Saturday, September 05, 2009

Follow up

Thanks to all of you who took the time to read and to comment on my "Would this offend you?" post a few days ago. Your comments reaffirmed for me that I was NOT being overly sensitive and had every right to call my husband out for his behavior. (Yes, the "lifelong chubby girl" is me.)

Even though my husband thinks blogging is "weird" and has never read a single entry on my blog, he was troubled to learn that I had posted an entry about our exchange the other night because he thinks it "makes [him] look like an a$$hole." Ahem. He couldn't precisely articulate for me why he cares about the thoughts and opinions of the people who read my blog, most of whom he has never met (though I acknowledge that some people I know in real life, including my sister, read this blog), but in any event. . . .

He did not prompt me to write this post, but I think in the interest of presenting a balanced picture, I should say that we talked at some length about what happened the other night, how I felt about it, and how he can act in future to avoid hurting my feelings. To be fair, MM is not usually that inconsiderate; in fact, there have been numerous occasions over the almost two years we've known each other when he could have said or done something derogatory in regard to my weight and has refrained from doing so. He is generally complimentary of my appearance, too, when warranted.

I have no doubt that MM loves me, that he is attracted to me, and that he values our relationship. I truly think that what transpired the other night was the result of two things: having never had a weight problem himself, MM really doesn't "get it," and the fact that he is not enough of a dissembler to hide his feelings or lie.

He was genuinely surprised at how upset I was about this, and though I'm still not entirely sure that he gets the whole weight/body image issue--after all, he is a slim, fit male--I doubt I will see a repeat of his behavior or comments.

By saying this, I guess I have provided all the information possible to assure you, gentle readers, that my husband is not, in fact, an a$$hole.

Carry on. . . .


Anonymous said...

While he may not be an a-hole as a person, man, husband, etc he did exhibit a-hole behavior and in my opinion you took care of it. Instead of letting it slide or keeping your opinion/hurt feelings to yourself you communicated to him that what he did was not something that you will tolerate, so good on you.

While I don't subscribe to the belief that all men are a-holes I do wholly believe that, like a dog, a man needs to have his nose smacked with a newspaper from time to time in order to learn from their mistakes.

TUWABVB said...

Just because a person, male or female, reacts a certain way in ONE situation does not make them an asshole. I never thought he was - I just thought he had acted in an insensitive manner and that you needed to tell him, that's all. No one is perfect - certainly not me OR my husband. We have both said or done things that inadvertantly hurt the other, but the important part was that there was an "I'm sorry" at the end of the story.

Poppy said...

"there have been numerous occasions over the almost two years we've known each other when he could have said or done something derogatory in regard to my weight and has refrained from doing so."

Please think about this phrase. To me, a stranger, it says that you think poorly of yourself and expect that others do too. I hope that you can turn this around and realize that you NEVER deserve to be treated or thought of as anything negative because of your weight. It's just part of you, part of who you are, no matter what weight you are. You don't deserve to be looked at differently by the man you love and who loves you because you have more pounds than the woman walking down the street with her 6" heels, or whatever. I just hope you realize you are worth more than that statement gives you credit for.

Lisa said...

You can ssure him that this reader would not judge someone on one issolated incident. I'm sure many others feel the same.

Still, I'm sorry he made you feel bad in that moment and made you think any further about it.