Saturday, September 09, 2006

Lack of resolve

(have not weighed for a few days)

I had to laugh when I looked at the exercise goal that I posted for myself last time. I have not exercised once since my last blog entry. We didn't even go to the gym & lift weights this week, let alone did I do any aerobic exercise.

I think I have given up on the idea that I am going to lose any significant amount of weight any time soon. I went ahead and ordered my wedding dress Thursday in my current size. It is supposed to arrive the first week of January, so three full months before the wedding. That should give me plenty of time to get any needed alterations done.

I'm not really sure what my hang-up is re the whole weight loss thing. I'm just not "in the game" mentally. I can be dedicated for a few days or even a week. . . and then my resolve just dissolves and I revert to unhealthy habits.

I wish I could recapture that weight loss fervor I had back in 2003 and early 2004. From January to April 2003, I lost 35 lbs with really minimal effort. Really. I mean, I counted points and I exercised three times a week, but I didn't do much more than that. My main exercise was a brisk walk, and I rarely ate the 5 servings of fruits/veggies WW recommends, at least in the beginning. At the time, a friend said I was losing weight "like a snake shedding its skin" and that was pretty much true.

Post-Zoloft, however, my losses, if any, have come much, much more slowly. And I just don't seem to have the commitment to the whole exercise/weight loss regime that I had back then. Well.

I had a decent week at work. One very sad thing: my friend L, whom I have known since law school and who had been working at our office longer than me, has resigned. (Yesterday was her last day.) I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. She was one of those people whose office I could go to if I needed to vent or just get input about a sticky situation. Plus she is just way cool and fun; always able to put a smile on my face.

The saddest thing I've experienced at my current workplace is having so many of my friends leave. Of the group of lawyers I started with, five have now left (only me & two others are still there). I have to honestly say that I considered three of those five friends, and I really liked a fourth (the fifth person: I was glad he left, never liked). These numbers don't even include the staff members who have resigned or the people who worked on other trial teams who I only knew slightly but liked. It's depressing. I only have three people in the office now whom I consider trusted friends. That's not to say that I don't like my other colleagues; it's just that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else a secret or revealing uncertainty. Ah well. There are far more people left who I don't trust and cannot rely upon, and that's an unhappy circumstance.

SL got a call back for a 2nd interview from the firm that interviewed him last week. We are both really, really hoping he gets this job. He has been increasingly unhappy in his current position, so he needs a change. Also, this job will pay at least $30,000 a year more than he is making now. I can't even begin to describe what a difference that money would make to us as a couple. Within a year, he would be able to pay off all of his credit cards and buy a house. Not to mention we would no longer have to go into debt to finance the wedding. And we would actually be able to afford to have a child then. . . hell, I might even be able to work part-time for a while. . . a circumstance that's only a dream in our current financial situation. I pray they hire him!

We are off to Phoenix today to go watch the Diamondbacks play the St. Louis Cardinals. We are going to visit our friends M & A and their newborn daughter, too. Fun!