Funk

218.2

I have once again been MIA from the blog for a while.  Decreased attention to weight loss seems to equal decreased attention to the blog lately.

I have been feeling particularly low for the last couple of days about two situations which are mostly outside my control.  One is something that I don't intend to talk about on this blog (not my marriage), and the other is work.  One of the legal nurse consultants at my firm was laid off last week due to decreased workload, and the two named partners who run the firm on a day-to-day basis told me yesterday that they are likely going to lay off one of the secretaries as well for the same reason.

Couple these layoffs with the facts that I have been experiencing a decrease in my own workload over the past few months, I know the other associate attorney at my firm is also short of work, and I am the newer of the two associates by several years, and I'm sure you can see why I am worried that I may be laid off next.

I have applied for a couple of positions by sending my resume this week, and I have plans to apply for a couple more which have longer, more complicated application processes in the next week or so.  I have put the word out among my attorney friends in my city that I am looking.  Now there is not much more I can do except wait and hope that I find something before the axe drops at my current job.

None of the positions I've seen, including the ones I am applying for, are exactly what I want to be doing for a job. . . . but we are heavily dependent on my income, and beggars can't be choosers.

I am not despairing, and I think perhaps some good may even come out of this situation in the end.  I have known for a while that my current position was not going to be my job for the rest of my career, and so this may be the spur I need to move on to something else.  However, I hate the tension at the office; I hate the stress over not being able to bill enough hours; and I am not really happy about basically being forced to look for another job, rather than choosing to do so in my own time.

My other situation, as I mentioned, is not for public consumption.  Suffice it to say, it is something that has been getting me down for a while and has gotten worse of late.  I have very little power or control over changing the situation, which just makes it more difficult for me to tolerate.  It is not a situation where I am willing to just make me peace and accept the status quo.

In an attempt to exercise some control over something I CAN control, I am going to start working on losing weight again.  I am going away Thursday night for the whole weekend, but when I return, I am going to work out for 30 minutes minimum six days a week and eat nothing but whole foods.  I'll likely be blogging more for some accountability.

I am also going to do the hCG diet when we return from San Diego in July.  (I have to wait because I have to get my PCP's approval and some labwork done, and I also needed to pick a time when I would be in town for three weeks straight.)  I posted about the diet a few weeks ago as a possibility, but now I have actually made the appointments necessary to get started.  (If you are interested in learning more about the exact hCG diet I will be following, you can read about it here.)

I have some doubts about whether I can follow a 500 calories/day diet for three weeks, and I am not entirely sure that doing so is healthy. . . . but I am desperate to do something drastic about my weight.  I know two people in real life and three online who have successfully lost 20 lbs or more doing this program, and I am going to give it a shot.

So that's where I'm at.  Hoping that some positive action will help me shake my current funk.

Hmm

219.0

I'm relieved to see a number under 220 on the scale this morning. I guess I was just retaining water the past few days?

Sad that 219 can inspire feelings of relief rather than revulsion and a desire to reduce the number. . . .

Stymied

220.6 (Oh.My.God)

The number on the scale this morning is appalling to me. I am hoping that it is primarily a result of bad food choices yesterday and water retention associated with those bad food choices (which included orange chicken, a huge burrito, and In N Out burger). I have been in the 217-218 range of late, which is bad enough, but not over 220. Alarming.

I'm frustrated because I have a medical situation going on which is preventing me from exercising as much or as vigorously as I would like. I know from experience that any positive change in my eating habits will not result in weight loss for me unless I am also working out regularly at a moderate-to-high intensity. Because I know that diet alone will not help me lose weight, the fact that I can't exercise as hard or as often as I need to in order to lose weight means I have even less motivation to change my diet than usual. Ugh.

The one positive thing I have to report is that my headaches have decreased of late. I'm not sure if this is just a coincidence--my headaches do seem to naturally ebb and flow--or a result of my following the tips in this book, which I read just before Memorial Day. I have cut a number of foods out of my diet which I used to eat regularly, based on the book's recommendations. (You can find the list of foods which the author names as potential migraine triggers here.)

I had previously eliminated alcohol, MSG, and cured meats from my diet, but I wasn't even aware that many of the foods listed in this book could trigger migraines. Raisins? Bananas? Who knew?

In addition to the migraines that I get on a fairly regular basis, I also usually have what I would describe as tension headaches nearly every day. . . . or at least 4-5 days a week. Over the past week, I have had four completely headache-free days, and I have only taken two doses of aspirin and one dose of extra-strength Tylenol in the past week plus. To people who don't suffer from chronic headaches, this may sound like no big deal, but for years I have regularly taken Advil and/or Excedrin at least 3-4 days a week, sometimes multiple doses a day, for my headaches. . . . in addition to taking Imitrex for moderate-to-severe migraines. So having used only three doses of any medication in nine days is huge for me.

Also, I quit my daily cup of coffee a little over two months ago, but I had not eliminated caffeine 100% from my diet. I still had an occasional soda or iced tea when I ate out--which I do frequently--and took Excedrin, which contains caffeine, for headaches. As of today I have been completely caffeine-free for nine days. I feel I am actually concentrating better than I did when I was drinking coffee every morning.

I am giving serious consideration to doing the hCG diet later this summer, when I am medically permitted to. (You can read about the exact diet I'm considering here.) I know a few people in real life, as well as a few online, who have lost 15-20 lbs in three weeks following this program and have kept it off after returning to regular eating. I could really use the jump-start to get back on track.

The two downsides I see are the cost ($600+) and the strictness of the eating plan. MM thinks it isn't worth the money if there is a chance I will regain the weight. . . . but isn't there always a chance of that, with any diet? I lost 35 lbs the "right" (healthful) way, using Weight Watchers in 2003, and I regained all that weight; today I weigh even more than I did when I started Weight Watchers (I was a little over 212 then).

I don't know. If I do the diet, I need to do it during three weeks when I have no travel or social obligations, so it's not even a possibility until later in the summer.

Aside from feeling stuck in regard to my weight and better in regard to my headaches, not much to report. Work is a combination of boredom and stress. I am way over-scheduled for this month but am looking forward to seeing my sister and nephew this coming weekend. With our second 110-degree day in a row, I have reached the time of year when I question my choice to live in Phoenix.