Abandoned

I've essentially abandoned this blog, no posts in over a year. Oh well. For anyone who still reads, I wanted to share that I gave birth to twin boys in January. They are great, and I love being a mom. :-)

I never post here anymore

Apologies to anyone who still checks this blog. Between my new job, which blocks blogger, and another blog I write, I don't post much here anymore.

Ironically enough, though, I am making some progress on weight loss. My sister and I have been following the Metabolism Miracle program for the past 5+ weeks. I weighed 222.2 when we started and 207.8 this morning, so I have lost 14.4 lbs so far. I've also been doing a 3-times-a-week morning "boot camp" and doing basic yoga on three other days.

Just wanted to post to say I'm still alive and finally tackling my weight problem again.

Not about the scale

219.0

I have been "eating clean" for over a week, and I have to say, I am feeling great. My energy level is generally higher, with no ups and downs during the day; I wake up feeling refreshed, not sluggish; even when I have a headache, I don't feel like I just want to crawl in bed (unless it's a bad migraine); I have had no heartburn or GI upset whatsoever. I'm only hungry at appropriate times--i.e., when I haven't eaten for a few hours--and I'm never STARVING and have had no food cravings.

My eating has not been perfect. I could probably stand to get in more servings of veggies, and I haven't worked much yet on limiting my portions. But progress not perfection.

Despite the improvement in my eating habits, the scale hasn't really moved much. And you know what? That's OK.

Yeah, of course I would like to lose weight. I am about 70 lbs overweight by a conservative measurement (top end of my weight range, or highest BMI which isn't "overweight"). I think I am coming to the realization, though, that I like eating this way for other reasons aside from trying to be thinner.

I like the way I've been feeling physically. I know it is beneficial to my health in other ways besides promoting weight loss. I believe that, long term, eating this way will lead me to have a lower risk of heart disease and fewer migraines.

One thing I have learned about my body over the years is that it is next to impossible for me to lose weight through diet change alone. In order to lose weight, I must also exercise. I know this is not the case for everyone, but I've known this about myself for at least 10 years, so it's no surprise.

I think I am on the right track with changing my eating habits for the better. That's not to say that I am "cured" of making poor food choices. I'm sure there will be times when I will slip up and eat something processed or sugary or made with white flour. Right now, though, I am feeling good about the choices I am making, and I want to capture this feeling to motivate me to persevere when temptations and slips will inevitably come.

Now to get back on track with exercise. I hit the gym last night for a 25-minute elliptical workout and some upper body weights. It wasn't much, but it's a start.

And what do you know--after my workout, I felt FANTASTIC.

Solid

219.0

The number above is solid; I have seen it, or something just marginally higher, the past three mornings. It's a modest decrease, but I'll take it.

I am really liking this clean eating thing, and so far, I am not feeling deprived. I had lunch with my BFF Saturday and had sliced mango for dessert (instead of my usual choice of brownie a la mode). I was able to stick with my plan at dinner out that night despite MM's choice of the chocolate chunk pizzookie for dessert.

The one area which I haven't yet kicked into gear is exercise. Yesterday was literally the only day in over a week when I did not wake up with a headache or develop one within a few hours of waking up. Today I tried to power my way through without medication but had to give up the battle after about two hours for fear of my escalating headache.

I'm feeling motivated to re-start. I have more energy generally eating this way--which is interesting, because usually having headaches saps my energy--and I even checked out the gym in my work complex last Friday (thinking that the greater convenience might lead to my working out more regularly). But I just can't exercise when I have a headache. Doing anything which elevates my heart rate just makes my headaches worse, no matter what medication I've taken to control them.

Oh well; it is what it is. I am going to keep focusing on the eating piece until I get to a place where I can jump back into exercise. Maybe I will feel OK tomorrow and be able to go to the gym then.

Dear Universe

220.0 (OK, still UGH, but trending down)

Dear Universe,

If it is at all possible, could I please have one headache-free day this week? I know that the makers of Ad.vil, Ex.ced.rin, and aspirin need to stay in business, but I think I've done enough for them of late.

Maybe if I could actually spend one whole day without a headache, I could get back to the gym. Just sayin'.

Kthxbai.

Clean eating

219.6

The weight above is a blip, caused by dehydration and not eating much yesterday due to having a migraine all afternoon. I have been trending around 222-223 of late. Ugh.

A while back, I read this book. At the time I thought "Wow, this would be really great to try." But I didn't try it.

Starting today, I am trying it. I started the day with one of the most filling breakfasts I have ever eaten:

• 1/2 cup Ezekiel 4:9 cereal
• 7 oz Fage 2% yogurt
• 6 sliced strawberries
• 1 tbsp wheat germ
• 1 packet Stevia

I ate this breakfast nearly three hours ago and am still feeling full. The way I feel right now, I may never eat again. ;-)

Healthy, "clean" lunch and snacks are packed and ready to eat. I am skipping exercise today since I am still not 100% after migraines the past two days

We'll see how this goes. . . . .

Fear and (self-)loathing in Phoenix

221.2

Yep, you read that number correctly. My weight continues to creep up. I haven't been to the gym in at least a month. I'm back to eating 1-2 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, if that.

Most of my clothes are fitting tighter. There are a few pairs of pants I don't even wear to work anymore because they are too uncomfortable to sit in all day.

Today I woke up feeling anxious for no reason I could pinpoint, even before stepping on the scale. . . . a tight feeling in my chest, heart beating faster than normal, hard to take a good, deep breath. I caught sight of my a$$ in the mirror before getting in the shower and was totally disgusted. (I don't know how my poor thin husband can stand to look at me, let alone touch me.)

As I sit at my desk contemplating the work I need to accomplish today, I am on the verge of tears. Not sure what is wrong with me today.

I doubt anyone ever accomplished much by hating herself. But that seems to be where I'm at.

Oh, and if you want some positive talk about weight loss, visit this site. I stumbled across it a few months ago and have really enjoyed reading it. . . . not that it has motivated me to do anything about my own obesity.

(tap,tap) Hello? Is this thing on?

I seem to have (mostly) abandoned my blog. Too bad, as it was five years ago this month that I started it.

Even more sad: I am heavier today than the first time I posted. By a lot. Though I didn't post my weight for the first few months, the first post on which I did include my actual weight said I was 202.4 pounds (and I was horrified by this number).

This morning's weight was 18 pounds heavier than that. Yep, I tipped the scales at 220.4 this morning. Yikes.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm not recommitting today to improving my eating or to exercising. Even *I* am sick of hearing myself make the same old promises to myself to get in shape and be healthier and never keeping them, at least not in the longer term.

I guess I just wanted to check in and acknowledge my exceptional fatness and failure.

10/27/10

213.2 (official JC WI on Fri. 10/22--did not weigh since)

I did return to Jenny Craig last Friday, as planned. However, I really didn't re-start the plan until Monday. So we'll see if I lose any weight this week.

Life is hectic and crazy this week. It is my last week at my current job, and in typical fashion, I have left a bunch of must-do projects until the last minute. I am also going out of town for the weekend (MM and I are going to Disneyland, yea) and starting my new job on Monday.

So I haven't jumped back on the exercise wagon yet, but with all I have going on this week, I am being kind to myself.

Hope to report going great guns again soon!

Turning myself in

213.2 (was 215.2 yesterday!)

I'm going back to Jenny Craig on Friday. I've been off the rails for long enough and need to get back to the hard work of losing weight.

Stay tuned.

Off again

211.6

I decided not to go to Jen.ny Craig last Friday because I still had eight days' worth of lunches and dinners. I ate out a lot over the weekend, which is usual for me, but I have continued to eat out since, which is not.

My choices haven't been terrible but they certainly haven't been the choices of anyone who is seriously trying to lose weight.

So I guess I am kind-of off the wagon again.

209.6

My week has been fair. I still have yet to make it to the gym, though I may go tonight. I have had a few things I've eaten which were off-plan--for example, I was craving guacamole all day Monday and had some Monday night, with chips--but overall, not too bad.

I hope this number holds through Friday morning's weigh-in! We shall see.

The irony

209.6 (at home)
210.4 (official JC WI)

The irony of the fact that I officially lost 1.4 lbs this week is that I put in minimal effort. I didn't go to the gym a single time (though I did walk the dogs 5 nights, but that is far from vigorous exercise). I didn't eat all my vegetable servings each day. I had cravings for bread and for a bean burrito on two different days, and I gave in to them, resulting in 250 calories each day that were not planned or budgeted for.

And yet I lost weight.

WTF? What about the weeks when I've busted my hump and lost little or nothing?!

Oh well. I'll take it!

I'll take it

211.6 (at home)
211.8 (at official JC weigh-in)

Just a quick update to say that I officially lost 2.8 lbs this past week but really, am more just back to where I was before my sister's visit.

Hoping for a better week this week. . . . I really want to get under 210!

Bleh

210.6

I have been slowly getting back on track this week. Yesterday I ate on plan except for not quite getting in all my required fruits and veggies. Still, I did get in three servings, which is better than I usually do when eating on my own.

I woke up today feeling exhausted and off. Not sure what that's about, but it certainly isn't helpful on a day when I have a lot of (mostly boring) work to complete for three deadlines tomorrow. Ugh.

In light of how crappy I'm feeling and how much work I have (which will likely keep me at the office until late), I've decided to skip the gym one more day. Yes, I would probably ultimately have more energy if I worked out, but I just can't face it today. I am dealing with a couple of other things personally--waiting to see whether I get a job offer, for one--so I am going to be gentle with myself this week.

Minimal damage done

211.6

The scale showed the exact same number this morning as it did six days ago, when I wrote my last post. Whew. Guess I didn't do too much damage with my off-plan eating this weekend. I tried not to go crazy, but I know I didn't always make the healthiest choices, and my exercise consisted of a little swimming, a couple of walks with the dogs, and A LOT of chasing after my nephew.

I had a wonderful visit with my sister and nephew! I will post some photos from the visit when I finish editing them (soon); I took 175 photos!

Today my gym bag is packed, I brought a healthy lunch to work, and I've just gotten started on the three liters of water I plan to drink today. Onward and upward.

Hiatus

211.6

I am taking a li'l hiatus from Jenny Craig through next week. I wasn't great about staying on-plan last week, and my sister is coming into town tomorrow.

In light of this, I am merely hoping to maintain, rather than lose. Wish me luck.

Gotcha

210.6

Wednesday the 25th was Sebastian's "Gotcha Day" (as his rescue organization calls it), the anniversary of the date when I adopted him. It's hard to believe he has been my dog for EIGHT years! I have now had him longer than I had my previous dog Saffron, who missed eight years by less than two weeks.

Sebastian has his annoying habits, just like any dog, but he is super-smart, friendly and lovable. My life has been immeasurably enriched by having him in it for the past eight years.

Thank you, Sebastian, for being such a wonderful companion!

(The photo of him above was taken during our engagement photo session in October 2008.)

Hmm

210.6

I can't quite figure out why I always seem to weigh less in the days right after my weekly weigh-in than I do on the day of my weigh-in.

So anyway. . . .

211.8 (at home)
212.4 (official JC WI)

I am a day late weighing in this week--had to go out of town for a deposition yesterday--and still only down 0.3 lbs from last week. Honestly? Given the level of effort I put into my eating last week, I'll take it.

My week started out well, and I did make it to the gym four times. . . . but I ate four more meals out than I'd planned--I actually ate more dinners & lunches out than on plan--and I didn't always make the best choices. (Witness last night's stop at In N Out Burger on the way home from Tucson and the pasta I ordered last Saturday when grilled salmon & vegetables was available instead.)

So what is the take-home lesson from last week? For one thing, I need to be better about adjusting when plans change, interfering with my planned menu for the day. On at least two occasions, I could've made a healthier choice and did not. I also still need to eat more fruits and vegetables; I got in at least 5 servings most days but could've done better.

On the other hand, I'm not going to beat myself up. Overall, I am generally making better choices, and even the "slips" I had this week were not as bad as they could've been. For instance, yes, I ate In N Out Burger last night, but I got a single burger, rather than my usual double, and drank a diet soda rather than my usual Dr Pepper or lemonade. I could've ordered pasta with a cream sauce or cheese but instead I opted for pasta with shrimp in an arrabiata sauce.

And let's face it: I am faced with temptations every day and am trying to overcome years of bad habits, so lasting change isn't going to happen overnight.

Moving forward. . . . .