Tuesday, April 03, 2007

When it rains. . . .

Sebastian & I were finally able to return home last night; SL moved to his new apartment yesterday. Predictably, he left some of his things--and a big mess--behind. But at least we are no longer living together.
In the midst of my personal crisis w/SL, I got a call from my mom early, early Saturday morning telling me that my stepdad had passed away. He had been in the hospital with pneumonia since March 20th and has been in declining health for the last few years, so his death was not entirely unexpected, but sad nonetheless. My mom seems to be coping OK, though she says she feels "like there's a hole inside me." They were together for over 27 years; I was 9 years old the first time I met him.
The small silver lining in the black cloud that is my breakup with SL is that my trial calendar for this week and next has been kept clear for months. . . allowing me to fly to Ohio to be with my mom for my stepdad's memorial service this Saturday. My sister and I will be flying to Columbus from our respective homes Thursday and driving together to Mom's rural Ohio home. Honestly, had Jim passed away two or three weeks from now, I would have had a very difficult time arranging my schedule to be there for my mom. So one little good thing has come out of cancelling our wedding.
Mom was worried that I would be upset that she set the memorial service on the date that was supposed to be my wedding day. I'm not upset at all; it is my fervent hope that in two or three years, April 7th will have no significance in my life.
That's my current life in a nutshell. Work is the same as ever, busy, one thing after another. Having a lot to do at work has probably helped keep me sane over the past several days. My trial schedule in late April and May is quite full, and I even have a few trials set already in June and July. . . so I should continue to be busy at work. And I've made a conscious decision NOT to actively look for another job until at least Labor Day. (Not to say that I will scorn any good opportunities that come my way.) I want to take a few months just to adjust to my newly-single status.
When I return from Ohio, I'll only have another week or so in the apartment SL & I shared before I move to a house. The house, which belongs to my supervisor, is a very cute 2-bedroom, 2 bath with a den, yard, and 2-car garage several miles northwest of where I currently live. SL & I were supposed to move there together at the end of April, but despite that fact, I think it will be a good place for me to make a new start: totally unfamiliar part of town, different route to work, far from SL, and no associations with our relationship. My supervisor & I have worked out an arrangement where I am only paying her what I'd be paying for a one-bedroom apartment. It's to her advantage to have the house occupied by someone she trusts, and I am obviously reaping a huge benefit because she could get twice the rent on the open market.
I'm also joining Jenny Craig when I get back. Yes, I've blogged about this before, and about trying to lose weight in other ways, too, but this time I will follow through. I've already made the intake appointment for April 10th. My focus is going to be on myself again for the first time in a long time; I think that shift in focus will help me to do what I didn't/couldn't do while I was with SL. The change in neighborhood is also going to help me get out and walk the dog more, simply because the area is more conducive to that than where we currently live.
I am still sad, but I am hopeful that I will eventually feel better.


Anonymous said...

Yay for taking the Jenny Craig step! I think that you will like it especially when traveling a lot.

I know things are hard now....been there with an ex fiancee...but just feel and let yourself go through all of those emotions and it will get better.