Not guilty

I finished this week's trial yesterday; it was my first loss since misdemeanors. In retrospect, it was such a weak case factually that I probably should've sought a deviation from my supervisor and dismissed it. Ah well. Live and learn. It was my first felony acquittal; I am now 6-1 in felonies.

It's really not about winning and losing, though. It's about justice being done. And I believe that justice WAS done in this case. Not because I think the defendants were innocent--I don't--but because we couldn't prove that they were guilty. In our system. . . a system in which I firmly believe. . . any "draw" goes to the defendants. That's why I say the jury reached the right conclusion, even though it meant a loss for me.

On to the next one. I'm nervous about next week's trial because the charge is child molestation. This will be the most serious offense I've ever tried, and I care a lot about getting a good outcome for the victim and her family. Keep your fingers crossed for me. . . and pray if you do that.

Eating-wise, I've been doing better, but still not great. We have been eating more veggies, which was the main thing we wanted to focus on first. I still ate too much extraneous crap this week, though: happy hour one evening, potluck at work, and lunch out with a friend. And no, I didn't make good choices in the face of temptation in any of those three situations. ;)

I'm proud to say that SL and I have eaten dinner at home (home cooked) every evening this week. That's an improvement!

Not much else to tell. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday!

Starting over again. . .

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since I blogged! Not sure why I've neglected to write for so long.

I spent 4 days of last week over 200 miles from home at a (very useful) training for work. I missed SL & Sebastian, but otherwise enjoyed myself. The weather was much cooler there, and I have to say it was nice to get back to daytime highs in the 80's! :)

I went grocery shopping today and bought healthy food for the week. Yes, folks, I am once again attempting to do something about my weight problem. My weight has been holding steady at around 225 for a couple of months now. (How disturbing that I find this OK!) Even by the most conservative & generous estimates, I am 75-80 lbs overweight. And I am out of shape: at the course I attended, we stayed at a lovely historic hotel with a very old-fashioned elevator that could only be operated by employees. So I often had to make the 2-flight trek up to my room, and I was ashamed to find that it left me winded. How sad!!

I have a stressful next two weeks, so I'm not going to put too much pressure on myself. . . baby steps. I have healthful snacks for my desk, and I have all the food I need to pack healthy lunches and cook at home. I'll start with that and see how it goes.

Hooray for Columbus

My friend KKL left early this morning after visiting for the weekend. And I do mean early: we had to wake up shortly after 5 am to get her to the airport on time.

It was fun hanging out with her. We went with friends to the REO Speedwagon concert last night, after going for a hike yesterday morning and hanging out at the mall.

I have the day off from work. I rarely think of Christopher Columbus, but I'm sure glad he "discovered" the "new world": otherwise I'd be at the office today. :)

I overate most of the weekend. KKL is a lifetime member of WW who weighs 135, so it certainly wasn't because of "bad influence;" just my usual penchant for turning every social occasion into an excuse to make a pig of myself. Pasta with cream sauce both nights, plus more-than-my-share of bread, cookie & pretzel at the mall after lunch yesterday, few veggies & no fruit.

I actually ate a healthy breakfast this morning: Kashi Heart-to-heart cereal and 1% milk. I'm going to make an effort to eat more healthfully this week.

It's been raining here intermittently since yesterday evening. Odd time of year for us to be getting rain.

I'm off to enjoy my extra day off!

Be careful what you ask for. . .

I finished this week's trial today; the jury went out to deliberate around 2:20 this afternoon. We were called back to court a little before 4:00 because the jurors wanted to watch the DVD of the defendant's statement again. They are coming back to resume deliberations at 8:45 in the morning, so I should have a verdict some time tomorrow.

My boss (the chief criminal deputy) had his secretary email me to set up a 15-minute meeting with him on Friday. He didn't tell her why he wants to see me, and I really hate that. I don't think he realizes the effect this kind of summons has on his employees. I anticipate that the reason he wants to meet with me is to tell me that he has made a decision about the open S.V.U. position, but I'm not sure. . . so I will probably be stewing about it on a subconscious level until Friday morning. Just what I need, more stress at work.

To be completely honest, at this point, I hope he does *not* decide to place me in the position. Ever since I expressed my interest, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the possible change, as well as talking to a lot of my friends--in and out of the office--about it. I've come to the realization that, while professionally this is something that I really have a passion for and want to do, I don't think this is the right time in my life to undertake this challenge.

I am getting married in just a little over 6 months, and SL & I would like to have a child shortly after our first wedding anniversary, if possible. I have wanted to be a mom for a very long time, and I feel sure that when/if it finally happens, I am not going to want to have an all-consuming job. Were I to prosecute sex crimes and child abuse cases, I know I would not be able to leave my work at the office. . . hell, I can't even do that now, and I only prosecute property crimes! Continuing to work full time after having a baby will be hard enough without having such a stressful, emotionally charged job.

Well, it's out of my hands. We'll see what happens. My instinct is that I am not going to get the position anyway--he thinks I don't have enough felony trial experience--and I'm OK with that. In fact, I want to not get it at this point.

I've even been thinking about changing jobs. I am not unhappy at work, and I do like doing trials. But doing "12-15" trials a year (the stated expectation of my boss) does not sound like it would be appealing once I am the mother of a small child. In the city where we live, there are not very many other prosecutorial agencies for which I can work, and the few that there are do not often have open positions. But I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open and apply for anything that seems like it would be a good fit.

SL had his 4th (& final) interview for the job at G&O. He met with the managing partner yesterday afternoon. He said he had a good feeling about the interview. He was told that he would be called next week with their decision. I hope he gets it!

I want to get back to eating healthier & exercising, but I'm so preoccupied with work at the moment. I feel like I am treading water; it's all I can do just to stay afloat.

October has 31 days; 2 down

I woke up at 6:15 this morning, feeling mostly refreshed and ready to greet the day. I intended to go for my 2-mile walk with Sebastian, but instead I lay around in bed. Despite having risen an hour earlier than usual, I ended up at work only about 15 minutes earlier than I normally do.

I had a busy & stressful day at work. I planned to spend my afternoon preparing for my trial (I was in court all morning), and I did spend some time doing that. . . but more time was spent "putting out fires" and answering questions for my staff. (sigh)

It's only 9:15, and I'm already so tired. I will probably go to bed as soon as I finish this post. It's gonna be a long week.

My food choices today were OK. I had no breakfast, salad for lunch, and hot dogs & crackers for dinner, followed by a bowl of lowfat granola cereal for a snack. Drank lots of water as usual. Had no caffeine today and was surprised that I didn't really miss it.

Tomorrow afternoon is SL's interview with the managing partner of G&O. I hope he gets the job!

Had a nice chat with a couple of my law school friends after work, as well as a nice talk with my friend H on the way to work this morning. (H's newer baby girl is 1 month old today!) I also talked to my sis, and she is doing fine; fighting off a cold, but her pregnancy is going OK and she is surviving her bedrest (starting week #3).

Buenas noches!

Welcome to my nervous breakdown

(not weighing because I can't even be bothered)

Here I am, in my office on a Sunday, because I have so much f$%*in' work to do. I am in trial again starting Tuesday and lasting through Friday--and I have an evidentiary hearing tomorrow morning that will last at least until lunch--so I will have zero time in my office this week.

I am majorly stressed. I don't know how I am going to get through the next two months. Seriously. Just the work I have currently is more than I am going to be able to handle. . . and I know that other tasks will be coming my way because that's how it works in this office. I have three cases set for trial in November that I have only made a cursory review of; one of them is set for a date that I am out of the office for the birth of my nephew, so I'm going to have to try to beg someone else to take the trial for me. (Did I mention that an email has already gone out looking for someone to pick up an extra trial on that date for another attorney?) I have several other cases that have been recently acssigned to me that I have not reviewed, so I don't know if they are going to trial or not. And this applies only to my property & narcotics caseload; I also have my three new sex cases to factor in now. . . and they are all set for trial (one on 10/31, one on 12/12, and one on 12/19). It's going to take me a while just to get up to speed as to the law in those cases--an unfamiliar area for me--let alone the facts of the cases themselves.

AAAAARGGGHHHH!!!! I am going to lose my mind. I really do not see how I am going to handle all this.

My half-a$$ efforts at weight loss are really the furthest thing from my mind right now. I haven't exercised in over a month--my September challenge? HA! I never exercised AT ALL in September. . . not ONE minute, let alone 500 minutes.

Our home is in its usual state of chaos. . . and as usual, SL is little-to-no help in that department. I'll give the man credit: he can cook, he likes to cook, and he generally cleans up the kitchen after himself. But he is worse about leaving clutter around than I am. . . and that's saying something. And as far as deep cleaning goes, forget it: he has never swept or mopped the kitchen floor once in the nearly one year we've lived in that apartment. He's never dusted, and if he does laundry, it's his and none of mine (he claims I don't like the way he does my laundry. . . which is partially true, but wouldn't it be kinder to do it my way than to refuse to do it all??).

SL has promised me that the two overflowing baskets of his mail that have accumulated over the past several months (the man rarely ever opens his mail) will be cleared up before he goes to bed tonight. He rarely breaks his word, so I imagine he will actually get that done. . . probably not before *I* go to bed, but sometime before I get up tomorrow. He also has three overflowing baskets of CLEAN laundry (that *I* washed) to put away; he hasn't touched those in weeks either.

I let SL know that I won't wash any more of his clothes until/unless he puts away his clean laundry. Knowing him & his stubbornness, I anticipate I will be doing only *my* laundry when I return home this evening. . . . which just means that the bedroom hamper will still be full--of his clothes--even after I do laundry.

Well, as good as bitching about my situation feels, it's not getting anything done around here. So I'm gonna close and get back to work.

If you pray, pray for me. :)