Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Be careful what you ask for. . .

I finished this week's trial today; the jury went out to deliberate around 2:20 this afternoon. We were called back to court a little before 4:00 because the jurors wanted to watch the DVD of the defendant's statement again. They are coming back to resume deliberations at 8:45 in the morning, so I should have a verdict some time tomorrow.

My boss (the chief criminal deputy) had his secretary email me to set up a 15-minute meeting with him on Friday. He didn't tell her why he wants to see me, and I really hate that. I don't think he realizes the effect this kind of summons has on his employees. I anticipate that the reason he wants to meet with me is to tell me that he has made a decision about the open S.V.U. position, but I'm not sure. . . so I will probably be stewing about it on a subconscious level until Friday morning. Just what I need, more stress at work.

To be completely honest, at this point, I hope he does *not* decide to place me in the position. Ever since I expressed my interest, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the possible change, as well as talking to a lot of my friends--in and out of the office--about it. I've come to the realization that, while professionally this is something that I really have a passion for and want to do, I don't think this is the right time in my life to undertake this challenge.

I am getting married in just a little over 6 months, and SL & I would like to have a child shortly after our first wedding anniversary, if possible. I have wanted to be a mom for a very long time, and I feel sure that when/if it finally happens, I am not going to want to have an all-consuming job. Were I to prosecute sex crimes and child abuse cases, I know I would not be able to leave my work at the office. . . hell, I can't even do that now, and I only prosecute property crimes! Continuing to work full time after having a baby will be hard enough without having such a stressful, emotionally charged job.

Well, it's out of my hands. We'll see what happens. My instinct is that I am not going to get the position anyway--he thinks I don't have enough felony trial experience--and I'm OK with that. In fact, I want to not get it at this point.

I've even been thinking about changing jobs. I am not unhappy at work, and I do like doing trials. But doing "12-15" trials a year (the stated expectation of my boss) does not sound like it would be appealing once I am the mother of a small child. In the city where we live, there are not very many other prosecutorial agencies for which I can work, and the few that there are do not often have open positions. But I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open and apply for anything that seems like it would be a good fit.

SL had his 4th (& final) interview for the job at G&O. He met with the managing partner yesterday afternoon. He said he had a good feeling about the interview. He was told that he would be called next week with their decision. I hope he gets it!

I want to get back to eating healthier & exercising, but I'm so preoccupied with work at the moment. I feel like I am treading water; it's all I can do just to stay afloat.