few months), I have no motivation to eat healthier.

I refuse to buy any larger-sized clothes. For one thing, professional clothing in anything over size 16 is hard to find. Also, it's expensive. I hate shopping. And there is no need for it when I have plenty of perfectly good size 14 (& size 12!) things to wear.

I am genuinely perplexed about why I have no motivation to try to lose weight. I haven't even been exercising. . . . which is something I actually enjoy doing. I am going to have to cancel my Grand Canyon hike next month because I am in no physical shape to take it on. . . due to the fact that I have only exercised sporadically (if at all) for the past 6 weeks.

I really don't know what is holding me back. My energy level is low, but that is more likely a result of my unhealthy eating and sloth than an independent issue. My job stress is much lower now than 6 months ago, I have time to plan meals & exercise, all my personal relationships are going fine, SL's parents are gone. I even have an energetic young dog to encourage me to get out and walk. What the fuck?

I don't know if this rant has helped me answer my question, but I feel a little better. . . .