Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Fear and (self-)loathing in Phoenix


Yep, you read that number correctly. My weight continues to creep up. I haven't been to the gym in at least a month. I'm back to eating 1-2 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, if that.

Most of my clothes are fitting tighter. There are a few pairs of pants I don't even wear to work anymore because they are too uncomfortable to sit in all day.

Today I woke up feeling anxious for no reason I could pinpoint, even before stepping on the scale. . . . a tight feeling in my chest, heart beating faster than normal, hard to take a good, deep breath. I caught sight of my a$$ in the mirror before getting in the shower and was totally disgusted. (I don't know how my poor thin husband can stand to look at me, let alone touch me.)

As I sit at my desk contemplating the work I need to accomplish today, I am on the verge of tears. Not sure what is wrong with me today.

I doubt anyone ever accomplished much by hating herself. But that seems to be where I'm at.

Oh, and if you want some positive talk about weight loss, visit this site. I stumbled across it a few months ago and have really enjoyed reading it. . . . not that it has motivated me to do anything about my own obesity.