Starting over again. . .

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since I blogged! Not sure why I've neglected to write for so long.

I spent 4 days of last week over 200 miles from home at a (very useful) training for work. I missed SL & Sebastian, but otherwise enjoyed myself. The weather was much cooler there, and I have to say it was nice to get back to daytime highs in the 80's! :)

I went grocery shopping today and bought healthy food for the week. Yes, folks, I am once again attempting to do something about my weight problem. My weight has been holding steady at around 225 for a couple of months now. (How disturbing that I find this OK!) Even by the most conservative & generous estimates, I am 75-80 lbs overweight. And I am out of shape: at the course I attended, we stayed at a lovely historic hotel with a very old-fashioned elevator that could only be operated by employees. So I often had to make the 2-flight trek up to my room, and I was ashamed to find that it left me winded. How sad!!

I have a stressful next two weeks, so I'm not going to put too much pressure on myself. . . baby steps. I have healthful snacks for my desk, and I have all the food I need to pack healthy lunches and cook at home. I'll start with that and see how it goes.

Hooray for Columbus

My friend KKL left early this morning after visiting for the weekend. And I do mean early: we had to wake up shortly after 5 am to get her to the airport on time.

It was fun hanging out with her. We went with friends to the REO Speedwagon concert last night, after going for a hike yesterday morning and hanging out at the mall.

I have the day off from work. I rarely think of Christopher Columbus, but I'm sure glad he "discovered" the "new world": otherwise I'd be at the office today. :)

I overate most of the weekend. KKL is a lifetime member of WW who weighs 135, so it certainly wasn't because of "bad influence;" just my usual penchant for turning every social occasion into an excuse to make a pig of myself. Pasta with cream sauce both nights, plus more-than-my-share of bread, cookie & pretzel at the mall after lunch yesterday, few veggies & no fruit.

I actually ate a healthy breakfast this morning: Kashi Heart-to-heart cereal and 1% milk. I'm going to make an effort to eat more healthfully this week.

It's been raining here intermittently since yesterday evening. Odd time of year for us to be getting rain.

I'm off to enjoy my extra day off!

Be careful what you ask for. . .

I finished this week's trial today; the jury went out to deliberate around 2:20 this afternoon. We were called back to court a little before 4:00 because the jurors wanted to watch the DVD of the defendant's statement again. They are coming back to resume deliberations at 8:45 in the morning, so I should have a verdict some time tomorrow.

My boss (the chief criminal deputy) had his secretary email me to set up a 15-minute meeting with him on Friday. He didn't tell her why he wants to see me, and I really hate that. I don't think he realizes the effect this kind of summons has on his employees. I anticipate that the reason he wants to meet with me is to tell me that he has made a decision about the open S.V.U. position, but I'm not sure. . . so I will probably be stewing about it on a subconscious level until Friday morning. Just what I need, more stress at work.

To be completely honest, at this point, I hope he does *not* decide to place me in the position. Ever since I expressed my interest, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the possible change, as well as talking to a lot of my friends--in and out of the office--about it. I've come to the realization that, while professionally this is something that I really have a passion for and want to do, I don't think this is the right time in my life to undertake this challenge.

I am getting married in just a little over 6 months, and SL & I would like to have a child shortly after our first wedding anniversary, if possible. I have wanted to be a mom for a very long time, and I feel sure that when/if it finally happens, I am not going to want to have an all-consuming job. Were I to prosecute sex crimes and child abuse cases, I know I would not be able to leave my work at the office. . . hell, I can't even do that now, and I only prosecute property crimes! Continuing to work full time after having a baby will be hard enough without having such a stressful, emotionally charged job.

Well, it's out of my hands. We'll see what happens. My instinct is that I am not going to get the position anyway--he thinks I don't have enough felony trial experience--and I'm OK with that. In fact, I want to not get it at this point.

I've even been thinking about changing jobs. I am not unhappy at work, and I do like doing trials. But doing "12-15" trials a year (the stated expectation of my boss) does not sound like it would be appealing once I am the mother of a small child. In the city where we live, there are not very many other prosecutorial agencies for which I can work, and the few that there are do not often have open positions. But I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open and apply for anything that seems like it would be a good fit.

SL had his 4th (& final) interview for the job at G&O. He met with the managing partner yesterday afternoon. He said he had a good feeling about the interview. He was told that he would be called next week with their decision. I hope he gets it!

I want to get back to eating healthier & exercising, but I'm so preoccupied with work at the moment. I feel like I am treading water; it's all I can do just to stay afloat.

October has 31 days; 2 down

I woke up at 6:15 this morning, feeling mostly refreshed and ready to greet the day. I intended to go for my 2-mile walk with Sebastian, but instead I lay around in bed. Despite having risen an hour earlier than usual, I ended up at work only about 15 minutes earlier than I normally do.

I had a busy & stressful day at work. I planned to spend my afternoon preparing for my trial (I was in court all morning), and I did spend some time doing that. . . but more time was spent "putting out fires" and answering questions for my staff. (sigh)

It's only 9:15, and I'm already so tired. I will probably go to bed as soon as I finish this post. It's gonna be a long week.

My food choices today were OK. I had no breakfast, salad for lunch, and hot dogs & crackers for dinner, followed by a bowl of lowfat granola cereal for a snack. Drank lots of water as usual. Had no caffeine today and was surprised that I didn't really miss it.

Tomorrow afternoon is SL's interview with the managing partner of G&O. I hope he gets the job!

Had a nice chat with a couple of my law school friends after work, as well as a nice talk with my friend H on the way to work this morning. (H's newer baby girl is 1 month old today!) I also talked to my sis, and she is doing fine; fighting off a cold, but her pregnancy is going OK and she is surviving her bedrest (starting week #3).

Buenas noches!

Welcome to my nervous breakdown

(not weighing because I can't even be bothered)

Here I am, in my office on a Sunday, because I have so much f$%*in' work to do. I am in trial again starting Tuesday and lasting through Friday--and I have an evidentiary hearing tomorrow morning that will last at least until lunch--so I will have zero time in my office this week.

I am majorly stressed. I don't know how I am going to get through the next two months. Seriously. Just the work I have currently is more than I am going to be able to handle. . . and I know that other tasks will be coming my way because that's how it works in this office. I have three cases set for trial in November that I have only made a cursory review of; one of them is set for a date that I am out of the office for the birth of my nephew, so I'm going to have to try to beg someone else to take the trial for me. (Did I mention that an email has already gone out looking for someone to pick up an extra trial on that date for another attorney?) I have several other cases that have been recently acssigned to me that I have not reviewed, so I don't know if they are going to trial or not. And this applies only to my property & narcotics caseload; I also have my three new sex cases to factor in now. . . and they are all set for trial (one on 10/31, one on 12/12, and one on 12/19). It's going to take me a while just to get up to speed as to the law in those cases--an unfamiliar area for me--let alone the facts of the cases themselves.

AAAAARGGGHHHH!!!! I am going to lose my mind. I really do not see how I am going to handle all this.

My half-a$$ efforts at weight loss are really the furthest thing from my mind right now. I haven't exercised in over a month--my September challenge? HA! I never exercised AT ALL in September. . . not ONE minute, let alone 500 minutes.

Our home is in its usual state of chaos. . . and as usual, SL is little-to-no help in that department. I'll give the man credit: he can cook, he likes to cook, and he generally cleans up the kitchen after himself. But he is worse about leaving clutter around than I am. . . and that's saying something. And as far as deep cleaning goes, forget it: he has never swept or mopped the kitchen floor once in the nearly one year we've lived in that apartment. He's never dusted, and if he does laundry, it's his and none of mine (he claims I don't like the way he does my laundry. . . which is partially true, but wouldn't it be kinder to do it my way than to refuse to do it all??).

SL has promised me that the two overflowing baskets of his mail that have accumulated over the past several months (the man rarely ever opens his mail) will be cleared up before he goes to bed tonight. He rarely breaks his word, so I imagine he will actually get that done. . . probably not before *I* go to bed, but sometime before I get up tomorrow. He also has three overflowing baskets of CLEAN laundry (that *I* washed) to put away; he hasn't touched those in weeks either.

I let SL know that I won't wash any more of his clothes until/unless he puts away his clean laundry. Knowing him & his stubbornness, I anticipate I will be doing only *my* laundry when I return home this evening. . . . which just means that the bedroom hamper will still be full--of his clothes--even after I do laundry.

Well, as good as bitching about my situation feels, it's not getting anything done around here. So I'm gonna close and get back to work.

If you pray, pray for me. :)

How many trials can I do before the end of 2006?

224.6

I finished my trial at 2:30 on Wednesday afternoon (short trial). The jury deliberated for about 35 minutes and came back guilty. It was a relief to have that out of the way so that I could get back to preparing my bigger trial for next week (which also includes the same defendant plus an accomplice).

A while back I posted that I had expressed a desire to be assigned to the special victims unit in my office. Well, the chief criminal deputy (aka my supervisor's boss) decided to assign 3 cases each from this unit to me and to the other two interested attorneys. All of three of the cases reassigned to me are set for trial. So now in addition to my already brutal trial schedule, I have three more trials to do before the end of the year.

I really am not sure how I'm going to do all this. I don't know how I am going to keep up with all my desk work when I am in trial week after week after week. Plus, even if I didn't have other things to deal with besides my trial cases--and I *do* have other things to deal with--back-to-back trials barely leaves me time to prepare for the next trial(s).

Well, it looks like I am going to be spending a lot more time at work over the next couple of months. I told SL that I will be surprised if I don't have a nervous breakdown before Thanksgiving. I know he will be supportive.

At least I got the bulk of our wedding planning done already. I need to order the bridesmaid dresses soon and buy our invitations sometime next month; otherwise everything that needs to be done before the first of the year is taken care of. So I am free to focus wholly on work.

Aside from work stuff, not much is going on. I haven't been eating too much or too much "bad" stuff, but I haven't been planning meals or eating enough veggies. And I haven't been exercising. I need to at least start walking again; I think it'll really help my stress level, if nothing else.

Even though I'll be going in to my office Sunday afternoon to do more trial prep. . . I'm glad it's almost the weekend!

Two months from hell--coming up!

(haven't weighed in a few days)

I'm sleepy, but I wanted to do a quick blog entry because I know it will be days before I will have the time and the inclination again.

For the first time in a long time, I actually got nearly everything on my to-do list done today! (I didn't clean my bathroom, but it's not terrible, and it'll keep: no one but me ever uses it.) I was supposed to visit my CASA child M today, but something came up, and her foster dad called me about an hour before the visit to see if we could reschedule to next weekend. Though I was disappointed not to see her (I haven't seen her since before Labor Day), I was also relieved in a way because I had so frickin' much to do.

I have been out of town every weekend this month! All the trips were for fun stuff--Mom in town, Diamondbacks game, trip to New England for wedding, girl time with K--but it is tiring. And my upcoming trial schedule is likely to be hellacious.

I have a trial starting on Tuesday. (In the county where I practice, the Superior Court starts the majority of its trials on Tuesdays.) I have two trials the following Tuesday; thank goodness, I have enlisted help to cover the second trial. I have a trial scheduled the second week of October also. The third week of October, I will be at a 4-day training 250 miles from home. I have another trial the Tuesday after I return. I then have a one-week break for Halloween week (why, I don't know), then two trials each of the first two weeks of November. Whew!

I am "behind" on my yearly trial stats--it is the expectation of my boss that we will do 10-15 trials a year, and I've only done 4 so far--but I didn't really want to make up my entire deficit in a 2-month period! LOL It's going to be really stressful and busy being in trial back to back like this. I hope I survive it! :)

The one saving grace is that I have already done almost all the wedding stuff that has to be done until late January. The only two remaining things are ordering the bridesmaid dresses (which I *could* delegate to my maid of honor, if necessary) and ordering the invitations: SL & I have already selected them, we just need to order them--that could probably be delegated, too, to SL! :)

SL had a third interview with G&O last Friday. It went well. The lawyer with whom he interviewed used to work at the same office where I work (& where SL worked for about 2 years), so they knew one another slightly and had that shared experience to talk about. Also, she asked two of SL's former supervisors about him, and apparently they gave him glowing recommendations. She told him that she believes he has the job. . . but it's ultimately the managing partner's final decision. He is out of town a lot, but SL should be meeting with him in the next week or two. I will continue to keep my fingers crossed for him (us).

Gotta hit the hay.

P.S. I haven't given up on Dr. Phil's book; just haven't had time to read it the past few days. I will get back to it.

Fickle

225.2

I have been so tired today! I think my clock is still out of sync from being 3 time zones away for 5 days. I've had a cup of coffee now, though, and walked up 9 flights of stairs; hopefully that will perk me up.

Today is really my last day in my office until my next trial on Tuesday 9/26. Tomorrow I will be out of the office for training, and Monday I will be doing grand jury all day.

I think I have everything I need ready for trial--it should be simple & straightforward, a one-count indictment against a defendant who will not be present. There is always a bit of anxiety, though, not knowing what might come up last minute.

The scale is such a weird thing. As you can see above, I'm down 1.8 lbs since yesterday morning. Not for a moment do I really think I am 1.8 lbs lighter today than yesterday. :) Yet another reason not to allow the number on the scale to get me down: it's fickle.

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that I've started reading The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution by Dr. Phil. I know lots of people don't like Dr. Phil, but his no-nonsense approach appeals to me. I am only about 40 pages into the book, so we'll see what effect, if any it has on my behavior. Clearly just trying to power through like I did back in 2003 has not been working for me. So I am open to trying another approach.

It's a sad thing when not even my upcoming wedding can motivate me to get off my duff & exercise and eat better. Ah well.

Not much else new here.

My 100th post!

227.0 (whatever)

Long time no blog. SL & I just flew back yesterday from a 5-day trip to New England. We planned the trip so that we could attend the wedding of my friend (& former roommate) K in Newport, Rhode Island; we also stayed a couple of extra days so that SL could see Boston for the first time.

We had a very good time. The wedding was lovely, the weather was perfect for our entire stay--high 70s, sunny, slight breeze--and we got to see a lot in a short time. This was the first vacation I have taken since starting to work full time as a lawyer, and it was great.

Back at work today. Aside from being a little behind on reviewing new cases, things were OK at work in my absence. No disasters occurred during my absence. Hmmm. This may encourage to take another vacation some time. LOL

My sister has been placed on bedrest! Her doctor is concerned because her blood pressure is elevated and has ordered her to stop working and be on bedrest. She is only 31 weeks pregnant, so it could be a long 8-9 weeks if she goes full-term. . . or this could lead to an early delivery. I am worried about her and the baby. I hope the bedrest remedies the problem and that everything is OK. Needless to say, she is a bit freaked out about the whole thing, too. . . on several levels. She also hadn't planned to be on a 8-9-week medical leave prior to having the baby, so there are financial concerns as well. Poor thing.

As reflected above, my weight is the highest it's ever been. I'm sure the morning after a vacation is probably NOT the best time to decide to start weighing oneself again. Ah well. I figured I'd have to face the music eventually.

I did eat a lot of less-than-healthy things on the trip, so I may have, in fact, gained weight. We also did a lot of walking, though, so I probably got in quite a bit more activity than usual. I'm certain that I am dehydrated from flying, too: my engagement ring has been fitting really tight since yesterday (it's starting to return to normal now).

So far today, I've only had 10 pts: a protein shake for breakfast and a Lean Cuisine entree for lunch. I've also had 3 liters of water. I'm going to try to drink a total of 4 liters today to get my body back in a fluid balance. I've started having to pee every hour (at a minimum), so that's a good sign.

SL has a third interview at G&O on Friday. This interview is with the other attorney on whose trial team he will be working if he gets the job. My understanding is that he still has to interview with the managing partner who will then decide whether or not they will make him a job offer.

The interview process is taking quite a while! I'm actually encouraged by that; I can't help but think that they must be seriously considering SL to be expending all this time & energy on him. I think he is extremely qualified for the position and would be a good fit for their firm.

We are continuing to keep our fingers crossed. It will be HUGE for us if he gets this job. I don't want to get my hopes up, though, in case it falls through.

I have a short week this week: I'll only be in the office today & tomorrow, then out for an all-day training on Friday. I am going to spend the night with my best friend K on Friday night, and she & I are going to go get facials on Saturday morning. It'll be my first-ever facial, and I'm looking forward to it. (Of course, I am also looking forward to spending time with K.)

Better get back to it!

Brrrrr . . .

(on a scale boycott)

My office is frickin' freezing this afternoon! It is usually a bit on the chilly side in here. . . but this is beyond the usual. Wow. It's weird to be cold in Arizona in September.

I am working my way through to-do list, slowly but surely. I am going to be out of the office Friday, Monday, & Tuesday, so I'm trying to get things squared away before I leave on Thursday.

As I type this, SL has his second interview with G&O. I know he was nervous because he called at about 2 and told me so. I pray all goes well, and he gets the job. He is unhappy at work, and we could really use the money. SL looked up his current salary relative to other lawyers in his field in our area; his salary is in the 7th percentile. Sad.

We are slated to go to the gym tonight and lift weights. If we follow through, that'll be first exercise since the week before last. Slacker.

Back to work. . .

Some people are such idiots

(not weighing by choice)

I just had to post about something that happened this morning. SL & I have a wedding website set up so that our guests all over the country can learn a little about us as a couple and about our wedding plans. One of the features of the website is a guestbook. It's been really fun reading the comments family & friends have left for us.

I have the website set up so that I must approve comments before they can be viewed by anyone besides me who visits the guestbook. The website automatically sends me an email to review the comment once it is submitted by the person who wrote it.

I got one of those emails this morning. When I went to our website to review the comment, it was rude, rude, rude. The writer identified him/herself as "lisaloeb" and made a comment to the effect that SL & I together had enough extra fat "to feed a whole Alaskan town."

I feel pretty confident that this comment was not left by anyone who knows either of us. What pathetic person has nothing better to do with his/her time than leave a hateful comment like that on someone's wedding website?!

Whatever. I deleted the comment, and I've changed the website settings so that from now on people will have to have a password to view the guestbook and certain other pages on the website with personal information. Because the site that hosts our website does not have a directory, it hadn't occurred to me that anyone to whom we had not given the url would be visiting the site. Naive of me, I guess.

SL & I had a fun weekend. We got to see our friends M & A and their new baby girl yesterday. SL held the baby: first time in his life he has ever held an infant! He felt a little uncomfortable, but he did great; she even fell asleep while he was holding her.

We also went to the baseball game. It was a good one; the D-backs won, Brandon Webb pitched all 9 innings and only allowed one hit. Very fun.

Back to work in the morning. I have a short week again this week because we are leaving early Friday morning to fly to New England for a wedding. I'm really looking forward to the trip.

Lack of resolve

(have not weighed for a few days)

I had to laugh when I looked at the exercise goal that I posted for myself last time. I have not exercised once since my last blog entry. We didn't even go to the gym & lift weights this week, let alone did I do any aerobic exercise.

I think I have given up on the idea that I am going to lose any significant amount of weight any time soon. I went ahead and ordered my wedding dress Thursday in my current size. It is supposed to arrive the first week of January, so three full months before the wedding. That should give me plenty of time to get any needed alterations done.

I'm not really sure what my hang-up is re the whole weight loss thing. I'm just not "in the game" mentally. I can be dedicated for a few days or even a week. . . and then my resolve just dissolves and I revert to unhealthy habits.

I wish I could recapture that weight loss fervor I had back in 2003 and early 2004. From January to April 2003, I lost 35 lbs with really minimal effort. Really. I mean, I counted points and I exercised three times a week, but I didn't do much more than that. My main exercise was a brisk walk, and I rarely ate the 5 servings of fruits/veggies WW recommends, at least in the beginning. At the time, a friend said I was losing weight "like a snake shedding its skin" and that was pretty much true.

Post-Zoloft, however, my losses, if any, have come much, much more slowly. And I just don't seem to have the commitment to the whole exercise/weight loss regime that I had back then. Well.

I had a decent week at work. One very sad thing: my friend L, whom I have known since law school and who had been working at our office longer than me, has resigned. (Yesterday was her last day.) I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. She was one of those people whose office I could go to if I needed to vent or just get input about a sticky situation. Plus she is just way cool and fun; always able to put a smile on my face.

The saddest thing I've experienced at my current workplace is having so many of my friends leave. Of the group of lawyers I started with, five have now left (only me & two others are still there). I have to honestly say that I considered three of those five friends, and I really liked a fourth (the fifth person: I was glad he left, never liked). These numbers don't even include the staff members who have resigned or the people who worked on other trial teams who I only knew slightly but liked. It's depressing. I only have three people in the office now whom I consider trusted friends. That's not to say that I don't like my other colleagues; it's just that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else a secret or revealing uncertainty. Ah well. There are far more people left who I don't trust and cannot rely upon, and that's an unhappy circumstance.

SL got a call back for a 2nd interview from the firm that interviewed him last week. We are both really, really hoping he gets this job. He has been increasingly unhappy in his current position, so he needs a change. Also, this job will pay at least $30,000 a year more than he is making now. I can't even begin to describe what a difference that money would make to us as a couple. Within a year, he would be able to pay off all of his credit cards and buy a house. Not to mention we would no longer have to go into debt to finance the wedding. And we would actually be able to afford to have a child then. . . hell, I might even be able to work part-time for a while. . . a circumstance that's only a dream in our current financial situation. I pray they hire him!

We are off to Phoenix today to go watch the Diamondbacks play the St. Louis Cardinals. We are going to visit our friends M & A and their newborn daughter, too. Fun!

Yahoo avatar

Baby girls galore

222.2 (grrr. . . )

My eating this weekend was crappy. I started out on Saturday trying to make good choices. . . my friend K & I went to Chili's for lunch, and I chose a salad (drsg on the side), and we all had dinner at PF Chang's, where I again made a healthy choice. But by Sunday morning's breakfast at IHOP, those good intentions were down the crapper. Hence the gain on the scale this morning.

I'd like to say that I got right back on track today with healthy choices, but that would be a lie. I skipped breakfast because I had an early court hearing, and we had an office potluck for a friend who has resigned. I ate all kinds of unhealthy crap again today.

Well, in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, I'll think about it tomorrow. SL & I have a pretty healthy dinner planned; I do anticipate I will be back on track tomorrow.

SL & I are headed to the gym tonight to lift weights. I am still at zero minutes of aerobic exercise this month, and I won't be doing any today either. Well, there are still 25 days left in the month after today, right? Driving 11 hours (& over 800 miles) in one weekend doesn't really lend itself to getting a lot of exercise.

My friend H gave birth to her second daughter on Saturday--yea! She & I spoke briefly on Friday morning; the previous Tuesday had been her due date, but she seemed very serene despite the baby's arrival being late. I hope she and her family are doing well, and I hope for her sake that this new baby will be as good a baby as her first (who is now 21 mos old).

H's baby is the third baby girl born to a friend or family member of mine in the past thirty days. Our friends M & A (who moved away in April and who we will be visiting this coming weekend, yea) had their first child, a baby girl, on Aug 8th. My cousin B had her third child, a baby girl, on Aug 20th. And now H has brought another baby girl into the world. Fun, fun, fun! I love baby girls.

The ironic thing is, I still have several friends & family members who are expecting. . . but so far those who have found out the sex of their babies are all having boys. I guess August was the month for girl babies this year.

SL & I got into an argument over the stupidest thing yesterday when I got home: he opened up a Happy Meal toy that I got over the weekend & was saving for my CASA child. It really peeved me that he went ahead & unwrapped and assembled the toy! Stupid, I know, but WTF? It clearly wasn't for him, and half the fun of a new toy is opening it up!

Even though our fight started over something so dumb, other issues were brought up and tempers flared. Anyway, we chatted this afternoon, and I think we have resolved our tiff. (sigh)

Glad it's a short week!

P.S. Ooops! Forgot to say: it was good to see both my parents, however briefly. I wish they lived closer so I could see them more often. :)

New goal for September

218.2 (better)

I have been really happy with my eating efforts this week! I have not accomplished 100% of my goal--for instance, I didn't quite get in my 5 servings of fruits/veggies 2 days--but on the whole, I've done well. Tracking points, journaling, avoiding temptation to overeat (even when hungry), staying within points (if you include using flex & APs), drinking lots of water. SL & I have lifted weights twice this week and have an appointment to do a third session after work this evening.

The one thing I have been slacking on. . . for no apparent reason. . . is my aerobic exercise. As I'd posted before, I had been walking 2 miles at least 3-4 mornings a week. This week I haven't gone walking once.

Enter. . . the exercise ticker & my goal for September. I am committing, today, to do 500 minutes of aerobic exercise this month. The exercise can be in the form of walking, elliptical trainer, stairmaster, bike. . . so long as I do a little over 30 minutes 4 times a week, I should have no problem achieving my goal.

My one rule for this personal challenge to myself is that time spent lifting weights does NOT count toward the 500 minutes. I really enjoy lifting, and having SL go with me to the gym has provided lots of additional support (& getting ready to order my dress has supplied the motivation to tone up). But I think I will lose weight/inches more quickly & steadily if I add back the aerobic exercise.

My mom flies in tomorrow! She is only staying one night, but it'll be good to see her: I've only seen her once face-to-face since my law school graduation in May 2004, and that was about 18 months ago for about an hour. Her visit is going to lead to 11 hours of driving for me over the course of the weekend, but it'll be OK. I'll also get to see my dad very briefly, and that'll be nice, too.

Happy Labor Day weekend!

Mount Washmore

(forgot to weigh)

As I mentioned in my last post, I have found a wedding dress. After taking the weekend to think about it and gathering input from my "inner circle," I have decided to buy the dress. I am able to get it for over $100 less than the bridal salon is charging by ordering from netbride.com. . . which is great, because I'm now coming in slightly under budget for the cost of the dress.

I am going to order the dress the first week of October, so I have 5 weeks to try to lose as much weight as I can before I order. Despite my stepped-up exercise efforts, my eating has not been 100% on program, and as a result, I have not lost any weight or inches.

I am redoubling my efforts to lose before I order! As I type this, I am starving (& have been for the past 45 minutes), but I am determined to give an all-out effort before I order the dress.

I had an OK weekend. We went out to dinner with friends F & T Friday night. Saturday I had lunch with my friend A, and we went and visited my dress at the bridal salon (I'd hoped to try it on for her, but there were too many other customers ahead of us). SL & I went to the gym & lifted weights in the late afternoon. Sunday M came over and went swimming (she had a new bikini that she wanted to debut, lol).

As usual, I accomplished very little. Except that I am up to page 260-something in I Know This Much Is True. :)

Tonight SL & I are headed to the gym after work to lift weights. Our plan is to go Mon, Wed, Fri this week. We'll see if it comes to fruition. . . .

I really need to do some laundry tonight. Almost out of work clothes!

I may have found The Dress

I tried on this dress yesterday, and it was the first one I've really liked. I'd have to get the train bustled, though.

Here's the link:

http://www.morilee.com/DressDetail.aspx?C=2&D=3651&P=3

Life in cyberspace

220.4

My mood was improved today. I'm wondering if yesterday was PMS. . . ? Having never had PMS before, I can't be sure. But today is day 14 of my 28-day cycle--ovulation day--so I'm sure there have been some hormonal changes going on in my body in the past 24 or so hours. Hmmm. I'm going to have to keep an eye on that now that I'm off the pill.

I had a decent day at work. Didn't get quite as much done as I'd hope, but got a few things accomplished. There was an article in this month's Oprah magazine about how to accomplish more at work. I'm thinking I'm going to re-read it and perhaps put some of its suggestions to use. Goodness knows I could always improve on my efficiency.

Didn't get to the gym tonight as planned because we both got home late from work. I don't like to work out too late in the evening; it keeps me from having a restful night's sleep. I have my monthly book club dinner tomorrow night, so it looks like I'll only be getting in two weight-lifting sessions this week. Ah well. It's an improvement over what I was doing a month ago: not lifting weights at all!

SL claims he will go to the gym without me tomorrow night. We'll see. :)

I'm going wedding dress shopping with my friend A on Saturday. I am not going with the expectation that I will find anything I like; I'm looking on it more as a scouting mission. I called two bridal shops here that say they stock up to size 26. I'm just hoping to try on a few dresses with a similar silhouette and neckline to the dresses I've seen online that I like. I fully expect that the majority of the dresses I will see will be way too ornate and/or frou-frou for my taste. And I hope the salespeople aren't pushy.

I am bound and determined not to pay more than $350 for my wedding dress. Ideally, I'd like to stay under $300. Not including alterations, of course, which are also going to add up, no matter where/what I buy. Jeesh.

I'm debating buying a dress off the internet, either from eBay or from netbride.com. Of course, if I do either, I'll be buying a dress that I've never tried on. Not sure how I feel about that. . . especially given the fact that I am not a very good judge of what flatters me. I know what I like, but I don't necessarily know what looks good on me. That's what I have my girlfriends for!!

So glad the week's more than half over!

The Ring

Wrong side of the bed

220.2 (whatever)

For some reason, I have not been in a good mood today. If I start looking around for reasons to feel low, I can certainly come up with some. . . but to be honest, I am not entirely sure what has brought this on.

One thing I am definitely bummed about: my weight. I have been back on WW for a little over 2 months. I have been following the plan at least 75-80% of the time. I've been exercising A LOT. Yet my weight is basically at a standstill: I go down a few pounds, then back up a few pounds.

I am back at the point where I am just about ready to say "f$%* it." I am going to keep on with the exercise, though, because it makes me feel better, physically & mentally. Seriously, I think regular exercise helps my mood more than Zoloft did. . . and without the nasty side effects. But I don't see what the point is of limiting my food intake and avoiding foods I like just so that my weight can stay the same.

SL & I went to the gym and lifted weights last night. I was proud of us! (Of course, aside from our outing to the gym, I did nothing all evening & the house is still a total disaster. . . but whatever, that's another topic.) I also got up this morning and walked/jogged my 2 miles with Sebastian. I actually walked most of the route, but I did jog for 5-6 minutes total.

I had my annual physical yesterday. I like my new doctor. It is more than a little frustrating, though, how little any doctor can do to help with obesity. All my labwork came back normal (with the exception of borderline high cholesterol). So I don't have any kind of metabolic disorder causing my inability to lose weight; my thyroid function is also normal. When I told my doctor that I already exercise 4-5 days a week and don't eat poorly, she didn't look like she believed me, first of all. Then she suggested I might join Jenny Craig; I informed her that I already follow the WW plan and see no reason to pay lots of money to eat more processed food. At which point she basically shrugged and had nothing else to suggest.

Well, as I've mentioned before: another 20-30 lbs and I will be a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. I do sometimes wonder lately if this weight issue is going to get to that point. Limiting my food intake & exercising is clearly not accomplishing much of anything. All it's doing is frustrating me.

Another annoyance: I did a little advance research last night and called the bridal shops that Alfred Angelo's website claims stocks their dresses. (The four dresses I am most strongly considering buying are all Alfred Angelo.) Turns out there is not a store within 100 miles of where I live with all 4 styles in stock. I found one store that stocks my 4th choice style. . . but it's not in a color I want, and it's in a size 14 (which means it'd probably fit someone who normally wears a 10).

I don't know what the f*%^ I'm going to do about a wedding dress. I don't want to spend over $350 for my dress: we are not having a very formal wedding, and I'm only going to wear the thing once. Options seem to be quite limited in styles that I like that also come in my size.

I asked SL again yesterday if we could just ditch the wedding we have planned and get married at the courthouse, but he refused. I honestly don't want to be bothered with all this: the pressure of having everyone staring at my fat body in yards of white/ivory satin is really something I can do without. Plus, the expense: we are going into debt to pay for this wedding that I don't even really want! I know it's not girly of me to say this. . . but I've never wanted a traditional wedding, and I am even less inclined to have a big to-do now that I am 35 years old.

Anyway. . . I certainly hope my mood improves. Maybe I can force my lazy ass to do some cleaning when I get home today. Seeing my home clean & neat usually puts me in a better mood.