Looking back

(haven't weighed myself in days. . . . so who knows?)

The end of the calendar year always seems to be a time for re-examining the preceding twelve months. Every other show on TV seems to be chronicling the "Top Ten" whatever that happened in 2008. (I've long believed that this is done, in large part, because the weeks before and after Christmas are quite slow news-wise.) I thought, why not include my own top ten lists? So here they are. . . .

Top ten things that happened in my life this year (roughly in date order)

1. Took my first deposition
2. Moved in with MM
3. Bought my first house
4. Got a favorable first performance evaluation at work and a raise
5. Visited Rocky Point (& took Sebastian to the beach) for the first time
6. Did a fitness boot camp
7. Visited Rowan twice
8. Got married! (They said it would never happen--ok, they didn't; I did)
9. Lost (and re-gained) about 10 lbs
10. Visited Maui

Top ten things that I would like to do (or see happen) in 2009 (not listed in order of importance or likelihood)

1. Become more routine-oriented
2. Become a more efficient biller at work
3. Visit Rowan at least three times (especially now that he is getting to an age where he'll know whether or not I'm there!)
4. Lose weight (yeah, it's on the list again)
5. Get more organized at home (this one, too)
6. Get pregnant
7. Adopt another dog
8. My parents to stay in good health
9. See more of my friends
10. Write a first chapter for a novel

Ten lessons I learned in 2008:

1. When my mom said half my friends would be "divorced and back out on the market" by the time I was ready to get married. . . . she was right (again).
2. If a 2-year-old sees something he wants, once he puts his hands on it and claims it as his own, it belongs to him, at least in his own mind. Take it back at your own risk!
3. Once you're married, everyone wants to know when/if you will be having children.
4. If you choose to do things that are unconventional--like eloping, keeping your own name after marriage, or not wearing a white dress for your wedding--there are people who will judge you and think you are strange.
5. White Americans WILL vote for an African-American man for president!
6. Sometimes even your closest friends can still surprise you with their behavior.
7. I'm happier if I have coffee in the mornings.
8. Life is easier if you get along with your in-laws.
9. Getting rid of things I don't need or use gives me a feeling of freedom.
10. Neither a healthy diet nor regular exercise alone will make me lose weight. I have to do both simultaneously! (OK, I knew this already, but I was in denial. And it's been reconfirmed.)

How to end a friendship. . . .

No, I'm not mailing this. I wrote it to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head and onto the page.

************************************
It has been over a month since you and I have spoken. At this point, you may be wondering why I have not been in touch. Given the many years that we have known each other and been friends, I’ve decided that I should make my feelings clear rather than simply avoiding contact with you, as I have done thus far.

To be succinct, I have been hurt by your failure to acknowledge my marriage in any way, shape or form. I didn’t expect much in the way of recognition, despite the fact that I attended both your weddings. A simple text message, email, or phone call would have sufficed and would be no more or less than I have received from many people in my life with whom I am not even in regular contact. However, it seems that even simple acknowledgement of the fact that I am married—or even that I took a vacation to someplace I’d long wanted to visit—was too much to expect.

Your lack of any response whatsoever to what is an extremely happy and significant event in my life has given me cause to re-examine my friendship with you. After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that our friendship has been mostly one-sided for a long time. I have made excuses for your behavior in the past, but in light of this most recent display of thoughtlessness, I cannot continue to do so.

Clearly you have not been too busy to text, email or send me a letter, given the fact that, since my return from Maui, you have found the time to send me two text messages about things going on in your life, a forwarded email about friends, and a Christmas letter. Apparently, though I know you had the time, you have not seen fit to congratulate me or even to mention my marriage. . . . or even my trip to Maui.

In my opinion, anyone who would fail to acknowledge an important event like a wedding for someone who she claims is a close friend, barring some type of dire emergency in her own life, is not someone with whom I want to associate myself. I do not know the reasons for your behavior, and at this point I no longer care.

I wish you well and hope that you find some happiness in your life. I cannot say that I will miss our friendship, primarily because it's been years since you have showed much interest in my life or offered me much support. I will say, though, that I am sorry to be ending a friendship of over twenty years’ duration with someone who I once considered as close as family, and I will miss hearing about your sons’ progress as they grow up.

Signed, S

Wedding photos

I really wish there was a way to post our professional photos on this blog; they turned out really great. Alas, the cost of the digital images themselves was too much to justify paying extra for them.

Instead here are a few shots taken by my mother-in-law before, during and after the ceremony.



Me post-spa and post-salon at lunch



MM and I at the beginning of the ceremony with our minister giving a traditional Hawaiian blessing (preceded by three blows on the conch shell)



Me smiling at the minister's banter (he was pretty funny)



MM and I looking at each other during the blessing



One of many kisses (this one after the exchange of leis). There were seven kisses during the ceremony alone: one after each of us said our vows; one after exchange of leis; one after exchange of rings; and one at the end.



Me blowing the minister's conch shell after the ceremony. It only took me two tries to get the right sound, though I wasn't nearly as loud as he was.



My MIL's version of a cute shot of the bouquet and our rings set up by the photographer/wedding coordinator



One of our posed shots after the ceremony. I love the long, multi-colored lei and the way the ocean looks in the background.



Another posed shot. Our videographer actually requested this one and then made MM do four (!) takes before he was satisfied. MM joked that the videographer "thinks he's Martin Scorcese." We were very happy with the way the video turned out, though, so it was worth it.

Christmas

We hosted Christmas Eve at our house, and then spent Christmas Day at my in-laws'. For Christmas Eve dinner, we had lasagna: an "M" family tradition since at least the early 1990s. I briefly considered making my own lasagna, but ended up getting it from Romano's Macaroni Grill instead.

Christmas Eve was the first time I've ever used my Noritake china which I received as a gift in 1990!



Sebastian posing in front of our faux fir on Christmas Eve. The number of presents doubled after MM's parents arrived.



The tree reflected in the mirror beside it



Hard to say from this photo whether Sebastian loves his Grandma J (my MIL, pictured) or just wants her leftover lasagna



Photographic proof that MM helps out around the house



Sebastian guarding his newest toy: a stuffed Spaniel from Ikea



Too tired even to wrestle with MM

Cuteness

A few shots of my friend K's kids from their visit last weekend.



This is her nine-year-old daughter. She was a bit more camera shy than her brother. A very sweet girl!



K with her nine-month-old son. Look at those cheeks!



The little guy on the move



Standing unassisted, using our couch for support

3 shopping days until Christmas. . .

I realized today that I still haven't posted my MIL's wedding photos as promised. Oops. Our professional photos are in the mail as of today, but I won't be able to post them on here because I was too cheap to pay for the rights to the digital images (it was a significant cost). I really should put up a few of us on our wedding day.

Not much to share. I'm really glad that I'm only working three days this week. Our office is closed on Thursday and Friday, so even though today is Monday, in a way it's like Wednesday already. ;-)

I woke up with a headache today and came to work late because of it. It sucks how many headaches I get, but since I am otherwise generally healthy, I guess it's just my cross to bear.

I learned today via Facebook that yet another of my law school classmates recently had a baby. I should seriously make a list of everyone from my law school class who's had a child int he past 18 months. I know it would be a lot of people. . . . at least 10-12, I'm thinking. And that's just of people that I hear/know about. . . maybe a third of our 160-member class.

An old, old friend contacted me today via Facebook, too. She is someone with whom I went to band camp when I was 13 years old. It was really weird--and really cool-to hear from her.

The weather here is gloomy and overcast again. Weird for Phoenix!

I had a fun visit with my college friend K and her family yesterday. Maybe I will post a few shots of her kids later along with my wedding photos. (K actually reads this blog. Hi!)

You can't always get what you want

In my life, I can't say that I've always gotten my way. It's a rare person who gets her way all the time. And I'm not sure living that way would be healthy.

I *can* say, though, that most everything I've wanted to achieve, I've achieved once I made up my mind that I'd try to do it. Sure, I've had dreams that I've allowed to fall by the wayside--for example, I long ago thought that I wanted to be a doctor--but by and large, when I've set out to do something, I've done it.

The things that have always been most difficult for me are those things that are elusive, that you can't do much to "get." Things like friendship, love and happiness. Even there, though, I believed that I could take affirmative steps in a direction that might lead me to those things, and I did. I changed careers so that I'd feel more satisfied at work and hopefully therefore happier with my life. I've moved. I've gone out of my way to meet people and to date.

Though you can't make someone be a friend, I am fortunate to have many people in my life today who deservedly bear the title. In that area of my life, I am blessed beyond what I probably deserve. Despite the elusiveness of both love and happiness, I eventually found both. I love MM and have a wonderful relationship (and now marriage) with him. I am happy with my life.

Now, though, I am in pursuit of something that is turning out to be equally elusive. . . . and just like I did when searching for love and happiness, I am having a devil of a time accepting that this is not something that I can "get." I guess I am too much of a controller or a concrete thinker or something. I find it next to impossible to "let things happen" or to "just relax" or "let go and let God." Pick your phrase: no matter how you word it, I am not a passive person who can accept the will of the universe.

But I need to be. I need to learn to "accept the things I cannot change."

I'll be damned if I know how to do it. . . .

God, I'm old

212.8

I almost didn't even blog today because I'm in a funk (again). The weather here has been very un-Phoenix-like again today: dreary, cold (low 50s), overcast, and raining.

I am attributing my feelings of apathy in part to the weather. The fact that my eating has not been the best, I haven't been to the gym in a week, and all my current work assignments are BORING could all be contributing factors as well.

Anyhoo. . . . while browsing around on Facebook today, I learned that someone whom I used to babysit is pregnant and due in April. I am genuinely happy for her--that's not the point--but man, did it make me feel old!

And I felt even older when I realized that this woman has been married for a year, has a master's degree, is a working family therapist, and is 25 years old. In other words, she is AN ADULT in every sense of the word. Wow. It's weird to think that someone who I knew when she still used a pacifier is now a genuine grown-up.

Add her to the list of people I know who are pregnant or have had a baby in the past 3 years. The list must be over 30 by now, with some names appearing twice. ;-)

What do you think?

I am annoyed with a friend (who I will call D) and wanted to get the opinions of objective outsiders about my situation. She is one of my friends who is not very active on the internet, so I know she doesn't read this blog; she wouldn't even know how to find it! So I feel safe in posting this, knowing that she won't see it.

D has yet to acknowledge our marriage! She has not emailed, texted, called, sent a card. . . nothing. Even though she's known for months that it was going to happen and when. Since I got home, she has sent me two text messages: one a week ago Saturday (12/6) to tell me her middle son placed 2nd in a race he ran, and one last Wednesday to tell me that her period arrived 3 days early (we are usually on the same cycle schedule and both of us are currently off the pill). But nothing about our wedding or the fact that I got married.

By way of background, D and I have been friends for over 20 years. I attended her first wedding in 1995, and I flew two states away and took a day off work (on a Friday) to attend her second wedding this past February. She has three children--now aged 12, 10, and 8--and I spent a week at her house helping her with each of them within the first few months of their lives. I also spent a week taking care of them after she had surgery several years ago.

D has a history of being self-centered--many of our conversations over the years have involved my listening to her problems with her husband (now ex-husband), children, or crazy mother--and it's not uncommon for us to talk for an hour and have none of it be about me. So I'm used to her ignoring what is going in my life. But I feel that failing to acknowledge my marriage is incredibly rude and perhaps more than I can excuse or forgive.

Thoughts? Opinions? Thus far I haven't responded to either of her messages. I'm at a bit of a loss about what to do. Part of me wants to call her out about her rudeness, but another part wants to just continue to ignore the situation (and her).

Wow, actual cool weather!

Here in Phoenix, we don't see much of what most people would consider cold weather. Today is an odd one: it's overcast and the current temperature is 54 degrees. If it were colder--and I lived in another part of the country--I'd almost say it looks like it's going to snow. But I know that won't happen in Phoenix. The forecast does call for rain, though.

My weekend was a busy and productive one. I've been having some difficulty getting into "the Christmas spirit" this year. MM and I bought our tree and wreaths on Saturday; I addressed all my (50+) Christmas cards and wrote something in about half of them; decided on our Christmas Eve menu; and Sebastian got his photo taken with Santa at Petsmart on Saturday. So things are starting to feel a bit more "seasonal."

Oh, and for those who were speculating whether I might be pregnant in response to my "Bleh" post of last week. . . . yeah, my period arrived early Sunday morning. So I guess I did just have a prolonged case of The Mondays.

Mom and I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" on Saturday night while MM was out with his friend. I love that movie! I really should buy it on DVD so that I could watch it more often. My sister often jokes that I'm "dead inside" because I hardly ever cry at things that others find moving. . . but that movie makes me tear up every time I watch it.

My dad is home from the hospital as of yesterday and doing better. My stepmom developed a cold after her surgery, so she's not feeling so hot. I'm sure it's not a fun time to be at their house! MM and I will be flying to visit them on New Year's Day: his first visit to New Mexico!

I finally got a few digital photos of our wedding from my MIL. Will post sometime this week. . . .

TGIF

213.8 (ugh)

I know I've used today's title for other blog posts, but nothing could more succinctly sum up my feelings about today. I need a weekend!

I continue to put off starting the South Beach diet. Yesterday was a tough day eating-wise: breakfast was what was provided at my legal education seminar (fruit, danish, & coffee); lunch was out; and dinner was at my firm's holiday client reception at a local resort. I always find it harder to eat healthfully when I'm not preparing my own food. I did eat quite a few roasted veggies and some fruit at the holiday reception, so I was proud of myself for that.

Lunch yesterday was fun. I met a friend from high school who I hadn't seen for over 20 years! We fell out of touch after graduation and just became reacquainted this past summer when plans were being made for our class's 20-year reunion--which neither of us attended--and we realized that we were both living/working in the Phoenix metro area.

It was interesting to catch up and find out what she's been up to for the past 20 years. Equally interesting: I had the sense that I'd want to be friends with her even if I met her today, something I wasn't expecting. So I'm sure we will be getting together again soon when time permits. Although we live in the same metro area, it'd be over an hour's drive from my house to hers, and we are both busy with work and personal stuff.

As usual, I have lots of stuff I need to get done this weekend, including finishing my Christmas shopping. (I only need to buy MM's gifts and three gift cards.) MM has plans to hang out with a friend on Saturday afternoon/evening, and I've made no plans; that's a rare occurrence! Of course, my mom is still staying with us, so I will hang out with her.

The good thing about Mom is that she won't mind if our time together is composed of my cleaning out my closet and sorting through some boxes. LOL Mom is also going to come with me to my office on Sunday to help me hang some photos and reorganize my desk and files. (As thanks, I'm going to take her out to brunch.)

My dad is in the hospital with pneumonia. The timing could hardly be worse because his wife had some outpatient surgery on Wednesday. (Actually, things could be slightly worse: my stepmom's surgery could've been more complicated, and then they'd both be in the hospital right now.) I talked with him this morning, and he said that he is feeling better. His doctor tells him that he can go home on Sunday if he continues to improve.

I cracked up when I read the comments on my last post. Too funny that people immediately thought I might be pregnant! Honestly, I am not in a position to even find out the answer to that question for at least another few days. And if I *were* pregnant. . . I'm not so sure I would write about it on this blog. Too many people IRL read it, and I wouldn't necessarily want everyone to know so early on. KWIM? I am of the school of thought that I would keep that news to myself--except for immediate family and a couple of close friends--until the 2nd trimester.

Only five-and-a-half hours until I can go home! Yea!

Bleh

212.4

I'm in a bit of a funk today. Not exactly sure what's wrong with me. I don't want to work--all my current tasks are boring--and my energy level is low. My eyes feel heavy and itchy, as though I didn't get enough sleep, even though I had my usual eight hours. I feel alternately mildly nauseated and hungry.

Anyhoo. This, too, shall pass. I suspect I am just suffering from a little post-vacation/post-wedding letdown. It's not an uncommon thing.

I have a laundry list of things I need to get done at home, but last night I did none of them. The only things I accomplished were writing a few thank you notes (surprisingly, some friends/family have sent us money and gift cards after our elopement) and uploading my snorkeling photos to the computer. Otherwise, I did nada. Well, I did go to the gym, as planned.

If my current state of mind continues, I can see this evening being more of the same.

Bleh.

Off

211.8

It's funny how the scale has been hanging around the same number for a while now. I'm wondering if this weight is one of those "set points" that my body likes? I do know that I've been at this approximate weight a few times during my adulthood.

Ever since we got back from Maui, I have felt slightly off. First, I was exhausted from jet lag, sleep deprivation, and travel. Then I was fighting a nasty cold (which seems to be mostly resolved now, thank goodness). Today I am well-rested and seem to be over my cold, but I still feel. . . not quite right.

I had a relatively healthy breakfast: 2 soy sausage patties and a sugar-free Frapuccino. (Hey, it beats the peppermint mocha & pastry that I usually have!) I've been drinking water and have almost finished my first liter of the day. But I've been feeling vaguely nauseated and had some heartburn for a while, too. I took a couple of Tums, so we'll see if that helps at all.

Yesterday evening I got upset over something that is not really that big deal and can likely be corrected. (No, I wasn't mad at MM.) Even at the time, I realized that my emotional reaction was out of proportion to the issue. . . yet even realizing this, I continued to feel upset. I used to never be hormonal, but maybe I am developing PMS later in life or something. . . . who knows.

When I went to the grocery store last weekend, I bought all the foods I needed to start the South Beach diet yesterday. But I also decided to bake a chocolate cake, thinking that my mom and MM would eat it. And I brought home leftovers from Sunday night's dinner at Romano's Macaroni Grill. My eating yesterday was definitely NOT SB-compliant or even healthy: the only vegetables I had were a few mushrooms in the cream sauce on my pasta, a small can of V8 with lunch, and a little bit of salsa on the burrito that was my dinner. And I ate two large pieces of chocolate cake.

So far today, I am off to a better start. Because I had dairy (in the form of the milk in my sugar-free Frappucino), I don't think I can really consider today a truly Phase One SB-compliant day. . . but if I stick with my planned lunch and dinner, I should be on track to at least a reasonably healthy day of eating. I brought a Lean Cuisine entree and some extra frozen veggies for lunch (along with V8 and a piece of lowfat cheese for an afternoon snack), and am planning on a Chik-Fil-A chargrilled chicken salad for dinner. I may have to throw the half-a-chocolate-cake that's left in the trash.

MM and I are going to the gym tonight, too. At the moment, I really don't feel like it. . . but I know I'll be glad I went. I actually worked out at the Hyatt's fitness center with MM three times while we were in Maui, but it's been over a week since I got any exercise: I haven't done anything since our return. Maybe working out will help me feel more back to normal, too.

Vegas/Maui recap

After a big ONE day back at work on Thursday (and my attorney holiday dinner that night), I woke up with a raging sore throat, aches, fatigue, and a headache on Friday morning. (And I didn't even drink at the party!) I guess that cold I'd been fighting off for over a week finally got the better of me. So I called in sick, slept for another three hours, and then spent the rest of the day rehydrating and taking it easy. As a result of feeling sub-par, I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I'd hoped to in the days that I've been home. . . but I have unpacked, done laundry, grocery-shopped, and done some housework.

AND. . . I finally got around to uploading and editing the photos from our trips!

Although our visit was a short one, it was great to see my sister V and her family in Vegas the weekend before Thanksgiving. My nephew Rowan is as cute as ever and is talking up a storm now! He amazes me with the number of words he knows and the sentences he can utter, to say nothing of his ability to parrot the words he hears (I almost had him saying "President Obama" in two days. Obama was easy; "president" was a bit tougher.) I took loads and loads of photos of him, but will include just a few here:

We took Rowan on the gondola ride at the Venetian. (It was one activity that none of us adults had done before, despite having been to Vegas numerous times since the hotel was built.) The second photo of the little guy shows the expression on his face as he watched the gondolier singing "Volare" in Italian. (And I swear I heard Rowan say "Volare" himself the next day!)

MM came very near to missing the Maui Invitational Tournament altogether: he flew home a day before me from Vegas so that he and his parents could fly out on Sunday morning. . . but picked up a raging case of (what was later diagnosed as) staph food poisoning at the Vegas airport. After awakening at 2:00 a.m. on Sunday with horrible vomiting, diarrhea, etc., he was in no shape to take a 6+-hour flight to Hawaii. Instead, he spent a few hours at an urgent care clinic receiving 3 liters of IV fluids and a shot in the butt for nausea. Poor lamb! When I arrived home a little before 10:00 p.m. on Sunday, he was huddling in a blanket on the couch, beet-red and shivering, with a fever of 101.6!

Luckily, between the care he got at the clinic and the TLC and Tylenol he got from his fiancee, MM was recovered enough on Monday morning to board my flight with me, though he was still far from 100%. He probably wasn't fully himself again until after we'd been in Maui for about 24 hours.

What can I say about Maui? Everything you read and hear about the island is true: it's an absolutely beautiful place. The resort where we stayed--the Hyatt Regency--was gorgeous, truly someone's vision of an island paradise. The grounds, the artwork, the beach promenade, the shops: everything was perfect. My photos don't even do it justice, so I won't post them here (the hotel's website has photos that put mine to shame). The resort even had swans, flamingos, and tropical penguins living on-site, as well as three talking parrots and a koi pond in the lobby.

We were lucky enough to get upgraded to an ocean-view room for our entire stay, rather than just for the three days after our wedding, as we'd anticipated. I could hear the waves crashing on the shore, even with our balcony door closed. . . what a wonderful sound to hear first thing each morning and last thing each night! The view from our balcony looked like this (the island visible in the distance is Lanai):

I spent several early mornings and evenings sitting on our balcony reading and enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of the ocean. (On a side note, I also read four complete novels during our trip! What bliss! I rarely got so much time to read in my usual daily life.)

We didn't do many of the typical tourist things that are recommended for first-time visitors to Maui--like driving the road to Hana or visiting Haleakala crater--in favor of enjoying the beauty of west Maui, on and near the resort. MM is not a big fan of road trips at any time, so he didn't want to spend lots of time in the car, and I acquiesced. (Marriage is about compromise, right?) We did go snorkeling at Molokini, as well as off Ka'anapali Beach near the hotel; went parasailing; took a sunset cruise up the coast of western Maui; and shopped in Lahaina.

And oh yeah, we got married!! ;-)

Our wedding was wonderful and exceeded our expectations. Everything went off without a hitch. The ceremony was a simple one, performed by a Hawaiian minister on the beach at D.T. Fleming Beach Park (just up the coast from Kapalua), complete with exchange of leis, a traditional Hawaiian blessing, a conch shell, and a ukulele. We couldn't have been happier with the way things turned out!

I obviously have no photos of my own of our wedding ceremony (pretty hard to shoot pictures when you're the bride!), but will ask my mother-in-law to email me some soon to post on here. I do have this photo of my bouquet to share:

Didn't it turn out well? (Bear in mind that I shot this photo the morning after the wedding, so a little wilt is visible.) My only requests were that it be primarily white (with only a small amount of pink, if necessary) and that it be composed entirely of flowers native to Hawaii.

After our wedding ceremony, we celebrated with a delicious dinner at Merriman's Kapalua, which is located right on Kapalua Bay. Eating at Merriman's was a very sweet gift to me from MM: he normally eschews any type of "foodie" eating establishments and is by no means an epicure, unless one considers Red Lobster and Outback Steakhouse "fine dining." LOL

Really, that pretty much sums up our trips. The only things I forgot to mention: MM attended (and enjoyed) some--though not all--of the tournament's games on Tuesday and Wednesday (duh!); and I did some shopping and unscheduled exploring of Maui's northwest shore with my mother-in-law on Tuesday. (The "unscheduled exploring" came as a result of my driving past the turnoff for Fleming Beach when I went to scout the location. When we saw the breathtaking scenery, we didn't want to turn back! And I haven't seen so many shades of green since Ireland!)

I had a tranquil and relaxing week and would go back to Maui in a heartbeat. . . even though flying over 6 hours there and back--not including delays--is no picnic.

So now I'm an old married lady. (And no, I don't feel any different.)

We're back

211.6

I only have time for a quick check-in, and I haven't even uploaded my photos from my camera yet. . . . but I wanted to say that I'm alive and married and back from Maui. We had a wonderful trip, our wedding was perfect--just what we wanted--and I really enjoyed seeing my sis and nephew the weekend before, too.

I'm back at work today and still trying to work my way through my inbox. I hope to write a comprehensive entry--complete with photos--by the end of the weekend.

P.S. I stepped on the scale with much trepidation this morning, thinking that it'd be way up after a week of eating with abandon. How awesome is it that I weigh about the same as before I left? Not that weighing 211+ is awesome, but it could be much worse. . .